In The Mind's Eye

Disclaimer: This is an AU story that combines The Godfather and Greys Anatomy together. I borrowed these characters, I own nothing.

Chapter Twenty-Four

You're My Home

An hour later, a very angry and irrational brunette walked into her large brick home in the Torres Mall. Callie was furious that she had to wait for Rocco to return to retrieve her. She was also furious that her wife had left her there with Caterina. Callie couldn't believe Arizona didn't ask for an explanation.

Caterina had barged in on Callie's time with her wife. Her wife...the one that held her heart. The one that she would die to protect. The wife that she loved more than her own self.

The more Callie thought about her love for Arizona, she got even more mad. She knew this would all have to come out now, and Callie wasn't sure how Arizona would handle it. But, she loved Arizona too much for this situation to be a situation between them. She loved her too much for Arizona to ever be upset with her over a past relationship. No, her past was not the best. She had been involved with a married woman. But her past was just that...her past. Callie had changed from that person. She had changed for Arizona. And...That was something. Something important. It definitely counted for something.

As Callie placed her foot on the bottom step of the long staircase, that familiar, soft voice pulled her from her thoughts. "How long were you two engaged?" Arizona asked. She sounded broken.

Answering as she came into the blonde's view Callie spoke in a low tone, "Six months."

As Callie walked into the living room, she sat across from Arizona in her usual chair. Both ladies were once again face to face. The large wing back chairs that they used for reading, talking, sitting by the fire; were now the center of what was to be an epic conversation. Breathing heavily, Callie sat and watched as her wife frantically flipped through a medical journal. The longer she watched Arizona, the more irritated she became. Callie wanted this all behind them. She wanted this to be over with. And, Arizona just kept flipping through the pages. Knowing full well the blonde doctor was not reading the piece of literature, Callie snapped, "Will you put the damn book down."

Those words and that tone incited Arizona. Her frustration with Callie insisting she cut back on work, along with being in the dark about her wife's past, proved difficult for the blonde doctor to turn the other cheek, so to speak. She was tired. She was frustrated. And, she was jealous.

Arizona stood and with her right hand, she threw the heavy book in Callie's direction. "There are you happy?" Arizona yelled.

Arizona's behavior was most inappropriate. Childlike. She knew that it was. But, she just couldn't help herself. Arizona had sat there before Callie came home and cried. Cried as if the world were going to fall apart. Because to her, it seemed that way. Callie never told her about this Caterina woman. The questions of Callie's prior relationship flooded the blonde's mind. Creating a paranoid frenzy of emotions and jealousy. And, why had it taken Callie an hour to get home? Sure, thirty minutes were understandable. But an hour. What had she and the ex-fiancee been doing all of this time? Questions. Too many questions. And, although Callie's affair had happened in the past, Arizona felt that she should have known something about Caterina. At least a mention of Callie's relationship with the tall brunette would have been a nice gesture.

Losing her resolve once Arizona threw the flying object her way, Callie was about to do something that she knew better than to do. It wouldn't be her finest moment. The brunette just snapped, before she even thought about it. Lunging across the ottoman that separated her from the blonde, Callie reached to grab Arizona's wrists. No, she had no intention to cause any physical harm to her wife. She just knew that Arizona, at this moment was somewhat uncontrollable. Callie, who always thrived on being in control, intended on having a civil discussion about this. She would control this situation.

Seeing the alarming look on Arizona's face, Callie stopped her movements. She instantly saw a look of fear written across the pale face of her wife's delicate features. And, she hated it. She really did. For her to be that cause of that fear, broke Callie's heart. Standing within mere inches of one another, their breaths could be felt. They were just that close. In an effort to calm her rage down, Callie took a deep breath and said, "Do not ever throw anything at me again."

Hearing her wife's tone and the eyes that; bore straight through to one's soul, Arizona remained silent. The look on Callie's face was unlike any look Arizona had ever seen. In a split second, Callie had snapped. Not thinking, she had reached to physically restrain her wife, but had refrained from doing so. Arizona wasn't quite sure what, in this moment her wife was capable of. And, she really didn't want to find out either. Arizona realized she had pushed Callie a little too far.

Callie could see the uncertainty in Arizona's eyes. The complexity of this situation...it had to be handled delicately. More delicately than Callie had attempted to hand it just a minute ago. Slowly reaching for her wife's arms, Callie gently eased Arizona back in her chair. "I am not going to hurt you. Do you hear me? I am not going to hurt you. I love you. But you are going to sit down and listen. And not throw things at me like a child. Do you understand?" Callie's tone was neutral. Her voice was calm, but steady. The brunette needed to get some control of this situation.

Sitting back in her own chair, Callie calmly spoke. "Now I am going to explain, and I want you to listen."

"You probably just had sex with her didn't you?" Seeing the tears stream from her wife's face, Callie was shocked by her wife's words. Is that what Arizona thought she had been doing? Callie had never cheated on Arizona.

"Is that what you think of me? That I'm some whore that sleeps around?" Hurt filled the brunette's heart. Stabbing like a sharp knife. Surprised by her wife's thoughts, Callie began breathing rapidly. Her heart pounding in her ears. She thought surely Arizona had more confidence in her.

"No," the blonde answered. Wiping her tears, Arizona leaned back in the tall leather chair. "You didn't, did you?" Stormy blue eyes looked unsure and very insecure. She didn't think Callie would do that. It would break her heart. She loved the brunette. Jealousy over Callie and Caterina's relationship flooded her mind. Arizona also thought Callie would have told her she had a fiancé before now. Callie had too much secrecy for Arizona's liking. The blonde had chosen to overlook Callie's business affairs. But personal ones, well, that was a different matter.

In an honest way, with the softest voice, Callie answered her wife. "No baby. I didn't. We took vows. I would never do that to you. I swear on the life of my child I would never." And, she wouldn't. She couldn't. She loved Arizona too much. Never would she intentionally cause any harm to her wife.

"Why didn't you tell me about her? Arizona sniffled. It was an important question. A question that only Callie had the answer to.

'I should have told you. I don't know...I.." lowering her head, Callie placed her head in there palm and rested there for a minute. There really wasn't anything she could say to make the situation any easier.

"Why? I want to know why? You want me to tell you everything that is happening to me. How I feel. What I am doing. But then you're not honest with me. That hurts you know?" Glaring at the brunette who sat across from her, Arizona sat and waited for her wife to answer.

"I know you are hurt. I'm sorry. I should have told you.."

"Why didn't you? You were engaged to her when you asked me out?" Arizona asked for clarification. She thought that was correct. But, with everything happening she tended to need Callie to clarify a few things. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. Callie's past was one thing. But, if Callie had been playing both women at the same time...well, that's just not pretty.

Confession was never Callie's strong suit. But tonight, she would once again come clean. Start over. A clean start. Confession is good for the soul, right? "I should have told you. And yes. Technically I was engaged to her when I met you and asked you out. And that was wrong. But.."

"I don't know if I want to hear this." Arizona said. Sitting across from Callie, face to face with her wife, the blonde wasn't sure she wanted to hear this story. A wave of nausea hit Arizona and, she desperately tried to squelch the urge to vomit. But, the urge was to great. Holding up a finger in her wife's face, Arizona got up and ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach. She was most worked up about this entire situation. Who wouldn't be?

As Callie waited for Arizona to return, she looked out the window. It was dark outside. Nighttime. The clouds were rolling in due to winter storm had been forecasted for the next several days. Although Callie couldn't see the cold clouds, she knew they were there. The now invisible clouds were just like the secrets in her life. Although no one could see them, Callie knew they were there. Hidden deep inside. The thing about secrets is that they can lead to painful miscommunication in a family, causing unnecessary guilt and doubt. Guilt that Callie carried around daily. And doubt that Arizona was now experiencing. What a difficult position to be placed in.

Sitting back in her chair, Arizona got into a comfortable position. "Go ahead." She was ready to hear this. As ready as she would ever be. And, she was ready for this to be over.

Callie swallowed hard, and began, "Okay. So I will just start from the beginning. Caterina was married to Rafael Brazini. She and I knew one another for several years. We were friends. Eventually, we became close. Too close. And one night we met for drinks, discussing any and everything. Our families, her husband. The problems in her marriage. Our plans, goals, dreams. Everything. Then, out of the blue she kissed me. I wasn't expecting it. It just happened. I will admit there had been some level of attraction there between us, but I kept it at bay. Arizona, I didn't go looking to start an affair. One thing led to another that night and we slept together. It didn't stop there after that night. We kept seeing each other."

Stopping to judge her wife's reaction, Callie saw nothing written on Arizona's face. Nothing. No frown, no smile. Nothing. So she continued.

"It was pretty well known that we were having an affair. It went on for about a year. And then, one day she just decided to leave Rafael. She didn't love him. It was over between them. That was her choice. I never gave her any indication that I wanted her to do that. When she told me what she had done, I wasn't too keen on it. She showed up at my house with her suitcases and said she didn't have anywhere to go if I didn't let her stay with me. Technically we were still seeing each other, so I gave in."

Taking a deep breath Callie further explained. "Shortly after she moved in, I don't remember how long it was, I just felt suffocated. Caterina proposed and although I knew I shouldn't agree, I did. But I was not happy. I stayed, but I wasn't happy. I never really loved her. I am embarrassed to say this to you, but it was just physical. That's all."

Looking into Arizona's eyes, Callie wanted to reassure her wife. "Then I met you that day in the hospital. And everything changed. You were a breath of fresh air. You were sunshine. You were unlike anyone I had ever met. And your smile was infectious. I am not lying when I say that I fell in love with you that day in the emergency room. Everything changed for me that day. I had to end it with Caterina. Going home the next day, I had a long talk with her. I told her I met someone. That someone was you. And, I asked the her to move out. It was over. We had been over for a long time. I just didn't know how to tell her. That's the truth. The whole story. I promise."

The silence grew like oceans. Wave after wave of quiet filled the kitchen. You could hear breathing, but nothing more. As they sat in silence, guilt crept up the brunette's shoulder. Climbing into her mind and wrapping itself around her. She had to admit to herself that she hadn't been honest with her wife. She did keep her affair quiet, on purpose.

Waiting for Arizona to speak, Callie sat attentively and patiently listening. Yet, now words were spoken. Arizona just looked at her with a straight face. No expression. No sound. No noise. Just staring at one another for a long time. And then it came. The moment of truth. As the blonde furrowed her eyebrows and looked at the tanned face that stared back, Arizona said the only thing she knew to say. How she really felt.

"You should have just told me." Arizona said, breaking the silence that hung in the air.

"I know." Callie answered.

"You still haven't explained why? Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"Because I didn't want you to think less of me because I had an affair. I thought that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. I was ashamed. I still am." And there it was. The truth. Rejection. The most common emotional wound sustained in daily life. Callie was afraid of Arizona's rejection of her lifestyle choices that had taken place, long before she had ever met the blonde. She was afraid of Arizona's rejection of her as a wife.

The need for her wife's acceptance was key to Callie's survival. She wanted Arizona to believe in her. Consider her. Accept her. Without her wife's acceptance, Callie was like a lost ship. Aimlessly wandering about. She had felt that way for much of her life. Never being with anyone that made her feel accepted. Except for Arizona. But would that change? Would Arizona still believe in her? And now, with her wife's knowledge of this affair; those feelings of insecurity crept up once again in Callie's mind. Would her wife have issues with trust after learning this? Would Arizona just let this go, as she done other things in the past? Once again...questions. To many questions.

"I would have rather you told me than for me find out later. Like this. Do you have any idea how I feel? Knowing that you were trying to date me, and still engaged to someone else. That just...it kind of makes you think, you know. What happens when one day, you get bored, or suffocated like you said? What happens when you meet someone else? Someone that's more energetic than me? More...what were your words...I was sunshine I believe you said. Well what happens when you meet someone more sunshiny than me? What then? Will you leave me?" A single tear fell from a pale face. She had cried enough for one night. She had screamed enough for one night. She had...well, she felt she had enough of everything...for one night.

Callie's worst fears were acknowledged. They were coming true...right before her very eyes. Her wife...did not have that trust in her. The trust that she once had. And, Callie desperately seeked to resolve this. Before it settled and became a dividing force between them.

"I would never do that to you." Kneeling down in front of Arizona, Callie put her hands on her wife's ever expanding belly. The space between them had grown...due to their son's existence. "You have to believe me. I would never do that to you. I love you. I am so in love with you. You are the reason I get up every morning. That smile is the first thing I want to see when I wake up. You have to believe me."

Moving her hand to brush Arizona's blonde hair from her face, Callie said, "I have never met anyone like you. You are it for me. You're my home."

Taking the chance, Callie softly grazed her wife's lips with her own. It wasn't about sex. It wasn't about pleasure. It was reassurance. The need to reassure Arizona that...she was in this for the long haul. For the duration of their marriage. Until death chose to part them. She would not attempt to find, or ever entertain another woman. She had no desire. No sense of adventuring down that road ever again. Arizona was her world. Their son, soon to be born, was Callie's world. They were both...her home.