29 March 2019 (…Again)

"—Whoa! Hold the phone! Hold the phone!" Uncle Klaus mercifully interrupted before Uncle Luther (who bashfully paced as he talked) could ramble on any longer. Sitting atop the bar counter, Theodore contentedly busied himself with the (fifth) bowl of Milo cereal in his hands, well-aware that it was likely to be his last proper meal. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around, remember?"

"Klaus shockingly has a point" Uncle Diego agreed, fiddling with a dagger behind the bar in front of him. "What gives us a win this time?"

WHIR! WHOOSH!

"What the—?" Theodore's snapped up at the whirring sound above him. He was only able to glimpse swirls of blue that he'd come to associate with Uncle five and the wide-eyes of said uncle before he was suddenly flat on his back as his head banged noisily against the counter.

"Je—Jesus!" Auntie Allison cursed, jumping back in fright as Uncle Five—briefcase & all—suddenly landed on top of Theodore and sent his bowl of cereal flying from the bar's countertop.

"Ngh!" Theodore wheezed in tandem with his smallest uncle, who now lay atop him with a very heavy briefcase in between them.

"Guys?" Uncle Klaus queried as he rose from the chaise where he had collapsed, "Am I still high or do you see him too?"

"G'off!" Theodore wheezed, his head ringing with the sudden and unexpected impact—not to mention the added weight now pinning him down.

"Five!" Uncle Luther exclaimed as Uncle Five mercifully rolled off of him and stumbled into the waiting arms of his siblings. "Where have you been?"

"Are you all right?!" Auntie worried.

"Irrelevant" Uncle Five dismissed as he rose, snatching the half-empty coffee cup from her hands and downing it like a man starved.

"Theo? You good?" At the same time, Uncle Diego moved towards Theodore as he slowly sat up with a wince.

"Ugh, I think so" Theodore replied, wincing slightly when Uncle Diego gently ran his fingers over the newly formed bump on the back of his head. "Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark!" He jokingly hissed as Uncle Diego handed him a glass of water, but remained close.

"So" Uncle Five turned to face them, the smoke of his ashen blazer & fresh blood clogging Theodore's senses. "The Apocalypse is in three days and the only chance we have to save our world is, well, us"

"The Umbrella Academy" Uncle Luther supplied.

"Yeah, but with me, obviously"

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Theodore muttered as he turned back to face the small box TVnext to him, keeping one eye on the news report and the other on his (possibly) deranged uncle.

"If y'all don't get your sideshow acts together & get over yourselves, we're screwed!" Uncle Five continued.

"Well, isn't he just a little ray of sunshine?" Loren grumbled, earning a scoff from Theodore. "How long is this thing s'posed to take anyway? If we don't hurry, Helga'll leave without us!"

Theodore gripped tighter to the empty glass as his thoughts turned away from the scene playing out in front of him. He knew that Loren was right, if they wanted to get out of town before Mogadorian reinforcements showed up then they would have to go soon. When he had agreed to meet Helga at the edge of the city the night before, he had done so with the compromise that if neither Garde member arrived before the Greyhound bus for Dallas left; then the other would have to assume they weren't able to make and would therefore have to leave without them. It wouldn't do them any good if both of the Garde children were slaughtered in the days before the impending Apocalypse. But doing this meant that Theodore needed to find a time to slip away from his (suddenly) overprotective and overbearing family members—something that was becoming harder as the window of time for their planned escape grew smaller. If he ever wanted to see tomorrow, then he had to go now but how to escape without notice?

"…I've come back with a lead. I know who's responsible for the Apocalypse" Uncle Five triumphantly brandished a small slip of rumpled paper in the air, effectively drawing Theodore's attention back to him as Auntie quickly snatched the slip of paper from his hand. "This is who we have to stop"

"Harold Jenkins?" Auntie read out as both Uncles Luther & Diego crowded around her. A pale Uncle Klaus remained on the chaise, looking very much like he was about to decorate the floor in vomit.

"Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?!" Uncle Diego demanded, reading over Auntie's shoulder.

"I dunno" Uncle Five admitted. "Yet. But I do know that he's responsible for the Apocalypse. So, we have to find him and we have to do it now"

"But how is he connected to what's gonna happen?" Uncle Luther pursued.

"I don't know"

"So you just know his name? That's it?" Uncle Diego raised a brow skeptically.

"That's enough!"

"There's probably dozens of Harold Jenkins' in the city"

"Well, then we'd better start looking!"

"I'm sorry—" Auntie interrupted, sounding not-at-all apologetic. "—Am I the only one that's…skeptical here? I mean, how exactly do you know all of this about what's his name?"

"Harold Jenkins" Uncle Five reiterated as he shifted in discomfort, his hands hovering briefly over his side before returning to the conversation at hand. "Y'know those lunatics in masks who attacked the house?"

"Oh yeah, I think I remember those guys" Uncle Klaus tiredly sassed.

"Yeah the ones that attacked us while you were out getting drunk!" Uncle Diego accused.

"Yeah them" Uncle Five nodded, completely dismissing the latter half of the sentence. "They were sent by the Temps Commission to stop me from coming back and preventing life on Earth"

"Temps what?" Auntie asked.

"My former employer—they monitor all of space and time to make sure that whatever is s'posed to happen, happens. They believe the Apocalypse is coming in three days, so I went to Commission headquarters and intercepted a message for said lunatics: Protect Harold Jenkins. So he must be responsible for the Apocalypse"

There was a beat of silence following Uncle Five's explanation before everyone burst into chatter, and a million questions & comments were layered overtop of each other in their attempt to be heard. Uncle Diego went to pour himself a drink, seemingly distraught by the amount of information suddenly dumped on him whilst Uncle Klaus curled up on the chaise, tenderly hugging his waist. Both Uncle Luther & Auntie Allison continued to grill Uncle Five as the muted news broadcast covering the mysterious terrorist attack at Saint Gregory's ended, instead flipping over to some housewife commercial.

While his family was content to grill their resident time-traveller, Theodore turned to the busted briefcase languishing on the counter beside him, his thoughts running through the different possibilities he could achieve with something like this—that is, if what Uncle Five was saying was true. Absentmindedly, he called out to his uncle, the comment combined with his actions being enough to grant the ire of said uncle. "So instead of little blue boxes or busted deloreans you jump about time with briefcases?" Theodore shrugged, "I always liked the theory of quantum entanglement better"

"…What?" Uncle Five—alongside the others—turned to him wearing various expressions of confusion, surprise and shock tinged with amusement.

"I like watching Doctor Who" Theodore excused as he fiddled with the briefcase on the counter next to him. It was one of those old-style briefcases that was bound in black leather. Only this one was splattered with sticky blood and framed in blue glowing bullet holes. It seemed his time-travelling ideas were shot for the time being.

"Doctor what?" Uncle Five puzzled.

"Doctor Who" Theodore corrected, "Y'know, 1200 year old time-travelling alien? Police box that's bigger on the inside? Sassy eye-candy assistant? Any of this ringing any bells?"

"No"

"Seriously?" Theodore peered incredulously at his smallest uncle, "It's like the hallmark of time-travelling culture—I mean it has been running for 50-odd years, so that's probably why"

"Dad didn't let us watch 'useless shows' " Uncle Klaus supplied.

"Well, that's stupid"

"…You're aware of how insane this sounds, right?" Auntie Allison shook her head before turning to Uncle Five.

"Y'know what else is insane?" Uncle Five snarked, gently probing at his side. "I look like a thirteen year old boy, Klaus talks to the dead and Luther thinks he's fooling everyone with that overcoat—"

Don't forget the Loric—Human hybrid with a sentient rock sitting on your counter. Theodore silently added.

"—Everything about us is insane, it always has been"

"He's…got a point, there" Uncle Klaus agreed.

"We didn't choose this life, we're just living it"

"Preach it, sister!" Loren chirped. Theodore had to bite his lip to hide the smile threatening to overtake his face.

"For the next three days anyway"

"But the last time we tried to stop it, we all died!" Auntie reiterated, "Why would this time be any different? Why shouldn't I go home to my daughter?"

"Because this time I'm here, we have the name of the man responsible and we actually have a chance of saving the lives of billions of people…including Claire"

"You know her name?"

"I do, and I'd like to live long enough to meet her"

"…I'd also like to meet my cousin" Theodore raised his hand, but was mostly ignored.

Uncle Five's response seemed to be enough evidence for Auntie Allison as she practically jumped on the band wagon, Uncle Diego following not long after. "Alright" She nodded, "Let's get this bastard"

"You had me at Gerald Jenkins" Uncle Diego agreed.

"Harold Jenkins" Uncle Five corrected tiredly.

"Whatever. I've already lost two people this week, I'm not losing anymore"

"And Luther?"

"Yeah, you guys go" Uncle Luther sighed awkwardly shifting in place, looking for all the world like he'd been the last person picked for sports as his moon idea and leadership role were dismissed. "I'm gonna stay behind and go through Dad's files—I still think this has something about why he sent me to the moon"

"Seriously?" Uncle Diego asked incredulous. "You want to make the end of the world about you and Dad?"

"No, 'watch for threats' that's what he told me. You think it's a coincidence? It all has to be connected somehow!"

"I think you're reading too much into it" Theodore's mumbled reply was overthrown by Auntie's louder one.

"No, we should all stick together!" Auntie protested.

"—Look! We don't have time for this!" Uncle Five cut in.

"Let's roll!" Uncle Diego commanded, "I know where we can find this asshole—Klaus, you're with me"

"Yeah—yeah" Uncle Klaus gingerly rolled from the chaise as he gripped tight to his gurgling stomach with a groan and shuffled towards the bathroom. "I—I'm uh, good. I think I'll uh—I think I'll pass…feeling a lil' under the weather, so…eurgh!"

"Theo?" Uncle Diego then turned to him. The teen spared a glance towards the rucksack sitting innocently next to him as five pairs of eyes seemingly burned into his soul. He swallowed thickly, trying to rid his mouth of its dryness before he turned back to both of the uncles in front of him.

"Sure, why not? It's not like school's an option today anyway" Theodore shrugged, hopping down from the counter and slipped passed his uncles on the way out the door as he tried to fake the nonchalance he was so hoping to feel.