Chapter 24 – Barefoot and Unafraid

The sun was shining over Ottery St. Catchpole. Hermione watched the glow of late spring soaking the meadows and the fields. Despite all that had happened, she appreciated the view. The simple beauty brought her some small comfort after what had just happened. It would have been amazing to have Ron by her side for many reasons. Hermione almost felt pathetic for how much she craved him being there.

She looked to the sky and tried to picture herself and Ron flying through the clouds on his broom, on their way to that lovely hilltop where her soul for him truly unravelled for the first time. It couldn't have felt more distant in this moment.

When she looked over her shoulder, she registered that The Burrow was now out of sight. Hermione sighed, not entirely sure of where to go and what to do. She was out of money, out of magic, out of even shoes.

She looked to her feet and laughed a little manically into the wind. How stupid of her was it to storm out of the house without even putting her shoes on? Since when does Hermione lose her head so much and all the time?

It wasn't so bad, though. The earth was cool beneath her feet and she wiggled her toes in between the blades of grass. Walking up and down the hilly landscape, breathing in the crisp fresh air filled her with a freedom that had been elusive to her up to that point. Once more she was alone, just like before this adventure, and it scared her less now than it was making her feel herself again.

Sometimes you had to be alone. Hermione had learned the art of it well.

She trudged on and felt the burning in her thighs and calves, yet it was a glorious feeling in the midst of her pain and confusion. Such human physical feeling brought all her focus on just walking through the world around her, stepping on twigs and sharp pebbles, having her curls whip around her face in the wind. She quickened her step and then broke into a run.

She ran and panted and her lungs hurt and her head cleared. She reached the top of a particularly steep hill and stopped there to catch her breath. Her feet felt sore, but energised, as she felt connected to everything around her. She closed her eyes, but felt the intense heat of the sun on her skin. Hermione looked inward and took another deep breath.

She hugged herself as the wind picked up. Tears sprung from her eyes, of anguish and regret. She heard Ron's angry voice in her head, basically sending her away, shutting himself off from understanding. The hurt in his eyes had hurt her, too, but the stubbornness infuriated her. She felt offended by his hasty proposal, heart sinking at her fears being confirmed – Ron had loved her only out of some inherent sense of duty, only because he had once before.

An audible sob escaped her, carried away by the wind. She ran her hands through her hair, twirling her fingers around her curls, pulling as she let out a stifled scream. She had set out on a journey of discovery, only to discover she had nothing, just empty hands. She had found a world full of magic she did not know how to be a part of. She had found friends who perhaps thought they knew her but whom she didn't truly know. She had found Ron and then lost him again.

The wind died down, but the bushes and grass around Hermione still shook as more sobs rippled through the air. Pebbles at her feet trembled, grains of earth rising to the level of her knees, floating around her in circular patterns. Hermione took no notice of this, but she felt relief start pouring in as she released the scream and the compressed energy inside her.

Her anger and sadness were ebbing away, like a tide pulled back into the sea. A semblance of peaceful resignation washed over her. The truth, now out there, set her free.

Perhaps Ron would learn to understand, perhaps in the meantime she could settle the score with who she actually was. And maybe they would each have to find themselves on their own.

The hill on which she was standing overlooked the entire village and Hermione wondered how she'd have to ask strangers whether she could make a telephone call and how annoying that would be. Then a strange house caught her eye. It was a little away from the rest of the village, cylindrical and tall, on another hill, as if plucked from another world, a Wizarding world perhaps.

Hermione started walking toward the hill. The closer she got to the strange house, the more she could make out a figure in the garden, bent over the flowerbeds out in front. She immediately recognised Luna Lovegood from the party the previous evening.

As Hermione approached the gate, Luna noticed her.

"Hermione," Luna said, straightening up. "What a surprise. You're barefoot." The young woman furrowed her eyebrows and then widened her eyes in an expression of realisation. "Of course, it's spring and that's the best way to gather up the Mayworm slime."

"Um, what?" Hermione asked, looking bewildered.

Luna wiggled her feet out of her own shoes until she stood barefoot in the grass too.

"Mayworm is a special kind of worm that lives in the vicinity of magical houses. Garden gnomes eat them a lot and that's why their saliva can be so beneficial. The worms leave their slime on the ground and when you walk on it, it absorbs into your skin and helps you regenerate faster after strenuous performances of magic."

"Oh," was all Hermione could say. She lifted her feet one after the other to inspect the bottoms for signs of slime.

"You look troubled and you must be thirsty after all that hill climbing. Sit down and I'll bring you something to drink and owl...Harry, I assume?"

Hermione nodded feebly and sat down at one of the two ornate garden chairs Luna motioned towards. Luna disappeared into the house and reappeared moments later with a tea set. She poured the contents into two bright yellow teacups and offered one to Hermione.

"I sent an owl to Harry, it should find him soon and he can come and fetch you."

"Thank you, Luna. And sorry to barge in on you like this."

"Oh it's fine, it's a pleasure to have you here. How do you like the plum tea?"

Hermione sipped the purple liquid in her cup and smiled wryly. "It's unusually refreshing."

"You looked much happier at the party yesterday," Luna remarked, tilting her head to the side.

"Right, yes, today just wasn't such a good day, I suppose."

"I see. Did you and Ron have a fight again?"

Hermione choked on her tea. "Huh, why would you think that?"

Luna shrugged with a smile. "Well, you appeared here out of nowhere and The Burrow is just over the hill. Also I remember you rarely got upset over most things, but you were always very sensitive about Ron and he could wind you up easily."

"Hm, I guess that doesn't speak much for our relationship then."

"Oh I don't know. I wouldn't give up on things just because they can be upsetting. You get upset because it matters and you care. Besides, your situation at the moment is exceptional, emotions are bound to be running high sometimes."

"I'm not sure about anything any more. I can't do magic. Hardly any. Sometimes I think I can feel it, but then it's gone."

"You just have to believe harder."

Hermione frowned. She felt the sting of that familiar frustration again, of people telling her it will just somehow work itself out, and she had no real control over anything. "It's not that easy. I can't just snap something into reality by believing," she said sharply.

"Perhaps not, but you can't find your power by doubting its existence. You know, you often thought I was crazy, or foolish for believing some of the things I did."

Hermione gulped her dirigible plum tea and found it hard to look Luna in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"Oh you don't have to be. You were never unkind to me, you just spoke your mind just as I spoke mine, I admired you for it. A lot of people think that me and my dad are foolish, but the way we look at the world is just nicer, makes it brighter. It pushes me to explore the world. I don't know if I would be able to do that without believing something wondrous is behind the corner." Luna then smiled serenely and leaned back into her chair.

"But what do you do when you find out you were wrong?" Hermione asked quietly. "When you realise that the thing you believed in wasn't real?"

"I don't know. Perhaps find something else to put your faith in. You can't be worried about disappointment otherwise you wouldn't have ever tried anything. I've been trying to find the Crumple Horned Snorkack for years now, with daddy since childhood and as a part of my research now. You know, I'm starting to think you were right about that one," Luna said smiling, "but it has led me on a path of discovery, and on the way I found many other things I didn't know I was looking for."

Luna looked off into the distance, lost in her own thoughts, all the time smiling. Hermione still wasn't sure if she could agree with everything Luna was saying, but her presence soothed her nonetheless.

"And you haven't performed any magic at all?" Luna asked after a while with knitted eyebrows, as if finally realising how strange that concept was. "When you were angry or very happy or maybe during sex?"

Hermione winced as she spat out her tea into her lap. She started coughing violently, so that Luna had to hit her on the back a couple of times.

"I know it's personal and you probably feel embarrassed," Luna said without a hint of embarrassment in her own voice, "but it's a valid question. Moments of anger or heightened pleasure are usually situations when you are not so careful with how you are and how you behave, and moments of both positive or negative emotional liberation can release pent up magic."

Hermione felt herself going scarlet in the face, but Luna was looking at her expectantly as if she was asking her about the weather. So Hermione gave it some thought.

In the turmoil of waking up to find Ron in the memory and then having the argument with him, she didn't really dwell on the fact that she had felt and performed magic the previous night. She felt the power in her bones and rippling through her skin. It was real, she knew that much, because it was a fact she observed and felt.

The fact that she needed Ron to be capable of that was both a wonderful and terrible feeling. He truly was the only person that could help her feel more natural in this world, but the thought of not being able to do anything without the help of a man was a little disappointing.

"We did spend the night together, and I felt the magic," Hermione admitted, feeling the colour leave her face, accepting the topic of conversation.

"You don't sound happy about it at all."

Hermione looked at her hands, wringing in her lap. "Well, I'd like to be able to do these things on my own, not only when I'm in a romantic embrace with someone."

"Don't look at it that way. The magic is still yours. What about some other times?"

Hermione paused to think, her dream coming back to her. The one, in which her skin burned and held the mad woman with the knife at bay for a little while.

"Sometimes I dream about it, but they are bad dreams. They're moments from the Manor and...it's difficult to pick that one apart because it's just so...dark."

Luna's face changed in that moment. She frowned and a shadow settled over her delicate features, making her look almost gaunt.

"The Manor was a terrible place," she said, her voice only a little bit above a whisper. Hermione watched her for a second and then it dawned on her.

"You were there, weren't you?"

"For much too long." Luna was silent for a moment before resuming with an airy smile. "I did meet new friends and got a new wand as a result of that," she said, twirling her wand between her delicate fingers. "That really taught me to look for the light when there is darkness." She paused again, as if in thought. "You know, maybe you are conflicted about actually staying in this world."

Hermione blinked and felt her throat going dry. An emptiness echoed inside her. "No, I don't think so...I'm not afraid, I want to be here," she said a little desperately, in a voice of someone trying to convince themselves. "Everything is magical and fascinating and..." Hermione felt her heartbeat quicken and a tear slip down her cheek that she quickly wiped away.

"It's a scary world sometimes," Luna said soberly. "And bad things have happened to you. Maybe you can't do magic properly because you still don't accept that you belong here or you're not sure if you want to."

"Well how does one belong into a world he can't remember anything about?" Hermione replied, her voice breaking.

"Some people would give a lot to forget bad things. That's why Swooping Evil always becomes endangered in times after the war."

"Swooping Evil?" Hermione asked. The name was familiar, but since she only leafed through Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, other subjects piquing her interest more, she couldn't recall much about it.

"Its venom erases bad memories, but it has to be properly diluted not to be harmful, and can still be very dangerous if taken in large doses. Like the Mayworm slime, too much can burn your skin," Luna added, lifting both her feet like Hermione had previously. She, however, was disappointed to find no traces of slime on her own feet.

"Does the venom come in the form of dust?" Hermione asked, the cogs in her mind immediately picking up on speed.

"As far as I know, it's only liquid."

"Do you have more books on the subject?"

Luna smiled. "Plenty."

As Hermione followed Luna into the tower-like house, she paused at the door to look around the plains and hills all around. Visions of darkness swooping around the house entered her mind as well as the distant yet non-existent sounds of explosion. She shivered as faint echoes of memories ignited and went out the next second.

She contemplated for a moment all the words that Luna had said to her, especially the part about the fear of truly re-joining the magical world.

Hermione wanted so much not to be afraid. But it was an identity that was thrust upon her when she entered this world.

You're a Gryffindor, you fought in the war, you saved the Boy Who Lived time and time again with your brains and powerful magic.

Having the slightest doubt about it seemed to her craven, and she had done her best to deny and dismiss all these thoughts and hints of fear. Maybe it was time to face it, acknowledge it.

Maybe to be unafraid, one had to learn how to live with fear, scream into the wind and walk the earth barefoot.

Maybe Hermione had to stop desperately searching for a way back. Maybe the only way was through.

Harry was at the office, avoiding his least favourite part of the job – paperwork. He had reports to file, but instead he was poring over another stack of parchment, which was a compilation of all that he could find about the so-called Memory Dust.

It was a term widely unrecognised in England. However, Harry was able to contact different Auror departments across the many Wizarding communities in the world, and thanks to Bill's still existing contacts in Egypt, he had received a letter from the Alchemists Guild describing something called Shāy āḏḏākira – memory tea. It was a potion brewed from glittering powder and it replaced bad memories with their happier version. It was highly addictive and could be toxic in large doses.

Bill had promised to take a portkey trip to Cairo and investigate on the powder a little further, meanwhile Harry had other things on his mind. He was waiting for a signed warrant to bring in Draco Malfoy for questioning.

Harry let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes as he stood up from the desk and set out for his boss' office, Octavia Piliwickle. She was a formidable woman with a long family legacy of working for the department. Her most notable contribution was taking inspiration from the Taboo used during the Second Wizarding War and using it to trace the Unforgivable Curses.

"Potter, come in," she said as he approached her half-open door.

"Hi Octavia," he said, inclining his head a little to the right. "I came to inquire about-"

"I know why," she cut him off curtly, giving him a meaningful look. "It's about the warrant for Malfoy, we can't find him, he's vanished completely."

Author's Note: Hi everyone, as always THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your reviews and reads, they make me so happy to be writing this again.

Part of the reason why it took so long to post this one was it was my first time writing a more adult version of Luna. I'd love to hear what you thought. I know there wasn't any Ron in this chapter (how dare I? even I missed him), these two need some space to figure out some things about themselves now.