Crazy - Chapter 27

Rated: T

Crazy

Chapter Summary: The ending. April comes clean about some things she's been meaning to say and Raphael can't fucking believe what he's hearing.

I cannot thank everyone who has read this story enough. I've gotten so many messages from so many wonderful people asking me when/if I was going to write another chapter of this story which is more than for any other fanfiction that I have written before. So, it pains me to have to inform y'all of this, but truthfully, I am done with writing fanfiction for the TMNT universe. I've moved on to other fandoms but I really wanted to finish this story instead of putting it in permanent hiatus.

So, here's the final chapter.

What I am presenting to you now is woefully unfinished - mostly pieces of chapters I started and written bits for but never completed fully but the idea is there. There are also larger chunks of it missing which I will summarize briefly (or even more in depth at points) what is occurring before getting to the next scene but the ending (approx last 1500 words) is COMPLETE. I finished the last chapter forever ago so it will have a (hopefully) satisfying ending but it will be rather rushed in getting there.

I planned at least 10 more chapters and this would fit into about 3 at most. And while I hate having to release something only partly finished as this final chapter, I wanted this story to have a conclusion. I would rather it be done than just be in permanent hiatus until I somehow got into TMNT again (which honestly, I don't see happening) and I thought most of my readers would agree, so hopefully, this is sufficient.

Thanks again for sticking with me through this long wait. I sincerely hope you enjoy!

Author's Note: Scene starts from where we left off last chapter -

The following day, Raphael wakes up in the lair's infirmary suffering from a mild case of pneumonia from being out in the cold. He's frantic and wondering where he is when he finally notices Leo sitting next to him by the bed.

As Raphael stares at Leo, Raph suddenly recalls what he's doing here and what he'd just been through last night and the situation with April. Of course, it's a shock to the system as he's forced to confront that April had been with Casey and is understandably brokenhearted about the whole situation all over again.

A long terse silence passes before Leo and Raphael (reluctantly) have a long talk about everything that transpired. Here is a bit of that I did manage to write out; sorry if it's shit. XD It was a mere 15 minute word vomit more than anything.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Raph." Leo sighed, still internally wondering why he was even bothering with trying to reason with his emotionally unstable brother. Yet as he kept stealing glances at Raphael's face and into the molten gold of his eyes, Leo knew something was wrong.

Something had broken his younger brother last night - exactly what is the question.

For as troubled as Raphael could be, Leo had never seen Raph like this.

It was like a light had been turned off in him. Because as defensive as Raphael was while brutally fighting him last night in that alley, it was like the combative nature in Raph had been completely snuffed out upon awakening.

"...Yeah...I know, Leo." Raphael muttered what seemed like hours later.

Wait. What?

Leo stared at his brother wondering if he'd really heard his brother say that or during his vigil he'd kept over his brother, he'd fallen asleep without knowing it. He couldn't remember the last time Raphael called him by his actual name…

"...What was that, Raph?" he asked while sneakily pinching himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

There was pain...so this wasn't a dream.

"...I said I fuckin' know, Fearless." Raph growled but it held hardly any of the heat it usually did.

Leo remained silent mostly in shock for Raphael was never one to say he was right - ever.

Just what the actual hell happened to Raph last night!?

Fists clenching on his lap, Leo stared at Raphael's profile for some of the answers but none were found. Just Raphael's nearly blank stare as the red-banded terrapin stared at the worn blanket crumpled around his lap. The bandages on his swollen and bloody knuckles knotting in the fabric almost absentmindedly.

"Hey, Raph…" Leo said softly, reaching over to touch Raphael's shoulder but pulled back when he thought better of it. "Talk to me."

Minutes passed in silence and Leo was prepared to speak or outright leave his brother to stew in his own misery when that quiet was broken.

"...I lost her, Leo… " Raphael said in a choked, broken laugh that might as well have ripped Leonardo's heart straight out of his chest. "I know wat cha gunna say too; like how da fuck can ya lose somethin' ya never had, huh? …I shoulda jus fuckin' listened ta ya…"

Leo was stunned into complete silence as Raphael continued.

"I…I really neva stood a fuckin' chance with April…did I?" Raph asked, looking at Leo and the agony lacing those golden orbs was something Leo only saw once with Raphael before - the night they almost lost Splinter. But before Leo could say anything in response, Raphael went on.

"Who da fuck am I kiddin'? I mean, fuck - look at her! As if I stood a fuckin' chance cuz who da hell could anyone ever want anythin' to do wit a freak like me?" Raph grunted, slamming a fist onto the bedsheet and Leo didn't care about boundaries anymore, he grabbed the edge of Raphael's carapace and pulled the much larger terrapin against his chest.

"Don't fucking say that ever again! She's a damned idiot if she turned you away because you deserve all the happiness in the world, Raphael! Don't let this define you! Ever! That's a fucking ORDER!" Leo yelled, holding tightly as Raphael tensed like a coiled spring in his arms.

Leo was waiting for the blow, for Raphael to punch him with his broken knuckles and scream in his face…but he didn't.

Leonardo swallowed the lump clogging his throat as he stole a glance at Raphael's face and it was almost like a physical blow to see the normally strongest brother look completely defeated. Resigned, just accepting of the shitty hand and heartbreak life kept handing him and the worst part was Leo couldn't fight this.

Curling his lip as he watched a rogue tear drip down Raphael's face and a new disdain for their Hogasha grew in Leonardo's heart as he held his little brother together as best as he could.

AN: Raphael finally pushes Leo away and he coerces his older brother to leave him alone. The embarrassment catching up with breaking down and letting his oldest brother hold him together when he was always so strong. Finally alone, Raphael accepts what happened with April and thinks it's best that he stays away from her to avoid any more pain. If he kept being around her, he'd only be jabbing the knife deeper into his own chest. It's just not worth it anymore.

As much as he loves her and wants nothing but to be with her even only platonically, he knows that even being in her presence would be too much for him to take.

Finally listening to his better judgement, Raphael lets her go.

Raphael recovers and goes back to life - being more present in his family's life and away from the brunette reporter - and more shockingly, improving his and Leo's relationship along the way.

…A week later April visits but it doesn't go so well…

April's heart hammered unsteadily as she quickly made her way through the manhole cover. The acrid stench meeting her nostrils immediately but she had grown used to it throughout the years even if it still turned her stomach especially in the summer months. But it was not the smell of the sewer that was bothering the brunette now.

Adjusting the half a dozen pizza boxes in her arms, she walks toward the turtle's lair.

It had been a week since Raphael fled her apartment; a week of turmoil and anxiety since the incident and it was only now she felt brave enough to confront Raphael. The terrapin who still refused to answer her texts even if it showed them as 'read' - he never replied.

"Hello?" April called into the lair; unsurprised when she saw Donatello in his usual spot and Mikey in front of the television further into their living area. Per usual, Leonardo and Raphael were nowhere to be seen.

"Baby Cakes!" Mikey excitedly burst into the room and approached the brunette in an explosion of energy that she missed so damn much. How long had it been since she visited them?

Mikey was careful to put down the pizza she brought before he picked her up and spun her in large circles with a chuckle. April happily accepted the hug from the smallest turtle; his arms strong and firm around her body.

"I missed you, Mikey! How have you been?" she asked when her feet touched the floor again.

"Just peachy, doll!" he announced before cupping his mouth with one hand and stage whispering in her ear, "But between you and me, Leo and Raph seem to have gained yet another stick wedged up their uptight asses, so watch out, m'kay?" he winked.

"I'll remember that," she giggled at his words; some sense of normalcy she craved filling her battered chest.

"Good evening, April," Donatello approached while she had been distracted by the youngest.

"Hey, Donnie! How are you?" she asked the genius terrapin.

Donatello shrugged, wiping his bloodshot eyes.

AN: That's all I wrote but in summary, Donnie tells April about the attacks in the sewers that seem to be happening in greater frequency. The strange outages and power issues they've been having as well as the breaks in their security systems which is all very worrying and keeping them all on edge.

Yet instead of really listening, April is distracted, looking for a familiar flash of a red mask to ask about the incident last week and of course, to apologize, but Raphael is nowhere to be seen.

As her, Splinter, Mikey and Donnie eat the pizza she brought, Donnie and Mikey and intermittently, Splinter, informs her that Leo and Raph apparently have been closer than they'd been in years and have been patrolling together and trying to investigate the vast network sewers more than usual because of the strange happenings.

Donnie talks about the connections this has to Dr. Baxter Stockman and his inventions Donatello had studied and how it all links with the prison breaks - namely Karai and now they're waiting on pins and needles to see what is going to happen next. He warns all of them to remain vigilant and cautious of their surroundings at all times.

Hours later, April still sticks around the lair when finally Leo and Raph return…

Here's a clip of Raph and April's interaction -

"Raph!" April jumps up from the couch as soon as she sees his red mask from across the lair.

Without caring about those around her and their sudden stares, she makes her way over to him but instead of being met with his lazy smirk and bright golden eyes, the second he sees her coming, he ignores her and heads in the direction of the showers.

"Hey! Raph! I- I wanted to apologize about last week. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting for so long, I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry." April says as she scrambles after him.

"It's fine," is his short answer and he still won't look at her as his stride barely slows down and she struggles to keep up.

"Well, still! I need to make it up to you! I know! How about dinner and a movie at my place this weekend? I could order from that new sushi place I heard is damn amazing! How about it?" she asks, grabbing his forearm is when he finally stops and looks at her.

Instead of his open expression, crooked smile, and bright gold eyes, there's nothing. His face is just like his mask - giving no emotion away - eyes a dull honey and mouth almost lined with irritation.

He hadn't looked at her like that since the very beginning when he didn't trust her…

April is not put off though, pushing through with, "So, what do you say?" she asks again with the brightest smile she can muster even as her chest feels tight while confronting this almost unrecognizable Raphael.

"Eh - Sorry, but nah, I'm gonna havta pass. Been busy lately, ya know," Raph replies and incredibly gently brushed her hand off his arm as he continues toward their bathroom without even looking back at her.

"But - I - W-Wait! But what about the weekend after? We can meet then!" she desperately inquires as she runs after him.

"Thanks for da offer but no thanks. Bye, April." is all Raphael says before he walks away; quietly closing the door behind him and April is left staring at it in shock.

A part of April is terribly confused and a little pissed but the other vast majority just wants to cry…

She feels an unexplained feeling of loss she hadn't felt in such a long time - as if she lost her best friend just now and she has no idea why. Just what the fuck happened for Raphael to treat her this way?

The sudden guilt hits her like a damn train as she wraps her arms around herself and feels the back of her eyes burning with unshed tears. She's tempted to slam her fists on the door, to demand Raphael let her apologize even if she has to grovel for him just to talk to her again or not look through her like she doesn't even matter to him anymore.

But she swallows back the desire and just whispers out, "Okay…M-Maybe next time then… Bye, Raph." before turning away.

Pressed against the door, he hears the soft click of April's boots as she walks away and it is then that Raphael gently falls to his knees. The pain of seeing April broke something in him and having to push her aside and seeing the undisguised hurt on her face almost had him disregarding his own pain to comfort her but somehow, he got through it…

Now that the initial contact is over, he thinks he can finally get through this with his heart intact…

Raphael just wished it wouldn't hurt so damn much to walk away from her…

AN: Raphael and April stay away from each other for months.

April works, goes home, eats and sleeps; her life continues around her but she feels stuck in a limbo.

In case anyone wanted clarification about a few chapters prior -

Yes, April and Casey slept together that night when Raph was waiting for her at her apartment. Both were completely drunk and it was barely remembered the next day (but it was consensual!). Afterward, Casey tried to communicate with April to basically form a romantic relationship, but April refuses. She'd felt horrible guilty for the one-night stand with Casey but it stemmed deeper than just sleeping with the Detective when, while attracted to him, didn't love him in that way.

If April was honest with herself, the only reason she allowed herself to have sex with Casey was because she was horribly confused. Her feelings for Raphael had been more than platonic for a long time but she refuses to acknowledge them. Mostly in fear for what having affections deeper than friendship for a mutant turtle would mean in the long run. The species difference, the age gap, and most importantly, she worries these feelings she has for Raphael are only temporary and she has no idea what Raphael feels about her.

If she tells him how she feels and he didn't return it, she'd feel horrible and selfish and Raphael and his lack of self-esteem would suffer thinking she only spent time with him because of lust or misguided intentions. More than the rejection, she's more worried when she realizes that even after months of being ghosted by Raphael, her feelings remain unchanged. …while she loves all the turtles, this love she has for Raphael feels far more significant - but she could never tell him. Especially now.

As months pass and Raphael still refuses to talk to her, April slowly gives up on the notion thinking she did something to permanently fuck-up her friendship with Raphael. She wonders if it was to do with her sleeping with Casey and Raph finding out about it and thinking negatively of her. She's tempted to call Casey and give him a chance to stem the horrible loneliness she's experiencing and the guilt for feeling as if she used Casey somehow - but she can't because that would only be using Casey further and she refuses to do that. The feelings just aren't there - she's physically attracted to him, sure - but that's it. She doesn't have that same emotional connection she had built and grown with Raphael for over two years by this point.

It takes a long time, but April finally comes to accept that what she feels for Raphael goes deeper than friendship.

Their relationship was more than that - he was her best friend, someone she could talk to and listen to for hours without tiring. How seeing him smile and making him laugh were the highlights of her day and how she always wanted to spent time with him. How inexplicably her heart would pound whenever she felt those smooth scales underneath her fingertips and the sensation of butterflies would grow in her stomach when she caught herself staring at his mouth and wondering how it would feel pressed against hers. She just wants to be with him… It takes her a damn long time, but April soon accepts that she's in love with Raphael…even if now she'll never be able to tell him because she doubts he'd want to hear it.

So, she continues with her life thinking she ruined the one chance she had with Raphael forever. All her calls and offers to hang out remained unanswered and she realizes she also lost her friendship with him also.

Raphael on the other hand, throws himself in full time with his brothers to try and figure out the connection between Baxter Stockman, Karai and the increasing problems within the lair and the unrest in the city. Foot Clan being spotted frequently but not doing anything nefarious either. The turtles stay vigilant and mostly, Raphael stays busy to stop himself from thinking about April.

Even after months of being away from her, he still finds her at the corner of his mind every time he's not focusing on something else. Always in the background ready to fill him with guilt and anguish in the fact he hadn't seen or heard from her for months by his own volition and not answering her calls and texts. How pathetic he feels when he always finds a way to watch April on television if only to hear her voice and see her even in the grainy pixilated screen.

It's driving him absolutely insane.

Raphael thought that being away from her would help - but it's only getting worse. It's not he fact he lost out on any potential romance with her - he lost her friendship too - and he misses it desperately. Raphael is also terribly and constantly worried about her safety with all of the happenings throughout the city. So, Raph devises a plan to follow her home every day to make sure she's safe at the very least.

After weeks of following her home is when something happens no one could have predicted…

Maybe he was a fucking idiot but he didn't care. Never mind that his creepiness factor was over 9,000...damn Mikey and his new old school anime obsession...

It didn't matter to him.

All that mattered to Raphael was making sure April was safe.

The pretty brunette reporter had no clue of his hobby of following her home every night - even Leo approved if he'd kept himself in shadows. Ever since he started ignoring her texts and calls, he noticed they'd stopped after the first month. Mikey and Donatello (who still spoke to the reporter frequently - which still filled him with bitterness even as he refused to see her) told him to call her back but he never did. When she'd show up at the lair, he was sure to leave without even talking or even allowing her to see him; he'd saunter off without a word. If there was a conversation, he gave short answers and gave an excuse that would allow him a quick escape. If his family noticed their lack of communication, they didn't say anything - even if the looks they flashed him spoke volumes.

But for their silence, Raphael was thankful.

After all, this fallout with April was bound to happen eventually. He'd go on with his life as he has been and she'd go on with hers. Let her continue her relationship with Casey; let them fall in love, get married, have 2 and a half kids, white picket fence, the whole perfect shebang - let the Detective give her the happily ever after like April deserved.

…As if he could ever compare or give her anything she truly needed…

Raphael shook his head of those thoughts and hoped that eventually, the pain of wanting her so bad would dissipate. That his once-obsession would fade away… For those first few weeks, it was freeing. A sense of freedom he'd not known for a long time.

It felt incredibly liberating..for only three months.

Three months being all it took for this unbearable gnawing ache inside him to form. This need and want to be with her like it used to be. He deplored this new relationship of skirting around each other just to not hurt the other's feelings.

...But he was certain that it had to be this way.

April's certain rejection of him would be the final nail in his coffin and he would rather control his own fate rather than wait for her to deal the final blow. Smelling Casey on her should have done that, but to hear it from her mouth would be the last straw. Yet, it still didn't stop the horrendous need to just be with her; aching to be in her presence and the chance to see her - so the shadows would have to do.

It was night like any other.

Fucking cold and windy even this late in winter, almost early spring, with small snowflakes landing and melting instantly upon his skin.

The frigid wind cascading over his reptilian skin burned, but the pain in his heart overwhelmed it enough to make it bearable and even welcomed at times. From the shadows, he watched her leave the building, walking side by side with her co-worker, Vernon. She said a few parting pleasantries to her camera man, who thankfully, quit asking her to go over to some new cafe for 'munchies' once the nerd finally got himself a girlfriend - a fucking bombshell one at that.

How Vernon managed to pull it off, Raphael would never know.

A parting wave later, she was off into the dangers of the city - not alone - but she didn't have to know that.

Raph followed her diligently, staying silent as night. Keeping a large vantage point around her and anyone who would pass by, look in her direction or walk near her.

She was only a few blocks from her apartment when Raphael swore that if he had hairs on the back of his neck, they'd be standing on end. A dreaded realization came over him when he saw the visage of someone he never wished to see again emerge from a nearby alley like an actual shadow. Yet instead of the normal ninjitsu techniques he'd expect - he saw the flash of an object he didn't anticipate them to carry and a sound that followed it - the non-mistakable metallic click of a gun being cocked than aimed straight toward the back of the unsuspecting April's head.

In an instant, he was jumping from the building and running as soon as the muffled pop went off.

The graze of the bullet sliced cleanly across the scales of his shoulder the second he heard April shriek and hit the ground in a blind panic. Raphael ignored his wound, pinpointing the attacker and the woman stared back at him in terror.

Karai.

The very appearance of her filled him with more rage than he could have imagined.

Without any care that she was a woman, he attacked, and for the first time, she flinched in panic at the utter fear that consumed her. Raphael supposed that just the sight of his burning amber eyes and bared teeth let her know immediately that mercy simply was not an option.

In what could only be desperation, Karai shot again.

The shot ricocheting off his plastron right before she tried to run, black hair flicking across her face as she hurriedly cocked the gun again, but she didn't have time to pull the trigger when he saw red; slamming her with every ounce of strength in his body.

Karai's thin form flying backwards at the sheer force; hitting the brick wall with a heavy thunk and the distinct crack of bone echoing throughout the area before she fell lifelessly to the floor. The woman let out a pitiful noise and Raphael was sorely tempted to snap her neck to finish her, but pulled himself back. If she was still somehow alive, there was no way he was ending her misery - she deserved every single bit of pain he dealt her for trying to kill April.

Raphael swallowed back a lump that clogged his throat and swiftly turned back to April.

The lump returned when he saw her sitting there - cornflower blue eyes wide, body shaking profusely with arms wrapped around herself but Raph highly doubted it was a response to the cold.

Raphael took a moment to look around just to make sure there was no foot soldiers nearby but from the look of it, Karai was sent on this assignment alone. He snorted angrily. Hating the fact April got caught up with them - the mere fact of her merely associating with them consonantly putting the reporter in danger. He fucking deplored it...but April still wouldn't stop. She still wouldn't even after their fallout…

Without thinking about anything but April's safety, Raphael scooped the brunette up into his arms and took off back into the night.

April was silent at first, but as the shock wore off, he heard her crying, pressing her face into his throat and letting out the most guttural sobs he ever heard from her. Every warm tear against his clavicle was another stab to his heart. April should never cry - her strength and resilience during so much of the shit they'd put her through since they met - not once did she cry. Not once did this woman break down - and yet, here she was, hiding her face in the concave of his neck - weeping uncontrollably and clinging to him like a lifeline.

"...Ya okay?" he finally asked in a gruffer voice than he intended, heart racing, pulse thrumming in his ears as he continued to run.

April was silent, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, hard enough to slightly cut off his airway, but he didn't have the heart to tell her to loosen her arms.

Raphael didn't dwell on what would have happened had he not followed her home that night.

Had he not been there to take that bullet...

Raph shook his head, not even daring to ponder that thought further.

As he made his way to her apartment, what just transpired flitted through his mind like scene from a horror movie.

The instant he understood what was happening, he just moved. Sheer instinct to protect April - it was like his body knew what to do before his mind could even catch up. It didn't matter that she'd broken his heart - didn't matter if she decided to never see him again - he loved her regardless. That was never going away and he accepted it. As long as he was drawing breath, he would protect her - would die for her if need be. This fierce protectiveness was daunting but he'd come to accept that he'd thrived with it.

There was something about seeing April broken like that - rigid, her knees and legs shaking profusely underneath her. Even after the threat had been disarmed and most likely dead, she didn't move; still, he approached her slowly and his heart nearly stopped when she flinched away from his touch. The pain of their mutual avoidance fell to the wayside when the tears started. Raphael didn't care if she didn't want to be touched, he wrapped his arms around her and to his relief, she quickly hugged him back, weeping into his neck.

Within seconds, he'd picked her up into his arms and they went off into the night, which brought him to his current point.

Raphael had frozen atop her apartment building. April had not spoken a single word since he saved her other than her broken sobs.

April sniffled into his neck and finally mumbled a choked, "I'm fine..."

Raphael couldn't recall the last time he moved so fast down her fire escape, opening her window and making his way inside her dark apartment. He's quickly flicked on a couple lights and made his way to place her upon the couch, but the second he tried putting her down, April screamed.

Flinching at the sudden scream, he embraced her tighter, hushing soft mantras of "It's okay", "I'm here", and "It's all over".

AN: As soon as Raphael and April get back to her apartment, April becomes hysterical. Seeing Raphael's wound on his shoulder and the fact she almost got killed just hits her and she's frantic. Raphael can do little to calm her down so he allows her to control the little she can. Allowing the brunette to clean his wounds and bandage him up just to keep her quiet even as he worries over her seemingly shattered mental state.

It wasn't just tonight either. Raphael notices the dark circles under her eyes, the fatigue, and how she looks at him with the most heartbreakingly haunted eyes. So, apparently he wasn't he only one that was going insane from their separation… There are still a lot of bitter feelings between them that neither can fully accept or talk about yet but the silence does most of it.

Lost in almost a little world as the adrenaline and near death experience fades slightly as the night continues. There's little words but not much needs to be said. Raphael and April are sitting next to each other on the couch and April still has yet to take her hands off of him. Clinging to him like a lifeline and Raphael doesn't even bother trying to remove the touch.

He missed it.

The guilt of refusing to talk to her so long builds in him and he knows she feels horrible too for probably the same reasons. Eventually, April calms but still keeps her hands on him; her fingers gently running up and down his forearm and the backs of his hands and over the new scars from his knuckles he got the last time he fled her apartment.

There's so many things both want to say but don't.

The exhaustion mentally and physically hits April first. The brunette lying her head against his chest where she falls asleep and Raphael accepts it. Gently lying down, he lays her on top of him with a blanket over both of them.

Months ago, his heart would be hammering and his pulse drumming frantically at this interaction but now he just feels relief to have her close.

Closing his eyes, Raphael almost falls asleep when his phone beeps in his pocket.

It's Donnie's mile long text informing him in great detail that with the police interference and information, they located where Baxter Stockman was staying and trying to reestablish communication with the Krang and Shredder. They were able to stop them all. The only missing piece is Karai who is missing and it suddenly made sense to Raphael why she went after April alone - a final piece of hatred to leave when she believed all turtles would be occupied with Stockman. Even if Baxter failed, the pain of losing their closest human friend would devastate them all…

Raphael felt immediate relief at the outcome and wrote with one hand, 'Karai is dead she tride 2 kill April. Aprils ok btw.'

Donnie doesn't respond immediately but when he does, all it reads is, 'that makes things a lot easier. Where's the body so we can inform the police?'

Raphael returns the information before shutting off his phone and focusing on the slumbering brunette in his arms.

As much as he wants to stew in his guilt and frustration of these past few months, he instead relishes in her life. Her breathing and sleeping on top of his plastron as if these past three months of avoidance didn't matter…

Raphael soon joins her in slumber and it's the best damn sleep he ever had.

…Now for the actual conclusion…

The first signs of wakefulness was like a light dusting of snow - while it would hit your skin, it would be so light and airy, it would hardly register; leaving you in this limbo in that cusp of unconsciousness. It began to pull at his awareness when he felt a tickle of breath along his chest, the warm air brushing over those sensitive plates.

It hit him like a runaway train when the warmth that rested on his stomach began shuffling - the recollection of what had occurred the previous night slashed at the remains of sleep and caused his eyes to flutter open.

The first thing he saw was the tattered white ceiling of April's apartment, delicate cracks trailing along the surface like spiderweb patterns in the thin stucco. He trained his eyes to the source of movement; fighting the need to flinch upon seeing April resting upon his chest, her delicate fingers brushing comforting circles; tracing the grooves on his plastron. Blue eyes peering along the surface as her fingers continued their languid movements in an almost hypnotic motion.

April began speaking, as if sensing his state even though her eyes continued to focus at some point beyond her vision.

"...Do you know what I was thinking about... when I was certain I was going to die?" she asked, her small, shaken voice was broken and he knew that if his hearing wasn't as good as it was, he most likely wouldn't have heard it.

Raphael didn't answer immediately, still frozen in place at the sight of her; while April was always small and petite, how she was curled up into herself at this moment made her look downright fragile - like a glass doll that could turn to dust at the slightest breeze. Heart aching upon seeing her this way, broken and afraid weren't adjectives to describe this strong, fiery, and damn stubborn woman in the least, it was as if she inverted into herself; a shell of some sorts.

"...what?" Raph asked in a gruff whisper, as if she'd break into pieces if his voice was too loud.

"At first, my thoughts were all over the place...stupid things like that vacation I never got to take because of work. Not calling my aunt and wishing her a happy birthday last week. Getting the damn garden salad instead of the bacon cheeseburger burger I really wanted for lunch... Heh... Isn't the brain the strangest thing when you think you're going to die? " April chuckled, fingers never letting up from the pattern. Her voice was a low, withdrawn whisper as she continued.

"Regrets... I always thought I've always lived my life in a way where I wouldn't have any...but..." a heavy sigh punctuated the thought before she finally continued, "It was all a lie, Raphael. I do have regrets - mostly trivial things that mean nothing at all...but there's one that terrified me into a fucking panic attack last night..."

All of a sudden, her movement stopped; palm flat over his racing heart as she lifted her face and looked at him as if for the first time.

"Do you want to know what the worst regret I have is?" April whimpered, cornflower blue eyes boring into his own burnished amber.

"...What?" Raph asked in a barely audible whisper at the pain lacing those beautiful blue eyes - pain he'd be willing to die for just the opportunity to take it away from her.

"If I died last night... How I never would have gotten the chance..." her left hand reached out to lightly touch his face; dainty fingers brushing along his jaw before she continued, "...t-to tell you..." fingers brushed over his lips and signature scar marring them and he trembled at the touch, "...just how much I love you...how I've always loved you...so fucking much. I was just too much of a fucking coward to admit to myself…" The whispered admission was like a shock to the heart; blue eyes lined with tears as she continued staring at him.

For a long time, there was nothing but silence in the small apartment.

The only noise that could be heard was his heartbeat pulsating in his ears, their combined breathing and the soft purr of the heater turning on. Raph was certain she could hear and feel just how fast his heart was drumming in his chest, one palm still resting comfortably atop his plastron. He wasn't sure if this was some kind of dream - some kind of euphoric conjuring of his mind, but the pain he was experiencing just by witnessing the overwhelming sadness in her blue depths that told him this was indeed reality. It wasn't those sweet dreams where she'd kiss him, hold him in a way he was certain she never would.

Fate had never been kind to him.

He never imagined he'd be lucky enough to know what it was like to be loved, be accepted by anyone other than his family.

And yet - here she was.

This incredibly beautiful woman (inside and out) who'd become such an instrumental part of his world - who he had yet to thank for his very existence when he should have perished in that fire so many years ago. How she'd entranced him from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her. The blindness at his initial distrust peeling away when she helped him with tending to Splinter. She'd had him wrapped around her tiny little finger since; slowly melting the black ice that surrounded his heart. Years of resentment toward humanity who would hurt him, dissect, and kill him at the first opportunity.

…but she changed everything.

April showed him that he was wrong and he'd never been more thankful to have been. He came to care for her - protect her - and ultimately love her with every fiber of his being; fully accepting the fact she'd never return those feelings once Casey came into the picture.

The words she spoke now ripped all that pondering to shreds. This was the same little girl who fed them pizza and named them after Renaissance painters - the same one who grew up and lost everything only to give everything to him and his family. She owed them nothing, but he owed her his very existence, and yet, she was here; just admitted to him that her only regret in her life before this moment was her withheld feelings of love she'd harbored all this time.

It was enough to take his breath away.

This was not something he expected. In a moment right now where she was lying on his chest, curled into his body and looking at him as if just waiting for him to reject her - sadness and resignation overwhelming every sense of the word.

Raphael wanted to speak.

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to say something - anything - but yet, his tongue felt like a chunk of lead stuck to the bottom of his mouth. The words just wouldn't come. Words of his own confession, his own secret muse of being in love with her from almost the very beginning. Convictions strong; willing to die for this girl if only for the chance to see her smile...but his mouth just wouldn't move...

"I love you, Raphael…" she whispered again, a sad smile tipping up the edges of her lips, "I'm not wasting another second with this regret and I'd fully understand if you'd continue with us not seeing or even talking to each other. Heh...I just...wanted you to know..."

Raphael couldn't speak, but this time, he knew actions would speak something words never could.

He interrupted her musing with a giant, gentle hand on the back of her head; pulling her toward him.

Within seconds, his lips enveloped hers and he gave every emotion, every word that he could put into that one kiss. It was off center and sloppy, but God, did it just feel so fucking good... He couldn't count how many times he'd dreamt about this, those visions of the feel and taste of her lips upon his own were nothing compared with the reality of that beautiful, soft, pouty mouth loving caressing his own. Certain his heart was going to beat out of his chest as his other hand moved to press along the curve of her spine, the fabric of that ratty t-shirt clenched in his hand as he lost himself in her.

All too soon, he felt her pull away with a wet popping noise; while already craving her lips again, hearing her heaving breaths and rapid pulsation of her heart, he knew she felt it too.

That maybe...he wasn't so crazy after all...

...They were both completely insane...and it was the best fuckin' feeling in the world as she kissed him again...

The End.

I might have missed some crucial points so if any reader has any questions about unfinished plots that I neglected to mention, I will happily answer them in the comments.

Thanks again for all the love and support you have given this story. I really wish I had the motivation to write out the conclusion but I'd rather it be done than left in limbo forever. Hope you all still enjoyed at least somewhat. :-)