A Quidditch Game for the Ages
A swirling mass of Gryffindors and Slytherins on broomsticks fought tooth and nail to smack that bloody Quaffle into the goal hoop. The score was 600-40 in Slytherin's favour. Gryffindor's captain and seeker went missing, so they had to make do with substitutes. Unfortunately, whenever Colin Creepy came across the Golden Snitch, he would either try to snap a picture of it or have to feed Malfoy some Sweet Sunday Sports Water™. Also, Malfoy's father had bought the whole Slytherin team a set of Big Bang Supernova Lightspeed 7000 broomsticks, which made them so much faster. But even without that advantage, Jerkface kept scoring goals by frightening the Gryffindor goalkeeper. The game was going terribly until a cloud of buzzing bludgers controlled by the wicked Dobby thundered into Jerkface. He fell to the ground and was relentlessly beaten to a pulp by soulless hunks of iron. Then the bludgers went on to hunt down and slaughter the rest of the Slytherin team. Malfoy escaped by catching a flying taxi and skipping town. When Colin finally caught the Golden Snitch, he brought it back to the dorm and took a photo of it inside the golden snatch. But Griffindor still lost the match.
So sad.