Chapter made by FactorySmoke

Recycled Meme Idea Title Here

In the wake of the sudden pandemic, society panicked. Bunkering down before the stay-at-home orders were rendered effective immediately, those that dared venture out of their houses focused on gathering as many supplies as they could in case of an emergency. Store stocks were depleted in an instant, closing house prematurely as the food, drink, and necessity stock plummeted in Musutafu.

U.A., of course, was exempt from this. With a private contract to various shipping companies that directly imported goods to their doorstep, they remained well-stocked and prepared for the duration of the entire pandemic. The dorms were always filled with whatever a student needed to barely eke out boring days in quarantine. After all, they had everything the outside world was scrambling to get their hands on!

So why the flippity floppity flying fuck did Class 1-A keep asking for more damn cleaning supplies?!

It was late at night when the individual in an obscuring trench coat and an electric voice modulator sneaks out of the dorm building and off of the campus grounds. They carry a large backpack on them as they walk straight past the security cameras, making sure to stick to the few blind spots and shadows that obscure them.

Once they're out, it's a cakewalk from there. They roam the empty streets, not even criminals willing to leave the sanctity of their homes and risking infection. A common cough mask hides the bottom half of their mask, and they've hidden their top half with sunglasses and a beanie. A small part of them laments as how cheesy and shady they must look like.

They're interrupted by another individual slinking down the streets in a cough mask and a dark blue hoodie. The two of them pause at a corner under a streetlight, very very conspicuously. The hooded individual glances over at the trenchcoat wearing fellow, and asks in a tired but eager voice, "You got the merchandise?" The trenchcoat wearing individual looks back.

"You got the money?" Fluid as water, the individual's customer easily pulls a fat wad of cash out of their pocket and hands it to the dealer. The dealer takes his time counting the bills, and nods. A roll of 40,000 yen in 5,000 yen bills, fit snugly in his hand. Slipping the cash away, the dealer sets their backpack down and opens it. Inside are bottles of shampoo, body wash, hand sanitizer and rolls of toilet paper, neatly stuffed into the massive but light backpack. The dealer grabs 4 of the ten unwrapped rolls, and two bottles of each cleaning product and hands them off to the customer, who immediately stores them away in an empty duffel bag they've kept under their hoodie. "Get out of here. You never saw me." The dealer commands as he zips up the backpack. With a single nod, the two part ways as they head back to their respective locations.

The empty streets remain quiet, with only the soft chirping of crickets to lull everyone to a sleep.

"God dammit! Who stole all the toilet paper again?!" One of the dealer's classmates shrieked from the bathroom, barging through the door with a hateful blaze in their eyes, "The whole roll is gone! Not only that, all the backup rolls in the closet are gone, too! We don't even have the cardboard rolls here!" The dealer stifles a chuckle as they leave the room. All according to plan.

"I guess we'll have to call Aizawa-sensei again, tell him we need more cleaning supplies." The dealer replies, shaking his head in fake exasperation, "Seriously though. Who keeps stealing all this stuff?! It isn't like they were hoarding it or anything, We didn't find anything when we searched the room at all." Their classmate shrugs with a similarly annoyed look.

"I dunno, but the good thing is, Mineta's the designated 'Aizawa informer' now. Hopefully, Aizawa is pissed enough to take it out on the little rat." They reply in turn, and the dealer nods sagely. With quarantine confining them all to the dorms, Mineta's perverted actions was at an all-time high, to the point where the girls refused to go anywhere near the pervert nowadays. Even the guys were beginning to get sick and tired of Mineta's bullshit.

"Hopefully it'll at least get him kicked down to General Education, at the very least." The dealer grumbles as they walk with their classmate. The smell of pancakes and syrup tickle their nostrils, and they perk up, "Is breakfast already ready? I thought it would be a while longer before Satou finished cooking anything with how much he's been sleeping in."

"Oh, Satou woke up extra-early today. Couldn't go to sleep after he left his bed to blow his nose, so he just decided to freshen up and make an early breakfast." Once they reached the first floor floor, the dealer's classmate yelled at the top of their lungs, "Hey guys! Toilet paper's gone again! Mineta, you know the drill by then, get going!" There was a worthlessly cowardly whine from the purple midget, who defeatedly trudged over to the phone, already dialing the number in.

The majority of the class, however, groaned in frustration and annoyance, some of them even cursing out loud. As if to reassure them, the dealer shrugged, "Did they take anything else, or was it just the toilet paper this time?" They asked, already knowing the answer. They'd had to keep their thefts to a random pattern to throw the others off just in case.

"Yeah, two of the full shampoo and body wash bottles are gone, and the hand sanitizer's gone. The good kinds, too." Yet another collective groan from the others. The dealer could sympathize with them, the good kinds of shampoo were scented with deliciously fruity smells, and the body wash helped act as a skin moisturizer as well. "At least we have the shampoo stash untouched, so there's that!"

Whoever the thief is, they must understand that this is a time of quarantine!" Iida exclaimed, his arms windmilling fiercely as he shouted, "We must conserve supplies as much as we can, and sooner or later, you will be caught! Either cease your actions now, or deal with the consequences when you are caught!" If anything, everyone wore a deadpan look on their faces.

"...Iida, did they reallt think that would work?" The dealer deadpanned, and their class president slumped in defeat.

"N-No, but I truly wanted to get it out of my system." Iida replied. Despite that, he immediately snapped back to his former state of mind and chopped his arms, "Now then, why don't we all get something to eat? Here's to one more day closer to the end of the quarantine!" The class cheered up at the thought, whooping as they grabbed food in a jovial mood and animatedly chatted away with each other. The dealer sighed and ran a hand through their hair, before joining the rest of their class. Out of the corner of their eye, they saw Mineta looked paler and paler as he spoke to Aizawa into the phone. Evidently, Aizawa must have been losing his patience, putting Mineta, who constantly contacted him, this much closer to getting into huge trouble.

The dealer hid a malevolent smirk. Aaaaall according to plan.

They perked up as they checked their phone. Another buyer wanted three bottles of shampoo and two loofahs for 30,000 yen?...Well, it wasn't like the others couldn't get more supplies from the school, right? They tapped a reply and hit send once they were done, slipping their phone into their pocket.

The next day, three girls shrieked at the loss of some perfectly good pomegranate-scented shampoo and three new loofahs, unopened.

THE END

A/N: Oh noes! Who could this evil toilet paper dealer be?! Take a guess, because I haven't even told my fellow co-writers! Muahahahahahahha!