Natalie looked around as the sensation of relentless spinning stopped, holding onto Sirius for support. She was incredibly weak still, despite the Healers patching up most of her injuries. She drank Skele-Gro when she first got to St. Mungo's yesterday and all her bones had painfully repaired overnight but the cuts and bruises and her muscles that were no longer used to such movement were screaming in protest. Her leg was still stiff and sore, not allowing her to put much weight on it and causing her to limp, her previously dislocated shoulder was tight and inflexible, her poor concussed and no longer cracked open head was pounding.

Sirius helped her sit down on a beat up looking brown sofa. It was much more comfortable than it looked. She was in a very small room, just enough space to cram a few pieces of furniture against the yellow painted walls.

"Is this your apartment?" Natalie asked, recalling Sirius telling her the night before about how he no longer lived in the house used for the Order's headquarters. She had fallen asleep not long after that and her memory of the things he'd said were foggy.

"Yeah," Sirius said, glancing around the room. "It's not much, and the plumbing is awful. But I kind of like it."

He fell silent. It was different, the two of them together, than it had been before Natalie had been captured. There had rarely been uncomfortable silences before and there had been many in the few hours since she'd been back. She could tell he was holding himself back, from asking her questions, from talking about what happened to her, from touching her.

She hadn't meant to shy away from him when he first came into the hospital room the previous day. She acted on impulse, her subconscious not wanting anyone near her after what she'd gone through. Natalie saw the look on Sirius' face when she recoiled and it ripped her heart into little jagged pieces. But it was hard to fight her instincts, especially when she couldn't seem to get herself to think straight for more than a few minutes. Her mind kept shifting back to the dark stone room. She could swear she felt the sharp, hot pain of a knife slicing her skin open-

"Nat?"

She looked up, the apartment suddenly coming back into view, the grimy windowless room fading into the back of her mind. Her face gave her emotions away, eyes wide and forehead wrinkled.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, worry etched across his face. She noticed his dark beard, not for the first time since being back. It made him even more rugged and attractive, if that was possible.

Natalie avoided his question, not wanting to lie but not wanting to talk about the total mess that was her brain. "Do you think I could-," she made an 'uh' sound, fumbling over her words. Why was talking to him so hard? She'd never had trouble with this before. "I'm filthy. The Healers tried to clean me up but they didn't do a very thorough job."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "I'll run the water. A hot bath might help relax your leg, anyway."

He got up and went to what Natalie assumed was the bathroom, through the door that was closest to the entrance to the apartment. She heard a rush of water behind the half open door. The apartment around her looked full as she glanced around, but she quickly noticed there were no personal items lying around like one might find in any other person's home. There was a small set of shelves that had a few books tucked inside along with a trinket or two, but she saw no photographs, no posters or drawings or artwork, no pillows or blankets to make the sofa more welcoming. She wondered if Sirius really spent much time here. It made her sad, somehow, to see her plain surroundings and couldn't help but imagine Sirius alone here day after day.

"Let me help you up." Sirius was in front of her and she hadn't even noticed. She cursed herself silently. Getting so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice what was happening around her - that was not normal. But, she supposed nothing about her was 'normal' anymore. Letting herself slip into a daze was a form of protection when she was being held in the basement of Malfoy Manor, though she was still doing it now that she was no longer in immediate danger.

Sirius held his hands out in front of himself, waiting for Natalie to take them. His hands were strong under hers, easily helping lift her off the sofa. He moved his arm around her waist so she could walk with him and she tensed, her body objecting to being touched even though her mind was trying to relax. He wasn't going to hurt her, didn't her body understand that? She knew he felt her muscles tighten but he didn't say anything.

As they crossed the room, Natalie spoke softly. "My shoulder is still really sore, I might need help getting…" She trailed off, her mouth having a hard time forming the word 'undressed.' Self-consciousness had never been anything she'd ever had to worry about in the past, and she was becoming annoyed with herself.

The bathroom was minuscule, just enough room for both of them to stand side by side in between the white sink and old tub. It was filled with steaming water and she noticed an unopened bar of soap sitting on the edge - the kind she used to like, that she used to travel across London to an adorable little shop run by the sweetest old muggle woman to buy. Her chest tightened. Natalie had been so hyper-focused on just surviving the past seven months that she never fully realized how much she missed Sirius.

"Here," he said, softly, He stood facing her and grabbed the hem of the white cotton shirt the Healer's had put her in, pulling it up over her stomach. Natalie easily got her good arm out of the shirt and covered her chest with it. The Healers must have thought her undergarments were too disgusting to clean up and give back to her to wear, leaving nothing between herself and the shirt. Sirius carefully stretched the fabric over her head, moving slowly so nothing would cause her pain. Her other hand was clutching his forearm for balance as he slid the shirt gently over her sore shoulder.

Sirius let the shirt fall softly to the floor. Natalie's cheeks were flushed pink and she suddenly found herself unable to look him in the eyes. She hadn't seen a reflection of herself yet so she could hardly imagine how horrible she looked. From the parts of her body she could see, she knew she looked almost malnourished. Her bones jutted out from under her pale skin, not having eaten regularly or seen the light of day for so long. There were cuts and bruises and scars littered across her arms and torso from her daily assault at the hands of her torturer. Natalie was embarrassed to be seen in such a state, though some small voice at the back of her mind told her she was stupid to think that. This was Sirius, after all.

When she finally did look up at him, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Maybe she had been away from him so long that she couldn't read him anymore, or maybe there were too many thoughts and emotions he was feeling that none of them were any stronger than the other. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly and his eyes moved along her body steadily. He reached out a hand and stopped himself just before he touched her, waiting for Natalie to stop him. She didn't move, and he touched his fingers to her ribs so softly, just barely brushing across a long, uneven scar that went from her rib cage down to her hip. His other hand held her firm above her elbow, keeping her standing upright.

She almost couldn't remember what it was like to be touched by him. His fingertips practically sent electric currents rippling through her skin, making the hair on her arms stand on end. Her breathing had quickened as she watched him move his hand from scar to scar, cut to cut, bruise to bruise, taking inventory of even the tiniest of wounds.

Natalie felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her chest and land on the tiled floor below. "I think I can manage the rest," she muttered, eyes downcast again. It was too much, Sirius being this close and touching her the way he was.

He dropped his hand, mixed emotions flitting across his face. He tried to hide them, giving her a small smile, and said, "Let me know if you need anything. There's a towel hanging on the back of the door."

Sirius backed up, not releasing his hold on her arm until he was sure she could balance on her own, then closed the door behind him as he left the bathroom. Natalie exhaled, not noticing she had been holding her breath.

She lied, of course. She could barely manage getting the blue and white striped pajama pants off without tripping and falling head first into the sink across from the tub. Getting into the bath was a struggle, but she eventually sunk into the hot water and let her body loosen up.

She hadn't bathed once while locked up in the stone room. She hadn't done anything while locked up, actually, as the Death Eaters had never once let her out of that room, never removed the shackles that bound her. Her muscles had deteriorated significantly from laying motionless in her corner as the weeks turned into months. Even laying in the bathtub felt almost uncomfortable. She was now free to maneuver however she wanted, a luxury she was no longer used to.

Natalie had been overwhelmed by everything once she regained consciousness in the stark white hospital room. The lights were all too bright, the smells were too harsh, the noises too loud, the bed far too soft and the blankets much too warm. It was sensory overload; she was used to dark and cold and deafening silence, and suddenly finding herself back in the real world was making her feel dizzy. Everything was different. But, nothing was different, not really. She was different, everything else had just continued on without her. She didn't know what she expected life to be like once she escaped. Truthfully, she never really thought about that, the only consistent thought she ever had was that she needed to get out of that basement and back to her life.

But what was her life, anymore? She didn't belong anywhere, she had no home and no family waiting for her. Sirius had moved out on his own, started his own life. James and Lily had apparently gotten married. Remus still lived in the headquarter house but she was sure even he and Peter were different. Nothing felt right, everything was just slightly off and not quite the same and it confused Natalie and made her head hurt.

She slid further into the bath, taking a deep breath before her face slipped under the water. Maybe she should have never left, never escaped. The torture was awful but towards the end she had been getting used to it, not feeling the pain as much as she always had, her body somehow becoming numb to the abuse. Perhaps that was a bad thing, she didn't know for certain. What she did know was that her life in the basement room had been predictable. She knew what would happen to her at any given time, there were hardly any surprises.

Physical pain had been the only thing she'd felt for so long. Now, being back in her old life even for such a short amount of time, her emotions were running rampant and she didn't know how to handle this kind of pain anymore, the mental and emotional kind. It was like she had woken up after a long slumber and the world around her was overpowering and scary and deep in the recesses of her mind she thought she maybe missed the strange comfort of the stone room.

She sat up, breathing hard , water sloshing over the sides of the tub. Natalie wanted to slap herself. How could she miss that place? That room was torture and suffering and total agony. And even though she was a stranger to this tiny apartment, as long as Sirius was with her she would feel loved and cared for. Love and caring was better than torture and suffering. Why did she have to convince herself of that? Had the constant torment driven her completely insane?

Natalie took the bar of soap and concentrated on scrubbing her skin free of the filth that had settled in her pores. She cleaned every inch of herself, from her grimy hair to the dirt caked under her toe nails. The water in the tub was a foul brown color as she removed herself, her pained hands gripping the sink for stability as she pulled her useless leg under her. She reached for the towel hanging from the door and dried herself quickly, not wanting to make a mess of Sirius' bathroom.

She peeked her head out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body and damp hair stuck to her shoulders. It was too long, almost touching her behind. She'd have to find someone to cut it. Sirius looked up at her when he heard the door open. Before Natalie could say anything, he stood and said, "I brought your clothes with me when I moved out of the Order's house. Hang on."

He disappeared from her view and reappeared a moment later with a handful of folded items. Thanking him, she took the clothes back into the bathroom with her. She stumbled over herself while trying to pull on underclothes and a pair of soft gray pants, her leg still not cooperating with her even after the steaming bath. Thankfully her shoulder had loosened up a bit and she was able to pull a blue hooded jumper over her head, the material thin and loose-fitting.

Natalie didn't know how long she had been in the bathroom but she expected it was a while. The sun was coming in from the windows differently than it had been before, afternoon light brightening the apartment. She braced herself against the door frame and limped out of the bathroom. Sirius rushed over, no longer asking or waiting for her approval to help her walk.

"You must be starving," he said. "I'll make you something."

The kitchen was as small as the other rooms in the apartment. A door-less opening separated it from the main room, the tan carpet stopping abruptly to meet yellow and white plastic-feeling tile. There was just enough space to shove a small table and two chairs up to the empty wall that faced the street outside. She sat in one of the chairs with Sirius' help.

"You cook now?" she asked, amazed at herself that she could muster a joking tone.

He looked over his shoulder as he crouched in front of the refrigerator, raising an eyebrow. "Is that doubt I hear?" He grabbed a package from inside a compartment and stood back up. "You'd be surprised at how domestic I can be."

A small smile ghosted Natalie's lips as she watched him make his way through the kitchen. "What's on the menu, then? Shepherd's pie? A roast chicken, perhaps?"

Sirius laughed, a sharp barking sound that made Natalie's stomach flip. She'd missed that sound. "Not that much has changed. I hope you still like an old fashioned cheese sandwich. That's about all I'm good for."

His back was turned away from her, so she could watch him without a sheepish feeling. Despite the change Natalie felt in just about everything after being gone so long, Sirius still felt familiar and comforting. Just as it had the night before, simply being in his presence calmed her. If she focused on him, nothing else seemed to cast a shadow across her mind.

Sirius turned away from the oven, he crossed the kitchen and put two plates down onto the small, square table. He dug into his sandwich immediately, and Natalie tore off a corner of hers, savoring the taste of warm, toasted bread and melty cheese. She forgot how good real food was - the Death Eaters only gave her a spare scraps of food every few days and it was always cold and mushy and not at all desirable.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Sirius asked softly, prying her away from thoughts of the basement room once again.

She didn't tell him that this simple cheese sandwich was by far the most delectable thing she'd eaten in seven months. He wouldn't take it as a compliment even if that's how Natalie meant it. He would be upset at the reminder of how horribly the Death Eaters had treated her. Instead, she asked, "Do you mind if I stay here for a few days? I'm not sure I want to be stuck at headquarters right now."

He gave her a look that could have said 'are you joking?' "Of course you'll stay here," he said after he finished chewing.

Natalie swallowed. "Okay," she responded. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't intruding."

Sirius put down his sandwich and looked at her directly. "If none of this had happened, if everything had stayed normal...If I moved out back then, wouldn't you have come with me?"

She made herself meet his gaze. "Of course I would have," she answered. "But things aren't normal, all that stuff did happen." Natalie could see how her tone was affecting him, like he couldn't believe she would ever think she wouldn't be welcome in his home.

"That doesn't change anything for me," he said, his voice was firm and final. He was shaking his head. "Not with us."

She hadn't realized how much she questioned the state of their relationship until Sirius said that. It had been so long, after all. Who would hold onto someone that could have been dead for that long? Natalie wouldn't have blamed Sirius for moving on, for forgetting her and finding someone who didn't leave him for a year without a second thought, for choosing to be with someone who didn't bring as much trouble into his life. But she was so happy he hadn't. What would she have done if she didn't have him to rely on?

He must have taken her silence as agreement, because he didn't push the matter. They ate quietly, stealing glances at each other across the table. He finished his sandwich and looked at Natalie's plate. She had stopped picking at her food, no longer hungry but leaving about three quarters of her sandwich untouched.

"You're done?" he asked. He spoke to her gently and Natalie wondered if he thought she would break down if he said the wrong thing.

She nodded. "It was good, I'm just…" Natalie paused and looked down at her hands. They were clenched together in her lap awkwardly. She couldn't seem to figure out what to do with them now that she wasn't in cuffs and had the ability to do what she liked with them. She continued, her voice soft and quiet, "I'm not used to eating that much."

Sirius tensed his jaw and his eyes slipped from where he was looking at her, but Natalie didn't see his reaction as she was still staring into her lap. She felt him get up from the table and walk to the other side of the kitchen. Peeking up through her lashes, she saw he had taken the plates away and now stood in front of the sink, hands gripping the counter underneath him on either side. She hated herself for talking about it, for making him think about the things that happened to her. But how could she not talk about it at times? It was unavoidable and no matter how hard she tried not to think about it or speak about it, it was bound to happen eventually. But she couldn't have a conversation with him about everything, not yet. She needed time to wrap her head around it.

It was late afternoon and Natalie felt her head start to throb from the headache pounding around her skull. "I'm a bit tired," she mumbled. "I know it's early but I should probably sleep if I ever want to feel better."

Sirius turned around, nodding, and she saw he was back to gentle and caring Sirius, having wiped away any trace of angry and vengeful Sirius. He moved back towards her, helping her out of the chair. "Come on, you can have the bedroom. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No," she objected, not wanting to put him out or inconvenience him in any way. "It's fine, really, you don't have to-"

He turned his head to look at her, only a few inches separating them as they slowly walked, or limped, in Natalie's case, towards the bedroom. "I will sleep on the sofa, you take the bedroom. No arguing." His voice was tender despite the decisive words.

Natalie sighed in response, not saying anything more.

Sirius had been sleeping for a few hours. He was exhausted, having been up since the early hours of the morning then taking care of Natalie all day. Of course, he would take care of her for the rest of his life if that meant that she would be there with him instead of holed up in some grimy basement being tortured for months on end.

Natalie shut herself in his room late into the afternoon and Sirius hadn't fallen asleep until the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the main room into shadows and darkness. He laid on the sofa for hours before he dozed off, staring at the ceiling and letting his mind run wild with all the things that had happened. It was almost hard to believe she was back, that she was here with him in his shitty apartment, that he had physically touched her and been with her the whole day.

He was dreaming but not pleasantly, images of Malfoy Manor and Natalie chained to the floor flashed behind his eyes. The things he saw in her memories were things he didn't think he'd ever be able to push from his mind. They were awful, terrible things to have to see, and part of him wished desperately that he hadn't seen them. Though, another side of him was glad he did see. Now that he knew some of the things that bastard Death Eater did to her, he wouldn't have to ask her about anything. It could be an unspoken thing between them, he knew what happened to her and she knew that he knew. They didn't have to talk about it, he didn't have to hear the details straight from her mouth.

A noise in the kitchen woke Sirius from his troubled sleep. His eyes snapped open and turned towards the doorway, not seeing anything suspicious in the dark room. His wand was on the small table in front of the sofa and he grabbed it, raising himself up and walking soundlessly towards the other room. Only a few people knew about this apartment and his friends would have never told anyone else, especially not a Death Eater. His muscles were tensed, ready to spring at any second.

He moved quickly into the kitchen, wand held in front of him. Sirius didn't see anything at first, at least not anything he may have been expecting. No one was standing in the kitchen, no Death Eaters ready to duel or attempting to attack him. After a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the unlit kitchen, he saw a figure huddled in the corner of the room.

"Natalie?" he asked, dropping his hand down and moving towards her.

She was crying, he could see her shoulders shaking from the sobs she was trying to stifle and keep quiet. Her hands were on her head, gripping fistfuls of light blonde hair, knees pulled up to her chest. He couldn't help but notice once again how small she was.

Sirius dropped to his knees next to her. "What's wrong? What happened?" He was hushed but worried. Was she hurt? Had someone been in the apartment without him waking up?

It took her a moment to compose herself enough to speak. "Every time I close my eyes I see him," she whispered, her voice tight and wavering from raw emotion.

Sirius' stomach dropped. There was no mistaking who 'him' was. Natalie was shuddering from the force of her weeping and Sirius forced any thoughts of the Death Eater that did this to her from his mind. She needed him and he had to focus on her, had to try to comfort her and calm her down.

Rotating so that he was sitting, his back against the white cabinets that lined two of the kitchen walls, Sirius put his arms around Natalie and pulled her closer to him. He held her in his lap, one arm around her waist and the other supporting her shoulders, his fingers curling into her hair as his hand cradled the back of her head. Her legs folded up on his right side and he felt her hug him, gripping him as tightly as her fragile frame could. She cried into his shoulder and he held her tightly, wishing he could take her pain away just by willing it.

They stayed like that for hours, on the floor of the kitchen, listening to each other breathing and holding each other close. Natalie fell asleep first, drifting off as she laid curled up against Sirius' chest. He didn't move and he told himself that he'd hold her as she slept on the floor every night if he had to, if that was the only way she could rest. He didn't care. She was in his arms now, after what felt like a lifetime apart, and nothing else mattered.