A/N: The world has gone into shambles since my last update. I hope you are all keeping safe and healthy, and that your livelihoods are not in danger. I've already been working a lot from home before the pandemic hit, so it didn't change my routine all that much-but I miss my family and friends. The constant barrage of bad news (both related to the pandemic itself and the circus that my country's government is doing) has taken a bit of a hit on my mental health, but I'm relatively well now. I hope you all are, as well. Stay safe!

Chapter 20, part 1.

The sky over Atlantis was dark and overcast when Alice stepped through the Stargate. It was quite a contrast from sunshine-laden Colorado, although of course no sun was visible under the Cheyenne Mountain. Still, to go from ninety-three degrees and clear skies to a deep ultramarine cloud cover and low fifties constituted quite a shock—one Alice chose for herself, though. Inside the city it was quite bright and warm, as usual; Jake had met her at the Gate, but she had refused the offer to have dinner together, citing fatigue after the day of traveling as the reason, and instead had fled to her room. She then slipped out to the top of the North Inner Tower and stood there for a long time, hands in her pockets to warm them up, and watched the horizon get progressively darker, until it became wholly black. There were no stars that night, but the City's lights projected a glow that messed with her eyesight so that she could hardly see the ocean surrounding the star-like piers. Eventually, when the temperature dropped so much that she started shaking with cold, she had to retreat inside.

She was still shivering when she stood at the door of Karim's living quarters and waved her hand in front of the panel, which functioned as a doorbell. She waited only for a few seconds before it slid open, revealing the British sergeant. He looked different, she noted. He was thinner and his hair was longer, his beard scruffier than usual; but his deep black eyes continued to look out of his oval face in the same penetrating manner, and his expression was composed as always.

"Captain," he said as a way of a greeting. "I didn't know you were back."

"Just got in a couple hours ago." It was more like four or five, but it was of little importance. "Can I come in?"

He stepped back, making an inviting gesture, and she entered his quarters. They were smaller than hers, she noted, with very few personal touches. A few photographs stood on the dresser, but that was pretty much it. Alice stopped in the middle of the room and turned around to face him, feeling in equal parts awkward and confident, which was an odd mix even for her.

"How are you?" She asked. "I'm glad to see you up and about."

"I'm fine, ma'am," he replied in his normal serene voice, though Alice thought she detected a minute undertone of—what? She couldn't identify it, but it was there. "I'm back to being myself. I hear it's you I have to thank for it."

"No thanks necessary." She shook her head. "It was a team effort."

"That may be so, but I am still grateful to you. I…" He hesitated. Alice didn't think she'd ever seen him do that before. "It's good to be back," he finished, though she thought he might have wanted to say something else.

"Is it back? Memories, everything…?"

"Yes, I have been cleared by the base shrink."

"That's not… I didn't mean to imply…" Her voice faded away as she realized she didn't know what to say.

"It's quite alright, ma'am," he assured her and fell silent. They stood rooted to their spots, in the middle of the room, a few paces away from each other. Alice's eyes were cast down, but she could tell he was watching her in his piercing way, as if he could see inside her soul.

He spoke first, breaking the silence, which was so out of character that it made her look up at him for a moment. "I'm sorry I shot you."

She smiled and dropped her gaze again. "I shot you too."

"But I fired first. You were only defending yourself," he insisted.

"You didn't have control over your actions, so it doesn't count," she protested. This dictum was followed by another long pause.

"I almost did, though," he blurted out suddenly, startling her again. "It was the strangest thing… I wanted to stop. I knew I couldn't hurt you. Not you. But I… I didn't know how to stop. It's very difficult to explain."

She nodded earnestly, peeking up at him beneath her eyelashes. "I have a theory about that."

She saw his lip curl in a half-smile. "Of course you do, ma'am."

She looked back down. "I think that instinctual responses cannot be completely overridden by Jareth's mind-tricks. Like, the strongest is the survival instinct, but there are others… including protective one. I believe that's what made you feel like that, even though Jareth's command was too overwhelming to act on it…"

"That makes sense," he agreed.

Another long moment passed in silence between them. Then Alice exhaled, closed her eyes for just a second, and then looked up at Karim. "He's still out there and it's my fault."

His eyes were like two black holes. She couldn't read anything in them. He nodded slowly. "Yes, I remember."

"I could have shot the Jumper down."

"But you didn't."

"No. I didn't."

His face was still his usual mask of composed calmness; not a muscle twitched, and yet Alice thought that his expression somehow changed, became more intense. But maybe it was only her wishful thinking?

"Why?"

She took a deep breath. "You know why."

"Say it."

She suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to flee; this was too much. But then again, if she stopped now, she'd never know; and so she made herself keep hold of his gaze. "I couldn't sacrifice you." She swallowed hard; her lips were paper-dry. "I couldn't bear losing you."

He didn't reply, but, for the first time, he looked away. Alice felt her heart flutter like a caged bird, but there was no going back now. She had to see it through.

"I care about you, Basil." The name sounded odd in her mouth, even to her; but it made him look back down at her. "More than I should." He was still not saying anything. Her nervousness made her subsequent words come out rushed, as if she was in a hurry. "I have known for a while, but I refused to admit it even to myself. And then when I… I realized I couldn't pull the trigger if it meant losing you. And I fought that knowledge for a long time but I can't anymore… I can't go on like this. I had to tell you. I know it's stupid… And it's against the regulations… And it's probably for nothing… but I… I had to do something, I…" But words failed her. The constant steady stare of Karim's, with no change of expression whatsoever, completely exhausted her courage, and she suddenly felt silly and uncomfortable, and just plain wrong. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have… I'd better go now…" She hung her head and made a step backwards, pivoting on her heel to turn towards the door.

Suddenly—in the time it took her to blink—he was by her side, grabbing her hand, pulling her back around. "Don't," was the only thing he said.

They stood, their faces mere inches from one another. She could smell his breath—it was minty, as if he had just brushed. She looked up at him; finally, his expression had changed. It was somehow warmer, almost tender. She felt her heart make a sudden wild dance in her chest, but he was still silent.

"Say something," she pleaded in a whisper.

His eyes were big and very dark as she stared into them. "I am not a man of many words," he replied, and his voice was gruff. "I let my actions speak for me." And then he leaned in and kissed her.

It was unlike any kiss she'd had before; maybe because there had actually been some buildup of emotions to this, or maybe simply because her nerves were strained like a tightly wrung cord, but it somehow felt more—more intense, more fervent, more sensual. She closed her eyes and kissed him back, putting everything she had felt into it—the anxiety, the insecurity, the yearning.

It seemed like minutes had passed—or hours, maybe—before they broke apart, gasping for air. Alice's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, not sure what to expect—but he was smiling down at her in a way that instantly made her heart miss a beat. It was such a foreign expression on his face, though, that she almost laughed.

"That's new," she murmured, meaning not only the smile, but the kiss as well.

"Feels like it had been bound to happen, though," he contradicted, amusement in his voice.

"Does it?"

"Does for me."

"I'm glad I'm that predictable." She smirked and stepped back a bit. She then raised her hand tentatively and, looking into Karim's eyes—searching for acceptance and finding it in their twinkle—she put it on his cheek. The beard felt oddly rough under her fingertips as she traced the contour of his jaw. He let her do it for a minute and then grabbed her palm into his.

"Your hands are cold," he said in a chastising tone that almost made her laugh again.

"Well, I feel hot," she teased and then shook her head as he took her other hand and enclosed both of them in his, warming them up. "I had been at the top of the tower for a while before coming down here."

"Why?"

"Trying to gather my courage, I guess."

He was still smiling. "I am glad you did in the end."

"I'm glad you're glad." She cocked her head to the side and then grew more serious. "But it's… I mean, I don't want you to feel… This is not a normal situation." She shook her head, unsatisfied with her own poor attempts at explaining.

"No. But then again, you're not a normal girl."

She raised her eyebrows questioningly. He was still holding her hands, rubbing them in his, and it was very pleasant.

"You're not," he reiterated. "You're special. And I had never thought you could see anything in dumb old me…" He suddenly looked a bit embarrassed.

Alice huffed, amused. "No. You, being self-conscious? That's impossible."

"You'd be surprised." He was serious.

"Don't worry. I know that this… outward persona that you show everyone is not the real you."

He sighed, and Alice thought she heard relief in his voice when he spoke. "That's good. I am… not the most forthcoming person. It's difficult to…" He hesitated.

"I know. But I hope you know…" Her eyes flicked down to their joined hands. "You don't need to hide behind that mask with me." He didn't respond so she looked back up. There was a frown on his face now—another rare sight.

"What if you don't like what's there?"

She bit her lip, wondering if she dared to say it out loud—and sound that corny. Oh, to hell with it. She was asking him to be his real self with her, right? The least she could do was to reply in kind.

"Then I'll have to learn to love it, too."

This caught him off-guard and he froze for a moment, the gentle rubbing of her hands stopping as well. For a few heartbeats, they just stared at each other, and then he picked up his warm-up massage and exhaled.

"I wasn't expecting that," he admitted quietly.

"We all have a side to us that we hardly ever show others," she said gravely, but with a sparkle in her eye. "There's gonna be things about me that you'll find will make you nuts, too."

The corner of his mouth lifted in a crooked smile again. "I seriously doubt that." Then he shook his head. "Why me?"

"I don't understand." She frowned.

"There's so many people here… smarter, handsomer, younger… and I'm just some bloke…"

Alice puffed and rolled her eyes. "Well, you'll just have to do." And then, surprising even herself, she stood up on the balls of her feet and planted a very soft kiss on his lips. "I choose you."

He looked taken aback—another first, she thought. It was as if her declaration had opened something in him and he had finally allowed himself to show emotions.

"You deserve better," he told her, shaking his head.

"But I want you," she insisted. And then hesitated. "Unless you don't want me to…" Her voice trailed off at the end.

His brow furrowed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"No, I just mean…"

He interrupted her. "I've loved you since the first time I've laid my eyes on you."

Now it was her time to freeze in surprise. He had said that he was a man of few words—and she was ready to accept that. She was not much of a talker herself, after all, and she knew how hard it was to say the important stuff. She was quite prepared to never actually hear the word—and yet when he uttered it, her heart skipped a beat and then restarted and went into overdrive. So that's how that whole butterflies in the stomach thing feels like!

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind, so she closed it.

He chuckled. It was the first time Alice heard him do so, and she immediately decided that it was adorable, though she realized that she might have been a tad biased at the moment.

"Got you by surprise, didn't I?"

"I don't know what to do with myself," she quipped, but then frowned. "But I… I don't think you mean that. Can't be."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows.

She suddenly felt that her lips were dry again so she wet them before replying. "I don't believe in such a thing as love at first sight."

"Aah." His forehead cleared and for once he looked like his old composed, serene self. "I didn't believe it either until I met you." He paused for a beat, and then continued: "But since I was convinced that nothing would ever come from that, I tried to ignore it… decided being your friend would have to do."

Alice sighed. "That was probably the responsible thing to do… I mean, just the sheer amount of time we were spending together, alone…"

He nodded slowly. "It's easier on Atlantis where the military regulations are so relaxed, but we may still get into trouble over… this."

This was merely a fifteen minute relationship—if that's what it was, Alice wasn't yet sure—but any decision about what was going to happen next had to involve the discussion of the fact that they were in progress of blatantly breaking the military no fraternization policy. Relations between officers and enlisted personnel were strictly forbidden, and nothing could change that—not the fact that they were from different countries, nor that they were currently six million light years from Earth, and not even that Sheppard was routinely letting similar issues slide, as evidenced by his not interfering with Alice's and Karim's friendship in the first place. Still, if he found out that a captain under his command was in a romantic relationship with a sergeant serving on her own team, and therefore directly in the same chain of command… he would have to act on that, wouldn't he?

"I had thought about it," Alice admitted, a little sheepishly. "And… if we can keep it on the down low… my contract with the Air Force is coming up next year. I can simply not extend it, and then there would be nothing they could do. I'd be a civilian."

"Alice," he said, his voice grave. She started, hearing him speak her name for the first time. "You can't really be thinking about it, surely?"

"Why not?"

"It's your career, I would never want you to give that up!" His words came out surprisingly forcefully.

She shook her head. "That's the only logical way. We'd have to be really careful and not get caught for a year… but then we'd be free to be together openly." It was difficult to talk about it this way when the entire affair was so fresh, but she kept reminding herself that it was something that they really needed to square away.

He was frowning at her. "Then I'll do that. I can retire at any time."

"No, you can't," she contradicted softly. "If you retire, you'll get sent back home. If I don't extend my contract, I'm reasonably sure they'll let me stay on as a civilian scientist. I don't think they'd like to lose my ATA gene…"

"Or your expertise and skills." He nodded acquiescence. "I see your point. Still…"

"I know." She shrugged. "I can hardly imagine myself out of the uniform. But really, what difference does it make here of all places?"

"There's still time till that decision has to be made, though," he noted. He was still holding Alice's hands in his. "And for now…"

"We'll just have to be really careful," she repeated. "I don't think it should be that hard, we're both such recluses… it'll be a cakewalk especially for you, with your poker face," she teased.

"You might want to take some pointers."

"I'll do my best." She grinned.

He replied with a smirk and then raised his eyebrows. "So… what now?"

Alice looked around her shoulder at the bed in the corner, and then back at him. "I have a few ideas."

His answering smile made her heart speed up again. "I think I can oblige." And then finally he let go of her, placed one hand on the small of her back, pulled her closer, and cupped her face with the other. His touch on her skin felt hot—and not because she had been so cold before. She put her arms on his shoulders, crossing her wrists behind him, at the nape of his neck, and stood up at the balls of her feet again.

The kiss was just the beginning.

It was still dark outside when Alice woke up. There was no clock anywhere she could see, and her own body clock had been deregulated again by going to Earth and back, but if it was still this dark, it must have been before five in the morning; Karim's windows had an easterly view. It could just as well be midnight for all she knew, but either way, since she was already awake, it was probably best to move. She extricated herself from Karim's arms—he slept on his side, one hand on her breast, snoring lightly—and slipped out of the bed quietly. She collected her clothes and dressed quickly, feeling a chill on her skin—Karim set the thermostat to low for the nights. She figured it made sense, he grew up in a colder climate, but she liked to be warm. Before she left, she threw one last look at him and smiled to herself, seeing that he was now clutching the pillow with the hand that had rested on her before. He looked different when he was asleep—younger and vulnerable somehow.

The City was quiet as she walked to the nearest transporter, her path empty. They would have to find a way to meet and not be seen by the cameras. This one time was probably okay—if anyone asked they could say they just sat up all night and talked, and it wouldn't look odd since everybody knew they were friendly. Even that level of relationship between officers and enlisted personnel was technically forbidden, especially within the same chain of command, as in their case—but here, on Atlantis, it was generally allowed. One reason was surely the lax attitude Sheppard had towards military protocol, but another was the specificity of their circumstances. They were three hundred people, both military and civilian. That in itself made the situation special, but what really tipped the balance was the way their teams were structured—just four people in each, but with varying ranks and status. There were no insignia on their uniforms—and everyone wore the same kind, officers and enlisted personnel, marines and airmen, servicemen and civilians, scientists and technicians, doctors and nurses—and the only differing part was the color of the trimmings on their shoulders. Of course, she reminded herself, Sheppard usually wore his black pants and shirt getup while on the base, but even he donned the standard Atlantis uniform for most missions. All this, she knew, was an equalizing trick—trying to make the expedition look more like a civilian affair than a military command. And that was the biggest reason why Sheppard had not interfered, Alice thought.

She took a quick shower after she got to her room, and it was beginning to dawn when she got out—the sky was changing hue from deep black to dark blue, although of course she couldn't see the sunrise itself, since her windows looked out on the western horizon. She dressed in her PT clothes and went out to the gym to get her workout done before breakfast—hoping, she had to admit to herself, that she'd meet Karim, as he could be found there often very early.

Her hope wasn't in vain. As she entered the gym, she noted with an odd feeling of mixed elation and apprehension that he was already there, sitting at one of the weight benches and putting powder onto his palms.

"Good morning, Sergeant," she said to him with a smirk. "How are you today?"

His returning smile was equally teasing—and heart-stopping, if for no other reason than that it had been so rare before. "I am very well indeed, ma'am. Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a long time." That was actually true, she realized. For the first time in a long while she hadn't woken up with a nightmare, but had slept soundly through the night. "And you?"

"Slept like a baby myself. Though my bed was pretty cold when I woke up…" He looked at her suggestively and she chuckled, and then sighed.

"Pity there are cameras everywhere," she muttered in a low voice, gesturing around her. All public areas in the City were covered with cameras—or whatever the Ancient equivalent was called. Only personal living quarters were not being constantly recorded. Of course, nobody reviewed the footage unless there was a reason to, but she didn't think it would be a good idea to tempt fate—no matter how much she wanted to cross the distance and plant a kiss on Karim's lips…

"Yes… pity…" He murmured in assent, his eyes blazing. How the hell did she ever think that his face was not expressive? She shook her head and squared her shoulders. They needed to be responsible. It wouldn't do to take any unnecessary risks. A year was a long time to wait, though Alice felt that the cloak and dagger added a little spice into the whole thing.

"How was it at home? You didn't say," Karim asked, laying down on the bench and grabbing the barbell. Alice, instead of getting on the treadmill, stood by, leaning on it and watching him press the weights up and down. He was wearing a wifebeater and she was at the perfect vantage point to admire his flexing bicep. She noted a faded scar on it, small and round, like one of hers—a gunshot wound. She would have to ask how he'd got it. Her own handiwork was now obscured by the shirt straps, but she had seen it the night before, and it looked much graver than that one—larger and jagged at the edges. She wondered idly who had put him back together—surely Jareth wouldn't stoop to helping one of his slaves?

"It was fine," she replied after a pause, pulling herself out of the reverie. "Nice to see my mom, it's been ages… and Aaron, of course."

"Aaron your best friend?"

Did she detect a subtle note of jealousy in his tone? She smirked.

"Yes, the same. His son is nine months old now, and I'm his godmother. A very bad one," she added with a bit of bitterness. "Or at least an absent one."

"Yes, this job has a way of forcing distance between us and our loved ones." He stopped the exercise, sat back up and looked at her. "Atlantis more than other places. No phones. Although—" he added thoughtfully "—even using every single modern communication device, chances are not good when you can't see the person face to face."

Alice cocked her head to the side, intrigued. "Sounds like speaking from experience."

"It is." He smirked. "I guess it's as good time as any to mention that I have been married once?"

Her jaw dropped. "Married?"

"Divorced now, of course," he hastened to explain, seeing her expression, though his voice was amused. "Absenteeism was a big reason we grew apart. But I believe it would have happened anyway. We got married too young, never really knew each other."

"Wow. I have to admit I am pretty much in a state of shock." And a little jealous, though she knew how ridiculous it was. Obviously she wasn't the first woman to fall for him—the silent gruff type was often popular with girls, and the uniform didn't hurt, either—but to know that someone had actually managed to break through all of his layers and walls all the way to marriage was quite another thing, was it? She almost laughed at herself. That's what she got for mentioning Aaron, she supposed. Though Aaron was more like a brother, so she felt validated in feeling a bit outraged. "How old were you?"

"Twenty-one. It only lasted two years before it went up in flames." He smirked at her expression. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah." Ten years, to be exact. Karim was thirty-three now. She shook her head and grinned at him. "Well, okay. Mission accomplished. You have successfully pulled at my jealous string. Feel better now?"

"Yup." His expression cleared and he lay down on the bench and began his training anew. Alice continued to watch until he finished, and when he sat back up he looked at her, cocking his head and asked in mock seriousness: "Enjoying the show?"

"Immensely." She stuck her tongue at him.

He laughed. She still marveled at the sound of it—he never did that before yesterday, not in her presence anyway. "You should hop on that treadmill. It's my turn now."

She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to say something, but at that moment they heard the hiss of the door, sliding open. She made a face at him and, indeed, hopped onto the treadmill before one of Lorne's men came in and greeted them sleepily.