Chapter 30

Jumper

Emma was released from the hospital about three or four days later. Sure she was still bruised and sore from the accident so she was prescribed painkillers but her mom promised she'd heavily monitor the use. She shared with her mom that she was having nightmares about the shooting and Sean's suggestion to see a therapist and shortly Emma's family set her up with an appointment.

It was then revealed that Sauve had confided in Snake a few weeks earlier that there were things she wasn't able to help Emma conquer and this is a step in the right direction. She will still see Suave but mostly share her experiences with her therapist.

Emma no longer sees herself as a victim, or a bad person or defective but someone who is a work in progress, a metamorphosis of sorts. With an improved relationship with her parents, friends, and boyfriend she feels like she can make it through, whatever it takes.

She knows she'll experience setbacks but she's reclaiming her life little by little. Trauma will less directly affect her and she believes it'd get easier to cope with time. She can't go back to who she was before the shooting, but only move forward. No longer is Emma little miss save the world but rather just Emma pushing through the world. This brush with death and danger wasn't a life she wanted for herself, for awhile she was punishing herself for what had happened in that hallway after Whack your Brain. She wanted to move on from the past and she knows she's capable. As for Amy, she is currently serving time for drunk driving at the alternative school for juveniles and is spending half days at Degrassi community school and house arrest at night. She has a curfew. She happened to see Amy at her locker when she returned to school when she returned to school, "Hi, um I wanted to thank you for calling when you did."

"Anytime, Nelson. Sure I've got this trendy anklet I can't take off but I needed something to kick me into high gear right?" Emma wordlessly agreed, "I need to be sober. I'm going to AA meetings twice a week. I have a sponsor, who has been really helpful. I really don't want to end up like my family."

"I get that, well hope to see you around."

"You will." Amy softly smiled before resuming grabbing her books for her program before she gets transported. There's even hope for Amy too to turn her life around and if Amy can do it albeit by force Emma's departing on this journey rich by friends.

It was finally night and Sean came by to pick Emma up for the last ravine party of the year. It was a bonfire theme, but it usually is a fire anyhow but it's an overnighter. "Thanks for picking me up," Emma without thinking buckled up her seatbelt in Sean's red car.

"I told you I would be here. What are friends for?"

Emma was skeptical about Sean. She was unconvinced, "Who are you and what happened to Sean?"

"I'm turning over a new leaf, sue me it's sort of contagious I mean look at you. You're changing and growing, it's a good thing. Nothing lasts forever you once told me. Jealousy isn't a good look on me and besides Em, I'll get over it."

"I want you to know I don't ever want to lose you as my friend. I never got to really thank you. I had a funny way of showing it but I'm grateful to have my life back." Emma told him candidly as they arrived at Bennett Park.

"Well we're friends and that's the important part."

Jay was in his old spot by that picnic table by the fire as they walked down the hill waiting for Emma. Emma ran to him and he to her as he lifted her and swung her into a huge hug like out of a movie. He passionately kissed her as everyone there cheered and Sean just stood and watched somewhat uncomfortably. He couldn't turn off his feelings but he also knew that he had to let go, for his own peace and sanity. She moved on, why couldn't he? Friends for Emma, is something she'd never take for granted and she's glad finally after so many years Sean and her could be on the same page.

It was true that Sean's entire life with Emma flashed before his blue-green eyes when they were in certain danger, faced with the fact one of them wouldn't come back around or make it through it but they did. Although the two friends, two formally romantic friends were able to see a future where they were no longer romantic, rivals, and merely just platonic friends. It would take some time getting used to for Sean. Sure he had dated Ellie and Amy back to back and Emma never got a chance to truly move on for herself not that that was an excuse just an observation of their relationship history.

For Emma, it was somewhat liberating to leave Sean's love in the past. He'd only remind her of the past and past trauma. She clung to him for years because he was familiar and her first true love. Sean still makes her feel familiar and she still cares deeply for him, just not those formerly warm and fuzzy memories Emma would be too much for him. Sean can only handle so much and while he's unaware of this she is. Sean had defined so much of himself and clung to the relationship because he had never loved until Emma and he associates Emma with love, romance, and home. Now he's got to find that in someone else at another time. He'll know when it's real.

Also, he's tired of running away from his problems, and wants to make some real changes starting with friends and future goals. He had already managed to mend fences with his parents, which was an internal conflict in his life for the past few years when he lived with Tracker, he reached out to Toby who is struggling with coming to terms with the shooting and is headed down an all too familiar dark path of self-destruction to no avail and put his conquest to rest with Emma. He'll always be there for her for friendship, unbiased opinions, and just in general there. He doesn't get that glimmer of false hope for a future no matter what happens in the future between Emma and Jay. He knows the chances are slim to none but he still can't believe Emma and Jay found each other and he's now happy to see the two mismatched people find mutual love. If anything, he just wants her to be happy no matter what it costs. She deserves to be happy is how he reasons and if Jay makes her happy then so be it.

Sean reluctantly steps atop the picnic table by the fire, "I propose a toast." Emma and Jay were below by the cooler. She, without missing a beat, reached in the cooler and threw Sean a beer to raise since he had no drink at the time, "Catch!"

Sean caught it and opened it up but didn't drink instead he looked toward the crowd as the party quieted their talking amongst themselves and lifted their drinks from bottles, to cans to red solo cups, "Raise your drinks, whatever it is up!" The party crowd did what they were told and quieted down aside from a few whispers and confused chatter, "We raise our glasses to - to friends new and old, to the imperfect, unpredictability of life in general. To the future the next two years we all have together to make the most of every moment no matter what laughter or tears."

Jay and Emma watched smiling up at their friend who was never big on spectacle but he did say he was turning a new leaf and getting out there to make his mark in life. "To the people we loved and lost because they shaped us and prepared for whatever comes next in this crazy life. I love you guys. We'll make more memories but we'll never forget the past because it's integral to the future. To Emma, may we always have a solid friendship, and may your newly cemented relationship with Jay be everything you want it to be and maybe more than that. May you always be happy because Jay, I'll kick your ass because I care about her happiness still as a friend of course. Jay, you're my best friend through thick and thin, we've had our fights, our disagreements, and fall outs but ultimately you get me and I hope you are good to her. Anyway, this went on long enough this whole toast thing I've never really done this before. So to new beginnings, to friends, to family, to everyone in this crazy party - okay I've said enough - everyone may drink now!"

Sean took a sip along with the party and hopped off of the picnic table. Emma was proud of Sean for standing up and making a toast for new beginnings.

The following Monday morning came and Sean drove Emma to school with Manny in tow. Of course there were whispers when they saw Emma and she was greeted by Liberty and the student council with a giant pop up card with a lot of signatures from different people in school. Emma felt for the first time in a long time pretty touched by that. She remembered how at the beginning of the school year she felt like she didn't even know herself or who her friends were.

Sean noticed Toby was alone at a locker wistfully looking at the scene and JT wasn't by his side and hadn't been most of the school year. Sean had a few core subjects with Toby and since that day in the hallway a few weeks prior Sean hadn't really made an effort to rehash things with his old friend but he felt like now was the time to reach out, "Hey," Sean adjusted his backpack strap against his back uncomfortably looking down at him, "how's it going?"

"So Emma's back to normal I'm just waiting for my turn."

"What do you mean?" Sean furrowed his brow with concern.

"When will it be okay?" Toby had a tinge of sadness in his eyes, "When will it be okay for me? Even for you? I mean everyone forgets I was there too and I saw things I wish I could unsee or unhear. I didn't mean any of this. Forget it, Sean."

Toby struggled to get up and Sean offered his hand and Toby shooed him away, dismissively he muttered, "Don't worry about me."

"Tobes I know we haven't been the best of friends lately but you need a friend."

Toby bittered scoffed, "What do you want to be friends with me for? What about badass Jay and Alex? Emma and Manny? I don't fit in with them, I don't fit in with anyone."

Sean replied unconvinced, "There's such a thing as having other friends too. What's the harm?" Sean saw a lot of himself in Toby, a younger version of himself with pent up feelings, anger, resentment, bitterness and lastly hopelessness. He wanted to see his old friend thrive again, "How did this happen?"

"Sometimes I wonder if I never existed better off everyone would be. Maybe Rick would still be alive?"

"Stop." Sean told him, "is there anything I can do? Anything I can say to get you to stop thinking like this?"

"I don't know," An idea crossed Toby's mind, "why don't we just go to the roof? We'll hang out, catch up there, not that many people are around there."

"You sure?" He hesitated and smirked, it was a start. Toby led the way and grabbed his backpack off the floor of the hall and walked with Sean up to the roof of the school. It was a sunny morning, Sean jokingly asked Toby, "Remember Saturday detention?"

"I used to be afraid of heights but now this is like my little hideaway."

Toby opened up his backpack and took out a beer, "May I interest you in a beverage?"

Sean reluctantly took it, sure he knew his social worker would've killed him and he'd get a lecture in a half if they were caught but against his better judgement he opened the can of beer. Sean didn't bother to ask him how he got it, money talks and Sean knows about fake IDs but it was never his scene. Toby was often forgotten in his social circle between Liberty and JT being attached at the hip when they became a power couple at degrassi and Emma was always a well known member of the many clubs at the school, Manny was a beauty, Sean was the resident reformed bad boy with the heart of gold and Toby was just Toby and he was painfully aware he had not much going on. He played video games when he's not at school, violent ones with guns. He made friends with an online community of somewhat dark vibes and fanfiction about anime characters. Since he and Kendra ceased to exist with Kendra going to a prestigious school where he only saw her once in a blue moon their relationship faded. She was smart to leave before everything imploded Toby believes. He has a rather cynical point of view.

Toby balanced upon the beams and surprisingly enough he had balance. Sean started to get a feeling in his stomach that something bad could happen, besides the fact they could get caught up there drinking beer.

Finally Toby stopped and pointed out, "It's a long way down you know?"

Sean calmly agreed, "It surely is. So how did you swipe the keys?"

"Swiped Ashley's extra copy of student council keys before she left for London."

"So no one knows you have the keys?"

"Perfect alibi."

"For what?"

Toby didn't say anything he just numbly and eerily calmly stared blankly down, "Tobes. . ."

"It's time."

Sean pled, "No." He set his beer down on the rooftop, "Talk to me."

"Everythings gone to shit."

"I assure you it hasn't, I mean we're buds we're drinking beers."

"You don't understand."

"I can try, come off the ledge."

Toby tearfully shook his head no, "No I can't. I can't be living like this. You only feel sorry for me, I miss my old friends, I miss my life, I miss the way things were so simple and now they aren't." He shrugged his shoulders, "Sean, you can't help me. I'm too far gone."

"I can get someone, what about Sauve?"

"No they'd lock me up. Say I'm crazy. You're supposed to be my friend. I couldn't trust you if you did that. You're not a narc and you can't save everyone. Least of all me."

"I wouldn't do it to betray you."

"Like I betrayed Rick?"

Sean didn't say a word and Toby went on, "I couldn't save Rick, I couldn't see that JT was changing, so I stayed away and now look. Liberty and JT can't be away for each other, where's my old best friend? What about Emma? She was a mess at the end of last year and this year. She could've died in that car wreck that I only heard about recently. I'm so depressed. I have no one and nothing. My mom will be fine. She has work and shit, I don't live with Kate and dad so I don't think they'll mind if I just disappeared. Sure they were mad when I picked up beers," Toby knelt down to grab his can and started chugging through tears, "Sean, I appreciate what you're trying to do but let me be, let me go."

Sean wasn't convinced and didn't want Toby to do anything stupid, "Step off the ledge." Toby inched closer to his jump, "It'll be okay."

Toby snickered, "What's okay anymore? Haven't you heard? Nothing will ever be okay. Our school is cursed, if it's not now then when?"

"You just gotta have faith."

Toby closed his eyes exasperated, "Sean, just turn around and go. I don't know why I asked you to come."

"Because you don't really want to do this."

Toby couldn't disagree, but he also didn't want to be had, he told Sean with frustration, "Don't tell me what I want, Sean!"

"Toby -"

"No I want to die! Do you know what it's like having nightmares every night and watching your friend get nearly get blown away or you and Rick falling down and not knowing if it was you who got shot or him? Am I a bad person for hoping it was him and felt relief, and we were friends, honest relief that he was gone and not you? And then I face the fact it was all pretend and Rick was only friends with me because he had nobody and now I have nobody!"

"I know. I know a lot. I killed him. I have a lot of grief that I had to deal with and find myself still dealing with." Sean changed the subject, "What happens if you jump? Everyone in your life is going to hurt whether you think they will or not. It'd hurt me too because this time I couldn't help."

"Yeah like who?"

"Make an effort with JT. Talk to Liberty. Maybe they'd get it or understand. Talk to Manny and Emma after all they're your friends, our friends! Hell talk to me if it helps but don't jump!" Toby continued to stand looking at the grass and sidewalks below he didn't really want to jump anymore not when he was faced with the what ifs he feared that Sean was desperate to get him off the roof, that he'd only feel a few moments of agony before dying or worse, "What if you survive and something catastrophic happens? You won't be able to walk, you'd be committed or something. C'mon Tobes. Get off the ledge now. It's not funny."

"Who says it was funny?" Tears streamed down Toby's cheeks, "Everyone will just forget like they forgot about me before. Kate and dad all they care about is if I'm controllable and Ashley is okay. Kendra peaced out to that elite boarding school to get away from me two years ago. I've always been the forgotten one and this catastrophe only solidified that I'll amount to nothing great or brilliant. What's my niche? What am I good at? How will I ever make it through all this for the rest of forever? I'm the butt of every joke. I had potential. This is just too big of a cross to bear now though."

"Emma understands the most, she was there when it happened with us. She could talk to you. Just please, please Toby get down."

Sean extended his hand and Toby sighed, "This is stupid you're prolonging it. I'm gonna lose my nerve. Shut up, Sean."

Toby was seriously about to jump, and that's when Sean grabbed Toby by the arm with some force and they both collapsed back onto the solid roof, Toby was angry and agitated but he wasn't about to jump up again and try again. He was sort of spent by then he just let out this sad wail and hid his face.

By this time there were a bunch of people down below watching and murmuring amongst themselves. He didn't want to attract attention, Toby took a deep breath in an attempt to catch his breath, his face was flushed and his hands were scratched from the stones on that paved the roof. Sean had a tear in his knee of his jeans and skid on his hands but no serious injuries. Sean helped pull him back up, "Let's go downstairs, we don't have to talk to anyone but please don't do that again."

Toby looked away uncomfortably before relenting, "I won't."

"Promise me."

Toby was quiet for a beat before replying, "I promise."

After a few moments, Sean and Toby walked downstairs and outside the roof access and down the halls to the nurse's office where they were bandaged up. Sean lied and said that they both fell during gym they were playing basketball and the nurse thought nothing of it. When the nurse left them alone, Toby pulled Sean into a strong hug, and just told him, "thank you." He quickly pulled away and they simply sat on the bench until the nurse sent them their notes that they could go back to class.