My body reacts in terror. I go to scream, but nothing comes out. I am able to turn my body away at the last moment, as the balls of flame erupt from the parachutes and pass the barricades. Shielding myself, just barely from the impact. The center turns into pure mayhem.
Without a second thought I leap forward as Katniss lays no more than five feet in front of me. Her red cloak searing in flames. Five feet away, but enough for her to receive so much more of the impact than I. When I reach her immediately her gray eyes meet mine. She is alive. She is breathing. A steady stream of tears pour from her eyes. But she is still and she is silent. She has stopped fighting. I can tell from the desperation across her face that she has given up. The Capitol has taken so much from her, but now they have taken everything and she is finally done.
But I refuse to let her die and to let them win. It might be selfish at this point but I don't stop myself. I reach up and grab the collar of her cloak, ripping it off her body. My hands scream as they make direct contact with the burning embers. She is dead weight, so it takes all my force to remove the burning clothing item from her body. Somehow I manage this, but her remaining Capitol clothes have caught fire now as well. If she makes it out of this, I know her burns will be extensive. Without thinking, I rip off my own cloak and throw it, and myself, on top of her trying to extinguish the flames. I tear off my scarf and find it wet with my tears. It won't take long for people to find me now without this cover, but I do not care. I need to save her.
I grab onto her cheeks, which are surprisingly pretty clear of wounds. "Please Katniss!" I am begging her to stay. "Stay with me! I know you can do it, please!"
I reach down and kiss her right on the mouth. Her lips are searing hot from the impact of the explosion. "I need you Katniss, please hang on!" My voice has become a yell, and the tears are flooding over my cheeks. Her eyes connect with mine once more, and then she loses consciousness.
I can not help the scream that explodes from my body. I throw myself on top of her to shield her. I suddenly feel an enormous impact to the back of my head and I too, slip into oblivion.
I see my father first. He is icing a cupcake on the old wooden work bench inside of the bakery. He smiles at me and waves me over to him. I look up to the bench. I am small again, perhaps only four years old or so. He lifts me up under my arms and sits me next to his creation. Carefully I watch his hands, covered in burns from years of manning the ovens. He decorates a beautiful yellow wild flower on top of the small cake. He reaches into the bowl of bright icing and placing a small amount of it gently on my nose. I laugh and use my tongue to try to reach it.
I see Finnick next. He is walking along the shore of the water. A soft breeze blows around him. A small child hangs onto his fingers as he wobbles in the uneven sand. I study his face. He looks calm and peaceful. I can't help but feel joy for him. This child could only be his and Annie's. They are beautiful walking together as the sun begins to fade behind him. The orange light paints the sky.
Next, I see Rue climbing from tree to tree. Wiress splashing playfully in the ocean water. Castor smiling at this brother. The Morphling, Boggs, Clove, Cinna, Mags, and then finally Prim. They all speak to me in my dream. The dead.
Prim is hugging Katniss and she smooths back her blonde hair. I can't help but think how beautiful they both look. Prim looks up at her sister and places a gentle kiss on top of her forehead. She smiles. Suddenly Prim has disappeared, but a small white bird flutters off in the distance.
When I finally open my eyes, I am in a dazzling white Capitol hospital room and the doctors have worked their magic on me again. I know I was burned in the field but now my skin appears fresh and smooth despite several discoloured patches. I bring my hands to my nose and I can feel a stiff bandage placed across it. I must have been right about Katniss breaking my nose.
In this moment it is as if my mind suddenly wakes up too and all that consumes me is the thought that I must find her. I must know if she made it out alive. What if they are torturing her right now. I shudder. I am surprised I am not being tortured myself. I try to rise up, but I am strapped to the bed. Surely the Capitol's doing. I can also tell by the weakness in my body and the fogginess in my mind, that I must be on a whole cocktail of medications.
The door to my room opens slightly. I wonder who is here, likely a Capitol official ready to take me away to my execution. But I am wrong, it is Haymitch.
I force myself into a sitting position on my bed. It takes almost all of my effort to do this, which makes me think I have been out for longer than I originally thought.
"You've looked better." Haymitch says, with his usual sarcastic voice.
"Where is she?" I reply not wasting any time.
Haytmitch smiles slightly and gives his head a subtle shake.
"Is she alright?" I am pleading, almost begging him to give me some sort of information. My one main job in all of this was to keep her safe. But I don't think anymore was prepared for Katniss' fourteen year old sister to be out on the battlefield. I knew once I saw her face that I would be impossible for me to stop Katniss from trying to get to her. Deep down, despite the guilt I still feel, I know there is nothing I could have done to stop her from trying to get to Prim.
"She's alive," he says. "She is being kept in an intensive care unit in another wing."
His words fill me with both relief and fear. She is alive, but badly injured. Haytmich can sense my concern.
"It was a bit touch and go for a while...it's hard to keep someone alive once they lose their will to live." Haymitch admits. "She inhaled a lot of smoke, they were just able to take her off of the high flow oxygen this morning."
I exhale a long breath, trying to absorb the information at hand. "And the others?" I think to ask.
Haymitch's eyes lock in on mine now. I can tell that what he is about to say is of the highest importance.
"The Capitol fell the same day the parachutes went off. Coin has taken power." he tells me. "Snow has been taken prisoner and is awaiting his trial, most certainly execution."
The impact of his words hit me like a ton of bricks. The Capitol fell. I don't know how to quiet process a world in any other way at this moment. The war is over. A sense of relief washes over my body when I realize that the killing will all soon stop. I never wanted a war, I knew the consequences would be extensive. Yet at the same time, I also know that if we were to have sat back and done nothing, it would have been even worse.
"What about Gale, Cressida and Pollux?" I say instead.
Haymitch begins to fill me in on all of the information I missed while I was out. Cressida and Pollux were relatively uninjured and have been sent into the districts to cover the wreckage of the war. Gale took two bullets in the chest after being captured by a group of Peacekeepers. He was released from the hospital yesterday.
"Why are they waiting so long for Snow's trail?" I ask.
Haymtich pauses for a moment as he seems to be pondering the question I have asked. He looks at me as if I would be unable to handle the response. He is unsure how to answer it. "We are waiting for the Mockingjay." He finally says. I am confused.
"So she can witness his death?" I ask.
Haymitch shakes his head.
"She gets to kill Snow, Peeta." Haymitch tells me. "I know you think that you know what is best for her, but she will want this...Prim is dead. They have taken so much from her."
Thousands of thoughts rush through my mind. I try to think of any possible way that this could harm her. In the end I know Haymitch loves Katniss too, and even though I try to deny it, I know that he is very similar to her in so many ways. They have an understanding between them that nobody else can explain. So I decide to accept this as it is.
I spend the next two days in the hospital, building my strength back up. Despite my repeated attempts I am denied from being allowed to visit Katniss. Dr. Aurelius, a head doctor, tries to keep me up to date on her though, I am appreciative of this. He tells me how she has refused to speak a word since arriving at the hospital. His theory is that she has become a mental, rather than physical, Avox. As heartbreaking as this is to hear, I am reassured that she has had no episodes since being in the hospital. No signs of aggression. Eyes clear and grey through the sorrow. He reassures me that he has several neurological experts working with her to provide the best care possible. Yet, it still may be a few weeks until she is released.
I take these next few days in the hospital to allow myself to mourn Primrose. Not for Katniss, but for myself. Prim was so good to me, so kind. I think she always knew I loved Katniss too, so naturally we bonded over this mutual feeling. She was so young, and too vulnerable to have been placed into this war. I still do not quite know how she got to the Capitol in the first place. Surely somebody ordered her here. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if this was Coins doing. I do not even allow myself to think of this now. Instead I take the time to say quiet thank you to this little girl who was so easy to love. I thank her for keeping Katniss sane while nobody else could. I thank her for the dance we shared in District 13 and for the smiles she provided me during my darkest days. I promise myself that I will never forget those memories for as long as I live.
Just before I am released Dr. Aurelius comes to see me in order to get me to sign some release paperwork.
"Remember to take all your medicines." He says as he helps me back into some regular clothes.
"I will." I reply.
He places a hand on my shoulder. "You need to take care of yourself too Peeta. You are no use to anyone if you don't"
I can tell he is referring to Katniss. Reminding me to think about myself too sometimes. I know what he is saying is true. I can not allow myself to be consumed with Katniss' health to the point that I begin to suffer again as well. I do not deserve that, and neither does she.
I am given a room in the president's mansion to use while I'm here. It is a large, spacious room, but much too big for a single person. Haymitch comes in to check on me often, to make sure I am taking my medicine. Eventually he starts giving me updates on Katniss before he has even taken a seat in the room, because he realizes this is the first thing I ask. Soon enough I cannot not seem to stand being in this large room alone any more. I start wandering off unauthorized through the mansion. I seek out strange hiding spots away from everyone else because truthfully I don't want to see any of them. There is only one person I want to see and she is being securely kept away from my reach. I remind myself that I need to begin with being grateful that she is simply alive. Despite this I do my best to remember Dr. Aurelius' advice. I eat. I take my medicines. I bathe. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after a particularly long shower and shudder at the unfamiliar sight. My skin is covered in light pink burn scars, a section of my blonde hair has been scorched off above the ear. My nose is swollen and covered in dark purple bruises. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but each of these marks are associated with pain.
The days continue to pass. President Snow has been tried and found guilty. He will be sentenced to execution. They now wait for the Mockingjay. I am informed that Katniss was moved out of the intensive care unit of the hospital by Dr. Aurelius.
"I can see her now then, right?" I ask after he explains the situation to me.
He lets out a small sigh. "Tomorrow." He says. Relief fills by body.
"Any episodes?" I ask again.
He shakes his head. I can see how he understands the confusion that spreads across my face. I am genuinely very surprised that after everything that happened in the last few weeks that she has been able to stay out of the dark place in her brain that was altered from the tracker jacker venom.
"Once we told her what happened to her sister, she never had any more episodes or hallucinations. The confusion and fear she has previously demonstrated has been replaced by something different."
I raise my eyebrows in question.
"Anger." He states. "She still has only said a few phrases since the events so it is a bit challenging to confirm anything, but my new theory is that her sister's death almost clarified things for her. She doesn't seem to have any doubts of who the real enemy is any more….I am not saying she is cured indefinitely, but I presume it was as if Prim's death has triggered something in her brain to snap back to reality."
I know I should feel happy, he is basically telling me something that I know many people saw as impossible. But I cannot help but feel the enormous heartbreak that hangs off of his words. It wasn't the excessive amounts of therapy or drugs that brought her back to herself. I wasn't the words that anyone spoke to her, but rather the death of the one person she loved more than anything in the world that confirmed for her, in her mind, what was real and what was not real. It seems obvious to me now, Prim was the only one who would have ever been able to bring Katniss back.
I allow myself to lay in bed for most of the afternoon, but by evening I can't take it anymore. I have imagined every scenario about tomorrow by this point. I ponder over and over again what I will say to Katniss when I see her. I feel as though I am drowning in the endless possibility of words that come to my mind. I emerge from my warm cocoon and begin walking around the mansion yet again.
I find myself trekking down unfamiliar hallways until I am in a strange part of the mansion. I can't seem to even remember how I got here and I can tell I am losing my bearings. Unlike the area I am quarantined to however, there seems to be far less people around. I like this. It is so quiet, with dim lighting and muted colors. Peaceful. Unlike the smell of roses. I am instantly brought back to the tunnel and find myself hiding behind some long velvet curtains waiting for the mutts. Finally, I realize there are no mutts coming, but the smell remains. I wonder if I must be near a garden of some sort.
Despite my instincts to run, I continue to creep down a long hall until the odor becomes overpowering. When I turn the corner I find myself staring at two guards. There are no more Peacekeepers, but these are not the trim, gray-uniformed soldiers from 13 either. These two, a man and a woman, wear tattered, thrown-together clothes of actual rebels. Still bandaged and gaunt, they are now keeping watch over the doorway to the roses.
Without thinking I move to enter and their guns form an X in front of me.
"You can't go in there sir," says the man.
"You can't go in," the woman repeats. "President's orders.
I stand there baffled. What lies behind the door must be something of great interest if it is being kept away from others by two rebel guards. Whatever it is must be of some value to me, otherwise why would these people be so intense about keeping me away. I stand there looking at them both intently until they decide to let me in. My presence seems to worry them. They discuss calling Haymitch, when a woman speaks.
"Let him go in."
I know the voice but I can't place it at first. Not 12, not 13, definitely not Capitol. I turn my head and find myself face to face with Paylor, the commander from 8. She looks even more beat up than she did at the hospital, but at this point, who doesn't.
"On my authority," says Paylor. "He has a right to see what is beyond that door." These must be her soldiers, not Coin's. They drop their weapons without question and let me pass.
At the end of a short hallway, I push apart the glass doors and step inside. By now the smell is so strong that I am worried that the little bits of food I managed to eat earlier will make a reappearance. It is clear where the smell is coming from because there are roses everywhere. I am immediately mesmerized by the multitude of colors before me. Lush pinks, sunset orange, pine green, pale blues. Row after row of them bloom. I wander through the isles looking, studying each color, but being extra careful not to touch them. I know how deadly they can be. I find a light green rose, that is just beginning to bud. I just begin to think how Katniss would love the color when he speaks. "That's a nice one."
My hand jerks back and I feel my heart drop. I can't help the heat that begins to rise and course through my body. The anger I have held onto for all these years. I know I am a person of forgiving nature. I always have been. I can forgive those who have wronged me easier than most; even the most bloodthirsty people in the Capitol, I know I'll find a way to forgive. But not him.
"The colors are lovely of course, but I have always thought that nothing says perfection quite like white."
I still can't see him, but his voice begins to rise from an adjacent bed of white roses. I move slowly around the corner and find him sitting on a stool against the wall. He's as well groomed and finely dressed as ever, but weighted down with manacles, ankle shackles, and tracking devices. In the bright light, his skin is pale, sickly green. He holds a white handkerchief spotted with fresh blood. But even in this state, his snake eyes are as cold as ever. "I was hoping you would find your way to my quarters ."
This is not how I imagined his prison cell to look. I assumed he would be locked somewhere in a dark cell underground, not staying in the lap of luxury. I can't stop my mind from assuming that this must have been Coin's doing. To set a precedent, I guess. So in the future, if she ever fell from grace, it would be understood the Presidents - even the most despicable - get special treatment. Who knows, after all, when her own power might fade?
"There are so many things we should discuss my boy, but I have a feeling your visit will be brief. So, first things first. "He begins to cough, when he removes the handkerchief his mouth is redder. "I want to tell you how very sorry I am to hear about Katniss' sister."
"No you aren't," I think to myself.
"So wasteful, so unnecessary. Anyone could see the game was over by that point. In fact, I was just about to issue an official surrender. When they released those parachutes."
"When you released those parachutes." I bitterly correct him. To hold him accountable for his actions, if only for a short moment.
"Well, you really didn't think I gave that order, did you? Forget the obvious fact that if I'd had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I'd have been using it to make an escape. But that aside, what purpose could it have served? We both know I'm not above killing children, but I'm not wasteful. I take life for very specific reasons. And there was no reason to destroy a pen of Capitol children. None at all."
He begins coughing again. I wonder if this is staged so I can take a second to absorb his words. He must be lying. Of course he is. Even I can't seem to find the words for what to say next. Yet he does not hesitate.
"However, I must conclude that it was a masterful move on Coin's part. The idea of bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped whatever grail allegiance my people felt to me. There was no real resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there. And the parachutes. Well it's the sort of thinking that I would look for in a Head Gamesmaker. I'm sure he wasn't gunning for Miss. Everdeen's sister, but these things happen."
I try to recall all of the memories of District 13 when others were talking about the rebellion. It felt as though most of my time in 13 was consumed with rescuing Katniss, saving Katniss, and rehabilitating Katniss. It is hard to recall many other conversations I was a part of when my mind was so solely focused on one thing. I search my brain, looking to find some sort of proof that what he is saying could be true. For some reason a comment from just a few weeks ago rushes into my mind. Cressida had asked Gale about the end stages of the rebellion and if he and Beetee created any plans back in 13. "Of course we did; hovercraft ambush, detonation of the mansion, disguisable bombs. We talked about a lot of things." Disguisable bombs. Those parachutes were disguisable bombs.
I try to push the thought away. Surely, he is lying to me. He wants to blame the rebels. Trying to make me feel some sympathy for him maybe.
"My failure," says Snow, "was being so slow to grasp Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and the districts destroy one another, and then step in to take power with Thirteen barely scratched. Make no mistake, she was intending to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was Thirteen that started the rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and then abandoned the rest of the districts when the tide turned against it. Only the problem is, I wasn't watching Coin. I was watching you and your lovely Miss. Everdeen; and you both were watching me. I'm afraid we both have been played for fools."
AUTHORS NOTE:
Hello everyone, I know many of you are surprised to see me back. I will give a larger update about the future of my writing when this story comes to an end sometime next week. I just wanted to add a quick note at the end of this chapter to say thank you, especially to those who have been waiting for this for a long time. Your reviews have been so kind and I appreciate it so much! (PS: If you are missing Katniss a bit after this chapter, I am with you...but I think you will really enjoy the next one...) See you soon!