CHAPTER 30

Three Weeks Later

"Maddy..what are you still doing here? I'm telling you he's fine," whispered Matt coming up behind me. I had been standing next to Finn's crib for the last hour looking down at him.

"This is not like him, Matt. He always nurses before he goes to bed. This is the third night in a row that he's done this," I said. For the last few nights, Finn hadn't wanted to nurse. He'd latch on for a few seconds, then pull away and cry. I was concerned he was coming down with something.

"I wouldn't worry too much, Maddy. It's been a hectic weekend, what with his birthday party and everything. Maybe he's just tired. He could be weaning himself, too. He's at that age now, isn't he?" said Matt. We both gazed down at our beautiful little boy, who was snuggled up with his favorite blanket looking like he didn't have a worry in the world.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm being a worrywart," I said, leaning my head on Matt's shoulder. Matt snaked his arm around my waist as we both stood at the side of the crib looking at our son.

"No, baby...you're being a mom," he said. "Come on, he'll be fine. Besides, I've got a little surprise for you," said Matt, taking my hand and leading me out of Finn's room and into our bedroom. Still holding my hand, he took me into the bathroom to show me he had drawn a bubble bath. Lit candles were placed all around the edge of the tub and a bottle of champagne and two glasses were sitting in the back corner of the tub.

"Awww, Matt. How did you know that this is exactly what I needed?" I said, stroking his face with my fingers.

"I know my wife very well. Here...let me help you out of your dress," he said, giving me a soft kiss. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and returned his kiss with pleasure. He unzipped the back of my dress and pushed it off my shoulders. I let it fall to the floor around my feet. Matt pulled his t-shirt off over his head and stepped out of his shorts and underwear. I hadn't seen him naked in well over a month and I was surprised at the level of arousal that I was experiencing, mainly because in the time that I had been back home, we hadn't yet been intimate. I think Matt was keeping a respectable distance on purpose. He was always good at sensing what I was feeling without me saying a word. Whenever we were in bed together, he would hold me close to him. We would caress each other and kiss passionately, but Matt hadn't pressed it any further than that. He would say that he would wait until I was ready and I was thankful for that. I was processing through it the best I could, using my own infidelity as a reminder to go easier on Matt than I might have ordinarily.

"Come on in, baby." Matt stepped into the tub and extended his hand out to me. I removed my bra and panties, feeling a little foolish at my level of embarrassment. Matt had seen me naked hundreds of times throughout our relationship, yet I felt as though he were seeing me without clothes for the first time. I took his hand and stepped into the bath. He pulled my back up against the front of his body and pressed his mouth against my ear.

"You're so beautiful, Maddy," he whispered. I reached my hand up behind me to caress the side of his face. "It's okay if I say that now, right?"

"Yeah, Captain...it's okay," I said. He sat down in the warm water, pulling me down between his legs. He handed me one of the glasses, then wrapped his arms around the front of me just underneath my breasts. The wine was cold and felt good trickling down my throat. The warm water and luxuriously soft bubbles felt amazing. Him holding me also felt pretty damn good.

"Doesn't this feel nice?"

"Oh God, yes," I said, leaning my head back against his chest and taking another ample sip of champagne. He kissed the side of my head and squeezed me tight. I closed my eyes and revelled in the sense of relaxation that had washed over me. Matt lathered up the body puff that had been floating near us and began to run it down my arms, across the top of my chest and over my breasts. The sensation of the warm water and bubbles cascading over my skin felt incredible. The softness of the netted material brushing across my nipples made them stand erect. I arched my back against him, allowing him more access to my body for the first time since before we had separated.

"How am I doing?" he asked. Even though my back was towards him, I could see the sly grin on his face as if I was looking directly at him.

"Beautifully, Captain," I said, turning around to face him. His hand caught the side of my neck and pulled me in towards his face until our mouths met in a perfect, soft, deep, wet kiss.

"Have you thought anymore about Les's offer?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot," I said.

"I think it would be amazing, Maddy. You light up the stage every time you sing," he said.

"You'd be supportive of me doing this?"

"Of course I would," he said, squeezing me a little tighter.

"I would love to do it. The extra money would be nice, too," I said.

"I want you to be happy, Maddy. I love you," he said, his voice croaking with emotion. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sound of his beating heart. I first heard its familiar thump when we were sixteen years old and even then, it always sounded like home to me, the place where I belonged. I had loved Matthew a lot longer than I had loved Jace and I couldn't deny that being in my husband's arms felt more right than it had in several weeks.

"I love you too," I said softly. He kissed me again before getting out of the tub and wrapping a towel around his waist. He grabbed another towel and extended his hand to me to help me up out of the bath. He tenderly dried my arms and back before wrapping the towel around me.

"I'll let you finish. I'll be waiting for you in bed," he said, giving me another kiss before leaving the bathroom. My heart was pounding out of my chest at the thought of what might happen next. Matt hadn't attempted to be intimate in the last month, staying true to his word that he would be patient and wait until I was ready. His body had felt warm and wet and comforting and I couldn't deny the sexual tension between us. I knew Matt wouldn't necessarily be expecting us to have sex tonight, but I did know that he'd be hoping we would. He had been patient and understanding of my need for some time to process everything and tonight, with his sweet attempts at calming my fears over Finn, I finally felt that I was ready. I brushed my teeth and ran a comb through my hair before pulling my nightie over my head. I opened the bathroom door to the sound of "At Last" by Etta James playing and him standing in the middle of our room, still wearing the towel around his waist.

"Dance with me, baby," he said, walking over to me and taking my hand in his. We moved back to the middle of the room. He placed one hand in mine and other on the small of my back, pulling me into his body. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as we began to move slowly.

"I remember this song," I said, looking into his eyes. He smiled softly at me before putting the side of his head against mine.

"It was the last song played at our wedding," he said. I nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

"That was an amazing day," I said.

"Every day with you has been amazing," he replied. We stopped dancing and he brought his hands up to the sides of my neck. He leaned down, brushing his lips across mine before sinking into a deep wet kiss. My body responded immediately. I held his head firmly in my hands as we deepened the kiss, our tongues tangling with one another. I felt my nipples stiffen against the feel of his chest hair brushing against them and his erection pressing against my stomach.

"I want to make love to you, Maddy...but say the word and I'll stop if you're not ready," he whispered into my mouth.

"I'm ready," I said breathlessly. He guided me over to the side of the bed. He lifted the thin straps of my nightie off my shoulders and pushed it down to the floor around my feet. He caressed the skin of my neck and shoulders before moving his hands down to my breasts. He cupped them, letting his thumbs brush across my nipples as he leaned down for another kiss. I grabbed his head and hungrily pulled his mouth to mine. He pulled the towel from around his waist and discarded it on the floor, then encircled his hands around my waist and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his hips, our mouths never losing contact with each other as he walked us over to the overstuffed chair in the corner of the room near the window. He sat me down on the cushion and kneeled down in front of me. He lifted each of my legs on the arms of the chair, then ducked his head between my legs. The moment his tongue hit my flesh, I arched my back and thrust my pelvis forward. He held onto my hips as his tongue made small slippery circles around my quivering little bud. I could only watch and let my body respond as it wanted as he masterfully controlled it with each flick of his tongue. He got up on his knees and pushed his arms underneath my back, pulling me up to him. Our mouths met in a deep, wet kiss.

"I love you so much, Maddy," he whispered into my mouth. He poised the head of his cock at the opening to my sex.

"I love you too...but don't you need a condom?" I said, trying not to break the mood.

"I want us to have another baby, Maddy. Don't you want that too?" he said, taking me by complete surprise.

"You know I do, but you said we couldn't because I wanted to quit my job the next time we had a child."

"Never mind what I said. We'll figure it out. I want you to be happy, Maddy. That's all that matters to me," he said.

"Oh, Matt," I said. A few tears escaped down my cheeks. He stood up, pulling me up with him, then he picked me up and carried me back to the bed. He sat me down on the edge and I scooted back, leaning my head against the pillows. I spread my legs apart, welcoming him as he crawled up between them. He kissed me softly before gently guiding himself inside me. I wrapped my arms around his back, digging my nails into his flesh as he thrust slowly and deeply. I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts, holding on hard and biting his shoulder, making him cry out. He quickened his pace, thrusting harder and looking directly into my eyes as he moved. Without warning, my body suddenly felt paralyzed. Images of him and Gabby Dawson popped into my head, making me feel like I had turned to stone.

"Stop, Matt! Don't! Get off of me!" I yelled, pushing him off of me. I rolled over away from him, bringing my knees up to my chest and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Maddy, baby...what is it? Did I do something wrong?" he said, caressing my hair. I shook my head no.

"No, Matt...no. I'm sorry. It's just…" I couldn't finish speaking for the constant flow of tears.

"It's just what, baby? Tell me, please," he said, his voice choked with emotion. I laid there for a minute, still unable to speak. "Baby, look at me, tell me what's wrong," he said. I slowly turned my body around. The look on his face broke my heart.

"The image of you and her came into my head. I couldn't stop it. I'm sorry, Matt...so sorry," I said, the sobs taking over again.

"Oh, baby...don't be sorry! I'm the one that should be sorry," he said, gently gathering me up into his arms. I pressed my face into the base of his neck and cried, holding on to him.

"I never expected this to happen, Matt. I wanted you so much. Please don't be mad at me," I said weakly.

"I'm not mad at you, Maddy. I'm mad at myself," he said.

"I do love you, Matt. Please believe that," I said.

"I do, baby…and I love you. We'll get through this, I promise," he said.

"Yes, we will," I said.

We had to.