Home... Finally
I stayed silent. I don't want to say anything that might ruin the mood since it's Levy's birthday. Natsu was left in the building since he still has to fix something in the 40th floor. Cana rode in my car while Gajeel fetched Levy.
"He looks miserable," Cana tried.
"Stop it, Cana, you're making this worst for me."
"He should be, though. He has a son and he doesn't know. I wonder what would happen if he finds out?" I glanced at her in the corner of my eyes and saw her orbs challenging me. I didn't reply.
"Anyway, about Gajeel's proposal. We'll bring Levy to the dance floor."
I nodded. Gajeel already told me but I decided to listen to Cana so she can stop with pushing me about Natsu.
"Then I'll bring the cake for Levy's surprise. After blowing the candle, in the middle of the dancefloor, Gajeel would propose. So we all have to be in the dancefloor."
I nodded. We continued chatting about that until we arrived to the bar. I saw some familiar cars. Levy invited many people. We went inside the bar and bumped into some acquaintances. They told us that Levy and Gajeel aren't here yet.
We went to the sofa where some of our friends are waiting. We have a large group and it's been a while since we had a get together so we used the time to catch up while waiting for the couple.
"How are you, Lucy? Where are you working right now?" a college friend asked.
"Oh! Just freelance. I don't want to work regularly yet."
Cana elbowed me while we're chatting. I was shocked when she left our seat and transferred to the sofa where Bacchus is, the owner of the club. She smirked.
I followed her gaze and my eyes widened when I saw Natsu walking towards our sofa. Bixslow went to greet him and I was startled that they knew each other. They talked a bit so I threw Cana a sharp look. She told him about this!
"Natsu Dragneel's your boyfriend, Lucy?" our friend asked.
"Oh! No..." I quickly shook my head and smiled.
"Lucy..." Bixslow teased, the bartender in the bar where Natsu and I first met.
"It's been what? Three or four years?" he slightly pointed to Natsu.
Natsu turned to me and bravely sat beside me. I scooted a little to put some space between us. Why is he here?
"What is it, Bix?"
"I said... It's been three or four years since he asked me for your name."
I didn't immediately reply. I processed what he said for a while. Cana's eyes widened like she remembered something.
"We were here when you two first met!" Cana exclaimed.
"You are always here, Alberona. But yeah! He asked me he asked me who's the dancing blonde," Bixslow shrugged.
I turned to Natsu. All this time, I thought he researched about me before he approached me. That he knows me as Jude Heartfilia's daughter so he talked to me.
"Hey! Guys! Levy and Gajeel's here!" another friend of us said.
Natsu and I looked at each other. I don't know what to feel. The only thing I'm sure of is everything's complicated. The walls I tried so hard to build cracked. I don't want to admit it but it's true.
We stood up to greet Levy. Natsu stayed attached to my hip. Our group became nosier as the party started. They opened a champagne while cheering for Levy's day.
"Cheers! Happy birthday, Levy!" Cana exclaimed while bumping her beer to Levy's champagne glass.
Natsu joined us despite Gajeel's glare. His sharp eyes went to me for a moment, asking for our status. I just shook my head.
The music got louder, a sign that the plan is about to start. Levy and Gajeel sat in the sofa and chatted a bit while the others started to go to the dance floor.
I stood up and left Natsu in the sofa. Cana and I pulled Levy to the dancefloor.
"Stop it! I don't want to!" Levy blushed.
"Come on! It's your birthday, Lev!"
We squished ourselves in the sea of our friends. We formed a circle, many of them hugged her and said congratulations while Levy said her thanks. Maybe she thought it's because it's her birthday.
We danced. We had fun. We spent a few minutes of dancing before Cana took out the cake. All inside the circle we made started singing and clapping their hands. The electronic music got louder so we cheered more.
Our shouts of greeting stopped when Gajeel ruffled Levy's hair and took her right hand. We slightly gave them space. All phones and cameras were out for that moment. I also took out my phone while getting teary eyed for my best friend. Levy's mouth was covered by her left hand as Gajeel slide the ring to her ring finger without asking. She laughed at how it was very a Gajeel thing to do.
I chuckled but my breath got caught in my throat when I felt a huge hand on my waist. I slowly lowered my phone. I felt Natsu's hot breath on the side of my cheek as he placed his chin on my shoulder.
He held my hand that is holding my phone and returned it to its previous position to properly take a video of the engaged couple.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Trying to make you do it properly?" He brushed his thumb to my hand.
My hand stayed that way. I was taking a video of Levy and Gajeel as they hugged but I cannot properly follow what's happening because of Natsu's tight hug.
Some of our friends cried and some danced happily. The others hugged Levy and said their congratulations. I stayed on my position, stoned at Natsu's hug.
His embrace is nostalgic. It's taking me back to our club escapades three years ago.
"I'm home... finally..." he whispered right beside my ear.
It was a miracle that I managed to catch it despite the loud electronic music in the bar. I caressed his large hand which is on my stomach. Everything about him was very familiar. My chest tightened because of longing and fear. Longing for him and fear that this is one of his traps again.
"Natsu, please stop this. If you want to hurt me because of what happened years ago, then... you've succeeded. You already hurt me. Many times. Even before."
The bar is loud but I know he heard me. He turned me around to face him. We looked at each other's eyes. His eyes were pitch black. I don't know if it's because of the dark ambiance of the bar or he's just really angry.
"Stop this? Why would I stop?" He asked.
I wanted to get angry. I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to tell him everything in the most furious way I can muster but I couldn't. My insides can't do it. Because I know that even if I wanted to be ruthless and spat at him for everything, I'll just get hurt too because I still love him. I would still be gentle to him. I would still take the pain silently... I hate myself for it! Because I love like this. Not just to him but also to my parents. How I want to stand up for myself angrily but ending up to crying silently just because of my too much love for them.
"Stop because I'm tired. If you wanted to hurt me because of what happened before, you already did, believe me. You've succeeded. We're even," I said in a quiet voice.
"No... we're not. You left me years ago. Without a word. Only a statement telling the public that I manipulated you. That I fooled you... "
He caged my cheeks with his palms. He lowered his head and put our foreheads together. I bit my lip. This distance makes my knees melt.
"I couldn't do anything. That's what I thought!"
"What was your evidence that I fooled you? Why wasn't it in your statement, huh?" His tone was full of blame.
I didn't notice that we're no longer at the heart of the dancefloor. Everyone's already dancing and we're on the edge of the platform already. My heart raced.
"It's not in there. You should've written it too."
"I didn't need the evidence. I know you fooled me. At least that time. Natsu, I was shot. My family got targeted and those are your men! Now, I know you're not the suspect but that time, yes, I admit it, I blamed you. I thought you were the one who did it."
He stared at me without a word like he's letting me say everything that's on my mind.
"And we weren't anything but fuck buddies. You clearly told me that we're not in for something deeper. So what would I think, right? You don't care for me. So why would I believe that you're not the one who..."
He stared at me seriously before slightly distancing his face from my to properly catch my eyes, "I don't care for you? Really?"
I couldn't look back at him. I almost didn't hear his deep voice because of the noise.
"You never said you cared. You didn't love me. All you care about was our physical relationship. So why would I think that you couldn't do that to me?" His hands went down to both my arms. He held it tight but not enough to hurt me. So tight that I know I can never escape.
"Why? Would you leave if I told you I love you, years ago? Would you see me if I told you I cared for you?"
I couldn't talk. He slightly pulled me to him, forcing me to look at his eyes but I stubbornly refused.
"Tell me... You'd still leave right? Even if you knew I was going to be hurt so much? Even if you knew I love you, you'd still leave me!"
Tears outlined my eyes. The accusation in his voice didn't escape my ears. He pulled my chin up but my eyes remained looking down. I don't want to look at him right now.
"You'd still leave even if I told you before how much I love you. You're the one who doesn't care about me. You don't care about me at all. You would still leave! Even if it means you'll break me beyond repair! You would still leave without a word! Right? You would still leave..."
"Natsu..." I bit my lip. I left because I want to protect myself and my son. "That's enough..."
"Now, Lucy..." He caught my eyes. I don't want to look at him but his onyx eyes are to authoritative and too expert in caging my eyes with his gaze. "Is that all it takes?"
I looked down again. His eyes were full of emotions I couldn't fathom. No words can describe the emotion swirling in his forest orbs which makes a beautiful mix that is too overwhelming for me. Those are too many. I saw anger, loathe, hurt, and many more. I just couldn't look at him. It's scary! I can't take the intensity of his eyes.
"Lucy, listen to me! I want you to look at me! Look at me right now!" He shouted.
I couldn't hold my sobs. My tears fell down one after another until I couldn't control it anymore. He softly tugged my chin up and forced to own my eyes.
"Look at me, Lucy Heartfilia. After all those years, after all those things, after everything that's happened..."
His eyes became soft and lidded. His lips were bright red and his eyes were blood shot.
"I am still motherfucking in love with you. Do you hear me?" His voice became too soft. I almost didn't hear it.
My lips trembled. I felt my knees' warning to give out so I braced myself. My heartbeat is racing against each other that I felt like my heartbeat is about to burst. I don't even know if I'm still on my right mind.
"Do you hear me, Luce?" His voice is gentle.
He caressed my cheeks. Brushing off the tears I shed. I felt my heart flinching. Is this true? I don't know.
"I am in love with you, until now... After everything..." he said in a hoarse voice.
It was only when I noticed that the DJ was not longer there and the people around us calmed down. They were no longer dancing and are just taking pictures. I heard my own sobs upon the realisation that the pounding beats of electronic music disappeared. Has it been like this since we started talking? That's why I heard him? Or am I just imagining the words I wanted to hear for so long? I don't know...
"Please..." Natsu bit his lips and tightly closed my eyes.
I bravely looked at him like that. The tightening of my chest is not stopping at all.
"Please, take me back. Take me back, Luce... I want you to take me back," he breathed.
The speakers blasted again for another electronic beat. He opened his eyes and saw them glistening with unshed tears.
Is this true? Is this really happening? Did he really say that he loves me?
He held my hands and clasped it with his. He took a deep breath and that's when it dawned on me that he's not waiting for an immediate answer. "Let's go back to your friends..." he said in a tired voice.
He didn't wait for my reply anymore. He gently leaded me out the dance floor with my mind on a haywire and heart beating louder than the music reigning over the bar.