Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh 5Ds, or any other property in this work that I did not make myself.
Yu-gi-oh! 5Ds after hours
Chapter twenty-two: Yusei and friends do Beverly Hills
It was a well enough morning one day over at the Atlas Penthouse located in New Domino City, a suburb of San Francisco, California. Yusei Fudo, one of the main residents of the penthouse, was getting his morning coffee, sitting at the dining table as he read the local newspaper and drank the modern-day version of the elixir of life. Sitting at the table with Yusei were his friends and roommates Jack Atlas and Kalin Kessler, along with Kalin's talking dog best friend Dukey.
"Huh," Yusei remarked in a casual yet interested tone as he read an article in the local paper, "It says here that a business woman named Inga Bittersweet has just opened a chain of top-of-the-line work out facilities all over the country. There's even a branch here in New Domino."
"…Something about that woman's name has me concerned," Jack remarked casually, (1) "Mark my words, Yusei. Nothing good can come of-"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" the panicked voice cried out, catching the attention of Yusei, Jack, Kalin and Dukey.
"That doesn't sound good," Dukey remarked in a concerned tone as he and the humans at the table all got up and ran to see what was going on. As the guys entered the hallway, they came across Leo and Luna Wundertwin, the twin thirteen-year-olds that they and the other adults living in the Atlas Penthouse are responsible for. But something about the twins caught the attention of Yusei and the others; whereas one of the twins looked as they always did, the other one was clearly obese (2), which was odd considering both twins were of normal weight all day yesterday.
"Bloody hell, Leo," Jack remarked in a tone that was one part concerned, two parts impressed and seven parts confused, "How did you get so fat so quickly?"
The thin twin raised a hand, giving Jack a dry, unamused look. "I'm Leo."
"Now hang on," Kalin began as he spoke to the twins, "I've known the two of you to not only change your hairstyles to that of your sibling's, and that you're both capable of mimicking each other's voices perfectly." Putting his hands on his hips, Kalin asked, "How do the guys and I know that the two of you changed hairstyles and are mimicking each other's voices right now to try and pass Luna off as a thin Leo?"
Sighing in a resigned tone, the thin twin said, "Follow me, Kalin." Kalin followed the thin twin into a room in the hallway and closed the door behind the two of them. Everyone in the hallway just looked at the door in confusion for about a minute or so until the thin twin and Kalin came walking out of the room, with the thin twin saying, "Now do you believe me?"
Facing Yusei, Jack and Dukey, Kalin pointed to the thin twin and said, "This is without a doubt the real Leo. He showed me irrefutable proof." (3)
"Okay then," Yusei replied. Turning to face Luna, Yusei asked, "Young lady, how did…" Stopping short, Yusei gestured to Luna as a whole and said, "How did this happen?"
"I don't know," Luna replied as she sounded upset, "I mean, I was as thin as Leo yesterday, but when I woke up, I discovered that I'm fatter than Leo's friend Bronk."
"Hey Yusei," a tired sounding female voice called out, getting the guys to turn and see Lori Loud, who moved in to work as a live-in nanny while she's attending classes at Hogan University, walk in. After yawning, Lori said, "What's with all the noise? It's literally way too early in the morning for Holy crap one of the twins is fat!" Lori deviated midsentence, not to mention waking up fully due to shock, upon seeing the now fat Luna.
"Yeah, Leo's sister somehow became really fat overnight," Kalin explained.
Turning to face the female Wundertwin, Lori asked, "What the hell did you eat, and how much of it did you eat?"
"I don't know!" Luna exclaimed as tears started to well up in the corners of her eyes.
"Hey Luna, before I forget," Leo said as he walked up to his younger twin sister. Holding up a box of what looked to be small cookies, Leo said, "I found this laying on your bed when I went into your room to get my deck back after you borrowed some of my extra deck monsters so you can play duel monsters against a friend of yours from school. I'd try one myself, but the box makes these cookies look way too damn fucking girly for my tastes."
"Yeah, she's literally not eating those," Lori remarked as she confiscated the box of cookies from Leo, "Not until she loses the weight." Looking at the box, Lori said as she read the cover of the box, "'Passion Patties'? Huh, I never heard of these before." With a shrug, Lori reached into the box and pulled out a cookie.
However, before she could even begin to bring the cookie to her mouth, Crow Hogan, Lori's dean at Hogan University and the roommate of Yusei, Jack and Kalin, cried out, "Lori, no!" Crow then came running up to Lori, smacked both the cookie and the box of cookies out of her hands and onto the floor, then he pulled out his Sig Sauer 9MM and emptied the gun's entire clip into the cookies, blasting them to smithereens.
After the cookies were all ruined, Crow looked to the young student at his university and said, "Lori, the absolute last thing that I need right now is for there to be pictures of fat versions of you on DeviantArt." (4)
"Crow, what the fuck are you talking about?" Jack asked, "How can one cookie make Lori fat like Leo's sister?" With a confused look on his face, Crow turned around and saw Leo standing next to his (now obese) twin sister.
"…You ate some of the Passion Patties, didn't you?" Crow asked the female Wundertwin.
"I only ate, like, a handful of them," Luna admitted, "But how can that much cause me to go from the body I had yesterday to what I have now?"
"Okay, look," Crow began, "While I was out in town yesterday evening, I went into a store to get some sodas. As I was browsing the aisles, I came across a shelf in the snack aisle that had boxes of Passion Patties lined up. As soon as I saw those, I instantly thought to myself, 'Son of a bitch, not this shit again'. Knowing full well what those cookies are capable of the last time I tangoed with the person behind them, I bought a box and immediately took it to a lab that I have access to, where the scientist there will examine the Passion Patties for the formula that's in them that not only makes them addictive, but super-fattening as well."
"Wait a minute, Crow," Yusei began, "There's some sort of formula in the cookies that Luna ate, and that formula is why Luna's so fat now?"
Nodding once in the affirmative, Crow replied, "Don't worry, Yusei. I got Lisa examining the Passion Patties, and knowing her, she'll have an antidote ready within short order."
"Lisa?" Lori repeated in a confused tone.
Turning to face the new student over at his university, Crow said, "Yeah, Lori. I used the Golden Tiger Claws to make a quick trip to Royal Woods, where I got your little sister Lisa to study the Passion Patties. Rest assured that I gave her, as well as the rest of your siblings, explicit warnings to not eat any of the Passion Patties." Crossing his arms over his chest, Crow added, "We already have one fat Luna on our hands to deal with. We sure as shit don't need another one."
"Birdbrain, you said that you tangoed with this business concerning these cookies before," Jack began, "Is that true?"
"Yeah, Jack," Crow replied, "In fact, since these fucking cookies have popped up again, we're going to have to make a trip out to Beverly Hills."
"What does going to Beverly Hills have to do with these cookies?" Yusei asked, a confused look on his face.
"I have a contact living over in Beverly Hills who helped me with this whole Passion Patties mess the last time it popped up," Crow explained, "She should be able to help us out again this time as well."
Turning to face Jack and Kalin, Yusei said, "Well, Beverly Hills is only about a seven to eight-hour drive from here. I say we head down and meet this contact that Crow says he has."
"Oh joy," Jack said in a mildly sarcastic tone, and with a mildly annoyed look on his face, "Yet another road trip. This is turning out to be so wonderful." (5)
"While we're gone," Crow said as he turned to face the twins and Lori, "I don't want any of you to eat any Passion Patties, or anything from that brand, for that matter."
"Trust me, I have no plans on doing that," Luna replied, "I mean, look at me! I've got a lot of weight to lose! What boy will want to date me the way I am now?"
"Oh, not this shit again," Crow muttered in an annoyed tone as he facepalmed.
"Say what now?" Yusei asked, a confused look on his face.
"Luna here is constantly trying to get a boy at the school she and Leo goes to like her and go out with her," Crow explained as he gestured to the female Wundertwin, "From what I've heard, Luna has had no success so far."
"And I'm definitely not going to have any success as I am right now!" Luna nearly exclaimed, "I mean, what boy at school is going to want to go out with me as I am right now?"
"Dexter," Leo replied casually.
A confused look on her face, Luna turned to face her older twin brother and said, "You mean your nerdy friend with the glasses? The one who once specifically built his duel monsters deck around trying to defeat Akiza's?" (6) After Leo nodded once in the affirmative, Luna said in a 'are you sure?' kind of tone, "He likes me?"
"Always has, actually," Leo explained, "But you never even considered him as an option because he hangs out with me all the time."
"Oh," Luna replied, her tone suggesting that she was mildly ashamed of herself.
"Ah, don't worry about it, sis," Leo replied as he patted his sister on the back, "Knowing him, Dexter will still be happy to date you. All you gotta do is ask him out."
"Well that's really sweet and all, Leo," Lori began, "But I literally hope that your friend doesn't mind exercising, because until your sister drops the extra weight, I'm putting her on a diet and exercise regimen."
"Just have Luna go to the work out facility that just opened up here in New Domino," Yusei replied as he, Jack, Crow and Kalin got ready to make their trip to Beverly Hills, "You know, the one that part of that chain of work out facilities that opened up all over the country. They're supposed to be top of the line."
After a long enough drive, Yusei and company reached Beverly Hills. "Okay Yusei," Crow said from the back seat of Yusei's Volkswagen van, "Pull into the parking lot here." Looking through the front window of his beloved Volkswagen, Yusei saw that Crow was pointing to, of all things, a public high school.
"Crow, this is a high school," Yusei pointed out.
"I know," the broom-headed turbo duelist replied, "My contact goes to school here." Looking at the watch on his wrist, Crow said, "In fact, it should be getting close to the end of the school day for her." With an indifferent shrug, Yusei pulled into the parking lot of the high school, called Beverly Hills High, found a parking spot, parked, turned off his Volkswagen, then he and the other guys got out.
"Alright dudes," Crow said as he gestured for Yusei, Jack and Kalin to follow him, "Let's get going." The other guys proceeded to follow Crow into Beverly Hills High, with Jack doing so reluctantly. (7)
…
In one of the hallways of Beverly Hills High, a girl was walking through as she was on her way to meet up with some friends of hers, now that school was out for the day. She was a pretty enough girl, what with her black hair in a short, somewhat curly bob cut, and her tan skin which reflected a mixed-race heritage. She wore a green sleeveless tank-top, a pair of tan khakis held up with a dark brownish belt, and a stylish pair of shoes. Despite clearly being a pretty girl that a lot of guys would want to go out with, she clearly also had an air of innocent childishness to her; the teddy bear backpack that she had was a clear example of this.
As this girl hummed a happy little tune to herself while heading down the hallway, she heard an adult male voice to her left say, "Passion Patties are back, Alex." One part shocked by the suddenness of someone speaking out to her in so familiar a manner and nine parts curious, the girl turned to her left, and saw Crow, Yusei, Jack and Kalin leaning against the lockers along that wall in the hallway.
"Crow?" the girl, apparently called Alex, replied in a confused tone, "What are you doing here?"
"Passion Patties," Crow repeated as he stood up straight and took a few steps closer to Alex, "They're back again."
"This is your contact here in Beverly Hills, Birdbrain?" Jack asked as he gestured to the mixed-race girl in the hallway with them.
"Yeah, guys," Crow replied as he turned around to face his roommates and friends, "This here is Alexandra, although most people just call her Alex." Turning around to face his Beverly Hills contact, Crow said, "Alex, Passion Patties are back in stores, and one of the younger kids that my friends and I are looking after ate some and is now really fat."
"No way," Alex replied in a mildly worried tone as she took a step back, "This is bad, Crow. We ought to report this to Jerry over at WOOHP right away."
"Shouldn't we get your two friends in on this as well?" Crow said, "I mean, you told me how that one friend of yours was subjected to Passion Patties the last time they were a problem. I bet that friend of yours would be interested in getting some revenge."
Nodding once in agreement, Alex said, "Yeah, Sam and Clover should totally be brought in on this. In fact, I was on my way to meet with them right now." Gesturing to the guys, Alex said, "You four want to tag along?"
"That'd be grand," Yusei replied as he and the other guys proceeded to follow Alex, "We want to put this business behind us as soon as possible."
Later, the guys met up with Alex's friends Sam and Clover. Sam had fair skin, long orange-red hair, and wore a dark reddish shirt with sleeves ending halfway down her forearms, a pair of jeans and a pair of shoes as stylish as what Alex had. As for Clover, she had blonde hair that was of similar length to Alex's hair, and she wore a pale light-blue tank-top that had thin bows on the shoulders, a pair of jeans that ended a little past her knees, and a pair of pink shoes.
"Hey Alex," Sam began as she gestured to the older guys, "Who are these guys, and what are they doing with you?"
"Girls, this is Crow, who's a friend of mine from outside of Beverly Hills," Alex explained to her friends as she gestured to Crow, "The other three guys are Crow's friends Yusei, Jack and Kalin." With a mildly unsure look on her face, Alex said, "Crow just informed me that Passion Patties are back."
"Are you kidding me?!" Clover exclaimed as she stood up forcefully slamming the surface of the table that she and Sam sat at with both of her hands.
"Wait a minute," Sam interrupted, "These guys don't know about WOOHP, do they?"
"Crow does, and he has clearance," Alex replied, "The other three guys are going to find out anyway, so it's best to not beat around the bush here."
The two girls at the table exchanged looks for a few seconds before turning back around to face Alex and the guys. "Okay, here's the deal," Sam said to the guys, "Alex, Clover and I are spies."
"You three girls are spies," Jack said in a mildly sarcastic 'I should have seen this one coming' kind of tone, "You girls are spies because of course you are."
"We work for an organization known as the World Organization of Human Protection, or as it is known for short, WOOHP," Sam continued, "We basically go all over the world to fight villains bent on trying to carry out some crazy scheme or another."
"One such scheme from a while ago involved the Pasion Patties that you guys said are resurfacing," Clover continued, "I myself had the unfortunate luck of eating some and getting really big as a result. Luckily, after we defeated the villain from that mission, an antidote was made and I was returned to normal." (8)
"I don't suppose you got any of that antidote left, do you?" Yusei asked, "Because the guys and I have a thirteen-year-old girl back home who currently weighs a little over three-hundred pounds because of the Passion Patties, and we really need to get her back down to her original size."
"Actually, no," Clover replied, "We only made one dose each for every person affected at the time. Also, we have none of the formula for the additive, so we can't synthesize more of the antidote we used."
"Yeah, don't worry about that," Crow said, "I got some people working on making an antidote to the additive as we speak. But that's beside the point." Gesturing to the girls, Crow said, "We need to let Jerry know about this. How soon can the seven of us get to WOOHP?"
"Follow us," Clover said as she gestured for the guys to follow her and her friends. After walking for about a minute or so, the girls led the guys to a janitor closet. "Alright," Clover said as she gestured to the closet, "In we go."
"I don't like where this is going," Jack muttered as he and the other guys all went into the closet after Clover, Sam and Alex. After everyone went inside, and with Clover closing the door behind everyone, you could hear a number of beeps sound from the closet, before a 'whooshing' sound that sounded like a pod going through a tube came from the closet, accompanied by the screams of the guys minus Crow. (9)
…
A short while later, Sam, Clover, Alex and the guys all appeared in what appeared to be a spy office somewhere in a location the guys had no idea about. Sitting in a desk in front of where everyone landed was a balding man with a moustache; he was also very sharply dressed. With a look of curiosity, the man said, "Girls, who are the gentlemen that you brought with you?"
"Jerry, you remember Crow Hogan, right?" Alex said as the four guys got up and dusted themselves off. Seeing Crow get up along with the other guys, Jerry got up from his desk, walked over, and gave Crow a friendly pat on the back.
"Crow F. Hogan, my good man!" Jerry said in a clearly happy tone, "It's been ages! How have you been?"
"Jerry, I wish this were under better circumstances," Crow began, "But my friends here and I came with some rather troubling news."
"Ah yes, I'm going to want to know these friends of yours that you brought with you," Jerry remarked as he looked to the other three guys.
"They're my friends and roommates Yusei, Jack and Kalin," Crow explained, "But we really ought to cut to the chase." With a resigned sigh, Crow said, "Passion Patties are back."
"Oh fuck, really?" Jerry replied, clearly shocked, and looking more than a little bit steamed. Heading back over to his desk, Jerry typed something into a hidden keyboard, and the monitor behind Jerry's desk lit up, showing a profile picture of what looked to be an older woman. "This bitch here is Inga Bittersweet. She's the asshole who created the Passion Patties line, and the additive that goes into the cookies." To the girls and the guys, Jerry continued, "She was the sick piece of shit behind the last plot involving Passion Patties, so it stands to reason that she's behind this new plot that also involves them."
"Hang on a minute," Yusei said. Taking a step forward as his eyes never left the monitor, Yusei continued, "The person we're dealing with here is Inga Bittersweet?"
"You know her, Yusei?" Kalin asked.
Pointing to the picture of Inga that was on the monitor, Yusei said, "She's the person who's opened the new chain of top-of-the-line work out facilities all over the country. I told Lori to take Leo's sister there to work out."
"Wait a minute," Alex began in a confused tone, "You're saying that Inga opened a chain of work-out gyms?" After Yusei nodded in the affirmative, Alex went on, "Why would she bring back her Passion Patties plan, but also start up a plan involving a new chain of gyms where people go to work out? What is she planning?"
"Nothing good, that's for sure," Jerry remarked, getting the attention of the guys and the girls, "Alright, you seven, here's the fucking deal." As he typed away on his hidden keyboard, Jerry said, "I'm pulling up Inga's last known location after she was released from prison." As a sheet came printing out of a printer in the room, Jerry continued, "Go track her down, fuck her shit up, stop whatever bat shit crazy plan she has going, and save the fucking day. Think you can do it?"
"You seem awfully angry, Jerry," Alex said with a hint of concern in her tone, "I haven't head you curse this much since you found out that your personal hero McGruff the Crime Dog was killed in action some time ago."
"Dude, my parole officer was killed?!" Crow exclaimed, looking shocked and with a hint of mild heartbreak. (10)
"Gather whatever fucking gear you all think you'll be need, then go confront Inga," Jerry said to the girls and the guys, "I'm counting on you all. Oh, and one more bit of advice, everyone?" When everyone turned to face him, Jerry said, "Don't fuck up."
As the girls and the guys proceeded to fly to their destination via private airplane, Clover said, "Hey Yusei, Jack, Crow, Kalin. Why didn't any of you guys grab any of the gear while Alex, Sam and I were getting geared up for the mission? I mean, there was plenty of stuff there, and Crow is apparently friends with Jerry."
"We brought our own gear," Crow replied, "No need to worry about us, girls."
"So, girls," Yusei began, "How long until we reach our destination?"
Looking at a clock on the wall inside of the plane, Sam said, "We should be there within short order. I'd say no more than five minutes or so, provided the weather holds."
"Well, we ought to get ready to jump, then," Crow remarked.
"I beg your pardon?" Jack asked.
"Dude, what do you think the parachutes in the plane are for?" Crow asked as he pointed to where a pile of seven unopened parachute bags laid, "We aren't going to land the plane and get out that way. We're going to fly over the destination, hop out of the plane while it's in the air, and fall to the ground. We activate our parachutes before we get too far down."
"Jack has a point," Kalin remarked, "Isn't there a safer alternative?"
"Kalin, Alex and her friends are spies," Crow said, "We're doing this the spy way." After a few more minutes, the door on the side of the plane opened from the inside. One by one, the guys and the girls all jumped out of the plane. As they all fell, all seven of them activated their parachutes. All of the parachutes successfully worked, and the group all slowly fell to the ground.
Looking around after landing, Yusei was the first to spot a large building in the clearing. "Okay, that looks like the outside of the building in the dossier we were given," Yusei said as he and everyone else took their parachutes off, "Try to keep low." Quietly but quickly, the guys and the girls all made their way over to the building that Yusei spotted.
Inside of the building, Yusei and the others all hid behind a few stacks of large wooden crates. Sam peeked from where she and everyone else hid, and saw a number of men in uniforms milling about the place. In the middle of all of these men, Sam spotted Inga Bittersweet, who was ordering the men about. "Well, there's the boss of the operation," Sam muttered quietly. Ducking back behind the crates, Sam said to the others, "Our goal here is to stop all the men, capture Inga, then call in for backup once everything's done. Sound good? Are there any questions?"
"Are we allowed to kill Igna and or the minions, yes or no?" Crow asked.
"What?" Sam said in a mildly shocked tone, "Crow, no. We aren't going to kill anyone. Why do you think Clover, Alex and I brought non-lethal weapons?"
"Actually, I forgot to grab any weapons from the gear room before we left," Alex said, "Luckily, Crow brought extras of his gear, so he let me borrow some of his." To showcase this, Alex took a lightsaber hilt off of her belt, held it up, and turned it on, showing off a humming energy blade of deep, brilliant blue. "Does this count as a non-lethal weapon?" Alex asked in a curious tone.
Gawking at the weapon that her friend was holding, Sam said after turning to face Crow, "Where in the hell did you get something like that from?!" (11)
"I have my ways," Crow replied, "But that's besides the-"
"Intruders!" one of the workers in the building cried out in alarm, "Intruders hiding behind the crates along the south wall!"
"We'll talk more later," Crow said as he, the girls and the other guys all came rushing out from behind the crates to engage the workers.
Sam and Clover, both experienced in hand-to-hand combat, both used a series of punches and kicks to fight off the workers, knocking a few of them out in the process. Yusei, Jack and Kalin, who are no strangers to fighting groups of enemies, likewise knocked out some of the workers that rushed them and the others.
Sam swung the lightsaber she borrowed from Crow at a worker that tried to rush her. The worker's leg from halfway down the right shin was cut off, making him fall over and holler in unbearable pain. "Whoops, sorry," Alex said in an apologetic tone, worried that she may have caused some serious damage to the worker whose leg she just cut off, "I had no idea that this energy weapon that I borrowed from my friend could do that."
As for Crow, he took out his Sig Sauer 9MM and proceeded to open fire on the workers. Respecting Sam's request to take the workers down non-lethally, Crow aimed for shins, making the workers he shot at fall over and clutch their wounded shins in pain. After most of the workers were taken down, Inga Bittersweet exclaimed, "ENOUGH!"
Everyone turned to face the villain, who looked steamed that her plans were, once again, being foiled. "You three girls not only stopped my plans from the last time," Inga began to rant, "But you brought along friends to help you?!" Taking out a remote with a single red button on it, Inga said, "Let's see how your friends will like it if I subject them to the newest device of my own creation, the Additive ray!"
Inga then pressed a button, causing the floor next to her to part way as a hidden ray machine came out of the floor. The ray's dish, with had an antenna in the exact center, took aim at where the guys stood. Right as the ray fired a beam of energy, the guys all got out of the way except for Kalin; when the ray hit him, he instantly began to swell up like a balloon. By the time he reached the literal size of Yusei's Volkswagen van, Crow said in a worried tone, "Oh shit."
But Kalin wasn't done yet; he inflated even more so, and when he reached the size of a fairly large bounce house, he blew up with a "BLARP!", sending various body parts and blobs of human body fat all over the place; Kalin's head even landed perfectly in a trash can. (12)
"Fuck!" Jack exclaimed angrily after Kalin had blown up.
"Yeah," Yusei said in a somber tone, "Kalin was just killed."
"But did the villain have to kill Kalin in a way that got my jacket covered in gore?" Jack asked, "This is my favorite bloody jacket, for fuck's sake!"
"Yeah, I can see how it's a bloody jacket," Crow remarked, prompting Jack to flip him off. (13)
"Foolish fools!" Inga exclaimed at the girls and the remaining guys, "You're here to stop my brilliant plan of earning millions through my chain of top-of-the-line work out facilities, aren't you?! Well I won't let you!"
"What exactly is your plan this time, Inga?" Clover half asked half demanded.
"Fine, I shall tell you," Inga replied as she turned to her side. Walking around the group, Inga said, "Back when you and your two friends stopped my first plan, it was because you force-fed me a concentrated vial of my additive formula. After I was given the antidote, I caught a brief glimpse of how I looked before I returned to my normal weight." With a resigned sigh, Inga added, "I did not enjoy what I saw."
"So why are you restarting your plan with the Passion Patties?" Clover asked in an accusatory tone, "And what do the gyms have to do with it?"
"I used a slightly modified version of the additive formula this time," Inga explained, "One that doesn't blind whoever consumes it with addiction to the Passion Patties, but still gets them hooked just enough to keep going. When those who consume the new formula see how they look in the mirror, they will undoubtedly want to start exercising to lose the weight. That's where my chain of top-of-the-line gyms comes in! For a reasonable membership fee, people can work out at any location across the country! I'll make millions from this plan! No, not millions, billions!" Inga then proceeded to laugh manically.
"…Really? That was your plan this time?" Jack asked, "You used your bloody fucking cookies to make people all over the country really fat within a short amount of time, just so you can get them to pay the membership fee to work out at your chain of gyms?"
"Genius, is it not?" Inga replied with a smirk of satisfaction on her face.
"That's the dumbest fucking thing I ever heard of in my life!" Jack exclaimed, "It's even dumber than that crazy fucking lady duck who wanted to steal a dime because she thought she could make a King Midas amulet out of it! Even fucking Birdbrain here is nowhere near dumb enough to try and carry out a plan that bat shit crazy!"
"Yeah," Crow said to Inga while pointing to Jack, "He makes a good Hey wait a minute…"
"Moreover, you didn't really have to bother with trying to fatten people up all over the country with your special cookies first," Yusei pointed out as he faced the villain, "I mean, you opened your chain of gyms in the United States. All you have to do is offer better prices than any other name brand chain of gyms, and you're golden."
Inga held up her right index finger in a gesture showing that she was about to begin objecting, but before she said a word, she stopped short, and with a look of pondering on her face, began to think about what Yusei, Jack and Crow were talking about. "…Huh," Inga replied in a genuinely dumbfounded tone, "Why didn't I think of-" Inga was cut off when a huge mob of WOOHP men charged into the building all of a sudden, surrounding Inga and all of her minions.
As all of the bad guys were rounded up, Jerry waked over to the girls and the remaining guys. "Girls, guys," Jerry began in a moderately cheerful tone, "Another job well do-" Jerry stopped short when he stepped on something. Looking down, Jerry looked at what he was stepping on with clear confusion. "…What the fuck is this?" Jerry asked in a casual tone.
"Inga used a ray machine that hit Kalin," Yusei explained, "The ray made Kalin fatter and fatter until he got so big he blew up, sending parts all over the place." Pointing to what Jerry was standing on, Yusei said, "That there would be a part of one of the man tits that Kalin had prior to his detonation."
With a look of very mild disgust on his face, Jerry remarked in the same casual tone, "Well I just lost my appetite for the next several days."
Back at the Atlas Penthouse, Yusei and the other remaining guys waked in. "Well that was certainly something," Yusei remarked as he collapsed on the sofa, with Jack taking the other end of the sofa and Crow taking a plush leather armchair. As the guys relaxed, Lori came walking into the living room.
"Dean Crow," Lori began, "I just got a call from my sister Lisa. She said that she's developed an effective antidote to the formula in the Passion Patties. Lisa also told me that she has a dose of the antidote ready to go, so all you have to do is go pick it up and bring it back here so that Luna can take it."
"Wait a minute," Crow said, "Luna ate some of the tainted cookies too? Did Lisa test the antidote by having her older sister eat one of the cookies and then give her the antidote?"
"Not my sister Luna," Lori clarified, "Leo's sister Luna."
"Oh, well okay then," Crow said as he relaxed, "I'll just need to go grab the Golden Tiger Claws from my room, then I'll pop over to your family's place really quick, collect the dose of antidote for Leo's sister, then pop on over back here." Crow then walked into the hallway so he could get to his bedroom.
After Crow was gone, Lori turned to face Yusei and Jack. "Lisa also told me how she first had to test the antidote by getting someone to eat some of the tainted cookies, wait for the additive in the cookies to make them fat, then give them the antidote," Lori said in an annoyed tone, "At least Lisa literally remembered to get permission to use someone as a test subject this time."
"Did your little sister say who she tested the stuff on?" Yusei asked.
In a mildly dumbfounded tone, Lori said, "Actually, my sister Lynn volunteered to be the test subject Lisa used to see if the antidote worked. I think Lisa said something about Lynn wanting to give sumo wrestling a go."
"Isn't Sumo wrestling traditionally a boys-only deal?" Yusei asked.
With an indifferent shrug, Lori replied, "With all due respect Mr. Fudo, I literally don't care about stuff like that. The point is that yet another one of my four-year-old little sister's crazy lab experiments turned out to be a success."
"Which means everything is settled, right?" Yusei asked. After Lori nodded once in the affirmative, Yusei continued, "Then once Crow gets back with the thing for the Luna that lives here, then we can more or less call today a success." Leaning back in his seat on the sofa, Yusei said, "I don't know about Jack or Crow, but I'm sure as fuck bushed."
"Wait a minute," Lori interrupted, "Where's Mr. Kessler?"
"He was killed," Jack replied casually, "Don't worry, he'll get better." (14)
END, CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Author's notes:
1. Jack is really good at anticipating when things might go a little south.
2. The twin in question looked to weight at least three-hundred and twenty pounds.
3. Leo did the trick where it looks like he's pulling his thumb off without issue.
4. From what I've seen, it's too late for April o' Neil.
5. Jack isn't all that fond of multiple long trips back-to-back.
6. I'm pretty sure that this actually happened to some extent in the 5Ds anime.
7. Can you blame Jack?
8. This actually happened. I am not making this up.
9. Since he knows about WOOHP, Crow wouldn't be surprised by stuff like this.
10. He was like a father to Crow.
11. From someplace far, far away.
12. Nothing but net.
13. Ah, puns.
14. Jack's right, you know.
And that brings this chapter to a close. I based the plot of this chapter somewhat off of the one episode of Totally Spies involving the cookies that made Clover really big. I know, not the most original idea in the world, but my sister really wants me to get cracking on the next chapter, given that the guys will be visiting a show that she (my sister) was really fond of back when she was younger.
I guess that my sister is just your basic average girl.