Why did she go after him, why? Could she not guess that he wished not to have their sordid affairs shouted through the hall for all and sundry to hear? Could she not see that he wished not to see her, wished not to make her witness to the battle of wills that was slowly tearing him apart...?
Furthermore, how could he, in good faith, answer her frenzied inquiries, when not even Heaven knew his destination? His vile thoughts raced and twisted, begging him to run, until they had exhausted themselves and retreated safely to the recesses of his mind once more...destination or return be damned... Could Emilia not see that, that distress? She who claimed to know him so well, could she not see how he was fighting himself, battling the monsters within himself...?
And yet, you speak false yet again, for to leave her now, while she is in this state, makes YOU no less a monster...yesternight, yesternight, recall that; did you not do this same thing? Running out and wandering about like the foolish devil you are? You see what that has wrought? You see, and yet you do it again...?
But he tamped the self-reproof down, and turned to Emilia, begging her with his eyes to understand. "I do not know," he whispered, desolate. "Nor does Heaven know...I pray you, do not wait for me. This is...something I must do...forgive me. I cannot stay here."