(F/N)'s POV
"Looks like you'll be out here in no time, (L/N)-san," I turn to the physical therapist who was with me today. My therapy session today is finally done, two more and I'll be able to get out of the hospital. "Hot choco? It's been pretty chilly lately. Winter's coming after all," The therapist handed me over a pink mug filled with hot choco.
Someone came inside the rehabilitation room, smiling at me as soon as our eyes met. His blonde hair was messy when he got inside. Maybe he just woke up? He was up all night looking after me.
"Hey, (Nickname), so you're done for today?" I only nodded at him.
Lately, this man has been calling me (Nickname). But I don't remember him calling me that. Scratch that—I don't remember anything. According to him, he's my older brother and we have two other siblings. There's the eldest, Kai-nīchan and Shin's twin sister, Ellie-nēchan. I still couldn't remember anything even if he told me about our family.
It turns out, I got into a traffic accident almost three months ago. The doctor said I had a brain hemorrhage or brain bleed which cause me to fall into a comatose and when I woke up, I couldn't recognize the people inside the room.
After that day, I didn't see their faces again except for that other blonde guy with glasses. He comes to visit me whenever he has time. Shin-nīchan told me I was a student at a school called Karasuno High School. I'm the freshmen manager for the volleyball boys. I was on my way to their summer practice when the accident happened. Tsukishima Kei, the guy with glasses is one of the volleyball club members. He's been looking after me since I was admitted. My brother said that he's a family friend.
"Hey, how's therapy going?" Shin-nīchan approached us with a smile, "You look good,"
I smiled at him, I can feel he was really genuine about it. I looked to the side to see my reflection on the huge mirror wall. It seems like my complexion's not that pale anymore. After the therapy, we returned to my room with Shin-nīchan.
I was finally out of my wheelchair since I can walk on my own now. On the first day, my legs and are very weak to support my weight. I was forced to use a wheelchair to be able to go to places inside the hospital to fight off the boredom after being cooped up for a few more weeks. Physical rehabilitation helped me regain my muscle strength.
"You'll be out here before December even started. So, any plans when you get out of here?"
"Hmm," I ponder for a moment, "I was thinking about it, but if I want to regain my memories fast I had to do something about it. I want to go back to school as a first step."
Shin-nīchan looked surprised when he heard my answer, "School, huh? Are you sure about that?"
I nodded, looking down on my open palm of my right hand, "I really have this feeling that I want to play volleyball. I wonder why?"
I heard my brother chuckle, "You may have lost your memories but your body knows what it wants." I was confused by what he meant, "You see, you used to be a great volleyball player. You started when you're like about 7, I think. Our cousin Tōru, you know the good looking guy that visited you a few days ago. He's the main reason why you came to love that sport."
"How come I did not join the volleyball club when I entered high school? Why did I choose to be a manager?" I find it curious after hearing that. Somehow, I was bothered by my decision. It must have been hard to stop doing what you love.
My brother shrugged, "All I know is that you've been prioritizing your plans for college. But you didn't want to turn your back entirely on volleyball. That's why you decided to become manager of the volleyball boys."
"Eh~? When I listen to what you have just said. I seem to really love volleyball." I said.
"I'll tell you what, when you get home, I'll show your pictures during your volleyball player days." Shin-nīchan grinned.
"I would love that," I smiled at him, "By the way nīchan, aren't you going to return to your work? You're in an indefinite leave, right?" I heard from him that he did that to look after me. I was feeling kind of guilty about it.
"I was kind of thinking of quitting my job and take care of you until you regain your memories," He said.
"What? Why?" I think quitting his job because of me was too much. I don't have to end that way, I can see how much he loves his profession. I can see it in his eyes whenever he walks me around the hospital and he sees the patient looking happy because they are well taken care of.
"Because no one will look after you," He answered without looking at me.
"I'll be fine! I promise! I may have lost my memories but I'm sure that I can handle myself. I do remember how to take care of myself." I told him. It's not that I don't want him around, I just don't want him to do that.
He told me our family situation, why my other siblings and parents seldom visited me after I woke up. I don't blame them, they are doing it for our family and for their future. They weren't clearly abandoning me if they did, I don't know what will happen to me.
"But (Nickname)," Shin-nīchan was reluctant about it.
"I'll be fine, you don't need to worry about it."
The day of my released finally came. I thanked all the staff that has been taking care of me since day one. I was advised by my doctor to do a monthly check-up. If ever I have my memories back, he told me that I should go to him immediately.
Once we left the hospital, I couldn't stop myself to get excited. I was finally going home! It was a 20-minute drive from the hospital to our house. Shin-nīchan pulled up in front of a huge house after entering the gate. It was bigger than I imagined it would be. Since we are a family of 6, we oath to have a big one.
I got off the car, feeling the cool breeze against my face. It felt really nostalgic just standing in front of this huge house. Nīchan led the way inside the house, he opened the door to see the place was pretty much empty when we got inside. I had this feeling of dé javu all of a sudden like I've been here all my life. A little memory flashing back inside my mind, I guess it was the first time that we moved in here.
"Well? How do you feel?" My brother went in ahead to put away my luggage.
"I kind of remembered the first time we move in," I said.
"Really? Wow, you regain your memory by just getting in here, huh? I guess familiar places helps you," Shin-nīchan looked happy about the small progress, "Come on, let's get you to your room."
He led me all the way to the second floor where the bedrooms are. He opened the door of the first room down the hallway. Apparently, it is where my bedroom is. He opened it to reveal the interior, it was neat and there was no sign that someone has been using it.
"We won't be staying here long," Shin-nīchan said, "If you're planning to go back to school. We have to let the principal know of your situation and have them asses the procedure. You're almost delayed from the others, they should give you a special makeup test for the lessons and exams that you missed. I'll take you to Karasuno later,"
My eyes perked when I heard that school. I don't know why I felt excited just by hearing the name of that school. Maybe because somewhere deep down I always wanted to be there. I immediately agreed to his plan, nīchan knows what he was doing. He went down to prepare our lunch, while I was left inside my room. I scanned the place taking a chance in remembering any of my lost memories.
We had lunch that day, my brother's a good cook. I like how he prepared the meal, I was full after. He said to wait for him in the living room while he prepared to leave. Not too long after he got down, showing me his outfit.
"Do I look like a respectable guardian?" I gave him a thumbs-up, "Alright! Let's go then. Oh, by the way," he turned to look at him, "You should bring your cardigan, it's going to be chilly outside,"
"It's right here," I showed him my pastel yellow knitted cardigan hanging on my forearm.
Amazingly, our school is located on top of a hill. The view from the top took my breath away, I can see the town from up here. Once my brother parked the car inside the school ground, I followed him inside the main building towards the principal's office. It would seem that the principal was expecting us. He asked me if I was doing fine and explained to us what will happen next.
I have to take a makeup test for the ones I've missed. I decided to take it now, my brother was reluctant since I haven't even touched my school books and studied the lesson. He has a point but I suddenly felt confident taking the exam right here, right now. I can't wait to return to class. It's been pretty much boring being cooped up in my hospital bed.
I took the exam in the testing room inside the Guidance Counseling Office. It was quiet, it helped me a lot to focus on the exam. As I answered the question, bits and pieces of information keep coming back inside my mind and I was able to confidently answer all the questions.
I got back to the principal's office with the result in my hand. Shin-nīchan couldn't sit still in his seat since I insisted on taking the exam on the spot.
"How's the result?" He asked, looking anxious than usual.
"I passed," I answered, showing him all of my test paper with above-average scores.
He sighed in relief, "I can't believe you were able to pull this off even without your memories. You really are gifted,"
"Actually, my memories helped me," I said with honesty, "Somewhere in the middle of taking the exam, information came back inside my head."
"I see..." The principal spoke, "Exposing (L/N)-san to an environment which her body recognizes helps her regain a little bit of her memory."
Shin-nīchan turned to me, "There's no stopping you now, I guess. If this will help you bring back the memories you have lost, then I will support it."
I smiled at him, "Thank you—"
"But, I am still not convinced that you'll be fine on your own. It's going to be hard for me to decide if I should really keep my job."
All I can do was sigh, there's nothing wrong with being cautious, "I understand."
After a week of contemplating, my brother finally decided that he could leave with someone willing to look after me even if I'm in school.
"Thank you very much for agreeing with this, ma'am." Shin-nīchan bowed his head over to the woman sitting across us.
She had this smile that made me feel all fuzzy and warm inside. It feels like I already met her, I could sense it. She offered us tea while we sat there inside their living room.
"Oh, no need to thank me, Shin. It's a pleasure of mine to look after (Y/N)-chan. It's the least we could do after not being able to do anything when she was still in the hospital." The woman said, "(Y/N)-chan, it's good to see you. I know you probably don't remember but we met a couple of times before. You used to come here for dinner when you're alone during weekdays."
To be honest, I don't know what to say. It's always been a challenge to face people who knew me before I lost my memories. It's painful and sad facing them while they look at me through 16 years of memories.
"(Nickname)? Are you alright?" I looked at Shin-nīchan, "Don't force yourself to remember, it's alright." He gave my hands a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, turning to the woman, "Thank you for having me and I'm really sorry about this."
"Oh, sweetie. It's nothing really," She also reached for my hand to squeeze it.
"Thank you, um..."
"We should start by calling me, Himiko-okāsan." She smiled gently at me.
"But I—" I was hesitant.
"You always call me by that,"
I nodded, smiling back at her. My brother and Himiko-okāsan spent the whole Sunday afternoon talking to each other. I excused myself from their conversation and went out of the house. I stood there outside the main door. The sky was dark, it has been a few days since December started. My eyes stared aimlessly in front of me. A small white flurry falling from the sky, it landed on the tip of my nose. I looked up to see more of it falling down.
Like snow piles up, I remember what you gave me
You gave me the courage to live
"It's snowing?" I asked myself, feeling my eyes sparkling, "Wow~it's the first snow!"
We met each other beyond all time
So now how do we do? Can we make it work?
This fragile love
"(F/N)?" A voice called out to me. I turn to see a guy standing around 190 cm, I would say. He has blonde hair and golden eyes. Isn't he...?
The world moves faster than we thought
How we gonna change it?
We don't know yet but for sure we will
"Kei..." I unconsciously said out loud. I can see from his reaction that he wasn't expecting that from me. I'm more surprised to know his name suddenly flashed in the back of my head.
Love in our hearts, uh yeah
Slowly started to grow
"What are you doing here?" He approached me, "I mean, when did you get out of the hospital?"
I want to hold you one more time before you disappear
Ah, crystal flies high wherever it goes
"About a week ago," I replied.
Hey, there's nothing else I want, I just want to feel a little more,
Can I touch your heart?
"Are you ok now?" He seems really concerned about me. I wonder what's my relationship with this guy. He's the only one who kept on visiting me after I woke up from being in a coma.
I want to touch it but it keeps slipping through my fingers, someday, someday
"Yeah, I'll be able to go back to school tomorrow." I smiled at him.
Your little smile somehow hurts me
How can I be closer uh uh?
Why can't I find an answer for this love?
How am I gonna find it? How?
Oh, let me know
The snow was falling all around us but he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. He stood there staring down on me as I stared back at me. He cracked a smile just like the one Himiko-okāsan gave me earlier. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling on the inside.
Crystal snow only holds an ambiguous shape
I can't bear my story of unrequited love
Eh I'll manage to change it on my own
"It's good to see you back," He said, squeezing my shoulder. He suddenly collapsed, squatting down.
The two of us are already far apart
Even though we are meant to be together
Now we can't choose the paint that colors us
Even the black breath
Even your thick white fog
I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel
"A—Are you alright?" I squat down to match his eye level.
Oh yeah, oh, crystal snow, crystal snow
Inside the white fog
Even though you pass through me and turn to water, you are still in my heart
(You are in my heart)
"I'm fine, just a bit tired from the training camp." He was covering his whole face with his hand so I really can't see his reaction. But then he raised his head with the back of his hand covering half of his face.
I watch you shining and reflecting on every single sparkling thing
I'll wait for you no matter where
I want to see you, even if you're pretending, please hold this hand
"You look a little pale," I said, "Come on, let's get inside. It's getting cold," I straighten up, offering my hand out to him.
The warmth of love started melting
This genuine warmth, please stay forever
He stared at it before taking it into his hand, "By the way,"
I want to hold you one more time before you disappear
Crystal flies high to reach you
"Hmm?" I hummed in reply.
Hey, words aren't enough to express my feelings but I will tell you as it is
Can I touch your heart?
"How did you know my name? Did your memories came back?"
I want you to believe me, I'll come get you
Someday, someday
I smiled at him apologetically, "No, but somehow your name echoed inside my head. I've been regaining my memories little by little. But even the tiniest detail gave me headaches."
It's always you, it's always you, crystal snow
(Let me see your smile, oh baby, eh)
"I see...then, there's a chance that you can regain them back, right?"
It's always you, it's always you, crystal snow
(Let me feel your love forever, hoo)
"I hope so," I looked up to him, "I don't want to hurt you again,"
"I didn't—"
"It was written all over your face the moment you realize I don't have my memories," I cut him off, "You should come in now." I did not wait for him to answer and went back to their house.
Oh yeah, crystal snow