Construction still worked at a fever pitch on Buteral, but headlamps were no longer distributed. The lights were always on and Leia thought about getting blinds, either for the window in her quarters or for over her eyes. She didn't go out walking much anymore.
The Bavasuuti group had resumed their school year, as best as possible. Two of the conference rooms were converted into classrooms, and three teachers had been among the adult chaperones. They were cosmography and social science teachers, since that was the nature of the school trip, but they did their best to branch out and offer the sciences and arts, starting the day when the sea was high and the light artificial. The baby's mother started a club in the domestic arts, for girls mainly: plaiting and needlework, but the boys had lots of free time too so joined with a shrug. Major Klander organized hunt ball games, and in the evenings Leia could hear the shouts of play from the courtyard.
She had welcomed two other groups to Buteral. The numbers were growing. So too were the number requesting refugee status. Leia added names to lists: the one of the dead and the one for the lawsuit. She was also moving data, seaming someone's personal information with that of the reparations spreadsheet.
"Hello. Princess Leia?"
Leia looked up from her desk. "Yes?"
"May I?" A man took a hesitant step forward. "Sorry, I don't know the proper etiquette-" He decided a bow would be proper, and performed one, hands stiffly at his sides.
"You don't need to," Leia said with a swallow; sometimes her throat or her stomach or chest burned; she called it emotional indigestion and wanted it to stop. "May I help you?"
"My name is Marcov Petron. I'm with the Galaxy Satellite."
"Oh, yes," Leia said, recognizing him as soon as named the holonews source. He was nervous, she saw, like Han or Luke never were. Probably from a world that stratified social levels less than Alderaan had, and he thought he should treat her differently but he didn't know how.
Circumstance, Leia mused. When there was a lot going on, pressure and a fight for survival, societal niceties were dropped. Luke hadn't bowed when he entered her cell. He had taken his helmet off. Han had sneered.
Leia smiled to herself as she beckoned Marcov Petron forward. Months later she was proud she had complained and gotten that reaction from Han. She hadn't meant it as coming from a royal. It was from a person baited with freedom, only to learn her rescuers would get her killed.
Marcov Petron took a few more steps inside her office. "I wondered- I'm sure you're aware of the oral history project we're doing for Alderaan-"
"Yes, I am," Leia answered. She would make him work for whatever it was he wanted.
Petron's appearance was somewhat indistinct. Small features on a wide face, hair that hadn't decided whether to grow or shed. His belly protruded over his belt when he bowed. He was probably about Han's age, she thought, except she didn't know how old that was. Maybe older.
"I came to ask, to make certain," Petron was stammering in her presence, "that is, to see... if you've been included? As Princess, you have a special set of memories, quite possibly, I am thinking anyway, different from any other-"
He prattled on and Leia let him. Two days ago had been her father's life day. The computer date is what reminded her; it was set to Galactic Standard. It sneaked up on her, mean and nasty, and she went to her quarters to tend to her candle. She put a finger to the pool of molten wax, which was too hot but turned warm and soft quickly, taking the form of her fingertip. Leia peeled it off and folded it, but too soon it was hard and no longer malleable, and she let the flame dance under it to soften it again, and pressed it to the candle's top, rebuilding it. She brought up a memory of her father, but it was him at her eighth life day, the year she received a piece of her mother's jewelry. She didn't get much past today is my father's birthday. In her head she didn't even call him Pati.
The journalist was saying, "It was my idea and I was pleased Mon Mothma embraced it. Major Klander too; he says it's a therapy. Anyway, we set up a recording booth- the transcriptors TRAD lent us only record eight hours, so the narratives are being transcribed quickly. It's getting a lot of use and we'd like to make it available to you."
Leia's chin rested on her fist and she just listened. When Mon Mothma suggested it earlier Leia remembered feeling touched.
"-and if you can, if you're willing, I would hope that you would sit down for an interview. It can be about whatever-the war, or your memories- I'll take my cues from you. It'd certainly be a scoop, to have you speak-"
A scoop, Leia heard dryly. Of course. "I will, " Leia said, watching the man's face brighten and then fall, as she added, "Only now is not the proper time."
He wasn't so nervous now that she had agreed to an interview. A news hound, on the scent of a job. "As I said before, Your Highness, your perspective at this time, your-"
"My father took the Galaxy Satellite," Leia mentioned as casual interruption.
Marcov Petron reacted as if this was a piece of very important information. "The Satellite's reputation for journalistic integrity is built on just that," he said. "It pleases me to le-"
"Can you tell me," Leia wondered, thinking of something that had only been distantly related to something else, "what is the economic significance to a company such as the Satellite regarding Alderaan? I imagine it lost a good number of readers."
"Well, yes." Petron's face twisted in a sympathetic grimace. "I suppose we did. I don't have- I don't know those figures, but it is a news outlet with readers across the galaxy-"
"You'll recover, then," Leia presumed coldly. "Isn't that what you are saying, Mr. Petron? No matter the billion humans who bought bread each day, or the twenty percent of that number- less probably-who subscribed to the holonews, who spent a few paltry credits each day interacting with their galactic economy."
"Your Highness, I have no intention-"
"Instead it's credits the others would have spent on Alderaan, things they'll never have again- the doloschisst pearl jewelry, the tapestries. There'll be new items, furniture and print fabrics in the style of, because the source materials are gone forever. I saw the piece the Satellite did on Alderaan collectibles. How the prices have gone orbit high."
Leia had no idea she had pulled these thoughts and conclusions together. Listening as from out of her body, she thought she sounded like her mother the Queen, who possessed an intimate knowledge of Alderaan's unique industries. It was like a power, these words coming from her mouth, and as she noted Marcov Petron's stricken expression wondered idly if it wasn't a little bit like Luke sensing the Force for the first time. Always there, but he never knew it.
I would be queen.
It was time to tend to her candle. She went to her quarters several times a day to check it and make sure it was healthy. The window was closed to keep the gusts out.
Standing, she asked Petron, "Do you have a card? In honor of tradition, of Viceroy Organa's habits and likes, I promise when I am ready to say something, I will choose the Satellite."
"Thank you, Your Highness." Petron fished in a pocket and handed her his calling chip. "And the booth is up there," he gestured vaguely out the window, toward the residential platform.
"I know," Leia said.
"That project is important to me," he turned to tell her upon leaving. "Yes, it's true the Satellite is a for-profit company, but also, we tell stories. And this one is a big one."
"Stories were important on Alderaan, too," Leia said. "But I have too much to do. It might not be until I near the end of my life."
"The problem with that is we never know when that will be," Petron said. "It might be too soon."
That was true, Leia thought, but it didn't cause a reaction within her. She remained behind a few minutes to make sure he was out of the building, her face in her palm, not counting anything.
Leia showed up at Dr. Rentzal's office faithfully, though she was growing disillusioned with the whole process and wondered if it the continuation of the CBA was even necessary.
It was difficult to make herself keep the appointments, but once there found herself reluctant to leave. Maybe she resented the timer. She didn't like talking, but she liked talking with someone. Dr. Renzatl was polished and professional, a bit like a princess should be. Leia liked her. She reminded her of herself. Maybe that's why she kept going. A place where decorum was continued. And their conversations were interesting. They spoke of theory, and the psychology of humankind in general. Leia was interested, not in the now of her situation, but how she had evolved to be. Which of her was she: her mother the queen, or the one who created her. Was she the progeny of the goddesses, or the product of a planet.
She talked about her father a lot, too, because he was on her mind, his birthday and his manner of death, and she thought it an acceptable way- a harmless way- for the doctor to learn about her.
"I do feel I'm better," she assured the doctor. "Not that I was sick," she added. Maybe she should say she felt different, because better implied there was something wrong in the first place.
"No, you weren't sick," Dr. Renzatl agreed. "Injured."
"Yes. I didn't see it then, but looking back I do."
"What do you see now?"
"I was... stunned, I think. And brand new."
"What do you mean by brand new?"
"I'd been... I don't know." When Leia felt that pressure of awareness building her fingers played at her face. "... erased. Everything that I'd been or made me was gone, so I had to learn to do it again. Like what you said, long ago. A patient might have to learn to walk again." Her hand fell back to her lap.
"I did say that. I'm fascinated with your language, Your Highness. Your level of articulation is so thoughtful. 'Erased.' A powerful description."
"That's what it was like."
"Erased," the doctor said again, as if the word would take her on a journey. "Wiped clean. Like a droid? Mind wiped? You are not an automaton, Your Highness."
Leia considered the description with her lips pursed. In a sense, much of what the Princess of Alderaan did was programmed. "No. I had to learn- the Princess that I was isn't the same as what it is now."
"What is it now?"
"I think, it only is because others designate it."
"The role of Princess was destroyed?"
"I think so. Your language is good, too," Leia said though she wasn't fascinated. "It's a role. Fulfilled by a person."
"The person is very specific," Dr. Renzatl reasoned. "You can't really separate the person from the role. The child of the Queen."
"Not necessarily," Leia argued. "Remember, I was adopted. Anyone could have become the Princess."
"Ah, but was it so random?" Dr. Renzatl was intrigued. "Maybe your parents would have remained childless if not for you."
"Fate," Leia nodded. "I've considered that, too. The thought gives me chills. And it makes me furious."
"What makes you furious?"
Leia's mind drifted to that god of irony and truth, who left riddles without answer. "To hide the truth like that. To... use us."
"What about your father? You suspect he hid a truth from you-"
"Not truth," Leia was quick to say. "Just parts of information he didn't think I needed yet. He didn't expect to leave me to gather myself up again. So I am sad for him; not angry." Her lips closed in a thin line. "And sad for me."
Dr. Renzatl had a look on her face. It wasn't pity; Leia didn't think she could perform her job if she felt pity, but it was as if something pained her. She said, "You said you feel better. You've gathered up all the pieces?"
Leia glanced down at her hands. "There are some I'll never have."
"Because Alderaan did not give them to you?"
Leia didn't answer right away. It seemed- private. And would the doctor understand? She was older. There was a holocube on her desk of children and a man.
She said, her voice pinched by an unknown hurt so that it went high, "I was to be married after my ascension. Did you know that?"
Dr. Renzatl shook her head slowly, the pain evident again. "One of your names."
Leia grimaced. "I didn't even write his until I had listed everyone in the palace. Lennist. A Duke from the House of Panteer."
"Oh." The doctor paused in realization. "It was an arranged marriage?"
"Since I was four."
"For the purpose of preserving the crown?"
Leia shrugged. "It's how it was done after the War of the Houses, society-wide. The match had to be approved by one's ruling House, to keep the peace. Now it's- it was- more of an economic transaction between two families. Almost perfunctory among the highborn, but you still see it among the general class. It's not as realistic in this age."
"Really." Dr. Renzatl was frowning at Leia. "I hadn't expected that. One of the goddesses was Love," she said.
"Yes. She was paired with the goddess of Time." The translation of her name never sounded quite right to Leia, but it was the best the Basic language had. "An elder goddess. The concept of time that is continuity and tradition and heritage. Rhythms of nature. Love was her harvest."
"It's so interesting," Dr. Renzatl gushed. "Corellia has such a different history, and I see now how it is a culture created by its own mythology. We had two gods. And they fought. But," the doctor remembered herself, and switched which knee was folded over a leg, "getting back to Lennist."
Leia shook her head. "There's nothing to get back to. He was four years older. I barely knew him."
"But you brought him up-" Dr. Renzatl was frowning as she scrolled through her notes, "- we were talking about things erased, and gathering yourself together, and- here it is. Pieces. 'There are some I'll never have', you said." She cocked her head at Leia. "Is marriage a piece you'll never have?"
Leia's fingers worked delicately behind her ear. "Of course I can marry."
"But you won't?"
"How can I know?" Leia's head snapped side to side impatiently. "I was only remarking that in four years I would be the wedded Queen. I would have a husband and in due time I would produce an heir. Goddesses willing."
"That doesn't sound like you," Dr. Renzatl said.
"It's how it was."
"I hear the role and not the person." Dr. Renzatl turned over a palm. "Your marriage would be a chain of events brought forth by the goddess of Time? And your... character, existence? would not deny it?"
"Yes. Alderaan had its way, just as all other places have unique customs." Leia forgave Dr. Renzatl for her lack of cultural intelligence. It was a large part of Leia's training, and had served her well in the Senate, dealing with all sorts of non-human life. Her eyes drifted to the doctor's desk. "May I ask- did you marry?"
"Yes, I did. I was widowed a number of years ago."
"Oh. I'm sorry." Leia looked at the woman sitting across from her and wondered about her. "How did you meet your husband?"
Dr. Renzatl smiled. "At university. He was in engineering. We took the same physical education course one summer. Smashball."
Leia smiled softly. She couldn't imagine Dr. Renzatl playing smashball.
"Corellian as well. Ours was a courtship."
Leia nodded. "And your children?"
"We had none. Those in the holocube are my nephews. My sister's boys." Dr. Renzatl shifted abruptly in her seat. "Let's explore this further. What made you think of Lennist?"
Leia blinked. "I don't know."
"Or, let's put it this way: your future marriage?"
"I don't know. I suppose..." Leia exhaled. "Han asked. Captain Solo. He asked if I was married. He said he didn't know much about me."
"Ah," Dr Renzatl exclaimed softly. "And he asked one who thinks she does not know the answers."
Leia knew she wasn't being teased, but it felt like it. She didn't answer; a catalog of Han rose before her. Attentive eyes, playful mouth, long fingers.
She said, "I barely remember what Lennist looks like. Brown hair and eyes, but then that describes any Alderaani. I probably danced with him at the last ball, but..." she trailed off.
"Do you not want Captain Solo to ask about you? Do you wish instead he could hand you some of the pieces you need to gather?"
Yes, Leia answered in her head.
A corner of the doctor's mouth was up. Very Corellian, Leia thought. Dr. Renzatl said, "It's not an uncommon thing to ask. You asked about my husband."
Leia remained quiet.
"It might be he's curious about you. You didn't have that type of conversation with Lennist?"
"Why would he ask when he knows I was to wed him?"
"I meant the curiosity. Getting to know you."
Leia arranged her hands on her lap.
Dr. Renzatl waited, alert and patient. When she sensed Leia had nothing more to say, asked, "How is Captain Solo?"
Leia's eyes lifted to the doctor in surprise, but she shrugged. "Why do you want to know about him?"
The doctor smiled. "I'm curious. I know he's been around, and I know he was part of a very significant time in your life."
"Yes." Leia nodded to her lap. "Lennist... isn't real to me anymore. But- Captain Solo-"
"Is," Dr. Renzatl finished for her. "I can see you are upset, Your Highness, and we are about finished for the day. We can spend the last minutes how you want, but I won't insert a prompt. We covered a lot today-" Leia's eyes flickered surprise and mild disagreement- "- goddesses and roles and people. Themes we've touched on before. The more often we visit, the more we'll learn."
"Curiosity," Leia stated softly, but right now she didn't care for it. She watched the doctor make notes as the transcriptor hummed, and said nothing more until it was time to leave.