When the Doctor showed up at Zuriah's foundation, he found she wasn't alone. As the woman assorted several glasses, the other woman - a blonde - helped place glasses on another table. They were in the middle of a conversation, or it rather seemed like the blonde was doing most of the talking while Zuriah gave acknowledging nods every now and then.
"Listen, Assessor, it's all nice until…" Zuriah had stopped when she noticed the Doctor by the threshold. "Hello…"
With a clearing of his throat, the Doctor gave a meek wave of a hand.
The blonde woman beside Zuriah gave an expectant look between the two, eventually clearing her own throat to get them talking again. "Well, what's going on?"
"Nothing," Zuriah put down the glasses in her hand and grabbed a towel to clean her hands up. "Um, Doctor, you weren't meant to be in today."
"I thought you could always use a hand," the Doctor shrugged his shoulders.
"You're the Time Lord sentenced to community service," the blonde Time Lady spoke up once she had the right idea. "My poor sister…"
Zuriah elbowed the woman on the side. "Um, Doctor, this is my older sister. You may know her-"
The blonde Time Lady took initiative and walked up to the Doctor. "I'm the Assessor, part of the Higher Council?" The Doctor nervously smiled at the woman.
"No need to put that in your introduction," Zuriah lightly scolded the blonde.
"I just want to remind those with criminal charges to be mindful of their actions," the Assessor smirked at the Doctor. "Especially when he's working with someone who's family works in the higher rankings."
"Assessor!" Zuriah called, but the elder sister was smirking at the Doctor.
"Just reminding," the Assessor raised her hands and backed up to where her sister was. "Anyways, are you going to listen to my ideas?" she went back to Zuriah.
Zuriah made a motion for the Doctor to come closer. They really were in need of an extra pair of hands. "Can you help me set up on that table?"
"Of course," he grinned at her. She offered one of her small smiles in return.
The Assessor noticed their little moment with a degree of curiosity. "Zuriah?" her call made the younger sister flinch.
"Yes?" Zuriah quickly returned to her sister while the Doctor headed for the designated table.
"My idea?" the Assessor reminded. "About using the cups after they've been painted for the ceremony?" Zuriah lowered her gaze to the cups in front of her. "Oh please don't tell me you're still not making preparations! You only get married once!"
The Doctor dropped one of the cups on the ground. Its shattering startled both sisters, but only the Assessor looked irritated.
"Uh, you want to be more careful with those? It's not like you're paying for them, right?"
"Assessor, go get us the extra box I brought," Zuriah's order came as a surprise for the elder sister, but Zuriah nodded the Assessor to go.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor said once the Assessor was gone. He started picking up the broken pieces of the cup from the ground.
"Don't worry about it. I brought more just in case for accidents," Zuriah walked over to help him.
"Um, so...you're...you're getting married?"
Zuriah sighed. "I was going to tell you-"
"-why would you? It's not like you had to," the Doctor cleared his throat and picked up a couple more pieces before straightening on his feet.
With a frown, Zuriah followed. "Are you upset?"
"No, of course not," the Doctor wasn't sure what he was saying but the words just kept coming out of his mouth. "Just surprised."
"I'm still processing it myself, alright?" Zuriah said, unsure of why she was explaining herself to him. "After there event last week, it just...it just happened. I've known him for a couple months now and-"
"-months," the Doctor repeated with a low scoff.
Zuriah's frown returned. "Why are you acting like that?"
"Like what?" the Doctor stopped to look at her.
"Like...like that!" Zuriah gestured at him. "When I found out you were betrothed - which you also neglected to tell me - I was...I was happy for you. I talked to Asgari as much as I could and now…it looks like you don't even want to listen to me."
"Maybe I don't!" the Doctor snapped at her. He felt his hearts racing and he wasn't sure why.
Zuriah blinked at his reaction. "Wh...what's going on, Doctor?" her soft voice only made him feel worse.
"I have to go!" he started making way for the door, ignoring her calls after him. He didn't understand yet but something inside him hurt.
The Doctor moved fiercely around the console, hands zooming over the controls. He couldn't think very well but there was one place he felt like he needed to go to. It was also good that he wasn't going alone.
"So...so Renata is...she's... she's actually her!?" Donna followed the Doctor around several times before he made her dizzy and had to pause. "She's...she's that Zuriah you were crazy over!?"
The Doctor no longer shared the same shock. He'd gotten over it fairly quick and moved onto anger. And how could he not be angry? All this time she'd been lying, lying to his face. He felt like a true idiot the way he raved about Zuriah in front of Renata. She'd said nothing and let himself drone on and on about her as if she were dead.
"That's…" Donna stopped, letting the last of her sighs slip, "That actually makes a lot of sense. She knew everything about you, how you were...everything. The things she would say - she had that advantage!"
"It was not an advantage," the Doctor spoke up for the first time, his voice so hard that Donna blinked in surprise. "She was...she was lying this whole time. From the very start, she lied."
And of course now 1913 made a lot more sense. Throwing him out of her house when he was John Smith, not wanting to be so close to him... refusing to come along on the TARDIS. She knew who she was, what they had done together those centuries ago, things they nearly did. She was still ashamed. And that thought still hurt him deep inside.
"Well, she didn't necessarily lie…" Donna began, knowing well what she was subjecting herself to. "I mean, yes she did lie about who she was but I don't think she enjoyed it very much." The Doctor scoffed and stopped at a precise stop at the console. "Don't you see? This is why she was always so scared, so reclusive. I'm not saying it was okay to lie, but...well, you know how the story ended better than anyone else. Do you think Zuriah would purposely lie to hurt you?"
"I don't know what she would do," the Doctor shook his head. "I stopped trusting her a long time ago. And now I've stopped trusting Renata too. They're the same: a liar. And no matter what I do, what I say, I'm always the one who comes out hurt."
Donna looked at him sorrowfully. He truly looked the part of being hurt. She didn't know what to think, who to side with...but she did know that right now her friend really needed her. "What do you want to do?" she slowly moved up to his side, resting one hand on his arm, letting him know that she was there.
The Doctor nodded, swallowing hard to push away all those petty feelings for the time being. "I need to go talk to someone. I get the feeling she was the first to learn everything."
"Then let's go, but, um, first let me go do something really quick," Donna made a gesture with her fingers that she'd be right back.
~ 0 ~
Gabby was doing her best not to shout in front of Renata's bedroom door but she could hear Renata quietly crying inside and it was driving her mad not being able to go inside and help Renata. "Ren, please let me in," Gabby leaned on the door as she called in, "Renata? C'mon."
"Hey!" She suddenly heard Donna's hiss and looked over to see Donna running towards her. "Hey! Come here!"
"Donna, what's going on?" Gabby sighed heavily as she drew away from the door. "I heard all the yelling and now Ren's crying in her room. Where's the Doctor? I heard him yelling in there."
Donna reached for Gabby's arm and brought her further away from Renata's room. She quickly explained what happened - giving Gabby the short version of things because of time - and how the Doctor wanted to go see someone to talk about Renata's secret.
"Who's he seeing?" frowned Gabby, feeling upset on behalf of Renata. "He needs to be right here, fixing things with Renata!"
"I know!" Donna shook her head. "But the spaceman's really angry and, honestly, he has a right."
"I know," Gabby had to admit that. "I know he's mad, I'd be mad too, but...but Donna, they do love each other. I can see it now. It can't end like this."
"Oh, it's not," Donna said determinedly. "Because you and I are going to make sure that it doesn't."
"What are we supposed to do?"
"What we always do. You take your uptight Time Lady and I take my dumb Spaceman," Donna was sure that they could figure out how to get them to talk to each other. They always did it. "I'm going to see where he's going and hopefully this person can help talk some sense into him. At the very least, I can help bring the smoke down from his ears. You can talk to Renata, find out why she did it. Why she kept quiet? And just...make her see that even though the Doctor's mad, it won't last. He'll eventually be open to talking."
Gabby bit her lower lip, truly nervous. That sounded like a lot of important tasks. "You really think we can help them?"
"Yes," Donna nodded. "We always do. We've been working on this little get-together for a while now, I think it's about time they actually got together."
"Okay," Gabby nodded along with Donna, "Let's do it."
"Great!" Donna actually smiled like she believed they would do it. "And break!"
Gabby chuckled when she turned and left in a near sprint back to the Doctor.
"I didn't think you'd be back…" Zuriah's voice was a quiet one, a whisper really, that wouldn't have been heard if there was anyone else in the room. She looked up from her desk. Her eyes were almost glaring at him and yet the Doctor saw a trace of despondence in them.
"I was just doing some paperwork," she gestured to a neat folder placed at the edge of her desk.
The Doctor sighed as Zuriah got up from her seat and walked away. "Zuriah, you don't have to…"
"Don't have to what?" Her anger was still laced on her words, enough to make the Doctor wince. "Do paperwork? Yeah, actually I do. See, because, it's part of my job." She pushed herself out of her chair, levelling a cold glare on him, "That is something I have to do. What I don't have to do is feel bad because I didn't tell you about my betrothal. That is something I have every right to keep to myself."
"You're right," the Doctor said simply, but it wasn't enough to convince her that he wouldn't spontaneously shout at her again. It'd been a couple days since the incident and he had a lot of time to cool down and really think about things...and boy had he thought a lot. "You don't have to tell me anything about yourself. I don't have the right to be angry with you for anything."
Zuriah's eyebrows knitted together, her suspicion flashing across her face. "What is this? A new approach to arguing? You don't have to say anything, you're done here. Go home, go to…" but she cut herself off. Finishing the sentence was crossing a line she was restraining herself to stay very far away from. She'd no idea why though. She wasn't even sure what that line really was about.
"I don't want us to end like this," the Doctor said. "You are...far too special to leave like this."
Zuriah's eyes widened a bit. She felt a warmth fill her cheeks which translated into a stammer. "I-I kn-know that I'm special...you don't have to tell me that. Why...why would you tell me that?" She crossed her arms.
The Doctor's warm smile made her feel no better about this. "Because it's what I feel." Zuriah's mouth opened and closed twice before she gave up trying to form a decent, coherent sentence. The Doctor slowly walked up to her. "And lately, I haven't really been sure of what I feel."
Every step the Doctor towards her, she took back, which ended up making them cross the room. "What-what you...you feel…?" Zuriah repeated, unable to stop her hearts from hammering under her chest.
"I had no right to be angry with your betrothal," the Doctor sighed, stopping once they were on the other side of her desk. "But it doesn't mean I can stop feeling jealous."
"J-jealous?"
"Zuriah, you're smart - you are so smart - that I know you understand what I'm trying to say here. I like you, I really like you and I can't stop feeling like this," he'd taken a step closer to her, enough so that he could feel her breath hitting his face. She was breathing quicker, probably processing everything he'd said.
"You can't...you can't say something like that," she suddenly snapped at him, going as far as pushing him away from her. "You're - you're getting married! You can't...you can't do this!" She turned away from him and walked a couple steps away.
"I'm sorry," the Doctor sadly apologized, knowing the situation he was putting her in was...immoral, the very opposite of what Zuriah was raised to be. "I shouldn't have said it-"
She whirled around, revealing angry, teary eyes. "No, you shouldn't have said it! You shouldn't have come back if that's what you were planning on doing! What the hell am I supposed to do with that!?"
"I needed to say it, at least once!"
"But what for!? We're both getting married! What am I supposed to do!? Cancel everything!?"
"Well, no - can you?" the Doctor suddenly stopped to think, only further angering her.
"Of course I can't! That would be...it wouldn't…" But Zuriah seemed more confused than she should be if she didn't reciprocate...
Something clicked in the Doctor's head while he watched her go back and forth. It made his hearts skip beats. "You feel the same way." She stopped pacing to openly glare at him again but it didn't stop the big smile spreading across his face. "You don't know what to do because...you feel the same way."
"Stop laughing!" She pointed at him. "And stop saying nonsense!"
"Oh, I say a lot of nonsense but this is the truth," the Doctor strode towards her, rather confident now. "You have feelings for me too and you can't deny it."
"Watch me," she spat and attempted to go back to her desk but he grabbed her arm. "Doctor, stop this!"
"Stop what? I just want the truth," he said softly. His eyes bore into hers, pleading her to speak the truth. "Tell me how you feel."
"What for!?" She swatted his hands away from her. "There's nothing! You're getting married! I'm getting married! This is not happening!"
"You're not denying it-"
"-because I can't!" She shouted it to his face.
It took only two seconds for her to realize what she'd said, but it took the Doctor far less. Before she could move a step, he'd pulled her closer and kissed her. Zuriah's hands reached up to his that were settled on both sides of her head, but as her fingers curled around his - intending on pushing them and him away - she stopped. His sweet lips had captured hers in such a fitting way it seemed like the perfect fit of a puzzle.
When they pulled apart, Zuriah took in a deep breath, her eyes never leaving the Doctor's, but a huge scowl on her face. She was angry. "We're in trouble…" She might have actually really liked that kiss.
Gabby was eternally grateful when she was allowed into Renata's bedroom. She supposed Renata had finally cried all the tears she needed to and would now be pulling up that wall to hide her feelings. Gabby wished she could bring Renata something more than a measly cup of coffee, something more to get her out of her bed. Of course perhaps staying in bed is what Renata needed to fully recuperate in terms of her physical health. After the Library incident, Renata had been trying to rest. She was wearing comfortable pajamas with a silk, gold robe over it.
Renata took the cup of coffee Gabby had made for her. Usually she preferred tea but Gabby was American. But when she took the first sip, she tasted something odd in the coffee and scrunched her face.
Gabby smiled in amusement. "It's coffee with rompope."
"With what!?"
Gabby took the chair next to Renata's bed and chuckled. "It's Mexican eggnog with rum. It's really good. Mom always says that a little bit of this is good for the heart - or hearts in your case."
Renata's gaze lowered to the mug in her hands. "This is sweet but...I don't think there's anything that can make me feel better." She shook her head. She shouldn't have been hopeful at all. "But what did I expect? I don't deserve peace."
Gabby wished she had the words that could help Renata. All she knew was how to make sweet desserts or some pictures. What Renata needed right now were not desserts nor pictures...she needed the Doctor. And he needed her. She really hoped Donna could convince the Doctor to come back and talk with Renata.
"I think it's good that you finally told him everything," Gabby said after a few minutes of silence. Renata wouldn't even question how she was aware of the situation, figuring the Doctor had screamed it at her and Donna.
"Is it though?" Renata had to ask. If she had kept her mouth shut, then the Doctor never would've gotten hurt. He had buried Zuriah a very long time ago. Things could've stayed like that forever more. But she didn't know how long she could've lasted without falling apart. Keeping so many secrets of who she is was literally tearing her apart. Ever since she had told the Doctor everything, the aggressive heat from her skin had disappeared. She wanted to believe that the heat was an extension of her stress, coupled with the energy of the infection.
"I think you know that," Gabby said softly. "I can't imagine how hard this has to be but...things can get better from here on out."
"I don't know about that, Gabby," Renata pursed her lips together, fresh tears coming to her eyes. Gabby already knew how tormented Renata was, starting with the fact she was once again calling her by her nickname instead of her actual name. "I really hurt the Doctor. I've been lying to him since he found me in 1913 and I've built on those lies with new lies. I've gotten smart and that is never the type of woman I wanted to be."
"I have to ask, and you don't really have to answer if you don't want to, but why did you wait so long to tell him who you were?" Gabby watched as Renata fiddled with the holder of her mug. "I mean, I learned from Donna that, well...you and the Doctor loved each other very much when you were younger."
"I did," Renata said fast, as if her love was in question. "I do, I-I…" she sighed. "It was a complicated relationship - if it could've even been called a relationship."
"What do you mean?"
At this point, Renata felt like there was absolutely no point in anything anymore. She had little energy left and she doubted it was all from her illness. So what if she told Gabby - a 19 year old human girl - about her lives? Who cares. Who cares about anything?
"It was a forbidden love," Renata shuddered a breath. It felt wrong calling it that but if they were being technical...it's exactly what it was. "We-we were both betrothed to different people but...it just happened. If we had been stronger, smarter even, we wouldn't have let it go so far. But he was...so sweet. Annoying, but sweet."
Gabby smiled. It sounded like the perfect description of the Doctor. "So he hasn't changed very much, has he?"
Renata found amusement as well. "Not really. He's learned a lot more, but...he's still the same man I met all those centuries ago. How could I resist?"
Zuriah was trying to make a certain craft stay standing on the table but was honestly struggling. She was a creative person but not when it came to building. She needed extra hands to make her ideas come to life.
"What...are you trying to do?"
Zuriah braced herself for the Doctor's commentary before turning to face him. "I read a book. I got an idea. But it turns out...I'm not that good."
The Doctor smiled and walked further into the room. He saw several of their tables for the charity's guests were empty of their usual centerpieces. "What's the idea here?"
"Uuh. I thought we could use paper for flowers instead of using real flowers."
"But wouldn't actual flowers be prettier?"
"Well, yeah but, I was thinking that we could have an activity trying to recreate the centerpiece. However," Zuriah air-strangled the centerpiece in front of them, "I can't seem to make that one flower stay standing! It's all lopsided!"
The Doctor watched her slowly get red in the face, almost matching her ginger hair. He couldn't help but laugh.
"Do not laugh at me!"
"I can't help it!"
Zuriah growled and turned away from him, crossing her arms. "Why are you here?" she demanded in a quiet mutter.
The Doctor had sobered from his laugh, but he was still struggling not to smile. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry." Zuriah wouldn't budge. She folded her arms tighter, refusing to look back at him. "Oh c'mon, you know I was only having fun." He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He dropped a kiss to her fiery red hair and murmured against her ear, "How about I help you with your activity? And I promise to give you kisses whenever I can."
Zuriah felt her hearts speed up when he gave her a particular soft kiss on her cheek. She turned around to face him. "I'm a very difficult person, aren't I?"
"No. A pretty person, yes," he brushed some strands of hair from her face. "A very charitable person, yes. A kind person, yes. A loving person, absolutely!" She rolled her eyes as he continued to list off things. "You are so many things, Zuriah...it's no wonder I fell for you." He leaned down to give her a kiss.
"So, she told you." Martha Jones faced the Doctor and Donna with a 'finally' type of smile on her face. The two had come into her office at UNIT without being unannounced, but the Doctor had immediately told her the reason for their unexpected visit. "You know, it took her a longer time than I thought but at least she finally said it."
"How could you keep that from me?" the Doctor asked her in a weak tone, looking as if he felt betrayed by her as well.
Martha blinked and looked at Donna in surprise. "You're...seriously asking me how I could keep quiet about a secret that wasn't mine to tell?" She now faced the Doctor with a 'you better think about that' stare.
"You knew exactly who she was, how much she meant to me...and you didn't say a word!"
Martha put her hands on her desk and leaned over it as much as she could. "May I remind you that the reason I even knew about that was because I read her diary!? A book that I wasn't supposed to have!?"
"You read her diary?" Donna repeated in genuine shock. It didn't sound like something Martha would do.
Martha sighed and retracted her body from the desk. "I'm not proud of it. I didn't know it was her diary until it was too late. And...I wasn't at the best place back then. But I learned who she was and…" she once again met the Doctor's gaze, though this time with an earnest expression, "...how much she loved you."
"She shouldn't have lied," the Doctor said, keeping his voice as flat as possible.
"She shouldn't have," Martha agreed, making it clear where her thoughts were. "She shouldn't have lied at all but...I also understand her. How could she tell you from the moment you met that she was Zuriah? The girl who made the wrong choice? The girl who broke your hearts? Could you have told her if the roles were reversed?"
The Doctor's jaw visibly tightened with the question. He didn't want to answer - he couldn't. He would never want to hurt Zuriah. He'd rather die, and he told her that several times.
Laughter echoed in the room every few minutes. Zuriah couldn't help herself when the Doctor was being far too ridiculous. They were sitting on the floor with a book between them. He'd found a map from one of the charity's donated books that showed them the Milky Way Galaxy. It was home to his favorite foreign planet, but he was being absolutely silly even for him.
"I'm telling you! I can get you one of Saturn's rings!" he exclaimed. He was loving her reaction. She was far too pretty when she laughed.
"What would I even do with a planet's ring? Idiot!" Zuriah passed her hands through her hair to tidy it up after so much laughing. She was glad there was no one in the building because they had been way too loud these past minutes.
"You know on Earth, human children play with um, what were they called? Oh! Hula hoops! You could use Saturn's rings for hula hooping!"
Zuriah stared at him in hopes that he would gather some bearings and return to their actual planet. "You are far too ridiculous to be an adult, you know that right?"
"I take offence to that!"
"Well, I'm not lying!"
The Doctor closed the book between them and slid it to the side. He scooted closer to her, his own smile fading. "I have to go."
Zuriah understood. He was needed... somewhere else. And that somewhere else included his wife-to-be. Each time their secret dates came to an end, Zuriah would vow that this would be the last time she would put herself in this pain. Her hearts wrenched each time the Doctor had to leave her in order to go see his actual betrothed. But then he would come back the next day and she would forget all about it. She had come to love the way he made her feel, the way he would make her laugh, hug her, kiss her...that it would be worth it to go through the pain of having to part in the end.
"I'll be back tomorrow," the Doctor promised her. Zuriah nodded, like she always would, while pushing away all the thoughts that would remind her how terrible she was. But then he touched her face - like he always would - and offered her one of his sweet smiles. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.
And Zuriah would blush like mad. No matter how many times her own betrothed would tell her the same thing, she wouldn't get the same feeling. The Doctor just looked at her in a different way, made her feel a different way.
"Come back tomorrow," she said in a low whisper but made it a plea. Her fingers stroked his cheeks and before she knew it, she had leaned forwards to kiss him. There they would last several minutes kissing like it was something they were allowed to do.
But they weren't.
But they couldn't stop.
And each time they parted, they wished they could have more self control...but they were in too deep.
"I don't understand, why would you let your families marry you off to different people if you weren't in love?" Gabby couldn't fathom the idea that such a respected, advanced race would cling to those medieval customs.
Renata had downed half the coffee laced with rum and was leaning against her bed's headboard. She gave a light shrug of her shoulders. "It's just the way things were. Families would usually marry their children off to people that would benefit both sides. The Doctor and I were just one of the thousands."
"Well, why couldn't you just marry each other? You were from the same class, right?"
"Because it didn't work that way. I would've loved to if it had," Renata drew in a breath. If she had been able to marry the Doctor back then, perhaps their entire lives would've been based around Gallifrey. Or perhaps they would've traveled together from the very start. Both options sounded lovely.
"The truth is...we were doomed from the start," she brought her mug to her lips. "I loved him so much, but my fear of my family overpowered me."
"You were afraid of your family?" Gabby raised an eyebrow.
"Not of them, but...my family was rather special. My big sister, in specific, was a…"
Gabby smiled at Renata's widened eyes. She could understand that. She had an older sister herself. "Difficult?"
"Something like that…"
"You really think they'd give me the money for this?" Zuriah examined the book page the Doctor had found for her.
He nodded with a seemingly convinced expression. "How could they not give you money for that? It would allow children from the Academy to explore their choices when it comes to picking a new name and career."
"I understand the goal, I just think it's a bit unorthodox."
"Isn't everything good in life unorthodox?" the Doctor gave her a specific type of smirk that made her blush.
"Okay, I'll see how we can introduce this idea." She put the book down on the nearest table. "I think we're done with the day, actually..if you were needed elsewhere." Now it was her who gave him a specific type of look. She was sweet and shy, perhaps longing. She wanted him to stay a few extra minutes.
"I'm needed here," the Doctor understood her perfectly. She always struggled to say what was on her mind but he always knew what she was trying to say. He inched closer to her, his hand reaching for hers on the table. She was able to smile sheepishly just before someone walked into the room.
"Zuriah, we need to go…" the Assessor, Zuriah's older sister, came to a skidded stop when she saw the pair a bit closer than they needed to be. Her dark eyes widened. "What is going on?"
Zuriah quickly pulled her hand from the Doctor's and moved around him to get to her sister. "We were finishing up our session."
"Mhm," the Assessor crossed her arms and settled a glare on the Doctor. She already didn't like him very much, this would just fuel her hatred even more. "And for that, you need to hold hands?"
"We were just talking," the Doctor said quietly. He straightened himself up, figuring it was better for him to leave before Zuriah got into actual trouble. "And Zuriah told me I was finished for the day." He was on his way out when the Assessor called to him.
"And according to the records, you're going to be done with this place next week." She smirked when he stopped. His expression when he glanced back was almost akin to disheartening. "And then my sister will finally be free from you. We can give her wedding the full attention it deserves."
"Assessor, stop," Zuriah whispered, tugging on her sister's arm. She couldn't bear the Doctor's face because she knew that if roles were reversed, she would have had the same feelings. Neither of them liked talking about their respective betrothals, as if in keeping it away made them not real.
"I'm sure it'll be a lovely wedding," the Doctor said quietly and finally left the room.
"You didn't need to do that!" Zuriah exclaimed. "Why are you always so mean to him!?"
"Because every time I walk into this place he's always here, wasting your time!" the Assessor shouted.
"He helps me!"
"Yeah, get distracted! I have no proof, but I just know that he's responsible for the dozens of break ins into the Academy at night. This place is so close to it, right?"
"Oh, c'mon now! That means he'd have to be here late at night!"
"Yeah!" the Assessor looked directly into her sister's eyes, towering over Zuriah. "He would, wouldn't he?"
Zuriah swallowed hard. The way her sister was staring at her, almost as if she knew. "Cece, please-"
"Don't call me that," the Assessor snapped. "We are outside. Nicknames are atrocious and you know it."
Zuriah quickly nodded obediently. "Well, what you insinuate is ridiculous." She turned away from her sister and walked back to the table where the Doctor had left their book. "I just supervise his hours, that's it."
"It better be," the Assessor said, making it sound like a warning. "Because if anyone found out that you and him had a relationship-"
"We don't-"
"-this family would be in ruins! Your betrothal would be finished!"
"That's not going to happen because there's nothing!"
The Assessor studied Zuriah's face, searching for something but Zuriah once again turned away. "I hope you're telling me the truth," the Assessor once again warned.
"I am," Zuriah whispered, hiding her tears the best she could.
The Doctor had taken a seat across Martha. He felt a wave of fatigue washing over him and it wasn't because he'd been standing too long.
"Doctor, I know that it's hard getting over the fact that she lied, but have you thought about what this means for you?" Martha moved around the desk, coming to bend down beside his chair. Martha seemed so happy, but the Doctor couldn't find it in him to ask what she meant. "Doctor, it's Zuriah. She's here. She's alive and she's here. The universe is giving you a second chance to be happy."
"She has a point," Donna's input made the man turn his head at her. "You've told me how much it hurt to leave her behind, especially when...when your war was over. But she's alive."
"Yes, fine, that's all true but...how do I stop being angry?" the Doctor looked between the two women who, of course, couldn't answer his question. "Every time I talked about her, Renata kept quiet about it. She made the wrong choice...again! It's like every time we're so close to making things work...things get ruined. And in a disastrous way."
"Do it different this time," Martha straightened up. "Whatever happened in the past, let it go. Start new. You have the world at your doorstep - literally! You have everything you need to be happy with her."
"I don't know, Martha," the Doctor shook his head. As much as he wanted to think about being happy with Zuriah - Renata - he couldn't get over the anger that flourished. He thought about her continuous lies, one built after the other and it wouldn't stop.
Plus, the past...the past still hurt him.
"She refused me centuries ago," he whispered, voice still raw with pain despite the time that had passed. "I wanted to show her the world but she said no. And even this time when she came aboard, she didn't want it. I literally had to steal her."
"Now wait a minute," Donna put a hand over his shoulder, gripping it so that he would have to face her. "You may have stolen her but she made her decision to stay a long time ago. She's told you that too."
"Plus," Martha began, getting him to switch gazes in the process, "There's something you need to know about...the night you asked her to runaway with you." At the Doctor's questioning look, Martha elaborated. "There's a huge reason why she said no."
The Doctor had come into the charity to find Zuriah inside her favorite room: the library. She was enthralled with all the different books that had been recently donated. She always loved going through them before putting them out for their guests to see. Right now she was huddled in the corner of a table, a book nearly pressed her to nose. She didn't even notice him coming up to her chair, not until he surprised her with a kiss on the cheek.
"Gotcha!" he grinned at her shocked face.
"Can't you just say hello like a normal person?" she tried acting annoyed but her blush betrayed her.
"I'm not a normal person. I thought that was old news." Zuriah smiled and looked away. The Doctor then noticed that the book she was studying was a dictionary. "What are you looking at that for?"
"I'm...beginning to look for a new name," she explained. "My graduation is at the end of the month now and..."
"Has anything caught your attention?"
"I have...a couple ideas," Zuriah said quietly. The Doctor turned sideways, a smile spreading across his face. "What?"
"Are you going to share the ideas?"
"Well, it's a surprise! Plus, I'm a bit indecisive. There are so many names and titles to choose from."
The Doctor could agree there. It was a stressful moment in their lives. "I can help you," he offered.
"Actually, I could really use a break from this. I've been looking at books nonstop since this morning."
"Are you asking me to distract you?" The smirk on the Doctor's face was blush-worthy but Zuriah was too tired to pretend that she didn't like it.
"I'm asking you to take my mind off of this title choosing thing. Please?"
"Anything you want," he held his hand out for her to take. He pulled her up to his feet and right to him.
"Actually, before any of the distraction starts...I, um, I started writing your release forms for the community service."
That definitely made the Doctor pause. It wasn't like he wasn't aware that his community service was coming to an end, but he had made a good job not to think about it...even though it was next week.
"Next week...you're officially done," Zuriah said quietly. Her hands gripped his arms the more the silence stretched between them. She knew what he was thinking: reality was beginning to set...for real now.
"I...I guess that's good…" he cleared his throat, for a few minutes he was unable to look at her.
"It's supposed to be. Your record will be completely cleaned and-and you can move on from this place."
The Doctor looked at her in surprise. "Would...would you like for me to move on?"
Zuriah sighed. "It's what you're supposed to do. Doctor, we knew this was coming."
"I know but...I don't want it to end," the Doctor exhaled as he let that secret finally go. He couldn't fathom the idea of letting her go, not even for a second. "I-I want to stay with you. I want us to...to be together."
"Doctor, we know that can't happen," Zuriah smiled sadly at him.
"Maybe it can…"
"It can't. You're getting married at the end of next week," Zuriah felt her hearts break just thinking about that. He was going to marry someone that wasn't her. Someone else would get to be his wife.
"I don't want to," the Doctor shook his head, but Zuriah gently grabbed hold of his face. She was smiling so softly at him it just reiterated what he wanted. "I don't want to marry Asgari. I want to marry you."
"I'd love that, but...it just can't happen. We must do what our families want us to."
"But why? Why can't we be happy together?"
"Because...because it just can't be. But you," Zuriah's smile became strained as she went on, "I want you to be happy with Asgari. You can have an amazing lifetime with her. She's sweet and kind and...she can make you happy."
The Doctor shook his head again. He couldn't do it. He didn't want to do it. He gazed into Zuriah's kind eyes and wished he could wake up to those beautiful eyes of hers. What he would give to be that lucky and be her husband. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," Zuriah said back, taking note that this would be one of their final moments together. So when the Doctor kissed her, she accepted it. He held her tightly in his arms. She had such a petite form that she easily fit in his arms. They let minutes and minutes pass before they pulled away. "I think you should leave early today," Zuriah said afterwards. "Help us cement our reality for next week."
The Doctor wouldn't argue then because he wasn't thinking straight. He needed to go home and really ask himself what he wanted to do. So, he took off.
Zuriah took a moment to herself, trying to ease her tremors of the future. She was just as heartbroken as he was, but one of them needed to appear strong.
"I knew it."
Zuriah froze in her spot.
"I knew you were lying, Zuriah!" the Assessor had come in with a fury no Time Lord wanted to be on the receiving end of.
"Her sister found out?" the Doctor was stunned to hear the revelation. He couldn't straightaway believe it. Zuriah...Zuriah would've told him...right?
"The Assessor knew exactly what was going on between you two," Martha confirmed, more like insisted. She couldn't let him walk out of her office without knowing the full story that Renata wasn't ever going to say.
"Well that's plain mean," Donna scrunched her face. "Her own sister ruined her life?"
Martha nodded her head. "The Assessor forced Renata to make the choice she did, alright?"
"But how?" the Doctor rubbed his face with a new sense of weariness washing over him. These were things Renata could've told him but no...she preferred to keep things a secret. It's how she was raised, he remembered. It was a terrible way to live, yes, but he couldn't just get over what she did.
"How do you think, Doctor?" Martha's face softened with sympathy. "Renata loved her family, she valued them...what do you think the Assessor did to get her to say 'no' to you?"
Zuriah was in tears. The Assessor had shouted how ridiculous she was being, how immoral she was being. What was she supposed to argue in defense? Everything about her relationship with the Doctor was wrong, but then why was she so in love with him?
"Being in love - give me a break!" the Assessor glared at her younger sister. "How could you be so stupid to fall for a man like that!?"
"You don't know him-"
"Oh I know him! And I cannot believe you would put our family under this shame! Imagine if Elek's family found out? If Elek himself found out!?"
"I'm sorry," Zuriah sniffed. "But it just happened and I couldn't control myself."
"You're damn right, you couldn't! Mom and Dad did not raise you to be this wicked! Think about them, Zuriah! What would they say about you if they found out?"
"I don't know…" Zuriah didn't even want to imagine her parents' reaction. It was why she'd strove never to think about things from this angle.
"The shame you will bring us-"
"Cece, it's ending-"
"Don't call me that!" the Assessor yelled, making Zuriah flinch. "We are in public, dammit!"
"Look, it's all over anyways! He's done here next week and...he's marrying Asgari next week. It's over."
"You're damn right it's over," the Assessor walked straight up to Zuriah, forcing the younger sister to backtrack a few steps but was the Assessor still towered over like a child. "Because if you agree to leave Elek for the Doctor, I will make sure he ends up in prison. And I will make sure that this charity is over!"
"You can't do that!" Zuriah exclaimed. "The Doctor's done nothing wrong! He's paid his debt for the small misdemeanor! And this is my charity, you have no say over what I do with it!"
There came a wicked smile on her sister's face, one that Zuriah had never seen. "I'm part of the High Council and I just know that people wouldn't mind finally putting an end to the Doctor's rampages. And as for this charity? It's a joke."
Zuriah's eyes filled with fresh tears. "Please don't do anything to him. He's-he's a good man."
"Can't be that good of a man if he's having an affair. And I have to say the same for you: you are a liar, Zuriah. You're a cheater."
"I know…"
"You better let this relationship die before you hurt this family. If you continue this, you will lose the entire family and I don't think you can live without them...can you?" the Assessor took pleasure seeing Zuriah's conflicted face. She was making a good point. "Think about how much you'll hurt Mom and Dad. Is that what you want? To hurt them?"
"N-no, never!"
"Then end this relationship. End it for the family...and if you don't, the Doctor will be over faster than you can say his own name. Have you got that?"
Zuriah nodded in a shaky manner. She wiped the tears off her face and promised to do what was asked of her.
"She sounded like a right old bi…" Donna held her tongue for the sake of not talking ill about the dead, but boy did she really want to finish that sentence.
Martha seemed to understand. "I know. It was a terrible thing to do. Right, Doctor?"
The man was still too stunned to string words together. He was processing - there was a lot to process. He never even suspected that the Assessor could have found out about him and Zuriah. He'd always been too hurt to think about his last meeting with Zuriah, he couldn't bring himself to come up with reasons why she would refuse him except because of her family. And he hadn't been that wrong - the Assessor had played a huge part in Zuriah's behavior. He had loved her so much and it had hurt him like hell when she shouted at him that she would never travel with him.
"I need to go see her!" He bolted from his chair and left in such a hurry that Donna nearly fell back from his wind trail.
"I guess I'm staying here then!" She called after him, but it wasn't like he had heard her. With a resigned sigh, Donna glanced at Martha. "Can I get a lift home? Haven't been back in a while."
Martha smiled and nodded her head. "I'll go see about that."
Donna was left alone for a few minutes. She ended up wandering a bit out of the office. She never did learn what the inside of a UNIT HQ looked like. It was busy as ever! Employees were bringing in different humanoids no doubt alien by some of the distinct features Donna caught.
It wasn't until she caught sight of an Asian woman sitting in the corner of a hallway. She was sitting rather lonesomely and since no one was paying her any attention, she seemed to just blend in with the place. She looked human enough. She wore what looked like traditional Chinese clothing. "Are you waiting for someone too?" Donna stopped by.
The woman smiled and nodded her head. "Yes."
"Mind if I wait with you, then? My friend's sort of run off on me - getting the girl and whatnot - and now I'm waiting for a car to get home."
"Of course, sit," the woman scooted down the bench. She secretly stole a glance of Donna. "Would you like me to read your fortune?"
Donna shook her head. "No thanks."
"Don't you want to know - if you're going to be happy?"
"I'm actually happy right now, thanks."
"But you are waiting, aren't you? What better way to pass the time than having your fortune read."
Donna shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. All right, then." She held her hands out and watched the woman trace her fingers over her palms.
"You're fascinating! Oh no, but you're good. I can see... a man. A woman."
"Very remarkable," Donna agreed.
"How did you meet them?"
"You're supposed to tell me!"
The woman just smiled and went on. At the same time, she gave a secret nod as if something else was watching them. "I see the future. Tell me the past. When did your lives cross?"
"It's sort of complicated. I ended up in the Doctor's spaceship on my wedding day. I met him first."
The woman seemed to understand and pushed further about the Doctor. "But what led you to that meeting?"
"All sorts of things. But my job, I suppose. It was on Earth... this planet called Earth, miles away. But I had this job as a temp. I was a secretary at this place called H.C. Clements." And for a brief moment Donna felt like she'd been pulled right back to that moment. She shook her head fast. "Sorry, I-I don't know what happened."
"This job of yours - what choices led you there?" the woman continued fast. She was looking at something behind Donna then, but the ginger didn't notice.
"There was a choice... six months before. The agency offered me this contract with H.C. Clements."
"Your life could have gone one way or the other. What made you decide?"
"I just did."
"But when was the moment? When did you choose?"
Donna wasn't sure if she liked how pushy this woman was. There was something about her look too that didn't sit well with her.
"But what if you turned right? What then?"
"How did you know I turned left?" Donna found herself asking. She had only mentioned the jobs, never the fact that each job laid on the left and right of where she lived. "Let...let go of my hands. I think we're done. I need to find Martha."
But the woman gripped Donna's hand. A sinister smile spread across her face. "Silly humans. You're always so gullible."
"Who-who are you!?"
"They thought they could capture me but I let myself get captured." The woman pulled Donna forwards. "They brought me right to the source of humans in this building."
"Let go! Let go right now!" Donna shrieked when she felt something climbing up her back. It was making a constant clicking noise but no matter how much she turned she couldn't see it. "What's on my back? What is it? What- what's on my back?"
The woman had gotten more vicious as she held onto Donna's hand for dear life. "Make the choice again, Donna Noble, and change your mind. Turn right."
As much as Donna tried to pull her hands from the woman, she just couldn't. In fact, the effort seemed to start fading as her vision blurred. "I'm...turning...right…"
And she knew no more.
~ 0 ~
Gabby didn't know whether to be in awe of feel fury for what she just learned. She watched as Renata calmly sipped the last of her coffee in bed and wondered how the hell she could be so calm when her sister practically helped destroy her life.
"How could your sister do that to you?" She finally found the words that wouldn't outright curse the Assessor. "She-she blackmailed you."
"She didn't blackmail me, she...she just gave me a choice," Renata gripped her mug. "And I made the wrong one."
"No, Renata, she blackmailed you. She…" Gabby needed to calm herself down so that she could get her words out in one go. She switched from her chair to the bed. "Renata, she told you to refuse the Doctor or she would hurt him. She was going to end your charity! And she manipulated you with your family - she made you think that she was doing it for family but...she was blackmailing you." And suddenly, Gabby loved her older sister, Blanca, even more. No matter how many arguments they had, nothing compared to what happened between Renata and the Assessor. "That's not what a sister does."
"But she was my sister," Renata said in a resigned tone. She had long ago decided that. "She was my only sister and I didn't want to lose her nor my family. I confess...that I was scared. I was a scared girl who didn't want to lose her sister nor her parents."
"And that's understandable," Gabby promised her. "Nobody wants to lose their family if they have something to say about it, but you have to listen to me. What your sister did was unforgivable. She made you feel like you were stuck between 2 walls."
"But I was," Renata lowered her mug to her lap. "I had the Doctor on one side and my family on the other. No matter what the Assessor did...it was always going to end that way. I would have to choose...and I chose. And I stupidly-" her eyes became glossy fairly fast, "-had the audacity to hope that the Doctor would come back and fight for me. I was selfish to think that, and for a while I was really mad at him for leaving. It was like...if I was angry with him then it would hurt less and I could move on. But, the truth was, I was at fault."
"Yes, but the circumstances led you there!" Gabby desperately wanted Renata to see it from her angle and then maybe, just maybe, Renata would be able to let go of some of her guilt. "No one should have to make the choice you were forced to."
Renata wanted to believe in Gabby's words, believe that she wasn't completely terrible...but the centuries of time had given Renata much to think about.
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. "Renata, can I come in?"
Renata's eyes widened with the Doctor's voice. Helplessly she turned gazes to Gabby, but the girl was one step ahead of her (whether Renata wanted her to be or not).
"Yes, come in!" Gabby exclaimed and jumped from the bed.
"Gabby!" Renata hissed but she was already halfway out the room.
"She's all yours!" she practically pushed the Doctor further ahead then shut the door behind her.
Excitement flourished through Gabby as she made her way to the console room. She didn't know what Donna told the Doctor to get him to speak with Renata but she had to know she was the best person ever!
"Donna!" she called as soon as she made it to the console. I don't know what you said to the Doctor but it worked! They're talking! They're…" Gabby trailed off once she realized that Donna wasn't around. "Donna?" Silence. Gabby came up to the console and looked at the rotor. She learned by now that actually talking to the rotor was a thing. "Hey, uh, TARDIS...where's Donna?"
The TARDIS hummed but Gabby wouldn't understand, so the monitor's screen came to life. Gabby scooted over to see the screen scanning for Donna but coming up with no results. "She's not here? Well...then where is she?" The TARDIS hummed again and this time the monitor's screen switched to show her the planet Earth. Gabby laughed. "Oh I get it, the Doctor left her there. He's gonna get it when we pick her up." The TARDIS hummed a response and Gabby was really sure that the box was agreeing with her.
~ 0 ~
"You went to see Martha?" Renata was genuinely surprised to hear that her best friend had become a somewhat intermediary between her and the Doctor.
"I, uh, I needed to understand," the Doctor walked a few steps around the room, still unsure of what he should be doing. "I needed to understand how she could know everything and not tell me…"
Renata straightened her upper body so that she was sitting in bed. "You shouldn't blame her at all. I literally threatened her to keep quiet."
The Doctor inwardly sighed to himself. Of course she would do that. "I'm...I'm just so confused, Renata. And I'm mad."
"You have every right to be. River was right - I am a terrible woman. A liar."
The Doctor wanted to argue that she wasn't, but he couldn't do it with all his hearts in it. No, he did not think she was a terrible woman...but he couldn't really see himself defending her at the moment. He was too hurt. "Why?" He found himself asking and since he'd said it in such a low whisper, he had to repeat it so that Renata could hear him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Renata sucked in a shuddering breath. Her head would turn as if she wanted to shake it as a 'no', but she didn't know what to do. "Because...because I...I didn't see the point-" when the Doctor scoffed in offence, she jumped on her explanation, "-because I didn't think you and I would ever see each other after 1913!"
"And when we did? Why'd you keep quiet, then?"
"Because you had buried me a long time ago and I didn't...want to see you go through this right now."
"Oh, so you did it for me?" the Doctor's sarcasm was enough to make her flinch. "Should I be thankful?"
"I didn't want to hurt you like I did in the past - I was trying to keep us from doing this again," Renata gestured between herself and the Doctor, something that just angered him even more.
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
"I meant this - us! I meant us!" Renata frantically shouted, making the Doctor pause for a moment. "Because it doesn't work out for us when we try to be happy together! It didn't work then and it for sure won't work today."
The Doctor finally came up to the side of her bed, taking the seat Gabby had left. "Well I know exactly why we didn't work back then. Martha told me that too." Renata seemed to freeze in her bed. "The Assessor."
Renata looked fearful then. She flickered her gaze to the night stand instead. "My sister is dead. Leave her alone, please."
"I can't believe you'd still want to defend her after...what she did!"
"I'm not defending her, Doctor, but she is - was - my sister. Despite everything, my family was my family and I loved them."
"But how could you say that about...her? Don't you remember?"
Fresh tears rolled from Renata's eyes. "Of course I do," she faintly whispered. "I remember it everyday."
Zuriah wanted to avoid seeing anyone tonight. She couldn't fathom the idea of having to pretend like she was okay, like she was completely happy...when the truth was her hearts were so close to breaking into pieces. Every once in awhile she would silently wipe some loose tears off her face and keep moving around her bookshelves to organize the books. She just had to keep distracting herself because if she was distracted, then she could pretend reality isn't...real. And things would be okay.
But it could never be that easy.
"Zuriah?" the Doctor stood under the room's threshold. He was jittery - even more than he would usually be - but there was an air of overwhelming nervousness.
"What-what are you...what are you doing here?" Zuriah said as he rushed towards her. "Your community service finished days ago and-"
"-I had to see you!" the Doctor wrapped her in a big hug. A few days without seeing her had been hell. He couldn't do anything and much less think about anything that wasn't her. And for that reason alone, he managed to come up with an idea.
"No!" Zuriah pulled away from him. The temptation to kiss him when they were that close was too much. "You can't be here - what are you doing here? You're…" she lost her voice for a second when she realized what she was about to say. She swallowed hard and forced herself, little by little, to say it and perhaps climb aboard their true reality. "You're...getting married tomorrow."
The Doctor almost shuddered. "I don't want to. That's why I'm here."
"What?"
"I know how we can be together, Zuriah. I've figured it out."
"What? You...what!?" Zuriah blinked madly while the Doctor went on with his oh-so plan.
"Yes, just listen to me because we don't have a lot of time!" he grabbed her arms, squeezing them. "Remember all those times we talked about traveling? Seeing what was out there in person?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"-let's do that!"
"What!?"
"Let's go travel, Zuriah. Let's leave Gallifrey!"
"What!?"
The Doctor knew it was a lot to ask for, and even more so when they didn't have enough time to discuss it properly. "I don't want to marry Asgari, and you don't want to marry your betrothed, so let's not get married! Let's get out of here!"
Zuriah was, by now, tired of saying 'what' and not asking the right questions. "What you're saying is completely mad! You're asking me to run away with you!?"
"Yes! That's exactly what I'm saying we should do!"
"Doctor, that's not...what? We can't just get up and go! That's mad even for you!"
"Zuriah, I know it's a lot to ask for but, I...there's no other way." He gently took hold of her and brought her up to him. "I thought of every other option and...this is it. It's all we've got and I...I can't lose you. I love you." He placed a soft kiss on her lips, one that had her melting in his arms.
"I love you too," she whispered when he rested his forehead against hers.
"Let's go," he begged her in a whisper. "Runaway with me. We'll be together and we'll see everything the universe has to show us."
Zuriah closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Her sister's words came rushing back through her mind. 'Because if you agree to leave Elek for the Doctor, I will make sure he ends up in prison. And I will make sure that this charity is over!'. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't do that to him. He'd have to live his life as if he were a criminal, and he was far from that. He deserved to live in peace, to live happily.
Even if they left Gallifrey, if they went to the end of the universe, the Assessor would come for them both. Zuriah knew her sister like the back of her hand. When the Assessor was crossed, there was nothing stopping her from getting revenge. Being part of the Higher Council had long ago given her the feeling of superiority. There was also her family. The Assessor was also right there: if she ran away with the Doctor, her family would be destroyed. Could she do that to them? Be that selfish? She loved them so much, she didn't want to hurt any of them...not even her sister.
"Zuriah?" the Doctor called to her. "We have to leave now. What do you say?" He was so hopeful that in that moment, Zuriah despised herself.
"...we can't do this," she said quietly and watched how his face slowly fell. "My family...they would be ruined...and I would destroy their hearts in the process. Plus...I can't do that to my betrothed. He's been nothing but kind to me. And think about Asgari? How would she feel if we did this?"
"I'd be doing her a favor. She's going to marry someone who doesn't love her and you're doing the same thing!"
"But I can't go!" Zuriah exclaimed, pushing him away from her. "My family is important to me - they always have been! I can't just...leave them!"
"So you're choosing them?" the Doctor drew in a deep breath, nodding to himself.
Zuriah closed her eyes. "I'm choosing to keep you happy and well." She didn't want her sister to bring a full fleet after him, and she would.
"I can't be 'happy and well' if you're not with me!"
"Well you're going to have to learn how! I'm not running away with you! I can't!"
"Zuriah-"
"I SAID NO!" Zuriah shouted with fresh new tears in her eyes. Her hearts were breaking a thousand times seeing the despondence finally strike his face. "You and I can't run away!"
"So you'd rather be here, stuck in an endless void of unhappiness? Married off to someone you barely know?"
"Doctor, I'm trying to do what's best," Zuriah's promise meant nothing to him. All he knew was that the girl he loved was breaking his hearts. "You need to go," Zuriah said and mostly for herself because she was tempted to forget everything…
But she couldn't, not if she wanted the Doctor to be her sister's target for eternity.
"Zuriah…" the Doctor tried touching her face but she pushed his hand away.
"I said go!" she yelled. "You need to go right now! And don't come back again! Just go! GO!"
The Doctor's eyes were glossy with tears and before he shed them he turned away.
In the present day, both Renata and the Doctor still got teary-eyed with the memory.
"The selfish part of me - or the even more selfish part of me - is that I still had hope that you would come back and insist," Renata admitted in a quiet voice. "That you would insist and fight for me. But that was stupid. And far too selfish."
"I did think about it," the Doctor admitted, making her eyes flicker his way. "The day of my wedding...I thought about coming back for you...but I figured 'what's the point?' You had already made your choice. And I tried looking for you afterwards, I don't know what I would've done if I had found you, but I looked...I just couldn't find you."
"I had an accident shortly afterwards," Renata confessed. "I was too distraught and distracted to notice anything. It too deadly. I had to regenerate right before my graduation. And I figured that was the best opportunity to start anew. So I picked a name that I hadn't told you about. Renata. It means 'to be reborn'. And that's exactly what I wanted...to start new."
"Well congratulations, you did a very good job," the Doctor wasn't sure if his tone was too sharp but he couldn't find it in him to care.
Renata lowered her gaze. "I'm so sorry, Doctor. I've always wanted to say that, to apologize for what I did that night. I truly never wanted to hurt you, but my sister...my family…"
"You could have told me about the Assessor - I could take care of myself!"
"I was scared!" she exclaimed.
"And I wanted to protect you! I wanted to take care of you, Renata! I wanted to love you and spend my entire lives with you!"
"Well I'm sorry. I have never been able to make a good choice - I've always been too much of a coward. And I've caused too much pain."
The Doctor brought a hand to his forehead, rubbing at his skin to take the headache away. "I just...we could've had such different lives together." They would have been amazing together, he knew it. Or was he lying to himself just to prop up his own side? If Renata had come along with him she would've never been able to see her family again. She would've lost them completely and with them, Gallifrey. All for him.
That...sounded selfish.
His family had never been the best and he honestly didn't really see them much after he married. The only true things he cared for after marriage were his own children. So, leaving his family instead of getting married was an easier option for him...for him. Renata had always loved her family, even if they weren't the best, and she loved what she did on Gallifrey. She loved her job. She had things tying her to Gallifrey before marriage, he had not. On some level, it was an unfair choice between them.
"But if I had just known about the Assessor...I could've…"
"Done what?" Renata wearily asked. "I was raised to be family oriented. You know that. I loved them and I would do anything for them."
The Doctor couldn't help the scoff that slipped from his mouth. She sure proved that one. She gave up her own happiness for them.
"I don't know what to tell you, Doctor, that could make any of this better. I can only apologize profusely for what I did," Renata drew in another breath. Her stomach wouldn't stop churning at the thought of what he wanted to do next. Well, she had a good idea and it wasn't like it would be completely misplaced. The only thing she could do was get ahead of it and make things easier for him.
"I can leave," she said, trying to sound as calm as possible. "I can leave the TARDIS, give you your space back."
"Renata…" the Doctor wasn't sure that was the best plan, but as it turned out, he didn't exactly have a plan of what to do next. He was too hurt, too angry. "I don't...I don't…"
"It's okay," she assured him. "It's only fair. You need time to really process everything and...maybe later on we can talk without too much anger between us."
The Doctor was just about to say something - though what he would say even he didn't really know - when the TARDIS gave a terrible jolt. Renata yelped as she nearly fell off her bed. The Doctor, however, did fall off his chair, but he popped right back up and frantically scanned the room for any immediate threats.
"What was that!?" Renata scrambled to get her hair out of her face.
"I don't know!" the Doctor bolted out of the room, leaving Renata to do the same. The two were in the console in less than a minute and found Gabby just as concerned as they were.
"What happened!?" Renata rushed to to the girl.
"I-I don't know! One minute I'm just looking at the screen-" Gabby gestured at the monitor that was black again, "-and then the next, the TARDIS just shook! And look!" She pointed at the jar underneath the console holding the Doctor's severed hand. It was glowing again.
"The last time it did that it was...when Jenny…" Renata felt a terrible pit in her stomach.
"Let me see," the Doctor pulled Gabby out of the way to get to the monitor. He went through it fairly fast and made a horrifying discovery. "The Earth... it's gone!"
Author's Note:
HERE. WE. GO.
See what I mean about doing things different with the Turn Left & Stolen Earth? I don't know if anyone sees the Flash but there's this character (my dear Leonard Snart) that really explained his planning process as: "Make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan" and that is EXACTLY what happened here. I originally had this entire thing going in a different way, starting with the end of the Library and then suddenly I started writing it like this...I wanted things to go like this, needed them to. So...it happened.
But now we also learned what really made Renata decide not to run away with the Doctor that night. The Assessor played her best cards for that one. And I purposely chose Martha to be the one to explain it to the Doctor because Renata's personality would not have been brave enough to tell him. Martha would have no problem doing it.
So just a little announcement, if anyone cares, I'm actually going back to work tomorrow (also my birthday, on a gloomy Monday, so it's bittersweet because I gotta be up before 7 a.m boooo) so these updates might be a little more sporadic. I mean, it might not even make a difference since my hours could be different with all this corona regulations so who knows. But I just didn't anyone to think I suddenly abandoned the story. (I've had that happen with other authors and it was always so horrible .)
P. S: As always, I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.
For the Reviews:
HannahHPandDWfanJones: Trust me, I did NOT like writing that scene but...it had to happen. Will, Renata didn't but that's what her dear old friend Martha did for her! Thank you and I hope you liked the new chapter!
afionna262: Don't scared! I mean, I'm not gonna lie there is some angst up ahead but...it has to get better right?
savethemadscientist: Oooh, is Renata dying or not is going to be a big thing in these later chapters. You'll just have to wait and see! ;). Poor Doctor is just so angry and hurt, really no other way to be when he's learned all of that. Yeah the rest of the story is going to be written differently from the specials but I hope all good to you guys. And thanks! That moment is, up to date, my favorite scene I've written in the next story. Glad you liked it! :)
DarkSideofParis: Ahaha that moment was too hilarious for me. I figured that after so much time with the Doctor, he would eventually make her snap and it was that incarnation to do it xD. I always suffer writing River's plot but I guess it's also a good source of exercise for the brain trying to figure out what to do with her xD. I mean, in some way, River kind of pushed them together she just didn't realize it. The next time Renata sees her will be more different since she won't be confused with River's presence, but she might still struggle with River's words. And once again thank you!
lexicaruso: Yup, she finally got the courage to go it, too bad the Doctor's that mad with her (totally understandable though). So sorry for the confusion but nope, this story will end with The End of Time episodes. As to what the status of their reltionship will be in season 5...you'll have to wait and see :). Thank you so much for reading! Hope you like what's to come!
titieli: Yeah i think it was about time she finally spoke up, God knows the Doctor deserved that. Yeah, I'm not that big of a fan of hers but I do try to change her story each time I write her. Like she's been made super important in the other 2 DW stories of mine and I thought it'd be fun to go entirely different for this one. But what that'll be is a secret for now ;). Of course Gabby and Donna would try to help them out, they're such a team and later on that becomes really important for Gabby (in what way I shall not say). Seriously, thank you so much! Stick around for the next chapter!
Guest: Eeeee thanks so much! I tried not to take so long but there's so many stories to edit (because I'm a helpless writer, oh well!). Oh my God really? It's too sad that I can't go back to it. The one where the Doctor tells her there's no more time lords to marry really got me and I'm the one who wrote it ..
Kalniczanka: Yup, it's happening! I hope you're ready!