Shell-shocked. That was the only word to describe the haze of shock and pain and disbelief that fell over them all. In silence, moving like people in a dream, they straightened the cottage and readied the horses to leave. Kara had expected to feel something, anything, but the emotions all swirled together to create something that just felt like a dull ache. Beyond that, she was numb. Her heart broke for J'onn and M'gann, but she couldn't bring herself to grieve the loss. They had failed to break the fourth curse, and the price of that failure had been higher than Kara could ever have fathomed. J'onn had become a second father to them all, and going on without him, and without M'gann's caring touch and gentle smile, seemed impossible.
But there was nothing else to be done. If Kara could have had her way, she would have stayed on that mountain forever, gone after the pair of them and tried anything to get them to return. Reality, however, wasn't so merciful. Whether she liked it or not, the dark, foreboding shadow still hung over her kingdom, and the remaining seventy-six years of her own curse hovered in the back of her mind, telling her no matter how much she hated it that there was nothing to do but go on.
"You could stay a little longer," Eve had ventured, but Kara shook her head.
"I don't like it," she said. "It feels like a betrayal to go on without them. And J'onn's the only capable protector we have. Without him, we're all in danger. But we don't have a choice. We have to keep going and...and hope that this will all come right, somehow. Even if I don't see how they can."
Their goodbyes to the two dwarves were subdued and sorrowful, although some people, like Lena and Winn, did their best to muster smiles. "I'll look for them," Nia promised as she threw her arms around Kara. "Every day, if I have to, and I'll talk some sense into the pair of them and send them back to you. Every curse has a way to break. And they have true love even if they don't know it. There's very few things that are stronger than that."
Kara nodded, blinking back tears. Slowly, almost as if they didn't want to leave the clearing, as if they clung to one last hope that J'onn and M'gann might reappear and things might go back to the way they were before, they mounted their horses and turned their backs on the cottage.
It was Kara, unwillingly, who took the lead now, with Alex on her shoulder and Mon-El at her side to help guide her back down through the mountains. Brainy and Lena followed behind, their voices hushed as they discussed the affairs of the Luthor kingdom with each other. Winn, quieter and more anxious now than ever, brought up the rear. Lena was the one who had known J'onn the least, but she was making an effort to respect the pain of the others, and her eyes held a solemn look. Kara refused to think about those eyes and what they might mean; in the face of the tragedy the first curse had turned out to be, there was no time to think of the three that remained, and no time to think of the dragon. None of that seemed to matter now.
The three days' journey down the mountain were some of the longest three days of Kara's life. The absence of their two leaders left a hole that was impossible to fill. Kara did her best to rally herself, to take the leader's position and handle it well, but it was a struggle. Alex did what she could to support her, but she was mourning the loss of the man who had been her mentor. She had been strangely pensive lately, almost distracted, as if there were something pressing on her mind and demanding her attention. When Kara asked about it, however, her only response was that she had some things to think over. Thankfully, Mon-El proved himself to be far more dependable than Kara would have thought a Daxamite could be, taking as much of the weight from Kara's shoulders as he could, and Brainy and Lena stepped up as well.
Winn's response, however, was more troubling even than Alex's. He seemed to have retreated into himself, withdrawn and worried, reminiscent of the frightened, cowering Winn they had met at the start of the quest. He tried to hide it, tried to lighten the mood wherever he could and disguise whatever was bothering him behind a smile that never quite reached his eyes, but Kara had learned to tell when he was hiding the way he felt. She left him alone, though, except for the odd sympathetic look or squeeze of the hand- Winn was the kind of person who had to be left to himself until he was ready to open up.
It was harder than Kara had thought, looking after all the individual needs of her little band. Sometimes it would get to be too much for her, and she would lie staring up at the stars, wondering how J'onn had managed to take this role so easily, wondering when it was that everything had gone so horrifically wrong.
The muted numbness lasted until they finally reached the base of the mountains, re-entering the main part of Daxam. And then, one morning, it was Mon-El who changed things.
"Alright," he announced suddenly. "Not to be the Daxamite who can't take anything seriously, but it's time we all wake up. We can't change what happened, and we've got other things to focus on. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to stop at the next tavern we see and have ourselves a good, hot meal- and drinks for those who are in desperate need of them, of which I'm one. And we're going to talk to each other. Everything we're feeling, we're just going to say it and get it off our chests. And I 'm not accepting arguments. I don't even care if I'm recognized or not. We can't keep living in this fog."
"Mon-El," Kara began, "I think that's-" She broke off, searching for a reason to refuse his suggestion, but she found nothing. In fact, he was right. "Just what we need," she finished finally.
And the mood did seem to lift, just a little, as they made their way down into the next village. It didn't take long to find a tavern, and Mon-El led the six of them to a table in the back of the room, where they would, for the most part, have their privacy. Evening was only just beginning to fall, and the place wasn't crowded. A handful of men in traveler's clothes sat clustered around two or three tables, and two women sat at another off to the side. None of them did more than glance up at the entrance of Kara's group, and thankfully, no one seemed to recognize Mon-El.
It did them good to enjoy a meal together, although they didn't exactly talk much about the loss of J'onn and M'gann. Instead, the general consensus seemed to be to talk about other things, to allow themselves to think about the days that lay ahead instead of what had happened in the past. The hole left by the loss would still be there, but they had no time to fix it. For now, they had to move on as if it wasn't there, and they would address it when the time was right.
Kara felt her own spirits lifting, just a little. Maybe she could handle this, she told herself. Maybe it would be alright after all. She'd gotten back something that she had been missing for a very long time- that tiny spark called hope.
Fate, however, could be cruel. And life had a way of waiting for that spark to take hold, and then swiftly snatching it away.
As they sat there talking once the meal was over, a shadow fell suddenly across the table, and a sarcastic, familiar voice rang out. "Well, if it isn't Her Royal Highness and the little band of adventurers!"
Brainy, Lena and Mon-El all looked completely blank, but Alex immediately tensed as Kara whirled around, looking straight into two pairs of eyes, one pair brown and one pair blue.
It was Winn, after a long moment, who broke the heavy silence, his voice so soft that Kara had to strain to hear him. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," Siobhan answered, tossing her dark hair over her shoulder. "Did you honestly think we didn't recognize you at the ball? You may have gotten yourself all dressed up like royalty, but we knew who you really were."
"And now so does someone else," Lyra interjected, taking possession of an unoccupied chair. "Oh, we couldn't bring ourselves to interrupt you. You and Princess Ayla looked like you were having such a lovely time. But you left the ball so early."
Kara felt a cold weight of dread settle into her stomach. She knew where this story was going, and from the way Winn had turned suddenly pale, she had a feeling he did too. If she could have done something, she would have. But this was Daxam. She had no royal authority here, no way to tell them to stop.
"We wanted to meet the girl who'd stolen our stepbrother's heart," Siobhan said. "We had quite a nice chat with her once you left. I can see why you were taken with her. She's quite charming. A romantic, too. She really did seem to be in love with her mystery prince."
"So imagine her surprise," Lyra put in, "when we told her he wasn't one."
Kara's heart sank. She heard Alex make a half-choked sound of anger in her throat, saw Lena lean forward, brow furrowed in mingled confusion and distaste. Brainy's expression was hard and unreadable, and Mon-El, obviously still confused, gave Kara a questioning glance.
But the look on Winn's face was the worst. It wasn't anger. It wasn't pain. It was a look of absolute shock, as if someone had slapped him and he hadn't seen it coming.
"Oh, don't look so hurt," Siobhan said. Kara could have choked her. "It was for your own good, you know. And hers. It would have broken her heart to find out later, find out you hadn't told her the truth. You're beneath her. You never should have met her at all. You shouldn't even be here, and you know it."
Now, finally, Kara did spring to her feet. "That's not true," she said hotly. "Winn is just as much a part of this quest as any one of us."
"So you've told him, princess," Lyra answered, smiling a sickening smile. "But he knows the truth. We're his family. He knows the right thing to do is to come back with us. Don't you?"
All eyes turned to Winn. He bit his lip, blinking too quickly, and Kara saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. He seemed to be wrestling with himself, conflicting emotions playing across his face.
And then his shoulders slumped. "You're right," he said, voice hollow and hopeless. "I shouldn't have come."
"Winn, no," Kara pleaded. "That's not true. Please. We just lost J'onn and M'gann. We can't lose you too. We need you. I need you."
"No," Winn said quietly. "No, Kara, you don't. You never have. You'll make it to the end of the quest just fine without me. Adventures with royalty, life-changing quests, true love...I'm not meant for that. If J'onn can't love M'gann after she lied to him, why should I have any hope that Ayla would still love me? I'm not a prince. I'm not even an adventurer. I'm just a commoner, just a servant, and...and I never should have tried to be anything else."
He stood up, smiling a shaky smile that was only a shadow of his real one, a smile that hurt and brought tears to Kara's eyes. "Thank you," he said. "For letting me be part of this for a while. I'll never forget it, any of it, or any of you. And I wish you well with the rest."
"Winn-" Brainy began. Mon-El reached out, as if to stop him, but Winn shrugged him off, stepping around the table to where Siobhan and Lyra stood.
"Well," Siobhan said briskly. "I suppose that settles that, then. Good luck with your little quest, Your Highness."
Kara barely heard her, barely heard the tavern door close behind the three of them. Tears blurred her vision, but she made no move to wipe them away. She couldn't. She had just been starting to heal from the last loss, and now this one had torn her heart open again.
How much more? she cried out silently. How much more am I going to have to bear? Before this quest is over, how much will I have to lose?
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