Chapter 21.

Their first kiss was long and passionate, tasting each other's lips with endless hunger until they ran out of breath, holding each other so tight as if they had been afraid of losing their loved one. He was caressing her hair and her neck slowly, while her fingers and her palms kept on resting on his back, feeling his muscles under her fingertips. Both of them threw away their shyness and perfect good manners, and for the first time both of them dared to show such courage and passion that only love could conjure.

When Helena felt that she was close to faint out of breathlessness, Amon pulled his mouth away from hers and kissed her forehead tenderly. He was staring at her, still being unable to believe his own eyes and senses. Was it all a dream? How come she was there in his arms, kissing his mouth, confessing her love for him, by her own intention, without being forced to do so? Was she really the same woman who had shouted at him, expressing deep hatred and fear, who had tried to run away from him, who would have chosen death in order to escape from him?

- Helena…

She was looking at him with such a bright and tender smile as if she had been the happiest person in the world. She did feel that she was the happiest woman in the middle of the hell. In spite of the horrible past, in spite of all the pain and fear, hate and misery, in spite of the wartime present, when both of them were in constant danger, she felt that she had really found the man she loved and she wanted to spend her life with. Did it seem madness? She knew that it did seem to but she knew that he had already proved to be such a special man that one could not find anywhere.

- Herr Kommandant.

He always liked how she called him that way, at least during the previous months, when those two words were filled with respect and positive expectations, but he wanted to hear something more intimate this time.

- Call me Amon, please.

Helena blushed a little hearing his wish. It was so difficult to pronounce his first name, so intimate, so close, so realistic. It made her realise again that everything that happened in the last few minutes was real and not just a game of her imagination. Even in her dreams and in her thoughts, she always called him "Herr Kommandant". But the expectation and desire in his eyes helped her to defeat the difficulty, to make him happy.

- Amon…

A beautiful smile flowed all over Amon's face and it made him look even more handsome. Helena could do nothing but stare at him in awe.

Amon was still smiling but his voice became filled with anxiety.

- What will happen now? Are you sure about this? Do you really love me? Are you really able to love me?

Helena caressed his cheek softly.

- I know that I love you, more than anyone in this world. I mean that.

- But…

She knew what he wanted to say.

- You won't forget the past, and neither will I. This is something that we cannot change. But I know now who you really are and the past is past. It is over. You had changed so much. I can forgive you, but can you forgive yourself? – she turned the question - Can you love me and ignore the past?

Amon stayed silent.

He could clearly see and really appreciate her honesty and her determination. He had always admired her, first her fragile beauty, then her courage, strength and will power. This brave and courageous Helena, who was not ashamed of confessing and showing her deepest and most secret emotions, was someone he desired so much more than before. But the question was: does he really deserve her? Does he really deserve such a precious gift? Does such a bloody-handed monster really deserve true love and care? Especially from someone he had tortured and hurt so many times? He knew well that his debts for her were far much bigger than he could ever repay but in the depth of his mind and heart, he hoped that he would be given a chance.

His silence frightened Helena.

She was scared that he would give up on her and refuse her love, no matter how much and how long he had been craving for her. She could see how his guilty conscience and the past made his bright eyes darkened with pain and shame and she wished she could sweep those feelings away immediately and forever. She was also overwhelmed with her own emotions, with her passionate love for Amon, with her deep wish to be happy with him in spite of the horrors of the war, in spite of everything.

I wish you would say something. Say yes… please.

She didn't want to beg but she felt so close to do that.

- Do you need time to think about it? – she asked softly and made a step backwards.

Amon reacted immediately and pulled her back to his body closer.

- Don't go, please…

Helena became breathless again and snuggled up to his chest as close as possible. She wished he would never let her out of his arms anymore.

- I won't…

Amon enjoyed how she had stripped herself completely free from her fearful and quiet behaviour and attitude. This new Helena could not conceal her thoughts and desires and he loved it.

- Helena…

- Amon…

The softness she pronounced his name with made him smile again.

- I love you, I love you from the first moment I saw you. I cannot live without you but I don't want to force you to stay with me despite your will…

Helena touched his jawline tenderly.

- It wouldn't be any force as I want to be with you.

- I love you. You are the only woman I love and want.

- As you are the only man I love and want.

Amon laughed softly.

- You are stealing my words.

Helena looked up at him with a cheeky smile.

- I am just telling the truth.

Amon ran his forefinger along her cheekbone, caressing her skin, admiring her.

- I need you in my life, and I must repeat it again: I cannot live without you. If you really want me, I am here.

- You are all I want – she whispered shyly and put her head on his chest, above his heart. She could hear how fast his heart was beating, just like her own, and she could feel how tight his arms were wrapped around her body. Finally, she thought.

The deep embrace led to deeper kisses until it was Amon again who stopped.

- Helena…

The sternness in his voice made her look into his eyes.

- There is another thing we must talk about. The war is close to its end and we both know that who is on the losing side. I know I will be caught and sentenced, most possibly to death. I cannot promise you a long, happy life.

Helena shook her head a little on a stubborn way.

- I don't want to think about that future now…

Amon was smiling: her reaction amused her, but he was sticking to the topic to be discussed immediately.

- I have to because I want the best for you.

Helena put his head into her hands, almost forcing him to concentrate on her only, on her voice, on her desperate eyes, on her words.

- You are the best for me, please understand that. I don't want to live without you and I don't want to leave you. Maybe we cannot have as much time as I want us to have, but I cannot give up on you. We will be together as long as we can, please don't take that away from me.

Amon was obviously astonished by her passion and it was clearly seen in his eyes and on his smiling face. Her confession made him happy, it was a fantastic thing to experience, to feel and hear that she wanted him so badly as he had been wanting her for such a long time.

- When did you become so persistent?

Helena blushed softly, smiling innocently.

- I guess when I fell in love with you.

They spent the rest of the day and the night cuddlying up in each other's arms in Amon's bed, talking, caressing and kissing, and finally, sleeping. Amon enjoyed touching his Helena without her being scared or frightened, feeling her passionate love and hearing her quiet voice, making questions and remarks. She also enjoyed being in his arms, being showered by his love and tenderness, listening to him breathing and speaking, on a normal voice, free from the commanding or cruel tone.

Once more Amon tried to persuade Helena to accept his money and his help to move into a safer country like Switzerland and start a new life, but Helena refused it furiously. She made it absolutely clear that she wanted to live her life with him by her side and she was determined to accomplish that plan. That was when he gave up fighting against her will and against his own will.

They started to plan to move together into a smaller Swiss village, hidden among the mountains, far from the big cities and towns, into a little, simple house with a garden, into a community where no one would care about them and their past, where they could be free and themselves - until they fell asleep.