We're getting closer to the end... enjoy!
Chapter 35: The Watcher
Hitsugaya had spent the remainder of the morning, and part of the afternoon, thinking about what Yamamoto had given him: freedom. For now, he didn't have to worry about the many rules and regulations that dictated life in Seireitei. He didn't have to waste time cutting through the red tape to get permission to do anything. Yamamoto hadn't said it out loud, but Hitsugaya had gotten the message loud and clear: his only job right now was to train, regain control of his power, and become as strong as he could be so that he could face Aizen once again. What he'd done last night had proven to himself that the power was still there and that it was still at his beck and call. This time, when Aizen came back, Hitsugaya swore to himself that he would not let the man defeat him a third time. If Aizen dared show his face again, Hitsugaya was going to run his sword through the traitor's heart, plain and simple.
It scared Hitsugaya to think of what might have happened if Ukitake hadn't shown up when he did. He would never admit this to anyone, but he'd been so caught up in the rage and the sorrow that he hadn't known where he was or what he was attacking for a while after he'd started the destruction. A part of him trusted that Hyourinmaru wouldn't have let him unleash his power on innocents, but the dragon was also a bit out of sorts with all of Hitsugaya's swirling emotions that even his judgement hadn't been clear. Hitsugaya was well aware that what happened last night couldn't happen again, especially in front of Aizen. So along with training his power, Hitsugaya had to train his mind and his emotions. Burying his feelings had worked so far, but he couldn't risk confronting Aizen again with all of that uncontrolled rage inside of him. Yamamoto had called him impulsive and rash, traits that Hitsugaya didn't disagree with. He couldn't afford to be impulsive and rash, not anymore.
Yamamoto had called him a captain-level shinigami. That may have been true due to the amount of power that he had, but he had the control of a lower ranked seated officer. He could suppress it just fine, and kidou worked for him more often than not, but he wasn't quite as efficient with it as he had once been. Even shunpo gave him trouble now and again. His swordsmanship and hand-to-hand combat, the only things he hadn't lost when he'd lost his reiatsu, were better than they'd ever been, but he was going to have to relearn everything. The thought both horrified and excited Hitsugaya. He would never again take what he'd learned so easily the first time for granted.
His wondering had brought him to the gates of the 10th division, where he was hoping that the woman who had pointed out his power to him in the first place would be willing to help him with it once again. He nodded at the guards and the gate and they greeted him with a bow. He noticed the group of shinigami assembled in the courtyard and turned away, heading to Matsumoto's office. He'd not gone very far when a loud shout caught his attention.
"Hey, shorty, care for a rematch?"
He continued walking, hoping that the rude shout was meant for someone else, when the voice called out again.
"I'm talking to you, Hitsugaya."
That made Hitsugaya stop cold. He turned in the direction the shout had come from and saw Ito, the guy who had challenged him to a spar not so long ago and had cheated using kidou when Hitsugaya had solidly beat him with swordsmanship. He was standing with a group of men, most of them fairly new since Hitsugaya did not recognize them. The look of surprise on the majority of the faces of the men would have been humorous, if the arrogant look on Ito's face had not raised Hitsugaya's anger.
"Are you serious?" Hitsugaya asked as he walked closer to the group. "Did you not get your ass handed to you last time?"
"That's not the way it looked to me," Ito said. "You were the one carried out of here with your head bleeding."
Hitsugaya clenched his teeth, momentarily tempted to give in to his anger and let the guy have it once and for all. He remembered how angry Matsumoto had been the last time when he'd accepted the challenge, however, and didn't want to deal with an angry Matsumoto; not when he needed her help.
"That sounds like a great idea," Hitsugaya heard from behind him and turned to see Matsumoto and Hinamori standing at the edge of the courtyard. Matsumoto had her hands on her hips and was smiling widely. Hinamori looked a little more nervous about the possible fight, but she gave him a reassuring smile. "I think Ito needs to be taught a thing or two about humility," Matsumoto added.
"Ito, what's wrong with you?" one of the men in his group said. "Did you not feel that last night? That was him."
Not all of them are idiots, Hitsugaya though to himself.
"No way," Ito said, "the last time he was around he could barely even walk. He may have a fancier sword now, but I bet it's too heavy for him to use it properly."
That got Hitsugaya's eye twitching in annoyance. Of all the insults he'd heard in his life, this particular one had always rankled him just a little bit more than the others. He turned back towards the group and glared at them.
"So what do you say?" Ito asked.
"You want a fight, fine," Hitsugaya said and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Draw your sword, then," Ito said as he drew his own zanpakutou.
"I don't need to," Hitsugaya said. "You won't be able to lay a hand on me."
"You arrogant little shit, draw your sword!" Ito yelled.
"I will, when you're able to land a blow," Hitsugaya said, using his best 'bored out of my mind' voice.
Matsumoto, Hinamori, and quite a few of the other division members had come closer to the drama and were now standing around them, much like the last time they'd sparred. Now that Hyourinmaru had returned, Hitsugaya could read Ito's reiatsu loud and clear, and it was nothing to brag about… at least not yet. The man was way too inexperienced to be so arrogant. Hitsugaya would need to have a word with Matsumoto about addressing this particular problem before it got worse. Hitsugaya didn't expect respect, especially from someone who had a clear disregard for the history of the division, but arrogance like this would poison squads and lead to cliques, which always led to trouble.
Ito seemed to have gotten tired of waiting, because he went into shunpo and appeared directly behind Hitsugaya. He was slow, and Hitsugaya had no trouble using shunpo himself to get out of the way. He appeared behind Ito.
"Looking for me?"
Ito cursed and turned, swinging his sword wildly as he did so. Hitsugaya jumped over it and landed safely a few feet away. Ito came at him again and Hitsugaya had no trouble reading Ito and his sloppy swings. After a few more minutes of dodging and jumping over Ito's sword, Ito finally stopped.
"You're toying with me," Ito finally said, breathing hard.
"Yes, I am," Hitsugaya replied.
He raised his reiatsu a little bit as he walked towards Ito and was satisfied when the man flinched and took a step back. Ito slipped on the ice that had appeared under his feet but managed to stay upright. "Don't charge into things that you don't understand simply because you need to prove yourself right. That kind of arrogance has no place in this division."
Hitsugaya turned around and felt the energy that Ito was gathering for a kidou. Before the man could start the incantation, Hitsugaya turned and raised two fingers. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. The surprise only works once, and I bet I can fire my kidou before you can fire yours."
He continued walking towards Matsumoto and Hinamori, leaving the group in shocked silence behind him. He hated resorting to this and had, at some point, gotten out of having to use such immature displays of power to prove that he was not the child he appeared to be. Having to do it made him just as angry now as it had decades ago when he'd joined the ranks of shinigami.
"You could have been harder on him," Matsumoto said as they made their way back to her office. "You could have humiliated him. It wouldn't have hurt for the rest of the soldiers to see that your power has returned."
Hitsugaya shook his head. "Perhaps I should have been, if only to not invite that kind of challenge again. You need to deal with him before it gets worse, you know that, right?"
Matsumoto nodded. "He hadn't been this much of a problem before, but that attitude will not be tolerated. I will talk to his squad leader, once again, this afternoon."
"What are you doing here?" Hinamori finally spoke. "We were just going to look for you. We wondered if you were OK after what happened last night."
"I'm fine," Hitsugaya said. "More than fine, actually. Last night, while not exactly my best moment, showed me that I have complete control of my power once again."
"You look a little beat up," Hinamori pointed out as he moved some of the hair out of his face. "Are you sure you're fine?"
They settled on the couch in the office as Hitsugaya told them the abbreviated version of what had happened. Once he got to the part where he told them what Yamamoto had said to him, both women were stunned into speechlessness. He watched them, fighting the urge to smirk at the look on their faces. Hinamori was the first to break the silence.
"So you're telling us that, other than leave, Yamamoto-soutaichou said that you could do whatever you wanted?" she asked.
"Yes and no," Hitsugaya answered.
"Explain the 'no' part," Matsumoto said.
"You know that Aizen will come back to finish what he started with me, especially now that he knows that I have Hyourinmaru," Hitsugaya explained. "In Yamamoto's own way, he's giving me the freedom to handle that in any way I see fit."
"Calculating old coot," Matsumoto said after a moment. "He's telling you to get stronger in any way that you can to prepare for the confrontation."
"He's still using you as bait," Hinamori stated. "He's using you to draw Aizen here and that's not safe."
"The plan does have its drawbacks, of course," Hitsugaya responded. "However, I'm not helpless anymore, Momo. I need to end this once and for all, else I will always be looking over my shoulder wondering when he'll show up."
"I know, but I still don't like it," Hinamori said.
Hitsugaya gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "You can help me get stronger," he said. "My control is horrid right now and you're one of the best kidou practitioners that I know. You can help me regain that knowledge."
"You'll need to reacquaint yourself with your shikai and your bankai," Matsumoto pointed out. "We can help you train one but not the other."
Hitsugaya nodded. "I'm going to need help from one of the captains for that," he said. "Maybe Kyouraku will want to beat me around a little bit."
"For the right sake, I'm sure he will," Matsumoto said.
They talked for a while longer and, before long, they had a plan of action. Hitsugaya was grateful for these two wonderful, loyal friends and couldn't imagine his life without them. The re-education of Hitsugaya Toushirou had begun.
Several months later
"Tell me that's not all you've got!" Kyouraku shouted as he stood looking down at Hitsugaya's battered body.
Hitsugaya cursed under his breath, if only to stave off more mocking form the captain standing over him. Part of him wanted to just lay there and not move, thereby admitting defeat. But another, stronger, part of him insisted that he bowed to no one, not even one of the most powerful captains in Seireitei.
"You're enjoying this," Hitsugaya stated as he got to his feet.
"Of course I am," Kyouraku said and chuckled. "It's not often that I get asked to beat up on my fellow captains."
The ground was covered in ice, a testament to how uncontrolled Hitsugaya's reiatsu was when in battle. The only spot that seemed clear of it was a small radius around Kyouraku. Because, no matter how hard Hitsugaya had tried, he hadn't managed to land even one blow. The fact angered the younger man to no end, especially since, this time, they had a bit of an audience. Ukitake sat safely away from the battle zone sipping a cup of tea, while Ise Nanao sat beside him making notes on the clipboard she always seemed to carry. This was the first time, in the months that he and Kyouraku had been sparring, that Hitsugaya had allowed anyone to watch. Kyouraku had managed to convince him that Nanao was sharp and would notice small details that he'd miss while sparring, which could also be helpful to Hitsugaya.
Ukitake was just along for the ride, but Hitsugaya had gotten to the point where he didn't mind the older man's presence. He and Ukitake had gotten closer since that night that Hitsugaya had lost it in the cave, to the point where they both made it a point to spend one afternoon a week working on meditation. Meditation had helped calm Hitsugaya's rollercoaster of a mind and had deepened his connection with Hyourinmaru.
"Your stamina is weak," Kyouraku said, breaking Hitsugaya out of his musings. "You have a lot of reiatsu but your body still isn't strong enough to handle it all. It wasn't before the incident, but it's even less capable now. You tire very easily, which leads to a loss of control."
Kyouraku's blunt statements had, at first, angered Hitsugaya. However, he'd asked the older man for help and he had to be open to the criticism and honest thoughts of the man he was working with.
"How is the physical training going?" Kyouraku added.
"It's going," Hitsugaya said as he came up to stand beside the older man. "Kuchiki's trainer is brutal, but I think the weight training is helping. My body's limitations will always be there, but I've managed to find ways to compensate."
"I can see that in your sword work and in your movement," Kyouraku said. "You're still fast and very agile, but you leave yourself open every so often as you compensate for your knee."
Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow at that. "Really, how?"
Kyouraku raised his sword, which prompted Hitsugaya to do the same. "Come at me, but put all of your weight on your bad knee," Kyouraku said.
Hitsugaya complied and, as the sharp pain from too much weight on the knee inevitably came, he shifted his weight ever so slightly to his other leg. Kyouraku's blade was touching his side before Hitsugaya had even seen the sword move.
"There," Kyouraku said. "As you shift your weight, your weapon drops and creates an opening. It's not much, but it's enough that I was able to get past your guard and do this."
Kyouraku's blade poked just a bit, only to prove the point, before retreating.
Hitsugaya was dumbstruck. He thought he was compensating well, but of course someone of Kyouraku's caliber was going to notice.
"How do I cover that break in my guard?" Hitsugaya asked.
"I think you just did," Kyouraku replied. "Now that you're aware of it, you're not going to do it again."
To prove the point, Kyouraku came at him, forcing Hitsugaya to think quickly as he defended himself. Kyouraku was slow and deliberate in his attack, giving Hitsugaya time to think about what he was doing and the position of his body at all times. When his guard was broken, Kyouraku pointed out what he'd observed and they re-engaged to give Hitsugaya time to correct the mistake. By the time they finished, hours later, Hitsugaya was exhausted, but a lot happier with his sword work.
"I think that's enough for today, Toushirou-kun," the older shinigami said. "I trust that there will be a new delivery of sake in my quarters when I arrive."
Hitsugaya snorted. "Matsumoto doesn't pay me enough to keep you in the sake you prefer," he replied, referring to the job he'd taken up in the 10th division while he trained. "But yes, it'll be there."
"I'll have a conversation with Rangiku about your salary," Kyouraku said, chuckling as they reached Ukitake and Ise. "This work that you're doing for her is important work and deserves to be rewarded handsomely."
"I doubt I could have afforded to keep you in sake even when I was getting paid a captain's salary," Hitsugaya said. "Helping her train the squad doesn't pay nearly as much."
"My services are well worth it, I'm sure," Kyouraku said as he read over Ise's notes. "See, I told you she was sharp," he added as he handed Hitsugaya what she'd noted.
He read her neat handwriting and had to admit that the woman did know her stuff. She caught a few things that even Kyouraku had missed, and had even made suggestions on how to improve them.
"Thank you," Hitsugaya said as he handed her back the clipboard. "Good observations; I'll take your suggestions and rectify the issues right away.
"Good," she said "I'm not as good as my boss, but stop by if you want to discuss any of the suggestions."
With that, both Ise and Kyouraku disappeared in a flash of shunpo, leaving Hitsugaya alone with Ukitake.
"You look exhausted," Ukitake said as he handed Hitsugaya a bottle of water.
"I am," Hitsugaya replied. "I ache in places I hadn't realized could ache."
The two men started the trek back to the Kuchiki manor slowly, giving Hitsugaya some time to recover. He was limping slightly, as he always did after a particularly strenuous workout. Hyourinmaru hummed contentedly in the back of his mind, though, which made the hard work all that more rewarding.
"You've come a long way in the last few months since you started training with Shunsui," Ukitake added. "He'll drive you to madness if you let him, but he knows what he's doing."
Hitsugaya nodded his agreement. "I feel a lot more in control than I used to, which is helping overall. I don't feel like I'm going to lose it again, not like that night."
He still hated thinking about what had happened that night, about how weak he'd been, but he'd decided that Ukitake wasn't going to use that show of weakness against him. If anything, Ukitake had proven to be understanding and supportive in a way that Hitsugaya had never experienced.
"How are the dreams?" Ukitake asked
Hitsugaya shrugged. "Still there, every night, as real as when it happened. I've triggered Kuchiki's security a few times. They're not very fond of me right now."
Ukitake laughed. "The meditation should help," he said.
"It does. Hyourinmaru does, too," Hitsugaya added. "He can sometimes anticipate them before I do and will calm me down a bit."
They continued in silence for a bit, until they reached the main commercial district. Hitsugaya's stomach growled as they passed several food stalls.
"Meet me back here for lunch in an hour?" Ukitake asked, amusement clear on his face.
"Yes, after I get a shower and change into clean clothes," Hitsugaya replied.
They went their separate ways, which left Hitsugaya free to think about his progress in the last few months. Getting Kyouraku to agree to training had not been easy; it had taken a lot of bribing (with sake) and convincing (from Ukitake) to get the man to agree to meet 3 times a week. The meetings had been awkward at first, because Hitsugaya had not had much interaction with the older captain in his years as a shinigami. He'd heard stories about the man, of course, but had been unprepared for the cunning mind and incredible skill that he'd found. Once Hitsugaya had put aside his preconceived notions of the man, and had agreed to listen to everything Kyouraku had to say without reservation or hesitation, he'd begun to enjoy their sessions quite a bit.
The physical pain of the sessions was still hard to get used to. Hitsugaya had always been in excellent shape and a hearty workout or sparring session had barely even winded him. Training with Kyouraku was not simple sparring, but Hitsugaya was still disappointed in how weak his body still was… and would always be. There was no getting around the limp, the wrist that wouldn't bend, and the overall "wrongness" of how his body now felt. He'd been badly damaged and then badly put together again, and no amount of training or strengthening would ever make that go away.
He took a deep breath to clear himself of the moroseness that he could feel coming if he continued down that path. Focus on the positive, else he'd never want to get out of bed again. He went up to the door of his new home and stopped before he touched it. The hair at the nape of his neck was standing on end, and his reiatsu tingled a bit. He let it flow out and surround him, but he sensed no immediate danger. Chiding himself for being paranoid, he opened the door and let himself in.
The odor got to him before his vision processed what he was seeing. The coppery scent of fresh blood followed by the sharp, raw scent of spilled intestines made his stomach clench in protest and it took a monumental effort to keep himself from retching. An eviscerated animal, probably a pig, lay on the expensive area rug in the middle of the living room. The animal's blood had sprayed all over the walls when its throat had been slashed. Its intestines had fled the confines of the carcass and had slithered their way onto the hardwood floor.
A long, wooden pole with a white cloth tied to its top had been stabbed through the animal's heart and into the floor below. The cloth moved slowly from the disturbance Hitsugaya's presence had made in the air and black marks in the cloth stood out in stark relief in the glaring lights of the room. When Hitsugaya got closer, he realized that the marks were a message. The blood drained from his face when he was close enough to read the messy scrawl and feel the reiatsu emanating from the cloth.
I AM ALWAYS WATCHING
Aizen's familiar reiatsu left no doubt as to who had left him this particular gift. Hitsugaya chastised himself at having been foolish enough to believe that he was safe; that here, in this place surrounded by powerful shinigami, Aizen couldn't get to him. Oh, how wrong he'd been.
A strangled cry and the sound of dishes shattering pulled Hitsugaya's attention from the grim scene in time to catch a glimpse of a woman's terrified face before she turned around and ran back to the main house. The sweet scent of the tea and pastries she'd brought, which were now scattered on the floor just inside the entrance, mingled with the scent of blood and guts, and Hitsugaya was unable to fight the nausea any longer. He managed to make it outside before losing the contents of his stomach. He was left achy and shaking, the exhaustion from earlier returning in full force to leave him dizzy. He steadied himself with a hand on the side of the house and tried to breathe through the terror that was attempting to claw its way out of his chest.
The scent of blood, his blood, was nauseating in his nostrils and he lost himself in the memory of choking on it, of clawing at his chest in an attempt to rid himself of the liquid that was drowning him. His mouth was open to draw breath, but his lungs were disintegrating and could no longer take in the precious gas. There was blood on his hands and Hitsugaya knew without a doubt that it was his; it was the same blood that was going to kill him. It dripped form his mouth and landed on the floor in loud splashes that drowned out everything else. Until the laughter started, that is. The laughter reverberated in Hitsugaya's skull until it was the only thing he could concentrate on.
Hitsugaya was starting to lose consciousness when a smack to his back followed by a sharp command to take a breath shocked his body into compliance and he did just that. The flow of cool air into his lungs reset his mind and he was once again in Seireitei, on his knees with his forehead pressed to the cool ground beneath him. A presence to his left made him panic, and he stood up so quickly that he lost his balance. He'd have fallen if a strong hand hadn't grabbed his arm.
"Hitsugaya, get a hold of yourself."
The stern, but gentle, admonition was enough to snap him the rest of the way out of the flashback. He focused on calming his erratic heart and breath and, after a few minutes, managed to finally focus on Kuchiki Byakuya. When the dizziness subsided and he felt like he could talk without screaming, he pulled his arm out of Kuchiki's grasp.
"I'm fine." It was barely a whisper, but it was something. His throat was raw, and Hitsugaya wondered if the screams from his flashback had actually been real. He didn't want to find out.
The elder man didn't look convinced by Hitsugaya's assurance. The sound of something falling drew Hitsugaya's attention back to the house and he realized that there were people in there now, documenting the scene.
"The attendant that stopped by earlier informed me of what she'd seen," Kuchiki said. "How long were you inside before she found you?"
"I don't know," Hitsugaya replied. "Not very long. I'd just gotten back, I think."
He couldn't remember how long he'd stood there, staring at the grisly scene before the woman had arrived.
"Did you see the message?" Hitsugaya asked.
"I did," Kuchiki replied. "It is unacceptable that Aizen was here, that he was able to enter the compound without being noticed. Security is reviewing the day's events as we speak and they will get to the bottom of it."
Hitsugaya nodded, but they both knew that the security team would not find anything. Whoever Aizen had sent to do this, because Hitsugaya had no doubt that the man himself hadn't come all this way just to scare him, would not be found.
"It's not safe for you to stay here anymore," Kuchiki said. "You are welcome to stay at the main house or, if you feel that security is no longer acceptable here, I can make other arrangements for you."
Hitsugaya looked at the elder man, dumbfounded. Was he really apologizing to Hitsugaya for what he perceived was a failure of security on his part?
"Thank you for your hospitality," Hitsugaya said. "You don't have to make any additional arrangements or upend your private life for me. Just let me clean up in there and I can continue to stay here. What happened here is my fault, not yours. Your generosity to this point has already been far too kind."
"You will not be going back in there, at least not until the mess has been cleaned," Kuchiki said in that tone that left no room for argument. "Once the scene is properly documented, my staff will clean up and sanitize the place. For now, stay in a guest room at the main house. I'll have someone bring your clothes to you. You don't seem to be in a position to make rational decisions right about now."
Hitsugaya should have been offended, but he was too rattled to give much of a response. He was trembling slightly and felt lightheaded; shock, no doubt. He'd always been independent, but right now he was grateful that someone else was taking care of things. The terror that he'd managed to subdue was simmering at the edge of his consciousness. Hitsugaya was afraid that if he let his guard down it would all come flooding out and he couldn't, wouldn't, let that happen.
He followed Kuchiki to the main house, through the front door and up to the second floor. He saw people, might even have seen Kuchiki Rukia, but he was too numb to manage much of a greeting. He was led to a well-appointed bedroom suite with its own bathroom and was told that someone would bring his belongings shortly. Hitsugaya thanked Kuchiki and was left alone in the room. He walked to the bathroom in the search of water, and was started by his reflection on the mirror. Hitsugaya's already pale skin was even paler, which made the scars on his face and neck stand out even more. There were fresh scratches, one of them still bleeding a bit, on his chest and neck, probably from when he'd been in the throes of the flashback. When he examined his hands, he saw dried blood under some of his fingernails. He looked dazed and not entirely there and his eyes were too bright and too big on his face. He was looking at a stranger, someone Hitsugaya didn't ever want to see again.
He backed away from the mirror until his back hit the wall that separated the bathroom from the bedroom. His legs folded underneath him and he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees. He was strong; he could get through this, because he wouldn't let Aizen win. Hitsugaya knew he was kidding himself with his empty assurances. He could tell himself all he wanted, but his reaction to what had just happened has made one thing crystal clear:
Aizen had already won.
Ukitake had been waiting for almost an hour and a half. He didn't want to worry, but Hitsugaya was never late. The young man valued timeliness like he valued oxygen, and if he'd said he'd be here in an hour, he would have been here 15 minutes early. A few of the people that lingered on the outdoor seating areas of the restaurants he was pacing past started at him strangely, as if wondering why he had yet to pick one. He was debating whether to go to the Kuchiki compound and check on Hitsugaya himself when he noticed Byakuya talking towards him. The troubled look on the younger captain's face told Ukitake all he needed to know and he hurried towards Byakuya.
"What happened?" Ukitake asked without bothering with pleasantries. Byakuya didn't often look as disturbed as he did now, which Ukitake took to be a very bad sign.
Byakuya filled him in on what had happened quickly. "I think you should go see him," Byakuya said. "Hitsugaya seemed very troubled by the incident and I don't handle those kinds of things very well. You seemed like the best choice out of all his acquaintances to deal with him in this state.
Ukitake nodded and they both made their way to the Kuchiki compound. If anyone else had been listening to what Byakuya was saying, they might have thought that the man was cruel and uncaring. Ukitake saw the opposite, though. Byakuya was concerned about Hitsugaya, enough that he'd come in search of someone that could help the young man with what he was going through.
"Do the flashbacks happen often?" Byakuya asked, recounting how he'd found Hitsugaya in the middle of one. "He was completely lost in his mind for those few minutes and I thought he wasn't going to pull out of it."
"He's had a few flashbacks when he's been with me, but they're usually brief," Ukitake said. "It takes him a few minutes to get back to the present, so to speak, after each one. The memories seem to come mostly in his nightmares, which is why he doesn't sleep much. He feels less in control when he's asleep."
"One does not control flashbacks either," Byakuya said. "They come when they come."
"True," Ukitake said, knowing full well that, as seasoned in battle as they both were, they'd seen their share of horrors for flashbacks and nightmares to last centuries. "Hitsugaya's flashbacks are a bit more personal."
"How so?" Byakuya asked.
Ukitake spoke carefully, not wanting to betray a confidence, but wanting Byakuya to have some idea of just what horrors plagued Hitsugaya now. "Hitsugaya was tortured; Aizen destroyed bits and pieces of him in an attempt to create a drug that would heal those injuries."
Byakuya's pale complexion paled a bit more as Ukitake spoke.
"What you described, Hitsugaya clutching at his chest as if he couldn't breathe, sounds familiar. I've seen it a couple of times, and I think it has to do with Aizen destroying his lungs. The bastard healed Hitsugaya in the end, but the experience is seared into his mind just the same."
They continued the rest of the way to the main Kuchiki house in silence, each man lost in their own thoughts. When they got up to the second floor, to the suite that had been given to Hitsugaya, they found one of the attendants standing there, a small suitcase on the floor beside him, with a look of panic on his face. He bowed low when he saw the two men.
"I apologize, Kuchiki-san," the servant said. "Hitsugaya-san will not open the door. I have called to him repeatedly but he will not answer."
"Have you tried the key?" Byakuya asked.
"Of course, sir," the servant said, opening his hand to show them the golden key in his palm. "It doesn't work."
"There's a barrier," Ukitake said, as he felt the slight shimmer of the reiatsu that was feeding it. "He's locked himself in there with a barrier."
"Thank you, we'll take it from here," Byakuya said to the attendant, who excused himself and left, the look of relief clear on his face.
"We can break the barrier, of course," Byakuya said. "The question is: should we?"
Ukitake pondered the question for a moment. It would be an invasion of privacy, of course. Hitsugaya would no doubt be angry at the invasion, but Ukitake could not risk leaving Hitsugaya alone in the condition he was in. If he felt that he needed a barrier to keep people out of the room, then something was most definitely not right.
Instead of answering Byakuya's question, Ukitake went up to the door and knocked loudly. "I'm coming in," Ukitake said. "I'm taking down the barrier, Toushirou-kun."
It took a bit more effort than he'd expected to take the barrier down, but when he did, the door opened.
"I'll stay outside," Byakuya said.
Ukitake nodded his thanks and let himself in the room. He shuddered at the temperature, wondering if the barrier hadn't been meant to keep people out but to keep Hitsugaya's reiatsu in.
"Toushirou-kun?"
No response. Ukitake didn't see the young man in the bedroom so he proceeded to the bathroom, where he found Hitsugaya on the floor next to the tub, seated cross-legged with Hyourinmaru on his lap. He was leaning back against the wall, seemingly at peace. The only sign of whatever struggle was going on in his mind was the iron grip he had on Hyourinmaru. Hitsugaya's hands were straining as he clutched the sword.
"Toushirou, it's Ukitake."
There was no response for a long while. Ukitake took a seated position similar to Hitsugaya's directly across from the young man and waited him out. The cold of the floor was not kind to his bones, but he ignored the protests. He could get used to the cold.
Ukitake couldn't be certain how long he'd been waiting, could have been a few minutes or a few hours, but Hitsugaya finally came out of wherever he was. He didn't seem surprised to see Ukitake, though.
"Hyourinmaru told me you were here," Hitsugaya said. "He said I needed to talk to you."
"Hyourinmaru is a wise being," Ukitake said. "I take it you didn't want to talk to me."
"It's not that, I was just comfortable where I was."
Ukitake nodded, having experienced the same feeling when he was communing with his zanpakutou. You could lose track of time in the safety and security that your zanpakutou provided.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it to lunch," Hitsugaya added.
"Don't worry about it," Ukitake replied. "How are you holding up?"
Hitsugaya shrugged. "I shouldn't be "holding up"," Hitsugaya replied, self-loathing clearly evident in his tone. "A dead animal in my living room shouldn't be enough to shatter me into little, unstable pieces."
"It triggered a flashback," Ukitake said, "there's nothing to be ashamed about that."
"It triggered that flashback," Hitsugaya confirmed. "That one is the worst. I bet Kuchiki now thinks I'm a complete basket case."
"No, he doesn't," Ukitake assured him. "You scared one of the attendants, though. He was quite determined to come in here and could not figure out why he couldn't unlock the door."
"The barrier was more for me than it was for them. I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't have more flashbacks."
"Did you?"
"Yes, but not as bad as that one. I didn't want to freeze the whole damn house."
Ukitake chuckled, despite the gravity of the situation. "So you only froze this room instead?"
Hitsugaya looked around the room, seeming to notice the ice-coated surfaces for the first time. "Oh," he said and pulled in his reiatsu, visibly straining to calm himself and control his power. "Better now?"
"Yes," Ukitake said, relishing the normal temperature once again. "I'm too old for these temperature changes, you know."
Hitsugaya didn't smile, but his eyes lightened a bit.
"I don't know about you, but I am still game for lunch if you are," Ukitake said as he got to his feet. "A suitcase with what I assume are your clothes is in the other room."
"Right. Kuchiki did say that he'd have someone bring my clothes," Hitsugaya said as he, too, got to his feet. He mulled something over for a moment, before turning back to Ukitake. "Lunch sounds good. Give me few minutes and I'll meet you outside."
Ukitake nodded and left the young man to do what he needed to do, confident that the worst of it has passed.
"How is he?" Byakuya asked as Ukitake shut the door to the suite.
"Better. He's gotten very good at pulling himself together and moving on," Ukitake admitted. "He'll soldier on as if nothing happened."
"Is that healthy?" Byakuya asked.
"Not at all, but it's the only thing he knows how to do," Ukitake answered. "He won't talk to anyone about his experiences, not that I blame him. All I can do is be around and remind him that he's not alone in this and that I'm here when he does want to talk."
They waited for Hitsugaya in the receiving area by the front door. When the young man came to meet them, some of the color had returned to his face and his eyes looked just a little bit less haunted. He seemed a bit tense around Byakuya, which was understandable after what Hitsugaya had said upstairs. Ukitake would let them resolve that particular issue on their own.
"Thanks again, Byakuya," Ukitake said and ushered his young charge out the door.
Maybe a little bit of food and conversation would help lift Hitsugaya's spirits, if only for a little while.
Thanks for all the reviews; they always make my day. See you next time.