Things get heavy folks. Trigger warning for those who suffer from depression and/or PTSD. While not strictly mentioned, those feelings are represented here.

Burying herself in her work was nothing new for Asami. It was how she dealt with her problems most of her life. Focusing on a problem she could solve with a concrete formula, a step by step process, and the twist of a wrench grounded her. It helped her to think and compartmentalize everything going wrong in her life within her own mind. And while Korra had become an exception for Asami in many ways, this wasn't one of them.

Asami had been staying late at the office for the last few days, ever since she left Korra on that beach. She'd told Maya it was because she had needed to finish the design for the flying mecha suit. But really, she just needed the time to think. Her home had become loud and crazy and not the most meditative of places. She loved Mako's family, and never regretted offering them a place to stay. But these last few days, the thought of being around anyone made her stomach clench with unease. She needed to be on her own, in a place that gave her a feeling of safety and control. So, her office it was, even late into the night.

Considering it was nearing one in the morning, Asami was understandably exhausted. The long week, Korra seeing Zaheer, their argument on the beach, the meeting with the President to show him her design, and trying to finish the prototypes, had all come together to form an exhausting weight on Asami's shoulders. She found herself eyeing the couch in her office with interest. It was a comfortable couch, she knew. She'd slept on it often enough much to Maya's dismay. But the thought of laying down and closing her eyes, letting herself think, scared her too much to stop working just yet.

She had seen Korra today for the first time since that night. She'd been at the meeting with the President along with her, Tenzin, Mako, the Prince and of course Varrick. That man still annoyed her, but she had to give him credit for standing up to the President about the spirit vine weapons. Even Varrick had his lines apparently. But seeing Korra had been awkward and tense. They hadn't spoken to each other beyond a simple hello at the beginning, though thankfully if the others picked up on the tension between them, no one said anything. Asami had gone off with Varrick to finalize the rest of the plans for the prototypes and then the building of the rest of the suits, but she'd glanced at Korra's retreating form. She had ached to run to the girl and just hug her. Tell her she was sorry for their fight. But she hadn't.

Now, trying to make a list of everything she and Varrick needed to get the first group of mecha suits up and running was proving difficult as her exhaustion and worry got the better of her and she found herself staring at the page blankly, thinking back to her conversation with Korra.

To think that Korra had…had almost…-

Asami sighed and put the pen down, covering her face with her hands and trying to control her breathing.

"I almost went to see you so many times you know. When you didn't write and had been gone about 6 weeks or so, I nearly left everything here and jumped on the next boat to the South Pole," Asami whispered into Korra's shoulder, her arms still wrapped around the water bender as if she was afraid if she let go Korra would fade away.

"What stopped you?" Korra asked her, no hint of reproach or regret in her voice. Just curiosity.

"Maya had some choice words for me before I left but it was Lin, surprisingly, that really talked some sense into me. I tried to tell her that I needed to be there for you, that I could help…needed to help. You know what she told me?"

Korra was silent while she waited for Asami to gather her thoughts, and her voice shook a little when she continued.

"She told me that I was treating you like you were a machine in my shop, something that I could just fix and have everything be better. She pointed out that I couldn't run to you every time you fall, that I needed to step back and let you stand on your own, heal on your own."

Asami sat up, lifting her head from its spot on Korra's shoulder and stared out at the sea, at the rocks Korra had pointed to earlier. Korra had been so close all those months ago and she hadn't even known.

"Lin also pointed out that I wasn't taking care of myself. We're being honest tonight Korra, so you might as well know. Those first couple of months after you left, I was a wreck. I was worried all the time about how you were doing. I wasn't eating well, couldn't sleep because I kept having nightmares about...about us not getting there in time and finding you still in those damn chains…and you wer-," Asami choked back a sob while Korra just stared at her, frozen and a look of utter shame and guilt on her face.

Taking a deep breath, Asami pushed on. "Anyway, it wasn't good. I was convinced if I could just see you, I could somehow make you, and me, and everything else better. But it doesn't work that way. Lin made me realize that. So, I went back to work, but I stopped using it as a crutch and I really went back. I woke up and started taking care of myself and the responsibilities I have here. I stopped using you as my excuse to run away from everything else I was afraid of."

Asami sighed and looked at Korra finally, her eyes sad but determined as she stared at her friend who was too stunned to speak.

"And now I keep thinking about why you went there without me. About how close I…we…all of us came to losing you all those years ago. It doesn't matter if I'm there or not, does it Korra? Because you're always going to see yourself as just the Avatar, and if you can't be that, then what's the point of anything or anyone else, right?" Asami's voice rose slightly, her anger seeping through.

"You don't get it," Asami growled, stopping Korra from interrupting her. "I've tried so hard to make you see ever since I met you that being the Avatar is just a part of who you are. And I know, I know it's a big part but it's not all Korra. I'm so angry at you! You were going to kill yourself to bring a new Avatar to the world? Well, we don't want a new one! We want YOU. We need YOU. How dare you try to leave us all behind like that, like we mean nothing!"

"I never said that Asami! Of course you and everyone don't mean nothing to me!"

"And yet you still almost killed yourself-"

"But I didn't! I'm still here!"

"You still thought about it Korra! Not even just once! And where even was the logic? Huh? You die and a new Avatar is born, great! We get a baby who can't do anything to help us until they're old enough to train in what, 17 years? Oh wait, Aang was only 12 so I guess it wouldn't be that long. If we're lucky."

Asami stood up stomped a few steps away and groaned in frustration and at the loss of Korra's warmth.

"How am I supposed to deal with all this Korra? How am I supposed to react? Yes, you're here, and I'm so…so beyond grateful for that. But how can I stop worrying that there won't be a next time? How? I've realized Korra, that I used my worry and my feelings for you to run away from everything I was afraid to face here. I was afraid to fail with my company, so I used you as an escape. When Lin made me see that, I woke up and got to work. I faced everything I was afraid of and got my life together. The only thing missing in it was you. Now you're back and you're here, right here in front of me, and yet, I think it's the farthest you've ever been."

"What do you mean?" Korra whispered.

"I don't know how to be with you Korra! I don't know how to do this. Nothing I say, nothing I do gets through to you that you're more than what you were born to be. So much more. I can't make you see that; you have to figure it out for yourself. I used you to run away from my responsibilities. You're using your responsibilities to run away from living; from finding out who you are beyond the Avatar. Spirits Korra, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," Asami whispered the last, her eyes pleading with Korra.

"I'm trying Asami…"

"Please keep trying. I still believe in you Korra, I always have, and I always will."

Asami walked away, leaving Korra alone on the beach with a distance between them like never before.

Guilt settled hard into Asami's heart. In the days since she had left Korra on the beach she had tried to distract herself from everything she was feeling but the truth was she felt horrible for how she had left things between them. Did Korra really deserve to be yelled at like that? Yes, Asami was angry, but did she go too far? Was it right of her to unleash all of that on a person who was so clearly hurting?

Asami wanted to cry from the unfairness of it all but she'd cried so much lately she didn't have anything left. All she could bring herself to do was stare sullenly at the page in front of her, blurry as it was from exhaustion.

"I figured this is where I would find you."

Startled, her heart in her throat, Asami whirled around to find Korra sitting on the edge of the open window of her office, a sheepish look on her face.

"Korra! You-you scared me!"

"Sorry…the main door to the building is locked and I saw your window was open and the light on. I would have knocked but I figured that wouldn't have been any better," Korra smiled at her softly but her eyes were as red lined and tired as Asami knew her own must be.

"What are you doing here, Korra?" Asami asked her softly.

"You haven't been going home. That first night, after…well after you left, I was worried and wanted to make sure you had gotten home ok. But then I realized you wouldn't have gone there; you'd go somewhere you felt safe and more in control. I figured this would be the best option for you, the place you come to fix things." Korra muttered the last.

"No, I mean," Asami started, trying to ignore the swooping motion in her stomach at the thought of how well Korra knew her, knew how to find her and that even after what happened, she had still been worried enough to check on her. "I mean…why are you here?"

Korra stared at her for a moment from her seat on the window ledge, her eyes full of so many emotions Asami didn't know where to start.

"I've been by the last few nights to find you working late, but I wasn't sure what to say so I always left, after a while. I did the same tonight, I went home but I couldn't sleep," Korra told her, her hands clenching slightly as if looking for something to do. "I couldn't stay in my room and keep trying, knowing how we left things on the beach. You also left before I could explain myself a little better. I'm hoping you'll hear what I have to say and then if you want me to leave, I'll go. But if you don't want to, I-I understand."

"No, stay Korra. Talk to me, please," Asami whispered.

Korra let out a shaky breath, both relief and fear palpable in the set of her shoulders and the look in her eyes.

"Everything you said on the beach, I get it. You have every right to be angry with me. Leaving all of you behind, even if done for a noble reason, would still have been wrong. But Asami, I need you to understand that I wasn't a whole person when I had those thoughts. That first time, I felt like my very reason for being had been ripped away. Because I was raised to be the Avatar, I didn't know how to be anything else. Most Avatars don't even know who they are until they're much older. I was able to use three of the four elements before I was even five years old. I spent my life training, studying, and being protected. I was never taught how to be anything else, or that I could be. So, please try to understand where I was coming from. How lost and broken I felt when I thought there was nothing left in me worthy of staying. I know now that wasn't true, never has been. But at the time? It's all I could see."

Korra slid down from the window ledge until she was sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest where she held them tightly. Asami slowly rose from her chair and sat down on the floor across from her but stayed silent.

"When Aang and the other Avatars gave me back my bending, I felt so much lighter. I pushed away the memory of what I had nearly done, of why I was there on that cliff. It didn't matter anymore, I told myself. I was fixed, I could be the Avatar!

When my connection to my past lives was broken, I felt just as alone and broken as I had that day at the cliff. It was like I was back there, but this time no one was coming to help me, to bail me out. It was all on me now. I had to figure everything out on my own. Except, I wasn't on my own, I realized. I had Tenzin, the family, my parents, Lin, Mako and Bolin…and you. As horrible as it was to lose that connection, I slowly began to feel like I could maybe make it through. That I could do this. Everything was finally coming together…and then-"

Korra was breathing heavily now, her hands pale as she gripped her knees tightly and she looked away from Asami, her eyes glazed with remembered pain.

"It wasn't enough that the poison was painful, that it was killing me, no. The pain was so much, Asami, that before I got free, I was hallucinating. I saw Amon in Zaheer's face telling me that the world doesn't need me anymore. Ghazan became Unaloq, telling me in that snide voice of his that the time of the Avatar was over. Ming-Hua morphed into Vaatu, telling me how weak I had become and how strong he was. I kept hearing my greatest enemies tell me over and over again to just 'let go'. I heard them chanting that in my nightmares for weeks. I still do sometimes."

"Korra…I-I'm sorry. I didn't know. That's so…. awful doesn't even describe it."

"You couldn't know Asami because I never told anyone. I didn't want to talk about that day, about what happened. I was ashamed."

"Ashamed? For what? Korra…"

"Asami, I was ashamed that I let the Avatar state take over when that was all they wanted. They wanted the Avatar state to take over so they could destroy it and end the cycle. If I had just allowed the poison to do its job, allowed myself to die, then the Avatar cycle would survive. I tried so hard to fight it off, to not let Raava take over. I had already ruined so much, I felt. I couldn't let the cycle die with me. Don't you see Asami? I was ashamed that once again, I couldn't let myself die, even if it were for the right reason. I couldn't sacrifice myself. And growing up the way I did, being who I am, that felt like something I should be ashamed of."

Asami sat there, stunned as she stared at Korra. She had never realized any of this.

"Going back to the South Pole, I wasn't just broken in body but in mind. I tried so hard to claw my way back, Asami. I swear it. But I felt myself constantly being dragged back to that moment years ago when I stood at that cliff in my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape it. I couldn't face writing anyone and telling them that nothing had changed. I couldn't face you or anyone else racing to help me and see the looks of worry and pity on your faces. I couldn't. I had to escape the edge of that cliff and my own broken body on my own. I had to put in the work and find a reason to stay within myself. I thought I was nearly there until I saw that specter on the rocks outside the city. I realized then that I still had so much within myself to face and I thought I had to do it alone. I was wrong, of course."

Korra sighed and then scooted closer to Asami until their knees were touching, her hands reached out hesitantly to hold Asami's, seemingly afraid that she would be rejected. But Asami took her friend's hands in her own, cradling them while she ran her thumb gently across Korra's knuckles. Korra sighed at the touch and looked at her then.

"Asami, I know I've made a lot of mistakes the last few years. I should have written you sooner. I should have told you about that damn cliff once we got closer. You of all people, I should have told. I know you're worried, and I don't blame you. I can't promise I won't ever be broken again. I can't because you're right, I'm not just the Avatar, I'm me and I'm human and humans break sometimes. We can be put back together but we're never the same after. I know I'm not.

But you taught me how to see myself as more than just the Avatar. You taught me how to be more, how to want to be more. What I can promise is that no matter how broken I become; I won't run away from you again. I'll work on fixing the problem together with you."

Asami sat there, quiet and crying tears she didn't think she still had in her as she stared at Korra's hands holding her own. Finally, she looked up at Korra and slowly used her thumb to wipe away the tears from Korra's cheeks.

"I've made a lot of mistakes too. I'm sorry for the way I yelled at you on the beach. I wasn't being fair to you; I should have listened more instead of wallowing in my own fear and anger. I'm still scared Korra, but I want to figure this out with you, together."

Korra smiled softly and then leaned forward and gently kissed Asami on the cheek, close to the corner of Asami's mouth. It was so gentle, barely a whisper of her lips against Asami's skin, but the feeling instantly warmed her.

They were silent for a time, just enjoying one another's presence after days apart. Finally, Asami looked again at Korra and saw the exhaustion in her face and they way her shoulders sagged.

"It didn't go well with the spirits did it?"

"No. I tried to convince them to help us fight to protect Republic City, but they just accused me of wanting to use spirits to fight in a human war. Well, one of them did anyway. He wasn't really wrong either. We're going to be on our own for this one Asami."

"Then we'll just have it make it work Korra. We can't force them, and I know you would never want to. Neither would I. So, we'll fight, and we'll win, just like we always do. We'll figure this out, together."

Asami stood then and offered her hand to Korra. "Come on, we both need to get some sleep."

Korra grabbed her hand and allowed the engineer to pull her up, and for a brief moment they were so close that Asami could feel Korra's soft breath on her lips. She wanted so badly to just reach out and kiss her. But it wasn't the right time. There was still so much going on, and they were both so tired.

Asami smiled at her and led Korra over to the couch. It was large and big enough for the two of them to lay comfortably if they were on their sides.

"Asami?" Korra looked at her, the question obvious in her eyes.

"I'm too tired to drive home, and you look ready to sleep where you're standing so I'm not letting you try to fly to the island. We can both fit on the couch," Asami explained.

Korra looked like she wanted to argue at first but then she either thought better of it, or just decided she was too tired to try, Asami wasn't sure. She laid on the couch, her back against the cushion while Asami turned out the light and locked her office door before grabbing the blanket she kept on the couch. Laying down next to Korra, she threw it over them both. She laid down with her back against Korra's front and smiled when Korra, after only a moment of hesitation and the slightest shake of her hand, wrapped her arm around her middle, holding her tight.

They both fell asleep with a content smile on their face, truly resting for the first time in years.

I told you it was going to be heavy! I had to address the suicidal thoughts of our hero in the show. It's not really addressed and frankly, it was never going to be in the show. It's at the end of the day a kids show and they can only do so much. Hell, I was surprised that did what they did in the first place. But here in my fic, I have the ability to address it and I felt it was necessary. We're getting close to the end! Hope you enjoyed it and as always, thank you for the reviews, kudos, follows, etc. I love and appreciate all of it and it keeps me writing. So thank you!