Author's Note: I apologize for the delay. My grandfather passed away. It was both a very quick and very long week. I'm still trying to get my head around everything.
Severus opened the door to his quarters after walking in from beyond the Hogwarts boundary. Hermione stood just in front of the couch where it appeared she had been pacing. Her eyes moved over his soaking wet clothing.
"Severus..." She said, and she instantly approached him, waving her wand. He felt his clothing dry, his hair dry, though the drying charm didn't warm the chill in his bones. "Are you... okay?" His dark eyes met hers as he studied her thoughtfully for a moment. He held the rest of his body very still as one long finger tapped on his thigh. "Where did you go?"
Suddenly, he felt his throat tightening and a stinging in his eyes. He closed his eyes tightly and looked away. He flinched when she grabbed his hands with her own. After a few moments, her thumbs rubbing back and forth over his hands, he calmed himself. Opening his eyes again, he looked back to her.
"Down the street," He said in a quiet rasp. The injury from Nagini having been irritated by the cold rain and his emotions.
Her own eyes began to sting, realizing where he must've gone. "I'm sorry, Severus... I should have talked to you sooner. I should have been clear. I should have made sure you were aware..." He merely stared at her, but his steady gaze held no malice or irritation.
She ran a hand through her hair. "Of course you felt obligated to come with me to Harry's on my birthday. I'm such a bloody fool." He shook his head once when she glanced at his face, and she squeezed his hands. "Are you okay?"
"It has been a challenging evening," He said in a low rasp.
"I'm sorry," She said.
"Stop apologizing," He said. He was trembling a bit now as his shields faltered.
The were quiet for a bit as they stood their holding hands. "I would have gone with you, so you didn't have to see the house alone."
He shook his head. "There are some things I must face alone."
"I understand, but I want you to know that there's nothing you have to face alone. We are married," She said softly.
He blinked, not having expected that sentiment. "I thought for a moment that Potter lived in his parents' house."
"No," She said. "I suppose he could have requested the home be repaired."
Severus gave a small and slight nod. "I have revisited most of the traumatic places, but I had not returned to Godric's Hollow, and I have not returned to the Shrieking Shack."
Hermione shivered at the mention of the Shack. "I have not been back there either."
"I imagine that place holds traumatic memories for both of us."
"More so for you, but yes, I can't say I have fond memories," She admitted.
She moved closer to him, he tensed but didn't resist, and she wrapped her arms around him. He was very stiff for about a minute, and then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He was shaking slightly, but tried to conceal it.
"It's all right, Severus," She said quietly. "You don't have to fight it."
He shuddered in her embrace and began to shake a little more obviously, but there was still tension in his body, trying to hold some of his grief back.
As he collected himself, she rubbed his back. They stood there like that quietly for a couple minutes. Then, he said, "I believe I ruined your birthday dinner."
"No," She assured him immediately. "Harry shouldn't have pressed you." She noticed he still felt quite cold as she touched his hands again. "Come. Sit by the fire."
He remained standing as she walked around the couch. His dark eyes were watching her carefully. Panic filled his chest as he realized for the first time the magnitude of what he'd done that evening. When he'd disapparated to the alley, he hadn't done it purposefully. It had been instinctual. He retreated a step toward the bedroom as he began to understand just what he'd done that night.
"Severus?" She looked at him in confusion.
"It's late. We have classes in the morning," He said. Avoiding her eyes, he turned and walked into the bedroom. He changed into his pajamas and moved into the bed, laying stiffly on his side facing away from the bedroom door and the other side of the bed.
He heard the bedroom door open and heard Hermione changing. Then, he felt the bed move as she crawled into bed. He could feel her body heat. She was close to him. Her hand rested on his back. "Please, talk to me."
He stiffened as he thought about her request. He'd told her he would always be honest with her, but admitting this was scary, and it was a truth he'd only just barely discovered about himself. He was perfectly quiet and still for a couple minutes. Hermione sighed lightly, pulled her hand away from his back, and then moved away from him.
He shut his eyes. "The thoughts I am wrestling with are ones I have not yet fully processed."
Her hand rested on his back again. "You need time before we can talk about whatever it is?"
"Yes," He breathed.
"Okay," She said. He felt her mouth against his back over his thin tshirt. Then, her forehead pressed into his back, and her hand rested on his ribs.
He'd expected her to push him, knowing how forward and bold she could be in so many ways, but she'd merely respected him. Going to James and Lily Potter's home, facing that property, had shown Severus something about himself that terrified him. He was thinking about the future. He hadn't thought about the future since Halloween night in 1981. It had only been about the present day.
Even after the death of the Dark Lord, Severus had only thought in terms of one day at a time. Facing the house meant that Severus had anticipated not only returning to the Harry Potter's residence, but he'd also anticipated subconsciously that he would continue to accompany Hermione on whatever trips she took to visit family or friends. In truth, the return to Harry Potter's home scared him less. Realizing that he anticipated accompanying Hermione whenever scared him far more.