The afternoon passed quickly as I milled around camp in a vain effort to memorise it's layout. After my encounter with Jasper I felt heavy and emotionally drained and had eventually left him to sleep. There was no sign of Bellamy anywhere on my exploration through camp and I struggled to keep myself distracted as my frustration with him mounted in my mind. I carried an overpowering feeling of anxiety as I considered how unprepared I was to rejoin camp and I felt alienated from the other residents. Abby's conversation had given me a painful awareness of how little I knew of the current situation and I was afraid to ask any questions in case I accidentally upset someone who had been involved in some of the recent losses. The sensation of treading on eggshells haunted me as I wandered the courtyard and observed all of the new faces that made it difficult to feel that I belonged here. Despite all of the pain and loss of our original camp compared to the much improved time that I'd already spent here, I couldn't deny that a small part of me longed for the familiarity of the territory that we had built for ourselves. Over our traumatic time on Earth, the first camp had become the home where we solidified our bonds and it seemed strange not to return there.
As the light faded to dusk I directed myself to Bellamy's quarters with worry blossoming in my chest and was relieved to find that he had already returned for the day. He was in the process of changing clothes and as he clocked my entrance, he smiled with a playful look.
"I was wondering when you'd find your way back. I couldn't find you in the dorms." He revealed as he busied himself with seeking out a fresh shirt and it was clear that he was completely relaxed in my company. I stepped further into the room and leaned against a desk in an attempt to act casual.
"I wasn't sure when you'd be free. Kane seems to have kept you busy." I commented idly and he hummed in response. He finished dressing and ran a hand through his scruffy hair before he strolled over to meet me with a fond smile.
"What did you get up to ?" He checked with an obvious interest and I caught him staring at my figure as if he was analysing me. I hoped that my building concern was not visible to him as I suppressed a nervous feeling in my stomach.
"I checked up on Jasper and Raven. It was nice to get back in touch." I answered as I stalled to allow myself the time to decide how to address my queries and he smiled in a way that revealed he was unaware of any warnings in my demeanour. "Abby called me in for a checkup too." I added and he flinched at the mention of the new Chancellor.
"How much trouble are we in?" He enquired with a playful tone to his voice and his eyes glistened with mischief as he explored my body.
"None. The wound is a little inflamed but healing well. Nothing more than a light scold from Abby either." I confirmed and he sighed lightly in relief. He stepped closer into my space and I recognised from the way that his eyes ravished me exactly where his mind was going. I cleared my throat and scrutinised him for any signs of avoidance. I know that he was likely to brush me off and prepared myself to analyse him for tells that would indicate his true feelings. "She filled me in on some other things too." I stated in an indirect method of steering the conversation and he hummed disinterestedly as he surveyed me, biting his lip suggestively. "She told me about Clarke." I disclosed and I noticed that his posture stiffened as his eyes met mine. I raised a brow at him inquisitively and he stepped back from me as he slid his hands into his pockets.
"Of course she did." He sighed and dropped his attention to his feet to avoid my gaze. "She was pretty messed up after Mount Weather. She couldn't deal with coming back to camp. I tried to convince her but…" He trailed off as his focus remained on the floor and he fidgeted his feet. I sighed as I sensed that there was more to this than he was saying and steeled myself in preparation for a difficult conversation.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I queried in a small voice and he reluctantly dragged his face up to meet my eyes.
"I didn't want to dwell on it. Indie, I just got you back, I wanted to enjoy that for as long as possible." He explained defensively and I smiled at him fondly as I enjoyed the acknowledgement that I knew him well enough to have anticipated his reasoning. "Look, things haven't been great here. I know that we both have to face that eventually, but when it's just you and I...it's easy." He added with a doting expression as he surveyed me and I felt a flutter in my chest at his words.
"Yeah, I get it." I admitted quietly and I noticed that his shoulders relaxed slightly at my confirmation that I felt the same. "It sounds like it was a tough call for the two of you. Are you dealing with it okay?" I investigated worriedly and he forced a smile that I could tell was disingenuous as it didn't reach his eyes.
"I'm fine. Thanks to you, I take responsibility for my decisions now." He expressed and although I was pleased to hear that my support in the past had played a part in his growth, I couldn't deny the lingering feeling that his response was inauthentic. I shifted on the spot as I raised a brow at him and moved slightly closer to thoroughly examine him.
"You'd tell me if you weren't okay, right?" I muttered in a careful tone and I noticed a slight nervous expression cross his face in a split second.
"You know that I would." He remarked with defensiveness evident in his voice and I could easily identify the annoyance in his expression at my continued doubt. When I still didn't say anything to indicate that I believed him, he scoffed and fidgeted with frustration. "What do you want me to say? I made the decision to kill those people. It was a shitty choice but I did it. They had Octavia and I knew that they had you somewhere, it came down to killing them or standing by whilst they killed you both. I don't regret my decision." He insisted with an abundance of hand gestures as he spoke and I held my hands up in defeat.
"I understand Bellamy, I really do. I'd have done the same thing, I was considering far worse ideas. I'm not judging you for it at all, I swear. I just want to make sure that you aren't going to walk out of camp one day like Clarke because you're not really coping." I explained and his expression finally softened as he met my concerned eyes. He bent into my space and cupped my jaw in his hand in a soothing manner.
"I'm not going anywhere Indie, especially not without you." He breathed and stroked his thumb along my jaw in a way that made my heart race. "I'm good, I have everything that I need right here." He confirmed as he inspected me with a contented expression. He gradually leaned closer to press his lips to mine in a kiss that absorbed me into him. As always, I was impressed at his ability to melt all of my fears away with his touch and I allowed myself to be swept away with him.
- O - O - O - O - O -
We laid wrapped up together in his bed and I felt as if I were in a state of bliss. I hadn't expected to be in Bellamy's quarters again tonight but I secretly harboured a deep relief that he didn't seem to have immediately lost interest. We chatted comfortably for the evening about the people that we'd lost and Bellamy informed me that Fox had unfortunately been killed when they were all captured. We existed in a strange state of joint reflection as we discussed the events that had occurred back in our original camp and confessed that we'd have done things differently if we'd known that we would become separated. We shared laughter over the memories of better times and comforted each other for our regrets, before the conversation finally returned to current times.
Bellamy positioned himself leaning on the headboard of the bed in a relaxed state, the blankets draped carelessly over his lap with his chest bare and his black mop of hair ruffled. I sat opposite him with the blanket tucked under my arms to provide some coverage and leaned against him with my hip brushing his thigh.
"Kane's got some radical ideas for camp. Sounds like he wants to reform the guard." Bellamy stated absentmindedly and I raised my brows at him in surprise.
"I'd almost forgotten what life was like with the guards of the Ark." I sighed, fidgeting on the spot as I considered the idea. I wasn't sure how I felt about any of the norms from life on the Ark returning when everything in my life had developed to be vastly different and I wasn't sure if I could fit back in the stifling society that had once been routine.
"It'll be different here. Abby's a fair chancellor and she seems to respect our opinions." He reassured me with genuine confidence in the woman who he'd clearly come to know well in our time apart and I met his eyes with concern. "From what I've seen Kane listens to her too. That's more stable leadership than the Ark's had in years." He commented and I chuckled under my breath.
"I prefer the original camp leadership." I smiled coyly at him and he chortled. He reached out to brush my hair behind my ear in a tender motion and I relished the way that he beheld me as if I were a sight that he couldn't get enough of.
"Kane's been assigning me jobs and asking for my opinion on things to do with our group." He relayed in a manner that revealed this was bothering him and I tilted my head at him in interest. "With Clarke gone, he's treating me like the official spokesperson of the 100." He added with a hint of bitterness and I brushed a hand on his thigh fondly to draw his attention.
"They look up to you Bel. They always have, even before you saved them from the mountain." I remarked and my words caused him to sigh deeply. "I know it's not easy, but you don't have to take it on. We have leaders from the Ark now, if you want to just be a regular camper from now on, that's fine. I know I'd be happy to take a step back, yours are big shoes to fill." I admitted as I recalled my strenuous time as a leader whilst in captivity and he made a sympathetic expression as he observed me.
"You sure about that?" He asked with a sly smile that caused me to watch him with suspicion. "It's not in your nature to follow orders Love, and I can't just sit back when things are happening." He detailed teasingly and I felt a small flutter in my chest at the pet name, but tried not to overreact to it.
"I'd be fine, I don't need to follow orders to not be in charge." I pouted defensively and I noticed amusement glittering in his eyes. "Besides, I'm quite content to stay in this little bubble, just the two of us. You'd get bored in no time." I drawled absentmindedly and hoped that he didn't notice the pang of vulnerability in my words. He raised a brow at me and sat forward to take my face in his hands.
"You think I'll get bored of following my assigned role all day, staying out of the big decisions and arguments?" He suggested as he stared deeply into my eyes and I nodded lightly. "As long as I can come back to this at night, what am I missing?" He breathed as he pulled us together to meet my lips and sent my head spinning at the adoration that radiated through his kisses. It was almost impossible to be insecure when I was under his gaze and I couldn't deny the impact of his touch, which seemed to be just as addictive to him as it were to me.
- O - O - O - O - O -
Throughout the night my mind was filled with images of Mount Weather and the people that resided there. I was reminded of those whose lives I had ended: the guards in the hall, the guard that I stabbed when chasing the alarms and most vividly, the guard in the hazmat suit. The process of his torture replayed in painful detail in my mind and it was agonising to watch even though they were my own actions. I woke repeatedly in a cold sweat and was relieved that Bellamy seemed to be sleeping too deeply to notice.
By the time that I woke in the morning I was exhausted and bleary eyed. I sat up with a start when I realised that Bellamy was gone and scanned the room in a panic stricken state. My gaze landed on a note on the bed and I snatched it with shaking hands.
KANE SENT FOR ME, DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU. GET SOME REST X
My eyes scanned through the scuff handwriting quickly before I dropped it with a pang of disappointment. I stretched my limbs out with a yawn and could already feel the sharp edges restlessness in my mind urging me forward. Despite my best efforts to return to some sorely needed sleep, the moment that I closed my exhausted eyes my mind was filled with the terrified face of the guard with a screwdriver protruding from his thigh. I bolted out of the bed to find my clothes in a determined stomp to distract myself and rushed to dress, fix my hair and leave the room.
I wandered the camp in search of Octavia but I couldn't seem to locate her in any of the rooms or dorms. I was directed to her quarters by camper but from what I could tell of the empty space it was practically unused. The courtyard was strangely empty as I stood considering where else I could search when I caught sight of her near the edge of camp. My approach to her was rushed as I found her layering up, seemingly preparing to leave and I caught her arm in a bid to halt her.
"Hey! I've been looking everywhere for you." I chirped in an effort to hide the stress that I was feeling and she immediately turned to face me with an obvious scrutiny filling her pretty face.
"What are you doing up? Shouldn't you still be resting?" She questioned as she scanned me from head to toe in an assessing manner and I felt a brief resemblance of Bellamy in her protective mannerisms.
"I'm fine, Abby cleared me for camp duty. I feel great, I'm ready to get back to normal." I confirmed and she raised a brow at me in suspicion. "Are you going somewhere?" I asked as I glanced past her to examine the courtyard for any gatherings but I couldn't see anyone else who seemed to be preparing to leave with her.
"I'm going to meet Lincoln." She commented with a subtle smile that would have been easily missed by anyone else, but I caught it. It was still strange to see her dressed in full grounded attire and I recognised that her whole demeanour had changed to be more controlled.
"Lincoln's still around? You must be pleased." I crooned with a smug expression and she rolled her eyes at me. Although she tried to act cool, I could recognise the familiar playful glimmer in her eyes. "Everything is so different here, even you." I sighed as I studied her and her firm expression finally softened.
"You missed a lot, I know it can't be the easiest adjustment." She stated with a sympathetic smile and I was glad to find that she understood my situation as usual. "But nothing has changed with us. No matter how different I am, you're still my girl." She breathed as she punched me gently on the arm and I chuckled under my breath. She seemed thoughtful for a minute as she examined me and I knew that she could probably see through any defences that I tried to raise. "Why don't you come with me?" She suggested and I raised a brow at her in surprise.
"Are you sure? I don't want to be a third wheel to your date." I remarked with a mischievous smirk and she tried to slap my arm but I dodged, much to her annoyance.
"It's not a date, we're gathering supplies. It's a long ride, it'll be a couple of days at least until we're back. It could be a nice change for us to catch up if you're up to it?" She enquired as she glanced down at my stomach and I fidgeted under her examination.
"Of course, when do we leave?" I responded keenly and she chuckled as she shook her head.
"I've got to finish collecting supplies and get the horses ready, then I'll be leaving. It should be a simple run but it's better to be prepared. Get whatever you need and meet me back here." She commanded and I nodded gratefully in response.
Following her directions, I found my way to the armoury to check out a pistol and dagger. There was an immediate surge of relief as I stowed them in their familiar place on my belt and I felt an anxiety that I hadn't even noticed settle at the security of the weapons. I collected some extra rations, water and some basic medical supplies just in case. The newfound maturity in Octavia was a welcome change and I was pleased that the grounder culture had clearly taught her not to treat someone as wounded. It was refreshing to have someone trust my judgement about what I was ready for, instead of coddling me as everyone else seemed to be determined to do. I entered Bellamy's room with an unexpected buzz of excitement for the journey. I anticipated that it would be empty as I returned to collect a warmer undertop and planned to leave a note for Bellamy to avoid his disapproval for my decision to leave.
Instead, I discovered that he was wandering the space as if he were preparing for something and I stopped in my tracks as he clocked me. I knew that it was impossible to avoid the argument now as he assessed me with a cocked brow and I shifted awkwardly.
"Hey, sorry I ran out earlier, Kane's got me organising training for the new guard." He reported as he strode over to place a light kiss on my cheek before returning to scouring the room. I behaved casually as I strolled over to take a long sleeved jersey top and placed it over my vest, wrapping the jacket over the top. "I think he wants to get some of our group trained better too, or at least able to defend themselves. After everything they've survived so far, it's not such an awful idea." He continued speaking in a relaxed tone and I was relieved that he didn't seem to have noticed my movements. "Where did you sneak off to?" He purred suddenly and I jumped as he appeared behind me. I was surprised as he pulled me into him until my back met his chest and his arms threaded around my body. His head settled on my shoulder and I gulped nervously.
"I wanted to check on Tavi." I answered lightly and felt his smile against my cheek. My heart started to beat faster as I considered how to approach the subject of leaving and I felt him stiffen as his hand brushed down to my waist.
"You're all armed up again." He commented in a forced tone of calm but I could detect the suspicion in his voice. "I'm glad you're protected." He added in a manner that I knew was allowing the opportunity for me to confess and I felt my stomach lurch with guilt. I sighed deeply and felt an immediate change in his demeanour at my avoidant gesture. "Going somewhere?" He interrogated and I flinched at the disappointment in his tone.
"Octavia asked if I wanted to join her for a supply run." I admitted quietly and I heard him scoff in annoyance. I stepped out of his embrace with a strong feeling of dread and turned to face him.
"You can't seriously be considering it?" He breathed in disbelief and I shrugged at him avoidantly. "Indie, you had surgery a few days ago, do you really think you should be leaving camp?" He exclaimed in an exasperated tone and I peeked up at him guiltily.
"Come on Bel, I'm fine! I can't just stay cooped up in here forever whilst everyone else works. I need to pull my weight." I argued and he rolled his eyes at me with a long enduring aggravation. "Besides, it gives me a chance to catch up with her. I thought I lost her too, we could do with some time to reconnect." I appealed in a desperate bid to gain his understanding and his expression finally softened from anger to concern.
"You couldn't do that inside camp?" He suggested with a sulky frown and I smiled warmly at him. "I just got you back." He whispered as his brows furrowed together in worry and I reached up to cup his face.
"It's only a couple of days, I'll be right back with you." I promised with a reassuring tone but it didn't seem to provide any relief. He continued to stare back at me with something in his eyes that revealed he had resigned himself to my leaving but he was visibly upset by this.
"I know better than to tell you what to do, especially if it involves my little sister. If I say no you'll just sneak out." He stated and I giggled at the huffy tone in his voice. "Be careful and don't stay away too long." He pleaded in a terrified voice and I smiled thankfully at him.
- O - O - O - O - O -
It took some considerable time to extract myself from Bellamy's room and I suspected that he was purposely tempting me to stay. By the time I stepped outside, Octavia was waiting for me near the gates with the horses. I noticed that the camp was mostly empty and I wondered if she had purposely chosen a time when everyone was busy so that we could sneak away. I moved to stride out of the cover of the small buildings into the courtyard when something caught my arm and I whirled around to find Bellamy observing me with a deviant smile.
"Here, I snuck this out for you, hopefully you won't need it." He encouraged me back into cover and out of sight as he handed me a folded up shock baton. I regarded him sceptically and instead of waiting for me to accept, he tucked it into my pocket for me. I rolled my eyes at his protectiveness but I couldn't deny that a small part of me enjoyed it.
"Couldn't you get in trouble for that? I can't imagine they have many of those left." I enquired with pursed lips and he shrugged carelessly at me. I chuckled lightly at his attitude, causing him to perceive me with an expression of enamoured wonder. The fear that he struggled to hide was obvious in his eyes and I attempted to lighten the mood between us. "You won't even notice I'm gone, you have guards to train." I remarked playfully but he maintained the seriousness of his look. Instead of playing along with my comments, he took my face in both hands and stared intensely into my eyes.
"I'll notice." He asserted before guiding me close to him and planting a lingering kiss on my lips. One of his hands threaded into my hair whilst the other rested comfortably on my hip. I couldn't help drifting into him and I felt his indulgent smile through the kiss. It was impossible to retain any focus whilst my senses were lost in him and I noticed that all feelings of urgency faded away. It was cruelly tempting to remain with him and I knew that he was carefully measuring every addictive connection of ours lips to make me reconsider. I tried to force myself to step away but my body wasn't responding as I remained magnetised to the spot. I felt the all too familiar flutter in my chest and started to get light headed from the thrill. Eventually, I managed to tear myself from him and he groaned in disappointment as we separated.
"I have to go." I stated breathily and he viewed me through aroused eyes. I bit my lip in an attempt to control the temptation and I knew that he had noticed it. There was a clear smugness in the way that he observed me and I knew that he was proud to have this uncontrollable effect on me.
"Do you have to?" He suggested in a low voice and I sighed as I glanced at him with an amused expression. It was a constant internal battle to remind myself that I could come back to his bed any time and he knew that my commitment to this mission was wavering.
"I'll see you in a few days." I muttered as I stepped away from him hesitantly and moved into the open part of camp before he could take any more extreme measures.
Although we'd been mostly hidden from view, it was evident from the moment that I set eyes on Octavia that she had been able to see us together from where she stood. She crossed her arms and examined me with a smug expression. I strained not to blush as I shuffled over to her awkwardly. I willed myself not to glance back over my shoulder as I noticed that her suggestive smile was now directed behind me and I knew in my gut that Bellamy was still observing me. I approached the horse nervously as I realised that I would have to be careful in mounting it; if I showed any hint of struggle I knew that Bellamy would rush over to insist that I wasn't well enough.
"All set?" Octavia asked and I knew from the tone that she spoke in that she understood my dilemma. She glimpsed between me and the horse with a knowing look and I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"Yep." I asserted with a forced tone of confidence and she wandered over in a relaxed movement to assist me.
It was a challenge to behave as if this were normal when I honestly had no idea how to mount a horse, without adding the stress of the still healing bullet wound. Thankfully Octavia knew exactly what she was doing and between us I managed to get into position. She gave me a crash course on riding and I was appreciative of the information, even if I felt immensely under-prepared to actually use it. There was the twinkle of a proud smile on her lips before she moved to climb onto her own horse and I could feel Bellamy's eyes burning into the back of my head.
Now that I was settled safely in place I risked glancing back, only to find him watching me with a painful concern. His posture was incredibly tense, as if it was taking every last drop of self control for him not to intervene. Octavia appeared beside me on her horse and her eyes followed my line of sight to Bellamy. She raised a brow at his worried demeanour before returning her smug face to me.
"You sure you've wrapped things up here?" She crooned as she indicated back to him and I kicked myself as I felt my cheeks burning at her insinuation.
"Let's go." I uttered coldly and she chuckled at me with a relaxed nature that I hadn't seen in her since we reunited. "Take it slow for me." I requested quietly and she nodded in acknowledgement.
Now that I was faced with it, the prospect of spending two days on a horse caused nerves to pool in my stomach as I worried that my body might not manage the exertion. It was more strenuous than I'd imagined to even just keep my balance and the last thing that I wanted to do was fall off before I'd even left Bellamy's sight. We moved slowly out of camp and into the open fields.
Once we were out of his anxious view I started to feel relaxed. I enjoyed the feeling of the wind in my hair, the vivid smells of the forest and it felt like a dream to be gently trotting side by side with my best friend. I peeked over at her sitting on the horse with a well practised posture, her beautiful brunette locks neatly plaited with only the middle of her mane loosely draped over her shoulders. It was obvious to me how much she'd grown in the brief time that we'd been apart and I reflected on the strangeness of the result that meeting Lincoln had actually improved her. As I considered the unexpected nature of their relationship, she sighed thoughtfully and I could tell from her face that she was also reflecting. She cleared her throat before bringing her eyes to mine with a tiny hint of playfulness glinting there.
"Back in the Skybox I never would have imagined I'd see the day where you were banging my brother." She remarked smugly and I cringed at the frankness of her words. All of my previous thoughts on her maturity and carefully controlled facade dissolved at her familiarly prying eyes.
"Don't make it weird." I drawled as I scrunched my nose into a grimace and tried not to consider the poignancy of her statement. She scoffed at me loudly and I could tell that she genuinely enjoyed having witnessed us kiss so that she could torture me.
"It's already weird." She commented and I shrugged in agreement. If I was honest, it's not something I could ever have predicted back when it was just the two of us in our cells, but now that it had happened it seemed natural. "But honestly, it's about time. You make each other smile, that's good enough for me." She confirmed with a heartfelt smile and I felt tears prickling my eyes.
"Thanks babe." I breathed as I quickly wiped them away and fixed her with a mischievous smile. "So, is Lincoln still making you smile?" I spoke suggestively and winked at her. I was delighted to earn a snort of laughter in response and it caused a warm wave of nostalgia to wash over me.
"Fair enough." She conceded as she met my eyes with amusement. "I guess I wouldn't ever have seen myself with a grounder either." She admitted with a far away gaze. "Shit's been crazy since we got down here." She added in a reflective tone and I hummed in agreement.
"You can say that again." I muttered as I considered all that had happened in our time here. "We've lost a lot of people." I declared as numerous faces flashed through my mind and I noticed her analysing me with concern.
"We've kept a lot alive too." She acknowledged and I sighed in response.
We trotted along in silence for a while, both lost to our thoughts and I was content to simply enjoy her presence. I reminded myself what I would have given for this kind of experience three weeks ago and tried to keep my attention in the moment so that I could treat it with the appreciation that it deserved. The sun dappled through the trees, casting Octavia in a beautiful, soft light and I felt my heart swell at her relaxed smile. It was a relief to discover that she was happy, despite everything we'd endured and I felt a strange sense of completion as I realised that I couldn't think of anything else I could need in my life now. I followed her lead quietly and after some time I became aware of how strange it felt to simply follow her.
"You seem to know exactly where you're going." I stated an almost question and she surveyed me with a thoughtful look.
"I spent a lot of time out here with the grounders." She revealed as she easily understood what I was getting at and I raised my brows at her. "Like I said, you missed a lot." She added with a softer expression as she had to concentrate on relaxing her newly cold attitude and I sighed.
"Yeah, it seems like it. Everyone's different, we're in a camp that feels uncomfortably like the Ark and there are people gone who I have no idea how they died." I detailed as I peeked over at her in frustration. "It feels like we don't belong in this camp any more. So much has happened and none of you will discuss it." I expressed with an honesty that I could only release around her and she sighed deeply.
"It's hard for anyone to talk about, just like your experiences in Mount Weather. It was a bad time for everyone." She explained and I nodded in acknowledgement. I could tell that she was contemplating what she could recount and I waited patiently for her to speak. "For me, you know I've been interested in the grounders' ways since I met Lincoln. It wasn't intentional for me to join them, but the mountain took Lincoln and our camp was taking too long to act to save you all. So I tried to prove myself to his clan to get help." She divulged as if it were the most obvious conclusion and I stared back at her in disbelief.
"Jesus Tavi, that was ballsy." I gasped as I widened my eyes in horror at this idea. "How did that go?" I enquired with interest and was pleased that I hadn't been around to witness this process.
"It was tough." She admitted with a deep sigh and I found myself wondering exactly what she'd endured to succeed. "I had to take a lot of risks to prove that I was worth their time. Once I did though Indra took me on as her second and I joined Trikru." She stated in an even tone and I struggled to process her words. The last time I'd seen a grounder they were breaking through our walls to murder us and the idea that Octavia was a part of any clan just didn't fit with this memory.
"You're part of a grounder clan?" I grilled as I tried to wrap my head around the idea and struggled to remain neutral to her explanations.
"I was." She answered cryptically and I studied her with an ever growing confusion. "I learned so much from them. Indie, their ways are wiser and more balanced than anything we've ever had on the Ark. They have me a purpose, they let me prove myself based on my skill and they didn't coddle me." She explained with a heartfelt tone to her voice and I sighed in an effort to prevent myself from becoming defensive.
"I can see why you'd be attracted to that." I admitted as I glanced around awkwardly and compared these statements to everything she had told me of her upbringing. If this was true, I could entirely understand why these kinds of methods would allow her to grow in the manner that she had, but I was still conflicted at the fact that this had happened under a grounder's guidance. "How did you get a whole clan of the force that wants to wipe us out to take you in?" I probed as I analysed this information and found myself displaying an impressed smile.
"Earned their respect." She confirmed in a vague statement and I examined her with a newfound pride as I appreciated the strength that she'd cultivated despite such difficult times. "Besides, it wasn't a problem for too long. Clarke managed to form an alliance with the commander." Octavia revealed and I felt my mouth drop open in shock at the absurdity of the statement.
"Anya? But I tried to kill her?" I questioned in a stutter and my panic caused a light chuckle from Octavia.
"Anya wasn't the commander, she just led the unit whose territory we were in. And don't worry about attacking her, the guards already shot her to death. Fucking idiots." She grumbled under her breath and I was unsure how I felt about this discovery. "The grounder forces are larger than we ever imagined. The commander's name is Lexa, she's extreme but not completely unreasonable. Clarke arranged a meeting and although there were sacrifices we had to make, she managed to secure an alliance to attack the mountain." She relayed and I found my attention riveted to her as she recounted the events that I had missed. I could hardly comprehend the idea of an alliance and the fact that Clarke had apparently successfully secured one was blowing my mind. We rode in silence for a few moments as I processed the new information and I hesitantly questioned part of her statement.
"What kind of sacrifices?" I asked nervously and her gaze snapped to me with surprise. She sighed deeply at me as she considered her words and I awaited her answer with a building sense of dread.
"We had to hand over Finn." She divulged as she kept her gaze from mine and I could tell that she was avoiding my prying eyes. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the fact that she had to explain this and I could hardly keep my disgust from my face.
"What?! Why? What could they possibly want from Finn? He was the biggest advocate for peace!" I exclaimed in a burst of rage and she flinched at the outrage in my tone. She bit her lip in consideration and stared out across the forest thoughtfully. My chest burned with anger as my mind frantically ran through any scenarios where this would be an acceptable outcome and instead found myself wondering how on earth Clarke could have agreed to such terms.
"He slaughtered an entire village of grounders Indie, innocent women and children included." She revealed and my mouth dropped open in shock yet again. She fidgeted with the reins uncomfortably as I gaped at her and tried to fit her words into the image of the peace advocating, mediating person who I'd known. "He wasn't the same person that you remember. Losing Clarke broke him, he did some terrible things to find her. Even Bellamy couldn't stop him. We tried to find another way to compromise but Lexa considered it a war crime. They were about to declare war on us again and Finn snuck out to hand himself over. We couldn't stop it." She detailed with a far away look and I could hardly believe what I was hearing.
It was difficult to comprehend the unexpected changes in the gentle Finn who I'd grown to respect and there was a wave of sadness that hit me as I considered that his decisions would forever change the perception we all had of him. I was struck by the realisation that this could just as easily have been Bellamy and I felt a surge of pride in the person that he'd become whilst searching for us. I reflected on the situation and compared the actions that I had taken inside Mount Weather to those that Finn had been held accountable for and wondered if I would be considered a war criminal too.
"How did he die?" I questioned in a quiet voice as my stomach churned in dread and Octavia sighed reluctantly.
"The grounders wanted to punish him for every life he took, that's their way. The army set up a public execution stage right in front of our camp. He would have suffered all night." She began and I couldn't contain my feelings longer.
"That's barbaric!" I gasped as the mental image formed in my mind and I had to physically shake my head to remove it.
"I know it's hard to accept because it's Finn, but what he did was awful. The punishment was for an extreme crime Indie. You might not agree with it, but they did what they would to anyone who killed that many innocent people." She explained and I had to swallow my disagreements. "Even so, none of us could stand to see him go through that. So Clarke stabbed him when she pretended to be saying goodbye." She explained and I felt my hands shaking as I absorbed this. I felt an immense guilt for the way that I'd treated Clarke for all of this time as I imagined how agonising this situation must have been for her. I wasn't sure that I could've done the same if it was Bellamy and I acknowledged the incredible strength that it must have taken to provide such a mercy.
"Shit." I whispered with a heavy feeling in my chest and Octavia hummed in response. "No wonder Clarke needed time. I hope she's okay." I admitted with a deep feeling of remorse and she nodded in agreement.