I slowly became aware of the bed beneath me and sat bolt upright in fear, expecting to be back in the clean white room in Mount Weather. Instead, when my eyes opened it was to the strikingly familiar interior of the Ark. There were rows of firm, uncomfortable beds and I recognised the artificially lit, entirely metal space as the ship that we'd once lived in. A large volume of metal units filled the room that were littered with medical supplies and I quickly calculated that this was the medical unit. I glanced over to my side to find Bellamy's exhausted face and his features contorted into a relieved expression as he fretted over me.
"You're awake!" He breathed in disbelief and I gazed back at him thankfully. "Let me get some help." He added worriedly as if snapping from a trance and moved to get to his feet. I reached out to grasp his hand and he jolted as he turned back to face me.
"Wait, don't go." I asked and I felt sheepish as his eyes met mine. I still couldn't quite believe that he was here in front of me. When I first woke up, I fully expected our last encounter to have been a pleasant yet heartbreaking dream. I didn't want to take my eyes off him for a moment and was afraid that if I did, he would disappear. "Please, don't leave me." I whispered and I felt incredibly vulnerable as I bared my feelings to him. He sank reluctantly back into his seat with a sympathetic look and I gripped his hand for comfort. "I can't believe you're still here, I never thought I'd see you again." I breathed as I tugged his hand to guide him closer to me and I felt comforted when he leaned into my space.
"I just...I can't stop looking at you. I don't have to rely on memory." I thought aloud as I examined him. He was clean now but his hair was still scruffy, just in his usual, carefully styled way. The bruising around his warm, hypnotising brown eyes had started to fade since I saw him last, but I could still see the slight hint of purple in the corners. He regarded me with an interest that mirrored mine and I smiled at the sight of it. "I didn't know that I could miss another person like this." I admitted under my breath as I relished everything about him, every sense that was focused on him. I felt a stray tear escape only to slide down my cheek and he leaned in to wipe it away with a gentle touch as he viewed me with tenderness.
"I'm not going anywhere Indigo, not this time." He asserted as he cupped my face in his hand and I leaned into his touch as I allowed my eyes to flicker closed. I was soothed by his warmth and tried to settle my doubts. My eyes were forced open by a slight pang of pain from the side where I'd been shot. The realisation dawned on me with disappointment that the injury had been real too and I sat forward to look down at myself. I pushed back the blanket to find that I was only wearing a small black vest and my boxer style underwear, with a dressing on the left side of my waist. I peeked back at Bellamy who was watching me with raised brows and I quickly covered myself again with the blanket. I definitely hadn't intended to expose myself to him but he didn't seem to mind at all.
"We had to undress you so that Abby could operate." He explained with an amused smile. "Unfortunately we couldn't save your pretty dress, but Abby managed to patch you up nicely." He added with a mischievous wink and I was annoyed to find my cheeks flush slightly.
"Of course you'd find that dress pretty." I groaned in an attempt to clear my embarrassment, but internally I enjoyed having the chance to find out what he thought of it. I'd considered it when I first chose the feminine item and it was strange to now be sitting here, having this conversation with him.
"On you, yes." His eyes sparkled with attraction as he spoke and I blushed harder at the unexpected compliment. "It's unusual to see you in actual girl's clothes." He teased and I slapped him gently on the arm in response, earning a chuckle from him. I examined him and realised that he was no longer wearing the uniform that I'd seen him in last. He was dressed in a familiar black t-shirt and combat trousers, and I smiled at the sentimentality of it.
"You changed outfits too?" I asked as I observed him. "You didn't fancy the stiff Mount Weather clothes either, huh?" I teased as he glimpsed down at himself and then back at me with a warm smile.
"Yeah, not a fan." He chuckled as he shuffled comfortably in his seat. "Although I didn't have much of a choice after you bled all over me." He added with a playful look and I grimaced in response.
"Wow, I really need to stop doing that." I commented awkwardly and he laughed openly in response. I caught sight of the unnervingly familiar surroundings and realised that it felt entirely strange to be back inside the space station we'd grown up in, especially with a man who hadn't known who I was when we left it. "It's just like being on the Ark in here." I said thoughtfully as I scanned my way back to him. "How are you managing it?" I enquired as I viewed him with concern. I remembered how nervous he was at the idea of people from the station coming to Earth and I couldn't imagine that it was easy for him to be faced with the actual structure itself.
"It's not so bad." He shrugged and I raised my brows at him in surprise. "I've got proper quarters, solid roof over my head." He explained and I smiled at his description. I was glad to see that he was finding the positives in the situation and I became aware of how much he had grown since we'd been apart. Although I had completely fallen apart without him, I was interested to find out what happened to cause him to have the strangely controlled attitude that I didn't recognise.
"Oh wow, that really sounds great." I breathed as I fixed him with a teasing expression. He inspected me with an excited interest as he waited for the taunt that he knew was coming and I enjoyed seeing how well he'd come to know me. "But can it really compare to the luxury of your tent in camp? An old parachute over a log structure, pile of fabrics on the ground for a bed, cold breeze blowing through all the time, constant interruptions?" I reeled off expecting a chuckle, but instead he studied me with an expression that I didn't recognise on him.
"Well, when you put it that way, it's hard to choose." He started as he moved from his seat to perch on the edge of the bed beside me. "But there's one thing this camp has over the tent…" He trailed off as he brought his hand to rest by my face, his thumb caressing my jaw as his gaze fell on my lips with a fascinated expression. "I never kissed you in the tent." He spoke regretfully before he leaned in to press his lips against mine with tenderness, despite the deep feeling of longing that I could sense in his touch.
I was lost to the same feeling of bliss as the first time he kissed me, even though this was much gentler than before. His scruffy hair tickled my cheek and his nose bumped mine as he turned his face to take my lips fully. I breathed a soft moan against him and I felt his smile on my lips. My chest leaned forward to meet his and his hand slid from my jaw into my hair smoothly. My heart pounded in my chest as I felt my head spinning and I could only concentrate on how soft his lips felt against mine as he invaded all of my senses. I was amazed by his ability to take my breath away and I could feel the familiar flutter in my chest that only he could give me. Someone sharply cleared their throat and we broke apart reluctantly. I glanced over to discover Octavia watching us from the door with an amused look and her brow raised in interest.
"Well, you two didn't waste any time." She crooned as she surveyed us and although I was sure that I would have been embarrassed to be caught in the act at any other time, I was too glad for the sight of her to feel anything but relief.
"Octavia!" I gasped as tears filled my eyes and she smiled fondly as she stepped toward me. Bellamy quickly stood and wandered quietly from the room. I felt an immediate pang at his absence but I kept my focus on Octavia as she neared and sat on the bed. "You're a hell of a sight for sore eyes." I breathed as I poured over her and she smiled at me with watery eyes. Her hair was braided in several small plaits away from her face and I could still see some residue of what seemed to be war paint around her eyes. Even though Bellamy had warned me that she was involved with the grounders now, it was still jarring to see her looking so different. I forced the sadness from my mind and met her tear filled green eyes with a feeling of sentimentality. "God I missed you so much." I whispered as I regarded her.
"Not as much as you missed my brother by the looks of it." She teased as she smiled at me coyly even through her emotion and I chuckled under my breath. It was refreshing to find that her suggestive humour was still intact and I was reassured to hear it again.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want kisses too?" I insinuated as I leaned forward to grab her face in my hands and used her shock to plaster her skin in playful butterfly kisses. She snorted in laughter and tried to bat me off until I was giggling too hard to continue. The strain of the laughter caused me to wince in pain and the sound pulled us back into the reality of our situation. I sat back to wipe my eyes of tears that were a combination of relief and joy and took in the welcome sight of her smile. I felt a wave of sadness as I remembered the pain of the earth shattering moment that the dropship launched and my lip trembled as I tried to stop the feelings from overflowing. "I thought I'd lost you." I muttered and she took my hand in hers with a gentle squeeze. "I'm so glad you're okay." I added as I absorbed the sight of her and she smiled fondly.
"You too. It's good to have you back." She stated before she pulled me into a tight embrace. She held me to her for several minutes and I enjoyed basking in her presence. It felt like it had been years since it was just the two of us against the world and things were finally back to how they were supposed to be. I heard rushed footsteps and saw Bellamy re-enter the space with an older brunette woman immediately behind him. She hurried in to look at me and Octavia sat back to glance over her shoulder at her. "I'll let Doc check you over. Get some rest." She answered with a final affectionate squeeze on my shoulders before wandering from the room. Bellamy remained in place at the door with his arms crossed as he watched the woman approach me with a worried look.
"Well, it's nice to formally meet you at last. My name is Abby Griffin, I'm Clarke's mother." She smiled as she reached me and I gulped awkwardly. I tried not to concentrate on my ill treatment of Clarke as she busied herself with checking me over. She worked thoroughly, checking my blood pressure, temperature and all of the other necessary tests before checking my wound. "I've heard quite a lot about you from the other kids of your camp. It sounds like you've played a large part in keeping them alive all of this time. I'd say they've been lucky to have you." She spoke thoughtfully as she worked and I scoffed. I glanced over to Bellamy who smiled with amusement dancing in his eyes at her words. I returned my attention to her and shuffled awkwardly as I saw her notice the way that we spied at each other. I found myself wondering exactly how much she knew and tried not to focus too hard on the thought. "Your vitals are looking good and the wound seems to be healing nicely. A couple more days and you should be ready to join the rest of camp." She summarised as she smiled at me and I felt my heart drop in disappointment.
"Come on Doc. I've spent way too long locked up, attached to wires and being treated like a specimen in that mountain." I appealed to her and she sighed at me. "I can't sit in this room for days, I'll go mad." I justified and she scanned me in frustration.
"Indigo, you were shot." She began as she scolded me like a misbehaving child and I huffed in annoyance at her tone. "You're not even ready to walk yet. You need to rest." She instructed and I quickly realised that I had not missed the restrictions of the adults of the Ark. I no longer felt my own age after everything I'd been through on Earth and I certainly didn't appreciate being parented.
"I've survived worse than a gunshot, I'll manage." I drawled as I accidentally allowed my bitterness to show. I recalled that she was part of the council that had made the decision to send us down here and I couldn't contain the cold look that escaped to my face. She grimaced before recovering to an understanding smile.
"I appreciate your strength, but this isn't something you can just tough out." She spoke in a gentler tone now as she viewed me with sympathy and I got the impression that I wasn't the first of the 100 to remind her how much we'd grown in our time here. "If you start walking too soon you'll rip your stitches. You were lucky to survive this already, don't push your luck." She advised as she pondered me with concern. I turned subtly to Bellamy with a pleading expression and he cleared his throat as he entered the space.
"Surely she could rest somewhere else?" He suggested and she squinted over at him with a pointed expression that revealed she wasn't impressed with him for getting involved.
"Bellamy, she can't walk!" She repeated with an impatient tone as she raised a brow at him and he shifted under her scrutiny. He returned his gaze to me with a mischievous look and I was glad to find that he hadn't given up on me yet.
"She doesn't have to walk." He argued and she perceived him with confusion. "I'll carry her." He suggested and I smiled at his devious idea. I couldn't help a feeling of girlish delight at the idea of him carrying me out of here to my freedom and I annoyed myself with my simple desires. Abby glimpsed between the two of us with tired eyes.
"I don't think either of you are fully understanding how serious this is." She sighed as she caught us staring at each other with blatant attraction and I could tell that she was tired of our young group causing issues with their hormones. "She almost died, I was barely able to save her and you're acting as if you're simply trying to get out of being grounded." She lectured and I saw a slight subtle smile in the corner of Bellamy's lips as he crept his way toward me.
"I hear you Abby, I know it's serious. And I promise I'll be careful with her." He spoke coyly and he started to wrap me in the blanket before sliding his hands beneath me. He paused once in position to meet my eyes with concern. "Tell me straight away if anything hurts." He stated firmly and I nodded in acceptance. He gently lifted me into his arms, moving in slow, careful motions until he completely straightened up to standing and held me in a bridal style.
"Bellamy stop!" Abby shouted as she moved to block our exit and observed me in worry.
"I'm fine Doc, no pain at all. It's a perfectly safe transfer." I smiled and she neared to check my dressing for any sign of damage. I waited nervously for her to order me back to bed and I decided that I needed to take a more emotional approach if I was going to win her over. "Please Abby, I can't stay cooped up in wards any longer." I pleaded with a pained look and her stern expression finally crumbled.
"Where are you going to take her?" She asked as she glared up at Bellamy in a sceptical manner. "The dorms aren't exactly restful." She sighed as she rubbed her forehead in frustration. I noticed a mischievous look crossed Bellamy's face and I knew that whatever he was about to do or say would be a gamble.
"She can stay in my room, I'll make sure she's not disturbed." He suggested in his best attempt at an innocent voice and I could hardly believe that he'd been brave enough to suggest this to her face. He beheld her with a hopeful expression and I had to hold my breath through the tension of the silence. Abby sighed and threw her hands up in exasperation.
"Fine! Please be careful how you move her." She ordered and we both nodded obediently. I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought of getting some time alone with him and she clocked us both with an expression that showed that she anticipated the worst from us. "And both of you, make sure she rests! I mean it, I don't want to see her back here in a couple of hours needing new stitches because you two couldn't behave yourselves." She added as she raised a brow at us and I felt my cheeks redden slightly at her implication.
"Absolutely, doctors orders." Bellamy agreed before he looked down at me with evident excitement in his smile. "Come on Trouble. Let's get you out of here." He quipped as he swung me to face the doors and I could hear Abby calling out in annoyance at his rapid movement as I cackled wildly.
He carried me carefully through the camp, ensuring that I was properly covered by the blanket and I was surprised by how cold it was outside. He stuck to the outer edges of the camp to avoid being seen by too many residents and I felt a strange sense of nostalgia as we entered the familiar halls of the Ark. It was bizarre to be inside the structure when I knew that we were on Earth and it felt as if two contradictory parts of my life collided as I noticed daylight streaming in through the windows that had previously only ever showed space. We entered a large, well furnished room and he carried me over to the bed to place me down with cautious movements. I knew that he had been instructed to be careful with me, but I resented being treated as if I was so delicate and fidgeted to make myself comfortable. I pondered the wide space and was pleasantly surprised by the room that he had been assigned.
"You know, you were right. This isn't bad at all, especially the whole having an actual bed part. I have to admit though, I still kind of prefer the charm of the tent." I teased as I met his eyes and he explored me fondly.
"Well, it has at least one more advantage on the tent." He said coyly as he stood by the bed and I raised a brow at him with interest.
"Oh yeah?" I asked as I felt a nervous sense of anticipation after his earlier choice of comparison between the two locations; I wondered if he would use this as a segway into kissing me again and I had to admit that I wouldn't mind. He crossed the room and closed the door, turning to face me with a suggestive look as he slowly slid the lock across. I felt my heart start to race as he scanned me and I tried to deny the excitement that grew in my chest. "No more rude interruptions? However will you cope?" I spoke with a playful tone as he sauntered back over to the bed and perched on the edge to face me with concern.
"So, it's just us, you don't need to put on a brave face now." He spoke in a serious tone and I was confused by the sudden change in his demeanour. "How are you really?" He investigated as he studied me closely and I could tell that he was trying to analyse my reaction. I had no doubt that he knew me well enough to see through any false answers but I was so distracted by the thrill of being alone with him that I was able to be honest.
"I'm fine Bellamy." I answered with a confident smile and he looked sceptical. "You don't need to fuss over me. I feel better right now than I have in a long time." I added as I brought my focus back to him with a feeling of contentment. His eyes flitted down to my stomach, then back at me with a doubtful expression.
"Can I check?" He requested and I peeked at him in surprise. "I want to make sure I didn't do any damage getting you here, you don't seem to be the best at noticing your injuries." He spoke with a poignant look at me and I had nothing I could say to argue with his logic. I nodded at him and he took a deep breath as he moved closer to me.
He gently lifted the blanket off me to reveal my loosely dressed form. I felt my cheeks growing warm as his eyes briefly scanned over me and I tried to contain the tension that built inside of me. Bellamy carefully gripped the lower edge of my vest and slid it up to reveal the fresh, white dressing on the left side of my waist. I felt goosebumps spread over my skin as his hand brushed my waist. He traced his fingers along the edge of the dressing and my eyes fluttered closed as I battled my urge to touch him. My mind strained to concentrate on anything else but my heart wouldn't cooperate. I opened my eyes to catch him gulping as he met my gaze and I was overwhelmed with impulsiveness.
I sat up to put a hand on his jaw and pulled him into an urgent kiss. He took a sharp intake of breath before surrendering himself to my touch. The kiss that he returned was gentle, as if he was trying to hold back the swell of desire that threatened to sweep us away but it wasn't gentleness that I wanted now. I felt the crushing power of the tension that had been building between us since I first laid eyes on him, clean and tidy with his neatly combed back hair in the dropship and I shivered with a fresh feeling of attraction. My hand knotted in his shirt to bring him closer to me, desperate to feel him against me as I enjoyed the rugged, dishevelled look that he wore in recent days. I was drawn to the man that he'd become since we arrived here and I could ignore the magnetising lust for him no longer. I felt like I'd been disconnected from a potent power source as he removed himself from me and he moved back to view me anxiously.
"You're supposed to be resting Indie." He spoke reluctantly between heavy breaths and although his words were scolding, I could see the fire of temptation dancing in his eyes.
"I feel very rested." I crooned and subtly drifted back to him as he visibly struggled to resist me. My lips brushed his gently and for a few seconds he slipped into the moment as he leaned into me as if he were pulled by some enchanting force. I moved slowly to thread my fingers into his hair and lured him back into our connection as I longed to feel his skin on mine. He pulled back regretfully, blinking several times as if combating dizziness and tried to fix me with a serious look, despite the obvious arousal in his body language. He gripped my wrists to contain me and I sighed in annoyance as he raised a disapproving brow at me.
"I'm serious." He stated with an attempt at a firm tone but his voice shook subtly and I could sense that he was struggling to maintain control. "You got shot." He breathed as his eyes flickered to my waist and the worry returned. I scoffed at his words and rolled my eyes.
"Everyone keeps saying that like I don't realise, I was there you know." I huffed as I removed my wrists from him and sat back out of his space. He peeked at me with concern and I met his eyes with a feeling of sadness in my chest. "I'm fully aware that I almost died again; right after spending weeks locked away, thinking that you were dead." I added as his look softened and I felt the familiar pang of pain as I remembered the grief that I'd experienced. I glanced at him pleadingly and my voice dropped to a low tone as I tried to reason with him.
"Bellamy right now we're alive, we're safe and we're alone. We may not get this chance again. If this whole mess has taught me anything, it's to embrace the moment whilst it's here and not to waste your chances. I don't want to live with any more regret." I explained and he nodded slightly as he viewed me with understanding. I noticed that he was slowly becoming less guarded as he absorbed my words and his eyes started to roam over me with a conflicted interest as he considered what to do. I could tell that his resolve was wavering and so I leaned into him again to kiss his cheek, lingering by his ear. "I want this, don't you?" I whispered in a breathy voice, peppering featherlight kisses along his cheek and down onto his neck as I was enveloped in his musky scent. He made a low growl that tickled against my lips and as I leaned back to kiss him fully, he cradled my face with a shaking hand that held me back weakly.
"Don't tempt me." He growled as he met my eyes with a passion that heated the air in the barely existent space between us. "I don't want to hurt you." He whispered in a softer voice as his brows furrowed in worry.
I smiled warmly at him and felt comforted by his care. I sensed a slight vulnerability that lurked under my desire. Although the regret that haunted me in Mount Weather urged me to seize the moment, I couldn't deny that there was still an element of nervousness in my chest for what I was about to do. For a fleeting moment, I felt the worries return that he might toss me aside afterwards, that what was between us would burn out now that he'd succeeded in rescuing me, that he'd simply move on to the next damsel in distress. I had to mentally remind myself that even if that happened, I would never again be haunted by what ifs or feel that I had missed a chance at happiness. I stared into his passionate, whisky brown eyes and I felt that in this moment, I knew exactly what I wanted. It had never been clearer and the worries over what might happen afterwards faded away into nothing.
"Then I guess you'll have to be gentle with me." I whispered suggestively and I watched as the last of his resolve crumbled before me.
He pulled my face to his and slammed his lips against mine hungrily. The feeling was different than before as he threaded his fingers into my hair and grasped a handful of it with a frenzied tenacity. My heart pounded in my chest so fast that I worried it might explode. His tongue slipped into my mouth as he deepened the kiss and he pulled me into him so that I was pressed against his chest. I suddenly understood why people describe kissing as melting as I could feel myself becoming pliable under his touch. I could barely breathe through the heat that radiated from him and the moment was all consuming as I surrendered myself to him.
He gently pushed me backwards in a manoeuvre that was measured and careful even through the intensity of our contact and I laid back on the bed with him following eagerly, his lips never leaving mine. The feeling of his body on mine made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I felt a rush of exhilaration pass through my entire body. He sat up to slide up his t-shirt smoothly, tousling his loose curls as he pulled it over his head and threw it across the room. My eyes fell to his muscular chest in an involuntary action and I bit my lip at the sight of him. I expected him to laugh or make a comment as I continued to stare at him with what could only be an aroused delight, but by the time I dragged my gaze back to his face, he was encouraging me to sit up so that he could delicately remove my vest. I flinched at the movement, glad that he assisted me without my asking as I was unsure if I could do it myself.
It took all of my concentration to contain a hiss of pain as the vest slid over my head; I was desperate not to give him any reason to stop now. When the fabric cleared my view, I was met with his ravishing eyes as I sat bare chested before him. It felt strange to expose myself to him like this and I squirmed uncomfortably as his gaze fell onto the assortment of scars that littered my body. He looked up to notice my light rose blush and I avoided meeting his eyes. I'd had so many injuries since we arrived here that it felt like I had almost more scars than unmarked skin and I couldn't help wondering if he was disappointed in what he found beneath my clothes. He brushed his fingers slowly along a mark that stretched the length of my collarbone and I observed him with an insecure expression, drawing his focused eyes to mine.
"You're beautiful." He whispered and I felt my cheeks flush hot at his unexpected comment. He neared to kiss the scar with a gentleness that I never would've anticipated from him and my eyes fluttered closed. He slowly guided me to lay back as he worked his way across my torso, placing lingering kisses on every mark as I laid in a sultry sense of ecstasy. His lips drew a hot trail along my skin until he reached my neck, dragging out the slightly nipping kisses there in a teasing, gradual journey to meet my lips. He laid beside me, examining my face with a tempered hunger as he brushed my ruffled hair behind my ear.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked with one last assessing look. I sighed shakily as I stared into his bewitching eyes and although I was nervous, I felt safe in his arms.
"I've never been so sure of anything." I breathed, earning an amorous smile from him.
I'd never imagined being ready for something like this, but intimacy with Bellamy felt as natural as breathing. He kept me too absorbed in him to be distracted by insecurity as I always feared that I would be. In fact, I was hardly able to think at all as he kept me utterly mesmerised. The experience was nothing like the movies, nor the vivid description of screaming and thrashing around that Octavia had rather traumatised me with. It was patient and gentle, it was easy and most of all, it felt like it was much more than just sex to both of us. I felt that I knew him more profoundly than I believed possible and I'd allowed him to share a vulnerable part of me that I usually tried to shield from the world. There were no fireworks, no cracked headboards, no theatricals, just the simple passion that we shared for each other forming into a bond that connected us on a deeper level than before. He rolled onto his back panting and I curled into him, setting my head on his chest to look up at him with a contented focus as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I can't even tell you how long I've imagined doing that." He admitted between wheezes and I sniggered shyly as I struggled to catch my breath too.
"You're not the only one." I muttered bashfully and he raised a brow at me in surprise. I avoided his prying eyes and wished that I'd kept that thought to myself. It still felt strange to openly admit my attraction to him and I was yet to develop confidence in it. It seemed foolish to be embarrassed after what had just happened between us but I was reluctant to open up to him first.
"You could've fooled me! You kept me guessing for a while there." He chuckled and I couldn't contain a giggle that escaped my lips. I met his eyes with a sentimental delight as I basked in the joy of his smile.
"I was nervous to put myself out there, I didn't know if you were just messing with me." I confessed as I watched him scoff in response.
"I thought I'd made my interest pretty clear." He sighed as he leaned forward to gently kiss my forehead and I felt butterflies in my chest as his lips brushed the tip of my scar without any notice.
"I guess it took some reflection time to change my perspective." I commented as I stared up at him. Although I felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be in this moment, tangled in the covers with him, there was still a feeling of disbelief as I stared into his relaxed face. There seemed to be a delay in my heart understanding that he was back seemingly from the dead and every time that this fact struck me again I experienced a fresh wave of appreciation for his presence. "Everything got clearer once I thought you were gone." I whispered with a hint of sadness in my voice. He sighed deeply as he pondered me and I noticed that his expression became reflective.
"Yeah, I get that." He admitted as he carefully pushed my hair behind my ear and settled his hand on my cheek. He stared into my eyes with an intensity that stunned me. "I searched everywhere for you." He revealed and I felt myself take a sharp breath at the emotion in his voice. "I thought the grounders had taken you, I was ready to take on the entire army." He described and I smiled, not doubting his statement at all. "It was torture, not knowing what had happened to you. By the time we found Clarke and she told us that you were in Mount Weather, it was a struggle to wait for them to get a plan together. I just wanted to get you back." He blurted as he stroked my face with a mesmerised smile. I felt like I was in a dream, like the words falling from his swollen, over-kissed lips couldn't possibly be for me. "You have no idea how hard it was to stay in control in that Mountain, every part of the plan went wrong and I couldn't find you anywhere." He aired his thoughts without any hesitation and my heart warmed at his honesty.
"I have a pretty good idea." I drawled as I explored the finer details of his face. I studied him like he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. His radiant skin was warm even in the low light of the room and I reached up to brush his charming natural curls out of his face. I continued to adore the freckles that decorated his complexion and it struck me that they were a treasured reminder of my mother. He considered me with a sparkle in his perfect eyes as I lost myself in him. He smiled tenderly as my attention fell to his lips and I brushed my fingers across the slight scar that framed them, wondering what the story was behind it. I couldn't get past my need to observe him, to confirm that he was here and I felt as if I should make the most of every moment after the pain of the last few weeks. I met his eyes and prepared myself to meet his honesty with my own.
"I really believed that you were dead. You, Octavia, Raven and so many others. I woke up in that mountain with the knowledge that my entire family was gone. I grieved for you and I had to try to continue with the regret." I admitted. I watched his brows furrow and concern crept into the corners of his eyes. "I focused on protecting the people that were left and I was lucky to have Monty and Jasper to keep that focus alive. I would love to say that I held it together without you, that I stepped up to lead them in your place like everyone keeps saying that I did but the truth is, I don't think I would even be alive right now if there hadn't been a threat to distract me." I divulged as I allowed my emotions to speak for themselves.
He wrapped his fingers delicately around my wrist as he turned it slightly toward his face and I couldn't meet his eyes. It was difficult for me to even consider reliving the moments that led me to these scars, even with him and I squirmed in discomfort as I felt him inspecting me. I startled at the sudden sensation of his lips placing a featherlight kiss on the tender skin of my wrist and I peeked at him through guilty eyes.
"Never again." He declared as he held my gaze and I squinted at him in confusion. "I know that you thought we were all gone, but this can't ever happen again. Do you understand me?" He confirmed with a firm tone to his voice and his gaze was filled with intensity as he assessed me. I nodded back through a gathering of unspent tears. "You can't give up Indie, no matter what happens in the future you have to keep fighting. Promise me that you will." He insisted and it became much harder to contain my emotions.
"I promise." I responded in a small voice as a single tear rolled down my cheek and he brushed it away. He gathered me into him, wrapping his arms tightly around me and I breathed him in. He placed a comforting kiss on my forehead, smoothing my hair and I felt a flutter in my chest.
"You shouldn't be embarrassed of them. They're like the others, something that you survived. You don't have to hide them." He advised as he ran his thumb along one of the scars on my wrist and I smiled at his perspective.
I drifted into the most restful sleep that I'd ever experienced, wrapped in the incomparable safety of his arms. For the first time in weeks, it was dreamless and I wasn't haunted by anything. My brain couldn't even create any pleasant dreams that would trump my reality and so instead I was able to switch off completely.