Chapter 36. Gentle Earthquakes
That expression is seriously true, Addison told Mark once, sometime in the spring before Kate's first birthday, when tulips and daffodils began scattering across the meadows of Central Park. About the days being long, but the years being short.
They feel joy in the milestones leading up to Kate's first trip around the sun. She speaks early (and then does not stop), starting with Dada, then No, then Mama, and then Bye. She begins waving around ten months and tells her parents "bye-bye" sometimes even when they aren't going bye-bye, and Mark and Addison aren't sure how to feel about this apparent dismissal. Kate takes her first steps a few days before her first birthday, after a solid three months of cruising furniture, and starts offering slobbery, open-mouthed kisses around the same time (equal parts cute and disgusting).
Her first birthday party is small and laid-back (no theme, just lots of colorful balloons and pictures of the birthday girl). Savvy, Weiss, Kate's god cousins, and both sets of grandparents are in attendance, and then, at the last minute, Derek and Meredith end up coming. One of Kate's gifts is specifically from Meredith, a shirt that says "Ready for Combat." Mark assumes someone told the Seattle couple about a hard right hook Kate directed towards Andrew a few weeks back (and while Mark would never force his daughter to play sports, hell if she didn't swing that arm with the strength of a future third baseman). But then Addison looks over at Meredith and they exchange a knowing laugh that makes Mark realize this has to be something Swift-related that he probably doesn't want to know about.
When Kate is around fifteen months of age, Addison finally gets around to putting the brownstone on the market, and for the most part sells the house "as is." She ships a few boxes to Derek of things she thinks he might want, though he insists beforehand that he doesn't really want the bicycle in the basement, that it would be a waste to send it along. She adheres to this request, and ends up selling the bike on Craigslist. Addison then mails Derek a check for what she got for the bike, and pens "the (bi)cycle ends right now –TS" in the from line on the check just to mess with him.
Derek never cashes the check. Meredith sticks it to the fridge though, securing it with a Dartmouth Big Green magnet. The check stays there until it ends up disappearing (perhaps on purpose?) during the packing process when Derek and Meredith finally relocate to the house Derek built for them.
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The thump of little feet running down the hallway pulls Mark and Addison awake about a half hour before the alarm clock is set to go off (they quickly discovered that parenthood means never, never sleeping deeply again). At two years and five months of age, it really does not feel like Kate walks anywhere, anymore. It is always running or jumping with her. All noise, all the time.
Soon enough, Kate is peeping up at her father with sleepy eyes (still Mark's color, but Addison's shape and enviably long lashes). Kate smiles drowsily and holds her arms out. If she has a choice she'd prefer to cuddle with Mommy, but Daddy lifts her onto the bed quicker and does it in a more fun way, making her feel like a birdie in the sky.
"Well, someone's awake early. Hi, Kate," Addison says, eyes still closed as she feels Kate crawl over to her. Luckily, on weekdays when their two year-old ends up waking earlier than they would prefer, she's pretty good about lying back down with them (and if not, they grab a phone, open the Youtube app, and put on an episode of Doc McStuffins, giving their daughter screen time at six AM like the suckers they are). They cannot really blame her for joining them, given that the bedroom door hangs open like an invitation. They are freakishly good about closing and locking the door during Adult Time when their daughter is asleep, but always open it all the way again once Adult Time is over.
"Hi, Mommy. Mommy?" Kate runs a hand over her mother's face, soft and gentle, just like Mommy does for her sometimes in order to wake her up. Addison is not naïve though, and quickly opens her eyes before Kate unapologetically tries to force one of her eyelids open. It has happened several times before. "Maggie," Kate tells her.
Addison notices that the much-loved stuffed elephant, who is anywhere Kate is when it is bedtime or first thing in the morning, is noticeably absent. "Is she still in your room, baby?"
Kate nods. "I fo-got her." The recent addition of forgot into the vocabulary surprised Addison, but given how often she has to tell Mark he forgot something at the grocery store or forgot to do something (and she isn't always nice when doing the telling), maybe this should not have surprised her so much.
"Ask Daddy to go get her for you," Addison smirks at Mark over her daughter's tiny shoulder.
"Do the legs attached to Daddy's daughter no longer work?" Mark quips back sleepily as Kate scoots back to his side of the bed.
"Daddy…" Kate curls her fingers around one of Mark's wrists. "Get Maggie."
"What do you say first, Katiebee?" Mark prompts.
"I love you."
Addison laughs while Mark taps Kate on the tip of her nose and tells her that he loves her too. "That's so nice," Addison says. "But what else do you say?"
"Thank you," their daughter chirps.
"You're batting a thousand today, Kate," Mark says with an amused grin.
"The other word…pleeee…" Addison sounds out.
"Please!"
Mark tiredly makes his way out of bed (it is Addison's morning to handle breakfast for Kate though, so payback will happen later with their suddenly-very-picky eater). He retrieves Maggie from Kate's bed, and then returns to the master bedroom. He hands the stuffed elephant over to her happy owner. Kate tells him thank you and then closes her eyes and holds her head up dramatically, her way of requesting an Eskimo kiss. Mark gives her one, and then awkwardly exchanges one with Maggie's trunk when Kate thrusts the elephant towards him next.
Eskimo kisses are a new discovery for Kate, something she positively delights in, something that just makes Kate Kate, along with many other things. She loves getting carried on her daddy's shoulders (Mark has gotten used to sometimes having a dull ache in his upper back, but the alternative is that a brief walk to the playground turns into a half hour so Kate can inspect what feels like every flower and blade of grass along the way). Kate loves when Mommy and Daddy read books with her. She speaks as though every sentence ends with an exclamation point. She loves pink ice cream (more commonly known as strawberry). She will hold up her thumb and index finger to indicate that she is two if you ask her. Her R's are pronounced as W's, and both parents secretly hope she retains this for as long as possible. She squeals over the ducks in Central Park, and the Balto statue north of Tisch Children's Zoo. She enjoys her weekly tumbling class, stacking blocks, bath time, playing in the laundry basket, and making animal sounds when her parents ask her what such-and-such says. She is, Mark and Addison feel, an absolutely enchanting little human.
She is not a perfect child though, and they are very aware of that, some days more than others. Kate's resistance and assertions in the name of toddler independence are exhausting and patience-testing on the best of days, and lock-yourself-in-the-bathroom on the worst (this does nothing; Kate will simply lie down and yell and wiggle her fingers underneath the door until the parent attempting to take a break has no choice but to abandon their sanctuary). Kate can be terrible at sharing. If she doesn't like a food, she spits it out as dramatically as she can. She says "No" as often as she invades personal space, fills her pockets with sand and twigs from her favorite playground in Central Park West, and climbs on furniture (frequently). She will only drink out of the Elsa cup, but somehow that is not always the right cup, which is very confusing for her parents. What Kate likes to eat one day is what she will hate to eat the next, and lately all she wants to eat is polka dot cheese (Swiss). No matter how consistent the bedtime routine is and no matter how hard they have tried to make the transition to a "big girl bed" exciting for her, bedtime is an absolute nightmare lately. There are tantrums now, too; Kate had a meltdown in public a few days ago that was so horrible Addison's face turned roughly the same color as the lace push-up bra she was purchasing (and because bedtime is a nightmare, she has not been able to show off this recent purchase to her husband). Kate's pronunciation of "fork," though funny in private, is a huge source of embarrassment when they are out at restaurants because somehow Kate knows this, and will just say it louder. Sometimes she licks the inside of windows (it is weird and gross; they do not understand why she is like this). She has scribbled on the wall several times now, and Addison has become freakishly familiar with the names of Crayola crayons to the point that she eyeballed some scribbles on the kitchen wall last week and instantly knew it was the Jazzberry Jam crayon.
But even with all the stuff that drives Mark and Addison crazy, their daughter makes life beautiful.
"Go park?" Kate asks now, rolling back over to face her mother.
"Mommy and Daddy have work today, sweet girl." Addison tucks a few wisps of auburn hair back behind Kate's ear. Her hair almost reaches her shoulders now, still baby-soft with loose curls that Addison suspects will disappear as Kate gets older. "But Lauren will take you to the park this morning, and then you'll come have lunch with us at work. Then tomorrow is Saturday, so we get to spend the whole day together."
"No babies?"
"No babies," Addison responds. Kate knows Mommy works with babies and helps make them all better. "Just the three of us. Do you want to go to Aunt Savvy and Uncle Weiss's tomorrow, and play with Em and Drew?"
Kate nods eagerly, her entire body wiggling in excitement as she pulls herself up to her knees. At first, she mostly just liked to watch Emily and Andrew, but now she likes to sit near them as the three of them engage in side-by-side play (or engage in crying when Kate yanks toys directly from the twins' unsuspecting hands).
"Swim?"
"Mm-hmm," Addison says. The toddlers love the water table and inflatable kiddie pool that reside on the patch of grass in Weiss and Savvy's small backyard. Addison sighs internally, realizing she made a rookie mistake by telling Kate about their plans more than twenty-four hours in advance. Tomorrow is still a murky concept at this age.
"Kate," she adds. "Do you want to lie back down and cuddle with Mommy for a few minutes?"
A Mark-like smirk tugs at the corners of Kate's mouth. "No."
"Too bad," Addison pulls her daughter into her arms, tickling the little girl under her chin, inducing a round of flute-like giggles.
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Addison ends up getting called to the hospital Saturday evening when one of her high-risk patients goes into labor. The emergency situation means there is no opportunity to FaceTime before bed, but Kate seems to take this in stride; she is agreeable to going through her bedtime routine without getting the chance to say good night to Mommy.
Mark and Kate start with Madeline's Rescue, which Kate has wanted to read every single night for the past two months without fail. Mark did not care for it the first time, and definitely does not care for it now, but it is always fun to watch and listen to Kate's reactions. She is unbothered by the eye-watering amount of yellow on each page, and always points out Madeline with each new page. She also loves pointing out the dog in this book ("gog"). She giggles at the name Lord Cucuface, and will turn towards whichever parent is reading to her to make sure they laugh too. She will say the word "sad" when they reach the page where the twelve little girls are crying about missing Genevieve, and will point out the tears on the faces of the characters.
They always read one more book after the Madeline one, and thankfully, Kate's second book selections often vary, or at least cycle between a few different ones. Tonight, she brings If Animals Said I Love You over to Mark, and they zip through the pages together, pausing of course for Kate to trumpet out the sound of each animal.
"…then rumble with happiness loud and deep. Sure of their love, they'd snuggle and sleep."
Mark closes the book. Kate looks up at him, her eyes already filling with tears and her lower lip starting to tremble. She knows her bedtime routine perfectly; after the second book, they get out of the rocking chair and she gets tucked in because it's time to go to sleep.
Mark sighs, knowing if he does the basic comforting and then leaves, it will be a long night. They have been pretty persistent about returning Kate to her room when she crawls out of her toddler bed and comes to see them. They will tuck her back in, offer comfort and goodnight kisses, and then leave the room again (and then repeat this over and over).
Consistency is key at this stage, but Mark also knows what it is like to have to fall asleep alone as a child. This is hardly the same situation, which he knows, but still. Addison might have had cliché, WASP-ish parents who were not particularly affectionate, but they were home at night, and if they were not, then her nanny was present. It was different for Mark. And he knows that it is hard to sleep when you do not feel safe in your own home.
"You want me to stay with you?" Mark asks, and Kate offers a teary nod in response. "Okay, I will. You go get in bed while I do the lights."
"Daddy stay here?" Kate asks once Mark has dimmed her bedroom light and turned on the projector night light.
"Yes," Mark says, climbing in next to her, coordination less than notable as he navigates his way around the bed rail. "Daddy's staying."
Kate smiles at this reassurance. She then points towards the light-up galaxy now shining on her ceiling. Mark makes a noise to indicate he sees it too, and then Kate moves her finger around, pointing out individual shapes.
"Moon. Star. Star. Star. Sta-"
"Katiebee, it's night-night time, remember?" He interjects. "The moon and stars are going to sleep now, too."
"And Mouse," she mumbles tiredly, rotating onto her side and cuddling against him. Mark considers for a moment, and thinks the mouse is something she is remembering from Goodnight Moon.
"Yes," he confirms, securing an arm around her. "It's night-night time for Mouse, too. And Daddy and Kate."
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"She's in our bed," Mark steps outside the bedroom, chancing another glance back at their sleeping daughter before directing his attention to his wife, who has just arrived home.
Addison frowns in mild disapproval. "You gave in?"
"I stayed with her until she fell asleep, but about an hour later she started crying for me. Screaming, actually." Mark winces, playing the scene back in his head. A sharp, reedy scream had exploded though the air when he was starting to doze off on the couch, instantly jolting him awake and sending him running to Kate's room. She was wailing out for Daddy by the time he reached her. It always surprises him, how hot a child's distressed tears feel against your skin. Kate has screamed and cried plenty of times during tantrums, so that's not exactly a surprise, but before tonight he has never heard her scream out of fear.
"It wasn't sleep regression-related," he continues. "Kate had a nightmare. She was trying to tell me about it, but it wasn't making much sense. Something about getting lost. I told her it was just a 'pretend' thing happening in her sleep, but she was really upset, so I brought her into our room and just held her until she fell back to sleep."
"Oh," Addison says delicately. "Poor baby."
"Yeah," Mark replies. A protective edge clips in his voice. "She's not going back to her own bed tonight. She's just not, okay?"
Addison's eyes widen in surprise. "I wasn't going to insist you put her back in her room. I'm not a monster, Mark." She bites her tongue before she says anything else. She tells herself to be a grownup and not feel hurt by this remark, because it is clear that this is affecting Mark and he is not trying to be rude or difficult.
"I know. Sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I didn't mean…" his mouth briefly pulls into a thin line. "I know I cave too easily on the bedtime stuff, but this wasn't…like I said, it wasn't a tantrum or her waking up and being pouty. It was a dream-bad."
Her head tilts in puzzlement. "A…dream-bad?"
"That's apparently what she now calls nightmares, or bad dreams: dream-bads," Mark clarifies. He is not entirely sure why, but the logic makes sense to his daughter, even though a year from now, Kate will not really remember using this term. At present though, she thinks of scary dreams as dream-bads because Daddy and Mommy always tell her "sweet dreams" or "have a good sleep" before bed, but dreams about monsters or getting lost in the cursed forest far away from Arendelle are not sweet or good.
"Oh. That's a new one."
"Yeah. And it's really scary to be a little kid and wake up alone. I mean, I was here, obviously, but it's still…it's not great."
"I understand. How about you get back in bed? I'm going to get changed and wash up. Then I'll join you guys."
Addison rushes through washing her face and brushing her teeth, and cuts a few corners with her "before bed maintenance," wanting nothing more than to be with her husband and daughter. Especially her husband at the moment.
She slides in next to Mark. Kate is in the middle (sleeping peacefully with Maggie tucked under one arm), but luckily (or perhaps intentionally) there is enough space left over for Addison to lie beside her husband. She settles herself on his chest, and his arms immediately close around her.
"You must have been so scared when Kate screamed, not knowing why," she begins softly. "I know I would have been."
"Yeah," Mark replies thickly. "I was." Addison's hand folds around one of his shoulders, the gesture both comforting and affirming.
"You're a really great father, Mark. The home we're raising Kate in…it's nothing like the one you grew up in. And you're nothing like your parents. I know Kate was upset when she woke up, but she called out 'Daddy' for a reason. She knows you always keep her safe. That's so important." She feels the slight movement of her husband's chest as he nods. "You gonna be okay, honey?"
"Yeah, I am. How's your patient, by the way?"
"Good. Nearly lost her on the table, but she's stable and will be fine. And the baby is healthy. Rough night, but yours was a bit rougher. Tell me something good about bedtime though. It's never all bad with her."
Mark grins, instantly knowing what his answer is. "When I was lying in bed with her, Kate started pointing out the moon and individual stars, and was saying 'star' for each one she was focusing on. Honest to God, I think she was going to name every damn thing on the ceiling."
"That's so cute." Addison's giggle is interrupted by a yawn. "I might fall asleep here, if that's okay."
Mark hugs her a little tighter to him. "This is perfect," he says quietly.
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Muted groans and gasps hurtle throughout their bedroom as their hips move in tandem, rolling against one another. The kisses they have been exchanging are starting to become more hurried and wet as waves of pleasure bring them both closer to erupting. They've been drawing it out tonight, taking their time exploring and enjoying one another in a variety of ways, but neither is going to be able to hold out much longer, especially not when Addison locks her legs tighter around his waist. The change in positioning draws Mark deeper inside her, and she releases a passionate moan when his body rubs harder exactly where she needs it to.
"I love you," she whispers breathily as Mark speeds up his thrusts above her. Almost immediately, the warmth pulsing between her legs and starting to spread everywhere else begins to intensify. "Oh…oh God…oh…" her head tilts back when it's all too much. "Mmm."
"I love you…fuck, Addison." Mark buries his face in the nape of her neck and collapses on top of her as her orgasm triggers the start of his. The tightness in his stomach releases, and he lies still afterwards, listening to her tiny residual pants and enjoying the feeling of her muscles continue to tense lightly around him for a few more seconds. "Fuck…" he murmurs again, voice gravelly and breathless.
"Mmm…" she manages in a satisfied purr when trembles are no longer working their way through her limbs. Addison brushes her jaw against his. "It's always so endearing when you say that immediately after telling me you love me."
"I can't always help what I say," he cups her cheek with a roguish grin, and props back up on his elbows to take some of his weight off her. "Not when you clench your muscles around me and start moaning like that."
A slightly reserved smile cruises across Addison's face at this remark. She untangles her legs from around her husband's hips when she feels him soften inside her. A satisfying ache moves through her legs as she straightens them out, stretching her muscles, and she quickly gives Mark's shoulder a squeeze to hold him against her.
"Stay for a sec. You feel so good inside me," she whispers, running her fingers along the muscles of his back. It's far from the first time she's wanted and requested this, so no Connecticut-esque blush drifts across her cheeks anymore. She loves the act of sex itself, the times after sex when Mark manages to keep things going for her, and cuddling with him, of course, but there's something about this specific act that she loves too, something that made her cringe in discomfort with any man before Mark. There's a unique intimacy to this, an emotional closeness and peacefulness in not separating right away. He's good about not putting all his weight on top of her, but she thinks it still feels nice to feel a little pressure against her chest and stomach.
"Like I would want to go anywhere else right now when you tell me things like that," Mark says, dropping light kisses on her neck. He understands why Addison likes this though, because he definitely likes it for the same reasons. He caresses her cheek and the sweaty tendrils of hair sticking to her temples as they wait for their pulses to stop racing. He loses track of time as they look at one another and exchange lazy, lust-filled kisses, but eventually Addison wiggles her hips and arches her back, her unspoken request to move again.
Mark starts to roll off her, but captures her lips for one more searing kiss first. She wiggles her hips again, this time a bit differently, and he feels himself responding again. Addison graces him with a wicked smile and raises an eyebrow. Mark mirrors the look on her face and flips them over, giving her an opportunity to slide up and down his thighs, and giving Mark a chance to play with her breasts (he loved the red bra, but he loves her even more like this). The feel of his mouth, tongue, palms, and fingers over her nipples and the swell of her breasts never fails to quickly speed up Addison's breathing and build the fiery tension inside her.
She doesn't last long this time, and neither does he.
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"What?" Mark asks later when they've cleaned up, gotten ready for bed, changed the sheets, reopened the bedroom door for the little redhead one room over, and crawled back into bed. He reaches out to touch his wife's elbow. Addison is staring at him, in that funny, intense way she sometimes does when she wants to share something, but is trying to determine how to bring it up.
"I've been thinking lately about having my IUD taken out," she says, because there really isn't any other way she can think of to address the subject, and it's not like she's expecting a protest about it from him. "What do you think?"
"So we can have another one?" He grins predictably. "I'd love that, Red."
"Well…" Addison holds a palm up as a warning before he can jump too far ahead. "Realistically, it probably won't happen, so I don't really want to frame it as 'trying.'"
"So more like a not trying thing then? And just seeing what happens?"
"Right. Also, don't interpret this as a 'we are now going to have sex morning, noon, and night to maximize the odds of conceiving' thing."
Mark smirks at her. "If you're trying to imply something about my lack of self-restraint, I'll have you know that you were the one who jumped me tonight. And technically the second time was your fault as well – 'fault' in a good way, of course."
"Yeah, you've got me there," she admits with a soft giggle. "Anyway. Yes, there's a chance I could still get pregnant at my age, but the odds are pretty low. And I don't really want to see a fertility specialist because I just figure if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. And if it doesn't happen, well…"
He finishes her thought. "The kid we have is pretty awesome."
"She is. And I just figure if Kate's the only one, then she's the one for us. I know my heart would like, expand or whatever if we were to have another baby, but…" Addison offers a small shrug. Her heart already feels warmer at the mention of her daughter. "It's kinda hard to imagine loving another kid as much as I love her. Even on the days when she's a little butthead."
"Pretty much every day this week, for instance."
"Right. But I just want to make sure…I don't want you to get your hopes up or anything."
"I won't. If we don't have a second Pickle or a Mark Junior -"
"First of all, one Mark is plenty," she interrupts. "I swear to God my IUD just clamped itself in place upon hearing 'Mark Junior.'"
He chuckles. "I knew you'd say something like that. But what I'm saying is that even if we don't have another baby, what we have right now is enough. But, Addison…if we don't have another one by the time Kate is a certain age, does that mean we can get a dog?"
"Oh, God. I don't know. I guess, provided we're living in a house by then. And provided you're on poop duty."
"Kate wants a dog, you know."
"Yeah, well," she rolls her eyes. "Kate also only wanted to eat 'brown' ice cream today, wants to wear my long necklaces to bed, and wants to make fairies come into our apartment to play with her by coloring a hole in the wall in either Mountain Meadow or Tickle Me Pink -"
"I'd like to tickle your -"
"You. Are. A. Pig."
He copies her sentence punctuations. "Not. New. Information."
"Well, anyway. One of us has to try not to spoil her, Mark, and you are very much not succeeding at that."
"True," Mark laughs, kissing the top of her head. He feels her start to grow tired in his embrace. "Love you, Addison. Sweet dreams and no dream-bads."
"I love you too, idiot. Sweet dreams and no dream-bads."