Adventures In Solitude

by Jdphobe

Fifteen years after Assclass, Nagisa, now 30, has done a pretty bang-up-job of becoming a teacher. Happily married, he's ready to move onto his eighth year of teaching, now at the renovated E-Class building. Life is good. But will everything he believes be tossed upon its head when he meets a strange student he quickly becomes convinced is the reincarnation of Korosensei?

39. Karasuma Time

He's a little over three years old, and he's burning ants with a magnifying glass.

He doesn't really know why. He supposes he's just bored. Mom and Dad are discussing boring adult stuff inside, and he's looking for an excuse to mess around with the tools he got for his birthday, anyways.

He hadn't received a ton of other stuff, seeing as how he'd gotten a puppy as his 'main' gift... but the puppy's tearing up the backyard right now, and it's a good time to see what the more 'minor' stuff he'd got can do.

He's always been told he's a smart kid... curious, quick-learning. He doesn't really get it, but it feels nice to hear. He supposes that's why he'd asked for a set of handheld tools for his birthday - well… tools and a puppy. But that's besides the point. The puppy is eating their flowerbed, and he doesn't make Kiyoshi very smart, anyways.

His smarts do. And that's why this feels so right in his hands.

It's a sunny day out. Hot little beads of sweat are dripping down his forehead. That's how he'd gotten the idea! He'd tried hovering the magnifying glass over his own skin to see if it could help give him some shade, and realized pretty quickly it did the opposite. He hadn't been too torn up over it, however, and quickly his attention had shifted as he noted little ants marching alongside the driveway. He'd hopped to his feet and rushed over to meet them.

Quite frankly, he'd been curious to see if ants can get hot too.

He's never seen an ant sweat… or any other animal, for that matter. In fact, he'd tried to hold the magnifying glass over Taro, too, but that'd been no use. He's simply too fast, too energetic, and too silly. That's okay, though. Ants will do. They can't move as fast as Taro can, and they're much grodier looking, anyways.

At first he thinks it's a fluke. The ants don't seem to notice much, and he starts to lose interest. But he reminds himself a lot of things can take a super long time - like waiting for rides at the amusement park! And decides to hold out for a little while longer. After all, he's a smart kid, and smart kids are patient.

Slowly but surely, they start to waver. He's not sure how long it takes… but as he keeps the magnifying glass focused on one group of ants they crawl to a halt. Slow down… stagger, and then collapse.

He smells something bad. Feels his nose wrinkle... but he doesn't let up. He pokes an ant with his pinky, wondering if it's still alive... but it doesn't move, and more than anything he just sort of accidentally crushes it.

Okay, so that settles that, then. But it doesn't quite mean he's done, either. He's heard you should always double-check your work, just to make sure you're right! And besides, he's not really sure what he's supposed to have learned yet. He'll try it out with a few more ants just to make sure.

Still on his knees, he follows their trail to somewhere over in the grass. At first he considers shining the glass there, but quickly decides against it. He remembers the bad smell the ants gave off, and the time he left a stuffed animal on the lamp only for it to catch on fire. Something tells him if he shines the glass on the lawn, then something not too dissimilar to that will occur.

(So they're burning then? Curious!)

Besides, he's found something much more interesting than ants crawling on the grass, anyways: a little mound of dirt… piled up almost too small for him to see. He's watched Animal Planet before! He knows this must be their home! Perfect! There should be a lot of ants here.

He rips out every bit of grass nearby, careful not to touch the ant hole itself, before scooting in close and holding the magnifying glass up with pride. Before he gets a chance to smell that nasty burning scent again, however, he hears footsteps behind him, and a stern voice speak up.

"█████… what are you doing?"

Kiyoshi whips around, eyes wide as he gawks up at his inquisitor: A massive, stern man... one who towers over him… with tired eyes and gentle hands.

...Dad.

Kiyoshi thinks it over for a moment, meeting Dad's concerned gaze, before turning back around and giving a shrug. "Studying," he decides on. "With the tools you and Mom got me!"

Dad crouches down to get a closer look, eyebrows furrowing as he watches Kiyoshi hover the magnifying glass over the ant hole.

"...I see," he says in a voice that seems to imply he does not 'see' even remotely. "Studying what, if I may ask?"

"Ants!" Kiyoshi declares proudly, pointing to where one has begun to keel over. "I don't think they like the magnifying glass very much!"

Dad cocks an eyebrow. "I can see that," he notes, scratching at the back of his neck. "Though I am… a little confused as to why you're doing this if you understand that."

Kiyoshi tilts his head. "Huh?"

"█████, sweetie… you do realize that hurts them, right?"

Now that gives Kiyoshi pause. His hand lowers to his side, and he lets the magnifying glass rest against the grass.

"Oh," he says. "I didn't know that." He pauses, looking up at his Dad with big, watery eyes. "I didn't make a mistake, did I, Dad?"

"No," Dad replies. "Of course not. I simply-"

"Cool!" Kiyoshi interrupts, scrambling to hold the magnifying glass up once more. "I can keep doing it then, yeah?"

Dad sputters. "Well I didn't- that's not what I said."

"Why not?" asks, huffing. "You said you don't care, and Mom hates the ants! She's always bitching about them. 'Oh! They make the place so dirty!' 'Oh-'"

"Okay. So.. first of all, don't use words like that to describe your mother," Dad says.

"She says it's fine!"

"And she's out of her mind. Second of all: just because I'm not going to punish you for it doesn't mean it's okay."

Kiyoshi pauses, before giving another shrug. "Well, that doesn't make any sense. They're just ants. You smoosh them all the time. And it's not like they've got feelings."

"That's true…" Dad admits, watching Kiyoshi roast the ants. "But all the same…" He places a hand on his hand, and slowly guides it away from the ant hole. "Well- it's not particularly even about the ants."

"What's it about, then?"

Dad pauses. "Well… think about it this way: you're right. I don't really care about the ants… and I do 'smoosh' them all the time. But… this is different. They're not in our house. They're in their own. And you're breaking in and hurting them. For what?"

Kiyoshi takes a moment to think that over. "Curiosity, I guess," he decides on.

"Which is… fine. But there are better ways to expel that energy. You wouldn't like it very much if someone broke into your house and did that to you, would you?"

Kiyoshi sticks his tongue out, shaking his head with a pout. "Well, yeah," he admits. "But no-one can do that to me, silly!"

"You say that… but…" Dad reaches over to grab Kiyoshi's arm, giving him a firm pinch.

Kiyoshi yelps, yanking his arm away.

"Hey!? What was that for!?" He demands.

"To show you there are still all sorts of ways you can be harmed," Dad says simply. "You're right: no-one can come into your house with a giant magnifying glass and burn you up. But you are bound to meet stronger and scarier people than you in your life. And some of them aren't bound to be very nice. That's why…"

"Why?"

"That's why you shouldn't be one of them," Dad decides on. "I plan to teach you everything you'll need to know. About how to protect yourself… how to stand up for yourself against people like that. But I need you to make me a promise first… that you'll never use those skills against someone who's not quite as strong as you. You don't want people to see you as a bully, do you?"

Kiyoshi shakes his head, giving Dad a stunned look. "Of course not!"

"Because that's what this is: bullying. And while it doesn't particularly matter when done to ants… I don't want you to grow up to be someone who does that to people. I've... seen people like that. And they're never happy. They're deeply insecure, cruel people, and they scare everyone around them. That's why… when you meet people smaller than you. People who you think are weaker, you gotta protect them. Not hurt them just because you can."

"Even if they're just ants?"

"Even if they're just ants."

"And even if I'm curious?"

Dad's quiet for a long moment. "...Even if you're curious."

"Okay," Kiyoshi finally says. "I'll stop." He's still not entirely sure he gets it… but… he loves his dad. He doesn't want to upset him. And besides… when he thinks about the sort of people his dad described… those insecure, cruel people, he has a feeling Dad's right about just how lonely they are.

"Good," Dad says. "Come on. Let's use that magnifying glass on something much more producti-"

"We should give them fruit!"

"...Pardon?"

Kiyoshi pumps his little fists in the air. "Y'know! To make it up to them! Ants like fruit, right? So we can give them some. Then they'll be less sad about the fact that I started hurting them."

"Well…" Dad scratches at the back of his neck. "I'm not sure Mom will like that idea very mu-"

"Mom doesn't gotta know!" Kiyoshi declares, leaping to take Dad's hand. "C'mon! Pretty please?! Just this once! I won't do it again! I promise!"

Dad looks close to arguing, but he takes one long look into those puppy dog eyes and relents. His shoulders fall and he admits "Okay. Just this once. Let's give the ants fruit... as a peace offering."

They retrieve watermelon and blueberries... anything that they can leave out in the backyard without the risk of Taro accidentally poisoning himself. They break it into little pieces and leave it in rows for the ants to discover. Slowly but surely they return to their routine… retreating from the ant hole and creeping over to retrieve their prize. They carry it effortlessly. Kiyoshi watches in awe.

...It really is sorta cool what the little guys can do when they work together sometimes.

In due time, Dad returns inside. He leaves Kiyoshi alone to his devices... and he leaves Kiyoshi alone to try and ride on the dog like a horse. But before he returns inside for dinner that night, Kiyoshi sends a glance towards the ant hole one last time, and notes where the charred corpses of the ants he'd burned still lie.

He pauses… wonders if there's only so much you can make up for, and if that's the reason he shouldn't be a bully. He's not certain… but he hopes the ants will be able to forgive him one day.

After all, if there's only one thing he can do... he thinks he'd like that to be to grow up into a person his dad will be proud of.

---

Karasuma's staring through him as he lies on the floor... knuckles bloodied, eye still freshly bruised. It's indecipherable… the expression he's looking at Kiyoshi with now… but he knows one thing for certain:

It's not pride.

He starts to take a step forward, but Kiyoshi stops him: speaking up in a trembling voice.

"Don't. 'ts dangerous in here. You don't wanna step on the glass."

Karasuma's eyes drift towards the ground... and widen slightly as he notes the shattered mirror. He takes a step backward, reaching his hand out to block where the dog had been following him.

"Taro. Stay," he commands, shutting the door behind him. There's a persistent scratch on the door outside, but Karasuma doesn't seem to note it. His gaze is fixed solely on Kiyoshi.

It's not that long ago that Kiyoshi had noted he'd never seen his dad afraid. But the expression his dad is looking at him with right now… it seems pretty close.

"Kiyoshi," he repeats in an empty voice. "What… what happened?"

His mouth hangs open for a moment after he speaks. He doesn't dare take another step closer, but his hand's stiff as a board.

Kiyoshi feels a twang of shame at his father even seeing him in this state. He scoots backwards… careful to avoid sliding against the glass, and shakes his head.

"I… I can't- it- it doesn't matter-" He sputters. There's too much to explain. Too much that makes him want to bow his head and shriek. Too much he knows his dad would be ASHAMED of him for. He can't breathe a word of it.

"What happened to me… it- it doesn't matter. I just want to know about mom-"

"What?" Karasuma asks, eyes wide as saucers

"I said it doesn't matter! So just tell me about mom! Is she okay now!? Is everything finally alright!?" Kiyoshi's struggling to breathe. "Please… tell me I finally fixed things. Tells me she's getting better! Don't tell me I gave everything up and it didn't even matter!"

She has to. She has to be alright. He has to have fixed that. Even if he can't fix what he did to Fumiko… even if he can't fix himself. Please- tell him Mom's okay. He'll do anything!

"Kiyoshi, that has nothing to do with-" Karasuma sputters. "You have nothing to do with what happened to your mother! What are you talking about?"

Of… of course. Of course he wouldn't get it. He looks at Kiyoshi with those clueless eyes, and he feels his gut fucking twist. Just stop it!

" Just tell me. Please. It's all I want-" Kiyoshi gasps for air. "Mom. Did I fix it? Please. Tell me I fixed it. Dad- I need you to-"

Karasuma's gaze flits from Kiyoshi's black eye to his bloodied hand... towards the shattered mirror, then to the hole in the wall.

"Kiyoshi… there have been no updates. I don't have any news about your mother's condition-"

"No! Come on!" Kiyoshi shrieks. "Why!?"

"Kiyoshi-!"

"I ruined everything for nothing!"

"What are you-?" Karasuma freezes, eyes locking onto Kiyoshi's punctured, bloody hand. He shakes his head. "No. We don't - we don't have time for this," he sputters. "We need to…- I need to get you to the hospital!"

Kiyoshi's reaction is instantaneous. He kicks himself backwards, glass shredding through his pant leg as he presses himself back up against the wall. He covers his face with his good hand... struggling for breath.

"No. No. I can't-" he whispers, heart pounding in his ears. "I… I can't go. My friends will find out… they'll… they'll…-"

His head starts to spin. They'll blame themselves. They'll think he's guilting them. They'll know he had a mental break! They'll... know he can't take 'no' as an answer! They'll see everything! He can't -! he's not ready to-! he doesn't want to-"

HE CAN'T GO BACK THERE!

"Kiyoshi!" Karasuma cries, rushing over to his side. But Kiyoshi's having none of it. He kicks. Screams. Does anything he can possibly think of to keep himself away from that place. He knows his dad could overpower him in an instant… but he can't - he won't allow it. He fights with everything he has, and when his dad takes him by the shoulder- saying words as empty as "everything will be okay," Kiyoshi claws at him. Sobs. Scratches. Begs!

"I'm scared- I'm scared- Don't take me there, please!"

"You're injured!" Karasuma stammers, eyes wide and face a grimace. "You're… you're bleeding. You might have severed something. We need to… we need to get you help. They'll know what to do."

"I don't care!" Kiyoshi sobs, still thrashing. "It doesn't matter! Nothing matters! Don't- I don't wanna-! I'm not ready-!"

"I…-" Karasuma stares. "I can't just do nothing! Come on, Kiyoshi. We need to do something. I know you're afraid, but…-" He tugs at Kiyoshi's good hand… pulling him to his feet. "That's okay. I'll be here for you… I'll-"

Kiyoshi grabs at the windowsill with his bad hand, blood smearing across the wood as he clings to it for dear life. He feels the glass shards dig deeper into his palm. "

NO!" he shrieks, desperately trying to rip his other hand from Karasuma's grasp. "NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! YOU WON'T! YOU CAN'T! IF YOU MAKE ME GO, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

Now that gives Karasuma pause. His grip goes slack, and his hand releases from Kiyoshi's palm. It's hard to make out his expression through eyes clouded by tears, but when Kiyoshi turns his head over his shoulder to stare at his father... he swears he spots genuine helplessness in his eyes.

Karasuma… who always knows what to do. Karasuma… who's never been afraid. Kiyoshi did this to him…

(About time he actually gives a shit)

NO. NO!

"What are… what are you going to do?" Kiyoshi asks, voice quiet.

Karasuma's silent, as if asking himself the same question.

"I don't know," he finally admits. "But… I won't take you to the hospital if you really don't want me to. Just come over here at least. Let me get an idea of your injuries-"

"I… I can't. I shouldn't. You should get out of here-" Kiyoshi whispers.

"Kiyoshi! I can't do that!"

"It's… it's fine. I'll be fine. I just… I just threw a temper tantrum. Nothing bad happened to me. I did this to myself. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"Kiyoshi-! I couldn't do that if my life depended on it. Right now you're-"

"Fine! I'm fine! If anything you should be worried about the house… the dog! Make sure I didn't break anything beyond repair! Hurt anyo-"

"None of that matters right now!"

Kiyoshi finds himself genuinely stunned by the way his dad raises his voice. He only notices it just now… but it seems like Karasuma's quivering, too.

"The dog… the room… none of that matters. Taro is fine. I saw him right outside your door. You didn't do anything to him. And as for the room, there are more pressing matters right now. You're clearly not doing well, and you need someone by your side right now. I'm not going anywhere, so come over here before I have to beg."

...Beg. Beg. What a powerful word. Tadaomi Karasuma doesn't beg. He bows to no-one. But even so... he looks down at Kiyoshi with these blank, narrow eyes... and Kiyoshi spots a sense of desperation in them.

Karasuma - who's never cared. Karasuma- who should really just go. He stands there… voice strained, and he says 'nothing else matters right now.' 'I want to protect you.'

...Somehow, Kiyoshi thought this moment would have felt more fulfilling. Karasuma's finally looking at him like he matters. But instead of fulfilled, he thinks he just feels sad. He thinks he just feels tired. And more than anything, he thinks he just feels bad for pushing such a strong person to this point.

Feeling terrible or not, however, there's no holding the tears back for a moment longer. All of the apprehension seeming to flood from his body, Kiyoshi lets out a sob and stumbles Karasuma's way.

"Okay," he says. "Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll let you help." Even though it makes his heart ache and his body tremble. Even if he doesn't deserve it, and even if he's scared. Because he can't stand to see his Karasuma look at him that way for a moment longer. "Please - please help. I'll do anything-"

...It's only now he realizes just how badly his hand hurts.

Karasuma is careful as Kiyoshi staggers towards him. He places a hand on his back, but doesn't let doesn't let Kiyoshi do the same. He tells him to let his arm go slack… asks him if he'd gotten anything embedded in his leg… and carefully guides him towards the bathroom.

"I… ah…- okay-" Kiyoshi says, letting his arm hang by his side. "I don't think I hurt my leg… but… but… I'm not sure- It's hard to focus - I can't quite-"

"That's okay," Karasuma interjects. "I'll check."

He's professional about it first and foremost. He retrieves tweezers from the upper cabinet and slowly helps wedge the larger pieces of glass out from between Kiyoshi's knuckles. He doesn't speak… simply stands tall with an all too steady hand… and gives Kiyoshi a quiet look.

Kiyoshi averts his gaze… eyes drifting down towards the plain white tile. He feels something drip down his index finger, and wonders just how much he's bleeding.

"Let me know if it hurts," Karasuma says.

"It doesn't," Kiyoshi replies. "At least… uh… not much."

"Do you think you severed anything?"

"I'm not sure."

"If you did, we will have to get medical attention. I can take care of this… but my training doesn't cover injuries that severe. I don't want you permanently damaging your nerves."

...Kiyoshi shifts uncomfortably.

Karasuma places an awkward hand on his shoulder. "...If we have to, I'll make sure you're ready first. I'll be there with you the whole time. Okay?"

Kiyoshi's not entirely sure he believes that, but he's hardly in a position to fight.

"...Okay," he says "Sounds good."

Karasuma must note the tension, because he changes the topic quickly.

"Did you get this from the mirror?" he asks, starting to prod at the deeper shards with a needle.

It takes all of Kiyoshi's strength not to wince. But he does feel some relief as yet another splinter works its way out of his finger.

"...Yeah," he says. "I don't think it went deep, though. I don't throw a good punch."

Somewhere not too long ago, his fist goes through the wall effortlessly. Aguri cowers in the corner, and he feels close to on top of the goddamn world.

...He wonders how long that weakness will last.

"What about the bruises?" Karasuma asks, plugging the sink. He lets warm water run, but wards Kiyoshi's hand away from it. "On your eye and your other hand."

"I punched a hole in the wall," Kiyoshi admits, shuffling uncomfortably. Who is he kidding? 'Can't throw a good punch?' He can be downright scary when he wants to.

...He doesn't mention the black eye.

Dad doesn't push. He pours baking soda and soap into the sink.

"Soak your hand," he instructs. "Try not to move it too much. It might embed deeper."

Kiyoshi does as told. He stands awkwardly... submerging his hand in the water. It stings to the touch.

"Sorry," he says. He's not entirely sure what for.

"Don't be," Karasuma says, crouching down. "I'm going to look at your leg. You skid across the ground pretty hard earlier. I want to make sure you didn't shred it up."

"Okay," Kiyoshi says, watching blood pool in the water.

Karasuma runs his hand carefully across Kiyoshi's pant leg. He brushes shards of glass off into his own palm, then tosses them into the trash. When that's done with, he rolls Kiyoshi's pant leg up in search of wounds.

"You shredded yourself up pretty bad," he states. "I don't see any glass still caught in there, but there's a massive cut on your right thigh."

"Sorry," Kiyoshi repeats.

"Don't say that," Karasuma replies, standing and taking a quick glance towards the sink. "Remove your hand for one second. I'm going to wet a rag."

Kiyoshi nods, lifting his hand from the soapy liquid. Karasuma retrieves a rag from the cabinet, running it under warm water for a long moment before lathering it in soap and turning his head back towards Kiyoshi.

"Okay. You can soak it again," he says. "I'm going to take care of your leg. Let me know if it stings."

There's a sharp pain as Karasuma dabs the rag to Kiyoshi's skin. But Kiyoshi doesn't complain. Instead, he simply stands as still as he can and stares at himself in the mirror.

After what feels like forever, Karasuma finally stands. He instructs Kiyoshi to remove his hand from the sink once more.

"How does it feel?" he asks. "Does anything still hurt? See if you can still move it. I'm going to grab bandages. Stay right here."

Some part of Kiyoshi wants to run… flee from the compassion and the shame as his dad turns and shuts the door behind him. But there's nowhere he could possibly go. He's stuck here with this person and this feeling... with blood trickling down his hand… and with a heart so heavy it aches.

(He remembers Karasuma's steady hand, and thinks 'maybe I wouldn't run, even if given the chance.')

...He's not sure.

Karasuma returns in due time, bandages in hand. He doesn't speak… simply crouches down and wraps them firmly around Kiyoshi's leg. He asks if anywhere else hurts… if there's anything else he should bandage up.

"No," Kiyoshi admits. "I don't think so."

"How is your hand?"

"...Better, I think." It still aches with each movement, but it's hard to tell how much of that is glass and how much of that is simply the wounds.

"I'm going to bandage that as well. Let me know if you feel anything sharp. I don't want to have missed anything," Karasuma says. Then… carefully, he takes Kiyoshi's hand and wraps it… tight.

"Does it feel okay?"

"...Yeah. It feels just fine."

"Just in case, we can keep soaking twice a day. That should work any remaining shards out. If it starts to look infected, I'll alert the hospital. Flex it real quick. I want to make sure you have a full range of movement.

Kiyoshi does as instructed. Karasuma watches carefully, then nods… letting out a small sigh of relief. "...Everything looks good. At least for now," he admits. "It seems you were right. The glass didn't go in deep."

Kiyoshi nods back, but doesn't speak. He awkwardly meanders from foot to foot, unsure of what to say.

'Thank you?' …Is it time for that? Or… or… something else? Karasuma is still staring at him so intently. He wonders if he should apologize again.

"We should go," Karasuma says. "The bathroom is no place to discuss these things. How about we go back to your room?"

"I'd like that," Kiyoshi says, stepping out of the bathroom. He tries to keep his distance… hovering a few feet from Karasuma, but Karasuma closes the gap. He wraps a firm arm around Kiyoshi's shoulders, clinging to him like he's afraid he might collapse.

Kiyoshi feels half ready to collapse. He falls down onto his bed with a heavy 'thump.' Karasuma watches him carefully... but doesn't move to speak.

"...You can go now, if you'd like," Kiyoshi admits. "You… uh… you fixed everything."

Karasuma shakes his head, lowering himself onto the bed beside Kiyoshi. He stares at him for a long moment.

"...Something tells me I didn't."

"Listen… I'm… thankful. I really am. But… you did everything you can. You should go. You shouldn't… w-worry about me. You can't… help me with the rest of this."

"Kiyoshi," Karasuma says. "You are my son. I'm going to worry no matter what you say. You just… you just went through a complete mental break, and I still don't even know what happened to cause it. Even if I can't fix it… please… at least let me know what you're going through."

Kiyoshi scoots away slightly. Karasuma frowns, but doesn't follow after. Simply sits there… arms crossed over his lap.

"...Did you get in a fight?" he asks.

"I don't know," Kiyoshi answers.

"Are you stressed about Mom?"

"Of course I am."

"...Did someone hurt you?"

Kiyoshi's silent.

"Your eye. It looks like someone punched you. Are you getting picked on at school? Did someone try to attack you? Whoever it is- just let me know. I won't… I won't let them lay a hand on you-"

"I tried to hurt someone else."

He can't stand it - Karasuma talking to him so delicately… with compassion. He doesn't get it! He's WRONG, okay!? Kiyoshi's not some - he's not some victim. He's-!

"...Oh."

'Oh,' is damn right. The shock to Karasuma's voice is palpable. It makes Kiyoshi's hands shake and his heart ache... but at the very least his father finally seems to get that he hasn't raised some innocent little baby. Unable to meet his gaze, Kiyoshi curls up into his legs and buries his face in his knees.

(Disgusting, isn't it?)

"...Do you want to talk about it?"

Kiyoshi freezes.

"I can't force you to if you don't want to. But I know… you wouldn't just hurt someone for no reason… and if it's really weighing on you, then you can always talk to me. I'm not going to judge you."

'You should,' Kiyoshi thinks, biting down on his lip.

"And if you don't want to talk about it… then that's okay, too. I'll just sit here with you. I'll just sit here with you until it feels a little less heavy, or until you're ready to come to me. Is that… is that okay with you?"

There's a weight in Kiyoshi's chest. Even as he avoids meeting Karasuma's gaze… he can feel those warm eyes locked onto him. He can hear the way Karasuma steadies his voice... even though he's scared, and the way he tries to say 'I'm dependable. You can come to me.'

...Where was this person all those years ago?

Where was this Karasuma when he was twelve years old, and he was scared he was never going to have real friends? Where was this Karasuma when he was nine, and he'd have panic attacks so violent he'd convulse? Where was this Karasuma when he was seven? Five? Three? Thirteen!? Where has this person been all his life!?

Why now? Now of all times?

...When he already hates himself…! When all he wants to hear is 'she was right about you...!' When he knows the way his parents treated him all these years was justified because he's a monster… and when he's decided it's already far too late for him! Because he's Yanagisawa! Because he's bad! Because it's too damn late, and all he wants to hear is… is… is…-

"No. It's not okay with me."

Karasuma freezes.

"None of… none of this is okay with me! You're using those compassionate words, but you're wrong, okay!? I would hurt someone for no reason, and I have! Just now! Today! 'Tried' to hurt someone!? Who am I kidding!? I did hurt someone! And really bad-!"

"Kiyoshi-"

"No! Don't 'Kiyoshi' me! This isn't some - this isn't some little misunderstanding! You have no idea! I got in a huge fight with one of my friends! And you know what I did? I- I hurt them! I - started arguing and I just - I got mad... and I got scared... and I... I...-"

"I hit them, okay!?"

He's not even sure what he's saying. But he's not sure what else he's supposed to say. He didn't hurt anyone today. Not physically at least, but his dad won't believe him if he tells him he's some long-dead sociopath! He has to earn that scorn in the only way he knows how!

(Besides. It feels like just yesterday he did those things, anyways.)

"Not just a little, either! Like really bad! They didn't even - they didn't even try to fight back! But I didn't care! I was just so - so angry and wounded I just kept and kept attacking them. They were... they were on the ground and they couldn't get up and I couldn't stop! I didn't want to stop! There is something seriously wrong with me!"

"I think I... I think I enjoyed it. Hurting that person. Even for - even for just a brief moment. And that... that scares the shit out of me! That means there is something so, so wrong with me. The first thing you ever taught me when I was a little boy was to be compassionate with people, and I'm not! I've never been! E... even if you can't see it, I can! And... I... I'm capable of really hurting people weaker than me! I'm a terrible person! "

Karasuma's staring at him with an indecipherable expression. Kiyoshi doesn't even realize he'd started crying again until he feels snot drip down his lip. He bats at his face to wipe it away, then covers his eyes with his hands… far too ashamed to meet that gaze for a second longer. He's sorry-! He's sorry, okay!? But what else is he supposed to say!?

"...Has this... has this ever happened before now?" Karasuma asks.

"I mean... sort of-! Yeah!? It's complicated!"

"...I've never heard about this."

"It doesn't - I - I've gotten away with a lot of shit you haven't heard about, okay?"

"Have you talked to Nagisa about this?"

"...No."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

"...No."

There's a patience to Karasuma's voice. It's impossible to deny he's concerned... apprehensive, even… but as he speaks a steady sense of sympathy remains in his tone. Something about it makes Kiyoshi's hand twitch. Why? Why now of all times won't he tell him he's disappointed in him? That he's mad? That he's ashamed? He's resented Kiyoshi for pretty much all of his life…! And so why? Why won't he just say it?

It's almost like…

"...You don't believe me, do you?"

Karasuma's eyes widen.

"You don't think I'm capable of it! You think I'm - you think I'm making it up! Exaggerating!"

"Kiyoshi. I would never-"

"Yes you would! How else can you talk to me like - how else could you be okay with this!? How else could you be okay with me!? The first thing you ever taught me was to be kind! And now that I haven't been, you won't even believe me! Because otherwise it wouldn't mean anything! If you believed me, and you still didn't care, it would mean you just told me that for nothing!"

"Kiyoshi-"

"Well I'll prove myself to you! I'll prove I'm bad! And I'll prove I'm capable of hurting people! I- I- I-!"

Before Kiyoshi even realizes what he's doing, he's sent a fist flying towards Karasuma. Karasuma catches it in midair, however... staring down at him with piercing eyes.

Kiyoshi closes his eyes and whimpers. "Shut up! Stop trying to stop me! I'll show you I'm someone you shouldn't care about! I will!"

He draws another arm back. Sends it flying into Karasuma's chest. He doesn't block it this time, but all the same, he doesn't budge. Sniveling... growling, Kiyoshi pounds his fists into Karasuma's chest time and time again… each to the same effect. With each swing he feels some of that strength... that anger seep from his body... and before he even knows it, he's simply just tapping his curled fists against Karasuma's chest with a desolate sob.

"...Do you feel any better yet?" Karasuma asks.

The way he says it makes Kiyoshi want to punch him again. But something tells him it wouldn't be to much effect.

"No," he growls instead. "I don't."

"Didn't hurt very much."

Kiyoshi curls himself back in up to his knees and scoots away slightly. "Mmm… yeah. I know."

He's silent for a long moment.

"...Okay. So yeah. Whatever. Maybe I can't really hurt people yet. Maybe you're right. But I really did want to hurt someone today. Is that suddenly okay with you? What about when I'm older? What about when I'm stronger? What if one day I still want to hurt people, and I really can? What then? Are you still not going to do anything? Because then it may as well be your fault."

He doesn't mean that. He could never. No matter what happens in the future, he's always going to blame himself for it. But he just wants to say something - anything to make his dad realize how serious this is.

"...For the record," Karasuma says. "I do believe you. That you got in a fight, and even that you seriously wanted to hurt someone. I'd never doubt you saying that with such sincerity. But I'm still not worried about your future, Kiyoshi. Because you know what I don't believe you on? That you enjoyed it."

"Right now… you were just making the most horrible face. Tearstained… miserable… distraught... that's how you looked trying to attack me. I'd bet my life you made that same face when you got into a fight with your friend."

Karasuma shakes his head. "We wouldn't be having this conversation right now if you hadn't. You wouldn't have wrecked your room, and you certainly wouldn't have started crying like this. You're an honest boy, Kiyoshi. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You wouldn't start crying like this if you didn't feel guilty."

"And so it's just okay, then? It's okay that I beat someone up because I feel bad about it!?"

"Of course not!"

"How do you know I won't do it again!? And how do you know I won't feel bad then, too!? What does it matter!? As long as I'm hurting people, then how I feel about it doesn't mean shit!"

"Yes it does! It means you'll be more hesitant to behave the same way in the future! I'd know. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does things they regr-"

"Some mistakes are worse than others!"

Karasuma is silent for a long moment. Finally, he breathes in through his nose, then speaks up in a calm, collected tone.

"...I never said they weren't," he states. "I never said what you did was right, and I never said I was okay with it. I'll tell you I'm disappointed in you, even, if that's what you really want. But I am never going to give up on you over it. Because I know that's not who you are. You are my son, Kiyoshi… I know you don't like hurting people. And if you're afraid you do, then I'll be here to stop you."

"I'll be here to make sure you can become someone you'll be proud of."

Karasuma doesn't smile, but all the same there's a warmth behind his eyes. A steadiness to his tone- and a promise in his words... the words that make Kiyoshi want to jump in his arms and accept that embrace. Karasuma - who believes in him. Who wants to see the best in him.

...There's only one issue with that.

"Like hell you will."

Kiyoshi doesn't mean to say it with such vitriol. But the moment the words leave his lips, he knows they come from the heart.

"...You keep saying these things - but what do you even know about me!? You have never been around. You don't know I'm kind! You don't know I'm compassionate! You don't know I even feel sorry! You don't know me at all! You hardly fucking talk to me! Why are you suddenly so certain I'm a good person!? Because it makes you feel better about yourself!?"

('Because it makes you feel better about raising a monster!?')

It's only then that Karasuma's expression really seems to fall.

Kiyoshi almost feels bad... at least until he realizes it's the first time he's ever earned a reaction like this from his dad. Not just during this conversation - but ever! The knit-back, guilty eyebrows and troubled frown. Where has this reaction been all his life!? Does his dad only care now because he's shitty!?

"Of… of course no-"

"No! Don't try to stand up for yourself! You know I'm right!" Kiyoshi refutes, irritation prickling in his tone. "You know you don't know me! And you know it makes me feel like you don't care. But you don't care about that, do you!?" He turns slightly, leaving his back to face Karasuma. "Otherwise you would have done something. Otherwise… otherwise…"

(...Maybe he wouldn't feel like such a shitty person right now.)

"Well… otherwise you would have at least bothered to say 'I love you.'"

Karasuma stares for a long moment.

"I do love you-!"

"Since when!?" Kiyoshi snaps. "You have never said that to me! Once! In my entire life I cannot recall a single time that you've told me that! That you love me! That you're proud of me! Anything! Every time I'm stressed you do nothing. Every. Time I have an issue you just sit there!? Why!? Because I deserve it!? Because I'm not good enough for you!? Or because you just don't give a shit!?"

"Who am I kidding!?" he says, throwing his hands in the air. "It's all three! I am shitty! AND I don't deserve to have a good family! Because I'm not a good person! I deserve to have a mother who's dying, and I deserve to have a father who doesn't even love me! Who's so aloof - so above it all when I'm not. When I'm anxious, and pathetic, and everything that could bring shame to him! I don't blame you for being - for being disappointed- but I wish you'd at least pretend to give a shit!"

"If not me, then about Mom! You have not cried once since she had her accident. Do you even care!? Or does that not matter to you, too!? Is this just another little inconvenience for you!? Are you too tough to give a shit!? Or have you just never cared!? You never told her you loved her, either! And now she's going to die feeling alone- and shitty - and unloved- and like she wasted her life. All because… all because…-"

He struggles for breath. "...All because she got stuck with you. And you never once let her know you cared."

Karasuma falls silent. Kiyoshi feels horrible pretty much instantly for saying it, but all the same… he means it- doesn't he!? He's been thinking about it for weeks! Months! Years, even! How fucked up his family is! That anger… that sadness… it's real, isn't it? He just… he just…-

...Doesn't know what to do.

He refuses to meet Karasuma's eyes... simply stares down at his quivering, bandaged hand, and takes one ragged breath after the other.

"...I can see what you're doing, you know."

Karasuma's voice is tiny. Tinier than Kiyoshi's ever heard it. But as he reaches out to place a shaking hand on Kiyoshi's shoulder, he knows it's a voice brimming with honesty.

"These… these things you're saying about me… you don't mean them, do you? I'm sure… I'm sure I have hurt you in many, many ways… that much is true. But you know I love your mother, and you know I love you. That's why... I won't let you do this." His grip on Kiyoshi's shoulder tightens. "...You're trying to push me away, aren't you?"

Kiyoshi blinks. He hadn't entirely realized it up until he'd heard it from Karasuma's mouth, but… it's true, isn't it? It's not that - it's not that he's not mad at Karasuma. Sometimes he thinks he hates him more than anything. But if there's one thing he hates even more than his father, it's himself… and he can't bear the weight of support right now.

...Kiyoshi doesn't respond.

"You keep saying these things- about being terrible- about not deserving help. And maybe you couldn't prove yourself to me about that through your fists, so you thought you might be able to do that with your words. That if you said something hurtful enough… you could demonize yourself... Scare me away. After all… it's worked in the past, hasn't it?"

"You're right, Kiyoshi. I… haven't been around for you. And part of that is because I'm afraid I'm not good enough for you. I am so- so scared of failing you. But… that's no excuse. And I can see now… I already have. But this time… no matter what you say to me, I'm not going to run away. No matter how harshly you resent me… reject me… tears me to shreds- I am not going anywhere right now Kiyoshi."

"...Because I know you need me."

It's only then that Karasuma does something he hasn't done for a very long time. He leans in and wraps his arms around Kiyoshi's shoulders… pulling him into his chest and hugging him tight.

At first- Kiyoshi resists... kicking- writhing- doing anything to fight back against the affection he's so certain he doesn't deserve. But just as soon… all the strength seems to seep from his body. He collapses into his father's embrace, and finally - finally accepts what he's wanted for years now.

...That 'I love you.'

He can't hold back the waterworks a second more. He buries his face in Karasuma's- no… in Dad's chest and wails.

"I'm sorry!" he cries. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said those things! I know you- I know you- you just did so much for me… you just cleaned up my whole mess. And I had the audacity to talk to you like that!? What's wrong with me!?"

"Nothing," Dad says, holding him tight. "There is nothing wrong with you. Please… believe me when I say that. Everything you said to me… you have every right to feel that way. But please… just know that no matter what - no matter what you do- I will ALWAYS care about you. That's the one thing I never want you to doubt."

"You are not a burden, and you do not deserve to be going through this. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you do. You are kind… and empathetic… and so, so smart. And I wish you'd give yourself more credit. You could change the world if you wanted to. I know I maybe don't have the best perspective to say these things, but I'm still certain of them. I'm your father. I've watched you grow up. And I know you'll just manage to become someone I can be proud of."

He pauses, hand hovering over Kiyoshi's back. "...Hell… you already have."

Kiyoshi struggles for breath, nails digging into the back of Dad's suit. "Promise me," he begs through sobs. " Please. Promise me you mean that. Promise me you're proud of me. Promise me you're not just saying that to make me feel better. And promise me you're still going to love me… even if I screw up." He whimpers. "Even though I already have-"

"I promise," Dad says, voice firm. "I promise you. I'm not - I don't tell white lies. You should know that. I have trouble speaking from the heart... but if I say something, I mean it. And I'm always going to. I'll always tell you what you need to hear, and I'll always tell you what I believe."

Kiyoshi sniffles, wiping his face on Dad's shirt. He hiccups and gasps, murmuring "Thank you," over and over and over.

"Just… please. Make me a promise, too."

Dad's hand drifts up towards Kiyoshi's head, palm resting snugly in his hair. There's a rigidity to the way he moves.

"...Today… Shiota-sensei and I talked about some things. About what happened to your mother, and about what's happening to you. And Shiota-sensei said… he was worried about you. He told me he was scared you might hurt yourself, or even do something worse. And something about that… well, it terrified me. I'd never thought about that as a possibility before. But I came home today, and I saw you beat up - covered in blood- and for one horrible moment I thought I was too late. I'd really thought I'd maybe lost you."

He runs his fingers through Kiyoshi's hair, other hand pulling him in closer to his chest. "Please. Promise me you'll never do that to me."

"I know I've failed you. And I know… I know you have issues. But please… I want to do better. No matter what you do- no matter how you feel about yourself - I will always want you in my life. And so… please… just promise me you'll be careful."

His grip tightens. His breath hitches and he lets out a low wheeze.

...That's when Kiyoshi feels something wet slowly drip and land on his forehead.

His body goes stiff. A sudden sinking feeling in his gut, he whispers "You're… you're-"

Dad nods, dabbing awkwardly at his eyes. It's hard to spot, but one tiny tear after another runs down his face. He seems embarrassed, almost… this apprehensive, insecure look on his face.

"I'm… crying," he admits with a sigh. "You said earlier you've… never seen this from me before. That you haven't seen me cry since what happened to Mom… and maybe that you've never even seen me cry at all. That didn't sit right with me." He pauses. "These things are… these things are very hard for me. I want to be strong for you. I want to be someone you can look up to. But I also don't want you to think I… to think I'm someone above it all. And so… I'll grit and bear it... face what's hard for me, and let you see this side of me."

"...I'm scared too."

His voice quivers as he speaks.

"I'm scared of what happened to your mother, and I'm scared of what happened to you. I'm… scared I'm going to lose everything that I've worked so hard for… everything I never realized I was so lucky to have. Your mother and you… you two changed my life. I cannot lose that. I know… it might seem like I don't care sometimes. But… I do. I care. And I didn't realize just how content I was with the life I led until… well…-"

"Until I almost lost it all." His shoulders sink. "...Listen. I don't know what's going to happen to your mother. And I don't know what's going to happen to me. But please… promise me at the very least that you'll manage to be alright. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if something happened to you because of me."

Kiyoshi sniffs. "...'ts not your fault. Not really," he admits. "...There's a lot going on in my life right now. I'd probably be screwed up whether you were around or not."

"Doesn't make it okay," Dad says. "...I'm your father. It's my job to protect you. And I can see now that in all my effort to do so… well, I haven't really. I'm sorry."

"...'ts okay."

"I love you."

"...I know."

"I hope it's not too late for this dumb old man."

"It's not."

"And… I hope you know it's not too late for you."

Kiyoshi still remembers Fumiko's words. 'You're never going to change...' How badly they'd stung. But lying snug in Dad's arms… somehow they feel far away. And for the first time in a long time, he thinks she might just be wrong.

"You've got your whole life ahead of you. Things are going to get better. I promise. And… whatever happens next, we'll face it together."

"...Even if something else terrible happens to Mom?"

Dad's silent for a long moment.

"...Even if something else terrible happens to Mom."

"And even if my friends never forgive me?"

"Even if your friends never forgive you," Dad says simply. "I know… that doesn't make it any easier. Whatever you're going through… it's clearly taken a toll on you. But let me… let me do what I can. I will always see the good in you. And as long as you always want to do what's right, then you don't need to worry about me 'forgiving' you. Because I am never going to lose faith in you in the first place."

"I… hope to make that more apparent from here on out. So that this… well- so that this never happens again." He pauses for a long moment, before shaking his head. "No. I will make that more apparent," he decides on. "Starting today. I'll do better. I promise."

"Then I promise… I promise…-" Kiyoshi mulls it over. "Well… I can't promise I'll be okay. But… I promise that I'll do my best. And… I promise that I won't hurt myself again. I'm… 'm sorry for scaring you like that."

"It's okay," Dad says in a voice utterly exhausted. Usually Kiyoshi'd feel bad for pushing him to this point, but… not today. Now's not the time to feel guilt. Besides… something tells him they're feeling a pretty similar exhaustion right now, anyways. "You were just scared. That's okay. It's okay to be scared."

He sounds uncertain, but his grip tightens. He pulls Kiyoshi in once more and holds him - firm. Even with both of them so unsure of so many things, Kiyoshi decides he means his words, at the very least.

He… won't hurt himself. Even if he's stressed, and even if he's scared… he's not going to give up. Because that's not a fair way to treat Makoto, and that's not a fair way to treat Fumiko. Because the thought scares his dad, and because the thought scares him. Because there are a million things he's yet to do- and if even one of those things can change the world for the better… then… then…

...Then maybe this will have all been worth it.

He's still not sure his life can be happy. He's still not sure it's supposed to be. But he knows he has Tadaomi Karasuma backing him up at the very least. And even if someone like him isn't supposed to thrive, he thinks that's all he's wanted for a long, long time.

(It seems to say 'Even if things aren't okay today, maybe they will be one day. All you have to do is wait. All you have to do is tough it out.'

'...All you have to do is believe.')

Suddenly Kiyoshi feels exhausted. Dad doesn't speak, and neither does he. Limbs heavy… he simply leans into his father's embrace and wonders what comes next.

Dad must notice his change in demeanor, because he shifts slightly, a concerned look on his face.

"What now?" he asks. "If there's anything else you'd like to talk about, I'm here. But if you're tired of this… then…-"

"I think I'd just like to rest," Kiyoshi admits with a sigh. "...t's been a long day."

Dad thinks that over for a long moment.

"I'd hate to leave you alone…" he says, scratching at the back of his shoulder. "I don't mean to seem overbearing, but you really did just scare me. I want to make sure… I want to make sure everything's okay for certain before I leave you unsupervised."

"No," Kiyoshi replies. "That's not overbearing at all. That's… that's fair."

"...Mind if I stay for company?"

Kiyoshi freezes. He blinks- dumbfounded. "...Like… with me?"

"Yes, with you," Dad says, equally dumbfoundedly. "What other son do I have?"

"Well- I mean - of course I'm your only - I just-! I don't want to be a bother. I'm sure you- I'm sure you have things to do. What about cleaning up the room? Or- or your job? I'm sure there are some very important people waiting on updates from y-"

"They can wait," Dad says. "Any updates about Mom will come to me on speed dial. As for everything else, that's not important right now. The room… the ministry... the dog. All of that can wait. You can't. And so what matters right now is making sure you're safe."

He says it so blankly. So matter-of-factly. Backed up with facts. It's clear that as the minutes pass, Dad is beginning to regain his composure. Kiyoshi doesn't find himself minding too much, however. In fact, it almost warms Kiyoshi's heart to think his dad's decided so objectively he needs help.

"...I wouldn't mind that one bit."

Dad lets out a sigh of relief. With that, he finally releases his grip on Kiyoshi and edges away.

"Okay," he says. "Get some rest, then. I'll be here for you when you wake up."

Kiyoshi feels awkward lying down. But his Dad places a hand on his back and he eases up slightly. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He tries not to let his thoughts wander. He's been through a lot today. But he thinks all he wants right now is just to get some rest.

Thankfully for him, his dad will make sure that happens.

In due time… Kiyoshi drifts off. And before he even knows it, Dad joins him… letting out a gentle snore as they fall asleep together… father and son.

---

[2/11/2031 5:37 PM:] [Karasuma] I'm not sure if you're aware of what happened today, but I must kindly request you don't expel Kiyoshi for his outburst.

[2/11/2031 5:37 PM:] [Karasuma] I'm aware of the behavior and intend to punish him appropriately if it continues. What he did is in no way acceptable. But I'm sure you know as well as I do that he doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

[2/11/2031 5:38 PM:] [Karasuma] I sincerely doubt this will occur again.

[2/11/2031 5:38 PM:] [Karasuma] As always, thank you for understanding.

---

The first thing Kiyoshi notices when he awakes is that it's dark out.

He can't see a thing in his room, and it seems his night light's gone out. He stretches slightly, rubbing at his eyes, before discerning the second thing of note:

...He feels like he's been hit by a bus.

There's this puffy, swollen feeling to his eyes. His head pounds slightly in that true-blue 'post-breakdown' fashion. His hand aches as he flexes it… and he soon remembers that he'd shattered a mirror. His heart plummets and he remembers his confrontation with Fumiko.

...The third thing he notices is that his dad's here.

It all comes rushing back to him... their argument turned heart-to-heart. There's still a slight aching feeling in his chest as he hops out of bed, but it eases some listening to his dad snore.

He fumbles for his phone… trying to remember where he'd placed it in the midst of his breakdown. It's only hitting him now that he has his head on somewhat straight, but his messages must be lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree. He hopes Makoto isn't too worried about him. He hopes Fumiko hasn't passed on the news to the rest of the family.

(He thinks about it for just a minute and feels sick - struggles to breathe. The thought of Shiota-sensei… Yukimura-san and such shunning him… it's too much to bear. But he quickly steadies himself. ' No. Now's not the time for this. Just look for your phone, Kiyoshi.')

He finds it discarded in a corner. There's a crack he doesn't remember giving it... but then again - he doesn't remember a whole lot from this afternoon. He boots it up, giving it a precursory glance just to make sure it still works, before checking his texts.

...He has 103 missed messages from Makoto.

[2/11/2031 9:12 PM:] [Makoto💛] Hope you're feeling better now.

[2/11/2031 9:13 PM:] [Makoto💛] And… uh… hope you'll be down to talk soon.

[2/11/2031 10:04 PM:] [Makoto💛] It's getting late. You should be getting to bed by now.

[2/11/2031 10:06 PM:] [Makoto💛] I hope you didn't lose your phone

[2/11/2031 10:12 PM:] [Makoto💛] If you did… just meet up with me at school tomorrow, okay?

[2/11/2031 10:21 PM:] [Makoto💛] I'm worried something happened to you.

[2/11/2031 10:47 PM:] [Makoto💛] If you're not at school tomorrow I might have to tell Nagisa what happened

[2/11/203110:47 PM:] [Makoto💛] I don't want to, but if you're not okay, I want someone to help you

[2/11/2031 10:49 PM:] [Makoto💛] And. Uh. I don't know if I can.

[2/11/2031 10:51 PM:] [Makoto💛] ...Please be okay.

[2/11/2031 10:53 PM:] [Makoto💛] And sleep well.

[2/11/2031 10:57 PM:] [Makoto💛] ...💛

There's an instant ringing in his ears. He clenches his jaw, hissing in through his teeth. Shit! He really had left him on radio silence, hadn't he!? The hell's wrong with him? He'd been so caught up in how bad he felt that he hadn't even bothered to stop and give Makoto an 'I'm okay.' He must be scared out of his mind!

[2/11/2031 11:03 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm fine

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] You don't need to tell Nagisa

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm fine

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] And I am SO sorry for scaring you

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I didn't even think about-

[2/11/2031 11:05 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Holy hell, Makoto

[2/11/2031 11:04 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm sorry.

His message is marked as read pretty much instantly. 'Makoto is typing' pops up on the screen, before faltering… then popping up again. He wonders if Makoto is shaking on the other end of the line. He has to have been hovering close to his phone to see his message instantly. Just how long has Makoto been worrying about him!?

(He does the mental math and feels his stomach do flips. He confronted Fumiko a little after three. It's eleven now. That would mean… that would mean…

...Eight hours)

[2/11/2031 11:05 PM:] [Makoto💛] OHMYGOD

[2/11/2031 11:05 PM:] [Makoto💛] Thank FUCK dude

[2/11/2031 11:05 PM:] [Makoto💛] You have nbo idea how bad you scared me

[2/11/2031 11:06 PM:] [Makoto💛] What HAPPENED?

[2/11/2031 11:06 PM:] [Makoto💛] Are you hurt?

[2/11/2031 11:06 PM:] [Makoto💛] DID you lose your phone?

[2/11/2031 11:06 PM:] [Makoto💛] Or? Or did something happen w your family?

Kiyoshi mulls it over for a second.

[2/11/2031 11:06 PM:] [Kiyoshi] No. Nothing happened with my family.

[2/11/2031 11:07 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I mean… nothing bad at least

[2/11/2031 11:07 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Me and my dad had a talk. But it wasn't

[2/11/2031 11:07 PM:] [Kiyoshi] It wasn't like a stressful thing

[2/11/2031 11:07 PM:] [Kiyoshi] It was pretty nice, actually…

[2/11/2031 11:08 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm

[2/11/2031 11:08 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Uh

[2/11/2031 11:08 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Not hurt, either

[2/11/2031 11:09 PM:] [Kiyoshi] At least not bad

[2/11/2031 11:09 PM:] [Makoto💛] ?!

[2/11/2031 11:09 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I SAID NOT BAD

Kiyoshi feels a wave of embarrassment wash over him. He probably shouldn't have brought it up… he doesn't particularly want to admit he had a mental break to Makoto. But all the same, he'd wanted to be honest. It's white lies that got them into this mess in the first place.

[2/11/2031 11:10 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I. Uh. Just threw a bit of a temper tantrum

[2/11/2031 11:10 PM:] [Kiyoshi] After what happened

[2/11/2031 11:10 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Wrecked my room and threw some stuff

[2/11/2031 11:11 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'm not really. Hurt. Though.

[2/11/2031 11:11 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Just… punched the mirror.

[2/11/2031 11:11 PM:] [Kiyoshi] But my dad took care of that.

[2/11/2031 11:11 PM:] [Kiyoshi] My hand, I mean.

[2/11/203111:11 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Not the mirror.

[2/11/2031 11:12 PM:] [Kiyoshi] ...I hope that's not scary to you.

[2/11/2031 11:12 PM:] [Makoto💛] Why would that be scary to me?

[2/11/2031 11:12 PM:] [Kiyoshi] It's like… y'know.

[2/11/2031 11:13 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I dunno. I just feel guilty about being angry right now.

[2/11/2031 11:13 PM:] [Kiyoshi] It's not like I've been wronged. I kinda deserved this.

[2/11/2031 11:14 PM:] [Makoto💛] You do NOT

[2/11/2031 11:14 PM:] [Makoto💛] Don't let anyone convince you of that!

[2/11/2031 11:14 PM:] [Makoto💛] You have EVERY right to be upset right now

[?2/11/2031 11:14 PM:] [Makoto💛] Besides, there's nothing WRONG with being angry

[2/11/2031 11:14 PM:] [Makoto💛] As long as you're not hurting anyone, I mean

[2/11/2031 11:15 PM:] [Makoto💛] Which you didn't.

Kiyoshi sends a glance over towards his dad, lying exhausted on the bed, and wonders just how true that is.

[2/11/2031 11:15 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Mmm.

[2/11/2031 11:15 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Good news is I don't think I feel nearly as bad now.

[2/11/2031 11:15 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I mean… I still get fucked up the minute I think about it

[2/11/2031 11:16 PM:] [Kiyoshi] And I probably won't be at school tomorrow.

[2/11/2031 11:16 PM:] [Kiyoshi] But the talk with Dad helped. A lot.

[2/11/2031 11:16 PM:] [Makoto💛] That's good!

[2/11/2031 11:16 PM:] [Makoto💛] You scared me, man.

[2/11/2031 11:16 PM:] [Makoto💛] But I think that's a good idea

[2/11/2031 11:17 PM:] [Makoto💛] Yeah. Try and get some rest.

[2/11/2031 11:17 PM:] [Makoto💛] ...Don't worry about it.

[2/11/2031 11:17 PM:] [Makoto💛] I'm sure Fumiko will come around in time.

Kiyoshi scratches at the back of his neck. He's not so certain about that, either. She'd seemed really hurt earlier. And with good reason!

[2/11/2031 11:18 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Don't try and force her.

[2/11/2031 11:18 PM:] [Kiyoshi] She has every right to feel that way.

[2/11/2031 11:18 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I'd be mad, too, if someone treated me that way.

[2/11/2031 11:18 PM:] [Makoto💛] But you

[2/11/2031 11:18 PM:] [Makoto💛] But you HAVEN'T

[2/11/2031 11:19 PM:] [Makoto💛] That's literally what I don't get

[2/11/2031 11:19 PM:] [Makoto💛] You're a good dude now! She knows that!

[2/11/2031 11:19 PM:] [Makoto💛] So why is she TREATING you that way?

[2/11/2031 11:19 PM:] [Makoto💛] You're BETTER now.

Kiyoshi bites his lip. He… he thinks he's better at least. But all the same… he's not sure he can agree with Makoto. Being a 'good dude' now doesn't take that sort of hurt away. Even if Fumiko really, really wounded his feelings, he's sure she's hurting a lot right now in her own right…

[2/11/2031 11:20 PM:] [Kiyoshi] ...It's… complicated.

[2/11/2031 11:20 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I dunno. Just try to give her space for now, okay?

[2/11/2031 11:21 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I don't wanna push our luck.

It's a long moment before Makoto responds.

[2/11/2031 11:22 PM:] [Makoto💛] ...Okay.

[2/11/2031 11:22 PM:] [Makoto💛] I just… hope she'll change her mind eventually.

[2/11/2031 11:23 PM:] [Makoto💛] She said I took your side over hers, and that really made me mad.

[2/11/2031 11:23 PM:] [Makoto💛] I don't WANT to take sides. I'm just trying to do what's right…

[2/11/2031 11:23 PM:] [Makoto💛] And this IS what's right. I'm certain of it. You need me right now. So even if she thinks you're some big bad monster, I'm not going anywhere, 'kay?

[2/11/2031 11:24 PM:] [Kiyoshi] …'Kay.

[2/11/2031 11:24 PM:] [Kiyoshi] Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

[2/11/2031 11:25 PM:] [Kiyoshi] But listen. I think I'm gonna hop off. I haven't eaten since I got home, and I'm honestly pretty lightheaded. I just wanted to make sure you knew I was okay first.

...He doesn't have the energy to argue with Makoto right now. He's already had a long enough day. The last thing he needs is to piss off the one friend he has left.

He motions to pocket his phone, but hesitates; deciding to send a text Fumiko's way first, just in case.

[2/11/2031 11:25 PM:] [Kiyoshi] I dunno if you're gonna get this, but I just want you to know I don't blame you for how you reacted earlier today. I know Makoto might try to say some stuff about how you're doing the 'selfish' thing, but I don't believe any of that. You're just trying to keep yourself safe, aren't you? I just want you to know there are no hard feelings, and that whatever happens next, I really do wish the best for you.

[2/11/2031 11:25 PM:] [Fumiko] From 3401, the recipient you are sending to has chosen not to receive messages. Msg 2905

...That's about what he expected.

He sighs and places his phone in his pocket. Whatever. He's not going to bother her if she clearly doesn't want to be contacted. He stumbles to his feet and takes a step towards the door. That's when he hears a faint shuffling from his bed, and an 'mrrmph,' as Dad returns to the world of the waking.

He seems confused for a moment… eyes adjusting to the dim light. But recognition quickly dawns in them as he meets Kiyoshi's gaze. He pushes himself up onto his knees, glancing around carefully.

"You're awake?" he says.

"Just got up," Kiyoshi admits. "Sorry. Didn't mean to make it seem like I was sneaking off. I just didn't want to wake you."

Dad's brow furrows as if he's just now realizing he'd fallen asleep in the first place. A slightly embarrassed expression overturns his face.

"...Ah. It's fine. I hadn't even realized I'd drifted off."

"I was gonna get the broom and vacuum, then start cleaning up the floor. After that I was gonna get started on dinner… if that's okay, I mean. It's late, but I'm starving."

"That's just fine," Dad says, hauling himself out of bed. There's a tired heaviness to his motions. Nevertheless, he trods over to Kiyoshi's bedroom door and places a hand on the handle. "...I can grab the supplies. You stay here. Make sure the dog doesn't come into the room."

Kiyoshi does as instructed. Carefully he holds a hand out, warning Taro not to step into the room even as Dad steps out. He seems to have been lying against the back of the door for a long while now... just waiting for them to exit. Kiyoshi almost feels bad, but reminds himself he'd hardly been in a position to take care of himself at the moment, much less the dog.

"...Hey. It's okay," he whispers, placing a hand on his fluffy head. "We didn't mean to ignore you. It's just not safe in here. I'm sorry, buddy…"

Taro lets out a low whimper, but nestles up into Kiyoshi's arms. Tail thumping gently, his blank expression seems to say, 'I'm just glad you're okay now.'

Dad returns in due time. He carefully steps around Kiyoshi and the dog... broom in one hand and dustpan in the other. Kiyoshi almost thinks he'd forgotten the vacuum, but he returns to the hallway, rolling it in in quick succession. He points a thumb at Kiyoshi.

"I can take care of sweeping up the larger pieces. After that you run the vacuum over the area. You may want to grab shoes. I'd hate for you to injure yourself."

Kiyoshi nods, retreating to grab his shoes. By the time he's back his room is already looking worlds better. He runs the vacuum over the carpet- jumping initially as it lets out the worst sound he's ever heard. His dad places a hand on his shoulder, however, and tells him to go on.

...Before they know it, they've got the whole mess cleaned up.

Or- at least… most of it. There's still the ruined mirror itself, the hole in the wall, and the copious amounts of blood to deal with, but Dad says that can wait. They've gotten the immediate danger taken care of.

They head off into the kitchen. Dad gets started on dinner and instructs Kiyoshi to inspect his wounds. Remove the bandages and make sure they don't look infected... make sure he still has a full range of motion in his hand. Then, clean them thoroughly and rewrap them.

"The gauze should still be in the bathroom. Let me know if you need any help."

Kiyoshi feels a little bad letting Dad get started on dinner without him, but does as told. He doesn't want to put him through any more stress than he's already been through. Taro sticks close to him the whole time he's in the bathroom, quietly sniffing at his bandaged leg. But Kiyoshi doesn't complain… simply washes it, then gives Taro another firm pat on the head.

The moment he returns to the kitchen, he pours him dinner.

"You haven't eaten since this morning either, have you?" he asks.

Taro cocks his head and whimpers.

Kiyoshi feels another pang of guilt, but tries not to focus on it. Now's… not the time. He can't risk spiraling again over something as small as his mental break being inconvenient for the dog. Plus, something tells him if Taro could understand him, he wouldn't exactly hold a grudge.

"I'll toss some beef aside for him," Dad says. "Don't let his crocodile tears fool you. He's already more than well-fed."

It's about halfway through making dinner that Dad's phone starts to ring.

He'd left it in the other room. On Kiyoshi's bedside table. He glances back then forth, sending Kiyoshi a worried look.

"Can you watch the stove? I'm going to grab that. It might be about Mom."

"Of course," Kiyoshi says, voice wavering just slightly. "Go ahead."

Dad returns in what feels like the blink of an eye. Holding his phone up to his ear he hesitates... then puts it on speaker.

'It has to do with her,' he mouths, holding a finger up to his mouth. 'Be quiet.'

...Kiyoshi nods.

There's a professional sounding voice on the other end of the phone. Doctor, probably. He asks "Is this Tadaomi Karasuma?", a certain tenseness to his tone.

"Ah… yes," Dad says. "That would be me. Do you have any further updates on Irina's condition?"

"Indeed," the doctor says. "We have… good news and bad news, whichever you'd like to hear first."

Dad's silent… mulling that over. He sends a wayward glance over towards Kiyoshi, as if asking for advice.

'Bad news,' Kiyoshi mouths, a sinking feeling in his gut. He has a feeling he'll quickly regret it, but for now he'd like to rip the band-aid off first if possible. Whatever it is… no matter how bad it can be- at least there will be something good coming after it.

...At least it means she's alive.

"I'd… like to hear the bad news," Dad says. "Just get that out of the way. Whatever it is… I'm prepared."

"Of course," the doctor replies. "...As I'm sure you're well aware, we've been battling infection in her lower right leg since the incident occurred. Even with the shrapnel thoroughly removed, however, it's continued to progress to a worrying degree. Today we made the decision to remove that as well before the infection could risk spreading to the upper leg or body."

Dad's breath hitches. He pulls Kiyoshi in close, and squeezes his shoulder so tight it hurts.

"The good news, however… is that she seems to be making a full recovery in all other departments. Since the procedure, her vitals have stabilized, and the rest of her body is looking healthy. The injury to her hand has healed up cleanly, and any damage to her hearing is estimated to be minimal. Not only do I fully believe that your wife is going to survive, but that we'll be able to awaken her within the next week."

And Dad's breath releases. He manages to steady himself... stands straight.

"...Okay," he says. "That's… a relief."

"Of course… there are still multiple hurdles for her to face. Once she's conscious she'll have to get through the strain of physical therapy, as well as deal with the psychological repercussions of her incident. Those are all worries for another day, however. As for now, I'm confident in informing you that I believe your wife will make a full recovery. I'm sorry for the scare, and I hope this can ease some of the stress on your family at the moment."

"Of course," Dad replies. "Thank you for…- thank you for letting me know. Is that all?"

"That would be all."

"Very well. Please contact me with any further updates. And… thank you again. For everything."

"Of course. I'll get in touch with you again soon."

There's a faint beeping on the other end of the line. Dad reaches to pocket his phone, a haziness to his motions. He turns towards Kiyoshi, an indecipherable look on his face.

"Did you hear all that?"

Kiyoshi nods, but doesn't respond.

"...How are you feeling? Are you… are you alright?"

Kiyoshi cocks his head.

"Are you?"

Dad doesn't respond. Simply pulls out a chair and plops down on it. The stove's still sizzling, but he doesn't pay it any mind.

"Dad," Kiyoshi insists, tailing him. "Are you okay?"

Dad's shoulders sink. "...I'm not sure."

Kiyoshi pulls up his own chair, legs dangling as he places himself down next to his father. "Me neither, then, I think."

It's hard to tell how he feels. His head's still sort of spinning... like he can't entirely process what he's heard. Her right leg? But she's already lost her lef- that would mean…-

"...'m glad she's coming home, at least."

Dad blinks, but slowly nods.

"As am I. For a moment there… for a moment there… I…-" he pauses. "Well, I worried she might not make it at all."

"Yeah…" Kiyoshi says, remembering the way his thoughts had scrambled. He'd been so, so scared she was going to die, and he'd been so certain it was going to be all his fault…

"When she gets home," he says. "I'm gonna hug her. So tight. And tell her… and tell her to never do anything like that again."

Dad shifts slightly, but doesn't respond.

...They're ignoring the elephant in the room.

"She's going to hate this… isn't she?" Kiyoshi finally admits.

"She's going to be mad out of her goddamn mind," Dad confirms. "Do you know just how much that woman hates asking for help?"

"Oh, I know alright," Kiyoshi responds, awkwardly hopping to his feet. He reaches to turn the stove off. Something tells him if he doesn't do it now, they're gonna end up burning the whole goddamn house down.

"And that's not getting started on… what she's already been through before this."

Dad doesn't extrapolate, but he doesn't need to. Kiyoshi knows… all about the way his mom grew up in a war-torn world. She was surrounded by this sort of stuff ever since she was just a little girl. This is bound to bring back some pretty horrible memories.

(...He wonders if she thought she was going to die.)

He paces back over to Dad... but his father's stiff as a board. It seems he's having a particularly intense staring contest with the floor.

"...It's okay to cry, you know," Kiyoshi whispers. "I mean… you don't gotta if you don't wanna. But you don't need to be strong around me, either."

Dad shrugs. "...I know," he says, sounding defeated. "...But… I'm not sure I'm ready. That's okay, isn't it?"

Kiyoshi shrugs right back. "That's okay, I think. I'm not sure I've processed it enough to cry, either."

He thinks he should be happy right now. Happy that she's - like - gonna be alright. But this doesn't feel happy. It's not like her making it out of this alive somehow makes what she's been through any less horrible.

"...I'm the one who got her this job, you know," Dad says.

There's a sense of shame to his tone.

"That's not a bad thing, is it?" Kiyoshi asks. "I mean…- it was your way of giving her a chance to redeem herself after she did so many screwed up things. You wanted to show her there could be a better life. You didn't know this would happen."

"But it was my job to, wasn't it!?" Dad replies, voice strained. "As an executive of the Ministry of - as her boss - as her husband- I was supposed to protect her! I should have known this mission was a bad idea! I should have sent out someone else! But I… but I…-"

...His hand is shaking.

Kiyoshi leans on his side. "There's no going back now."

Dad's hand falls limp. "...I know."

"You shouldn't resent yourself for it. She wouldn't have wanted you going easy on her. You just… treated her like you would have treated anyone else. And she just ended up being the one to take the bullet." Er- well - landmine. But he thinks if he says that he'll projectile vomit. "...It was bad luck, nothing else. But there's no reason to regret it now. She loved her job… more than anything."

(And now… she's going to lose it.

But neither of them dare to say that.)

Dad stands up rather abruptly… brushes himself off.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't be putting this all on you. You've had a hard enough day as is."

Kiyoshi gives a sardonic, exhausted laugh. "...That's why it can't get much worse," he admits. "...It's fine."

"It's not fine," Dad replies. "You are my son. It's not your job to play my therapist. I hope you know that."

"...Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "I know that. But I think just this one time it's okay. Besides…" He pauses. "It makes me feel a little bit better. To know that… like… you worry about these things too." He hops to his feet. "Not that - obviously I'm not happy you're suffering! I would never thi- That is NOT my intention! I just worry I overthink things, and maybe if you overthink things too, then there's not something so wrong with m-"

Dad places a hand on his head. He ruffles his hair gently. "Don't worry," he says. "...I got it."

Kiyoshi gives an awkward smile. "...Ah. Good."

Dad turns the stove back on. "I suppose all we can do now is wait. Whatever happens happens. We just have to vow to be there for her through it."

Kiyoshi nods.

"Of course." He shifts slightly, watching his father cook. A homely scent wafts throughout the room. "...You should tell her that to her face, you know."

Dad pauses. "Hm?"

"That you're gonna be there for her, I mean-" Kiyoshi says. "I'm sure she already knows… but… I bet it'd mean a lot to hear it from you. In fact…" he shakes his head. "You should tell her everything. About how worried you were about her. And about how you're scared it's your fault. You said it yourself… yeah? You're not really good with these things. I bet if you opened up to her anyways, it'd cheer her up a little. Show her just how much you care."

He shrugs. "Then again… what do I know? I might just be projecting. If you don't have to you don't want to, but-"

"Kiyoshi," Dad says. "The moment your mother is home, I'm telling her everything. You said earlier that it seems like I don't care. I don't want her to think… I don't want her to think…" he sighs. "I don't want her to think I wouldn't have cared if she died here. She'll know. I promise."

"...And you'll tell her that you love her?"

Dad nods.

"I'll tell her that I love her."

The rest of the night goes by quietly. There's an awkward tension to the room, but for once it's not a bad thing. They face uncertainty together. Dad finishes up dinner and serves it with pride. They don't particularly talk much as they eat, but Taro paws at the sides of their chairs, and Dad lets out a low scoff.

Kiyoshi ends up conking out a little past one.

He's aware he's hardly been awake, but… Dad's right. He's had a long day. As such, he lets Dad guide him up to his room. And when he flops down sideways on his bed, he finally feels ready to rest for real.

"I'm taking it you won't be going to school tomorrow?" Dad asks from the doorway.

"Probably not," Kiyoshi admits. "If- if that's okay, I mean. I'm really tired, and there's somebody I… I'm not sure I'm ready to face yet."

"...That's okay," Dad says. "I'll let you sleep in. Do you want the dog? He hasn't slept with you in a few nights."

"I'd like the dog," Kiyoshi admits softly.

Dad nods and whistles. It takes two or three tries, but eventually Taro trots up to his side before meandering into the room. Kiyoshi pats the mattress, and with an excited wag of his tail, Taro hops up on the bed. He winds up in circles, before falling over with a lazy 'boof.'

"Watch him for me, okay, Taro?" Dad instructs. "Make sure he doesn't get up to anything. And if you keep him up, know that'll be three-hundred push-ups for you in the morning."

Kiyoshi snorts.

"...I don't think he can do push-ups, Dad."

"Well if he bothers you, I'll damn well make him try," Dad huffs, before taking an awkward step out of the room. "...And… uh… that's all I had to say, I suppose. Sleep well."

Kiyoshi nods. "You too. If you can, I mean."

"I'm sure I will."

Dad takes another step back, but doesn't motion to close the door quite yet. He stands there… awkwardly, before speaking up in a hushed voice.

"Wait. One more thing. Before I let you get some rest."

Kiyoshi blinks. "Hm?"

"I hope this doesn't come off as stupi- this is going to sound awkwa- I'm not sure how to word this, but… earlier you said it felt like I was never proud of you. And I've been thinking about that. A lot. So I think… I think I'm going to try something. Even if it sounds ridiculous, and even if it makes you a little embarrassed. Because… I want to try to ease that. Make sure you never feel that way again." He hesitates for a long moment. "If you're okay with that, I mean."

Kiyoshi shrugs. "...What is it?"

"I'd like to tell you… something I'm proud of you for. And… I'd like to tell you every day." Dad averts his eyes, a sheepish look on his face. "So… you always know. And so you know… that I'm… that I'm… trying to pay attention." He shifts from foot to foot. "I mean - er - if it's not too late. If you're not too old for that, that is."

It's Kiyoshi's turn to avert his gaze next. He pulls the covers up over his face, if only to hide the fact that he's close to tears. He doesn't want his dad to see him cry. Not for, like, the hundredth time today. But all the same…-

"I'd… I'd really like that, actually,"

...Maybe then he could finally believe there's something in him worth saving.

"Okay," Dad replies in a voice that says 'I didn't expect to get this far.' He clears his throat. "Today I'm proud of you for… I'm proud of you for standing up to me like that. For… having the bravery to tell me just how badly I was hurting you. I know that must have been very scary. But… I think it was an important milestone in our relationship. And… I hope it means things will be better from here-on-out. That we can finally be honest with each other."

He coughs. "I hope that's… I hope that's a good enough thing to be proud of. And I hope… that doesn't sound ingenuine. Because I mean it. I really am proud of you."

...For what feels like the first time in his life, Kiyoshi can finally reply "I know."

Dad flashes him an awkward smile, before whirling around… shoulders tense. "Goodnight Kiyoshi. Please sleep well."

"I'll try my best."

"And… ah…-" Dad's hand catches in the doorway, and he pauses one final time. He turns back to look at Kiyoshi, a careful apprehension in his eyes.

"...I love you. I hope you know that as well. That's all."

As he turns to go… finally shutting the door behind him, Kiyoshi speaks up in a loud shout. Cupping his hands to his mouth, he makes sure to reply "Love you too!" before turning over his bed and closing his eyes… finally at something close to peace.

Because while he's sure there's still much for him to face tomorrow. He knows at the very least his dad loves him. And he knows that since he first said that this afternoon…-

...Kiyoshi hasn't once had the time to think about Yanagisawa all evening.