Being that Artie lived in the dorms and was in all her classes, there was pretty much no way they could avoid each other, not for more than about a day. Tina didn't see Artie on Sunday, but naturally, by Monday, they were back to their normal routine. This meant their paths crossed constantly. Artie had an uncanny way, however, of ignoring the elephant in the room. He went back to pretending nothing had happened, so Tina followed suit.
"It's Monday, you swimming?" he'd asked, approaching her for the first time after class, playing it cool.
"With Kevin?" Tina had replied, making a face. When Artie just nodded, she sighed. She still liked her routine of going to the pool, even if that annoying Kevin kid would be there. And at least swimming didn't require a lot of conversation. "Sure, I'll get my bathing suit and I'll see you guys there."
Kevin arrived after they did, even though he was usually early. Then he'd finished up before Tina and Artie, grabbing his towel and barely announcing his departure before leaving.
"What's his hurry?" Artie wondered aloud, hoisting himself up on the side of the pool and grabbing his towel. He pulled his phone out and checked his texts. "Oh, no..."
"What?" asked Tina, as she propped her elbows on the side and looked at him. "What's wrong?"
Artie held up his phone. "It's from Kitty," he said. "Her grandmother just passed away."
By the end of the week, the visitation and funeral were scheduled. Artie and Tina made plans to go to the visitation together on Friday evening, their first time leaving campus together since spring break.
"I guess this pretty much confirms Kitty's plans to return to Ohio for her senior year," Tina commented, as Artie drove them both to the funeral home. "She told me it was getting hard for them to take care of her grandmother. She was going to convince her dad to put her in a home."
"Yeah, Kitty said she had pretty bad dementia," Artie said, as he parked. "It's better this way. Now her dad can be free and Kitty doesn't have to feel guilty about moving back to Ohio like she wants."
He went to reach for his chair in the backseat, but Tina stopped him. She was shaking her head, frowning hard at him. "When you love someone," she began. "You take care of them. It doesn't matter what sacrifices you have to make. The love you have for them makes everything worth it."
Artie swallowed hard, unable to hide that he understood everything Tina wasn't saying. "But I'm sure Kitty's grandmother wouldn't have wanted to be a burden to the people she loved."
Tina fell silent again as he reassembled his chair, the only sound being the clanking of aluminum. It sucked not to really be able to talk to Artie anymore. She fell into step next to him as they entered the church quietly, under the ruse of presuming a solemn decorum.
Kitty greeted them at the front. "Thanks for coming," she said, hugging them both. "Oh, um, there's some coffee if you want. Excuse me."
As Kitty turned her attention to some relatives entering behind Artie and Tina, they moved through the funeral home and into the open room with a few pews in front of an open casket. They passed by briefly, taking a quick look at Kitty's Nana, before finding seats, Artie pulling his chair into an empty space by the pew.
"But... the people who loved her would have wanted her to know she wasn't a burden to them," Tina continued their conversation in the car, as though there hadn't been an interruption. "She was a special person. She was worth it."
Artie sighed. "Excuse me," he said. "It's seven o'clock. I have an appointment with my catheter, we'll have to continue this conversation later."
Tina sighed, too, and leaned her head back against the pew as he wheeled off. Before she knew what was happening, Kitty had slipped into the pew beside her, and Tina was instantly sorry she'd brought her personal drama along that evening. She straightened up quickly.
"Kitty, is there anything you need?" Tina asked, feeling awkward. She knew that some people had assumed, at one time, that she was this creepy girl who was obsessed with death. It wasn't true at all. And she never knew how to behave at a funeral. Sometimes they were solemn, sometimes they were so lively it might as well have been a party. When you didn't know the person very well, though, it was hard to gauge the proper way to act.
"We're fine," Kitty said. "Thanks for asking, though, and it really means a lot to me that you came. I knew Artie would, of course, but it was nice of you to be here, too."
"Of course," said Tina. "I'm just so sorry, I know it was a bit sudden, and I hope your dad is okay."
Kitty looked over her shoulder, evidently checking to make sure Artie wasn't coming back just yet. "I wish you two would figure it out," she said, abruptly changing to a subject Tina hadn't been expecting. "He came over this week to check on me and he was weird when I brought you up. What even happened?"
Tina felt strange, talking with Kitty about herself and Artie here, at Nana's visitation. But the younger girl was looking at her intently. Finally, she sighed. "He thinks he's a burden," she said. "He says his life is never spontaneous, that he has to plan every aspect, and he doesn't want to, quote, drag me into it. He thinks I'll resent him."
Kitty pursed her lips. "And can you honestly say you won't resent him?" she shrugged. "I know I did. A little." As Tina presented her with a gaping stare, Kitty rolled her eyes. "Oh, come off it, you did too. You just won't admit it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Tina said, under her breath, remembering they were still at a visitation.
Kitty sighed. "One time, when he and I were going out, we made plans to go camping with Marley and Jake," she said. "But Jake wanted all of us to sleep in hammocks under the stars. It was some big, dumb plot of his to impress Marley. At the last minute, Artie found out Jake's plan and backed out. So, I had to back out, too." She rolled her eyes. "Jake should have known Artie couldn't come along for a trip like that, but he didn't realize. I should have been mad at Jake, for not thinking it through, but I wasn't. Instead, I was secretly mad Artie, for making everything so complicated."
Tina opened her mouth to say something in his defense, but after a moment, she closed it again. Checking over her shoulder to ensure that Artie wasn't coming back, she realized she had several stories of a similar nature.
"Senior year, I was hanging out with Sam and Blaine all the time, you remember?" Tina started in. At this, Kitty made a huge show of rolling her eyes. "Well, anyway, we snuck into the school at night and played Twister. We deliberately didn't invite Artie. Not that the three of us talked about it, but I know we all thought about it. It would have been too hard to get him inside. He was mad at us for leaving him out, and I was kind of mad at him... for being mad, I guess."
"So, are his concerns completely unfounded?" Kitty asked. When Tina didn't answer, she smirked. "That's what I thought," said the blonde, as she walked away.
Artie returned, completely unaware of the deep conversations that had just transpired on the pew moments before. After staying for another half hour or so, Artie and Tina quietly left and got back in the car to return to the dorms.
"Artie, look, I need to say something," she started to tell him, after they'd driven several blocks in silence again, and she just couldn't stand it any longer.
"No, me first," he said, quickly. "Please? Tina, what I said last weekend was out of line, it was definitely not okay to just unload all that on you, especially while you were still so disappointed over that Kevin guy."
"But you're right," Tina said. "The truth is, Artie, your situation can definitely be a burden. And there are times when it's easier to go do something and just to leave you out, because it would be too much trouble to bring you along. Sometimes we try to spare your feelings and we don't tell you what we're doing or where we're going. There are even times when I even get irrationally mad at you for it."
"Okay, less is more, Tina," Artie interrupted, but he was smiling a little and so was she. "But thank you, this is refreshing. It's probably the most honest, real conversation I've ever had."
"Well, good, because I'm not finished," Tina replied. "The rest of the truth is that I need you in my life. I'll wait as long as I have to, for you to get in a good place and be comfortable enough with yourself to let me in. And until then, I'm really not in a hurry to jump into any relationship just to avoid being alone. I'm actually good with being alone. As long as I have you."
"If you meet another guy, I promise not to interfere," Artie said, as he turned into the street that led to their dorm. "I'll give you whatever space you need to start a relationship."
"Artie," Tina began. "That's sweet but not necessary. I told you I'm honestly good with being alone right now. I'm not going to be bitter about it either. Besides, you got a better grade than me on your last Calculus exam. I need to focus. I can't let that happen again."
Artie parked his car and began his long process of unloading. "Well, uh, if you're sure," he said.
This time, his chair reassembly process was a little more hurried, like he was ready to get inside and put an end to the conversation. Tina decided to help out a little. She grabbed the backpack out of the backseat and reached over to hang it on the back of the chair, as Artie was in the process of moving from one seat to another. Somehow, in a regretably clumsy move, she missed. The bag fell into the parking lot. She got out and went around the car, making a grab for it just as he did, accidentally jerking it away. The contents, several catheters in plastic bags, a box of rubber gloves, and urine collection bags, spilled out onto the pavement.
Artie hastily grabbed his stuff and started shoving it in the bag, as Tina straightened up, horrified by what she'd just done. She only dared to pick up the box of rubber gloves for him, leaving Artie to get the rest, as he struggled to bend far enough at the waist to collect everything.
"At least I already told you about that," he said, with a shrug, as he straightened up and began shoving stuff back in his backpack. "Or you googled it, whichever came first."
"I googled it," Tina confessed, wishing that the ground could open up and swallow her whole right about then. "Probably way back in ninth. When you... made that strange comment to me about your..."
"Ah, said Artie, trying to play this off still like it didn't absolutely humiliate him in front of her. "Well, to clarify, what I meant back then was that, sometime around seventh or eighth grade, I discovered I could still get an erection. Lots of paralyzed men can. It's called a reflex erection. It kind of seemed like a miracle at the time, given nothing else worked at all. And I do mean nothing."
"Artie, you don't have to explain anything else," Tina started to say. She knew, by now, he was testing her. Trying to see if anything he said would push her away.
"Well, I'm probably a better source of information than google," he replied, matter-of-factly.
"Probably," she agreed. "Did I break your backpack?"
"Yeah, the clasp broke," he said, tucking the bag safely in his lap. "It's okay, I've got a spare. Anyway... thanks for coming with me to the visitation. I'll see you later."
He wheeled off, quickly, without waiting for her, and she let him go.
On Monday, Tina was going to the pool without Artie. He'd swapped his usual Tuesday counseling session to Monday that week and couldn't make it. Tina figured it was as good an opportunity as any to really talk to Kevin.
"Hey," she said, when he'd arrived on time again today. Tina and Artie had been making small talk with Kevin when they went swimming, but mostly, Artie was the one carrying any conversations between the three of them.
"Hi," Kevin said, slipping into the water. "Uh, where's Artie today?"
"Oh, he had an appointment," Tina said, shrugging. "It's just me. I hope that's okay."
Kevin looked embarrassed. "If you don't mind sharing the pool with a kid," he said.
"Hey, about that," Tina said, slipping into the water as well and adjusting her bathing cap. "Listen, for about three years, I pretended to have a stutter. It started in middle school. I did it because it made people think I was weird, and they'd leave me alone. I was really shy. I hurt someone a lot, because of my lie, and I learned a hard but important lesson. Next time you meet a college girl, just go ahead and tell her you're sixteen. Sixteen-and-a-half. I bet she won't even mind."
Kevin nodded. "Thanks, Tina," he said. "Uh, do, um... do you still mind? That I'm sixteen?"
"It's not that, honestly," Tina told him. "Kevin, you're nice but I've decided I'm okay with being alone. I'm honestly, um... well, I'm kind of waiting for a specific person to be okay with us being together."
"Is it Artie?" Their situation must have been pretty transparent, if this kid had already figured it out after knowing the both of them for a few weeks.
Tina just nodded and ducked under the water, to start her laps. As she swam, an idea struck her and began to take shape. She wasn't going to force anything, but if something just happened while they were in the right place and the right atmosphere...
"Hey, Kevin?" she asked, popping her head out of the water and waiting for him to finish his lap, as he was about an arm length behind.
"Yeah?" he said, popping up behind her.
"About prom..." she couldn't believe she was nineteen years old and about to say this. "Do you still need a date?"