Notes of Dr. Renzatl

Patient 20236

In the months that have passed, we continue to apply some order and make sense to this new world in which Princess Leia finds herself. She is tired, she told me, of thinking and feeling. Because of its unprecedented scope, her grief has endured and I suspect will continue for a long time.

I know it is painful, but I have stressed the importance of what I call living the grief, for if it is ignored or pushed aside, it can have long-lasting effects on a person's physical and emotional well-being.

I find she accepts my counsel better if I can show her something like evidence or statistics, but she has come far enough in her understanding of grief, and is trained now well enough to correlate reactions to it that we can meet weekly instead of twice weekly.

She is, of course, focused on the Empire and Alderaan. Two very large things. Regarding the Empire, she mentioned once that she "liked" the anger this grief has given her toward it. Either she saw my alarm before I could hide it or she recognized herself what a dangerous statement that was, for she quickly glossed over it and reworded it to make it sound as healthy as she could. The war, she said, and the Empire's crime, helped her attain a clarity of thought and outlined goals for the future.

"Of course I'm angry," she said, "but no different than General Dodonna or Mon Mothma. War is an angry thing."

To Princess Leia, the Empire is a faceless entity, and Sheev Palpatine is more its creator than leader.

"It's like he breathed it into being," she told me. "It's very young, but in a short amount of time it's very set in its attitudes and policy, very firm. And it's such a bureaucracy. Look at all the hoops I've had to jump through establishing Alderaani identity so the reparations money is deposited."

And she will digress, listing dynasties and empires of the past, wondering if the characterization historians assign the rule, which might comprise a period over several hundred years, was established in the first five minutes, or if it took time. She will talk of certain trade patterns and how a ruler's attitude, perhaps his religious tolerance or lack thereof, influenced the economic prosperity of his region.

This uses up our time, but I permit it. For one, I admit it is interesting and am guilty of getting caught up in the discussion. For another, these musings come from the woman she was before the Empire destroyed her homeworld. Her identity as Princess and Senator, along with her education, had her consider these topics on a frequent basis, and I believe it helps her arrange a sense of events in her mind.

The Empire was immediately aware of the theft of the plans for the Death Star. "The Rebel Alliance wasn't too subtle about it," she told me. "So we had to be carefully subtle in making sure the plans were delivered to the right hands."

The proposed method of delivery was her suggestion, but she shows a great humility in taking credit. One reason, I suspect, is that her father was reluctant that she undertake it, and another is that she regards the mission as failed, even though she did eventually achieve her goal. "I wasn't subtle," she said.

From the perspective of Princess or Senator, her grief is practical and well-placed. She can talk at length about it, openly and freely, and feels she has made progress. Of course, there is more to a person than their societal role and professional identity, and this is where the Princess struggles. She was also a woman and daughter of Alderaan.

The mystery of her birth and her adoption trouble her. The loss of Alderaan has led her to question the fundaments of her self-identity (she is both "erased" and "brand new"). She feels, on the one hand, that she is not the Princess, yet on the other hand recognizes the remaining Alderaani need a leader and she possesses the training to be that for them.

The destruction has raised some very complicated feelings in her. Her memories have shown her how lonely the life of a Princess could be, how her life was geared for service and the continuation of the House of Organa. When Alderaan existed, she was not bothered by her arranged marriage when she was four years old to a person with whom she was still barely acquainted by age nineteen (she is twenty now).

"If somehow I woke up and Alderaan was back, and my father," she said, almost whispering in the honesty of the moment, and the shame of it, "and he said something... I couldn't do it. I wouldn't wed Lennist."

I suspect the cause of this confusion is her new, out-of-Alderaan relationship with her rescuers. They are two men, neither Alderaani, and she has formed a friendship with them that is both natural and puzzling to her. With Commander Skywalker, she is comfortable and at ease; there are enough similarities in their origins where they have common ground and speak as one. I am of the belief that more frequent contact with Commander Skywalker would be beneficial to the Princess. Captain Solo however, has awakened something else in her. Her acquaintance with him, and I do not believe he is deliberately sowing seeds of doubt, has led her to feel orphaned by not only her parents, but her planet as well.

I do not know whether it is her station or physical attraction- and that is no simple thing, nor can it be underestimated- but it is through him that she sees Alderaan as being deficient in preparing one for life's events. Alderaan's philosophy and politics left it open to destruction. The same thing happened to her Princess.

I don't wonder that she reels when she is in his company. She wants to defend her planet, but she is also angry, both for it going away when she needs it, and for putting her in this position. She knows he is not intentionally causing this- like most others, he does not bring up Alderaan- but she is angry with him because he inspires angry feelings.

At the same time, she has sought him out. It was he who evacuated her from Alderaan, and he paid for the first candles. She feels the Alliance regards her as being on the fringe, and he validates that for her. If he wasn't part of the rescue team, I'm not sure where this would head, but because of his early actions and his respect for her, she feels safe enough to be able to explore her feelings. To his credit, the extent of her emotions does not have him feel imperiled, and they are able to maintain the bond the Death Star brought them.

And, perhaps there is a two-way street here. He has sought her out, and to some extent is acting as an extension of her (which also is a source of irritation for her). He has taken on pilot work for the CTC, transporting Alderaani to Buteral. My work is with the Princess and therefore I do not concern myself with Captain Solo, yet his story has become entwined with hers. In session with Princess Leia, I know I haven't heard the last of him.