9,556 words. Holy shit... I hadn't intended for this chapter to be so long, but there was just so much stuff that I wanted to cover with this one that it kind of grew. But after all, this is what the last 35 chapters and 148,000 words have been leading up to. I hope I did this moment justice... it took several re-reads and edits to make it like this, but I'm happy with this result. I hope you guys will be, too :)
On a different note, I was blown away by all of your guys' kind words last chapter. I'm so happy that everyone is enjoying this story! When I started it in August last year, I did not expect myself to get this far. But all the reviews and positive vibes from everyone is just amazing. Seeing a gmail notification when a review gets left instantly gets me excited to read it. Love you all 3
Corona is really fucking us up right now, isn't it? My plan was, and still is, to keep this story going until Season 4 drops, but it seems like filming is going to be postponed for MONTHS. ffs. Either way, I'm going to keep writing this for as long as I can. I still have a lot of ideas about how I can continue the story, so have faith, haha. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter.
Yug: I hope so, too! Fuck Troy, lmao. The crew is going to have to watch out in the future.
Guest: Thank you! I try to make this story as in-line with the characters as possible. I've seen the entire show at least a dozen times, so it annoys me when I read other fics and I see characters being portrayed poorly. I think that showing the more sexual side of relationships is very important, because it is something that I think exists in all high school relationships. Mike and El love each other more than any other pair of fourteen year olds, but when you mix that with the fact that, you know, they're also just horny teens at the end of the day, you get all sorts of stuff happening with them on a physical level. In regards to their season 3 awkwardness, I hope you agree with how I portrayed it here. This is how I always imagined it when I first saw the scene. Thanks for the review!
Hypersushi: We will have to see, won't we?
Shrike176: Thank you! Very representative of what I think a lot of high school-age teens would do things. The fact that they will be separated soon definitely plays a part in it. In terms of High school, yeah, things are moving along there. I know that Max and Mike can't hate each other forever, so perhaps they'll one day be considered closer friends. And things with Troy are definitely escalating, but we will have to see where that goes.
e1evenwhee1er: Thank you! I'm glad. I have a feeling no one objects to a Mileven-centered story, am I right? haha. And thank you so much, really. It's actually flattering to hear that the way I write is like an episode of the show 3 that's always the goal I was aiming for. But because it's not being aired on Netflix, I can get more down and dirty, not just with sexual stuff, but with things like drugs and alcohol, which, given the wait we might have until season 4, might come around at some point. I need to stay true to the high school experience, after all. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Luna0603: Good to hear, haha! I'm happy that you're able to see the true feelings they have for one another in their sexual interactions. The last thing this story is about is just two horny teens. Mike and El got far deeper than that, as you can see through their talks before and after. Fuck Troy, indeed! We will have to see where things go with him. El and Will's growing sibling dynamic is something that I enjoy writing about, so I'm glad you enjoy it. In regards to Hopper, I agree. I have a feeling that he might start appearing in some chapters, given the long wait we will certainly have until S4. I'll have to think about what I'd want to write about. Enjoy the chapter!
Jbg: Thank you! I'm glad that this story is giving you some entertainment during these times. Although, the fact that I have no work or school is definitely one of the reasons why I was able to make 10k word chapter, haha. I'm still thinking about whether or not I'd like to add Hopper, but if I decide to, I hope you still stick around :) Enjoy the chapter!
El lay wide awake in her bed, her mind spinning frantically. Matter how hard she tried, she couldn't manage to clear her mind enough for her to fall asleep. The reason for it? She knew. And she was willing to bet that most of the other people in the Byers house were feeling the same way. It was the last day of September, meaning tomorrow was October first.
Tomorrow, the Byers were moving out of Hawkins.
Even saying the sentence in her head was enough to draw her to tears. The day had snuck up on her like a stalking cat. After spending that evening with Mike a month ago, they had continued to hang out as much as they could. Sometimes they messed around; most times they didn't though, mainly due to the fear of being caught; they didn't get a whole lot of alone time.
Other than that, she had spent many weekends, and sometimes the hours after school, hanging out with the rest of the Party. When she wasn't with her friends, she spent her time occupying herself with the work Joyce gave her or enjoying some of her own hobbies. She enjoyed reading a lot. Will gave her one of his old notebooks a while back that she sometimes doodled in.
But she didn't tell anyone that.
El had to admit that at times she got bored. Actually, it was quite often she found herself struggling to find ways to keep herself occupied. Especially during the hours when everyone else was at school; she could never talk to Mike on the Supercom, or hang out with anyone; even Joyce was at work for most of the time.
It was upsetting because it often reminded her of the time she spent in the cabin, back when she still lived with Hopper. Although back then, she truly was in complete isolation, other than in the mornings and evenings when he was home for a couple of hours before and after work.
She rolled over on her side, finding her current position not suitable for falling asleep. At the front of her bedroom were nearly a dozen cardboard boxes of varying sizes, all filled with her belongings; clothes, board games, books, and some dolls and toys that she hadn't touched in ages but kept for the sake of their emotional value. The walls of her bedroom were bare; where photos and posters once hang, there was nothing. The furniture from her room was mostly in the living room, apart from her desk and her bed, which they would be transporting into the truck tomorrow.
Fortunately, the Party had planned to all come to their house and help them with the moving process, so they wouldn't be doing it alone. Admittedly, despite everything that was going on, there was one thing at the forefront of her mind that was taking priority even over moving; Mike.
It had been months. It wasn't hard for her to tell all the times when he had almost accidentally said that he loved her. She knew (or at least, she was pretty sure) that he did, and she definitely knew that she loved him. But, honestly, she was just waiting for him to say it. Somehow, she didn't want to be the one to say it first. She was worried that he'd think that she didn't understand what it fully meant, or doubt her or something.
Do you even know what that means, El? She doubted he would say something like that, but what if he did? Or what if something else happened? Mike was always the one person who never second-guessed her and treated her like an actual, regular person. Well, Hopper did too, but he was gone now.
She really didn't want to leave Hawkins without him admitting how she felt; she wanted him to know she loved him. And he wanted to hear him say it back. But would it have to come down to her just telling him straight up? She supposed that if he didn't make the first move, then that's what she'd have to do. No matter what.
She closed her eyes, the last thought being her determined resolution to finally tell Mike what she'd been wanting to tell him since the Fourth.
Mike awoke slowly, feeling rather disoriented. He realized what day it was and he groaned and wrapped himself up in his bedsheets. He didn't want to get up, but he knew he had to. This was the last day that he was going to seel El and Will and the rest of the Byers until most likely Thanksgiving.
Maybe if I stay here, they just won't go.
He snorted sarcastically at himself. Why couldn't he just get a grip? Why couldn't he just accept that they were moving away, and carry on with his life? He knew the answer, but he didn't want to admit it.
Because he loved her. He loved El. It's not like he was embarrassed to say it. No, that's not why he didn't want to tell her. He just didn't want to tell her because he was afraid of what El might say if he did. He still wasn't even sure if she had heard him all that time ago in the cabin. But if she had, why hadn't she said anything?
He didn't know.
All he knew was that a large part of him wanted to tell her; this was something that had been weighing down on him ever since he accidentally slipped up when he was talking on the Fourth. And the worst part of it was that he had slipped up in front of everyone, except for, of course, El.
So everyone knew, except for her. What a great situation to be in. But she deserved to know. In less than twelve hours, he'd be saying goodbye to her for the last time in a long time. He huffed a heavy sigh and pushed the thought aside. He'd start thinking about it when he was there. He'd have to feel out the situation beforehand; deciding what he was going to do now was frivolous.
With heavy reluctance, he dragged himself out of his bed and trudged to the bathroom where he had a long, hot shower. Yet somehow, even after he was done, he still didn't feel completely awake. Which was odd, because usually, a long shower did the trick when he felt lethargic.
He had a slow breakfast while absent-mindedly answering his Mom's bothersome questions about Will moving and what he was going to do today, the whole spiel. He wasn't feeling that hungry. He wasn't feeling that much of anything really. The only thing he did feel was a pit in his stomach that seemed to be getting bigger every second.
"When are you leaving?" she asked him and Nancy.
"As soon as we're done eating," Nancy replied. Mike glanced over at her, startled by her
voice. He had almost forgotten she was even here. It hadn't even occurred to her that he wasn't the only one who was saying goodbye to a significant other today. Jonathan was leaving too. He felt a pang of sympathy for her, knowing what she must be going through right now.
But he wasn't going to say that out loud.
"Okay, just let me know before you leave," she replied. "And make sure you get something to eat for lunch, or just come back here. Alright?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it Mom, okay?" he replied impatiently. "We can take care of ourselves."
His Mom raised her arms in the air in mock-surrender. "Okay, okay, okay," she repeated. "I just don't want you guys going hungry, or something."
"Mm-hm," Mike grumbled, picking at his scrambled eggs. He cursed under his breath and stabbed the last bit with his fork aggressively and jammed it inside his mouth and stormed to his bedroom.
"Mike?" his mom called. When he didn't answer, she started to go up after him but Nancy interjected.
"Mom, wait," she said, standing up out of her chair. "He's fine, he's just upset about Will moving. Just… give him some space, okay?"
She looked toward the stairwell, a concerned look on her face. "Well… okay, if you think so. I know you guys have gotten a little bit closer in the last year, so…"
"Right," Nancy agreed. "Just trust me."
Her mom nodded and went back toward the counter to resume what she had been doing. Nancy looked down at her plate and decided that she wasn't hungry enough to finish her toast. She took her plate and rinsed it off before putting it in the dishwasher.
"Thanks for breakfast, Mom," she told her, and started making her way upstairs before waiting for a reply. When she got to the top, she detracted from her usual route to her bedroom and knocked on Mike's door.
"I don't wanna talk right now, Mom," he replied gruffly.
"It's Nancy," she replied, biting back a light laugh.
"Oh… okay, come in, I guess," was his answer.
She opened the door and saw Mike sitting on his bed, staring at the floor. "You alright?"
He shrugged and didn't look up. "I… no, I'm not," he replied, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat. "I don't want them to go, Nancy."
She went to him and sat down on the bed beside him. "I know how you feel… I know."
"With Jonathan, right?" Mike looked up at her.
"Mm-hm," she nodded slowly, not meeting his eyes.
"Do you love him?"
She whipped her head around to face him, caught off guard by his question. "Oh- um…" Did she love him? If she was honest, she didn't really know. She might. It hadn't been at the forefront of her mind; she had just been focusing on the fact that he was leaving.
"I don't… I don't know, Mike. Maybe."
They sat in silence for a couple more minutes, simply enjoying each other's company. "I don't even know how I'm going to be able to talk to her, Nancy," he said, fighting tears. "I just… I'm so scared of her not being here, or of something happening to her when she goes away. I don't want to say goodbye to her. I don't know how to say goodbye to her."
"What do you mean?"
Mike sighed and put his face in his hands. "I don't know, I just… what am I going to say? I won't see her for months, and I love her. What if I say the wrong thing? What if it's awkward?"
"It won't be awkward, Mike," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Just… be yourself. That's what she likes. And you're probably not the only one… she's probably worried about saying goodbye, too. This sort of thing is hard to do with someone… especially when you love them."
El closed her eyes and breathed out slowly while the hot water flowed down her body. Showers usually helped her deal with her emotions and calm her down when she was nervous or stressed, but this time, her regular strategy proved to be unsuccessful.
She was finding it hard to comprehend what today was; she'd be saying goodbye to the first true family she'd ever had; the Party. Not forever, but for the next few months, until she could see them again for a weekend on Thanksgiving. But then after that, it would be another few long months before seeing them.
So no, she wasn't saying goodbye to them forever. But it certainly felt like it.
How would she even be able to function today? Every second it felt like she was going to break down and cry, and he was constantly swallowing the lump that kept coming back in her throat. She was barely able to say good morning to Joyce on her way to the bathroom from her bedroom with a straight face.
How would she even be able to even look at Mike without crying? She didn't want to go; she would have given anything for the chance to bring him with them or to just stay here with him. The time she spent in the cabin without him for three-hundred-and-a-half days was forever ingrained in her mind; she couldn't fathom only seeing him a few times a year.
Facing her friends today was going to be difficult.
She finished rinsing out her hair and turned off the water, and toweled herself dry slowly, not particularly eager to step back into the world and face everyone. She hadn't spoken to Will or Jonathan yet, but she had a hunch that they were probably feeling pretty upset about things, too.
After getting dressed, she made her way to the kitchen and saw Joyce working on a bowl of cereal. "Hey, sweetie," she said, smiling. "How you feeling?"
She shrugged and didn't meet her eye. "Okay," she replied simply. She didn't have enough faith in herself to say anything more.
"You want breakfast? There's some cereal on the counter."
She nodded and poured herself a bowl and sat down on the opposite side of the table from Joyce. Neither of them spoke for a while until Joyce finally broke the silence.
"So, you're up early," she pointed out. "Wanted to get a quick start, or what?"
El shrugged again. "I didn't sleep well. I don't know."
"Oh," she answered. She was about to ask why, but the answer was obvious, and she didn't want to sound like an idiot. "El, I know you're upset about this, but… don't worry, okay? You're not saying goodbye to them forever, we can come back and visit as often as we can. We'll get through it, okay?"
El looked at her but didn't answer. "You're not still mad at me, are you?" Joyce asked.
She shook her head. "No, I know why we have to go… I just don't want to. And I'm nervous about seeing Mike."
Joyce's eyebrows shot up. "Nervous about Mike? Why?"
She didn't know how else to say it. It was Joyce, so she could be trusted. She had been there for her ever since she first moved in with them, and had helped with everything. Because of her, she had somewhere to live. "Because I love him."
For a moment, Joyce didn't react. That was the last thing she had expected her to say. She didn't even know if El fully understood the significance of the phrase. But she knew better than to ask El if she did, because that was just a perfect recipe to piss her off. She had learned a long time ago that others doubting her abilities and aptitude was her biggest pet peeve.
"Have you told him yet?" she asked.
She shook her head, staring at the floor. "No, I… I haven't really gotten the chance."
"Are you scared that she won't say it back?" she questioned.
"Well, I've already heard him say it. But it wasn't… he didn't say it to me," she admitted.
Joyce was confused. "What do you mean?"
El looked around the room, as if trying to never let her eyes fall on Joyce. For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to look at anyone right now. "On the Fourth, I was in the void looking for Billy. Mike… he got into an argument with Max about whether or not it was okay that I was using my powers for so long and he… he said that he loved me."
Joyce furrowed her brow. "Then what happened?"
"Then I came out, and asked what was happening, and they told me nothing."
"And he hasn't told you since?"
El shook her head. "I want to tell him today, but… I don't know if I should. Or how."
"Because you don't want to leave without him knowing?"
"Yes," she confirmed quietly. "I'm kind of nervous, it… it seems like a big deal."
"Well, it shouldn't have to be," she put her hand on El's and rubbed her thumb over it. "Just tell him, sweetie. There's no way he won't react well. If what you're saying is true, then you already know his answer. Right?"
What Joyce was saying made sense, she guessed.
So why was she still so nervous?
"What's up, guys?" Lucas greeted Dustin and Miked after he opened his front door to them.
"Not much," Dustin replied casually. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah, let me grab my coat real quick," he answered. He looked toward Mike, who hadn't spoken yet. "You alright, Mike?"
He didn't answer. Dustin rapped him gently on the side of his arm with his knuckles. "Earth to Michael," he said. "You good?"
He finally snapped out of his trance. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm… I'm okay."
Lucas and Dustin exchanged knowing glances, knowing exactly what was going on. "Look, man, we know what you're you're thinking about. Just… let us know if we can do anything to help, okay?"
Mike offered them a small smile. He knew he probably didn't say it enough, but he was incredibly thankful for his friends. "Thanks, guys. I appreciate that, really."
Both of them nodded. "No worries, dude," Dustin acknowledged.
"It's almost nine o'clock, we should head over to Max's, then get to Will's," Lucas announced. The group of teens murmured in agreement at his point, and the three of them started down the driveway of his house.
"See you later, nerds," Erica called from the front door as they reached the road. Dustin and Mike rolled their eyes.
"Shut up, Erica!"
When Max, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike finally got to the Byers house on their bikes, Nancy had already gotten there; she had taken the car. She and Jonathan were working together to a move a couch out of the main door, but it looked like Nancy was having some trouble.
"Hold on, Nancy, let me help," Mike called, and ran over to her side. "Here, let go."
Nancy grunted and was able to shift the weight into Mike's hands. "Thanks," she said gratefully. "I thought I was gonna drop it."
"You're welcome," he replied, focusing on trying to walk backwards down the steps holding the heavy piece of furniture.
"Been lifting weights?" Jonathan asked him, chuckling.
"What?" Mike answered, a laugh escaping him. "What do you mean?"
They finally got over to the truck and placed the couch on the ground. Jonathan slapped his hands together, and Mike saw the dust that was caked on them fly off. "I just have a feeling you wouldn't have been able to do that a couple months ago, that's all."
"Oh," he said, scratching the back of his and furrowing his brow. "I don't know, I have gym this semester. I've been doing a lot of push-ups. Maybe I've beefed up."
Jonathan hummed a second light laugh before going back into the house. "Damn, Mike," Dustin joked from behind him. "Maybe Troy is leaving you alone just because he thinks you're stronger than him."
Mike scoffed. "Give me a break," he muttered. "He's a lot stronger than me, I've seen him."
The other teens raised their eyebrows but didn't carry on the conversation. They all followed suit where Jonathan had gone and entered the house. They weren't prepared for what it looked like.
"Holy shit," Dustin whispered. "Okay, this is too weird. This is really weird."
As he looked around, Mike couldn't help but feel emotional. He had spent a staggering amount of time in this house, especially during his elementary school and kindergarten years. Back then, he and Will would hang out at his house or over here nearly every day after school. Seeing everything either gone or going was… well, depressing. The walls were utterly barren; all the bookshelves and family photos were gone; the rugs and mats that used to lie on the ground were nowhere to be seen, leaving a rather unattractive and deserted-looking wood-paneling floor. There were still some things in the kitchen, and there were still tons of cardboard boxes with various labels scrawled in a Sharpie on them, so the house wasn't completely empty… not yet, at least.
Mike's train of thought was interrupted when a frazzled-looking Joyce entered the room they were standing in. "Oh, hey guys," she said, out of breath. "Thanks for coming."
"No worries, Mrs. Byers," Dustin replied. The rest of them echoed his answer with nods of agreement. "What can we do to help?"
Joyce turned around and surveyed the room, running her hand through her frizzy hair. "Ummm… there's some stuff in the storage room that needs to be boxed still, and the kitchen has some things too. Jonathan and Nancy are in his room, El and Will are still packing up their stuff in their rooms."
"Okay, then it looks like we're gonna divide and conquer here, guys," Lucas clapped his hands together. "Me and Max will get the stuff in the storeroom. We can box it all-"
"Mom, where does the- oh, hi, guys." Everyone in the living room turned around and saw Will and El standing in the bedroom hallway, both of them holding a box each filled with their own possessions. Both of them were looking pretty timid and on-edge.
"What's up, guys?" Max greeted them.
"Hey," came from Lucas
"Yo," was Dustin.
Mike was about to say hi when his eyes fell on El and his voice fizzled out. They locked eyes and he could tell that they were both thinking the same thing. As soon as their stares connected they both turned in a different direction. Great.
It was clear that right now, for both of them, it seemed easier to pretend like this wasn't happening than to actually acknowledge it. "Uh… hi, guys," was all Mike could manage.
Will nodded at him, and El simply waved. Jesus Christ, this is awful. Why was everything so awkward? Mike felt like he was about to run back out the front door where he came from when Dustin (God bless him) finally broke the silence. "Alright, let's get to work!"
Mike watched him, Lucas, Max, Joyce, and Will all disperse, leaving only him and El in the living room, staring at one another awkwardly. At that moment, he was finding it incredibly hard to speak; he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. Her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail; it highlighted how it had grown even longer since the beginning of the summer. She still hadn't cut it since then, and now fell neatly an inch below her shoulder line. He had grown very accustomed to stroking his fingers through it when they hugged or made out (or, as of recently), or when she was giving him a blowjob.
Don't think about that now, Mike. The last thing he needed was a unneeded boner in front of everyone.
She was wearing that plaid shirt that she always did; it was her favorite shirt she had, and he knew it for a fact. It was the first shirt Hopper had gotten her when he took her in, and she treasured it dearly. Her porcelain skin reflected the sunlight coming through all the opened windows in the room, making it seem like she was glowing like an angel. Her large brown eyes that he would stare into forever seemed to be looking around him, rather than at him.
"Hi, El…" he said slowly and unsurely.
"Hey," she replied quietly. There was a noticeable tension in the room, but neither of them could quite understand why. It's not like something bad had happened the last time they were together. But they both knew that the true problem that faced them had nothing to do with something one of them had done. This would be the last time they would be seeing each other for months. And for some reason, the idea of that made everything just seem weird and awkward.
"Do you… want some help getting stuff out of your room?" he asked in an effort to break the silence.
"Um, yeah, sure… thanks," she replied. Mike followed her down the hallway as she led him to her room, neither of them talking. El opened the door for him and he stepped into her room and felt a pang of sadness. She had only been living in this bedroom for around three months, but it seemed as though they already had so many shared first experiences and memories of things happening here over the summer.
All of the furniture in the room was still present, along with some of her books and belongings that had been collected on her shelves and table surfaces. Mike's eyes fell on the collection of small gifts that he had gotten her over time since they were reunited. Valentine's Day cards, photos, his mixtape, drawings, and love notes… it seemed like every single thing he had ever given to her was present.
"I want to bring all of this stuff," she stated quietly, gesturing toward her things with a sweep of her arm. "It's gonna go in this box, here." She went behind her bed and produced a small cardboard box with bubble wrap lining the insides. On the outside was a piece of masking tape on it with the word "Mike" written on it.
Mike turned red and looked toward her. "You have a… box just for me?"
El smiled back sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders. "Well… yeah, I don't want to leave anything behind," she explained. "I want to have this stuff so I can remember you in Des Moins."
"Oh, right," he nodded. "That's the town, right?"
"Mm-hm," she verified, and grabbed a small photo album from her dresser. It was a small thing, with only around a dozen pages. It had all of the photos that were taken on the Snowball of her and Mike and some other members of the Party. She opened the first page and saw her and Mike standing in front of the snowflake screen, their arms around each other, smiling.
El reached out with her index finger and gently traced it along the glossy surface of the photo where his smiling face was. She felt the bump in her throat again when it occurred to her that she would probably never get to go to another school dance with him for the rest of her time in school.
Mike noticed what she was looking at and peered over her shoulder. "Hm," he chuckled. "That was a good day."
El's lips curved upward in a small smile in spite of herself. "I remember," she reminisced. "You asked me to be your girlfriend that day."
"Uh-huh," he agreed. They locked eyes and looked at each other for a brief moment. He stepped toward and wrapped his arms around her neck and she flung her arms around his chest and across his back and squeezed him as hard as she could without suffocating him.
"I don't want to go, Mike," she finally broke down in his arms, and her whole body shook as she let out all the emotions that had been practically bursting at her seams all morning. "I don't want to leave you." He bit on his tongue to hold in his cries of anguish.
"I know, El," he said, rubbing his hands along her back, trying his best to maintain his composure. "I know. But remember… hey, look at me." He let go of her and put his hands on either side of her head and held it softly. "It's like I told you last month, okay? We'll get through it. We always get through it."
El raised her hand up to meet Mike's on her face and she brought it down, squeezing it hard. She looked at him for a long time, right in the eyes. She could see the raw emotion in his expression seem to soften, showing nothing but love and hope and adoration. "Mike…"
They were staring at one another. She had the words on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn't bring herself to say them. Why not? What's wrong with me?! Just tell him!
"I know, Mike," she finally managed to say. "We'll be okay."
For the rest of the afternoon, Mike and El and the rest of the Party kept themselves occupied with moving all the stuff out of the house and making sure everything was clean and taken care of. The dynamic between everyone in the house was odd; the whole situation was so surreal for all of them, especially for Will, Mike, Lucas, and Dustin. They had been best friends for years, and it never occurred to them that one day they would be seperated. Back when they were twelve, they thought that they would always be together, playing D and D and having fun. Now that it was nearly two years later, their lives had changed in such drastic ways. It felt like no one could even wrap their heads around what was happening. Maybe why that was why things felt so… awkward and weird.
After their long hug, Mike and El had not spoken much; they had worked together to clear the last few things out of her room without much conversation. The whole time, El was kicking herself for not telling him that she loved him at the time when it made sense. But once again, she had choked in the heat of the moment. For some reason that she couldn't understand, she was afraid to admit her true feelings to him. Which seemed ridiculous to her; their relationship had become nothing but stronger since the Fourth, and it seemed like almost every day her feelings for him grew stronger.
So why couldn't she just spit it out?
As she was packing up the last few things in her room, she heard Lucas's and Max's voices coming from the main area. Their voices bounced off the walls with an echo since the house was so empty. "Turnnn around… look at what you seeee-eee-eee…"
"Shut up, guys!"
For the first time in hours, she cracked a smile. Leave it Lucas and Max to tease Dustin about that. That song had been a running joke between the friend group the whole summer; it was the easiest way to get on Dustin's nerves.
Mike walked back into the house from the driveway and laughed, listening to his friends' duet. "Turn around… look at what you see, in her face… the mirror of your dreams… rhymes that keep their secrets… will unfold behind the clouds-"
"Wait, did we get that verse right? It's unfold behind the clouds?" Max asked, her tone dripping with mockery and sarcasm.
"Yeah," Dustin said, glaring at her. "But you're butchering it, so could you please stop?"
"So then join in, Dusty-bun," Lucas shot back, blowing him an air kiss.
"Yeah, c'mon Dusty-bun, why don't you join us?" Max teased.
"You guys are so funny, you should be Carson."
"Can't we just hear your rendition?" Max asked.
"No."
"Please? Just one verse," she begged.
"No! No way," he shouted. "It's reserved for Suzie's ears and Suzie ear's alone," he snapped, and stared at them, as if challenging them to start singing again. Lucas's head whipped to the left and he and Max looked at one another and shared a knowing look.
"Turrrnn arooouund… look at what you seeeee-eee-ee…"
Dustin flipped his middle finger up at them and waved it around. "Shut up, you guys!"
Mike chuckled to himself and walked past them after witnessing the spectacle. He was about to grab a second box to bring into the yard when he saw Will put his Dungeons and Dragons box in the donation box.
"Whoa, dude," he said. "That's the donation box."
"I know. I'll just use yours when I come back," he replied. "I mean, if we still wanna play."
Of course he'd be willing to play when he came back, but what if Will found other friends? "Yeah, but… what if you want to join another party?"
"Not possible," he replied, smiling. Mike felt his own lips curling upward. He knew that Will might find new friends in Des Moins, but no one would ever replace The Party. Before he could get a chance to say anything to him, he was walking away to get some more stuff to carry out front.
El looked around her room, feeling content with her work. Everything had been neatly transferred to the boxes that were now in the front yard being put inside the truck by Jonathan. She put her hands on her hips and surveyed the empty space, taking one last look to make sure everything was accounted for.
As she was about to head out of the room she saw her old teddy bear at the top of her closet shelf out the corner of her eye. It'd probably make a good addition to the donation box; she hadn't used it in ages.. She walked toward her closet and stood up on her toes and tried to reach it. Her wrist got over the shelf, but the stuffed animal proved to be too far back for her fingers to graze. She brought her arm back down, and stepped back, breathing heavily.
She wasn't tall enough. She didn't know where Mike was, and she was pretty sure she was the only one who was tall enough to reach it.
Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in her head. It had been a long time since she tried, but…
Slowly, her hand came up in front of her and her fingers contorted tightly. She furrowed her brow in concentration and strained her mind as much as she could. It wasn't until she could feel her pulse in her head that she finally brought her hand down, panting heavily. Her powers were still gone. Truth be told, she hadn't expected them to work, but it still made her sad that they were gone. It was odd that the thing that had caused her life to be ruined in the first place was gone now, and she missed it.
"They'll come back."
She turned to the side and saw Mike walking toward her with an encouraging smile on his face. "I know they will." He went to the closet and reached up and easily grabbed the Teddy Bear from the shelf and passed it down to her.
"Thanks," she said, grinning. She tucked it under her arms.
"Did you pack your walkie?"
"Yes," she replied, remembering putting it in its own small box.
"Because you know that I'm gonna steal Cerebro from Dustin and call you so much that you're gonna have to turn it off, right?" They both laughed, breaking the tension that was between them a little bit for the first time the entire day. Her eyes fell to the floor when she sensed the awkwardness creeping back.
"Did you ask your Mom? About… Thanksgiving?" she asked in an effort to lessen the increasing uneasiness in her stomach. She'd be walking out of this house for the last time in a couple minutes. Soon it was going to be now or never.
"Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the okay. I'll be there." She smiled. At least that was good news. Neither of them had been quite sure if Karen would be okay with him and Nancy staying overnight at a house five hours away, so it was good to hear that she was willing to let him go.
"And then I was thinking you could come up here for Christmas. And Will, too," he suggested. "You can come before or after Christmas, or whatever Mrs. Byers wants, but I was thinking Christmas Day could be super fun because we would all have cool new presents to play with, and, uhh…"
Shit. The trademark nervous Mike Wheeler ramble had just made its first appearance of the day. "Sorry, that made me sound like a seven-year-old."
El looked at him apprehensively. She shrugged. "I… like presents, too."
"Yeah, cool. Yeah," he heard himself saying. "I like- I like presents too." Fuck! What's wrong with you?! Why couldn't he just talk like a normal person for two seconds? This was the girl he had loved for almost two years, not some stranger.
El glanced at her feet again, not really sure what to say. "Cool," she settled on. Shit. She inwardly cringed at her response. Cool? Why would I say that?
She looked at him, and when he didn't say anything she felt herself slowly walking away.
When she left his field of view, Mike sighed and shook his head. All he had to do was have a regular conversation with her for ten seconds, and he was such a mess that he couldn't even do that without making a complete moron out of himself. And to think that he had originally planned to tell her that he loved her. He couldn't even act like a regular human being in front of her, he was so worked up about all this.
Stupid.
El was about to walk out of the room when her previous thought echoed in her mind. It was now or never. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned around. "Mike?"
He shifted on his feet and looked at her, his hand on the back of his head. "Yeah?"
El anxiously fiddled with the stuffed bear in her arms. "Remember that day… at the cabin, you were talking to Max?"
Oh, fuck. "Um," Mike started. "I don't think I follow."
"You talked about your- your feelings," she recalled. "Your heart."
Oh, Lord. So she had heard him. But how much had she heard? His heart started thumping. Oh," he said quietly, trying to maintain a calm tone. "Oh, yeah, that. Man, that was so long ago. Um, that was just... really heat of the moment stuff, and… I don't really remember… what did I say, exactly?"
He knew full damn well what he had said, but he was praying that El didn't. He had no idea what she was going to say. Was she going to say that she loved him? Was she going to tell him that she didn't know if she did? Or… what if she didn't even love him at all? What if she just didn't love him the way she did? He could hear his heart pounding in his ears.
"Mike…" she said, before trailing off again.
Now or never. Now or never. Now or never. El kept repeating the phrase in her head over and over again, trying to rationalize what she was about to do. She had no idea what he was going to say. This was all she had been thinking the whole day, and it was the reason why everything was so awkward between them. And she had a tiny hunch that the reason he was being so weird was because he felt the same way.
El was standing right in front of Mike now, looking at him in a way that she had never looked at him before; he felt like she was staring right into his soul. She rested her right hand on his cheek, and then she said it.
"I love you, too."
Before he could even register the words that had escaped her lips, they were already on his. It was passionate and soft and meaningful. It felt like it lasted forever but at the same time half of a second. He was too lost in thought to even reciprocate the kiss.
When she finally backed away, it was only by an inch or so. He could still feel her breath on his mouth. Her hand fell down onto his shoulder, and then she let it slide down his chest. She finally walked away, without waiting for a reply.
El squeezed her eyes shut as she passed through the doorway, trying to suppress the hurricane of feelings going on inside her and tightened her grasp on the stuffed bear in her arms. She tried to ignore the fact that Mike hadn't immediately responded to her. Maybe he was just surprised. He had certainly looked like it. And unless he had changed his mind about loving her since three months ago, then there was no reason to think that had changed.
She'd be seeing him again before she got into the moving truck. She'd wait till then to think about it more.
Joyce had never really been exactly sure why she had taken things from Hopper's cabin. She had never told anyone she had; not even Jonathan or Will.
She had gone a few weeks ago, when she had started packing things up for the move initially. It wasn't clear to her what had triggered the idea; all she knew was that on around the first day of packing, she had realized that she simply couldn't leave Hawkins along with Hopper's busted up cabin to rot in the woods.
His entire life with El had been built in that rickety thing; every single thing he had owned had been in that cabin. And of course, no one knew. He didn't have any family in Hawkins. The family that had come to his funeral had been limited and seemed like they couldn't have cared less, as if their presence had just been a formality rather than a desire. Not even his ex-wife had come.
Thus, she had taken it upon herself to go back to the cabin and take some things to keep. All the boxes from his basement storage space were already in the truck. She had taken some photo albums and pictures, and some other odd items. Among which included things like the ashtray from his bedroom, his hat, his gun and some of his clothes, along with some other things. She wasn't sure what she was going to do with them, but she knew that she was not going to let it collect dust in the middle of the woods. Aside from the already existing boxes she had gotten from his basement, she had acquired a new box to put the rest of his things in that she had labeled "Hopper."
She had just finished folding the shirt he had worn on the Fourth, the really colorful one that she remembered raising her eyebrow at. The last thing to go in the box was his uniform, the one he wore on duty. She was folding it up to go to in the box when she felt a bulge in the front chest pocket. Squeezing it, she heard the sound of paper crumpling. With unsteady hands, she pulled the sheet out of his pocket and opened it up.
It was his speech. Her expression turned sober as her eyes fell on the words he had written.
"Donation box?" She looked behind her and saw El standing in the doorway, holding a stuffed teddy hair.
"Uh, yeah, sure," she responded, nodding her head toward the cardboard container in the corner of the room.
El's expression changed as her eyes fell on the piece of paper that Joyce was holding. "What… is that?"
She looked back at the piece of paper and sighed sadly. "It's the speech," she said, her voice nearly breaking. "That Hop wrote for you and Mike."
El looked confused. "Speech?"
"Yeah, you know," she elaborated. "The heart-to-heart."
El creased her brow. Joyce squinted her eyes. "He never talked to you, did he?" she asked.
El shook her head. Joyce scoffed lightly under her breath. Go figure. She glanced down at the crumpled up sheet of paper.
"Can I read?" El asked.
El slowly eased herself onto the floor of her empty former-bedroom and lay on her stomach. She tried to calm her nerves and the pounding in her chest as she slowly opened up the piece of paper. At the top of the page, she recognized Joyce's handwriting all over it. She must have helped him write it.
There's something that I've been wanting to talk to you both about. I know this is a difficult conversation, but I care about you both very much. And I know that you care about each other very much. And that's why it's important that we set these boundaries moving forward so we can build an environment where we all feel comfortable, trusted, and open to sharing our feelings.
She chuckled lightly under her breath, trying to imagine Hopper saying that to her and Mike. She probably wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face if he did. The words had the name "Joyce" written all over them.
The next paragraph was a couple of lines below the first one, and the immediately recognized it as Hopper's scribbly and messy handwriting. She took a deep breath and started reading.
Feelings. Jesus… the truth is, for so long, I'd forgotten what those reasons were. I've been stuck in one place, in a cave, you might say. A deep, dark cave. And then, I left some Eggos out in the woods, and you came into my life, and… for the first time, in a long time… I started to feel things again.
I started to feel happy.
She felt the first tear slide down her cheek.
But lately, I guess I've been feeling… distant from you. Like you're… you're pulling away from me or something. I miss playing board games every night. Making triple-decker Eggo extravaganzas at sunrise, watching westerns together until we doze off.
El nearly gasped as another tear rolled across her face, while the first one fell and hit the page. Vivid images and memories flashed before her eyes of her and Hopper doing all of those things and it almost made her sick to know that it would never happen again.
Even more, it ripped her heart in two to realize that the whole time her and Mike were hanging out every day for those two months, he had been feeling this way. And it was true; after her and Mike finally reunited, she and Hopper hadn't spent nearly as much time together as they did before. Maybe that's why he had been so bitter toward her and Mike's relationship.
Because he was lonely.
But I know you're getting older. Growing, changing. And I guess, if I'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came in here, to try to maybe… stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were. But I know that's naive. It's just not how life works.
A tiny amount of weight lifted off her chest when she read that part. It was true; she had grown and changed a lot since she first moved in with him. Back then, she was a little twelve-year-old girl who was practically bald. So maybe Hopper wasn't upset that she wasn't spending as much time with him anymore… maybe he was just sad because she was growing up. And there was nothing she could have done to change that, no matter how hard she tried.
It's moving. Always moving, whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad. And sometimes… it's surprising. Happy. So you know what? Keep up on growing up, kid. Don't let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from them… and when life hurts you, because it will… remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave.
El had been hurting since he died. It was a lot less these days, but it was still there. There were days when she didn't even want to get out of bed because she knew that it wasn't going to be Hopper greeting her when she walked out of her room. Sometimes she'd have dreams with him in them and then she'd wake up and almost start looking for him, but then she'd remember.
It never occurred to her that the hurt… that it could be good. In a sense, she felt like she had been in a cave her whole life. In the lab. But she was out of the cave now. She had friends, a family, and a life. But with those things came all the things that came from them. Among which included pain. You couldn't have anything good in life if nothing bad ever happened.
But please, if you don't mind… for the sake of your poor old Dad, keep the door open three inches.
She couldn't help but laugh out loud. The humorous callback to his incessant pestering of her and Mike brought a smile to her face. It had always been kind of funny to hear him always calling "keep the door open three inches!" at them when they tried to push his sacred three-inch-minimum rule.
But alas, the warm feeling in her chest that she got from reading the last sentence of his speech was short-lived. As quick as it had appeared, everything came flooding back to her at once. The weight of the move and Hopper's death crushed down from above her and there was nothing she could do to help herself from crying.
It was all too much. It was too much. She missed him so badly. So, so badly. But he was gone. Gone forever.
A knocking sound came from the doorway and she looked up and saw Joyce with a concerned expression on her face. "Are you okay?"
El looked up, her vision blurred from the liquid in her eyes. Was she okay? She didn't know. But now wasn't the time to figure that out. They would be leaving in a few minutes and everyone was waiting outside for her and Joyce to come out. "Yeah," she choked. "Time to go?"
She nodded sadly. "Yeah."
El sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I'll be out… in a minute."
Joyce simply nodded and walked away. El was glad that she had granted her privacy; she was half-expecting her to come over anyway and try to console her, which was sometimes what she wanted. But she and Joyce knew that sometimes, being on your own was the best thing.
She balled up the piece of paper and held it in both of her hands, rocking them back and forth gently. Somehow, it made her feel stronger; it made her feel like she could get through this. Trying to calm her tears, she tucked it into her frot pocket and nodded to herself and exhaled deeply.
It was time to go.
If Mike was being completely honest, it had been the last thing he was expecting her to say. When she was walking up to him, the thoughts in his were all along the lines of she's going to say she doesn't know. She's going to say she needs time to figure it out. She's going to say that she doesn't love me back. He didn't know why that was what he was thinking; probably just his own self-confidence issues at work.
After she had left the room, he had continued to stand there with his mouth hanging open for about ten more seconds. He would have gone to speak with her, but as soon as he started walking toward the exit he started hearing her talking to Joyce, so instead, he scurried outside to the front yard where everyone else was.
The entire time he was outside his mind was racing, trying to make fully comprehend what had just happened. El loved him.
El loved him. The girl that meant more than anything in the world to him, the girl that had changed his life in such a huge and great way almost two years ago, the girl that he would give his life for in a heartbeat… that girl loved him. And she had said it herself.
There was only one logical thing for him to do now.
His heartbeat accelerated rapidly when he saw her step outside the front door. She was carrying a box, and he could tell she had been crying only a few moments before. Her gaze was on the moving truck, and she was walking toward it with a box in her arms. He watched her hand it over to Jonathan, who was in the truck, and he put in toward the back.
El turned around and they locked eyes for the first time since they had spoken. They stared at one another wordlessly, and for the first moment, neither of them did anything. Then something finally clicked.
Mike rushed toward her from where he was standing and she did the same and they collapsed into one another tightly, and he couldn't help himself from tearing up. "El, I love you," he said, his voice breaking. It felt so good to finally be able to say it. "I… I love you so fucking much."
El nearly burst into tears again, but this time it wasn't from sadness or despair. It was from happiness and love. She had never imagined how beautiful the phrase would sound on his tongue. "I know," she replied breathlessly. "I love you."
They separated slightly, only enough to be able to look at each other. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner," Mike said, his eyes red. "I just… I was afraid to."
She nodded her head. "It's okay, don't worry," she replied. "I needed to tell you before I left. I couldn't… I couldn't leave without you knowing."
He offered no response, but instead just pulled her in and hugged her even harder before, gently swaying her body back and forth. He felt her hands running up and down his back, and he raised his right and hand and tucked it into her hair, loving the way it felt in his fingers.
Eventually they had to let go of one another to say their goodbyes to the rest of the Party. It took a long time to get through everyone; there were a lot of people. El realized that every one of her friends held their own special place in her heart. Each hug she gave or received was one more step toward leaving Hawkins, and it was getting harder and harder to keep it together in front of everyone.
Dustin was the friend that always made her laugh or shake her head in amusement. He could always lighten the mood with a joke, and he was always the one to come up with an idea to solve a problem. "I'm gonna miss you, El," he had said as they hugged. "Watch out for yourself."
"I will."
Lucas would always be the Party member to think fast and act on his feet to protect them. He and his wrist-rocket had proven that to be true many times. "It's weird that a year and a half ago, you through me against a bus," Lucas had reminisced when they were saying their goodbye.
"Yeah," El laughed bittersweetly, remembering the memory.
"Make sure you're careful, El. I'm gonna miss you."
"Me, too."
Max was her first-ever girl friend. She had taught her about being herself and had helped her gain her own style and individuality. She taught her that 'there was more to life than 'stupid boys.'
"My first ever girl friend is leaving already," she had said sadly.
"We'll hang out when I come back," El told her. "I promise."
They hugged tightly. "I'll miss you being here. The boys get annoying sometimes."
"I know. Good luck."
They laughed.
And Mike… what could she even say about him? He was her everything. He was the one she knew would put himself between her and the face of death. The person who she would never grow tired of being with, the person who made her day better just by being there, the person who made her heart race just by looking at her… the person who was always there for her when no one else was, the person who'd stay up all night talking with her just to make her feel better, the person who…
The person who she loved.
He was the last one that she had to finally say good-bye to. She had saved him for last on purpose. She approached him for the final time, her arms nervously crossed in front of her chest. They nervously made eye contact with one another, not even sure what to say.
"So… I guess this is it," Mike said quietly.
"Yeah," El nodded. It seemed almost surreal. The moving truck and the car had been started, and she was seconds away from going. She looked behind her and saw everyone else exchanging their final goodbyes.
"Hey," Mike whispered, making her look toward him. He planted his hands on her waist and pulled her close. "It's gonna be okay. We'll be alright, right? Thanksgiving isn't that far away." His voice was thick with sadness, but she could tell he was trying to mask it.
"I know," she said softly, trying her hardest to not break down. She gently placed her hand on his cheek, and she saw a single teardrop fall from his eye. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Damn. That was a rollercoaster. I hope you guys liked it! Stay posted for the next one.
PS. I just posted a Hopper tribute to YouTube. I'm EXTREMELY happy with it, and I think you guys would like it. It would mean the world to me if you were all able to give it a peak. I can't post links here, but if you guys search KMX Projects on YouTube and click on the channel that comes up (it's the first one), it's the most recent video. It's called "Stranger Things: Jim hopper || Heart to Heart."
Take it easy, guys :)