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Mount Paozu

Caulifla: (kicks down Gokū's door) "I'm breaking & entering!"

Gokū: (standing outside) "You're breaking & entering!"

(Caulifla proceeds to get kicked out)

Gokū: "Sorry. Wanna go train?"

Caulifla: (shrugs) "Eh, okay."

(Kinto'un nyooms over the horizon)

~DRAAAGON SOUL!~

Kame House

Gokū: "We're here to train!"

Rōshi: "Bring me a thot!"

Kuririn: "I'm the kiss-ass during this arc!"

Caulifla: "Shut up you kiss-ass!"

Rōshi: "Thot! Now!"

Gokū, Caulifla, & Kuririn: "Okay."

(Kinto'un nyoom)

Police: "You're under arrest, thot!"

Blonde Lunch: "I'm not a thot!" (sneezes) "What she said!"

(Gokū & crew drop down, caulifla landing face first)

Gokū: "Found a thot!"

Kuririn: "WOOHOO!"

Caulifla: (still lying face down) "F**k my life…"

(Kinto-Nyoom)

Random Island

Rōshi: "Find this rock!"

Gokū: (fires Kamehameha) "Shoop da whoop!"

Caulifla: (sparkly look of anime amazement) "Sugoi! Hand lasers!"

Kuririn: "Found the rock! Can we do the montage?"

Rōshi: "Yep!"

Spongebob Narrator: "8 months later…"

Rōshi: "Tournament time!"

Papaya Island

Announcer: "Here's the roster!"

(displays roster with Caulifla as the winner)

Cauilfla: "The f**k?!"

Gokū: "I'm going apeshit!"

(Gokū turns Oozaru)

Kuririn: "Oh no! Gokū's going apeshit!"

Caulifla: "Tail hug!"

(Gokū stops going apeshit)

Gokū: "Technically it's monkeyshit."

Caulifla: "Whatever."

Gokū: "Wanna find the things?"

Caulifla: "Eh, okay."

(Kinto-Nyoom)

(Red Ribbon goons lying unconscious in the background)

Gokū: "Cool, we found a thing."

Caulifla: "I'm cold."

(Gokū now stuck in an ice cube)

Cozy house in Jingle Village

Caulifla: "Now I'm nice and toasty. -w-"

Blonde Lunch: (to the tune of the Game Grumps intro) "Hey I'm Lunch!"

Blue Lunch: "I'm not so Luuuunch!"

Both Lunch: "Aaaaand Weeeee're the Game Lunch!"

Gokū: (long pause) "Cool. Let's raid that tower."

(several smash cuts of Muscle Tower getting OWNED)

Eighter: "I'm a friend."

Caulifla: "Oh, cool."

General White: "Well I'm not!"

Gokū: "Not cool!"

(Gokū proceeds to kick General White into orbit)

(Smash cut to happy Jingle Village)

Gokū: "We got another thing!"

Caulifla: "Let's visit Bulma!"

Gokū: "Why?"

Caulifla: (shrugs) "I 'unno."

(Kinto-Nyoom)

Caulifla: "WE'RE NOT DATING!"

Bulma: "You sure?"

Gokū: "Prolly not."

(Kinto-Nyoom)

Bulma: "The thing's underwater!"

Gokū: "Kuririn has a boat!"

Caulifla: "How do you know?"

Gokū: (intense ominous stare) "I read the manga…"

Kuririn: "I'm on a boat Motherfu-"

Blonde Lunch: "That's my line! I'm taking the wheel."

Pirate Cave

Gokū: "Whoa, a pirate cave!"

(General Blue hops out of water)

Bulma: "Whoa! A pretty boy!"

General Blue: "Mmmmm!~"

Bulma: "Ah crap, he's gay."

General Blue: "F**K YOUR STEREOTYPES!"

(Cave collapses)

(Bubble pops next to duo of pelicans)

Pelican 1: (disgusted) "...Nice." (flies away)

Gokū: "Aw man, I lost two of the things!"

Caulifla: "You dumbass!"

(Kinto-Nyoom)

Tao Pai Pai: (with the voice of the TF2 Spy) "Gentlemen..."

Upa: "You killed my dad!"

Karin (from way up high on his tower) "Senzu bean!"

(3 seconds pass before two beans fall on Gokū and Caulifla's heads)

(TF2 Ubercharge effect as they dismantle the assassin)

Gokū: "That's for sappin' our sentry!"

Caulifla: "Time to go fight the OG Napolitler!"

(Smash cut to Red Ribbon HQ)

Red: "I'm the OG Napolitler! I wanna be taller!"

(Staff Officer Black shoots red)

Black: "And I want leadership that makes sense."

(cue laugh track and Seinfeld music)

(Gokū and Caulifla smash through window)

Gokū: "Give us the things!"

Black: "What happened to the guards?!"

(smash cut to all the Red Ribbon guards absolutely demolished)

Caulifla: "Give us the things!"

Black: "No!"

(Cue Transformers sound effect as he boards mech)

Gokū: "Zap!"

(Mech poofs out of air)

Checka: "And we're here too!"

Gebo: "Bird is the word."

Gokū: "We can't find the last thing!"

Rōshi: "Call Miss Cleo!"

Uranai Baba's Palace

Baba: "You jackass!"

Gokū: "Where's the thing?"

Baba: "Money, or fight."

Kuririn: "Dibs!"

(Kuririn Owned Counter: DING!)

Lunch: "Dibs!"

(DOUBLE KILL)

Yamcha: "Dibs!"

(Yamcha gets a mummy arm through the chest)

Kuririn: "Senzu bean!"

Yamcha: (whimpers like a little bitch)

Caulifla: "I'm up next!"

(Mummy defeated then Caulifla trolls Devil)

Caulifla: "Alright, bored."

Gokū: "My turn!"

(Demon gets one-shotted)

Gohan in disguise: "Me next!"

Gokū: "Do I know you?"

Gohan: (removes mask) "Yes."

Gokū: "Yay! Closure!"

Gohan: "Check out the bamboo place back home. Your spaceship is waiting."

Caulifla: "Wait wha-?"

Gohan: "Nevermind! Bye!"

(POP)

(smash cut to Pilaf crew)

Pilaf: "I'm gonna rule the world! AHAHAHAHA-"

(Gokū bitch-slaps Pilaf)

Gokū: (with stern finger pointing) "Stop it. Stop it. Okay? Alright."

Caulifla: "Dragon time!"

Karin Sanctuary

Shenlong: (summoned) "Who dis?"

Upa: "Bring my dad back!"

Shenlong: "Done."

Bora: "AGH! THERE'S DIRT IN MY EYES!"

Baba's Palace

Rōshi: "Travel the world without Kinto'un!"

Gokū & Caulifla: "Okay!"

Mount Paozu

Gokū: "Bamboo time!"

(Gokū touches space pod, inception music plays with stereotypical transcendence meme imagery)

Gokū: "I'm an alien!"

Caulifla: "You're an alien?!"

Gokū: "You're an alien too!"

Caulifla: "HOLY SHIT!" (runs away)

Menra Village Ruins

Gokū: "Sorry."

Caulifla: "I'm an alien!"

Gokū: "A cool alien!"

"Caulifla: (shrugs) "Eh, okay."

(the two run off into the sunset)

Tsuru Dojo

Chi-Chi: "Train me!"

Tsuru-Sennin: "No."

Chi-Chi: "I hate turtles!"

Tsuru-Sennin: "Your room's down the hall to the left."

(cue credits)

~DRAAAGON SOOOOOOOUUUUL!~

LastationLover5000: (at his computer) "Who would read this?!"

Demod20: "I 'unno. It's kinda cool."

(Disclaimer: LastationLover5000 and Demod20 represented here are not accurate to the type of people they are. Go check out Erased Chronicles, Heart of Adventurers, and Perfect Tournament. Good reads, though the long waits left me with blue balls.)

A/N: Okay, I wanted to make this special purely as a shitpost referencing TeamFourStar's Dragon Ball Z Kai Abridged, so I apologize if this nonsense was not what you expected. I had the idea in relation to LasationLover5000's and Demod20's co-written fic, and decided to use it for my own. And before you ask, yes I know this is the third consecutive chapter update this weekend, but this was meant to be a silly one with little effort and purely for laughs. After this I will take a small, 2 week break from this story before I pick it up again. I apologize for the difference in formatting, being a transcript more than anything, but I hope this was a fun read.