A/N: Another update! Thanks for all the reviews!

Gone

Chapter 26: Crossroads

December 29th, 2005

0911 Local

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

Mac stepped into the bullpen, her eyes scanning the place where she'd once worked and thrived. Not much had changed; the walls were the same color as before, the desks in the center of the room arranged the same, and yet it seemed oddly foreign. Perhaps it was the people milling about; she didn't recognize any of them, which was probably for the better. Her gaze landed on her former office where Harm's nameplate now hung on the door, her lips curving up at the sight of it briefly before the dark thoughts of her last months there filled her mind. She looked away, noting that she hadn't been noticed yet, and continued her perusal of the room. She didn't know what, exactly she was looking for; she was certain Harm wasn't here, but she continued to take in the sights around her, her skin suddenly starting to prickle as it had so many times before she'd left this place, and she knew…

They were staring again.

It made her angry, furious even, but as the room grew silent, she maintained her calm façade, though she wondered if her heart would soon be pounding out of her chest.

No one moved or spoke for long interminable minutes and Mac nearly jumped when a short gasp followed by the sound of shattering glass finally broke the silence.

Harriet…

Mac's dark chocolate eyes met Harriet's shocked blues, and the rush of conflicting emotions made her almost dizzy.

She was sad.

She was hurt…still.

And she was angry…even more so than she'd been when everyone started staring at her again.

Mac made no move as her eyes remained locked with Harriet's, feeling nothing more as she watched the tears flowing from the younger woman's eyes.

"Mac?!" Harriet choked out, and Mac could only nod. "Where…why…how?" the blonde continued, and Mac merely shrugged. She wasn't about to tell anyone where she'd been these last two and a half years.

"Oh, it doesn't matter." Harriet's face broke out in a brilliant smile. "We're so glad you're back!" With that she stepped around the remains of her mug and coffee and in a few quick strides, she was directly in front of Mac, throwing her arms around her and pulling her into a fierce embrace.

Mac couldn't help how she stiffened within Harriet's arms, and Harriet obviously noticed. Her arms dropped down and Mac stepped away from her, shaking her head at Harriet's murmured apology.

"I'd like to see the admiral if he's available," Mac said as if Harriet's embrace never happened, and a tentative voice came from her left.

"I'll tell him you're here, ma'am." It was Jennifer Coates, and her tone was far more respectful than it had been the last time Mac had spoken to her. The petty office disappeared into the anteroom of the admiral's office, and Mac turned her attention back to Harriet.

"You're looking well, ma'am," Harriet said after an awkward silence.

"Thank you," Mac responded. "I know I'm a little late, but congratulations on your daughter." Mac only spoke to fill the awkwardness while she waited for the admiral to make an appearance.

"Oh…thank you." Harriet bit her lip. "We, um, we named her— "

"I know," Mac cut her off, not wanting to hear any more.

"Oh." Harriet's brow furrowed. "Wait, how did you— "

"Mac. It's good to see you." Admiral Chegwidden stepped into the bullpen, Coates by his side. His expression was unreadable as he moved to stand before her with his hand out to greet her. Her arms remained stubbornly by her side, and eventually he let his drop.

"Could I speak to you in your office, sir? In private?" Mac asked, but the admiral just blinked at her.

"What? Oh, yes…yes, of course," he answered after a few moments. He motioned awkwardly toward his office, and the two of them crossed the bullpen together.

With every step she took, Mac felt everyone's eyes boring deeper and deeper into her back.

Mac and Admiral Chegwidden eyed each other across the admiral's desk, neither wanting to be the first to speak. Mac forced herself not to squirm, but the baby chose that moment to kick her hard under her ribs. She abruptly sat up, her back straightening as her hand went to her abdomen and pressed in. Her little boy kicked again under her hand even harder than before and she winced at the jolt of pain. The way she could feel the little one there already in her pregnancy was yet more proof this was Harm's child; no one other than a child of his could have legs long enough to reach that high.

"Are you okay, Mac?" the admiral asked as she continued to rub away the discomfort. He looked genuinely concerned, yet Mac was still wary; she'd lost so much faith and trust in her former CO that she couldn't help but remain guarded.

"I'm fine…just an extra hard kick." The admiral nodded then looked down at his desk before raising his gaze to hers once again.

"I guess congratulations are in order…when are you due?"

"Thank you…and I'm due the end of March."

The admiral nodded and more awkward silence settled over them, until both of them tried to speak at the same time.

"I need— "

"Is Harm— "

The admiral chuckled uncomfortably and chuckled again when both motioned the other to go first.

"Please, Admiral," Mac finally said, and he nodded in acknowledgment.

"Thank you, Mac—and please, call me AJ. I'm no longer your, well…"

It was Mac's turn to nod then, though they both knew she'd likely never call him AJ now.

"So…"

"So…" Mac repeated, and Admiral Chegwidden cleared his throat.

"You've been gone quite awhile, Mac."

"I have." She wasn't going to make this easy for him.

"May I ask where?"

Mac shrugged. "It's really not important, sir."

She caught the flash of anger in her former CO's eyes and found herself glaring back at him defiantly in a way she never would have before.

"I'd say it's pretty damn important, Mac. We all thought you— "

"Killed myself? Don't think the idea hadn't crossed my mind."

The admiral looked up at her sharply. He looked a little stricken; in fact, he almost seemed distressed by her response. "Mac…"

"Well, I obviously didn't, so let's just forget about it, okay, Admiral?"

Admiral Chegwidden appeared to be a bit taken aback at the harshness of her tone, and Mac blew out a breath, willing herself to be calm. "Really, Admiral, l would like to just forget about that whole time. I'm in a better place now and I want nothing more than to be back there, but certain issues have come up that have forced me to come here again."

"I see," the admiral said as he looked pointedly down at her pregnant belly. "The baby's Harm's isn't it?"

Mac couldn't stop the startled gasp that escaped from her lips.

"He told me he'd found you."

"He did what?!" Mac was furious. How could Harm betray her like that?

The admiral held up his hands. "Mac, no, don't blame him…when he left for the carrier, he wanted someone to be able to tell you if something happened to him. He put your information into an envelope and I gave him my word that I wouldn't open it unless something actually did happen to him."

Admiral Chegwidden reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out a small Manila envelope. He held it up for her to see, turning it so she could see it in its entirety. "You see? It's still sealed."

Mac nodded in acknowledgment, still upset that Harm had given Chegwidden that info, but knowing he was right to do it; she would want someone to tell her about Harm if he'd been killed or injured. She only hoped the admiral would be discreet if he needed to make use of the contents of that envelope.

"I also gave him my word that I wouldn't tell anyone else about you."

As if your word counts for anything now…

It occurred to Mac that that thought was disingenuous. AJ Chegwidden had never actually lied to her. He had just let her down utterly. Completely.

Good lord, Mac…didn't we agree when we decided to come here that you would cut the self-pity? her inner voice admonished her. It was true…she didn't want to wallow in self-pity. She just wanted to talk to Harm and get out of here. "Okay, then. Thank you, admiral. Obviously everyone knows I'm alive and well now, but If, God forbid, something happens to Harm after this, I'd ask you not to give away my location."

The admiral's expression saddened at her request, but he agreed, and once again, silence stretched between them.

Admiral Chegwidden finally grew brave again and broke the silence, bringing attention back to Mac's baby.

"Does Harm know about the baby?"

"No, he doesn't. We, ah, it was over the Fourth of July holiday…"

"When you were together at the farm?"

Mac's eyes widened in surprise. Clearly Harm had given his CO a few more details about their relationship.

"I tried to call him in October, when I thought he'd be back from the Seahawk, but he hasn't…he never…" To her extreme dismay, her eyes filled with tears and she could no longer speak.

Her former CO's gaze turned sympathetic. "Yes, his stay there was extended, and then the scope of his mission, uh, broadened."

"Where is he now, sir?" she asked, finding her voice again as she fell back into old patterns of address.

"Classified," he said shortly, and Mac glared at him. Admiral Chegwidden sighed as he ran his hand over his bald pate. "Even I'm not exactly sure where he is from day to day." He looked up at her then and his gaze locked with hers. "But, Mac, I will do what I can to find him and bring him back here for you."

Mac was about to thank him when she heard him mumble something softly.

"God knows we owe it to you, after…"

"After what, sir?" she challenged him, not really sure she wanted this conversation.

The tension rose in the air between them, and as the moments dragged on, she grew more sure that the admiral wouldn't answer, but he surprised her.

"After the deplorable way you were treated after you returned from that cluster of a mission."

Mac's mouth opened and formed an O of surprise. "Sir…you didn't…"

"But I didn't do anything to stop it. I didn't do anything to help you…I know what happened there, and even if physically you were okay, you couldn't have come out of that unscathed."

"I didn't." Her thoughts went to all the nights that were filled with nightmares, the absent memories, the blackouts…the snide words, the scorn, the silent stares, the conversations stopped when she'd enter the room...no, she most certainly hadn't come through all of this unscathed.

"I am sorry about all of that, Mac."

"Um, thank you, sir— "

"And I know everyone out there is sor— "

Hearing about the others at JAG was more than she could handle today. She held up her hand and gave him an abrupt shake of her head. "Please, Admiral."

He stared hard at her a moment before he finally nodded. "Okay, Mac. I'll get started on getting Harm back here…until then, where are you staying?"

Mac hesitated before answering. "You won't tell anyone where— "

"Of course not, but you know, they'll want to…Harriet…"

"I know, sir. I'm just not ready for…if it weren't for…" She motioned to her belly. "I wouldn't be here now."

"Understood."

"Okay, then…" She gave him the details of her hotel, which he wrote down on a small piece of paper and slipped into his pocket.

"I'll call you as soon as I have some information for you."

Mac thanked him and stood up, more than ready to get out of here and retreat to the haven of her hotel room. The admiral stood as well and came around the desk. He held out his hand to her and this time she took it. They shook hands and then Mac tried to pull hers away, but the admiral wouldn't release it.

"Mac…It's…that is, it was good…well, I'm glad you're here."

Mac could think of many places she'd rather be than here, but she merely nodded and thanked him. She turned to leave, but he called her back again.

"Mac, Harm told me that you, well…broke things off."

Mac bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. "It wasn't…isn't fair to him to cut him off from his friends or have him constantly traveling…and I'm sorry, but after I leave here, I have no intention of ever returning."

"And where does that leave Harm?"

Mac thought about the ring she had packed in her suitcase and the note that accompanied it. "He says he won't let me go…"

"He's told me the same, Mac."

Mac smiled slightly at that. "You know, when I couldn't reach him and then he didn't call me back, I thought he'd decided I wasn't worth it, no matter what he'd said before."

"Mac…that man has been in love with you for years. He wouldn't— "

"Sir, he did. And I did too. We've screwed our relationship up so many times…"

"Mac, he's furious with everyone here, including me…and including himself. I sent him out to the Seahawk to get him away from everyone, but I couldn't blame him for his attitude. He was fairly distraught about your breakup, but he told me in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't accept it as being permanent. He's not going to screw things up again, and frankly I won't let him do that anyway." He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder that dropped away when she involuntarily stiffened. "Mac, I will get him back here. It'll be the last thing I'll do before I retire."

"Retire? You?" She was more surprised than she thought she'd be at such information.

The a nodded. "I've overstayed my welcome. My last day is January 13th. Not sure it's a good sign, though, that it's a Friday." He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Friday the thirteenth, huh? Well, best of luck anyway, sir."

"Thank you. I'll be in contact."

Mac thanked him and was about to pull open the door of the admiral's office when another firm kick from Baby Rabb caught her underneath her ribs. She hissed a bit as she tried to massage the pain away.

"Mac? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," she answered as she continued to run her hand over her belly. "He's just really strong and he has really long legs."

The admiral's face broke out in a wide smile. "So, it's a boy then?"

Mac couldn't help herself from smiling back. "Yeah, it is."

"Congratulations, Mac," he said warmly, and with another thank you, Mac left his office.

Back in the bullpen, Mac hoped she could slip away without being seen, but no such luck.

"Ma'am?"

Mac turned around to face Harriet. "Yes?"

"I—I was wondering…I know there's a lot to talk about…but for now I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight?"

"Harriet, I…"

"You could meet Jimmy and MacKenzie…and little AJ…ma'am, he really misses you. He still talks about you— "

The mention of her godson caused a jolt of pain to shoot through her and she knew in that she wouldn't be able to leave here without seeing the little boy. She took a deep breath.

"Harriet…I promise I'll visit little AJ before I leave…but not tonight…I'm a little worn out."

Harriet looked disappointed for a moment, but she nodded in apparent understanding. "Of course…" The younger woman's motioned to Mac's stomach. "When are you due?"

At that moment Mac had reached her limit. She needed to get out of there. Ignoring Harriet's inquiry, she said a simple 'goodbye', then turned on her heel and left the bullpen.

As she made her way down the hall to the elevators, she didn't notice Sturgis Turner slip out of the JAG offices behind her. He didn't follow her to the elevators; instead, he took the stairs and waited, then followed her out of the building.

When she left the parking lot in her rental, she was entirely unaware of the blue SUV driven that pulled out behind her, and she drove straight to her hotel, never guessing that Sturgis Turner had kept her in his sights the entire ride.

End Chapter 26