Obstacles

by IsisIvy

Bella Swan, still grieving over her mother's sudden death, travels back to her hometown of Forks, Washington to deliver the news to her alcoholic father. Along the way she meets Edward Cullen, a recovering addict, and finds comfort in the most unlikely place. Rated M for lemons/sensitive material. AH, Angst/Romance.

26. Epilogue

Epilogue Song - Obstacles by Syd Matters

Someday we will foresee obstacles,
Through the blizzard, through the blizzard.
Today we will sell our uniform,
Live together, live together.

---

August 2018

"That's the last of them," Edward said as he walked through the door of the apartment, shutting it behind him with his foot. He strode across the room, sliding the moving box from his arm and onto the kitchen counter just before tugging his cap off to wipe sweat from his brow. I stood on the opposite side, pulling out our dishes and unwrapping them from the newspaper before placing them neatly into our cabinets.

Almost fifteen hours in the car and we were finally settling into our new home. It was a small, one-bedroom apartment, no more than nine-hundred square feet, but it was smack dab right in-between my job and the university with an easy commute for both of us. Not only was it practical for the commute, but we were nuzzled right in the heart of the city, everything at our disposal. The apartment wasn't luxurious, but it had a certain charm with its brick walls and old-french style windows overlooking the city. I imagined opening them up, letting the smell of the bay breeze in while I worked on my writing and Edward studied for his classes. The vision filled me with happiness, eager to start this new life outside of Forks.

"Remind me why we picked an apartment on the fourth floor with no elevator?" He questioned as he lugged himself to the couch, flopping down with a heavy sigh.

"Because it was one of the only apartments available in our price range and close to my job and your school." I countered, looking back at him over my shoulder.

"Groceries will be a bitch."

"Not as much of a bitch as getting that bedframe up here," I argued, and he laughed, nodding in agreeance. I left my spot in the kitchen, moving to the back of the couch, where I situated myself behind him, leaning over before rubbing my hands down his shoulders to his chest, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. "I'm sure we'll get used to it. Plus, this is only temporary. When we move, we'll make sure there are no stairs."

I could sense his smile, his large hand reaching up to grip one of my wrists, pulling it to his lips before placing sweet kisses to it. "I shouldn't complain. I actually should be thankful."

"For what?"

"That I will be able to come home to you every night. Fourth floor be damned." He whispered into my skin as I smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"Keep up the sweet talk, and we may need to skip dinner and go straight to christening this apartment." I challenged as his head turned, eyebrow raised.

"Is that a promise?"

"It is, but I haven't eaten since this morning, and I will more than likely keel over any second," I warned, feeling him let go of me. "How about we do something easy? I can introduce you to the world of food delivery, God knows Forks didn't have that." I laughed, pulling out my phone. An hour later our food arrived and we sat together on our tiny couch, Edward upright as my legs rested over his lap, laying my head on the arm of the chair as music played from the stereo he hooked up in the corner. We each had different containers of Thai food spread across, eating until we couldn't have another bite.

"Are you excited for your first day?" I asked, setting my empty food container to the table in front of us. While I started back in the office on Monday, Edward started both school and work. In the morning, he would go to a part-time internship at a social work office to build experience. It was unpaid, but it at least got his foot in the door and he was hopeful that when he completed his courses, they would promote him. In the evening, he would do his schoolwork and work to complete his psychology degree. He had only two semesters left, but shortly after Charlie died, he made the decision to move towards social work rather than being a psychologist, feeling he could make more of a difference.

"I am. A little nervous. All I've known the past few years is opening and closing a bar," He answered with a shrug, taking his last bite of eggroll.

"It's not your work experience that is going to matter," I began, moving my legs so I could kneel next to him. "It's going to be your personal experience. That's why you'll do better than everyone else."

"Thanks for your confidence." He smiled, reaching forward to kiss me. "And thank you for letting me do this." He stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers as I smiled, nodding my head. Edward still had his inheretenice from his father, which would help with the bills, but for the next two semesters, the only income would be mine.

"You'd do it for me." I challenged, pushing his hair back. He turned slightly, pressing his lips to my shoulder before looking back to me with his soft green eyes.

"Are you ready to go back to work?" He asked, stabbing more of his Pad Thai even though he was full. I moved closer into the couch, feeling my throat tighten as anxiety licked the inside of my chest. Charlie had died less than six months ago, but I still felt raw. Every day was a little easier, but I struggled. Sudden bouts of anger or sadness could hit me at any moment, and at one point, I worried that I had inherited my mother's bipolar traits. Before we left Forks, I confided in Carlisle, relaying my symptoms at rapid speed, to which he assured me that what I was experiencing was grief and nothing more or less. His words comforted me, but I knew I didn't make it easy for Edward.

I was conflicted about work. Siobhan had been nothing but accommodating, allowing me to relocate to San Francisco at a job I was actually qualified for. She even allowed me to take a few months off after Charlie, never entertaining the idea of me leaving again. I had so much to be grateful for, but I was anxious for my first day, hoping I could keep myself together. Charlie's death had affected me more than I had realized, both emotionally and physically. With both of my parents gone, it was hard for me to wrap my brain around it. I was appreciative for those who I still had, Esme and Carlisle taking me in as a daughter while Phil continued to remain in my corner. I was lucky, I knew that. But the emptiness I felt inside consumed me, and I didn't know how to get myself out of it.

"Bella?" Edward called, pulling me from my thoughts. "You okay?" His hand was on my knee, rubbing gentle circles as his warmth encompassed me. I nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "You don't have to go back right now if you don't want to." This was a conversation we had almost daily now.

"We have bills now," I said, shaking my head.

"I still have plenty in my inheritance. That could cover us for a long time." He answered, gripping my hand as our fingers interlocked. "If you aren't ready, it's okay."

"I don't know if I will ever be ready. I might as well rip off the Band-Aid." I whispered, feeling his fingers tighten against mine. If Edward was anything, it was understanding. After everything he went through, with his own parents and my departure, I was amazed every day by his generosity and composure. He never pushed me away when I got mean and always held me close when I was sad. If I needed an anchor, there he was, pulling me back.

"Whatever you want to do, I'll support you." He told me, even though he didn't need to. I knew. Even if I didn't deserve it or him, I knew. I felt a burn in my chest, the same way I always felt when I thought about our inequality, about how he was so much better. I pushed the thoughts away, that being the last thing I needed to think about on top of my parents' deaths and going back to work. I looked to the open bedroom door, seeing our mattress covered with boxes. He followed my gaze, only swiveling them back to me as his eyebrow cocked.

I moved, fisting his shirt in my hands and pushed him down, his legs kicking up and under me as I straddled his lap. He had a look of amusement, a small grin tugging at his lips as he rested his head against the armrest. I reached down, finding his belt buckle, only to be stopped by his hands at my wrist.

"Are you trying to distract me with sex?" He asked through a low grunt as I moved my hips, his last word coming out as a breath of air.

"Maybe. Is it working?"

"Like you wouldn't fucking believe." A hand dropped to my waist, another curling into my hair as he grabbed a fistful, gently bringing me down to meet his lips. My hands rested on his chest, bunching his shirt, eager to feel skin to skin. His kiss was searing, his lips parting to tease my own with his tongue. I let out a throaty moan against him, feeling his hand slipping under the hem of my leggings, gripping ahold of my ass. He pulled his head from me, but stayed only an inch away, our noses barely touching as he nipped at my bottom lip, his green eyes burning holes into me. "You don't have to hide from me, Bella," His words came out in a breath, holding me still. "Anything you do, anywhere you go, I'll follow you, and I'll support you."

"I know," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"Do you?" He asked as his eyebrows knitted. "Do you understand how much I love you? Because you've been building your wall back up and I get it. I promise you, no one gets it more than I do. But I need you to let me in." He said tightly, as I watched his Adam apple bob when he swallowed. In the midst of my grief, I would sometimes forget I wasn't the only one who lost my parents.

"I let you in," I wanted to argue, but my voice came out strangled. "You see all the bad parts."

"There are no bad parts, Bella," He whispered harshly. "How could there be?" His voice softened as I felt tears well up, my hands sliding down to his side. I wanted to move, to shield myself from him, but he wouldn't let me, his hand on my bottom holding me still. "Don't hide from me. I want to see all of you. Let me help you."

"I don't deserve you."

"Bullshit." He spat. "Do you honestly believe that?" He asked as I stayed silent, every nerve inside of me telling me to run. But Edward's hold on me was so tight, I could barely move. I did believe that. So many years of being lied to and left behind made me feel unworthy to someone who wanted to do nothing but shower me with attention. I hated the way I felt now. I hated the way Charlie's death spiraled me into an abyss when all I wanted was to be happy.

"Please, just kiss me," I begged, desperate for the conversation to end.

"Don't worry, I will. And I'll do more than that." He promised, his hard tone sending a chill up my spine. "But I need you to tell me you understand that I am your partner. Forget who deserves who, if we play that game, then we'll both lose. Because there are qualities less than desirable in both of us. But then there is the good," He paused, his hand down my pants pushing me forward as I felt the hardness beneath me, my mouth slacking open at the sensation. "I'll always make it good, Bella. And I know you will for me too."

"I'm confused as to what we're talking about," I whispered through my teeth, feeling his deep chuckle vibrate me.

"Everything. But don't shut me out anymore. Okay? It kills me when you do that." His voice had suddenly grown pensive, my eyes meeting his as I could see the sadness behind them. I never wanted that. I never wanted to make him feel left out. We were building a life together, and despite my uneasiness and anxiety, especially around my parents, I knew that building my wall was only going to hurt us in the end. And we had enough hurt to last a lifetime.

"Okay," I whispered softly, feeling him lean up to kiss me.

"Now …" He began, leaning up until our chests were pushed flush against each other. "We are going to finish what you started because I don't think I can hold back any longer."

December 2018

"You need to get up," I felt Edward's lips against my throat, running down to my collarbone, nipping at the exposed skin as he teased me. I moaned in protest, turning myself away, which only gave him access to my naked back. His fingers skimmed the ridges of my spine, pressing wet kisses to my shoulders as he clutched my waist. "Santa has already been here, ate our cookies and everything. You can't sleep in a minute longer."

"Isn't that why we decided to stay here for Christmas? So we didn't have to deal with waking up early?" I asked against the pillow, clutching it to my chest.

"It's eleven-thirty, Bella." Edward deadpanned as I groaned again, nuzzling into the sheets that wrapped around my body. "Come on, I want you to open your gifts."

"I thought we said no gifts."

"Well, unless Santa really did leave me things under the tree, then you didn't follow that rule either." He reached down, grabbing my breast and squeezed, my eyes widening at the sudden contact. "Come on, sweet girl. I've got a lot in store for you today." He slapped my ass, teasing me before pulling away. I scowled over at him as he left the room, decked with his Christmas pajama bottoms that hung low on his lips.

Slowly, I inched out of bed, dressing in an oversized sweater, a pair of panties, and red and white striped socks that came up to mid-calf, provided by Edward. Despite my annoyance of being woken up, I couldn't help but absorb his excitement. Christmas had always been a big deal to my mom, she loved every moment of it, making it bigger than what it really needed to be, but that was what made it so great. This was the second Christmas without her and the first without Charlie and I was thankful for Edward who was trying his hardest to keep my mind off that fact.

I had gone strides in healing myself over their deaths. Ever since Edward had made me promise not to shut him out anymore, we had found a middle ground. There were still times I cracked, and the grief hit, especially around the holidays, but with Edward, he was always there to catch me. Thanksgiving had been hard, but we still made it to Forks to spend with his family. We had plans to visit Charlie's house, to check and make sure everything was still in order, but when we were on the way, I was hit with an anxiety attack. Edward took me straight back to Carlisle and Esme's before making the trip himself.

He was selfless like that, and he never complained. He had asked me not to dwell on if we deserved each other or not, but at those moments – it was hard for me not to think about it. I kept those thoughts buried inside of me, thankful he was there to help me through.

When I stepped out of the bedroom, Edward stood at the tree, turning when he heard me enter. Our tree was small, no more than five feet, but we had got it together, chopped it down, and decorated it in ungodly ornaments and tinsel. It looked like every cliché Christmas tree, but we were so proud of it.

"All right, Santa," I said, gesturing to his red pants. "You have my undivided attention."

"Sit here." He began, grabbing my shoulders to seat me on the ottoman. I laughed, watching him across from me, his face eager, and I imagined him as a little boy, with the same expression as his parents handed him his first present.

"You go first." I gestured to his gifts that I had placed together in the corner under the tree. I had bought him several books on teenage psychology, ones I knew he didn't have in addition to cologne and a witty mug that said: "Relax, I'm a social worker." His biggest gift, however, was a new laptop, one he desperately needed even if he would argue it was too expensive. Last, but not least, was a framed photo of us from Thanksgiving, courtesy of Alice.

"Nope, you are going first." He shook his head, glancing away from me as if something had caught his attention. I sighed, knowing there was no use in arguing, especially since I had kept him waiting for so long. I nodded, conceding as he grabbed several gifts, piling them at my feet.

I took my time opening each one, admiring the artwork he got me for my desk at work as well as a long sleeve, navy blue dress. There were small items, things that were necessary, like new wine glasses, and silverware because we seemed to be lacking forks and spoons. I laughed at the oversized hoodie because he was always tired of me stealing his, but I had him promise to wear it at least once just so it smelled like him.

The last one was a large, heavy square that had several, smaller rectangle gifts neatly wrapped on top of it. When he set it on the floor next to me, he eased back down, clasping his fingers and resting his elbows on his knees. I grabbed the first smaller, rectangle gift and opened it from the back, noticing immediately it was a frame. Turning it, my heart stopped at the sight of Charlie and me, the same picture I found in one of his letters.

I looked up to Edward, who gave me a small smile, looking back down to my lap. I grabbed the others, five framed photos from the album we found in the attic of Charlie's house. There was one of me as a little girl, dancing in the living room with my mom, one of the two of them younger than I was now, sitting on their couch. Tears fell before I even registered them, looking at the last frame of the three of us together, sitting on our porch.

"There's more." He said, gesturing to the large square gift. I picked it up, feeling the heaviness, running my shaky pointer finger under the tape. When the wrapping was gone, I stared down at a newly improved album … tan, leather bounded with the letter S decorating the front. Slowly, I opened it, the rest of our pictures adorning the pages, taking me back to my memories. I felt my chest heave, a sob leaving my throat as Edward moved close, pressing his hands into my thighs, rubbing them soothingly. Closing the album, I looked down at him, grabbing his face between my hands as I pressed a kiss to his nose, feeling every ounce of love I could for him.

"Thank you." I whispered as he nodded, reaching forward to kiss me.

"I wanted you to remember the good. Always the good, Bella." He said, wrapping his arms around my middle as I held him tight, feeling a mixture of happiness, sadness and so much love. We sat there for several minutes, taking in each other's warmth until a noise from the other side of the room broke us from our trance. I pulled away, wiping at my tears as I heard … crying?

"What is that?" I asked, standing. I looked down at him and he shrugged, giving nothing away. He stayed on his knees, watching as I investigated, stopping at the kitchen counter, then turning when the crying became louder, just at the hall closet. I moved slowly, gripping the doorknob, unlocking it to reveal a large red box with a bow, several holes punctured at the top. And it was … moving? Kneeling, I watched it cautiously, gripping the edge of the top as I popped it open to reveal two indigo eyes that blinked up at me. "What?" I cried, the multi-colored puppy immediately jumping out of the box at the opportunity, wiggling around my lap, panting from excitement as it wagged its tail. Overcoming the shock, I wrapped the puppy in my arms, feeling its warm breath as it licked all over my face. "A puppy?" I couldn't help but laugh, looking to Edward, who was now at my side, kneeling next to us.

The puppy was eager to spread its love, wiggling from me to Edward, nipping at his chin as he enveloped it in his arms. "She's an Australian Shepard/Husky mix." I pulled her from Edward, wanting to give her and her blue eyes more attention as I held her tightly.

"Edward, our apartment is so small." My voice betrayed me, already telling him how much I loved her.

"We're going to move in the next few years," He began with a shrug. "I needed a running partner, and you needed someone to stay with you at night while I'm at school."

"I can't believe you did this." I smiled, running my fingers through her fur, admiring her tan, gray, and white colors, black splotching at random spots. She was beautiful, unique, and quite rambunctious as she jumped from my arms, tumbling across the hardwood. I looked back to Edward, leaning forward to give him the biggest kiss, even when our new puppy tried to nudge in between us. "Best Christmas ever," I whispered against him.

March 2019

"Indy. Sit." I commanded, on my knees with a Milk-Bone in my hand. Indigo watched me, blinking her blue eyes as she stubbornly stayed standing, her tail wagging at me with anticipation. "Sit," I said again, but this time she jumped, her paws pushing against my chest, trying to grab the treat from my hand. "No, you rotten dog." I ground out, pushing my twenty-pound, five-month-old puppy away from me. When I went to try again, the front door of the apartment opened, the treat all but forgotten when her nails slid against our floor, darting in the direction of Edward who entered, his jacket slung over his arm. He didn't notice me at first, his expression stern with furrowed eyebrows. When he heard Indy and caught my eye, the look was immediately gone. She barked her way to him, letting her presence known as she hit just at his legs, strong enough to make him falter as he shut the door behind him, reaching down to shower her with attention.

"She's broken, you've got to take her back." I joked as he lifted her in his arms, her head dangling as her tongue hung, pure happiness on her face to be reunited with him. He walked her in my direction, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of my head before he dropped her right over me, laughing when she put me on my back. Indy rolled off, running to her basket of toys to grab her purple squeaking ball, chomping it between her teeth as it screeched. Edward sat on the couch, grabbing the ball from her and throwing it across the room as she slipped, trying to run across the hardwood.

"Why is she broken?" He asked just as she came back to him, gripping the ball again before throwing.

"She's not, just stubborn," I said, laughing, as she brought back her slobbery ball, knowing he wouldn't dare take her back. Neither of us realized the work in raising a puppy, especially Indy. She was a ball of energy who was loud and needy, despite the constant attention we gave her. She had us always on our toes, staying vigilant to her antics, making sure she was staying out of trouble, which could consist of tearing the toilet paper from the bathroom to chewing on our shoes. She was still too young to go on runs with Edward, so we spent time throwing the ball and chasing her around the couch to exhaust her, but mostly we only wore ourselves out. "I knew teaching her things wouldn't be easy, but I figured she'd at least get sit down."

Edward had grabbed the ball from her grip, avoiding throwing as he held it in his palm. He straightened his back, their eyes meeting before he spoke. "Indigo, sit."

I balked the second her bottom hit the ground, and he smugly turned towards me, throwing the ball without looking as she took off. I rolled my eyes, whispering show off under my breath as I sat up, moving from the floor to the couch.

"What are you doing home?" He asked, glancing at his watch. Typically, he made it home before me, just in enough time for us to share dinner until he exited to class. I shrugged my shoulders, leaning myself against him, grimacing when Indy placed the wet ball into my lap.

"Didn't feel like working today," I said honestly, grabbing the ball and moving it away from us. Edward laughed, his hand reaching down to grip at my inner thigh, exposed from the lounge shorts I was wearing. He didn't look at me, watching the wall in front of us as his expression turned stern once more. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He looked over, sparing a smile. "Tough case at work, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He stayed motionless just before bringing the heels of his hands up, digging into his eyes. Edward didn't have his own cases, his job as an intern was mainly paperwork, but there were off chances that he tagged along when the extra help was needed. The social worker got a free employee to assist while Edward got the experience. He was grateful for it every time, but today he was somber.

"A five-year-old being raised by her eleven-year-old sister. The mother is too high to pay the bills and put food on the table. The electricity and water had been out for weeks before someone noticed they weren't taking showers." He bit, shaking his head.

"That's awful," I whispered, feeling a weight in my stomach. "What happened?"

"We brought them to the office after a complaint, and I had to interview the eleven-year-old. It was brutal, Bella." He shook his head, leaning forward as he pressed his elbows into his knees, ignoring Indy, who sat next to him, ball in mouth. "She told me how her father was out of the picture and her mother whored herself out to pay for her addiction instead of the essentials. She told me she's begged outside of the grocery store before, hoping someone would give her money or just a fucking loaf of bread." He growled as I felt a tightness, feeling pity for the little girl who had to grow up too soon. "It made me angry for you."

"For me?" I asked, shocked. The story burned in my chest, to the point where I absentmindedly reached up to rub it. My parents were addicts, but they at least kept me fed and warm.

"All the stuff you told me about Charlie and Renee? How can parents do that to their kids?" He asked, their names like pins to my skin. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, still trying to settle the emotions I felt when we talked about them.

"It's different, Edward. I mean, my parents had their vices, but at least I got food. I mean, I had to cook it myself, but that's more than what those girls have. And the bills were paid relatively on time. In the grand scheme of things, despite what they put me through, it could have been worse. It could have been more like what those girls are experiencing. My parents were neglectful, but they weren't cruel. They loved me." I choked on the last word, gaining his attention. He reached for me, one palm steadying against the side of my neck, the other to my waist as he moved me closer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset." He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"You didn't. I appreciate how caring you are, but don't waste your anger on that. It's not necessary." I told him, reaching forward to push his hair from his eyes. I made a mental note to take him to get a haircut. I reached forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. "This is why you'll be a great social worker. You care so much. And you want to help."

"I don't know how much help I was." He said with a scoff, rolling his eyes. "I just talked to her."

"But I bet you no one has before. No one listened to her until now. If I were her, I'd be grateful for you. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to." I assured him, the silence growing between us. He watched me carefully, his green eyes piercing as he studied me until his lips tugged into a smile, one that caused my stomach to flip. The palm on my waist grew tighter, and with a swift pull, I yelped, suddenly on his lap.

"I don't know what I did to earn you, but I'm so glad I did." He smiled, pressing his lips to mine, locking me in place, immediately overwhelmed by several senses. The hand on my neck started to snake back into my hair, grabbing a handful, gently tugging for my chin to tilt up, gaining him access to my neck as he ravaged it with his lips. We were consumed in our small bubble, and just as I felt his hands under my T-shirt, a bark broke us from our trance, our eyes swiveling to Indy who stood by the couch, clearly annoyed that we weren't paying attention to her. "Don't be a cockblocker." Edward deadpanned as I snorted, stepping off his lap and tugging him off the couch, eyeing my intent as we headed towards the bedroom.

Just before we hit the threshold, I stopped, pushing him off me as I turned to Indy, who continued to stand, watching. I straightened my back, clearing my throat before I lowered my voice, staring directly at her. "Indigo, sit."

I had to resist the urge to shove it in Edward's face, knowing I had spent hours in the last few days of my week to get that down with her. I looked back to him, grinning before I flicked my hair over my shoulder as he followed behind, grabbing my waist and pulling me to our bed.

April 2019

EPOV

"Bella?" I called out as I stepped through the front door of our apartment. I moved to the kitchen, setting our dinner on the counter preparing for the sounds of nails on hardwood, but it was eerily silent. "Indy." I whistled with no response. I looked to the hooks on the wall, seeing her leash, indicating that she was, in fact, home. I tugged off my jacket and hung it over the back of one of our kitchen chairs, moving through the living room to the open door of our bedroom. The darkness of the night revealed that the bathroom was occupied, light shining through the bottom crack. Placing my fist to the door, I knocked and called, "Bella?"

Hearing the signature whine of our puppy, I reached down, grabbing the knob and slowly opened it, my eyes falling down to Bella on the floor, leaning against the wall and the tub. Indigo was lying next to her, her head in Bella's lap as she didn't even give me a second glance. I took in Bella's form, noticing that her face was pale beside the pink of her cheeks, inflamed from the tears that seemed to be a constant and unbroken stream. She looked up to me, sniffling before wiping her nose.

"I had a really bad day." It was the only thing she could get out through broken breaths as I kneeled next to her, pulling at Indy's collar, eliciting a groan to show her discontentment from being detached from Bella. At six months, the dog was a pain in my ass, but she knew when Bella was hurting, and for that, I was grateful. I pulled Bella to me, wrapping my arms around her shoulders as she began to sob. Indy made her way back to us, squeezing onto Bella's lap as she placed her hand at the top of her head, stroking through her fur as she continued to cry into me.

I knew this day was going to be tough. There was no way around it. This morning, I watched her carefully, waiting for any sign that would tell me she wouldn't be okay. I was prepared to call off work, to not go to class, but when I brought it up to Bella, she shook me away, showing off her signature smile that warmed me, making me believe. I was a fucking idiot. I should have known; I should have seen. And now, she was breaking down in my arms.

It had been a year since Charlie had been gone, but his presence was felt every day. Especially by Bella. When we first moved to San Francisco, I could physically feel her keeping me out. She was hurting, revealing every ounce of pain her parents put her through, including their deaths, feeling like she had to carry that burden on her own. I spent time with her, careful not to push her, trying to keep her intact as best as I could while still trying to remain strong myself. I reflected back to when my father died, how lonely I felt afterward, even with Carlisle and Esme. Nothing crashes you down to reality faster than losing both your parents and being the last one left.

Every day was better. She stayed open, telling me when she struggled. We worked through it together, we talked openly about her parents, the easiness of it making me so goddamn proud of her. She was so brave and strong, trying to heal while moving on. I reminded her every day that she had me, even if that was hard for her to swallow at first. She kept herself open, bared herself to me, and I would never not be appreciative of it.

But today, I should have seen this coming. One year ago, she let go of the man who she regretted not spending more time with. It wasn't her fault; in fact, it wasn't even his fault. Her mother's decision put the wedge between them, and she had to live with that and the wasted time for the rest of her life. Reflecting on my dad's death, I was thankful that it was quick. He made the choice to end his life, and so he did. Charlie died slowly, little by little as Bella sat and watched, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. And she did it with such refinement and tenderness that it made my love for her so much greater.

That love didn't dissipate. If anything, it grew from being with her.

I pulled Indy from Bella again, grabbing at her legs and lifting her in my arms. Bella stayed crying as I walked her into the bedroom, Indy right at my feet as I settled her into bed. A whine at my side made me look down, Indy's paws at the edge of the bed as she blinked up at me.

"Let her up, please," Bella said through sniffles as I patted the comforter, allowing Indy to jump up. I had a strict rule of no dogs in the bed, but today I knew I had to make an exception. Indy stayed at the foot, resting on Bella's legs, watching her closely, protectively. I looked back up to Bella, my heart clenching at the tears that didn't stop. I went to wipe them away, but they were only replaced with new ones. I felt helpless, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead, hoping I could soothe her.

"What can I do for you, Bella?" I whispered, my voice betraying me, showing my struggle. I didn't want to crack in front of her. I needed her to know I was here for her to lean on. But seeing her like this chipped at my exterior, my heart breaking right along with hers.

"Just hold me. Please. I just want you to hold me." She pleaded as I nodded, moving to my side of the bed. I kicked off my shoes and climbed in next to her, grabbing her waist, pulling her into me and cocooning her into my body, molding myself around her. My chest was flushed against her back, her small, delicate hands holding my arms that enveloped her as I felt her sobs wrack through, vibrating me. I closed my eyes, holding in composure as I leaned forward, pressing soft kisses to the back of her head, letting her know I was still here. "I don't want to hurt anymore." She finally said through a sob as I nodded, swallowing hard.

"I know," I whispered, squeezing her a bit tighter.

"Why did they leave me?" She wept, repeating the same words I had heard before. I had no answer for her, nothing I could say to comfort her when she asked me that. All I could do was hold her through this and hope it was enough.

She cried for several more hours until the sliver of morning light shone through our window. I stayed up with her, peeling her hair back that clung to her damp cheeks. I reminded her of my love for her, reminded her that none of this was her fault and that it was okay to cry and grieve. Though her sobs continued, I could hear and feel them lessen as the night went on, dwindling until she was tired enough to fall asleep.

I stayed up, restless, feeling the weight of her anguish on my chest, trying to hold it up for her.

June 2019

My heels clicked against the stone of the pathway up to the stairs of our apartment, Edward right behind me. He stayed silent, knowing I was close to bursting if he even muttered a word. Angry, I wrung my hair out, the water dripping to the concrete beneath me as the thunder served as a harsh reminder that I was completely defeated. Reaching the door, I fumbled with the keys, biting back a frustrated cry when I couldn't get the lock to click open. I felt his warmth before even physically feeling him, his hand coming around to steady me as my eyes stayed trained on the door stubbornly. His fingers wrapped around my wrist, holding me in place as he directed it to turn, the sound of the lock popping open.

"Bella …" He began, but I shook my head, stepping inside. Indy came barreling through from the living room, excitement glowing in her blue eyes, eager for the attention even though we had only been gone for no more than thirty minutes. I gave her a pat on the head and nothing more, walking right by her as her focus moved to Edward, who knelt down, giving her the devotion I should have.

I had been planning this day for weeks, starting from the moment Edward opened his eyes until the second we found our way to bed when the stars came out. Everything was meticulously thought out, prepared, and paid for. If only the weatherman hadn't lied to me.

I had everything planned out accordingly, dinner on the pier, in our own little section just outside of Edward's favorite restaurant we had frequented once we arrived in San Francisco. The restaurant was right at the edge of the shore, overlooking the bay, and after dinner was done, there was a small private spot down on the beach, where I had a glowing fire pit, a stereo, and a bottle of champagne. I was sure it was all ruined by now from the storm; it washing away all evidence of my hard work.

It was Edward's birthday, and even before I started planning, he had told me he didn't want anything special. I pretended to listen to him, even giving him a promise I wouldn't go out of my way. But how could I not? My pillar, he had held me up so many times, especially after Charlie. He endured my wrath and sadness and took it with a calmness that doused the fire within me. He put up with me when he shouldn't have, but he did it because he loved me so wholeheartedly. Just two months ago, at the anniversary of my father's death, he held me all night and didn't complain once, not even when he had to wake early to go to work. We weren't based on materialistic things, but I felt a day where I could show him not just with my words but my actions on how much he meant to me, he would know just how much I loved him.

When the rain started, it wasn't just a sprinkle. It was a torrential downfall, covering the city and dousing us within milliseconds. Even though I knew our after-dinner beach picnic was ruined, I still had a sliver of hope for dinner. That same hope was crushed when the restaurant informed us that because our table was reserved for outside and that they were filled to capacity inside, we would have to move our reservations to another day. My spirits were ruined, and anger replaced it, inducing a yelling match with the hostess until Edward pulled me away and back into the rain.

Damn it, we had even dressed up. I wore my long-sleeved navy-blue dress that Edward got me for Christmas while he matched with his navy skinny tie and a white button-up shirt with a jacket, both of which were soaked. On our way home, I caved with tears and told him what I had planned, and being the thoughtful boyfriend he was, he had thanked me profusely for the thought. He told me he was sure it would have been amazing and that even though he was disappointed that it was raining, he was still content with staying in the apartment with Indy and me.

I went to the wall, flipping the switch only to reveal that when the storm had become stronger, it had knocked out the electricity. I held in a groan, all hopes of redeeming the night suddenly squashed, my demeanor falling as my shoulders slumped. As I made my way back to the bedroom, Edward searched for a lighter to light candles, as Indy followed me.

Feeling a tightness in my throat, I forced myself not to cry, shaking my head to fight the tears. I knew I was being overly emotional, especially when Edward promised me it wasn't a big deal to him, but it was to me. I just wanted to give him something, give him the attention he deserved, to pamper him, and love him the way showed me. I unhooked my earrings, slamming them onto the top of my vanity, as Indy whined next to me, sensing my distress. I pulled my damp hair into a messy bun, several curls escaping and framing my face. Holding onto the vanity, I slipped out of my heels and began to unclasp the bracelets around my wrist and then finally the bird pendant that rested around my neck.

Indy continued to cry, the lack of attention I gave her becoming glaringly obvious. I let out a breath, kneeling to reach her as I scratched behind her ears, watching as her jaw slacked open, her tongue hanging out in happiness. She was the best present I could have ever received, even if she was now a behemoth. Wrapped up in giving my girl attention, I had almost missed the soft melody that began from the living room, wafting down the hall and into the bedroom. Confused, I perked my head, my eyebrows furrowing as I took a few steps towards the door, Indy right at my feet, stepping out and into the living room. The room was dusted with a warm glow from the candles as lightning sparked from the window, and at the coffee table in front of the couch was a phone playing the music.

But it was Edward who held my attention in the center of the room, his jacket off, his white sleeves rolled up to his elbows as his hands rested in his pockets.

"What are you doing?" My voice caught as my heart quickened just under my ribcage.

His lips tugged at the corner, forming a smile as he shrugged. "Come dance with me." He said, low and soft, his green eyes piercing me even with the darkened light. I felt torn, knowing that he was doing this because I was upset, but even in my disappointment, I didn't want this to be about me. My sometimes, over-the-top, and overly emotional personality was a downfall when it came to him because it tended to shadow his more relaxed nature. More often than not, he was the one bringing me back to Earth, even when he deserved the spotlight.

"Edward, you don't have to do this just to make me feel better." I felt the tightness in my throat again but swallowed it. "We can do whatever you want."

"I know you spent a lot of time trying to make sure this night was special," He began. "And what I want for my birthday is to make you happy. And if that means making myself look like a damn fool because I don't know how to dance, then so be it." He pulled his hand from his pocket, extending his arm to me. "Just come over here and let me hold you."

I brought my fingertips to my lips, hesitating while hiding the inevitable smile that formed. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to his selflessness, his ability to take any situation and make it better, despite the circumstances. While I mulled over these thoughts, he was watching me with a certain intensity, a slow grin appearing on his lips. I stepped forward, sliding my fingers across his palm, allowing myself to be engulfed in his warmth. He wasted no time, tugging me to him, our chests pressing together. "I have no clue how to do this; you will have to lead me."

"It's okay." I laughed, gripping his arm and sliding it around my waist. "I'll teach you." His hand had kept moving downward, his palm covering my bottom as my eyes narrowed, directing him back.

"Sorry." He said, giving me a cheeky smile. I chewed on my bottom lip, shaking my head as I moved to grab his other hand, holding it in mine and wrapping my free arm around his neck. "I may step on your toes." He warned.

"Just follow my lead." I made it easy for him, staying in the same spot as our bodies swayed with the soft melody of the music, Indy finding a spot in her dog bed at the corner of the room. The pouring rain pelted against the rooftop, thunder rumbling the glass and giving it a soft beat as our bodies moved closer together. His skin was cast with a warm light that matched his heat, despite still being in his wet clothes. His copper hair was pushed back, as if he had run his fingers through it after being caught in the rainstorm, one auburn tendril falling just at his forehead. I realized that while I was studying him, he watched me, with the same rapt attention.

"What are you thinking about?" I whispered, my fingers skimming the back of his neck.

"A lot of things," He paused, pressing a curl behind my ear. "Mostly how this is the best birthday I've ever had."

I blew out a breath, trying not to roll my eyes. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"I think you don't like to see me upset. You're always trying to fix me." My tone was even as I squeezed him as a silent thank you.

"Is that such a bad thing?" I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I'm not saying it because I think you need to hear it. I'm saying it because it's true." He stopped, leaning down to press his lips to my forehead. "Yeah, it may not have turned out how you wanted it, but that's life. No one has ever tried to celebrate me the way you have. That, itself, is a great gift, though the champagne would have been nice." He smirked as I tugged on his collar, warning him playfully.

"You deserve attention too." My voice was wistful, my grip tightening.

"I didn't realize you weren't giving me attention." He smiled, amused as his tone grew lively. "You were giving me plenty last night. Are you holding back?"

"You know what I mean."

"I'm afraid I don't, Bella."

"You have been …" I swallowed, hard, shaking my head. "You've been with me through everything. Sometimes I feel like I can be too much. I feel like I take up so much and leave nothing for you. You have put things aside to take care of me. I wanted to take care of you."

"Your father died just over a year ago." He stopped me, the words causing me to flinch. "I didn't expect you to get over that so soon. There is a grieving process, you know that."

"I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you," I said, feeling the tears fill. "I wanted you to know that I wouldn't have been able to get through any of this without you." When the first teardrop fell, he caught it quickly, cupping my cheeks.

"I promise you I know." He swore, his tone low. I felt his warmth, his love, and everything he gave me. This wasn't what I had planned – it was far from the course I wanted to go on, but standing there in the middle of the room with him, I realized that nothing could ever replace this moment. And I knew he felt it too, his strong arm wrapping tighter around my waist as his head dipped down, his lips placed between the crook of my neck. He inhaled deeply as I closed my eyes, inviting every inch of him closer.

The soft music began to fade, the room growing silent until we both jumped at the blasting of hard metal music, it even startling Indy to her feet, to which Edward quickly released me, grabbing his phone.

"Stupid fucking music station." He growled under his breath as I couldn't help but laugh, covering my mouth as Edward watched me with fascination, eventually joining me. He stepped to me, pulling me back into his embrace as my arms wrapped around his neck. We swayed for a few moments, one of my hands falling from his neck and to the front of his shirt, tugging on his tie.

"Happy birthday, Edward," I whispered as he watched me. For a moment, we stood together until he had broken the connection and leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against mine, leaving them there.

"Marry me, Bella." He asked against me, his arms tightening around my waist. I didn't move, my mind dissolving as I tried to replay his words, just to make sure I heard him correctly. I pulled back but only made it an inch away, his arm holding me in place so that I couldn't move far.

"Edward – What?" My words were breathy as if I had just run miles. He loosened his grip, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a black velvet box just as he began to sink to his knee. I gripped his shoulders, stopping him mid kneel as he smiled up at me, reaching for one hand, pulling it to him to kiss the inside of my wrist. The movement relaxed me as he sunk all the way down, watching me intensely.

"I had something else planned for another day. I thought about tying the ring around Indy's collar. But, life happens." He said simply with a smile and a shrug as my heart hammered in my chest. "I bought this months ago … been carrying it around for weeks. I think I always knew I wasn't going to follow a plan. I think I knew I would ask when the moment was right."

"But … Your birthday." It was all I could manage to get out.

"I don't think there would be any more of a perfect moment than this. You tell me you want to give me more because you feel it's always me taking care of you. But I don't think you realize how much you take care of me. Not just emotionally but physically. You are literally providing a roof over my head, so I can go to school, so I can provide later on. I'll admit, my manly pride takes a beating for it, but you never make me feel guilty." He paused, swallowing, as if the emotions were bubbling up, ready to spill over. "I've lived a very lonely life, Bella. My parents died, and I spiraled into alcoholism. I recovered, but I was still as empty as before. Except, I didn't even have alcohol to keep me company. It wasn't until I found you that I realized I was living a half-life. And you are so damn forgiving. I will never take that for granted, I swear it."

"Edward …"

"You don't need to give me special attention for insignificant things like my birthday. You don't need to go above and beyond because you think you don't do enough. Being here is enough. Being with me is enough. And I know this night wasn't what you expected, but I swear if you want to make it the best birthday ever, then you will let me put this ring on your damn finger." At that, he opened the black velvet box, revealing the iridescent moonstone gem, surrounded by tiny diamonds that sat on top of a thin silver band. I covered my mouth, the feelings escaping like a dam and overwhelming every inch of me, filling me to the brim with his love that was undeniable. "I fucking love you, Bella. I love what we've built, I love our small family. Spend the rest of your life with me. I swear I will always be here for you like I know you will be for me."

"Yes," I said immediately, not even having to think about it, choking on a happy laugh. "Yes, of course, yes!" His smile pierced me, tears streaming down my cheeks, clenching my chest as he slipped the ring on my finger. I dropped to his level, his arms enveloping me and keeping me steady until Indy made her way to us, nudging her nose in between with a whine until we allowed her to join.

We built this.

It was our small, happy, wonderful family.

November 2019

"What are you still doing here?" Katherine asked from the doorway of her office just as I perked my head, typing in the last few sentences of my edit. I hesitated at her question; she knew I was always here later on Mondays, just from the workload the weekend provided. I met her blue gaze, her short, blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun as she watched me with a blank expression. Katherine was Siobhan's partner at S&K, the other half running the ship I was so grateful to be a part of. "And why are you still doing that?"

"What?"

"You have an assistant for a reason, Bella, so you don't have to sit here working extra hours. They get paid hourly, you don't." Her voice chided me, but I knew she meant well. When I moved to San Francisco, I hadn't been an editorial assistant for long. They bumped me up to a higher editorial position, where I wasn't the one slaving over the rough, first drafts. But, even I remembered what it was like to slum it at the bottom.

"It gets busy on Mondays. Lauren can only handle so much." I told her as she rolled her eyes. I didn't mind getting back into it when it was necessary. The busy work made me feel valued and accomplished, and I knew Lauren appreciated the help. God knows Katherine kept her on her toes just as much as Siobhan did when she was in the office. I didn't extract pleasure from making my assistant work to the bone. Instead, I jumped in when necessary.

"Well, either way, I'm glad you're here. Can you come to my office?" She asked as I nodded, sliding out of my chair and meeting her behind her door. She rounded her desk, gesturing to the spot in front of her as I settled, crossing my legs. "How is everything going?"

"Fine," I told her with a shrug, "We're cranking out more pieces than I anticipated, it's creating a bit more work, but I think you and Siobhan are going to be pleased."

"I have no doubt. But how are you? Are you enjoying your position?" Her tone was curious, a smile playing on her lips, and had it not been for that, I would have panicked. Siobhan was direct, I knew exactly what she was going to say. But Katherine was more reserved, feeling before jumping, sensing the room before giving an opinion.

"I am." It wasn't a lie. Granted, it was taking me longer to climb the ladder, especially with my experience, but I was grateful for this opportunity. I had no problem being in the trenches before making my way up … it was only fair.

"Are you?" She asked, giving me no time to respond. "You know, I wasn't sold on you at first, Bella. Siobhan raved about you, even after you turned down the job of Copy Editor." She said, the words stinging me. Siobhan, while more direct, was sympathetic as to why I left when my mother passed. Katherine, however, believed there was no other form of recovery except throwing yourself back into the ring. "Had it been me, I would have jumped at that opportunity no matter what. Especially getting the position right after college. But, both of my parents are still living, so I don't think I have much room to fault you making the decision you did." I knew Katherine wasn't being cruel, only honest. This small fact shielded me from her harsh words. "Where do you see yourself in five years, Bella? At this job? Do you see yourself as head Editorial Assistant, still doing edits despite not having to?"

"No," I answered. "I see myself writing, publishing my own work."

"And where is this work?"

"Still in here." I pointed to my temple, watching her scowl, but she made no attempt to breach the topic.

"What else do you see?"

"Being Copy Editor," I began. "I know where you stand on my departure, but I promise you it was the best thing for me. If I forced myself to take that job, I would of half-assed it. And Jane did great things."

"She did. She is."

"If you're asking me if I regret turning down the position, I'm going to have to say no. Even if that meant having to start at the bottom again. I don't expect things to be handed to me, and I know you can see from my work that I am dedicated. I have no problem paying my dues." I finished, settling back into the wicker chair. Katherine watched me with a smile, trying to hide it behind her pointer finger as she glanced down to the papers in front of her.

"Do you know that Laurent is leaving?" She asked as I blinked, shaking my head. "He was offered a Book Editor position at Hastings and Co. Honestly, I'm a little miffed he's going to our competitor, but it is what it is. However, it leaves the position of Copy Editor available, and I need to fill it quickly." I gulped noisily, my fingers wringing together in my lap. Again, she was watching me, gauging my reaction.

"Do you have any ideas of who you want?"

"Of course, I do." She waved me off as if it were a silly question. "Like I said, Bella, I wasn't sold on you even when you first came here. I wasn't sure how you would fit. You were quiet at first, only speaking when spoken to when all I wanted were ideas from you. I was ready to throw you out, until that day back in August, when you pitched that addiction column."

I nodded, remembering the day a story had landed in my email. It was an article from a woman who was battling addiction to both alcohol and opioids. She had come from a broken family, very similar to mine, one where her parents were both addicts, something that bled into her childhood. But unlike me, her mother never got out of it. Instead, they pulled her into the dark with them, passing on their misery to her. And when they died, it was all she was left with. Her pain was written so meticulously, I felt like I was there, tasting every sip she took, coming off every high with her. It was gut-wrenching, painful, and opened wounds I had spent so much time closing.

That's why I knew it was the best thing I had read in years. My team was hesitant to help publish; the topic still very taboo. But that didn't stop me. I pushed and pushed, making my way to this very office, staking my claim as to why it was important to shed light on the subject. It was a cruel disease, one that many turned their noses away from, myself included. But the words the author wrote gave a perspective that not many people could see.

And when Katherine and the rest of the team put their trust in me, it didn't disappoint.

"That article was a hit. I mean, the damn New York Post picked up on it, and it was because of you, Bella." Her voice raised as she stood from her chair. "And that is why you shouldn't busy yourself with menial work like what you were doing out there. That is what Siobhan saw in you, even if at first, I didn't. And that is why I am offering you the Copy Editor position."

"What?" I breathed, feeling my stomach twist as if I didn't hear her right.

"It's yours, and I am not taking no for an answer. Not this time. You are exactly what we need." Her words were unbroken, her trust in me filling me to the brim as I let out an unsteady laugh before it burst into a full-on squeal. I rounded the desk as she lifted her hand to me, but I ignored it, pulling her into a hug even if she was as stiff as a board. "Okay, okay. You know I'm not mushy like my partner."

"I'm sorry." I breathed, pulling away as I felt my cheeks burn.

"It's fine. Congratulations, Bella, it is well deserved. But I expect you to harden up. You'll have many direct reports, and I don't want you doing their work for them. Don't let your generosity stifle you." She warned, but I shook my head, knowing it actually did quite the opposite. When I left her office, she all but pushed me out the door, telling me not to waste another second here and to go off and celebrate, to take even the next day off if I was too hungover.

High on happiness, I called Edward immediately to gush about the news. His pride swelled inside of me, bringing tears to my eyes as he promised to use tonight as a celebration to praise his girl. I would have never imagined that my broken past would have somehow brought me to a full-circle moment. As troubled as my childhood was, I silently thanked it for bringing me clarity all these years later and using it in my favor.

December 2019

"All right, let me see it!" Alice demanded as we released from our hug just at the entrance of St. Ignatius Church. I reached my left hand forward, allowing both Alice and Esme to look at my engagement ring, the two swooning over it as my chest swelled with happiness. "It's perfect! He really nailed it, even without my help. You know I offered to fly down."

"That's probably because you would have made him buy a two-carat diamond ring," Jasper interjected from her side as she cut her eyes at him. "And you know that's not Bella's style." He was right, it wasn't my style. The ring was simple and minimalist. The main attraction wasn't even a diamond. It was exactly me, which is why I loved Edward even more for knowing what I would like.

"Bella, I am so happy for you two," Esme cried, the first of many tears as she enveloped me in a hug, kissing the side of my head.

"We should probably find our seats; the ceremony will be starting soon," Carlisle said, leading us to the open doors of the church. We walked together into the main area, where Edward's graduation ceremony was being held. The room was beautiful, coating in cream colors with pillars on either side of the benches. The front of the room was on a stage where a banner of the school colors hung, announcing the ceremony.

As we found our seats, I thought back to this morning, watching Edward from the bed as he dressed in a white button-up with a skinny, navy tie. He tried to tame his hair, even after I had warned him multiple times in the last week that he needed a trim. He kept it tousled, and he was still the most handsome man I had ever seen. He caught me staring from the mirror, cautioning me to stop looking at him like that, or he would be late to his own graduation. I teased him, slipping the sheet halfway off my naked body, reminding him of our activities from the night before. He only halfway conceded, not wanting to deal with taking his clothes off, but pulled me to edge of the bed where he kneeled and lavished me to the point of multiple orgasms just with his tongue and fingers. He whispered a promise to expect more later when we returned home and left with his graduation cap and gown.

The original plan was for Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper to stop by our apartment and pick me up so we could travel together. But, shortly after Edward left, I made myself a small breakfast of eggs and toast, only to stop mid-bite, dropping the contents from my mouth as if it were on fire. I could feel my stomach turning, the few bites I had swallowed betraying me to the point that I flew off the couch and ended on the floor of the bathroom, heaving into the toilet. When there was nothing left in my stomach, I stayed on the linoleum floor, allowing it to cool my skin as Indy slipped down next to me, licking my cheek.

I had texted Alice and told them I would meet them there, sparing the details as to why I was changing the plans. After a hot shower and a thorough scrub of my teeth, I got dressed in a yellow sundress with tan strapped heels, as it was unusually warm in San Francisco for December. I said goodbye to Indy and took the cable car down to the church, where I met them just at the front.

Alice had bumped me with her shoulder, pulling me from my trance. I looked at my friend and smiled. "When do you think the wedding will be?" She asked.

"We haven't really talked about it. Maybe next year?" I shrugged. "Right now, we're just enjoying being engaged."

"If you plan for next year, make sure you don't do it in the springtime. Rosalie will kill you if you try to outshine her and Emmett's wedding." Alice warned with a smirk as I nodded in understanding, knowing not to cross Rosalie and her big day. We hadn't spoken much, except during Thanksgiving last year, when Edward and I returned to Forks. Emmett had already proposed, and their plan was to get married this past summer. It didn't happen when Rosalie became pregnant, which was why they were not in attendance today as they gave birth just three weeks ago.

"How are they and the baby?" I asked, an absentminded thought itching at the back of my mind when I remembered my odd and sudden sickness this morning.

"They are so good. Emmett is a great father, and Rosalie has even softened a bit," Alice paused, looking at me as I arched an eyebrow. "Soft for Rosalie is still as hard as stone, but motherhood definitely agrees with her."

I hadn't noticed that my palm was resting on my stomach, and when I did, I quickly moved it from my belly to my lap. Yes, the sickness this morning was odd, but I was on the pill. I tried to rationalize with myself, not jump to conclusions, but I couldn't help a sudden feeling of fear pass through me. I had been feeling more tired than normal, and my appetite seemed to increase, up until this morning.

What if I was pregnant? What if I was one of those women who, through a freak accident, was able to conceive while on birth control?

I felt my heart begin to race, a side effect of the anxiety that built up inside of me. Edward and I haven't talked about children, we were barely even engaged. And even if we had, I didn't know if it was something I wanted. The fear of my own childhood ran rampant in my mind. The parent figures I had, while I loved them, were not the best role models. What if I didn't know how to parent because of that? What if I failed my own child?

"I can't wait for you guys to meet Ben when you come home for Christmas." Alice interrupted my apprehension, and I tried to steady myself. "He's the cutest little thing, I about jump Jasper anytime we get home after seeing him. Talk about baby fever."

I forced a laugh, swallowing the lump in my throat as I scolded myself for becoming overwhelmed at something I didn't even know was true. Luckily, before Alice could see my change in mood, the lights had dimmed, and music began to play as graduates walked out from the doors behind. I scanned the black robes, desperately trying to find Edward, knowing that just one look would calm me. I was not disappointed. I caught his crimson hair sneaking out of his black cap as I begged him silently to look at me. As if he knew, he was searching too, finding me within seconds and giving me his signature smile, the same that made my heart quicken every time.

I loved him so much, I ached. But it was a good ache. It replaced the fear that grew inside of me. And when he passed, finding his seat with the rest of the graduates, it was enough to hold me over until I could have him in my arms.

We sat for a while, listening to speeches and congratulations until they began to call out names. I could feel the emotions bubbling inside of me, and when they called Edward, I immediately stood and clapped, ignoring the flood of tears that left me. He walked across the stage, shaking the dean's hand and receiving his diploma. He found me again in the crowd and winked as I mouthed the words, I love you.

After the ceremony, we found Edward outside where the rest of the graduates were with their families. Carlisle and Esme got to him first. Esme had already been crying, but it was Carlisle who surprised us all. They were whispering to each other until Carlisle brought him in for a hug. When Alice was next, I watched as Carlisle turned to Esme, who reached up and wiped at his tears.

Even though he hid it well, Edward seemed frustrated that he hadn't gotten to me yet, but when we found each other, I could feel him immediately relax as he lifted me in his arms, squeezing me tightly. I was crying again, sniffling as he sat me down.

"I'm so proud of you," I told him, holding his cheeks in my hands. "I love you so much."

"I would not have been able to do this without you," His tone was hard and unmoving, the seriousness of it sending more tears to my eyes. "Thank you for supporting me. And please don't cry." He smiled, wiping them away.

"They are happy tears," I promised as we kissed chastely before turning back to his family, which I realized would soon be mine.

xx

As Christmas neared, Edward and I started our travels back to Forks to spend the holiday with his family. We hired a sitter to stay with Indy while we were gone, even though I tried to convince Edward to drive instead of fly so we could bring her with us. After a failed attempt to change our plans, we arrived in the evening to Carlisle and Esme, who treated us to a home-cooked meal as they probed Edward about his new position from intern to Certified Social Worker. His boss was eager to promote him, only waiting until he graduated and then immediately put him in the field, having him focus on at-risk youths.

"I haven't really jumped into it yet, I've got a few things I'm working on, nothing hugely important, just clerical things." He told Carlisle, who asked about his cases. He downplayed his hard work, chalking up his successes to everyone else rather than himself. I knew he was grateful for his support systems for me, but he never took a moment to be selfishly prideful, even though he deserved it. He had put in time and effort, hours getting unpaid and even more in a classroom.

"He's getting his first case when he gets back," I interrupted, looking to Carlisle and Esme. "And it's not just some clerical thing, it's an actual case involving two siblings, both under the age of ten, who were left behind by their parents."

"That's just heartbreaking." Esme stirred, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. "How could a parent do that?"

"I don't dabble a lot in social work, but I know more than normal from being at the hospital. People leave their kids there all the time if you can believe it. I don't see it much in Forks, but I did when I completed my residency in Seattle." Carlisle paused, looking to Edward. "I also know that, from the sounds of it, it's a big case. And for you to get that as your first, they must believe in you." Carlisle's tone was glowing. I watched their small exchange, feeling myself warm over their bond. Carlisle clearly viewed Edward more than just his nephew, but as his son, and Edward thought of Carlisle as a father more than his own.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want any wine?" Esme asked as she tipped a bottle of Merlot into her glass. Quickly, I shook my head, drumming out a response, blaming my fatigue from the flight. No one seemed to question me, but I did catch a quick look from Carlisle, one that made me fidget in my chair. Quickly, I excused myself, and calmly walked to the bathroom, locking myself in as I rested my back against the door.

While there was still no test to confirm, I knew I was pregnant.

I felt the physical changes in my body, the tiredness, the soreness in my breasts, the constant morning sickness that didn't seem to leave me alone, no matter what I tried. And it wasn't just in the morning. If I even caught a whiff of meat, it would send me running to the bathroom. I was thankful when Esme cooked pasta with pesto, but even that seemed to twist my stomach. I was taking naps whenever I could and sleeping in on the weekends until the afternoon, even when Edward questioned me. Just last week he had caught me jumping from the bed mid-nap and darting to the bathroom as I disposed of the macaroni salad I had eaten earlier. I blamed it on bad takeout and hid my secret from him.

I wasn't trying to keep him out, but I hadn't found the courage to take a test, and I didn't want to add to his stress, not after he had just graduated and started his position. I compromised with myself, waiting until my period, which was scheduled the second to last week of December, which had come and gone.

Despite our openness, I found it difficult to approach this subject with him, unsure of his reaction. Would he be happy? Scared? Angry? We both had addiction running through our veins, from himself to my parents – what would we pass on to our child? Anytime I went to say something, the thoughts barged in, halting me. I found it on the tip of my tongue on more than one occasion, before we left as we sat on the couch watching TV with Indy, on the plane, even the three-hour drive from Seattle to Forks. But each time I was stopped by my own insecurities and fear.

Pulling myself from the door, I stood in front of the mirror that hung above the sink. I stared, my head tilting as my palm rested just as the top of my abdominals, under my breasts. I bunched my shirt in my fingers, tugging it to expose my navel and pale skin. I turned to the side, my free hand skimming, touching the smoothness of my belly, completely flat. I swallowed, imagining what it would be like with a budding stomach, trying to imagine the shape of it. I was holding back tears, blinking them away, overwhelmed by a secret I wasn't even sure was true. I dropped my shirt, cupping water from the faucet in my palms before drenching the back of my neck that had spiked with heat. After allowing myself a few minutes to breathe, I snuck my way out of the bathroom, finding the dining room empty, voices carrying from the foyer.

"Look at this graduate!" Emmett roared, pulling Edward into a hug as I entered the room. "Congratulations, brother. Glad you finally let go of that bar."

"I still own it, Emmett," Edward growled, moving his arm away. "I just have Riley running it."

"Whatever, at least you are out of it. Bella!" Emmett moved in my direction, scooping me in his arms like it was nothing and twirling me in a circle. He wasn't rough, but I felt my stomach churn as I bit back the need to vomit, making no attempt to stop him, trying my best to stay as normal as possible.

"Jesus, Emmett, put her down!" Edward growled as Emmett dropped me, placing a fat kiss to my cheek as my hand settled on my stomach, urging it to relax.

"I see fatherhood has not calmed you," I joked, forcing a smile as I focused on his big, hazel eyes and distracting myself from the dizziness that warped my vision. Emmett had moved just as Rosalie entered behind him, a baby carrier in her hand as she glanced between the two of us.

"Hell no, I'm running consistently on two hours of sleep and Red Bulls. I've got all the energy in the world." He smirked, bumping his chest with his fist as Esme and Carlisle made their way directly towards the baby.

"Enough already, I want to see my grandson!" Esme cooed, moving to Rosalie and placing a kiss on her cheek before unbuckling the newborn and pulling him into her arms. I was astonished at first, never really being around babies enough to even understand how small they really were when they are born. Baby Ben curled up in his grandmother's arms as she took him to the living room and sat down on the chair, rocking him back and forth. Instinctively, I followed her, feeling my heart melt at the sight of him. He was fast asleep, his features soft as he was swaddled in a green blanket, oblivious to what was going on outside of his dreams. He had little to no hair, but his nose was almost a replica of Emmett's, his hands covered in mittens just before Esme plucked them, his tiny fingers curling. I was entranced by him, watching every movement he made from over Esme's shoulder.

"You want one?" A voice asked behind me, and I turned to see Rosalie. I was unprepared for her question, nervous that somehow, she saw through me and knew I was pregnant. But, her features were light, and I wondered if this was the softness that Alice had been referring to. "You can take him whenever you want. I'm lacking on my beauty rest."

I laughed, looking back down to the baby. "He is beautiful."

"I know. He's half of me." She smiled, reaching down to stroke the top of his head. When she turned her attention back to me, she tilted her head to the side, indicating for me to follow her. Rosalie escorted me away from the baby as the rest of the family doted over him. We walked into the kitchen together where she poured herself a glass of water. It felt strange, being alone with her, the last time that happened was in this very kitchen when I confronted her on how she was treating Edward. "Listen, I know you and I aren't exactly the closest. Having Ben has changed me, and I look back at how I've treated people, including you and Edward. He will be my family soon, which means you will be too. So, any bad blood, let's get it out now."

I was shocked by her speech but felt a sense in relief of her wanting to clear the air, even though there was almost nothing to clear. "Rosalie, there is no bad blood between you and me. If there was, it was because I was trying to protect Edward."

"I plan on having a conversation with him while we're here. I blamed him a lot for Tanya, but she is finally doing better, with the help of him. I'm letting that go. I can't hold on to it anymore, not when there are more important things to be spending my time with." She finished.

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that. You know he never meant for it to get as bad as it did."

"I know."

"I'm glad to hear she is doing better. Do you still keep in touch?" I asked.

"Only occasionally through email. She lives upstate, enrolled in some college courses, and is actually dating someone." She told me as I smiled, knowing that Edward had a part in her recovery. He helped her, even if she didn't deserve it, but did it out of the kindness of his heart because that's who he was.

He will make a great father.

The thought warmed me, and I was lost in my mind until Rosalie brought me back down to reality.

"How are you doing?" She asked, and I knew she was indicating to Charlie. We hadn't spoken much about it, the topic too personal for her to engage in.

"I'm okay. The first year was rough, but since getting past the anniversary, it's easier."

"It was the same with my father and me, you know. Not the circumstances, but the healing. He died from lung disease a few years ago. We weren't close, but it was still hard. So, I share your pain." She finished, empathizing with me. I nodded just as she finished her glass of water, our sentimental conversation ending immediately. "I hope we can be friends, Bella."

"We are," I told her, seeing her visibly relax. We didn't hug or cry, it wasn't necessary. Instead, we wrapped up our conversation, talking about the baby until she realized the time, telling me she had to feed him. She led the way out, back into the living room, me right behind her. I halted at the sight in front of me, seeing Edward on the couch with Ben in his arms. I had never seen him interact with children, let alone a newborn, but Ben was wide awake, staring up at his uncle in amazement. I felt my heart stutter, seeing Edward's smile as he whispered to his nephew, emitting a toothless grin from him.

"He hasn't even done that for me!" Emmett groaned as Carlisle and laughed behind them. "What the hell, I'm his father."

"What can I say? Kids love me." Edward shrugged, looking back to his nephew, who cooed at him.

Suddenly, the words were at the tip of my tongue again. I had to swallow them quickly, in fear of blurting them out in front of everyone. But seeing Edward with Ben had doused my anxiety, cast my fear away, and made me realize that if I was pregnant, we would be okay. Edward would be happy, and he would support me. He would love our child so much, and they would never know what it was like to be alone or forgotten. I gripped my stomach, rubbing it, hoping that there was, in fact, a little baby in there.

Later that night, Edward and I prepared for bed in the guest room as I slipped into a tank top and shorts, Edward in just his plaid pajama pants. He was working on a few emails from his laptop, immersed in his work the night before Christmas Eve, as I lay on my side, looking up to him.

"Rosalie apologized to me today," I said, watching as he looked down at me.

"She caught me before they left." He responded. "I don't know if Ben changed things or if Emmett finally tamed her." He joked as I smirked, shrugging my shoulders.

"Probably a little of both. What did she say to you?"

"She told me she was sorry for how she treated me, and she didn't want to fight anymore."

"Did she mention Tanya?"

"She did." He said.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"I'm happy for her. Even though our relationship ended badly, I never wanted her to have the life she was living. She's finally doing better, which is what I wanted." He told me, looking back down to his laptop.

"It wouldn't have been possible without you," I told him honestly.

"That's not true," He shook his head, directing his attention back to me. "Had you not been there that morning she showed up with James, I would have thrown them out. Do you remember what you told me? You told me to listen to her. You are the one who encouraged me to help. If it weren't for you, she might still be in the streets of Seattle, or worse."

"I think you would have done it even if I wasn't there," I argued.

Edward laughed, closing his laptop and setting it to his bedside table. He turned in my direction, his fingers running along my cheek as he smiled, pressing his lips to the tip of my nose. "I appreciate your faith in me, but I don't think I would have. I was hell-bent on keeping her out of my life, especially with you in it. I thought she would try and ruin everything for me. And when she showed up with James, it was even worse. You saved her, Bella. Not me."

"Agree to disagree," I smiled, reaching forward to press my lips to the corner of his. "I don't think I've ever seen you with a baby before," I whispered, moving a strand of crimson from his face.

"I'm not around them often." He replied.

"I think Ben took a liking to you."

"Babies usually do. I don't know why."

"It's got to be your natural charisma." I joked just as he leaned in, kissing me. "I liked the way it looked."

"Yeah?" He asked as I nodded. He reached for me, gripping my hips and pulling me forward and onto his lap, my knees on either side of him. He sat up, pressing his lips to my jawline, adoring every inch of it as my stomach flipped with anticipation. He grabbed my left arm, starting at my inner elbow and kissing down to my palm and then my finger, just underneath my engagement ring. I knew his intent could feel his arousal through my flimsy pajama shorts, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. He was wrapping me up, but I couldn't allow him to consume me, not when I needed to tell him something so important.

"Do you want kids?" I asked hesitantly, feeling his kissing stop. He pulled away and looked at me as if he were confused by my question. "Babies?" I clarified out of nerves, even though I knew he understood what I was asking.

"With you? Absolutely." He breathed, warming my insides. He moved back towards me, pressing his lips to mine. "When the time is right, I can see us chasing tiny versions of ourselves around the house with Indy." He smiled into my lips, and I couldn't help but reflect it.

"And our pasts don't scare you?" I questioned, to which he pulled back away. "Our parents? Addiction?"

"Are you scared about that?" He asked as I stayed silent, feeling my throat tighten as I swallowed.

"We didn't have the best role models, and addiction can be genetic," I said, biting my lower lip. Edward caught it with his thumb, reaching forward to place a gentle kiss to me.

"Yes, some odds are stacked against us. But I don't think they will be issues. Both of our parents had problems, but we can overcome those. I am in recovery and have been for years. And when we do decide to have children, we can use the mistakes of our pasts as lessons." His voice was even and calm, once again relaxing me and my worries. He cupped my cheek, his lips dragging from my own back down to my jawline and then soon my neck. "Let's not worry about this now. But we can do some practicing." He said suggestively, his hands dropping to my hips, grinding into him as I let out a soft moan.

Our lips found each other again, my hands reaching for his hair as my fingers ran through them, tangling between crimson locks as he pulled the straps of my tank top down, cupping my breast that was sensitive to the touch.

"I don't think we have to practice." I breathed against him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, hovering his lips over mine.

"I think I'm pregnant." My voice was hesitant, my body stilling at his reaction. All motions stopped, his hand pausing at my breast as his lips went stiff against mine. Slowly, he pulled back, looking at me intently as if he were trying to comprehend the words I had just said.

"What?" He asked through a breath.

Anxiety strangled me, the look of fear in his eyes, making me nauseous as I tried to formulate my response, my tongue stuck until it fumbled out quickly. "I think I'm pregnant. I don't know for sure, but I've been having a lot of morning sickness, I'm tired all the time, my breasts are sore, and I missed my period."

"How long has this been going on?" He asked after a long pause.

"Since your graduation." My voice was quiet, watching him.

"And you are just now telling me?"

"I didn't know for sure. I wanted to wait to see if I missed my period." I said as he moved me from his lap, his facial expression unreadable. Silence overcame the room as I sat back on my knees, watching him stare blankly at the wall in front of us. I could hear my own heart beating, my lips trembling as I went to say something but the moment I did, he stood, grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt from our suitcase. I felt like I was going to hurl, right over the side of the bed, the anxiety strangling me as I begged him with my eyes to say something. To say anything.

"What are you doing?" I asked when the silence was too much, biting my thumbnail.

"I'm going to the store to get you a pregnancy test."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"Are you angry?" I asked as he headed for the door. He stopped and looked back to me, taking several strides in my direction until he landed his hands onto my cheeks, pulling me in for a kiss. He was passionate, pouring every ounce of love he could as he held the back of my head, helping tilt it up to give him more access. When he pulled away, he spared me a smile, kissing my forehead.

"Absolutely not. But we need to know for sure."

With that, Edward left.

I felt significantly better, his declaration calming me, but I was still on edge, the unknown making me worried. I waited for his return in the bedroom, and thirty minutes later, he appeared with a paper bag in his hand. He ushered me to the joining bathroom, unveiling the three different tests he bought. I rolled my eyes at him, but he only shrugged, telling me he wanted to make sure it's accurate. When all three tests were completed, we waited the agonizing two minutes together in each other's arms. We stayed silent through the longest one hundred and twenty seconds, clutching onto each other as if communicating without words. He stroked my hair, kissing the top of my head to indicate that the minutes had passed. I moved from him, looking down at the counter near the sink to read two tests with two pink lines and the other with the word pregnant.

I turned back to him, my eyes welling with tears as I slowly nodded my head.

He was frozen at first until he moved to check for himself, reading all three before looking down at me, suddenly pulling me into his arms. He kissed me wildly, and when we pulled away, I could see his own tears. Tears of happiness.

We were going to have a baby.

January 2020

EPOV

I sat on the opposite side of the room in the doctor's office, watching as Bella began to strip, grabbing the paper dress and placing it over herself, it swallowing her still slim figure. She came to me, turning and asking for me to tie it. I stood up, grabbing the strings and tying both sets before placing a kiss to the back of her shoulder. She whizzed around, her eyes heated but holding warning.

"Not here." She said simply.

"What?" I couldn't help my impish smirk, knowing full well what I was doing. I couldn't help it. Had anyone asked me a year ago if I thought I would be sitting in a doctor's office, waiting for the ultrasound of my first child, I would have laughed at them. But here I was, with her. With the love of my life, my fiancée, the mother of my child. I was in awe of her, and now that she was carrying my baby, I couldn't seem to get enough. Perhaps I was being a Neanderthal, my instincts to protect and claim, but, I knew it was much more than that.

"Are you nervous?" She asked from the plush table she sat on, watching me wander in my thoughts.

"Are you?" I asked as she nodded. I stood again, moving to her and grabbing her hand. "What are you nervous about?"

"What if it was a false positive?" She asked hesitantly.

"Bella, you took three tests," I said with a laugh as she nodded, still unconvinced. I reached over and kissed her temple, running my fingers through her long, wavy, chestnut hair. For a moment, a pictured a little girl with the same hair and big brown eyes, a small replica of the woman I loved. My chest swelled, but I focused my attention back on her as she tapped her thumb along the side of the bed, my hand reaching down to silence her. With my free hand, I reached up, rubbing her back to ease her. "If all three were false positives, even despite your symptoms, then we can talk about the next steps. If we want to wait or if we want to start trying."

Bella looked at me with her deep eyes, worry still lining around them. She was always outspoken and confident; those were some of the reasons I fell in love with her. But it seemed that motherhood, at least the beginning of this pregnancy, rattled her. She mentioned her hesitation of her past and mine. She was worried about addiction being genetically passed to our child and her ability to care for one because of how she grew up. She had no faith in herself, but I was determined to have it for the both of us, to lift her up and instill the confidence I knew was there.

A knock on the door cut our conversation short, and an older woman with dark hair and a white coat walked in. "Hi there, Bella."

"Hi Dr. Carmen, this is my fiancée, Edward," Bella said as Dr. Carmen and I both reached our hands out, shaking.

"Nice to meet you, Edward." She said with a smile as I nodded in agreeance. Standing next to Bella with my hand in hers, Dr. Carmen found the rolling stool and sat across from us. "Well, Bella, based off the urine sample you gave, you are most definitely pregnant." I could feel Bella visibly relax, her head turning to look at me with a watery smile. I reached down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, feeling relief myself. "And based on the information you have given me and when your last menstrual cycle was, I would place you at about six to seven weeks."

"Really?" I interrupted. "That far along?"

"In the grand scheme of things, that's really not that far. So, it is perfectly normal that you just started showing symptoms. What I'd like to do today is get an ultrasound done, see if we can see a heartbeat. It may still be a little too early, but we could get lucky." She smiled, standing from her seat. "Congratulations to you both, I'm going to go grab the gear, and I'll be back."

"Thank you, Dr. Carmen," Bella said, looking to me just before I enveloped her in my arms, kissing the top of her head. "I can't believe it." She cried, clutching onto my shirt.

I pulled her away, wiping at her tears. "Are you happy?" I asked. She nodded quickly, her smile warm. I felt it inside of me, in my fucking soul, and I couldn't help but reach down and kiss her again.

"So happy. I didn't expect this, but now that it's happening, I'm so excited to do this with you." She whispered, more tears in her eyes.

"I love you." I looked at her as if she was the only one in the world, and to me, she was. She and our baby that she was carrying. I would do anything for both of them, love them, protect them, empower them. I would be lying if I didn't say the thought of being a father scared the shit out of me, but now that it was here, I never wanted to let the feeling go.

"I love you." She whispered back against my lips. We waited for a few more minutes until the technicians, and the doctor came back, prompting Bella to lie down as the lights went off.

"What we will be doing today is a transvaginal ultrasound. Because you are at six-seven weeks, this is the clearest way for us to get a picture of your baby," Dr. Carmen said, going through and showing us what she would be doing. They placed a towel over her bottom half just as her feet went into the stirrups. Dr. Carmen warned Bella that she was getting ready to place the probe, but Bella didn't even flinch; unlike me, her eyes too busy scanning the monitor next to us. A black and white picture came to life, the room silent for several minutes as I tried to decipher the Rorschach inkblot inside of Bella's uterus.

"Okay, do you see this?" Dr. Carmen pointed to a light circle on the screen. "This is the gestation sac inside of your uterus, and your baby is just a tiny embryo in there. And that," She stopped, pointing to a smaller circle, moving in rhythm like a beating drum. "… Is your baby's heart."

"It is?" Bella's voice cracked as Dr. Carmen nodded. She laid her head back down, her smile bright as I continued to watch the heartbeat, over and over again, my own seeming to time with it. That was my baby. Our baby.

The last few days had been a whirlwind, from the moment she told me she thought she was pregnant, to sitting here and seeing it live on the monitor. Now that it was real, everything slowed. I was going to be a father. I felt my chest warm, my eyes misting as I brought her hand back up to my lips, pressing and holding them to her knuckles, just above her engagement ring.

"Based off this ultrasound, your baby has a strong heartbeat. I would say you are at seven weeks, which would place your due date mid-August. Specifically, August 16th. I'm going to go print this, and give you two a moment alone." Dr. Carmen smiled again, leaving the room with her technicians. This time, it was me who was crying, and I quickly wiped at my tears, feeling her hands on my cheek.

"We are going to be parents." Her voice was above a whisper, but I could hear her excitement. We didn't stop the tears, our foreheads resting together as we savored the moment.

March 2020

I woke with a moan, my eyes blurry as they adjusted to the dark, my breathing labored as if I were in pain. But it was quite the opposite. I felt hot, fanning myself with my hand as I tried to recover from my dream. I had been showering in our old apartment, rinsing the conditioner out of my hair as I lathered up soap in my hands. I was startled by the shower door opening, revealing a very naked Edward. The dream had quickly turned into my very own fantasy as he jumped in with me, touching and tasting me before he took me against the shower wall, the steam mixing with our rising temperatures causing me to wake just before I reached my tipping point.

This wasn't an abnormal occurrence. Not since my pregnancy. Dr. Carmen had told me that my hormones would be up and down and usually more in the mood than normal. And she wasn't wrong. I couldn't seem to keep my hands off Edward, demanding sex the moment he walked in the door from work or coaxing him back to the house during our lunch hour. I was a fiend, wanting him every second I could, and he seemed to comply happily.

This dream did nothing to douse my arousal, and I turned, naked, to only find an empty and cold bed. I was disappointed, clutching at the sheets as I stood, holding my budding stomach as I crossed the room, grabbing my silk robe from the closet door.

My movements had woken Indigo, who had been sleeping soundly in her corner. She went to rise, but I met her by her bed, calming her by scratching behind her ears. My girl was no longer a puppy, nearly eighty pounds and more protective than Edward and I ever thought she would be. I knew she could sense my pregnancy, it was evident by the way she stayed close to me, following me wherever I went. I knew she loved the both of us, but before my pregnancy, she was partial to Edward. Maybe it was their runs together, or that he was home more frequently now that he was out of school, but they were attached at the hip. Everything changed when I became pregnant. She was my shadow, attentive and gentle, resting her head on my stomach whenever she could as she watched me with her blue eyes. My protector, my first baby.

"Stay," I told her as I stood and made my way to the door, despite her whines. When I left the bedroom, I walked down the hallway, stopping just short of Edward's office. Secretly, I was envious of this room. It seemed to occupy his time, leaving less for me. We had finally moved out of our one-bedroom apartment and bought a house still within the city, but in a better area with a highly rated school district. That was important to Edward, who did his research before we purchased. With the new house came three new rooms in addition to ours. One for our baby, another for guests, and one last one as an office for him.

I should have been happy; he finally had a place to do his work instead of in our bed. He occasionally worked from home, driving me to my office as he no longer wanted me to use public transportation. There is no need, we have a car, and I'd prefer it if I took you. A once carefree Edward had now become overprotective since we found out our pregnancy. It was endearing, really. Sometimes overbearing, but his heart was in the right place.

I heard him on the phone, speaking to his boss as they talked logistics of a case they were working on involving several teenagers in a foster home. Quietly, I opened the door, sticking my head through as I watched him type on his computer, his head leaning to hold his cell phone between his ear and shoulder. He didn't notice me, not until I pushed the door open with my fingertips, it creaking to life and widening just as his head snapped up and he mouthed on the phone.

I rolled my eyes at him and walked in, admiring the new decorations in his office. He had placed several bookcases around the room, stacked from top to bottom. Little trinkets and pictures of us framed his modern desk. I was just at his left side, waiting patiently as he continued to look between his screen and me.

"I can get the paperwork to you tonight, if you can sign, then we can go forward to the foster …" He paused as my finger plucked the tie around my waist, unfurling to cascade the robe open, revealing my naked body. His eyes were heated as he lost his words, his boss repeatedly saying his name until Edward snapped back, flustered. "That … We can go f-forward to the foster and investigate … Shit …"

Edward hissed as I moved in front of him, straddling his waist. A part of me felt bad for interrupting his work, but the bigger part of me felt empowered, satisfied that I could render him speechless. I grabbed his hand, bringing it up to grab my breast, my palm resting against the back of his hand as I encouraged him to squeeze. "John, listen, I have to go … I know, I'm sorry … I'll call you back in fifteen minutes," He said as I raised a brow, my eyes blazing. "Give me an hour."

I smiled as he hung up the phone, immediately going to my neck, lavishing it with hot, open-mouth kisses. I squealed my delight, panting as my hand gripped the back of his neck, encouraging him to move lower.

"Are you trying to get me fired?" He whispered against my skin just before reaching the mounds of my breasts, his hand pulling my right one up before his lips found my nipple, cherishing it with his tongue. My mouth slacked open as I moved against his groin, feeling his arousal.

"If it gets you to bed earlier," I said, coaxing his head to tilt up so we could share a kiss. "I woke up from a very hot dream, and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry, this case is huge. And also – how hot?"

"It was in the shower," I breathed against his lips. "Do you remember that time? When we were in Forks?" It was the only time we had shower sex. He wouldn't even entertain the idea now that I was pregnant, telling me that too many accidents can happen, and he wasn't going to risk the baby. I was warmed by his protective nature, but also a little miffed at his hesitation.

"Yes," He growled. "You know where I stand on that." His hand came out, protectively cradling my stomach. I smiled against his jawline, nodding my head.

"I know. But, it was still a nice dream." I mused.

"I bet I could make you forget it," His voice was low, sending chills down my spine as I moaned my approval. Soon, he was removing my robe completely as I worked hastily at his clothes, unbuttoning his dress shirt and working quickly at his belt buckle. He picked me up, causing me to squeal as he sat me down on the cold surface of the desk. His body covered me, warmed me, and he wasted no time removing his boxer-briefs, leaning forward as his arm reached up, holding his desk for leverage.

"You've got me all worked up. I'm afraid this will be quick." He warned.

I panted, my body nearly convulsing as I nodded my head. "I need you. Right now." I demanded, watching his eyes flash as I felt him push, entering me. The moment he was inside, I felt whole. I choked out a groan, gripping his backside as he began to rock, the frame of us I had gifted him at Christmas two years ago falling from the movement as his pace quickened. He was kissing me, adoring my neck and down the slope to my collar bone, his breathing quickening.

Every motion was incredible, every push and pull like everything I ever wanted wrapped together. We moaned together, my climax coming quickly as my head rolled back, savoring the moment. It was exactly what I needed. But he wasn't done, and he picked me up again, carrying us to the accent chair in the corner of the room where he sat and I moved back into the straddling position. I was sensitive, but the way he looked at me enflamed me once again, and soon, I found myself controlling the pace as he lay back, enjoying, one hand on my breast and the other over my stomach. I kissed him with passion, telling him through my actions that I loved him, and he reciprocated. He gripped my hips, urging me to move faster, and soon, I was climbing to my second orgasm, tethering myself to him as he chased after me, growling my name into my shoulder.

We stayed connected, regulating our breathing on the chair as my head rested against his shoulder, feeling his fingers splayed across my back.

"Funny … I can't even remember my dream now," I giggled, feeling his chest move from laughter.

"Good. And I'm not done with you yet. We still have forty-five minutes until I have to call my boss back, and I plan to use those minutes wisely." He said in challenge, lifting me and carrying me to our bedroom.

xx

"Edward?" I whispered, in the darkened night, reaching over Indy, who had moved herself between us, sprawled across the bed as I touched his shoulder. He woke instantly, turning his body to me, his hand protectively reaching down to my stomach.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He was blinking sleep away, and for a moment, I felt guilty for waking him, but I just couldn't hold myself any longer.

"I'm so sorry I woke you … But I need something."

"What?"

"I need an M&M McFlurry," I said softly, biting my lip. He blinked a few more times, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms before looking to the clock on our bedside table. When he turned back to me, I scrunched my nose, knowing it was nearing three in the morning.

"You need one right now?" He asked.

"I don't think I can sleep without it. And none of the apps are delivering, I tried." Modern technology was a beautiful thing, but not so much in the middle of the night when the ravenous baby inside of me demanded food. At our movements, Indy had stirred, reaching her snout forward to kiss Edward right on his chin, as if to plead for me. "The McDonald's on Fillmore is twenty-four seven."

Edward pushed her away, scrubbing at his eyes. "We have ice cream in the fridge, will that not work?" He asked, his voice pleading as I shook my head, grabbing hold of our first baby and bringing her close to me.

"I can go myself, I just wanted you to know before I left. I'll even take Indy for the ride."

At the word ride, Indy had jumped from her spot as she began to bark, tail wagging as she bounded forward to the end of the bed, jostling us. Edward gave me a glare as I bit down on my lip, knowing better than to use that word around a dog who loved nothing more than to sit in the backseat with her head stuck out of the window.

"Absolutely not." His tone turned serious as he grabbed Indy's collar, holding her still, willing her to relax. I sat back on my knees, stifling a laugh as he moved her in my direction, passing her to me. He stood from his side of the bed, naked from our earlier activities as he grabbed a pair of joggers and a plain white t-shirt, glancing back at us.

"Do you want us to go with you?" I asked, hopeful, as we both stared at him.

"No, I want you to stay right here, warm in bed." He whispered, kissing my forehead just before scrubbing his hand over the top of Indy's head as she barked, as if a final attempt to get him to change his mind.

"If it makes you feel any better, you did this to me." I challenged as he let out a hearty laugh, shaking his head before grabbing the keys from the top of the dresser. "I love you!" I yelled as he left the bedroom, shouting it back down the hall before leaving.

April 2020

"God, I could use a McFlurry right now." I groaned from the top of the table, looking to Edward, who watched me with a glint in his eye.

"I think I should just purchase the machine and make them for you at home. You don't even need a cup; you can just stand under the nozzle. Indy will help you clean up." He joked as I stuck my tongue out at him, my fingers tapping along my larger stomach.

"It's not my fault your baby wants ice cream all the time. Specifically, McFlurrys. I tried the Ben and Jerry's you got me, but it knows the difference. I threw up. Twice!" I argued, shuddering at the ice cream fiasco just last week.

"My little McFlurry Monster," Edward smiled, pressing his hand against my bare stomach. The moment, while short, caused my breath to hitch, my hand reaching his as we cradled our baby. A knock on the door distracted us, and Dr. Carmen came in with her technicians.

"Are you guys ready to find out what you are having?" She asked as we both nodded quickly. We weren't ones to want a surprise at birth or even a gender reveal party hosted by our family. We wanted the moment we found out the sex of our baby together, and we would tell our family later. Dr. Carmen lifted my gown, the lights dimming as she warned of a sudden coldness, the gel causing me to shiver. Edward reached down, pressing a kiss to the top of my head as I felt the probe at the bottom of my stomach, the screen next to us coming to life.

Once Dr. Carmen found the baby, I was able to define their silhouette immediately. I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I squeezed Edward's hand, the two of us watching the monitor and then Dr. Carmen.

"We are in luck; your baby is in perfect position." She smiled, moving the probe around just a little bit longer before settling and then pointing. "Looks like you are having a little girl."

A girl.

I was crying immediately, tears leaving my eyes as I looked to Edward, his own misting. We didn't care what it was, as long as our child was healthy. And now it was a she, and the reality began to sink in. I saw everything, a little girl with bows and dolls, a best friend for Indy as they ran through the house together. I saw her big green eyes and her bright smile, the very same one her father was showing off right now. Edward kissed me firmly, then sprinkled more across my face as he dried my tears. Dr. Carmen wiped off my stomach, congratulating us once more before giving us our privacy.

"My girls." He whispered against my forehead, reaching down to hold her. "She can have all the McFlurrys she wants."

I wiped at my tears, sniffling as I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Does that mean we can stop on our way home?"

August 2020

EPOV

There was something about today that just made it seem to drag … minute by minute. A part of me contemplated going home, taking Indy out for a run to clear my head. But it was only noon, yet in the three hours I've been in the office, I had already worked on multiple cases. Each of them had their own story; a thirteen-year-old abandoned by his mother, an eleven-year-old stuck in a home with addicts, and my current case, seventeen-year-old, flunking out of school and showing signs of alcoholism. His case hit home, several incidents taking me back to when I was in Seattle, dealing with my own issues with addiction. There had been moments I had to step away, even as far as telling my boss that the case needed to be moved to someone else because it was too raw for me. But I didn't give in, pushing past the points that hurt and understanding that my profession is to help. And I could help this kid.

I was in the middle of interviews with witnesses, the same ones who called social services, trying to pinpoint a trend with this kid, trying to find what I could use to get through to him. A vibration took me away from my interview and I gave the witness an apology. Looking to my phone to see Bella's name flashing across the screen, her ID picture of her in bed, her breasts covered, her very rounded stomach in full view as she smiled at me. I accepted the call, bringing my phone to my ear.

"Hi, baby," I whispered, immediately hearing her raggedy breath. "Bella?"

"My water just broke, Edward." The fear in her voice was evident, and to the surprise of the witness, I immediately stood as I began to grab my things.

"Where are you?" My voice was hard as I tried to remain calm.

"Alice is taking me to the hospital right now." She said through a cry. Silently, I thanked my cousin for coming to visit when she did. "I need you." Her voice was desperate.

"I'm on my way, I'll meet you there."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you," I told her, just before hanging up. I apologized to the witness, telling them I had to reschedule because my fiancée had gone into labor. While they congratulated me, their tone had an edge to it, but I couldn't seem to care. My adrenaline was pumping as I shouted at my boss, telling him what's going on before I ran out the door and made my way to the hospital.

When I arrived, I didn't even have to hit the front desk before I heard my name being called. Alice was there, her smile big as she urged me in the direction where they took Bella. Alice stayed back when we got to her room and I walked in to see Bella, dressed back up in a gown, clutching her stomach. Her eyes lightened up when she saw me, tears pricking in mine as I went to her, cupping her cheeks and kissing her firmly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and she nodded.

"We were out at lunch, I felt fine all day, maybe a little discomfort. Then in the parking lot … It just happened." She said, her lips forming a frown. "And we were about to go to McDonald's for a McFlurry."

I couldn't help but laugh, but it was soon replaced with concern when she gripped my hand, squeezing it tightly as her eyes shut. She was having a contraction, and I breathed with her, trying to help remind her of the exercises we learned together. I didn't know how much help I actually was, but I knew that my presence relaxed her, her hand staying in mine as each contraction hit her with force. I whispered words of encouragement, but she didn't seem to need it. My girl was being strong, taking each contraction in stride and I was so damn proud of her. When Dr. Carmen came in, she was surprised to see how far along Bella was. So far along that an epidural could not be done. She anticipated that Bella would be pushing within the hour.

The contractions were longer and closer together, and just as Dr. Carmen said, Bella was prepared to push.

"I need to … " She stopped, her voice catching in her throat. "I need to push."

"I'll go get Dr. Carmen," The nurse left as Bella laid back, sweat on her brow that I removed with the sleeve of my green scrubs, reaching down to kiss her.

"You got this, baby," I told her, squeezing her hand.

"I want Indy." She cried, tears pricking at the corner of her lids.

"She can't come here, honey, she's a dog," I said, trying to hide my amusement. "She'll meet our McFlurry Monster soon."

"Why is this so damn painful?" She groaned, her head pushing back as I watched her, helpless, taking in a deep breath. "Don't leave my side."

"Never," I promised just as Dr. Carmen walked through the door. It was a whirlwind of events as Bella's feet were put in the stirrups. She told Dr. Carmen that she needed to push, and she needed to push now. Dr. Carmen instructed her what to do and I stood by her side, holding her hand as she demanded Bella to take a deep breath and then push with all her strength. Bella strained, a groan leaving her lips until she released, laying her back down on the bed as she let out a choking sob.

"Good job, Bella. Give me another, take a deep breath." Dr. Carmen instructed as Bella did as she was told. I held one knee, watching in astonishment as Bella pushed again, this time an agonizing cry leaving her lips that nearly crippled me. I turned to her just as Dr. Carmen told us she could see the head. I felt my heart race, and I quickly reached down to whisper to Bella, to tell her I loved her, that she was the strongest damn woman I have ever met and that she needed to keep pushing so we could meet our daughter. This seemed to fuel her, and when Dr. Carmen asked for another push, she did so with amazing force, holding it until a little cry filled the room.

Bella let go with another scream, and I watched as our child left her mother, taken by the nurses who set her on Bella's chest as she wiggled, her tiny fingers and toes stretching. I was in shock, at a standstill, as I watched Bella sob, helping clean off our daughter who had a full head of crimson hair, and a cry so loud that made everyone in the room laugh. She was so damn perfect, everything about her. I had loved her from the moment Bella told me she thought she was pregnant. But now, seeing her, it was so different, almost unexplainable. Tears were in my eyes when the nurses asked me to cut the umbilical cord but I did so with pride, watching them swaddle her up as she relaxed, her bright eyes staring up in wonderment at her mother who rocked her. I felt a sob leave me and I leaned down, kissing Bella's temple as we watched the miracle of our daughter, who looked back at us with the same amount of love.

April 2023

I walked along the stone path, my fingers gripping at my jacket to pull it closer, protecting me from the wind that whipped through the air, sending the trees rustling. Besides that, it was quiet today, only a few other people walking out with me, some with families and flowers in their hands and others mourning in silence by themselves. I asked Edward to give me a head start to give me time to visit by myself, and of course, he was more than supportive. I went to turn the corner, but glanced back at the silver SUV, seeing him in the driver's seat, turned and staring at the brown-eyed little girl who was sure to be talking his ear off.

I smiled to myself, turning the corner and entering through the threshold of the opened black gate, my eyes swiveling right to the third row of headstones, finding his immediately. Shoving my hands into my coat, I stepped off the pathway and into the grass, my stomach twisting every time it did when I visited him or my mother in Phoenix. I stopped just a few steps ahead of the stone that was relatively clean, except for a few weeds with blue flowers that sprouted from the ground, covering just at the base.

In Loving Memory

Charles 'Charlie' Dennis Swan

February 11th, 1964

April 17th, 2018

"Hey, Dad." I began, swallowing hard. It didn't matter how many times I had visited, and I made sure to visit at least once a year, I still found the words catch in my throat, still felt the ache in my chest, as if being here in front of his headstone was the same as standing across from him, alive and well.

Through the years, the pain had become manageable. I thought of my parents every day, but I was no longer haunted by their death. It was difficult in the beginning, carrying the weight of witnessing both of your parents passing, but I found healing through those who were still here and who loved me. I no longer needed to be sad, no longer needed to guilt myself, not when I had other people relying on me to be strong. And knowing both my parents, if they could talk to me one last time, especially right at the beginning, they would have scolded me for putting my life on hold for them.

You got too much life left to waste any more on me. Go do something, go be something. Get your ass in gear and get started.

I felt a smile on my lips, hearing his voice in the back of my head from his letter I received shortly after he died. I didn't listen at first, but I was listening now.

"You'd be proud of me," I started, just above the wind. "I'm finally selling the house." It had been in my name and possession since he died, and for the years after, it sat there, empty and quiet. I ignored it but I was unwilling to part with it, selfishly wanting to keep it even if I wasn't in Forks. It wasn't until that day in August, almost three years ago, that I realized I now had a reason to let it go. When our daughter was born, Edward and I decided to sell so we could take the money we earned and put it towards a college fund. We spent two years renovating it, hiring locals when Edward couldn't be here to get it ready. Everything was updated, and when it was finally completed, it spent only a few short weeks on the market. In addition to visiting, we were here to close, finally passing it on to someone else.

"I haven't been there yet; I've only seen pictures. I think you would be rolling in this grave if you saw what we did. You'd absolutely hate how modern it is now." I laughed with a shrug, resting my chin in my palm. "But I think you'd forgive me. It's all for her … I have to look after her now." I stopped, bringing my hands down as I tapped my thumb along my knee. "I don't know if I told you this, but she has our brown eyes. And I swear, sometimes she looks at me and all I see is you. It's not all the time, but just facial expressions. And sometimes I see Mom. A lot of times, I see Edward. But it's those brown eyes. It's just you and me." I paused for a moment, letting the silence take over. "I went and saw Mom a few months ago. I know you weren't together in the end, but I hate that I can't visit you both at the same time."

If I had my way, they would both be in San Francisco, even if it made no sense. Just for the fact that I could go to them when I needed it. Because it wasn't possible, I made sure I went to Phoenix to visit Mom just as often as I saw Dad. It was also important to see Phil, who was still a part of my life. I made it a point for him to be a part of my daughter's, just as much as Carlisle and Esme. I felt the tears, clearing my throat as I held them down, looking over at a family who were a few rows ahead of me, holding each other as they placed a bouquet of roses at the top of the headstone.

"I didn't bring you flowers," I said slyly, reaching for my pocket as I pulled out a mini bottle of Jameson, just like I do every time I visit. "But I think you'll like this more." I twisted the cap, taking a quick swig before holding it just above his grave, tipping to allow it to pour until it was empty. I set the empty bottle at the base of the grave, leaning back on my heels before popping a mint in my mouth just as I reached out, my fingers tracing the words on the stone. "I miss you."

"Mommy!" I turned, seeing Edward walking through the gate, in his arms a wild of crimson curls and brown eyes squirming as she caught sight of me, her chubby fingers reaching out even though we were still far apart. Edward set her down as she ran across the path, nearly stumbling through the terrain, her boots crunching leaves as she reached me with a giggle. I wrapped her in my arms, attacking her cheeks with kisses as she laughed, gripping onto my face. I couldn't help but smile when she was around, even when her laughter was so loud. She was pure joy; I wouldn't change a thing about her.

But for the respect of those mourning, I placed my pointer finger to her pink, pouty lips. "We have to use our inside voice here, Charlie," I told her as her eyes widened, her finger coming up to mimic mine as her other hand held something orange and familiar.

Mr. Kitty.

Charlotte Regan Cullen, otherwise known as Charlie, was a firecracker with nonstop energy. I knew we had our hands full the moment she started talking because once she started,

she didn't stop. Once she was on her feet, she was going anywhere she could. She was the perfect partner for Indy, who matched her energy, the two entertaining and wearing each other out. But under her loud and chaotic nature, she was so loving and soft. She had a fixation on animals and nature, she wanted to help and care for anything that needed it. Edward and I had bets on what she would do when she was older. His money on the health field. He wasn't wrong, but it wouldn't be with humans. I was sure she would be a vet. Her love of Indy and any animal she came in contact with was undeniable.

She was our firefly, our sparkler, our everything. We adored her so much.

I turned her in my arms, facing her towards the grave. She reached forward, her hands feeling the coolness of the stone as she looked back to me with a smile, the same one her father had. "Grandpa Charlie is here." It wasn't a question; she knew exactly where she was. I nodded, brushing curls from her face. She looked away and back at the grave, giggling as if someone had told her a joke. "Hi Grandpa, I'm almost three!" She started with her age and then began to ramble. She ran Mr. Kitty along the top of the stone as she told him about Indy, about her bedroom, her favorite food, and even a random fact about honeybees.

Edward knelt next to me, shaking his head with a smile. I looked at him and snorted. "She's your daughter."

"She gets her rambling from you." He said pointedly, just before reaching over to press a kiss to the side of my head. I had felt his left hand on my knee, my eyes drawing immediately to his silver ring. My husband. "I see you left a gift for him." He nodded towards the empty, mini whiskey bottle.

"Thought he would appreciate that more than some flowers. Charlie wasn't a flower type of guy."

"I think you're right," Edward said, running his hand up to my thigh. "They are ready for us to sign the paperwork when you are." He finished as I nodded, staying silent, watching my daughter talk to my father. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod, looking to him. "It just feels weird … letting go of it. It's like the last piece of him I have."

"You know that's not true." He told me, his gaze falling to our daughter. "I think we can take comfort knowing it's going to a growing family trying to create a life here in Forks. There is no reason we should hang on to it any longer. And think about what we will get out of it, a future for her."

"I know, I know," I told him, feeling as if I've heard this speech a thousand times. When I drifted, he pulled me right back down, showing me the bigger picture. I knew I was going to through with this because it wasn't just me anymore. I looked to Charlie, whose finger traced the lines in the headstone, right over her own name, just as I had done earlier. She continued to talk to him, this time about her favorite stuffed animals. We watched as she walked around the stone, picking at the ground, plucking a few tiny blue flowers, covering the top of the headstone along with anything else she found, including brown leaves and rocks. She continued to talk, as if he were right there next to her, helping her decorate. Charlie wasn't a flower type of guy, but I don't think he would have minded those.

"Mommy, do you like it?" She asked me, placing one more blue flower perfectly in the center. I reached for her, pulling her in my arms as I held my girl tight, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I love it, firefly. It's beautiful. The most beautiful display I have ever had the pleasure of seeing." I sighed, my tone dramatic to please her as she giggled, twirling around and into Edward, who gripped her tightly, pulling her up and into his arms as he stood. I watched them as they laughed together, their crimson hair glowing under the unusual Forks' sun.

I looked back to my father's grave, the smile still on my face as I gave him a final nod as if to indicate my goodbye. I stood, looking back to my little family, Edward holding Charlie in his arms as he held her out to me, giving me the perfect opportunity to tickle her belly as she squealed, her voice carrying as she pleaded for us to stop. I kissed her cheek as Edward turned, walking us back towards the car.

Indy waited patiently in the backseat, barking once she spotted us and showering Charlie with kisses when Edward buckled her into her seat. Charlie laughed, gently pushing her head away before sharing a few of the blue flowers she stole from the grass by my father's grave.

"Where are we going now?" She asked, curiously, handing a flower to Indy, who took it in her mouth, only to spit it out, causing an eruption of giggles from our little girl.

"We are going to see where your mom grew up," Edward said on the driver's side, his head turning to me as I felt a tightness in my chest. He reached over, grabbing my hand before bringing it up to his lips.

"Where Mommy slept when she was small like me?" She asked as I turned, looking at her. She kicked her feet, playing with the flowers on her lap, making a crown for Mr. Kitty just before her brown eyes caught mine. I nodded with a smile.

"It looks a little different, but yes. It's where I grew up with my mom and dad." I told her.

"Grandpa Charlie?" She asked, her tone thoughtful.

"Yes, Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Renee."

"I wish I could give them these." She said innocently, indicating to her flowers. I felt a lump in my throat just before feeling Edward's hand on my knee, squeezing. The tears were there, but I kept them locked in, reaching for her as I pulled a curl away from her eyes.

"Me too, firefly," I answered.

xx

Indy jumped from the car the moment the door opened, Charlie not far behind her until her father grabbed her by the waist, pulling her up and into his arms. She groaned dramatically, wanting nothing more than to run off and play. I hesitated at my door, seeing the house for the first time in years. Everything was the same on the outside except for a few details. It had a fresh new coat of paint, making it brighter, the door painted a deep navy that matched the shutters, and a welcome mat right at the front. I never made it back here after the first time I left, not seeing a reason too. Edward made all the trips when contractors needed us for the renovations. I only saw photos, keeping as much distance as I could.

But here I was, reunited almost five years later. I looked to Edward and Charlie, who watched me just before he threw something in my direction. I caught it mid-air, looking down to see it was the keys. He moved his head in the direction of the house and I let out a deep breath, nodding as I walked forward.

Indy met us at the front door just as the key clicked the lock, opening to the foyer as she bolted inside. Charlie wiggled in her dad's arms before he set her down, her wild curls running into my childhood home. I felt warmth in my hand, and I looked down to see Edward's hand in mine, my chin tilting up to witness his comforting smile.

"You got this." He said, his thumb stroking over my skin. We walked in together, my eyes trained instantly on everything that was different. If I didn't know I was indeed standing in my childhood home, I would have thought I was somewhere else. The hardwood was replaced, the paint a cream as opposed to a light brown, the stairs leading upstairs no longer carpeted, now stained with a new railing. I let go of Edward's hand and explored the empty living room. The fireplace was whitewashed with a wooden mantle above it. The kitchen had new cabinets, new floors, and granite countertops with new, stainless steel appliances, making it look sleek and modern.

Edward looked at me, hesitating, unsure of my reaction, as if he thought it was too much. It definitely had changed so much so that it was no longer the house I grew up in. And that brought a comfort to me that I wasn't prepared for. I was sure if I had walked in and saw everything the same, it would have been harder to let go. Now, it wasn't mine anymore.

"It's … beautiful." I told him, seeing him visibly relax. "The pictures don't do it justice. It's a whole new house."

"That was the point. Charlie kept it very … Outdated." He said with a smirk as I nodded in agreeance. "The upstairs is done, too, if you want to see it."

I contemplated on this, knowing that the last time I had saw Charlie was up in his room where he had died at my side, in his bed. I felt a tug at my coat, and I looked down to see my other Charlie, staring up at me with her big, brown eyes. "Come on, firefly. Let me show you where Mommy grew up."

I picked her up and showed her all the places I could, telling her stories of me when I was little. I kept some of them vague, sparing her the details of having to take care of myself when my parents were incapable of doing so. I wasn't always going to shield her from the truth, both Edward and I agreed to tell her whatever she wanted to know, including his own addiction. I made a promise that I wouldn't lie to her, not like I was lied to; that I would always be open and honest and would always tell her the truth. She deserved it.

When we made our way upstairs, we stopped at my old bedroom first. It was empty and painted white, hardwood floors instead of carpet. I showed her where my bed used to be, told her about my purple walls with flowers painted along the sides. I told her this is where I first got Mr. Kitty, to which she held onto him tighter, the brightest smile on her face. I shared stories of my small adventures when I was her age, the things I imagined when I was trying to entertain myself. She was ecstatic, her imaginative mind running a million miles a minute, almost tempting me into playing make-believe princesses, an old favorite of mine.

When we left the room, she darted in front of me, passing the bathroom and running into the last room on the left. My heart hammered when I neared, stopping just at the threshold as I watched her turn in the empty room, spinning circles with Mr. Kitty. She stopped, laughing as she tumbled over onto the floor as if she were dizzy.

"Was this Grandpa's room?" She asked, lolling her head over to me. I nodded and entered, biting back tears as she laid right where the bed had been, right where I was when I watched him die. But she was smiling under the sunshine that leaked through the window and onto the floor, holding Mr. Kitty over her head as she played. "I like it. Can we stay here?"

I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head. "Our home is in San Francisco, firefly."

"I like the blue flowers, we don't have those." She said sadly, sitting up to look at me.

"We can plant some in the backyard when we get home," I said as her eyes lit up, standing from her spot as she ran to me, curls flying around her face. It took very little to make her happy.

"Promise?" She reached her tiny hand out, and I knew exactly what she was doing. The same thing Charlie did to me. I smiled and leaned down, wrapping my much larger pinky around hers.

"Promise," I swore, pulling her towards me as I attacked her face with kisses. She pressed her hands against my shoulders, but I didn't let her go easily. Soon enough, Indy came to investigate, jumping towards my arms as I tilted Charlie down, holding her by her waist as her upper body swung by my legs as Indy covered her in licks. When I brought her back up to me, Edward was at the door, watching us with a grin, the look of pure adoration in his eyes. She called for him, reaching out as he took her from me, holding her close to his chest.

"The relator will be here soon." He told me as Charlie snuggled into him, tucking under his chin with Mr. Kitty between them. "You ready?" He asked as I looked back to the room.

I remembered this house as something different, avoided it because I thought I wouldn't be able to take the pain again. The changes were undeniable, a welcoming factor to help me let it go. But when I looked at my husband and daughter, holding each other so close, I knew I had nothing binding me to this place. Not because it was different, but because I was.

I nodded my head and felt the weight lift off me. I walked to my little family, placing a kiss to Edward's lips and then, Charlie's forehead.

They were all I needed.

---

AN: The amount of relief I feel finally posting this is all consuming. I hope you enjoyed reading this epilogue as much as I throughly enjoyed writing it. These two have been through a lot of angst, it felt right to give them a proper send off.

Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed and reviewed this story. I know I always talk about how much I love you guys, but seriously, I can't get enough of you! I am so excited to hear what you think about this epilogue (all 24,000 words of it!)

Shout out to Fran, who edited this monster for me. Thank you, Fran. This story would not be what it is without your help.

Obstacles was nominated for Top Ten Completed Fics for March 2020. Please visit twifanfictionrecs and vote! Voting can be done once a day and ends on 4/26!

This is the final piece for these two. I am going to miss them so much. But, I have new projects coming that I am so excited for, so keep your eye out for it!

Thank you for everything. Until next time.

ii