ACTUAL BREAK and LEARNING TO LOVE:

Venting because this is what I do best and I feel like no one will read I just need to get this off my chest to public domain. Girl this is my diary at this point let me tell you what's on my mindddd.

I was reading reviews from the old fic, Lust and Fire, and I realised I need to actually take a break now. I'm driven by ego and I don't like it. I keep going onto the Game of Thrones work and comparing why mine doesn't have as many reviews, likes, follows as it did. I need to get in tune with myself and find happiness with what I already have – I'm actually very proud with what I achieved and need to get my head out of the sand. So will actually stick to my word now and leave for around two weeks, I'll write the chapters I just won't post them. During I will be doing heavy updating and revising.

This is my first ever actual fanfic; I can't believe it started in 2017! Craziness. I'm very proud of myself and where I've gotten, even if it's taken three years to put on my big girl boots.

I just want to thank everyone and wish you all happiness and health – especially now when the world is at a standstill.

I hope you are all doing okay, are connecting with friends and family, connecting with your true self – whatever that may mean for yourself, and taking care of yourself physically and mentally. Mental health is something very raw and new to me as I have been battling depression and PTSD for some time now and I'm not going to keep it in anymore – even if who I'm telling it to don't know me. We are all human, we struggle but our flaws are our strong points.

Reach out (I know it's hard) when you need help, heck message me if you'd like a stranger to talk to or bitch to, I will happily listen.

I'm taking the time to truly understand life isn't about how LOUD the applause is but who is clapping. I've had some amazing people encouraging me and pushing me along the way, y'all are really amazing and I thank you so much. Even the smallest thing will literally make my day and it is so uplifting you don't even know.

Let's take care of ourselves and each other, the world is showing us we need to start doing so. I will now get a diary, so I stop venting to you guys hehe. Happy reading (I'll be on here reading as well, some of you girlies are amazing writers like dang okay miss go get published!) and collating (finally) some new fics.

Oooh! One more thing, let me tell you manifesting works! I wrote down a few months ago, when I was heart broken (heart been broke so many timessss I I ...) asking/begging God for a new man. I said Lord send me a man who loves nature, will show me that social media is rubbish and help me find my true purpose in this life. And won't the Lord do it, I got a message from an artistic soul ... Mr Big Dick energy he self, wow this man is everything I wanted and MOORORRREEE whew! He doesn't go on his phone a whole bunch, is an artist, got shmoney okay and so kind. Anything I say he'll be like "wow heart eyes amazing I love u snooker doodle best sewer in the land make me a cloth from ur craftmenship" and I'll be like ... sir let me get down on these KNNEEESSS ah!

Then I did a ghetto thing and separated that manifestation from manifestation for a guy who was really into BDSM. God said ... u confuse me so here have two very different men and PICK! I'm telling you be specific when asking for something from whomever / whatever you ask from because they'll give it to you in however form you ask.

This other guy, freak! The most freak of freaks in the land of freaks I just sit there and think ... u r nasty SIRIRIRIRIRIRI! I'm in love with bof of them ugh ... I am looking away in shame ... can I just blend them into one?

Anyway, time to start this essay finally.

Learning to love and be happy with what I have is going to be hard but it must be done. I am being honest and it hurts to not just say "yeah im free" nope I am not so I must cleanse now. Again I wish you all the happiness and safety in the world.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones.

To see how it goes follow me on twitter goddess_venusss I follow back and im tryna make some internet international friends.

Ps. Yes ... I would still let Rhaegar spit in my mouth (that man is a DIVINENNENEN being in my head he can do no wrong, ever!)

:PPPPPPPPP