Towards the end of chapter 11. Adrien's perspective. Y'all know the drill, only checked about 1.5 times.
Adrien watched Marinette as she waved her goodbyes to the Kwamis. It was cute to see her get so worried over them scouring the city so late at night. He had a good mind to remind her that they were thousands of years old and weren't children, but he didn't feel it would ease her worries any less. He stretched out on her bed as he waited for his princess to join him, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't ready for some alone time with her.
I'm honestly so comfy I could fall asleep though. It seemed like both the apartment and her family's home had this extremely comforting and warm feeling about it.
He smiled at her laughter as she climbed back into bed and made herself comfortable next to him.
"Can I ask the first question?" She asked tenderly.
Adrien craned his head to look at her, but her eyes were glued to the ceiling. "Of course." He could honestly say he felt more comfortable to play this game now. He wanted to be honest with her about any questions she could ask, if not for the fact that he was scared they may not have more moments of honesty in the future.
"Have you ever been scared in the middle of a battle?"
He didn't hesitate to answer. "Yes." In fact, there were millions of times that he had been scared during one of the akuma attacks.
"Well elaborate." He grunted as she elbowed him. "You can't just give straight answers. The only rules of the game are to elaborate on your answer, no repeating questions, and only one question per turn."
Adrien huffed. "You didn't say we had to be specific." He tried to think about all of the times when his heart was racing and he wasn't sure of what the outcome would be. "If I must say, in combat you are a rather unpredictable person. I don't know what you're going to do in battle next. I've never been more ...nervous in my life than in the battle with that man the one time I left the apartment and didn't come back."
Just thinking about it brought chills to him. The way she had nearly thrown herself off the building in an attempt to save the man wanting to end his life. She had almost gone over with him, it was such an act of bravery. Without even thinking about it, she risked her life, and to know she could be that selfless and act so quickly without any regard for herself was somewhat terrifying to him.
"Why?" She blinked at him in confusion, not understanding why such a mundane battle stood out to him.
She would just say I'm silly for worrying so much. He sighed internally before shaking his head. "I elaborated, now it's my turn to ask a question. We can ask anything, right?"
He had the power to ask her anything in the world, how would he use it? There were millions of questions he had. What did she think about him? What was her favorite game as a child? What does she want most in the world? If she could travel anywhere, where would she go? What would she change about their meeting? He had so many serious and trivial questions to ask that they all flooded his head at once. They had started off with a pretty small question, so maybe they were only supposed to ask basic questions?
The two asked questions back and forth and Adrien could feel himself sweating after the first set. Clearly his answer about how he didn't want to live with her after everything was settled and done did not please her. Even with his explanation, she seemed adamant about wanting to continue to stay with him. It made his heart race to think that she still wanted to be with him after things were done, but he honestly felt that she shouldn't say that until the last Kwami was captured. Their relationship could be a completely different story by then.
I hope not, but let's be honest here… He just felt that they wouldn't have a happy outcome as of right now.
"Okay, I won't worry about it for now." She responded reluctantly.
He felt like giving her a hug with how dejected she sounded. Even his thoughts caught him by surprise, he hadn't meant to say something that would potentially upset her. Of course he would stay with her if she would have him, but it was important to just wait and see what time had in store for them.
Adrien pondered over his next question before feeling the need to get a little personal. He definitely had plenty of serious questions he wanted to ask, why not start with this one? "Have you ever been in love before?"
At the flush of her face, Adrien felt he had put Marinette in a tough spot. She seemed fairly thrown off with what he had asked, maybe even confused as she tried to answer. "No," she replied gently. "In my past, I've only ever had small crushes here and there..." Adrien couldn't hide his confusion. What the heck was a 'crush'? Marinette seemed to lighten up as she smiled. "It just means I've liked different boys before, but never very deeply."
Adrien chewed over her answer, somewhat relieved that no one had claimed her heart just yet. He couldn't imagine how their situations would be if she had a boyfriend prior to him coming into her life. It certainly might have made their current dynamic impossible to have.
But she's liked other men before….. He wanted to know why she hadn't been in love previously. "Well how do you know when you're in love?" He just had to know more about her view on love.
He lightly jumped as Marinette thumped his shoulder. "You can't ask two questions in a row."
Adrien didn't hesitate to roll his green orbs. Curse this devilish game. He quickly ushered her. "Fine, then ask your question, so I can ask mine."
"Okay." He could already tell from her tone that he would regret his fumble. "How do you, Adrien, know when you're in love?"
His face flushed as he gaped at her. "You can't do that!" He didn't make the rules, but he was sure there had to be some rule against stealing questions. It wasn't right!
"Who says? There were only three rules, and this wasn't one of them. Now answer."
Damn it…. How could he talk about love without directly revealing that he was madly and head over boots in love with her?
He heaved a heavy sigh knowing he was about to dig his own grave by spilling his guts to her about love. "Do you want my honest answer?"
"I wouldn't accept anything but an honest answer." She seemed downright giddy to receive an answer while he was somewhat dreading the can of worms he was about to open.
"The amazing and terrible thing is that you don't know. When or how it happens is something I could never answer. You just wake up one day and realize that there's one special person that you wouldn't mind spending your entire life with...I'm guessing?" He wanted to be as transparent with her as he could, she deserved at least that much in regards to his feelings. BUT, this was NOT the time to confess. "That person becomes your everything and you can't think or breathe without them somehow coming into the equation. When it hits how you finally feel, you feel light inside, like the thought of being soul mates and connected with someone on a deeper level that goes beyond a basic connection can take your breath away, I think." He thought back to their first encounter and to all of the moments that built up to now, to him loving her. Who would've thought they would be here? "It just all goes to say that I believe a person may know that they're in love when the thought of spending an eternity with someone seems too short of a time." He tried to play it cool and sound as nonchalant as possible, but part of him was happy to almost confess to her.
If anything, it served as motivation to get his answers from Master Fu so that he could say it to her directly. He had to remind himself to be patient before making any moves on her.
xXx
It was finally almost a new year. Adrien watched eagerly as they huddled around her watch. His eyes drifted out to the park across the street from her house. It was nice to see everyone happy and excited for the new year to come. They looked like little ants, but like eager little ants glad to be around one another for the festivities. He just might have asked if she wanted to join everyone down there had he not wanted her all to himself. Well, as 'all to himself' as he could get with the Kwamis returning and flying around them. They would be starting the new year together, which he was more than happy for.
"Don't forget to make your New Year's wish," she said with a small nudge to Adrien's side.
"New Year's wish?" He had never heard about this before. She did say something kind of vague about a wish tonight earlier today though.
"As soon as the last second is done, if you say a quick wish it'll come true." She replied as she stared at her watch eagerly. In a mere two minutes, they would be in a new year together. "That goes for you too, Tikki and Plagg."
Plagg pointed across the street. "We're going to go closer to the fireworks," he said before he and Tikki flew across the street to the park.
Wow. He didn't actually think he would be able to celebrate with her alone, but here they were. Officially alone yet again.
Less than a minute until the new year. He huddled closer to Marinette and smiled as she unconsciously drew closer to him, no doubt happy about the warmth he was providing her.
He thought back to that fateful day in October. To her showing him what kindness was despite not liking him. Their first 'bien joue'. The first time they shared a genuine laugh together. The first hug. Their first kiss.
No matter their rough start, he wouldn't change a single thing.
10
9
8
Adrien smiled as she gave his hand a small squeeze, excited to greet the new year.
Not a single damn thing.
7
6
5
Adrien used their linked hands to pull her closer, causing her to fall into his chest. If the world could be so kind to let him have this moment with her, he wanted to just take these last few seconds to forget his worries and just love the woman in front of him.
4
3
2
I can't stop myself.
1
He didn't hesitate to capture the soft of her lips with his. He was the luckiest man in the world to share a second kiss with his beauty. She pressed further into the kiss as if she needed it just as much as him. He wanted this moment to last forever, what would happen once their lips parted?
He knew they talked about making New Year's wishes out loud, but maybe the girls were onto something. Somethings are best not spoken out loud, their more sacred that way.
When this is all over, please let me stay by her side.
It was the only thing he wanted most in this world. Just for the end outcome for them to be together, for him to still be able to hold her in his arms.
Her eyes were glassy as she pulled back from the kiss in an attempt to catch her breath. "Chaton, I…" He could see that she was treading on dangerous territory. It left a heavy feeling in his heart. "Chat, I lo-"
He didn't hesitate to press a single finger to her lips. This wouldn't be right. He wanted to be the one to say it to her. She deserved that much courtesy, especially if this was her first time being in love. At least he hoped that's what she was going to say.
He forced a smile as he caressed her cheek. It was breaking him to say this. "Please," he begged, "just wait until later today." He tried to give her the most reassuring smile so that the thought of him not returning her feelings wouldn't cross her mind. "Later today I can tell you everything."
She seemed reluctant at first, as if worried by his response, but she soon settled into his arms as if she trusted his words.
It worried him all the more.
xXx
"We'll be back soon." He had pulled her into a tight and firm hug. He whispered, "And then we can talk, about everything." If he could, he'd never let her go. With much reluctance, he released her and offered a tight smile. She seemed to force the same smile, most likely resisting the urge to plead with him to stay.
"Then I bid you adieu." It's as if she knew something was wrong.
"Until we meet again." Placing a single kiss to her hand, he left her.
As Plagg flew out of his pocket, it was taking everything in Adrien's being to not be angry at him. "Are you sure you want to ask Master Fu?" That single question angered him, he wouldn't have to ask if Plagg would just tell him everything.
He would ask one more time. "Are you going to tell me?"
"No. I believe blissful ignorance will get you much further in life than knowledge."
Adrien slowed his quick pace and stopped before allowing Plagg to sit on his hand. "Where does this ignorance stop? We've been doing this for months now and I doubt we even know a fraction of what the hell we're getting ourselves into." He was far from worried about himself. He only cared about what could happen to Marinette in the long run. He needed to know if he was a potential harm, that's the only thing that mattered.
"It doesn't stop, and there's a reason for this. If you won't listen, then hear me out….Just don't do anything rash." Plagg warned him before returning to Adrien's hat.
Adrien sucked his teeth, that was the last thing he wanted to hear. He didn't plan on doing anything rash, but it's not like he had planned for any of the events that had transpired over the last two days. Only time could tell what would happen.
He didn't stop running until he was at Master Fu's parlor.
As Master Fu grinned at him, he just couldn't make himself force another smile. "I want you to tell me everything."
Master Fu's smile dropped slightly as he beckoned the young man into his room. "I had a feeling this day was coming."
Adrien closed the door behind him as he sat in front of Master Fu. "What aren't you telling us?" He sighed as he tried to calm his racing thoughts. "Whatever you know about Plagg and my transforming with him, I need to know. Am I a threat to Marinette?"
Master Fu stood and grabbed a record player from off of the dresser before placing it between him and the boy. Adrien ran his hand over the smooth of the wood, a cool sensation overwhelming him and chilling him in a nasty way.
Master Fu gently pressed his thumbs to the embroidered dragon on the player.
"What are you-… Adrien's words died out on his lips as the notch in the center of the dragons folded down.
"I had felt it was better to keep this a secret, but every secret is bound to come out at some point." He pressed the buttons before the player spun to the side and opened.
Adrien could only watch in pure awe as the contraption pivoted and a box popped up.
"What is that thing?" Adrien examined it and took note of each Chinese character.
"This," Master Fu clarified as he lifted the top. "Is our little secret. It's best if Marinette doesn't know about this just yet."
Each slot popped out, revealing different pieces of jewelry. Adrien's eyes widened as each piece shined back at him. "These are miraculouses"
"There is much we need to talk about." Master Fu replied as he closed the top of the box.
"There has to be at least 10 miraculous items in here. Why haven't we heard about this before?" Adrien had thought there were definite secrets being kept, but never like this. Weren't they only capturing what appears to be the top level of the box? Where did these other miraculouses come from?
"These were the last miraculous items that were left in my care." Master Fu gently pushed the box in Adrien's direction, encouraging him to examine it.
Adrien picked it up and looked at it in every which way. "A rabbit, a ram, a monkey….First, the wishes and now this, why are you keeping secrets from us, aren't we doing what you've asked of us?"
Adrien just couldn't understand the need for secrecy, it was maddening. They were risking their lives every day, and for what? They didn't even know what they were getting themselves into. You would think that Master Fu would want them to know everything if it meant that it would help with their mission.
"Everything comes in moderation, and that includes knowledge." Master Fu reminded him.
Adrien motioned to the box. The two miraculouses that they had already captured glared back at him. The bee miraculous captured on the night that Marinette's fashion show was ruined seemed to taunt him. "In moderation or when we get smart enough to ask questions? You've had all of these this whole time?"
As Master Fu nodded his head, Adrien didn't know what to think. "I have. The reason for this being kept a secret is to keep all of the Kwamis from falling into the wrong hands. If you or Marinette gets akumatized, you can lead whoever is doing this right back to this box. No reason to know about all of the Kwamis, especially if you aren't using them."
"Wait, we can get akumatized?" His blood ran cold.
"You're human, aren't you? No matter how much magic you have, you are not unsusceptible to Nooroo's powers."
"But…" There was no doubt that he and Marinette were on the same page about their thoughts regarding getting akumatized. It just never crossed their minds. With both of them always being so happy around each other, it just didn't seem like a feasible thought for it to happen to any of them. All of that could change after tonight. Adrien was so thrown off that he had nearly forgotten the reason he had barged in. "Can you tell me everything you know about Plagg?"
They were already off to a bad start if the information being refrained was being kept secret to protect them.
"That's a…..tricky subject….I don't-"
"Have a lot of knowledge." Adrien filled in for him. At Master Fu's reluctance, Adrien could feel his blood run cold. "I know, I've heard it all before. I just need to know everything. I'm scared of hurting Marinette. Have past miraculous holders hurt each other purposefully?"
Master Fu heaved a heavy sigh as he looked at the box. "As you know, but so much information has been passed around to the guardians. Partially because of the book being missing for so long, another portion due to a mistake I've made in my past." He offered Adrien a sad smile. "I wish I could give you more information, but yes. That's true, you may pose as a threat to her."
Adrien's whole world stopped for a few seconds. He refused to breathe as Master Fu's words hit him like a ton of bricks. A part of him had hoped Master Fu would laugh off such a silly thing. Adrien loved and adored Marinette more than anything in this entire world, how was it even possible for him to hurt her? On purpose at that. But here he was, feeling himself sinking further and further down. He was spiraling, and fast.
"Can you clarify what you're saying?" His voice was barely above a whisper as his throat felt dry.
He could see it in Master Fu's eyes that he regretted telling the truth but refused to hold anything back. "We know Plagg is the destructive Kwami, one that typically isn't used and should not be used. Can you account for any times that you have not been able to control your powers?"
Adrien shook his head quickly as he forced himself to breathe. "Not a single time." That was good news, right? He had always been in control of his powers, so maybe there was hope for him.
Master Fu turned to Plagg. "Can you remind him of the times where he has lost control of his powers?"
What?
Adrien's eyes bore into Plagg, causing him to squirm. "It was only twice…" He muttered.
"When did this happen?" Adrien asked Plagg. Why hadn't he known? He racked his brain for any time where he hadn't been in control, but every time, he remembered having complete control over the power he had.
"You don't remember, but it was at the fashion show when Marinette and you got hurt, and then on Christmas after you took down the gargoyle. I can feel every time you lose control of your powers when you use me."
No matter how much he thought about it, it just felt like a lie since he couldn't recall any of it.
"Memory loss and not remembering the slipping of your powers is not uncommon, it happens every time." Master Fu stated. "Again, I can only go by what I've heard passed through the grapevine and then what you're currently telling me, but it's a defense mechanism for Plagg's use. When in danger or feeling an intense need to protect, the mechanism kicks in. Unfortunately, the more you use him, the more it gets harder for the mechanism to switch on and off, and then eventually it just stays on."
Adrien was doing his best not to shut down, it was vital that he listen and latch on to every word that Master Fu was saying. "So you were just going to let me keep using him, knowing this?" Even he didn't want to believe that Master Fu could be so cruel.
"Of course not. As far as I know, you have never purposefully injured Marinette, and the second I ever thought you would, I would have taken the Kwami from you. She needs help with finding the other Kwamis and she may be in more danger without you using Plagg."
Adrien shook his head, wanting this all to be some sick joke. "There has to be another option…" Something, anything. He would do whatever it took to avoid hurting her.
"Every owner of Plagg succumbs to the same fate. At some point, not using Plagg is not an option as their need and desire for such strength consumes them. They can't even help themselves even if they wanted to. They either slip into the insanity and get lost in the 'defense mechanism' or….they stop it before it can get that far by taking their own lives. "
Adrien felt like his body had finally connected with the ground after falling for so long and it hurt. He's damned if he did and damned if he didn't.
"Has any of Plagg's owners hurt someone?" As Master Fu seemed reluctant to answer, Adrien felt the need to beg. "Please, just answer."
"Almost every time. Keep in mind that they are not always together, but out of the few times that Tikki and Plagg are together, there has been one occurrence of death for the Ladybug owner, though that could easily be false information and I'm not very clear on the details. Every other time others have just ended their life."
It was official. He just couldn't stay near Marinette anymore, not if it could lead to him killing her.
As if to help Adrien take the news, Master Fu felt the need to quickly add, "But like I said, information is limited and we don't exactly know how your situation is. Maybe it's better th-"
"Who's to say that that's not speeding up the process!?" Adrien felt like he was suffocating, he needed to get out of there.
He stood, needing to flee from the area. How much longer could he stay in this room while feeling like he couldn't breathe? It was over, everything was done. Any chance he stood with Marinette had ended.
As he ran out of the Massage Parlor, rain slapped at him. When had the sky decided to let out its frustrations? Despite being out in the open, he still felt as if a rope was tied around his neck and was shrinking unstoppably. Without any place in mind, he ran. He didn't care where he went, he didn't care where he ended up, he just needed to be somewhere other than here.
His legs protested as he forced himself to run until they gave out. Why were the walls closing in on him? He pushed past people without paying mind to their yells of how rude he was. Being around people just made him feel worse right now.
"Kid!" Plagg yelled against the rain to get his owner's attention.
"Kid!" He tried once more before completely getting in Adrien's face.
Adrien skidded to a stop so as to not run into his Kwami. He looked at his surroundings. This is where everything began. These damn woods. Why was he back here of all places? They were a bit away from where the book shop that Marinette found him at used to be, but they were fairly close.
"You need to calm down," Plagg said as he tried to think of what to tell his owner.
"How could I possibly calm down!? You heard what Master Fu said!" Adrien yelled. I could kill her.
Flashbacks of Marinette smiling and happy played through his mind in a never-ending loop. The way she laughed at his jokes or was happy to give him hugs and greet him in the morning. Even the way she smiled at him just out of nowhere because she was happy to be with him. He looked at his hands and was forced to remember the way his claws were covered in her blood just the day before. If he had drawn that much blood when he had accidentally hurt her, he could only imagine the damage he could actually do to her if he couldn't control himself.
Adrien frantically ran his hands through his hair. Everything was over, he was done for. He didn't have a right to be by her if he was going to hurt her.
I have to protect her. He went to remove his ring.
"Hey, don't do anything rash!" Plagg said as he stopped Adrien from removing the ring.
She needs help with finding the other Kwamis and she may be in more danger without you using Plagg. What Master Fu said rang through his ears like a siren.
He thought back to all of the times she had put herself in danger in battles. He just didn't know what to do. He wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, but she needed protection from him now.
"I have to protect her." Adrien breathed out. How could he do that with Plagg? How could he do that without Plagg? He had no strength without his Kwami. He could somewhat understand the past Kwami owner's desire to keep the strength and power they gain with him.
Plagg looked at the torment his owner was being put through. It honestly looked like Adrien wanted to cry at being lost with what to do. I'm hurting him… Despite how much trouble he caused Adrien, he genuinely did love the kid. To see him looking as if he couldn't go on anymore and to know that he was doing this to his owner made him feel like the worst thing in the world.
Plagg slowly released himself from Adrien's hand. "Maybe it's better if you just get rid of me. I understand." He truly did. Why would anyone want him? His past owners didn't after some point. Why should this situation be any different? They just wanted his power, why should the care about him as a person? All he was was trouble, destruction at that.
Adrien looked at Plagg as he fought to keep what little composure he had. He could see it in his Kwami's eyes, the guilt, the desperation with wanting Adrien to feel better. It was all too much. There was nothing anyone could say right now that could save Adrien from his own thoughts. The last thing he needed was Plagg looking at him like this. If Plagg was never in his life, maybe this wouldn't have happened. He felt sick with such ugly thoughts. He didn't want to think like this.
He quickly removed the ring and tossed it across the woods with a huff. All in one instance Plagg disappeared. Adrien's breaths were heavy as his shoulders heaved up and down. He quickly went after the ring that he had just thrown, instantly regretting how harsh he had been.
Adrien was quick to shove it in his pocket. The thought of seeing Plagg right now made him ill, he refused to even think of putting on the ring. The last thing he needed was Plagg's thoughts weighing in on his own as he tried to figure out what to do.
How can I face her after this? She was expecting him home at some point- she was expecting an answer to her feelings. An answer he just couldn't give.
He shook his head as a tear slipped down his face for what he knew he was to do. He knew her, he knew how she would respond. Marinette was the type of person to put up a fight, to want to work things out. He could feel her blood running down his fingers, embedding in his skin. He could see him holding her lifeless body in his arms. He didn't want it to get that far.
I'm going to have to hurt her. He would hurt her emotionally if it meant he wouldn't have to touch her physically. She would survive it, she would be able to go on without him. If she could hate him, it would make everything all the more easy on her to just forget him. Distance was absolutely necessary in order for him to protect her. He just couldn't let her fall for him any more than she already had.
It was time for this fairytale to end. He needed to wake up.
He looked up into the unforgiving sky as the rain hid his tears.
How silly could he have been to think he deserved a chance at happiness?
Finally, some answers.
Boy am I excited to finally answer something that I think everyone was curious about with Adrien's situation in the next chapter.
Please stay safe everyone!