CHAPTER 26: WELCOME HOME, RONNIE ANNE

The last thoughts on the mind of Tommy Gunn revolved around being thrown through a window at high speeds; his defeat caused by an explosion resulting from the destruction of his own weapon. The last thoughts on the mind of Killer Crab revolved around having an Ug-Li-Oh card exploding in his face, finishing off the last of his stamina; the majority of it being drained by a large billboard being crushed on him. Then, following these thoughts were nothing but darkness and silence; showing a temporary end to their consciousnesses.

Now, their consciousnesses return to the supervillains, with their minds returning to awareness and sensing the environments they were placed in. With their senses returning to the pair, both came to the realization that they were returned to their home base, but neither having any recollection of getting back by themselves. Naturally, one just assumes the other led them in that task.

"Ugh... Can't believe that dumb kid got the best of me... Well, I guess I owe ya a 'thank you' for getting us back, big guy." Tommy Gunn said.

"Ngh... I didn't get us back, I thought you did." Killer Crab said.

"What? No, I didn't, you really expect me to carry somebody your size?"

"Well, if you didn't bring us back, who did?"

"I did." Another voice said.

Hearing the voice of their leader break the inner silence of their base, both Tommy Gunn and Killer Crab snapped out of their groggy awakenings, putting themselves at full awareness and attention for their commander.

"Oh, uh... Well, cool, boss, but, uh, how'd you-" Tommy Gunn stammered.

"I'm faster than a speeding bullet. Of course, one of the old comics had that copyrighted, so I never got to use it officially. In any case, I had to get you two screw-ups out of there before you got yourselves caught and compromise the whole plan." The leader said.

"No, boss, you got us all wrong, we didn't-" Killer Crab tried to say.

"I saw the entire thing. You both got beaten by a 12-year old boy. A boy that the others all beat themselves without any sense of trouble. Care to explain how this loser somehow got the better of you?"

"I- Uh, I don't know what to say, boss. From how he was fighting, it's like he wasn't the same kid they were tellin' us about. If this the same kid, he must've had some serious coaching or somethin', because he was not some pushover." Tommy Gunn said.

"And his sidekick wasn't that bad, either. He doesn't seem to have any powers, but he managed to outsmart me." Killer Crab said.

"Well, let's be fair, here, ain't that hard-a-task to outsmart youse."

"What?! You little outdated-"

"ENOUGH!" The leader shouted.

Hearing the leader's booming voice echo through the halls of the base, the villains both backed down in fear; not wishing to provoke him further than he already was.

"Now, I don't know how this kid managed to do what he did, but I can guarantee you he won't get a second chance." The leader said.

"You said it, boss. That kid mighta blew up my tommy gun, but, second I get a new one, he'll-" Tommy Gunn began to say.

"No. You two are staying here."

"Then who's next? Icebreaker? Decibel? Nailbomb?" Killer Crab asked.

"All three are going after him specifically. I'll make you two a little bet. If he's really gotten better like you say, then this should be a bit of a challenge for these 3 to get back into shape. If he hasn't, and he goes down without a problem... Well, I suppose we'll have two vacancies for our little team, and perhaps a crab dinner."

"Uh... Yeah, about that, you do know I'm not actually a real crab, right? That it's just a suit?"

"I know, you idiot, it's a figure of speech! Now, you two are going to sit down and-"

Before the leader could finish his sentence, a shrill ringing began to echo through the room, stopping him in his sentence and calling his attention elsewhere. Reaching into his pocket and checking his cell phone, the leader discovered that he was receiving a call from his wife.

"Oh, goddammit... One minute, it's the wife." The leader said.

Pressing the 'answer' button on his phone, the leader picked up his call, starting his conversation with his wife.

"Yes, honey? Oh, really? That's great, that's great, really. Listen, I told you, no calls while I'm on the job, okay? Yes, it's a secret meeting, I just had to bail out a couple of colleagues. Yes, those two on the news. Yes, I know about that new superhero, he's on our agenda. Well, you know, our child is free to like something, dear, everybody likes those Ace Savvy comics, especially with that kid popping up. Honey, please give our child a little more credit than that. If anything, we're the bad influences, right? Ha-ha-ha, oh, you. Look, we're an open family, everyone knows what I do, so it's not like they'll lose sight of that, okay? Right. Okay, I love you, too." The leader asked.

Ending the call and putting away his phone, the leader looked back to his two subordinates; watching both stare back at him with unamused faces regarding his phone call interruption.

"Heh. Broads, right?" Tommy Gunn asked.

"That's my wife you're talking about, you prick. You do realize you can keep your 1920's theme without the bigotry?" The leader asked.

"But he's got a point, boss. With all those powers, you could have as many girls as you want, right? So why get married?" Killer Crab asked.

"First of all, I do have as many girls as I want. What the wife doesn't know doesn't hurt her. Second, above all, I did want a child for myself. Not just for the joy of fatherhood, as much as I love it, but even I'm not going to last forever. When that day comes, I need someone to take my power and carry on the empire. Now, where was I?"

"Killin' the kid?" Tommy Gunn asked.

"Right. Like I said, you two will watch, and the others will take it from there. For now, I only hope we have no more surprises. I hate surprises."

Elsewhere, while the day comes near an end in Royal Woods, the amount of surprises in it has nowhere near reached its end. Having dealt with a long day of fighting off not one, but two competent and dangerous supervillains, Lincoln Loud's efforts against the two were rewarded not with thunderous praise, but angry protests. Where Silver Sentinel had handled many of his defeats with little to no collateral damage, his fights had left considerable amounts of it, gaining contempt from the people of Royal Woods.

For working so hard to regain his fame and honor, achieving his first victory over a set of dangerous supervillains during his career as a superhero, his very best efforts and first true victory over a supervillain had left him shunned by the very citizens he was sworn to protect; given nothing but scorn once again by those he sought praise from. With the hour reaching the afternoon, Lincoln had hoped for a rest to put his thoughts and troubles away, but there was one last surprise waiting for him at the door.

"Ronnie Anne?" Lincoln asked.

Just as Lincoln had asked, the girl known as Ronnie Anne was standing before him in the doorway; looking right back at him. Best known to the first girl to ever like him, not to mention kiss him, Ronnie Anne was practically already a Loud; all but betrothed to the young Lincoln.

"Uh, yeah, it's me. What else would think I was, a Jehovah's Witness?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Well, no, I just- What are you doing back?" Lincoln asked.

Adding to the sudden confusion placed upon Lincoln Loud, popping up from the side of the door was Lori Loud, accompanied by Bobby Santiago. Letting out an ecstatic squeal of delight, Lori pulled out her cell phone and took a picture of Lincoln, wishing to capture the look on his face for this moment.

Where the expression Lincoln held, an expression holding confusion by his friend's reappearance and the thoughts of his past actions coming to haunt him, would have simply passed and gone, it was now forever immortalized in the digital files of Lori's phone, soon to become a laminated photograph in short time by the rest of the family.

"O-M-G, you were right, Ronnie Anne, it was literally worth it to see the look on Lincoln's face when he saw you again!" Lori said.

"Yeah, you look pretty surprised, bro. Are you?" Bobby asked.

Trying to compose himself from the confusion and shock that overtook his body, Lincoln tried brushing off his emotions with humor, hoping to laugh his way out of the confusion thrown upon himself.

"Surprised? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. So, you guys stop by to visit?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, there's way more than a visit in store here, Lame-O. Whatcha got in the fridge?" Ronnie Anne asked.

Not even waiting for an offer to enter the house, Ronnie Anne stepped inside the house without a second thought, acting as if she lived in the house with them. As Lori previously lived in the house for the past 18 years, she joined along in the entry brigade, bringing Bobby along with her.

While the other sisters all welcomed back Lori with open arms and tight hugs, Lincoln continued to stand in the doorway for a brief moment, still trying to process what had just unfolded. Naturally, the first step he takes to avoid this is denial.

"This isn't happening. This is not happening right now. This is... This is just a rough draft of the chapter, he's not actually putting Ronnie Anne back in now, he can't possibly be putting her back in now. I mean, I've got so much going on already, the writer wouldn't seriously just drop this on me now, would he?" Lincoln ranted.

Oh, I will, and I just did, boy.

Speaking of which, Ronnie Anne, holding a sandwich in her hand with her mouth full of a bite of it, returned back to the doorway to address the still-standing Lincoln.

"Hey, Lame-O, you gonna just stand there and talk to the viewers or you gonna join the party?" Ronnie Anne asked.

The gathering of the sisters and family friends had all brought themselves into the living room, with Lincoln sitting at the center of the event as it unfolded. If this were a hurricane of emotions and events, Lincoln tried his best to place himself at the eye of the storm, hoping that it would grant him some sanctuary from all which was happening now.

Unfortunately, the eye of a storm only offers temporary peace; quickly following up its temporary utopia with another fury of chaos. As such, Lincoln quickly became subject to the comments and observations around the two being reunited, seeing it as a game of matchmaking. Of course, being family, matchmaking their only brother was all too fun and easy to do, especially when putting him beside the very first girl he ever had a relationship with.

"So, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne finally back together. I always knew you two would somehow come together again." Luna said.

"I know, right? It's literally the cutest thing ever. I just can't wait for the next double-date. I bet you've been looking forward to this too, right, Lincoln?" Lori asked.

"Uh... Yeah... Sure... Really looking forward to it." Lincoln said.

"Hey, Linc, what's the matter? You're really lookin' shaky there." Lynn asked.

"I agree. You appear to be dishplaying exshtreme shignsh of anxiety. Ish there shomething on your mind?" Lisa asked.

"Uh... Well... It just occurred to me, Leni's not here. Shouldn't she be around for this?" Lincoln asked.

"Oh, yeah, where is Leni? She should literally be out for this." Lori said.

"I think that Leni got trapped from trying to finger someone to the cops. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Get it?" Luan asked.

"Uh, no. Where's Leni?"

"We threw her in the basement and secured her with a Chinese fingertrap." Lola said.

"What? Why?"

"Don't know, she insisted on it. Who knows what goes Leni's head?" Lana asked.

"Ash shomeone who hash exshperimented my fair share on her, I can confirm that she hash exshactly nothing on her mind. Ever." Lisa said.

While Lisa was indeed quite serious about Leni's (lack of a) thought process, the group all collected into a hearty laugh. Except, of course, for Lincoln, as he still sat in silence in hopes that the event would pass him by, but he still let out a few chuckles to avoid sticking out.

"But, seriously, can you go get her? I literally haven't seen her or any of you guys in a month." Lori said.

"Right. We'll get her." Lola said.

"I'll chew my way through the fingertrap." Lana said.

As Lola and Lana departed to the basement to retrieve Leni, Lincoln was finally brought to attention for the conversation; all wanting to know his thoughts on Ronnie Anne's return.

"So, Lincoln, pretty sweet having Ronnie Anne back, huh?" Lori asked.

"Yeah, Lame-O. Glad I'm back?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, real great. It's great having you guys visit. I mean, all the times I visited you, I can't believe you didn't do the same. But, I guess with Lori there and missing us, it wasn't that hard to get up and go, right?" Lincoln asked.

"I told you, Linc, this ain't just a regular visit. I've been trying to tell you this for, like, a month now, but you haven't returned any of my calls. So, to make up for your laziness, I decided to just make it a surprise."

"Uh, surprise?"

"Yeah. You know that Ace Savvy guy that's been kickin' butt here in Royal Woods recently? I mean, obviously, you know him, you and I read his comics out the wazoo."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard of him. He's definitely really cool. I mean, I've never really met the guy, but he is pretty cool."

"Right. Anyways, with all these supervillain attacks that have been going on, there's gonna be a lot more work at the hospital, right?"

"Yeah?"

"So that means they're gonna need some more staff to deal with injuries and hurt people, right?"

"Yeah?"

"And, as you know, my mom's a nurse, and had to move out because she got a promotion in Great Lakes City, and having us move in with my extended family, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, where's all this going?"

"Well, with more people needed here, my mom got an offer to come back, now with even better pay. Plus, with Bobby on his own with Lori, or, more specifically, him and her staying with my extended family for college, she's gotten a lot more financial freedom."

"Oh, okay, your mom got a new job. Great, that's really great. Congrats-"

"No, dude, not that. With my mom having to move back here, she took me along. I'm moving back in!"

In any other instance, the final words leaving Ronnie Anne's mouth would bring Lincoln untold amounts of joy. There might be a bit of an adjustment period of having to endure some teasing by his peers, but having his second best friend and first love interest return was an immense wish that he held; wishing that Ronnie Anne would return someday.

With all the running around he had been doing with Stella behind her back, however, this wonderful news just became his worst nightmare come to life. Fidelity is never a strong trait among children, sometimes developing with age, sometimes not, and some mistakes are permitted in the process of learning.

The only flaw with learning from mistakes, however, is having to make that mistake and bear its consequences. Now, Lincoln has to find his own way to deal with his issues.

"Well, dude, what do you think? Isn't this great?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Uh... Excuse me for a moment." Lincoln said.

Wasting no time to remove himself from the situation, Lincoln sprinted up the stairs straight to his room, hoping to hide from his own troubles. Where the unanimous expectation of Lincoln's reaction was to see him elated and excited, none understood the subversion of this collected prediction; sitting in confusion at the young boy's reaction.

"Uh... What just happened?" Luan asked.

"I literally did not expect him to just bolt. What's the deal?" Lori asked.

"Well, this was a bit much to lay on him. Maybe he just needed to be elsewhere to vent out his excitement." Lynn said.

"Yeah, yeah, maybe he's just letting it all out by himself. That happens, right?" Bobby asked.

"That doesn't seem like him. I'm gonna go talk to him." Ronnie Anne said.

Making her way up the stairs to meet up with Lincoln, Ronnie Anne prepared to investigate the strange reaction from her friend. Those downstairs did not interfere or involve themselves in the matter, wishing to let the two get back together without their interference.

In the midst of the confusion, Lana and Lola returned with the liberated Leni, letting the small-minded young woman join the party. Within seconds, Leni forgot the entirety of being trapped in the basement, just as easily as she forgets her own name during most days.

"Wow, Lori's back? I thought she moved out to college. Or did she? I can't remember." Leni asked.

With Leni speaking of unable to remember things, Lana began to feel herself grow close to remembering something, but unsure of what it was she was supposed to be remembering. Feeling the headache associated with this memory arise as the memory itself did, Lana began rubbing her temples, groaning in pain at the tightening headache.

"What's wrong?" Lana asked.

"It's that stupid headache I get everytime I try to remember... whatever I was supposed to remember. Would someone get me an aspirin?! This stupid headache is killing me!" Lola said.

"Someone's killing Lola?! Oh, my gosh, we need to call the police! Somebody get the third aid kit! Or was it the seventh? Why do they have to list those things in such a hard order?!" Leni panicked.

As the sisterly chaos continued on, Lincoln made his way up to his room, seeking for a way out of his troubles. For obvious reasons, the idea of simply hiding and running away from his troubles would not work. Any normal person would have to face up to their problems themselves, finding some way to work through the troubles they had put themselves in and work out a solution for the best of everyone's interests.

But Lincoln Loud is not a normal person. He is a cartoon character, and one who is able to communicate with his own audience through the trope of breaking the 4th wall; a concept not quite as clever as it thinks it is, but can be dependent on the writer. Looking for a way to retcon his solutions, Lincoln calls out to me, the writer, to change things to make things more convenient for him.

"Writer? The Guy? You there?!" Lincoln called.

Appearing in the story as an agent of the writer (to avoid confusing you, the reader, as to what is the writer's dialogue and what is describing the story), The Guy appeared at Lincoln's call.

"You rang?" The Guy called.

"Guy, listen, can you get the writer to write Ronnie Anne back out? I really can't do this." Lincoln said.

"No can do. We told you from the start, your goal is to get with Ronnie Anne and please the fans, and that's what we're sticking with." The Guy said.

"But I have it great with Stella now. Can't I just be happy with her instead?"

"The writer has other plans for her, kid. Look, you're 12 years old. What's the difference between one coochie and another at your age?"

"First of all, I'm not old enough to think about that yet."

"Maybe not you at 12. I got buds that say otherwise."

"Second, there is a very big difference. I mean, I like them both, but... Actually, I don't suppose there's a way I can have both, can I?"

"As much as I'd like to let you and then give you props for being the writer's first poly relationship, I don't think you or either of them would actually be down for that canonically, so, no can do there, either. Plus, even if it did, how do you think it's gonna break? 'Oh, hi, Ronnie Anne, I was dating this other girl behind your back while you were gone, think we can throw her in the mix?'"

"What's with you people and 'dating behind her back' crap?! We were miles apart and couldn't be a thing anymore! Did you seriously think that we wouldn't try to date other people?!"

"She never did. All she thought about was you, kid. You could have at least asked her about it, but you didn't. Now, she's downstairs and back for good in Royal Woods."

"Okay, okay, fine, if you really want me to be with her that bad, then fine, but can you at least retcon the time I spent with Stella? Rewrite it so we were just friends instead?"

"We don't do retcons, kid, not unless it's absolutely necessary. This you got yourself in, this you gotta get yourself out."

"Please, I'm begging you, I'll do whatever you want, just retcon something! I don't care what you do, just get me out of this mess! Isn't this going to mess up the whole story?"

"You'd be surprised what the writer can pull off with his weird tangents. Besides, here's something that's really gonna make you think later: Are you actually defying us by going with Stella, or was it our plan to put you in this conflict? Maybe you're just not as 4th-wall breaking-capable as you thought you were."

"What? But, then... Have you just been lying to me this whole time about giving me some freedom? Was it even actually the particle accelerator that allowed me to hear you? Was I never out of bounds on the story? Is anything I've been doing of my own doing?"

"Who knows?"

"You know! You people are the ones writing this crap! Can't you give me a solid answer?!"

"And make it too easy for you? No way. To make a character interesting, you have to give them some conflict: Give them a problem, then watch how they try to solve it. If you just hand-deliver them an answer, then there's no more conflict, and no more story."

"So, what am I, then?! Am I just some victim of your imagination?"

"Yeah, pretty much, kid. So, uh... suck it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I don't think you're actually still controlling me. I think I really do have my own control over what happens to me in the story, and you need me to cooperate. So, then, what happens if I just sit here and do absolutely nothing at all? Then, the story just stops, right?"

"You think you're going to beat us just by sitting down and doing nothing for the duration of this story?"

To prove the point Lincoln was making, the white-haired boy sat on his bed and laid back; attempting to simply sit out the events of the story rather than progress it any further by interacting with it.

"Why, yes, I think I will." Lincoln said.

"Well, then, I think you remember what happens if you start going against the story, now, don't you?" The Guy asked.

"Pssh. I'm not scared. You need me to continue the story, and only I can make it continue. Besides, I had 'the talk' with my dad, and he made it as disgusting as possible. There's nothing you can do to break me."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that."

Setting up the first of many scenarios to persuade Lincoln to continue the story, The Guy snapped his fingers, changing the environment to something completely different.

Opening his eyes to the first of the change in his environment, Lincoln felt his face being driven to the ground; the back of his head being pushed down by a sharp high heel. Turning to get a glimpse of what was driving this heel into his head, Lincoln familiarized himself with the first scenario that The Guy prepared for him.

Standing above him were Lori and Leni, both dressed in leather black dominatrix outfits, wearing Nazi officer hats and carrying whips. Conversely, Lincoln was wearing a striped blue raggedy outfit, with a Star of David emblem printed on the front.

"Well, look at what he have here, sister. A filthy Jew. Doesn't he look so pathetic?" Lori asked.

"Indeed, sister. He is nothing compared to the master race. It's a shame, really. He's far too cute to be a Jew." Leni said.

"Perhaps he is. That doesn't change what he is, and how repulsive he truly is. Why don't we show this little Jew what his purpose is?"

Lori pulled on her whip, wrapping it tightly around the neck of the subdued boy at her feet. As painful as the experience was to Lincoln, especially having this humiliation and pain put unto him by his eldest sisters, he reminded himself of the troubles he would have to face with his infidelity to Ronnie Anne, fearing it far more than whatever The Guy could throw his way.

"Changing that tune yet? I could keep this one up for a while, you know. Not a fan of the Nazis for obvious reasons, but femdom and straight shota seem to sell pretty well with the people who read crap like this. Makes you wonder if there's some woman who's into the opposite? Of course, you try to draw that, and everybody immediately calls you a pedo, and most just might be. Though, what if a woman drew that? Would they still go after her?" The Guy asked.

"You can't beat me with these porn scenarios, Guy. Ronnie Anne's the only person who can really scare me, especially when she's angry. I'm not changing my mind, I won't continue the story." Lincoln said.

"Oh, don't be so sure. I've got plenty more where this came from."

The Guy snapped his fingers once again, bringing the two to another scenario of pornographic proportions.

With the whiteout fading itself out, Lincoln found himself strapped onto a medical slab; completely unclothed and unable to escape. Looking to see which sister was being made to torture him here, he was now paired with Lisa; the aforementioned sister wearing a full lab coat and personal protective equipment.

"After exshtenshive teshting, I believe that you are finally ready for the nexsht phashe of the exshperiment. With the genetic alteratshionsh I've made, your shperm should be well-prepared to make way to the new rashce of shuperhumansh I've planned to repopulate the Earth." Lisa said.

"Pssh. You think that's gonna change my mind? Lisa tried to do this exact same thing to me last week. Of course, I never let her get that far." Lincoln said.

"Oh, I know, that's not the kicker. She came up with a new... 'tool' to get the ingredient. See for yourself." The Guy said.

Demonstrating The Guy's active imagination put to use, Lisa pulled out a massive device indescribable with words, only comparable to the result of an industrial vacuum cleaner, a milking machine made for cows, and a nuclear power plant.

As intimidating as the device appeared to be, however, it still was not anywhere near as intimidating to Lincoln as the idea of angering Ronnie Anne. While such a device might do a number on his genitals, Ronnie Anne's steel-toe boot would do far worse, and cause actual damage; something he had less than no interest in achieving.

"Nope. Uh-uh. Still no. No way you can make me do it." Lincoln said.

"Playing hardball, huh? Well, no worries, the internet has far worse ideas than that, and I spent plenty of time looking for stuff to use." The Guy said.

"Yeah, right, I- Wait, you spent 'plenty of time' looking this stuff up?"

"Uh... I... You see..."

Rather than answer the hard question he was posed with, The Guy snapped his fingers again, bringing the two to a new scenario.

As the scene changed once again, Lincoln was now met with Lucy. Where the previous scenes tried to come up with some exaggeration of each sister's personality or portray them in a different manner entirely, Lucy did not seem to have any real difference.

"Uh... Why isn't she different?" Lincoln asked.

"I don't have to be, Lincoln. Here, in The Guy's fantasy realm, I can show you just what I was meant to be; what I truly am inside." Lucy said.

Lucy brushed her hair back to display her eyes to Lincoln, something that the real Lucy had never before done. However, while Lincoln knew not of what the real Lucy's eyes looked like, this Lucy had nothing that resembled eyes in their place.

Instead, there were two empty eye sockets; both having pentagrams drawn over their place. Coming out from the eye sockets were a set of slimy and black tentacles, protruding not only from the eye sockets, but her mouth as well. As a set of tentacles also began to emerge from the bottom of her skirt, there laid the implications that the tentacles came from other openings on her body as well.

The tentacles, acting as appendages of some kind of demonic force, all immediately grabbed ahold of Lincoln. Wrapping themselves tightly around his arms and legs, the tentacles began pulling with full strength; as if he were on a stretching board. Soon, Lincoln would realize that this was not the end of the torture, seeing the next moves of the tentacles.

The tentacles began pulling his legs apart, tearing away his garments for access to the organs hidden underneath. Just before the tentacles could continue their work, The Guy drummed his fingers across Lincoln's head, taunting him into submission.

"I didn't even find anything like this online. I came up with this from watching Evil Dead. Care to see what else I can do with it?" The Guy said.

"Forget it, Guy, you're not gonna get me. No matter what kind of weird sex jokes you come up with, you still need to keep this story at a 'T' rating. You might be skirting it as much as you can, but, the instant you start actually writing the sex, that's when you lose. You can taunt me as much as you like, but it's not gonna work." Lincoln said.

"My, my, my. You've grown quite stubborn since our last encounters like these. Very well, you've given me no choice but to go for the 'Nuclear Option'."

Pulling out the last of the cards in his deck, The Guy snapped his fingers, aiming to make this the last time he would need to try anything else.

With reality changing once again, Lincoln found himself downstairs back in his own house; no one else seeming to be around him. Although the idea of a quiet Loud House was a rare phenomenon, and one unlikely to happen with the homecoming of Ronnie Anne, Lincoln took this event as a sign of victory on his part.

"Ha! You just sent me home? Is this your way of accepting defeat?" Lincoln asked.

"Hey, kid. You might wanna look down." The Guy said.

Looking down as The Guy recommended, Lincoln looked down to see Lily in her crib, happily looking back at her big brother and reaching up towards him.

"Poo-poo!" Lily said.

"Oh, c'mon, there's no way you'd go so far to use the baby. Besides, Lily can't do anything to me, she's just a baby. What do you intend to have her do, make me change an eternal amount of dirty diapers?" Lincoln asked.

"Tell me, kid, you ever see 'A Serbian Film'?" The Guy asked.

Somehow, acting on its very own will, Lincoln's hand began reaching its way towards Lily; the limb defiantly moving against its owner's wishes. Not understanding what new force was driving him along this path, Lincoln's reaction was a mixture of shock and confusion.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing to me?! Why can't I control my arm?!" Lincoln asked.

"This is my world, kid, anything goes. Right now, I'm doing what you might call 'assuming direct control'." The Guy said.

The independent arm of Lincoln Loud did not make any lewd or lethal actions on its own; instead only placing a finger within reach of Lily. Being only a baby, Lily began to innocently suck on the finger, satisfying her own oral fixation, but this innocent action was soon to be taken advantage of into something else.

Oh, yeah. I'm going here. And guess what? I'm taking you with me, you son of a bitch.

"Oh... I do not like where this is going." Lincoln said.

"I am." The Guy said.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?! Do you seriously want to write about a kid and his baby sister like this?! What are you, some kind of psychopath?!"

"No, sir. I'm just a strong believer in the freedom of expression. As long as you're putting it in art, do whatever the hell you want. You wanna make a baby get assraped by a giant muscular dude and poke through her like a rotisserie chicken? Go right ahead. You wanna show a woman getting vivisected and her organs being eaten and came on at the same time while she's still alive and watching? Go right ahead. You wanna show a cyborg-werewolf Adolf Hitler/Joseph Stalin clone-baby killing the entire human race with lasers that shoot AIDS and gas that makes people turn inside-out and violently masturbate until they die? Go right ahead. As long as nobody's getting hurt, do whatever you want. What's the point of making art if you're not using it to make the most insane, violent, disturbing, and emotionally scarring shit out there as possible?"

"Why would anyone want to make anything like that?!"

"Why? Because they can. And, more importantly, because it's fun."

The independently-acting arm of Lincoln Loud pulled back its finger from Lily's mouth, instead bringing the baby's head closer to him. The second arm, having its partner ready its victim, pulled down the zipper on Lincoln's fly, preparing to move the article of clothing out of the way.

"Right now, however, I don't want to make this story anything like that unless I have to. I might be throwing in my own crazy sort of humor and themes, but, at the end of the day, you're still part of a kid's show, and there's only so much I can add without making it out-of-place or too crazy. I do like your show, kid, I really do, but I'm trying to turn it into something bigger than what it is. But I can't do what I gotta do unless you cooperate. You made it nearly 30 chapters on your own so far, you're doin' just fine. So, what's it gonna be? Are you gonna keep going and give the reader a good story, or are you gonna get sucked off by your own baby sister?" The Guy asked.

Where the other scenarios were mere cakewalks before, this new situation was far, far worse than anything he could imagine. In the previous situations, it was him as the victim, but, here, he was unwittingly being made the victor. Even if this situation was a non-canonical offshoot to persuade him into continuing, Lincoln could never bring himself to do such awful and disgusting things to his youngest sister, 'real' Lily or not.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll do it, can we please just talk about this back in my room away from all this disgusting sex crap?!" Lincoln asked.

The Guy snapped his fingers one last time, reverting the scenario back to the main story.

Returning to the bedroom of Lincoln Loud and at last giving the owner of the room a sense of normalcy from the sexual chaos he was subjected to, Lincoln let out a deep breath to shake his mind of the affairs that he was forced through by the writer of the story. With his torture put to its end, and his mind doing its best to rid the effects of it from his mind, Lincoln finally caught his breath back up to speak again.

"Okay, kid. You wanted to talk?" The Guy asked.

"Just tell me one thing, Guy. Does it matter how I break up with Stella? I mean, story-wise? Like, what if she becomes some kind of vengeful supervillain in retaliation?" Lincoln asked.

"Well, all I can really tell you is that I wouldn't recommend straight-up dumping her without a second thought. That's not me acting as the writer's agent talking, that's guy-to-guy talk. Why don't you try to make it something where you can make the night good enough to where the news'll soften the blow?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying take her out to dinner. You know, someplace nice and fancy. Maybe, just maybe, you make her night good enough, and I'll see if I can work in something to make it softer on your end."

"You mean it?"

"Not really, but you don't have a real choice in the matter, do you?"

"Ngh... I guess not. Fine, I'll take her out to dinner. You know what? I'm gonna ask her right now."

Picking himself up off his bed, Lincoln headed straight to his phone, preparing a text to send to Stella.

"Hey, Stella, want to go to Anna Anong's Swedish-Thai Restaurant tonight at 7? I was planning something special." Lincoln read aloud.

Within seconds of sending his text message, he received a reply from the person it was sent to, getting a very enthusiastic reply at that.

Absolutely! I was, at risk of sounding like Lori, literally just about to ask you the same thing. Stella texted.

"Great, see you there." Lincoln texted.

Tossing his phone back on the desk, Lincoln turned back to The Guy, wishing to vent out his frustrations regarding his forced actions.

"Okay, I'll tell her there. You happy now? You happy, you crazy-" Lincoln began to say.

As Lincoln turned around, The Guy was nowhere more to be found; temporarily ending his influence on the story. While Lincoln felt some relief to see the psychotic self-insert disappear, he was left more concerns with the actions the apparition had made him take.

With the sound of a knock on his bedroom door, the troubles in his mind were put away only temporarily, addressing the knock with haste. Of course, upon answering the door, Lincoln found that his troubles would only be added to; finding Ronnie Anne standing at his door, looking to be extremely impatient and irritated.

"Hey, Lame-O, so not only have you been avoiding me for over a month on the phone and internet, but you won't even talk to me when I'm actually here. What's your deal?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Right. Well, uh, actually, Ronnie Anne, there's something I need to tell you." Lincoln said.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well... Uh... There's, uh... something sort of came up recently... It's honestly really-"

"EXCITING! THIS IS SO EXCITING! I LITERALLY HAVE THE BEST IDEA EVER!" Lori shouted.

Unable to contain her composure from the idea that sprung in her head, Lori ran back up the stairs, interrupting the two children before they could make their official reconciliation.

"O-M-G, you guys, I literally have a great idea for tonight." Lori said.

"Uh, you mind, Lori? We were kind of in the middle of something." Ronnie Anne said.

"Yeah, this is kind of important." Lincoln said.

"Well, you guys can talk about it later, I've got an idea. Your first date was your double-date with me and Bobby, right? Now that we're back in town, me and Bobby were thinking about going back again, since we're back in Royal Woods, so, we decided to make a reservation for another double date? Isn't it exciting?" Lori asked.

"Uh, yeah, real cool, Lori, when is it?"

"Tonight at 7, at, of course, Jean Juan's."

"Great, great, Lori, now can you- Wait a minute, did you say at 7?"

"I did, so I hope you guys are literally ready to go soon. Ronnie Anne, you wanna help me dig up your dress?"

"Yeah, sure. Well, Linc, looks like we'll have to put off this conversation for a minute. I'll be right back."

With Lori and Ronnie Anne leaving to retrieve the latter's luggage for a nice dress, Lincoln was left alone once again; none of his problems resolved, but now added to again. Before the two left, however, Lori peeked around the corner one last time, giving Lincoln a terrifying look and threat to make her idea work well.

"Lincoln, you better dress nicely again. I will literally turn you into a human pretzel if you ruin this double-date like you nearly did last time." Lori said.

With the eldest sister returning to her habits of threatening her younger siblings into submission, Lori returned back downstairs, assisting Ronnie Anne in retrieving her dress. Now, after much unwanted sexual torture from an insane fanfiction writer (although that's really an oxymoron), Lincoln was left to handle not one, but two different dates at the same time, needing to find a way to work out the romantic mess he had tangled himself in.

"Dangit." Lincoln said.