Jade sat on the edge of the bed, exhaustion filling her that was out of proportion given it was only just turning midday. Her therapy session with Lane had not gone well, almost two hours of the conversation going in endless circles; even Lane had seemed defeated by the time he called it quits. Now she was waiting on a visit from Dr Griffiths to confirm her impending release while Beck was making the short trip to the cafeteria to get himself something for lunch; Jade had once again lost her appetite for her own lunch. It wasn't that she wasn't hungry, it was just as though her thoughts were too heavy in her mind for there to be room to think about eating. It was a welcome distraction when Dr Griffiths entered the room, clipboard in hand and a no-nonsense demeanour that Jade had grown to appreciate more than she realised.
"How are you feeling today Jade?"
Jade was certain she'd started to grow immune to that question. The question that only a week ago had set her teeth on edge, that had filled her with an almost violent impulse towards the asker but now it just passed her by with little more than a flicker of irritation.
"Alright I guess." Jade had long since learned there was no point in ignoring the question, it only made the whole process more drawn out. She had tried answering with the truth, the truth being that she didn't know, but that only seemed to invite more interference. A vague statement which was genuine enough to pass muster while positive enough that it deflected too much additional concern was the middle ground she'd discovered.
"How have the headaches been? Better or worse than last time I saw you?"
"Better." This wasn't a total lie; the headaches had been getting much less frequent and although they were still very painful when they did occur. Jade suspected the headaches were now less to do with the surgery and damage to her head when she fell and more to do with the lack of sleep she was now battling.
"Your medication chart looks quite bare." Dr Griffiths frowned unsure as to whether her patient had simply been refusing additional painkillers or whether she genuinely didn't require them; the Doctor suspected it was more likely to be the former. Still, she'd circle back to that.
Dr Griffiths meticulously inspected the surgery site and then the second stitched cut before assessing her shoulder. Overall, it seemed like good news.
"The incision is ready for the staples to be taken out, I'll let the nurse know and they can be removed this afternoon." Dr Griffiths allowed herself a small smile "By leaving them in a little longer it has improved the binding of the skin, in another 4 weeks it should be fully healed. You need to be careful going forward not to submerge it for any length of time in water and be careful while brushing your hair; no heat or strong chemicals for at least the next six weeks to be safe."
"But I've been showering?"
"Showering is fine as it is limited exposure to water, just continue to be careful not to disturb the skin as it will be delicate while it fuses together."
Jade nodded, somewhat intrigued by the visual of her skin fusing itself together.
"The stiches on the smaller cut have dissolved completely, still use some caution but within a week the scar will have started to fade back."
This didn't really matter to Jade; her hair was still thick and for the most part the cut was already obscured by her hair. She'd only seen it properly when her hair was wet and therefore clumped together.
"Emma is happy with the speed of your shoulder recovery, the physio is working well but you need to keep it up every morning and every evening, ideally you'll also start adding in some of the exercises throughout the day with your hand to prevent muscle wastage."
Jade blinked; it was a lot of information to take in. Dr Griffith's noticed her somewhat lost expression and further clarified,
"You'll be given a detailed leaflet and Emma will speak to you about it as well."
Jade relaxed somewhat; she didn't think she would have been able to remember it all even if she tried.
"We will have you back here as an outpatient once a week for a check-up for the next few weeks, we should be able to combine a physio appointment with a monitoring of your surgical incision."
"So, I am going to leave tomorrow?"
Dr Griffiths smiled, assuming Jade was asking as she was anxious to leave the hospital.
"Yes, I think so, I'm happy enough with where you are in your recovery to discharge you."
Jade didn't respond, taking a moment as she tried to absorb the information. She did feel some relief, the cabin fever was becoming unbearable, but there was still a part of her that had been quietly hoping something else would come up. Something that might mean she had to stay a little longer.
Dr Griffiths watched her with interest, slightly thrown off by her total lack of reaction to the news. It served as a reminder that there was one other thing they still had to discuss.
"There is one condition to your release."
Jade's head snapped up, a small frown knitting her eyebrows together.
"Your medication chart shows that you have not been taking anything beyond that which has been directly prescribed." Her no-nonsense tone was back, the professional façade now firmly in place.
"At the moment, I'm reasonably satisfied that this is mostly genuine but, in light of this, I will be adding to your prescription that you will take away with you."
Jade's frown deepened.
"I'm adding a different painkiller that you can take for your headaches, it is stronger than over-the-counter pain relief and specifically targeted for pressure headaches; I expect you to take it when the pain goes above a 7 on a scale of 1-10."
Jade's lips twitched, as though she was holding back from saying something, which didn't go unnoticed by Dr Griffiths.
"On a scale of 1-10, where 10 is unbearable and 1 is a mild pain, a '7' is when the pain starts to become disabling and you are unable to carry out normal tasks. Have you been having headaches that would meet that description?"
Jade waited a moment before nodding somewhat reluctantly.
"Not all of them."
Dr Griffiths seemed to accept this as the truth.
"No, not all of them will be, but if you are experiencing pain that is stopping you from participating in daily life and not treating, it will severely impact your recovery in all areas."
Jade nodded again, slightly chastised as she thought about all the wakings in the middle of the night she'd experienced where she had just laid as still as possible hoping that at some point the pain would break.
"The other medication is an optional sleeping pill."
"I don't need it."
This time there was no hesitation in Jade's voice; she didn't want anything that put her to sleep, that took away her control over her own body. Dr Griffiths held up her hand to stop Jade from saying anything further.
"Hear me out, it's based off of an anti-histamine and there has been no link to addictive or dependency behaviours. You do not have to take it every night, or even every other night but you should take it when needed; sleep deprivation can be debilitating long term."
'What happens if I can't sleep every night?'
Jade bit her lip to stop her thoughts spilling out; it would only encourage further questioning. She already knew she wasn't going to take it. Quite frankly, she didn't give a damn what scientific studies said, anything could be addictive if you got hooked on the feeling and she wasn't going to end up like her mother.
"I've spoken with your counsellor and he agrees this is the best option, it gives you control over when and if you take it."
'Yeah, until you all decide I'm too crazy to make my own decisions.' Jade thought bitterly, unwilling to be drawn into further conversation. She gave a half nod and then let herself pretend to become distracted by swinging her socked foot, so it dusted the floor.
"Your first prescription will be dropped off by a Nurse and updated at each outpatient appointment. It will include information on which medicine is which and when you should be taking them. If you have any problems in the meantime you can contact me directly by calling the main switchboard."
Jade nodded again, still not looking up. Dr Griffiths resigned herself to the fact she would probably not get much more out of the young woman in-front of her. She was reasonably satisfied that Jade would follow her instructions, no matter how reluctantly.
"In that case, I'll see you in about a week at your first out-patient appointment. Take care Jade."
"Thanks." Jade muttered although it wasn't entirely sarcastic. She almost wanted to say more to the Doctor, but she couldn't think of the words.
No sooner had Dr Griffiths left the room was Beck walking back in clutching a brown paper bag and a cup of hot water.
"Everything okay?" He didn't expect to find Jade still perched on the side of the bed, in exactly the same position as when he'd left.
"Yeah, she was just giving me a check-up."
Her words did nothing to assuage Beck's concerns as he noted her disinterested tone and blank face.
"All good?"
"So, she says."
"But you disagree?"
Beck was well aware he might be pushing it a bit too far, but Lane's earlier advice had stuck in his head; treat it like a normal day. Jade simultaneously realised she'd said too much without realising but she couldn't take it back now. It was something she was sure she both loved and hated about the new place her relationship with Beck was in now; knew so much now, it was too easy to talk to him about things she would rather not talk about at all. She bit down on her lip, worrying it with her teeth.
Beck ignored her lack of response, quietly confident she'd talk in her time, and set about retrieving the last of the tea bags from her box to drop into the water. He placed it within Jade's reach on the table and then toed of his shoes to lift himself up onto the bed next to her, sitting just close enough so their knees were touching but without crowding her.
"I don't think I know what 'okay' is anymore."
Beck stayed quiet.
"Sure, my head hurts less, and I can move my fingers with less pain; big whoop."
Beck bit back a small smile at her familiar sarcasm.
"But I can't fucking sleep half the time, sometimes my head hurts so badly l want to vomit, I hate being here but for some reason I don't want to leave either and-" Jade stops suddenly, forcing herself to take a deep breath.
"And?" Beck prompted gently.
"And my brain still feels like a complete mess." The anger was gone from her voice, now sounding like a lost child.
Beck reached his arm out and gently draped it around the small of her back, somewhat restricted by the fact he was closest to her broken shoulder. He ran his thumb up and down a small patch of skin over her t-shirt, trying to offer some comfort.
"I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are doing better."
"How do you figure that?"
"Because this time last week you could barely articulate what you felt like, it was like you were hiding in a shell."
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea at the moment."
"As long as it's big enough for two." He gave her a gentle squeeze and Jade tucked her head into him for a moment, allowing herself to relax in the familiarity that was Beck. It was only as she felt her back start to stiffen from the odd angle, she righted herself and reached for the cup, taking herself by surprise as she realised she actually wanted the fruit-flavoured beverage.
"We're going to have to get some more of those, that was the last one."
"Maybe they have something slightly less sweet?" As much as the drink had grown on her, it was occasionally overpowering.
"Hold up, is Jade West actually admitting she likes fruit tea?" Beck ribbed her playfully and was rewarded with a familiar dark scowl.
"It's only until I'm allowed coffee again."
"Did they say when?" Just like that, the mood flipped, and the momentary humour vanished.
"When I start functioning like a normal person and sleeping eight hours a night."
"It'll happen Jade, you've just got to give it time."
"How much time?" That was the question Jade really wanted answered above all others. Everyone kept saying 'give it time' like it was a soothing catch-all. Lane had said it, Emma, Dr Griffiths and even Beck but how long was 'time'? How long could this carry on for?
"As long as it takes."
"That's a really dumb answer." She tried to inject some humour again, but it fell flat and Beck pulled her closer again.
"I know."
It was another afternoon that seemed to pass Jade by without really realising it. Emma came and went without much fanfare; she was given a leaflet on physio that Beck had busied himself reading as they went through the exercises. Before Jade knew it, the sky was turning golden and she'd spent most of the afternoon caught in a daze, having half-watched some more of the '80s television show re-run with Beck in an attempt to stay present as her mind fought to send her back to the darkness. It was successful a few times as Jade realised the next episode had started without her remembering the end of the previous one, but each time she managed not to linger for too long. Her mother's snarling face was swimming around her head, stopping her from shutting her eyes in case that was all she could see. She fought hard to stay awake, even as Beck's own eyes were drooping as he persevered with his theatre history essay, too afraid to think about what she might see if she let herself fall asleep. It was only when her evening meal arrived that she finally managed to snap out of her headspace enough to try and have a meaningful conversation with Beck.
"What's your essay about?" Well, somewhat meaningful.
Beck managed to ramble on about his essay for a solid twenty minutes, suspicious that Jade was more interested in a distraction than what his essay was actually debating. She nodded in mostly the right places, a few non-comitial noises here and there but he could see her heart wasn't really in it. She kept glancing out the window as the sun finally dipped below the horizon.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Huh?" Jade confirmed his suspicions that she had in fact, tuned him out in favour of staring at the sunset.
"Your mother, or whatever has been with you this afternoon I mean, I'm guessing it's the funeral thing." Beck winced as he made his way clumsily through the sentence but, to his relief, Jade didn't lash out.
"Tried that with Lane this morning and it didn't work."
"You could try again, I may not have Lane's expertise, but I promise not to ask you how something makes you feel."
Jade managed a faint smile at that although her face had adopted a troubled expression. She wasn't sure talking about it would help seeing as it hadn't so far but yet, Beck was right; he wasn't Lane. Jade let out a resigned sigh, trying to bring herself together enough to get her thoughts into actual words.
"I don't know how to remember her."
Beck stayed quiet, fighting the want to insist Jade simply forgets her as she was an abusive addict who ruined her life; of course, it wasn't nearly that simple.
"We had almost no relationship for so long, and the last year was… particularly bad." Jade's pause fuelled Beck's suspicions that she was downplaying how bad it had been although whether it was for her benefit or his own, he wasn't sure.
"And the more I think of her behaviour before the divorce, the more I'm realising just how fucked up she always was; the addiction didn't suddenly become a thing after they separated."
Jade was realising more and more how she'd built a largely unfounded narrative in her head, about her mother's problems were a result of the deterioration of her marriage, exacerbated at the time of the divorce but she could always remember her parents arguing. When Lane had asked her what came to her mind when she thought of her childhood, the first thing to pop into her head was the arguing, followed by the loneliness she used to feel.
"But that should make him the good parent." Jade's voice quivered slightly but she gritted her teeth in retaliation. She was so sick of feeling weak.
"And I have almost no good memories of him but there are a few of her and it's so fucking confusing."
"Good memories?" Beck couldn't help himself, but Jade didn't seem to mind the interruption.
"Sort of, maybe they aren't good to other people but, at the time" Jade trailed off, seemingly lost in thought again.
"Like what?"
"Sometimes, after they fought, she'd come upstairs to get me out and we'd have an ice-cream party on the floor."
"Get you out?"
Jade's cheeks coloured and she refused to look Beck in the eye, suddenly ashamed.
"When they were fighting, I used to hide under my bed."
Beck swallowed hard, fighting his own emotions as he could see in his mind's eye a small pale child with long brown hair, hiding under her bed with her hands clamped over her ears.
'Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.'
He'd brushed it off when she said it the first time, assuming it was more for dramatic effect than anything else but now he felt like he had been punched.
"How pathetic is it that?" Jade was getting angry again now. "My good memory is of her sometimes coming to comfort be after arguing with him for hours with strawberry fucking ice cream."
Beck had to agree with Jade, it was hardly the stuff happy childhoods should be made of.
"But I still can't bring myself to make a decision, and I don't understand why." Just like that, the anger had receded, replaced by a hurt and a confusion that made Beck want to hold her as tightly as he could. Instead he tried to clear his head, he was no use to Jade wrapped up in his own emotions, this wasn't about him anyway.
"Maybe it's a closure thing?"
"What do you mean?"
When she'd been talking, or at least attempting to talk through it with Lane in the morning, he had suggested that she wasn't ready to let go of all her negative emotions, to which she's snapped at him as to whether he would have been able to if he was in her position. If that was what Beck was suggesting she might throw something again.
"When Papi William died, we all found out by a phone call from my aunt. Obviously, Mom was in bits as he was her father and Dad was really emotional too, but I didn't know what to do, or what to feel; I felt lost until the funeral when I actually said goodbye."
Jade looked at him, watching as he held back the sadness in his eyes. She understood what Beck was saying but Beck had loved his grandfather, although she felt it crass to say it out loud. As always, Beck picked up on the unspoken words.
"I know it's different between you and her." He was careful to imitate Jade's current way of referring to her mother, unsure as to whether she was doing it consciously or not. "But maybe you need to get closure in some way."
"What, like going to see the body?"
Beck recoiled instantly, he had memories of his grandfather's open casket and at nine years old, he could remember being thoroughly creeped out and the man who seemed like a poor imitation of his grandfather. Goodness knows what her mother would look like, unprepared for presentation and having died from a drug overdose.
"Not necessarily, but maybe something before her body is, well, disposed of."
"I wonder if she'll go in the family plot." The way Jade said it was almost absentminded, as though this hadn't occurred to her before.
"There's a family plot?"
"On her side, but she fell out with my Grandad when she got married, but they must have made up at some point as he let her live in the house." Jade was suddenly very matter of fact, but Beck was confused.
"You've lost me."
"As far as I know, there was an issue with credit or something when they bought the house when they were first married, my grandad helped them out by releasing some money from the inheritance early but he didn't like my father, so the house was tied up until I turn 21 so it couldn't be sold."
"You didn't know him, did you?"
"Not that I remember, I think I was three, maybe four when he died but I know the Stevensons' had a family plot where they were all buried, somewhere out in Santa Monica." Jade snorted at her own story.
"Apparently he wanted them all to be buried where he made his wealth."
Beck nodded, feeling unsettled that this seemed like the most he'd ever leant about Jade's family in on go, the familiar feeling of guilt quietly stabbing away once again.
"Maybe that's what we should find out next, if there is anything that has to happen and then go from there?"
"It doesn't help make the decision."
"It might, once a plan is made it might make it more real."
Jade didn't say anything, not wanting to ruin Beck's efforts at trying to help, but her whole problem at the moment was everything was far too real and there was no escaping any of it. They fell back into silence for a while before Beck suggested they get sorted for bed. It was only once she was settled down against Beck, listened to his quiet voice detail the climax of The Canterville Ghost that she finally realised what was still eating away at her. Beck was right, it was a closure issue but not quite the same as he had thought. Her mother had died without leaving any note behind as her death was accidental, she'd been dead before Jade probably even woke up in the hospital and that meant Jade had no right of reply. She couldn't ask her anything, couldn't scream at her like she wanted to, couldn't shout until she was hoarse or until her mother caved and answered her questions, questions she so desperately wanted answered. Why had she pushed her down the stairs? Was it really an accident or did she just want her out of the way? If it was an accident, why did she leave her there to die? Did she ever love Jade at all?
Beck's voice had faded to all but a faint buzz in the background as question after question rocketed around her mind, filling her with a hunger for answers that was met only with an equal frustration that she'd never get them. She'd never know what her mother's intentions were, what her motives were, whether the drugs were a habit that got out of control or whether she chose that path to escape her life and her daughter. It was also the end of a very small, very childlike hope that one day she would snap out it, that one day she might just be her mom again. Jade suddenly felt the loss like she'd not felt it before, like a great chasm had opened up inside of her and was swallowing her from the inside out. Amanda West was never coming back and the last conversation they'd ever shared had been filled with hate. Jade's whole body quivered as she felt tears springing back to her eyes. She was furious at the tears; furious she was still wasting them on someone who didn't deserve them, but someone she couldn't seem to let go of. In that moment, she hated herself as much as hated her mother.
Beck stopped reading as he felt Jade's body shake but his question died on his lips as he saw the glow of lamp bouncing off of the moisture on her cheeks. Wordlessly, he closed the book and moved it aside before putting his remaining arm around her, to hold her as she fought against the tears.
Beck almost breathed a sigh of relief when his phone beeped, signalling it was 7am. The night had been long, with Jade struggling to stay asleep as she fell in and out of nightmares that she just couldn't tell him about. He had settled for passing glasses of water when she was awake and encouraging her to drink. Twice, he'd insisted she got up to the bathroom to splash water on her face, but nothing seemed to work. He had no doubt the events of the previous day had brought this on, and he knew it was not a good start to what was already going to be a challenging day. He glanced down at figure, now curled away from him facing towards the window, eyes wide open but blank. He twisted and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, lingering for a few seconds in the hope of bringing her out of her head.
"Hey." Her voice croaked, whether from tiredness or lack of use, Beck couldn't be sure. She'd barely said anything all night outside of the nightmares.
"Hey" He lifted his lips slightly, so they were barely brushing her hair but didn't want to withdraw completely, relishing the closeness to her.
"Think we better get started on the day?"
"I guess." While Beck wasn't expecting any real degree of enthusiasm from her, Jade's blatant apathy still managed to worry him. After the events of the day before, he was seriously concerned how Jade was going to cope moving into her father's house. He was immeasurably glad that he was able to be with her today, although he knew he was expected in school on Thursday, for his second day of the week. He'd thought long and hard about appealing it, even skirted around the topic when he'd been texting his mom, but she'd put her foot down the minute she realised. Grudgingly, Beck knew she and his Dad had been more than flexible already and, despite the general dislike of Jade, had been firmly fighting in his (and therefore Jade's) corner with the school. Beck was determined that today would go as well as it possibly could; he wasn't going to be abandoning Jade in a strange house for anything.
He pulled away slightly, moving off the bed while surreptitiously checking to make sure Jade was actually getting up to. Her movements were slow, her shoulder obviously giving her more trouble than normal and Beck was certain it was because of the poor sleep; he'd been doing a lot of readings concerning the injury recovery and sleep was the number one thing mentioned across everything he'd laid his hands on.
Beck managed to muddle through their morning routine, trying to stay upbeat without over doing it lest Jade get annoyed with him. As it was, Jade was too distracted to really take much notice, although she did stare at him when he was slightly too enthusiastic at the arrival of her breakfast tray. Both of them kept glancing at the clock, knowing Lane would be along soon with Jade's father. The time seemed to both run too fast and too slow as Beck packed Jade's bag; Jade had protested this, but Beck had won when he pointed out she couldn't really do much one handed. He was just zipping up the bag when Lane walked through the door, followed by Emma who had a pharmacy bag in her hand.
"Good morning you two."
"Hey!"
Beck's exuberance didn't escape Lane who raised an eyebrow before shaking it off.
"All set Jade?" Jade hadn't acknowledged his presence at all but looked up at her name and gave a brief nod.
"I've got your medication Jade." Emma stepped forward "I know Dr Griffiths has been through it all with you but there is another information sheet in there that tells you when to take each one."
"Thanks." Jade reached out her hand to take it, much to Beck's surprise although he was trying carefully to look as busy as possible.
"I probably won't see you again as your out-patient appointments will be managed by Dr Griffiths or one of her team, so I just wanted to wish you well with the rest of your recovery." She then lowered her voice slightly.
"I know you've got a long way to go but I have absolutely no doubts that will get there."
Jade blinked in surprise.
"Uh, thanks and thanks for, you know." Jade gestured awkwardly but Emma seemed to understand, offering her a warm smile as she said her final goodbyes to Lane and left. Jade felt more than a bit awkward, her thanks must have seemed the opposite of sincere but for some reason the words wouldn't come easily to her; her brain still in a fog from the lack of sleep.
"Jade did you hear what I said?"
Her head snapped up, genuinely surprised Lane had even been talking, let alone to her.
"Your father has a car waiting outside for you."
"He's not here?"
"No, he's at his office although apparently his housekeeper will be waiting at the house."
Lane kept his expression determinedly neutral, but Beck could see straight away that the counsellor was once again disapproving of Jade's father. Beck was in two minds, as while he agreed it was a shitty move from her father (although he wasn't remotely surprised), he thought it might be easier to get Jade settled without him looming over the entire experience.
If Jade was surprised or hurt, she didn't let it show, simply getting to her feet and glaring at the wheelchair that Lane pushed towards her.
"No."
"Jade, it's hospital procedure."
"I don't care, I've managed perfectly fine the last two days without it."
"Jade-"
"No." Her voice was firm enough that Beck didn't even try to intervene, instead swapping the bags so they were arranged over his opposite shoulder so Jade could hold onto his arm if needed. Slowly, the trio left the room and walked down the corridor.
"I'll be signing your discharge papers, but we will forgo a session today as you've got enough on for now; I'll be by the house tomorrow at 10am and we will carry on as normal."
"Still every day?"
"Yes, for now I think that's best."
To Beck, discharging Jade seemed all too simple for the length and intensity of the visit. As he thought about everything that had happened within the hospital walls, everything Jade had been through, everything he'd been through, it seemed weird that all it took was two signatures and she could just walk out. The sunlight was intense already, causing Jade to wince just as a sleek Tesla pulled up in-front of them.
"Mr Brooks?" The window slid down revealing a man dressed in a smart suit.
"Mr Alexander, Ms West?"
"Yes, that's us."
The man jumped out and moved to take the bag off of Beck.
"I'm Mr Brooks, your father has arranged for me to take you to his house." The introduction was redundant, and Jade didn't bother replying.
"Thanks, we're glad you could be spared." Beck attempted to make conversation out of politeness.
"It's no trouble, my company provides executive transport to select firms in throughout Los Angeles and Gage Whitney Pace is one of those firms."
Beck nodded, choosing not to say anything further at the risk of being accidentally rude.
"Right, if you need me in the meantime you can both reach me on my cell." Lane looked both of them in the eye, suddenly apprehensive about leaving the two teens alone outside of the safe confines of the hospital. Jade nodded and Beck added his own thanks.
"Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow at the house Jade, and Beck, I'll see you at school." He gave Beck a firm stare.
"Yes, I haven't forgotten Lane, I promise."
"Alright then, you best be going."
As Jade slid into the expensive leather seats, she felt her stomach unsettle; nothing felt right. Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkened interior, coated windows preventing the sunlight from penetrating all the way through. The car even smelt new, a mix of leather and some sort of citrus scent that reminded Jade of the hospital cleaner. As the car pulled away, Beck took her free hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. Jade looked at him, green eyes meeting brown.
"Hey."
"Hey." Her reply was flat, her eyes betraying the disquiet she felt.
"It's going to be okay Jade."
Jade didn't answer, instead turning slightly to look out the tinted window as they joined the LA traffic. She wanted to believe Beck; she really did but, at that moment, 'okay' seemed completely impossible.
I cannot believe we are on chapter 30! This chapter is a little shorter but it's an important chapter for Jade, and therefore quite an introspective one for her. We are firmly over half way through although I'm still not sure how many chapters this will end up being...
Anyway, a really big thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter (and who has reviewed and been reading so far.). I can honestly say I never would have got this far without all the support. Thanks for sticking with it and I'll see you all on the next chapter.