September 8, 2014
Arnold's Basement
3:52 P.M.
Lazily, the gang lounged around Arnold's basement, destressing from a long Monday at school. Tim, Keesha, Wanda, and Carlos were currently deep into an intense game of Mario Party, while DA watched from the side, half distracted by the couple cuddling on the sofa beside her. No one seemed to hear when the basement door swung open and heavy footsteps fell upon the stairs. It wasn't until a heavy sigh rang out that attention turned to the newcomer.
"You okay?" Arnold asked the visitor, pulling away from Phoebe.
"Yeah…" Ralphie sighed again. Arnold raised a brow skeptically, and Ralphie caved. "It's Jake…"
"Your mom's hot new piece of man meat?" Wanda clarified unhelpfully. Ralphie grimaced at the description, and Keesha punched her friend on the arm. "Ouch! What?"
"What did Jake do?" Keesha questioned, ignoring Wanda's complaint.
Ralphie plopped down onto the nearest couch heavily. "He wants to go out for dinner on Saturday."
"What a bastard," Carlos retorted, not missing a beat. "I bet he offered to pay for it, too."
"He did!" Ralphie exclaimed, missing the obvious sarcasm. "And he wants all of you guys to come!"
"Us?" Phoebe frowned at the suggestion. "Why?"
Ralphie shrugged halfheartedly. "Something about getting to know me and my friends. How lame is that?"
Wanda considered the situation. "So what you're saying is we get free food?"
"I guess…" Ralphie conceded. "Why? You don't actually want to go, do you?"
"I think it could be good," DA mused. "Jake wants to get to know you; that has to be a positive sign."
"Besides, free food," Wanda reminded with a grin. DA rolled her eyes, but said nothing. Wanda had a tendency to miss the point.
Ralphie grew quiet for a minute. "Well, I do like food…"
"So you'll tell Jake that we'll all be there?" DA clarified.
"Fine."
"And you'll do it without sulking?"
Ralphie deflated at the comment. "Fine…"
September 10, 2014
English
12:47 P.M.
"I don't get it," Wanda complained, throwing her pencil down on her desk.
Carlos narrowed his eyes at the page before him, trying to make sense of the Shakespearean words. "I think… The dude's head just got turned into a donkey one."
Wanda snatched the book from Carlos's hands. "That can't be right. Let me see…"
"I'm telling you, that's what it says!"
"Huh…" Wanda passed the book back to Carlos. "Then what?"
Carlos skimmed the next few pages of the month's book, A Midsummer Night's Dream. "The fairy lady sees him and falls in love with him because of the flower juice on her eyes."
Wanda grew silent for a few seconds before proclaiming once again, "I don't get it. What kind of revenge is that?"
Carlos cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"Using some magic flower to control his wife? That's so lame! If you want to be respected, you've got to manipulate people without using magic!"
"What do you know about manipulation?" Carlos probed. "For that matter, what do you know about respect?"
"I know more than you!" Wanda challenged with a glare.
"Wanna bet?"
"Okay!" Wanda froze. "Wait, what's the bet?"
Carlos shrugged. "First to manipulate someone else wins, say, 50 bucks?"
Wanda's eyes grew wide, clearly impressed with the sum. "You're on! But who do we manipulate?"
"Good point…" Carlos considered the conundrum. They couldn't very well target any one of the group—everyone was used to Carlos and Wanda's antics by now, and would surely catch onto the bet too soon. The target would have to be someone unfamiliar with the duo. Someone like…
Carlos and Wanda exchanged a glance. "Jake!" They simultaneously shouted, garnering a few odd stares from their classmates.
"He'll never see it coming!" Wanda enthused maniacally.
Carlos nodded along. "First to get him to say lobster wins the cash, deal?"
"Deal." Competitively, Wanda and Carlos shook hands, now eagerly awaiting Saturday's arrival more than ever.
September 11, 2014
AP Statistics
1:58 P.M.
DA leaned back in her chair, waiting for the final class of the day to begin. Beside her sat Carlos, and behind her Arnold and Tim sat whispering about something or another. Resting her head on her hand, DA glanced over to her neighbor, who was currently occupying himself by scribbling on a piece of scrap paper. DA raised a brow. "What's that?"
Carlos didn't respond, so Tim jumped into the conversation. "He and Wanda have a bet, so he's been scheming ever since yesterday."
"Should I even ask what the bet's about?"
"Probably not," Tim replied. "I'm only involved because they asked me to judge."
Arnold eyed Tim curiously. "And you agreed to that? Carlos and Wanda's bets are…"
"A waste of time?" Tim finished. "I know. I just had nothing better to do."
"Speaking of which," Arnold continued after a lull, "What do you call a belt made of watches?" After a pause, Arnold answered, "A waist of time!" The other three remained silent, making Arnold frown. "Come on, that was a decent joke."
Tim grimaced. "It really wasn't."
Carlos nodded, finally looking away from his plans. "Agreed. I know funny, and that wasn't it."
Arnold crossed his arms. "Please, your jokes aren't any better."
"Sure they are. It's all about the construction." Carlos explained. "See, a good joke is like a house—it needs a strong foundation. After that-"
"Don't get him started," DA complained, covering her ears. "He'll go on for hours. Literally."
Arnold pouted. "I don't get it; no one ever laughs at my jokes."
"Phoebe laughs," Tim pointed out.
Arnold shook his head. "She laughs out of pity. I want to get a genuine laugh, just once."
"Sorry, dude." Carlos shrugged. "Maybe you're just not funny. Not everyone can be a comic genius, like me."
Suddenly, Arnold perked up. "I know! I can convince Jake that I'm funny! He won't know any better!"
"How are you going to do that?" DA asked skeptically.
"How do you think? I'll shower him with jokes until I get him to laugh!"
"Jake's going to think we're all nuts," Tim mused, glancing back and forth between Carlos and Arnold. "I mean, we are, but still…" He grinned. Saturday was bound to be fun.
September 13, 2014
La Bella Luna
5:58 P.M.
Jake fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves, evidently uncomfortable in the nice suit he wore. "Are you sure I look okay?" he asked the boy beside him.
Ralphie shrugged nonchalantly, not really seeing why Jake had bothered to dress up. It's not like his friends had any real standards—buying a meal for them was enough to make them like him. Besides, Ralphie was still pouting about the whole engagement situation. Sure, he liked Jake fine, but Ralphie also liked life the way it was with just him and his mom. Introducing Jake into the mix was bound to cause problems.
After what seemed like an eternity, the remainder of the group arrived. Taking a deep breath, Jake approached them. "Nice to finally meet all of you," he introduced, baring a friendly smile, "Ralphie talks about you guys all of the time."
"Hi, Jake," Carlos replied, "Ralphie talks about you… Rarely." DA nudged Carlos harshly. "Sorry. I meant never." This in turn provoked a stern gaze from the blonde. Jake, however, laughed the comment off.
"You can ignore Carlos," DA remarked, holding her hand out towards the man. "He's an idiot. I'm Dorothy Ann, and this is Keesha, Arnold, Phoebe, Wanda, and Tim," she explained, gesturing to each of the friends in turn.
"I'm… never going to remember all that," Jake whistled, eyes wide.
Ralphie pushed himself off of the wall he had been leaning against, bored of the introductions. "Can we go eat?" He muttered, walking through the front door without waiting for a response.
Jake frowned. "Think he'll ever take to me?"
"I'm… sure he just needs some more time," Arnold fumbled awkwardly.
Content with the response, Jake led the rest of the group inside to where Ralphie was already seated. To Ralphie's dismay, Jake took the seat to his left, while the others filed in around the rest of the table.
As Keesha was taking her own seat, she was jerked to the side of the room. Rubbing her newly sore arm, she narrowed her eyes at the culprit. "What?"
Dorothy Ann gestured to a table on the opposite side of the nice restaurant, not apologizing for the painful action. "Over there, see that couple?"
Keesha followed her gaze. "Yeah, so?" Then it dawned on Keesha. "Wait, isn't that your dad?"
"Having dinner with some strange woman!" DA whispered back, voice strained. "Why is he having dinner with some strange woman?"
Keesha watched the couple for a few seconds before responding. "I'm sure it's nothing," Keesha assured. "What did your dad say he was doing tonight?"
"He said he had an important meeting!"
"So he's having a meeting," Keesha concluded. "It looks innocent enough."
"I suppose…" DA conceded, eyes still glued to the other table. "But what if-"
Keesha covered her friend's mouth. "Stop freaking out, DA. It's nothing."
"But-"
"Nothing." Keesha dragged DA back to the table where Jake and the gang were seated. "Just relax and try to enjoy dinner. Okay?"
DA nodded, though her concerned frown suggested otherwise.
Jake looked up at the two girls as they took their seats. "Is everything okay?" He inquired, eying DA's focused expression.
"We're fine," Keesha replied quickly.
Jake seemed unconvinced, but at that moment, a waiter delivered bread rolls to the table and conversation drifted away to other topics.
Arnold picked up the roll nearest to him and chuckled. "Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?" He asked, a goofy grin on his face. "Because he was on a roll!"
Wanda audibly gagged at the comment. "How can you be so smart, but so, so stupid?"
Arnold dropped the roll onto his plate solemnly, racking his brain for another joke. Phoebe pat him on the back gently.
Awkwardly, Jake cleared his throat. "So, how is school?"
Carlos jumped into the conversation quickly, remembering back to his and Wanda's bet. "It's great. In English, we're reading a book about a red sea creature that you can eat with butter. What type of animal is that?" Wanda scoffed at the obvious attempt, while Jake racked his brain.
"Crab?" He suggested. Carlos shook his head, and Jake laughed nervously. "Sorry, I wouldn't know; I don't eat seafood."
"Neither do I!" Phoebe perked up. She had been nervous all day about meeting Jake, despite Arnold's reassurances that everything would be just fine. Finding that the two had something in common took some of the pressure off. "I'm a vegetarian," she explained.
Wanda groaned loudly. "Everyone knows that."
"Everyone and their mother knows that," Carlos agreed.
Phoebe's shoulders fell. "Sorry. I was just making conversation."
As the small talk continued, DA grasped Keesha's shoulder tightly. "They're leaning in close to each other!" She whispered.
"Who are?"
"Who do you think? My dad and that… That whore!"
Keesha rolled her eyes. "Chill out, DA. They're just talking. And you really shouldn't call other women whores."
"Whatever." DA sat back up in her seat. "They're up to no good, I'm telling you. You'll see!"
Keesha shook her head at her friend's irrationality. "Sure I will."
September 13, 2014
La Bella Luna
6:32 P.M.
Conversation soon lulled at the table, so it was a welcome relief when the food eventually arrived. Spotting her chance, Wanda leaned in towards Jake. "Hey, Jake, what did Tim order?"
Jake grimaced, glancing around the table. "Which one is Tim?" he asked sheepishly.
"I'm Tim," Tim answered before turning to Wanda. "And you know I got lobster."
"Right. What he said."
As Wanda fell back, defeated, Keesha raised a brow at Tim. "You got lobster?"
"What?" Tim shrugged. "I'm not paying."
"Hey, Jake, why don't lobsters share?" Arnold piped in. Jake looked to Arnold helplessly, but said nothing. "Because they're shellfish!"
"Are lobsters considered shellfish?" Keesha pondered curiously. "I know they have shells, but not like clams or oysters do."
Phoebe nodded. "There are two groups of shellfish, mollusks and crustaceans. Clams and oysters are mollusks, while lobsters are crustaceans."
Arnold picked at his food in disappointment, seeing that his joke had completely blown over. Carlos smirked at the redhead's misfortune. "Somebody looks a bit crabby!"
Jake genuinely laughed at the pun. "That's a good one… Carlos, right?" Arnold's mouth fell open. How was Carlos's joke any better than his? Still, Arnold remained silent, racking his brain for his next attempt at humor.
Dorothy Ann, meanwhile, was paying no attention to the conversation. Her gaze was fixated on her father and his dinner guest, searching for any sign that their meeting was over more than business. Keesha sighed at DA's inability to relax. "They're just having a meeting," she reminded.
DA shook her head. "Look, they're laughing now. No one laughs at a business meeting!"
"So one of them told a joke. That's not exactly incriminating, DA."
"My dad's never funny!"
"So she told the joke, and he's just laughing to be polite! Big deal!"
DA narrowed her eyes at the woman seated across from her father. "It is a big deal! Why is he trying to impress her?"
"Maybe she's his boss?" Keesha suggested. "Did you even think of that?"
"No…" DA admitted reluctantly. She stood up from the table. "Excuse me for a minute," she announced to the group. No one other than Keesha seemed to take notice.
Keesha grabbed DA by the arm. "Where are you going?" She whispered sternly.
DA jerked her arm away. "To eavesdrop!" She declared, walking away. For a moment, Keesha considered letting her friend go, but she soon realized that someone needed to be there to talk her friend down. With another sigh, Keesha stood and followed the blonde to behind a bush, where she was currently crouched.
"You've gone full-blown insane!" Keesha hissed, trying to get comfortable behind the shrub.
"Have I? Is it insane to spy on your father during a supposed meeting with a mysterious stranger?"
"Yes!"
DA shrugged off the accusation and focused her attention on the nearby table. "Shut up so I can listen!"
Keesha huffed, but complied with the order.
September 13, 2014
La Bella Luna
6:41 P.M.
As Jake glanced around the table, his expression twisted into one of confusion. "How long have the ladies been gone?"
"They're not ladies," Ralphie corrected, ever grumpy. "They're just… Girls."
"Well… You all seem to be young ladies and gentlemen to me."
Ralphie rolled his eyes. "Stop sucking up to them. We're a bunch of snot-nosed kids and you know it."
Jake seemed exasperated at the constant pessimism, but chose not to express his feelings on the subject. Arnold took the pause to crack yet another brilliant joke. "What do you call a goat that knows martial arts? The karate kid!"
"What do you call a goat with one ear?" Carlos challenged. "Van Goat!"
Arnold was taken off guard by the rebuttal, but was only phased for a second. "What do you call a goat playing piano?" Arnold smirked at Carlos intense expression. "Billy Joel."
"What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean."
"Why is it hard to talk to a goat? Because they're always butting in."
"How do you stop a goat from charging? You take away its credit card."
Arnold fell back in defeat, his arsenal of goat puns depleted. Carlos stuck his tongue out at the boy, while Jake watched the entire fight with wide eyes. He leaned over to Ralphie. "Is this common amongst your friends?" he whispered.
"No…" Ralphie replied softly. "Last week, it was fish puns."
Wanda ran her hand through her hair, deep in thought. All dinner, she had been racking her brain, trying to think of a way to trick Jake into saying the magic word. He was tougher than she had predicted, she'd give him that, but she refused to be defeated. Wanda never lost a bet, not when she had something to say about it. Suddenly, she had what she considered to be a stroke of genius. "Hey, Jake, what's that restaurant down on 3rd street? The one right across from the gas station?"
Carlos grew suddenly tense. There was only one answer to the question—not even Jake could screw the answer up.
"Red Lobster, right?"
"Damn it!" Carlos threw his hands up in defeat.
Wanda threw a fist in the air in success. "Suck on that, Carlos!" She broke into a victory dance as Carlos wallowed in his defeat.
Jake turned to Ralphie once more. "Is this common amongst your friends?"
Ralphie cocked his head to the side, eyeing Wanda. "The dance is new."
Jake nodded unsurely, not positive he entirely understood Ralphie's friends, but too afraid to pry further.
September 13, 2014
La Bella Luna
6:45 P.M.
"And what did corporate say after you sent in the paperwork?" the woman inquired, tone business-like.
Dorothy Ann's father took a sip of his tea before replying. "They sent out a simple confirmation of receiving the forms, and said they would call when they had had a chance to read the files more thoroughly."
Behind the bush, Keesha groaned in boredom. "See, DA? They're having a business meeting, just like your dad said."
Content, DA crawled away from the bush, Keesha following suit. Once they were a fair distance away from the meeting, DA and Keesha stood. DA smoothed the wrinkles out of her skirt before acknowledging Keesha. "Fine. You were right. It was just a business meeting, nothing more."
"So you're done freaking out?"
"For now," DA conceded.
Keesha let out a relieved laugh. "That's fair enough. Now, let's get back to dinner, okay?"
"Fine."
The two girls crossed the restaurant and resumed their seats at the gang's table. No one paid much attention to the girls, though Jake did offer a welcoming smile. For the most part, Jake was just relieved to have some of the more normal of Ralphie's friends at the table—Carlos, Arnold, and Wanda were beginning to scare him, and Ralphie's incessant moping was growing tiresome fast.
After some more brief conversation, the bill arrived at the table, which Jake quickly paid for, and the group stood to leave. Jake offered a final grin to Ralphie's friends. "Well, thank you all for spending the evening with me—I'm sure you had better things to do."
"Not really," Wanda replied disinterestedly.
DA nudged her friend once again. "What she means to say, is that it was great meeting you."
"That's not even remotely what she meant," Arnold muttered grumpily. Jake chuckled at the comment, and Arnold's eyes brightened immensely. "You… Thought that was funny?"
"Uh… Yeah, I guess so."
Arnold beamed at Carlos, feeling successful, and exchanged a high five with Phoebe. Carlos miserably stuck his hands in his pockets—the evening had been a complete bust in his books.
The gang exchanged their goodbyes with Jake, and the group dispersed, each walking towards their respective homes. As Jake and Ralphie walked down the road towards the Tenelli residence, Jake attempted to make small talk. "So, that went well, wouldn't you say?"
"Hmph," Ralphie grunted.
Fed up, Jake finally stopped walking and confronted Ralphie. "You really don't like me, do you?"
"Hmph."
"Look, I'm trying my best to be a good man and a good fiancé, but nothing seems to impress you. I want to have a life with you and your mother, but if you really hate me as much as you seem to, I don't know how we can ever make that work." Jake ran his hand through his long hair, frustrated.
Ralphie was quiet for a few minutes before replying. "I… Don't hate you," he confessed, face red. "I just… I like things the way they were, you know?"
"And you're worried that your life is going to change?"
Ralphie nodded.
"Well, it is going to change," Jake explained, looking Ralphie in the eyes.
Ralphie scoffed. "That helps a ton, thanks."
"I'm not done." Jake placed his hand on Ralphie's shoulder. "What I'm trying to say is that change doesn't have to be bad. Maybe life can be better, for you and for your mom. Isn't that what you want?"
"I guess." Ralphie scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk. "But how do I know you won't hurt her?"
Jake considered the question. "You'll just have to trust me. Can you do that?"
Ralphie looked Jake up and down seriously. "I'll try," he agreed.
"That's all I ask." Jake stood upright once more, and the two continued their walk back home in comfortable silence.
September 14, 2014
Arnold's Basement
2:18 P.M.
The gang lounged around the Arnold's familiar basement, making the most of the Sunday afternoon with a few games of Mario Party, when the door swung open and footsteps pounded down the wooden stairs. Once at the bottom, the newcomer snatched a handful of chips from the coffee table before falling onto the sofa on the far side of the room. Arnold raised a brow at the boy. "You seem to be in a good mood."
"Jake made brunch this morning," Ralphie explained, munching on his snack.
The group appeared surprised by the response. "You're happy… Because of Jake?" Keesha clarified, awestruck.
"Uh… I guess…" Ralphie looked back and forth between his confused friends. "Why?"
"No reason…" Tim stammered, focusing on the game before him.
"We thought you hated Jake," Wanda answered bluntly.
Ralphie shrugged. "He's okay. And it turns out that he makes really good bacon and eggs."
Dorothy Ann nodded slowly, wondering what had brought on the change in character. "Well, we're glad to hear that you two are getting along. Aren't we?" The other friends grunted noncommittally, making DA rub her temples in frustration. "Why do I even bother?"
"So when is Jake next taking us out for dinner?" Wanda asked.
Ralphie scooted away from Wanda before answering. "Never, actually. I told Jake this morning that he didn't need to worry about impressing you guys anymore."
"What?!" Wanda screeched, throwing her controller to the ground.
Arnold grimaced at the crash that rang out throughout the basement. "Wanda, please don't break any more controllers. Having you here is getting expensive." It was true, in the past month alone Wanda had broken at least three controllers. Being friends with Wanda was turning into more of a liability than ever before.
Wanda ignored Arnold's weak attempt at chastising her, all her attention currently being directed at Ralphie. "You told him not to buy us more food? Why would you do that?"
"I had a good reason. I just, uh…" Ralphie winced under Wanda's fierce gaze. "I forget now."
As Wanda began wailing on Ralphie with one of the couch's cushions, the rest of the gang laughed lightheartedly. With Ralphie out of his engagement slump, the upcoming year promised to be bright and merry.