Epilogue: Finding Your Way Home
Gwen's Bedroom
Bellwood California
10:35 am, July 26th, 2000
There were so many things that Gwen knew that she should be doing instead of just lying there in bed.
There were spells she should be researching even though the words swam as she read them now. Moves that she should be practicing even though her body still ached from yesterday. A room that needed cleaning after last night and that didn't even scratch what she should be doing for school…
She knew all of that, and she turned the page anyway because she always hid best in books and she needed to hide now. Not in words or the busy work that she did until she couldn't think anymore. Not when they didn't help anymore, but photographs still did, and she had albums and albums of them scattered all over her room.
But there was only one in the bed with her now, and it wasn't any of the albums she'd been making with her mother for as long as she could remember. Back when all she could do was sit in her lap and help pick out the pictures for the ones that were filled with family trips and all the awards she'd won. Not her favorites either. Not the ones from her summers. Those still sat at the bottom of her nightstand as untouched as the phone that sat on top of it over the last few weeks.
No, she wasn't looking at any of those albums, but this one was almost as good and her second favorite Christmas present ever. It even beat out the journal that Grandpa got her if only because some woman's words didn't compare to the morning she opened this one with her parents and her aunt and uncle crowded all around as they pointed out the pictures of the redheaded woman inside and told stories for every one. Most of them were happy, some were sad, and she loved them all. The pictures blurred by now as Gwen tried to lose herself in the life of the woman she should have known.
Her grandmother. Verdona Tennyson.
Gwen made herself stop flipping through the pages and really look at her. She saw her grandmother's warm smile, the freckles that were splashed over her nose and cheeks, and the little wrinkles around green eyes that always made her look like she was worrying about something. She looked and tried to put it together with the stories she'd heard of the woman who raised her dad and her uncle almost alone and then took in her mother and aunt like they were always hers and sometimes she thought she saw it. Sometimes she thought she saw why Grandpa fell for her and still missed her, too, but the photographs weren't magic and a frozen moment wasn't anything more than that.
Her stomach got so tight at that thought as she studied the pictures for every detail just for a distraction. Like how most of the photos might have been going yellow around the edges but they were barely any older than she was and they'd been taken when her mom and aunt lived at Grandpa's house.
And the idea that he even had one…
There weren't words for how wrong that seemed when the Rustbucket was his home for as long as she could remember. Hers, too, and now...
Gwen closed her eyes just so she wouldn't start crying again as she remembered the wreck she'd left behind in Phoenix. It was a long minute before she could open them back up as she flipped through the pages again. She guessed that her mother and her aunt took most of these because there weren't many with the three of them together, but one of them was always in the picture. Grandma never seemed to mind, but the worry lines around her eyes seemed like they got deeper as her mom and aunt's stomachs got bigger.
There were some old photos in the album. Some that were almost as old as the wedding photograph on the cover that Aunt Vera must have taken because she was the only one not in it. She always looked at it because Grandpa looked so happy with Grandma Verdona and she still wondered what kind of woman could make him smile like that, but there was so much that the photographs didn't say.
But she still saw things in them. Things like how sad her Grandpa looked now, even when he was smiling, and she never noticed until she saw him with Grandma. She tried so hard to tell herself it was because he was so young in them. He was only a little older than her parents were in the rest of the photos and they were barely any older than Sensei's assistants and that always made her stop because it seemed so wrong. Grandpa was barely thirty when he got married and her mom was only nineteen in all these pictures. She was only seven years older than Gwen was and pregnant and…
And it was almost a relief when Gwen flipped the page again and her fingers found her favorite picture of her grandmother. It was the one where she was kneeling in what must have been her garden. Her hands were dirty, but she didn't even seem to notice. Not with her brow wrinkled and her lips twitched up in a look of happy concentration that not even her sunhat could hide as she cupped a yellow rose in her hand, one just like all the roses that grew everywhere outside of Gwen's window, even if the flower itself was almost lost in a lens flare that was the only flaw.
It was such a simple thing. As simple as the green dress her grandmother was wearing and the loose braid of hair that fell down the woman's back. Hair that was the same color that Gwen saw in the mirror every morning. Hair that was the only thing she thought she got from her Grandmother, that and her eyes. Hair she barely thought about before now. Hair she didn't know what to do with besides keeping it short and practical with just a clip for style.
A clip that was still waiting next to the phone because it seemed like too much work to grab today and Gwen didn't know what to do with her hair anyway.
Her grandmother never seemed to know what to do with hers either because she had it done up differently in every picture. It was in tails and braids and sometimes just loose, but it looked beautiful even when she looked exhausted and overwhelmed until it seemed like her hair was the only thing she had under control as she held two boys close. Two little boys who were giving the camera gap-toothed smiles like they were having the best day ever. She never knew that her daddy had glasses even back then, and the smile on her uncle's face was the same one that filled all the albums that were waiting under her nightstand because it was just like her -
The past blurred by then as Gwen did her best not to think about the phone that was just waiting next to her. The one that hadn't rung in weeks and she didn't dare pick up. Not when she didn't have the words…
Pages flew by as she tried to stop those thoughts. Pages full of Grandpa being a pest as he surprised her grandmother with hugs and kisses that she didn't dare look at even though she'd gotten a good laugh out of Michelle months ago as they looked at some of the outfits the man wore that made his shirts look tame now. She even flipped past her favorite picture of her mother, where she was in the kitchen and as messy as she'd ever seen the woman, with flour covering her and her face twisted and determined as she had her hand inside of a turkey as grandma stood next to her with a grin. Her aunt must have taken the picture, and she usually tried to imagine what her mom did when she saw the flash...
Not today, though. Not when Gwen could feel her lip quivering so bad that she was sure that the light would start flickering, but it didn't even though she could feel the mana all around her. Mana that slipped through her fingers like the pages in the album as her grandmother's life flew by in little moments. Moments captured in the pictures of her leading her boys through the zoo or the park or just hanging up clothes on a clothesline, or sitting on the porch with Aunt Vera, the two of them laughing like they'd known each other forever, but it wasn't as big as it was the one where she was with Grandpa as they walked hand in hand on a beach and that one didn't make up for all the ones he wasn't in. And the look she saw on her Grandmother's eyes in those…
She looked like someone stole her heart away. Like the best parts of her were missing...
Missing just like the mana that Gwen knew should have been humming around her right now instead of just being one more empty place inside of her. It was only habit that kept her fingers moving through the pages as she reached the end of the book and the picture of her aunt helping her mother into a white dress, both of them had bumps showing in their stomachs and tears running down their faces as they hugged while Grandma just stood just behind her mom and cried with them.
Grandpa wasn't there for those pictures. She knew that he wouldn't be, but it still hurt. Maybe that was why Grandma always….
And then the thoughts just stopped as she did the one thing she swore she wouldn't and flipped over that last page so she could see the picture waiting on the other side. It was the only one that didn't have her Grandmother in it, just her mom and aunt asleep and curled up together on a couch in a room that she'd never seen before. It was weird enough seeing them getting along now, but seeing them with their hands clasped together as they used each other as pillows?
Gwen had never been able to wrap her mind around it, but that wasn't what froze her now with her heart racing in her ears as she stared at the bulges in her mom's and aunt's stomachs. Bulges that were so big that they brushed together and were just barely hidden under their maternity clothes.
Bulges she stared at instead of the words that her father had written so carefully under the photograph. Words she didn't need to read now, not when she already had them memorized. I found this while we were going through photographs, Pumpkin. Mom gave it to me before she… I know she'd want you to have it, so don't tell your mother or your aunt that I snuck it in. I think it's the first picture of you and your cousin together.
Those last five words kept going through Gwen's head over and over again like a spell, one she couldn't stop. If the magic listened to her at all anymore she knew it would be storming around her, but it didn't. Not in weeks and weeks. It was as gone as he was because she…
She…
She couldn't finish the thought. She didn't even know how long she sat there until she heard a knock at the door that almost made her scream and did make her jump as her mom stuck her head in. "Gwen, haven't you heard me calling for you? I'm sorry that it took me so long to get back from taking Michelle home, but she - " the woman started, her forced smile bright before it faded and her hand went to her mouth. "You're back in bed?"
"I don't feel good," Gwen mumbled in the face of those words and the disappointment in them as she slammed the album shut.
Her mom's disappointment didn't go away even after Gwen squeezed her eyes shut and hid her head in the pillow. Neither did her mother as the woman padded over and sat down on the edge of her bed. She felt a hand brush against hers and the album before it found her arm. The touch just made Gwen hide deeper before she heard a sigh and the one word she always dreaded. "Gwendolyn…" She still didn't open her eyes or let go of the album as she turned her head just enough that a cool hand could reach her forehead. The sigh that came as the hand dropped away was almost as bad though. "You're not running a fever. And you felt well enough to spend all of yesterday at the dojo and have a sleepover last night."
Those were different, Gwen wanted to say. One was training and it didn't matter if it was at the dojo or in the woods in the middle of the night as she practiced spells that didn't do anything. Those were everything she should have been doing instead of being lazy. And she'd only let Michelle spend the night because the girl put her hands on her hips and insisted even though she couldn't face someone waking her up in her bedroom who didn't have bug eyes anymore. She wanted to explain, not that her mother would understand. No one would. No one but the boy who didn't call. "I must have caught something while I was helping Sensei yesterday. I thought that Paul looked icky."
The words got the thin-lipped look that Gwen hated. The one that just made her want to hide, to make her try harder until the A on her test got the plus next to it that it should even if she did spend the whole night before studying. It was also the only warning she got before her mom grabbed the covers and pulled them away. "Even if you did, it won't kill you in the next few hours, Gwendolyn."
Gwen tried to say as she grabbed for the covers, hoping that she'd get them before her mom saw the sneakers that she'd just managed to get on after Michelle left and didn't bother to kick off because it was just too much. "But - "
"You're dressed at least," Her mother allowed with a sigh and the sound was worse than any look that could have come from those green eyes. It was almost as bad as what she said next. "We're already late celebrating your Grandpa's birthday, Gwen. And all he wanted was to spend it with you."
"I know." The words made Gwen's stomach lurch with guilt, but that didn't stop what she said next even as she tried to grab for the covers. "But why are you even letting me go? I thought you were still mad at him." They were the last ones she ever imagined she would, but she said them anyway because they were the last chance she had to get out of this. To get away from a Grandpa who barely talked to her and cousin who couldn't stand to look at her.
Her mom froze and her eyes went wide at the words as the covers slipped out of her hands. Covers Gwen grabbed and yanked back up even as her mom turned and sat down next to her, and it was almost the last thing Gwen saw before she disappeared under them. Almost, but her mom reached out first, and when she felt the hand brush through her hair it was her turn to freeze, her turn to let the covers drop just enough that she could look at the woman as she sighed again. Sighed and pulled up her legs so she could lie down next to her like she hadn't in years. Shoes and all.
"I am," her mom finally said as they shared a pillow and her hand went back to the photo album, her fingers tracing the picture in the cover. Her mother's eyes were wet and her mouth twisted as she looked up again. Not into the frown that Gwen was sure she'd see. Not when the woman's lip quivered as her hand moved from the album to Gwen's head. "We all are."
There was a sigh then as Gwen turned into her mother's hand so she wouldn't cry and fingers brushed at the hair she didn't even have the energy to find the clip for as the words kept coming. "I wish you could understand, Honey. Your Grandfather lied to us, Gwendolyn. I know he only did it so we wouldn't worry after that awful day, but he did." It was the way that her lips turned into thin lines as she said that made Gwen push herself up so she could defend the man, but her mom looked away before she could and sucked in another breath. When she met Gwen's eyes again she just looked embarrassed as she bit her lip before she added, "And I overreacted. We all did. We were worried sick already, and when you all pulled up in Aunt Vera's car we took it all out on him. We've all apologized and worked it out, but even if we didn't - even if we didn't, I wouldn't keep him from seeing you. Especially not today. Besides, he's promised that he wouldn't do it again if the three of you ever go on another road trip."
Another trip? Gwen heard the words and almost laughed. She wasn't worried about another trip. She wanted this one back. She wanted...
"I can't imagine how you must have felt after what happened, Gwen, after what you saw. I wish so much that you would talk to me or your dad or your Grandfather about it," her mother said. "I do know you're tearing yourself apart because of it. I don't know why, but I know that you are."
Gwen almost laughed because she couldn't. Because it was all her fault. She'd thought of a dozen things since that night that she could have done that would have fixed everything if she'd just been faster, or stronger, or smarter or as perfect as her mom thought she was, as she tried to be, but it wasn't enough and not even magic was listening to her anymore.
All of that went through her head again and then her mother said the only thing that finally made the thoughts stop.
"And so is your cousin."
Gwen opened her mouth to deny it, that he was just mad at her, but the only thing that came out was a sob.
Her mother pulled her close and kept brushing her hair even as she sniffled, too. "I know that you don't believe it, but he is. Your aunt and uncle are as worried as we are about him and about how you two aren't talking. I still don't know how you two ended up being friends after all of these years, but you're such good ones now. And friends don't leave when things get bad. Not real ones, and I know you, Gwen. I know that's just what you are. I know it's hard, but you have to try. If for no other reason than the fact that school is coming up and he needs his best tutor back."
"He won't show up," Gwen said. She thought he would at the first karate class, but he never even got out of his mom's minivan after he opened the door. No. He just took one look at her, closed his door, and drove away.
And she couldn't even blame him.
"He'll show up today, I promise. He will even if Carl and Sandy have to tie him to the seat," her mom said, and then her voice cracked as she kept stroking Gwen's hair. "We all kept hoping that if we gave you two enough space that things would get better, but they didn't. All you did was hide all summer. You're better than that. My little girl has never hidden from anything in her life, except maybe spiders."
Gwen let out a startled little laugh at that. One she couldn't help as her mom finally smiled and leaned in close. Close enough that she felt the lips brush her forehead as she tried to explain that she wasn't hiding. She was just trying to figure out what she should say, but the words wouldn't come.
They hadn't in weeks. Not for her mom or Michelle or the only person that made them matter. Not here or at the dojo or anywhere else her parents or her best friend dragged her to.
The only thing that came was guilt. The only things she felt were lost and alone.
She used to be so good at being alone, too, but she didn't remember how anymore. How she faced every day without anyone to talk to without a Doofus bugging her with endless text messages, or poking her as they went through flashcards she made for when they studied together, or sharing a smoothie in the middle of the night after they saved the day. She tried, though. The other day she pulled out her old planner and markers and tried to plan out the rest of her summer like she used to, but it didn't help. It just felt... pointless. She ended up just doodling all over the planner until the markers went dry. "I don't - I can't..." She whimpered into her mom's shoulder.
"Yes, you can," her mom finished for her when she couldn't. "It'll be okay. You'll see. It's only for a few hours. You put up with Ben for a whole summer back when he was ten and he acted a whole lot worse."
"He wasn't-" She started to say he wasn't that bad, but he was. He was so bad that she wanted to strangle him half of the time, but only half. The other...
For once, her mother saw through her. The woman pulled away and gave her a look that tried so hard to look serious before it turned into a grin. "What have I said about lying, Gwendolyn Rose Tennyson?"
Gwen flushed at that and for once it wasn't because she heard her full name. Flushed and squirmed as she admitted, "I was pretty bad, too."
She expected her mother to disagree, not the bell of a laugh that she got. "You don't have to tell me that! You were horrible back then."
"I was not!"
"You were, too! I've never met anyone as bossy and as sure as you, but you were ten. Everyone is horrible when they're ten." Her mother looked at her and was quiet for a long moment. Gwen squirmed because she knew that look and could just imagine the baby pictures that her mom was seeing as she reached up again and brushed a lock of hair out of Gwen's face."You've both grown up so much since then. And you are both stronger than this. Stronger even than that alien."
Gwen wished she was, but she heard the step squeak outside her door and she just wanted to run.
She wanted to, but she didn't.
Not until Grandpa knocked at the frame of her door, but the second she saw him smile as he filled the doorway she sprung out of bed and forgot about her mother and the album and everything else as she dashed across her bedroom in relief. The force of her hug staggered the big man back and knocked the air out of his lungs and she almost felt sorry for doing it, but he had his arms around her before she could say a word and he squeezed them all out of her. Them and a few tears as she buried her face in his barrel of a chest because she was so sure he hated her, too, and seeing him smile when he saw her...
It was almost as good as hearing his chuckle again, but nothing compared to the feeling of him wrapping his arms around her as he whispered, "I've missed you, too, Pumpkin," into her hair. They were words she didn't think she'd ever hear again after she'd let him down so bad, and when she did…
Time just stood still until it didn't. Until she heard her bed squeak behind her as her mom got up. "Max."
Grandpa tensed and Gwen would have spun around when he did if he let her go even a little, but he didn't even if his voice did catch a little. "Lili. How's Frank?"
"Busy," the woman said because it was true. He had so much work now that he came home late every night looking exhausted, and he still spent hours just sitting with her in this room even though Gwen didn't know what to say. He was there this morning, too, until he got a call for a meeting that he couldn't miss and the look on his face as he went… Even Michelle was quiet after that. And all of that was in her mom's voice as she added. "As busy as you, Dad. He would have been here if he wasn't." Her voice was so cold as she said that and her steps were so soft as she stalked closer that Gwen closed her eyes and just waited for the fight that was coming. Only it didn't. Instead, her mom sniffed and her voice quivered. "You Tennysons, always having to save the world."
Her Grandpa laughed at that even as Gwen startled at the words as it turned into a three-way hug. "Always."
Not that it lasted long before her mom pulled away and she squirmed out of his grip. Not far, just enough that she could turn her head up and look at the man. Grandpa looked so much older with his face tanned and his snow-white beard and hair almost wild and a good half-inch longer than she'd ever seen it before. It was enough that it squeezed her throat tight around the question she knew she had to ask. He'd been down in Phoenix all this time and helping while she just sat here and it was too much. "How's…"
"We're getting there," Grandpa said when she couldn't finish because he was Grandpa and he knew. He lost some of his smile even as he reached up for her cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "It'll be a while yet, but we are. You and your cousin don't have a thing to worry about, Pumpkin."
The message behind that was as clear as the words themselves. The world didn't need heroes, didn't need them. She shouldn't have felt so relieved.
Or so hurt. "Good."
Then her Grandpa hugged her close again. "But we're not going to worry about that today, are we, Gwen? It's my birthday and it's already off to a great start now that I've got two of my favorite girls right here."
Her mother bit back a laugh at that. The one that Gwen should have made if it wasn't so hard to hold back the tears. Tears that her mom must have caught as her laugh ended in a sniff of her before she said, "Not all that great, Dad. I saw what you pulled up in."
The noise was just her mom's way of teasing, not the real one, but Gwen pushed out of her Grandpa's arms anyway. "You got the Rustbucket back?!"
Only his hands on her arms kept her from bolting into the room across the hall so she could see home for herself. "No," Grandpa said, and her smile died as his got a sad edge to it. "I'm sorry, Pumpkin. There wasn't anything I could do for my Old Girl, but I've found an even better one."
There weren't words for that, just an excited squeal as Gwen bolted down the stairs with visions of a whirlpool bath and everything else that she ever dreamed of. Everything slick and modern that just worked as she grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open so she could see…
Anything but what was waiting in the street in front of her house. Words failed her until she heard the footsteps behind her. Footsteps that always seemed too soft for a man that big until she found out why. Not that it mattered as she spun around and stomped her foot. "You could have gotten a nice one! Why did you get another Rust Bucket?!"
Because that was just what the RV she saw was. It didn't even look all that different from the real one, it just had an actual nose. Even the colors were the same. And so was her Grandpa's proud smile as he looked over her head. "Nah. The new ones have too many doodads. I like my home to have character."
"Is it - ?" her mom started to ask as she followed, and if Gwen didn't see the worry written all over her face the ways she brought a hand up to her mouth would have given it away.
Max nodded, suddenly serious as he looked at them both and nodded. "I've gone over it twice, and so have a few of my buddies. It doesn't look like much right now, but everything is ship-shape. She'll get us there and back, Lili. Scout's honor."
Her mother didn't look the least bit convinced, but she nodded anyway before she pulled Gwen in for another hug. "Have fun. And tell Ben that we miss him. Tell him he can come over whenever he wants."
Gwen just nodded even though she didn't need magic to know he wasn't in the thing and she just wanted to go back to bed. But that wasn't going to happen, so she let her head fall as she took a step towards the RV that looked so much like their home and was all the more wrong for it.
"And don't forget to give your Grandpa his present, you Silly Bean," her mom said with a titter of a laugh.
Gwen blinked in confusion before she realized. Then she turned and hurried over to the living room's coffee table and the new stew pot with a bow tied around it that she'd left there last night. "Happy Birthday, Grandpa," she said as she hurried back.
He grinned as he took it, but it didn't touch the worry that she saw in his eyes when she dared glancing up. "I knew you liked my cooking."
"It's grown on me," Gwen said with a smile as she tried her best to play along. Besides, it was true. Literally in some cases. It had been months since she had octopus, but she swore she still felt it inside of her stomach as Grandpa put his arm around her and they walked out to the new Rust Bucket together. She would have stopped a dozen times, but he wouldn't let her. He just talked the whole way, not that she heard a word over the sound of her heart in his ears as he reached up and opened the side door because maybe Grandpa could forgive her, but...
Grandpa was the only reason she even kept moving. She didn't have a choice after he clamped his huge hand down on her shoulder before she could bolt and squeezed. That and the fact that it was his birthday and she couldn't let him down. Not again. So she stepped through the door, looked through the empty RV...
And saw him in the dining booth.
Ben was just sitting there in his spot like he had thousands of times before and Gwen couldn't take her eyes off of him. Not when she hadn't seen him in weeks. He looked tired and thin and his hair was a mess even for him, but he was there. He wasn't even tied up. He was there even if he wasn't looking at her. Even if he was just staring at the table and the stains that were in the wrong places.
He didn't look at her, but she couldn't stop staring at him.
Gwen went and sat down across from him as he studied the table between them. She wanted to sit next to him, but her whole body felt as tight as a piano wire and she was afraid if she sat next to him she would snap.
He was right there. She'd had so many nightmares where he wasn't. Where he was…
And he was right there.
She barely even noticed when Grandpa walked away. There was just the softest brush of his hand in her hair before and then the cough of the engine as he started it after and they were off. After that, there was just the sound of her heart pounding and him as the city outside of them gave away to the country and the roads got smaller and less crowded.
Ben was right there, and her hands ached for his as he ran his fingers picked at a scratch that was dug into the old fake wood of the table, but she couldn't make them move or say a word through the cotton in her mouth. She just stared at him as he sat there in a green windbreaker and the wrong shirt. Wrong because it wasn't his lucky one or the one she got him. There weren't even any band names splashed across the front. It was just a black shirt.
It seemed so wrong for him to be wearing anything that dark and plain that she wanted to ask, but she didn't dare.
And then they stopped and Grandpa was back before she could think of anything else. She felt his eyes on her and watched Ben squirm and knew that the man was watching him, too. Watching just like she was. She heard him clear his throat and knew he was about to say something important, but she had no idea what it could be. Finally, he nodded to himself and said, "Thank you for the gifts, guys. I can't wait to try them out, but they aren't what I was hoping for."
Gwen blinked as a new wave of guilt hit her. She knew all of his cooking stuff was gone, and that was his favorite thing in the world even if nothing he made belonged on it. She thought that the stew pot would be a perfect start to a new set when her mom asked, but she barely even thought about it and she should have. She looked over to make sure that he hadn't already gotten one, but the only thing she saw was the stew pot and a shiny new skillet. He didn't even have dishes yet.
"I told Mom we should have gotten you a new frying pan," Ben muttered.
Grandpa grinned at that and shook his head. "No. You guys did good, but there's only one thing I want." He looked at the two of them, and he mouthed the word try to them both. Then he looked out the side window and Gwen followed his eyes as they looked out at a pond that she'd never seen before. "It's been an age since I was here last and there's something I want to check on. You guys talk, I'll be right back."
And then he left. He left them by themselves. For the first time since they watched the stars in Aunt Vera's backyard, they were alone and together.
"What did he want?" Ben asked as he watched the door close over her shoulder because of course he couldn't look at her. "A waffle maker?"
"You are such a Doofus," Gwen said as she shook her head and almost laughed. She saw a spark of fire in his eyes and got ready for the name-calling contest, but he didn't say a word before he looked down again
If they couldn't even fight...
She stared and prayed for the words she'd spent the last few weeks looking for, but they didn't come. A thought wriggled out of the nothing as she stared at the green coat and the number on it and she seized it up because it was obvious what it was even if she hadn't found his school colors before he even started last year. "Daddy said you made the soccer team."
Ben just shrugged. "I'm just the goalie. It's no big - "
She felt her nails dig into her thighs right through her capris even as she stared at the number and forced a smirk. "And they made you number ten? Ben t- ?"
"Don't even!" Ben huffed at and she couldn't breathe because he sounded like her Doofus again even as a scowl cut deep into his face. "Coach thought it was funny and I've..." The fire in his voice was so close to what it should have been, and then it just faded away as he shook his head. "It's just a number."
"I know. But it sounds good and you'll be -" And the word caught in Gwen's throat. She couldn't do this. She couldn't sit here and lie. Not to him. "You don't even care about soccer."
He reached up and rubbed the back of his head, but he still didn't meet her eyes. "Yeah, I -"
"You don't even care! You never talked about it at all," she tried to get control over her mouth because this was the first time they'd talked since forever and she was yelling at him and if she didn't stop he would walk away and - "You were good at karate! You went through all the belts that I did in half of the time!"
He flushed and froze at the words until he mumbled, "I had a good teacher."
Heat filled her cheeks because she knew he didn't mean Sensei. Every time he had a problem with a move he came to her for help. He did what she said and never complained even if he moaned about it. When he finally got it right he always looked so happy, and she felt so proud. "You liked karate and you can come back. I know you can come back."
Sensei said that often enough. He told her that every day she went to the dojo as he asked her questions she couldn't answer with eyes as worried as Grandpa's and almost as miserable as Ben's were as he sank deeper in his seat. "No."
"But why?"
"Because we would have to..." Ben said as the misery in his eyes turned into something panicked - trapped - before they disappeared behind his hand as he shoved it through his hair. "I'd have to - "He fidgeted like he was about to bolt. If he left... Then he closed his eyes and whispered. "I hit you. You were hurt and I..."
Gwen blinked in confusion as her mind raced, and even more when she realized and her heart broke again even as she hated the man who owned this RV. That night was a mess in her head, and she didn't get injected with whatever it was that Grandpa used on her Doofus. She tried to keep it out of her voice as she reached over and grabbed his hand and knew she couldn't. "You didn't! You've never laid a hand on me, Ben. I promise you didn't."
He froze at the touch and she felt the panic fill him. Enough that she was sure he'd yank his hand back, and her eyes filled again when he didn't. God, when did she turn into such a girl? She waited for him to tease her like he should, but he just squeaked out, "That's not true. I put you on the mat twice."
It was a weak joke. And a weaker dodge. She was about to call him a Doofus, but she knew it wouldn't fit. Not now. "Ben. You didn't. I wouldn't have let you."
"You aren't that good."
"I so am."
Ben stared at her for so long after that. Enough that she would have squirmed and said something if he was anyone else, but she didn't now. Now she just stared back and did her best to make him believe her. It might have even worked because he finally gave her a little nod and almost seemed to relax a little bit. Then he looked around and his hand was in his hair again. He made a face as hers fell and said, "I gotta get out of here. This place doesn't feel right."
She didn't say a word. She just nodded and let go of his hand as she got up and followed him out, and then rushed so she could stand next to him. She waited the whole time for him to yell at her, or run off. She waited and felt sick doing it, but he just shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and stared at the ground as they circled the pond together.
Not on the path that was right there and led to a little dock on it that seemed so familiar. No, he walked through the bushes right next to it because he was still him. Not that she cared. Not when he was right there. Not when she could feel the material of his jacket brushing her arm as they walked through grass that tickled the strip of skin at her calves that her jeans left bare.
The park - and it must have been one - was probably beautiful, but she didn't even glance at it as they walked. She just watched the boy next to her from the corner of her eye until he stopped dead in his tracks and so did she. Instinct made her look at the lake as a huge fish jumped out and splashed not ten feet ahead of them.
One that looked so familiar that it itched.
And then she remembered. She looked all around and grabbed his arm again because it was suddenly all so familiar that she almost staggered even though they hadn't been here in years. "This is Grandpa's pond!" The one she hadn't been to since she was little. The one Grandpa took her to because of the boy next to her…
She didn't remember why though. They were too small. She just got a flash of him tearing up a piece of paper that seemed so important as their moms yelled at each other and her pushing him because of it. Then there were just tears after he went away and...
"Duh," Ben said next to her and it almost sounded like him again as the fish jumped again and splashed the water right next to them just like it did when she was small and had a fishing line right there.
Gwen stared at it and the ripples it left behind and wondered if the fish was hers. The first one she had ever caught and the one that Grandpa had talked her into putting back because it was such a small thing.
She fought so hard to keep that fish.
Why did she fight so hard for a fish, but not for them? She could feel him slipping away from her even though he was right next to her. Slipping right out of her hand again. That thought shook her to the core and was the only thing that finally forced the words out of her that she'd been thinking for weeks. The ones she was never brave enough to say until now. "I'm sorry."
Ben stopped dead in his tracks at that. He stopped and looked as confused as he ever had with math. "What?"
"I'm sorry that I let you down. That I made you face that monster by yourself. If I'd been faster or smarter..." If she was as smart as everyone said when it didn't matter. When it was just some stupid test or science project. She hugged herself tightly and stared at her feet as she fought tears because he was almost just a photo in an album and it was all her fault. "You've been there every time I needed you, Ben, but the one time you needed me…" her voice caught there because they weren't the right words.
If she'd just held on.
"You're sorry?" Ben repeated as he looked away and laughed and she squeezed her eyes tight and looked away at that bitter sound because she'd hurt him enough. She wouldn't do it more by crying. Not now. She should have known it would take more than a half-assed apology. "You almost died and you're sorry."
Those words hit like a punch and that was when she realized that he wasn't laughing at all. Her breath caught as her eyes flew open, but he had his back to her and kept it that way even as she grabbed his arm. "I - I am. I could have - "
He shook his head again. He shook it and finally looked at her with eyes that were red and still wet even after he wiped them with his sleeves. "There wasn't anything you could have done."
"There was plenty!" She shouted at him as her hand slipped down his arm to his and squeezed hard so he'd stop pretending that he didn't hate her. "I could have made a shield, or a tornado or a - "
"Squidface was waiting for us! If it wasn't the drone it would have been something else," Ben said, his voice shaking, and he sounded so haunted. "He told me. He attacked the city just to lure us in. Lure me in. He was waiting and he was ready."
"I still - "
"It was all my fault. He killed all those people because of me! He almost killed you because of me! He wanted to make me watch because - "
And instantly she forgot her guilt, just for a second. "What?"
"I can't believe that mom and dad made you come, I'm - I know that you don't - " Ben muttered, his voice as miserable as the rest of him as he kept staring down at a table that was just as wrong as everything else. He just shook his head and sounded like he was getting strangled as he rubbed his left wrist and he said, "If I had just left the Omnitrix alone, he wouldn't have bothered with us. He wouldn't have hurt anyone, but I had to be a hero and…"
She heard his voice break at that as he turned away and felt him flinch as she took his shoulder and tried to make him turn back, but he wouldn't. "Vilgax was a monster, Doofus. You aren't responsible for - "
"He wouldn't have - !"
"Ben!" Gwen said as she tried to cut in, to take away the horror in his eyes, but he wouldn't let her. He just turned his back and bent over as his breath came out ragged and she was sure he was going to be sick, and she just wanted to hold him, but…
But if she touched him…
She didn't breathe until he could. She just wrapped her arms around herself and watched until he finally straightened and she saw his face again. Saw the horror that was still written all over it and didn't disappear even after he closed his eyes and rubbed at them with the heel of his hand. His watch hand, the still pale skin just showing as his sleeve pulled up. "I can't do it. I can't spar. I keep going through the fight in my head and I - And soccer is... It's not bad."
"Oh," Gwen said as her shoulders slumped. What could she say to that? She shouldn't have pushed him about karate, but that was the only way they would spend any time together. She should have realized that he needed to get away from everything for a while. And if he needed time away from her, too, then… "I'm…"
"I need a break from fighting," Ben repeated as he let go of her hand and jammed his back into his pockets and shuffled his feet. His next words were a mumbled rush and he didn't look at her at all as he said them. "But it's not like my school is any further away from the dojo now and I checked the schedule. We're out a half an hour before you, but Mom keeps saying that waiting a few minutes wouldn't be a problem."
Gwen's breath caught at that and her mind froze until his shoulders slumped and he kicked at the ground. "Yeah. I under - "
That was as far as he got before her body finally listened and she jumped him. Maybe he would have caught her if he didn't have his hands in his pockets. Maybe they wouldn't have ended up tumbling down together in a tangle of limbs as she hugged him tight. Maybe, but she hoped not as he landed flat on his back in the grass, and she ended up on top of him just as he got his arms free and wrapped them around her.
"You could have just said okay," Ben coughed into her ear as if the words could hide even a bit of the relief that filled his voice and he was only trying to hide because he was a Doofusand a boy.
But she didn't care.
"What fun would that be?" She asked and felt giddy because this was her Doofus. The guilt was still there, but for right now it didn't matter.
Not as he squeezed her even closer. Not as she looked up and saw him finally grinning like a dork, too, as he let his head fall back into the grass and she felt him relax under her. "Good."
"Better than good," she mumbled as she closed her eyes and just felt the relief flow through her. For more than a month now she'd been trying to think of a way to even start to fix things and here it was.
And she still couldn't think of any words. Not when something broke in her chest and all of the sleepless nights hit her at once. Not when the sound of his heart was right there as she laid her head on his chest and just listened. She knew that she must have looked like such a Dweeb, but she didn't care. Not right then.
No, she just listened to the fast thumps of his heart as she breathed in the smell of him and the grass and trees, listened to it speed up because she was a nerd and she had to count the beats and it was all just perfect - like heaven - and she wished that they could stay there forever.
Perfect enough that she was just about to fall asleep in his arms - and maybe she did. Maybe they both did for a moment. She hoped so because she could tell that he'd gotten just as much sleep as she had just by looking at him. She thought she heard him let out the little snore he always made and almost smiled when he squeezed her and finally asked, "Did you fry that big brain of yours or did you forget that you gotta move that big butt of yours before we hang out?"
"M'butt'snotbig," Gwen grumbled even though he was too comfy to get mad at and too warm for moving to even be an option. "And no."
"I could make you."
"No, you can't. You don't have the Watch anymore." Gwen was almost back to sleep when those words slipped out of her in a sing-song. Then they sank in and she forgot all about it as her eyes shot open in a panic.
But he just laughed. "Please. Like I need the Watch to move a Dweeb," he said even as his hands slipped from her back to her sides.
"Don't you- !" Gwen tried to scream as she realized just what he was going to do, tried to kick away, but she was too late. His fingers danced against her ribs and she exploded in laughter. She tried to roll away, but he followed. She tried to slap him away, but he just grinned. She tried to kick him away, and he just sat down on her hips to keep her pinned as he tortured her.
She was just about to beg him to stop when he froze. She felt his fingers on her stomach, and she giggled a few more times before she realized that he wasn't trying to tickle her any more. She looked down and realized that her shirt had ridden up in the struggle and her stomach was bare now. A stomach his fingers brushed at as they moved over her skin. The last of the bruising had finally faded a few weeks ago and it looked finally normal again. At least to her.
But Ben wasn't smiling anymore and his eyes were looking at something far away even as he stared right at her and whispered, "You almost - I thought you... I kept trying - And then I saw the fireball and I thought..."
"I let you slip out of my fingers," Gwen said in a whisper of her own after he stopped, the words just spilling out as she wrapped her hands around his and squeezed them hard. She heard him suck in a breath at the words she couldn't stop thinking and he finally met his eyes and the rest followed the tears that finally ran down her cheeks and cracked her voice. "I - I see it every night. I try to hold on to you and I can't."
"I wanted to talk to you. Every day," she heard the words, but she didn't know who said them. It didn't matter. Not now. Not that she even imagined that everything was fixed, but she finally had a place to start.
She had her Doofus.
They sat like that for a long time as he kept looking for bruises that weren't there. Gwen looked up at him and let go of a hand so she could brush his messy hair back from the eyes that were still green but were too haunted to ever look right for her Doofus. "I'm okay, Ben. Everyth - "
His lips were on hers before the word ended. Their first kiss was hesitant and over almost before she knew it happened. So was their second, even though she was the one who started it, and their third was sweet, but this one…
This one went on forever. This one only ended when her lungs burned and started again even as she turned and gasped for air. He missed her lips and it didn't matter. So did she as he pulled back in surprise and a bit of embarrassment and she didn't care. Especially not when it was her turn and she just peppered his face with kisses as she cried because each and every one proved that he was alive and here and hers. He only tried to pull away once, tried to say something and she just saw his smirk under his wet eyes and that was enough. Enough that she buried her hands in the mess of his hair and pulled him back down to her.
She missed the sound of his voice so much, but right now she just needed his lips, needed him even as she heard something rustle in the bushes. Something that didn't mean anything until she heard Grandpa cough and say, "There you guys are."
And they jumped apart as she discovered bold new frontiers in blushing. Ben went scrambling back as she tried to yank the hem of her shirt back over her stomach and felt sick because she knew that they had to be careful. So careful because no one would understand and a thousand nightmares went through her head. Careful enough that only Michelle ever noticed anything, and now...
Now she almost had her Doofus back and the world turned into a dark tunnel as she pushed herself away. She saw the same horror written all over her Doofus's face even as she felt the echo of his kisses on her lips.
"We were just playing around!" Ben said as he shoved her away and sprang up to his feet. Only the look on his face kept her from yelling at him when her butt hit the grass.
A look she wished she hadn't seen, because of her "Hey!" sounded so fake and wrong when it finally came out. Fake enough that she was sure she'd see the horror on Grandpa's face when she finally dared a glance. Horror or disgust as she waited for him to drag them back home and tell their parents and she would never see her Doofus again…
She thought she was going to be sick. If she'd eaten anything she might have been because she tasted something foul as her heart hammered.
But the big man was just blushing as he looked up at the clouds until she finally squeaked out a weak, "Grandpa?"
He glanced down second later and let out a relieved sigh that made her pull at the long sleeves of her shirt and Ben squirm as Grandpa rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. "I brought you guys out here today because there's something I wanted to show you. Something I thought would help, but..." Then the corners of his mouth flickered up into a smile. Not a big one, but a smile anyway as he coughed. "But I guess you two worked things out on your own."
"Grandpa…" Ben whined as his face burned brighter and his hand found the back of his neck. "It wasn't - We - "
And then it found hers when he let it drop. He held her hand tight as he looked up with a challenge on his face that Grandpa didn't even try to meet. He just shook his head as Gwen stared at them both until she burst out, "What? What did you want to show us?" just to break the silence.
Grandpa jumped and blinked at that. Then he just looked at them both and nodded. "Right. Come on, and I'll show you," he said as he turned and led them away from the pond and the new Rustbucket both and into the woods. Gwen felt as confused as Ben looked as they followed. It wasn't fair, it wasn't even out of sight of the pond, but she wished she could take her Doofus's hand and squeeze it anyway as Grandpa walked, his hands brushing the trees as he rambled on. "I didn't mean to be gone for so long, but it took me forever to find it. I was starting to think that it had gotten knocked down in a storm or something." He said as he stopped and circled a tree that was bigger than all the rest. One that he ran his hand over just like he did every time the old Rustbucket got a new scratch or dent in it.
"It's a tree," Ben said in a flat voice because he might be busted and nervous, but he was still him and nothing would ever change that.
"It's a nice tree!" Gwen added as she glared because nothing would change that either. Not even the way Ben's eyes glittered as he gave her a look and just shrugged as they followed their Grandpa around the tree as she glared. But that didn't mean that she didn't have the same question itching on the edge of her tongue. A question she almost let slip out when she saw the heart that was carved into the bark.
A heart with the letters M + V inside.
Gwen gasped into her hands as she stared at those letters. The ones Grandpa reached for and brushed his fingers over. He sounded so distant as he said, "I used to bring your Grandma Verdona here whenever I could because she always loved being around the water, not that we got a lot of chances. But you have to take them when they come and - one day after your dads went off at college - we came here and did something a little silly. We had a bit too much sun and bee – lemonade to drink and, just for a few minutes, we forgot that we were both closer to fifty than forty and acted like kids again."
His thumb found the V and followed the sharp line as he added, "I was gone so much back then, but I thought I would always have time to make it up." The words were barely a whisper and then he was just gone. Gwen could see it in his eyes and it made her leap forward so she could give him the hug she didn't need to be a sorceress or a hero to know he needed. A second later Ben was there, too, with an awkward pat on the back because he was a boy, but it must have been enough because it worked. Grandpa started and turned as he wrapped an arm around her and held out his other. Ben grumbled for almost a whole heartbeat before he stepped forward for a bear of a hug. "Thanks, guys, but that's not why… Don't make the mistake I did. Don't wait."
Something in his eyes made her and Ben back up and reach for each other's hand again. There was no point in pretending anymore. "How?" She asked because he had to know before he caught them. He wouldn't have shown them this if he didn't. How did he find out?
How did she screw up?
There was a flicker of something in Grandpa's eyes at that, but he shook it away with a smile as he reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "You two can't hide anything from me, Pumpkin. Not after I've watched both of you grow up. I've seen you at each other's throats and risking your lives to save each other. I've seen you both so happy and I hope the last few weeks are the worst you ever have to deal with. I've watched you both and..." And his voice failed him just like they did her.
Grandpa let them go so he could reach into his pocket and pull out the folding knife he always had there. The one he'd gotten when he had first joined the Air Force and kept ever since. The one she'd heard all sorts of stories about, enough that she knew it used to be painted blue and been stamped with an Air Force logo, but that had all been worn away years ago.
Now there was just the metal left. Just what mattered, Grandpa always said.
He stared down at the gleaming steel for another heartbeat before his eyes went to the heart again and he let out another sigh. "I carved that with this knife. It's still plenty sharp, and this tree should last a long time. Just promise me..." He gave the tree one more look before he turned, reached down for their joined hands, and slipped the folded up knife between them. He looked them both in the eyes and said, "Just promise me you'll be careful."
Gwen could only swallow and nod as her vision blurred again, and Ben didn't even do that much. He just stared at her with wide green eyes. Eyes she missed as much as the rest of him.
"I'll be waiting back at the Rust Bucket. We have a bit of time before my birthday dinner and I have some marshmallows that need cooking when you're done," he said as he reached up and squeezed Ben's shoulder and then brushed his hand over her hair. Then he turned and walked away.
Gwen watched him until he disappeared in the trees and then she turned and swallowed hard as she stared at the boy next to her. He stared back at her as he squeezed the knife in their hands, but neither of them moved. Not after all the time that they'd spent dancing around this. Since the night under the stars, the dinner, New Years'…
No, they'd danced around this for years now. Since their first summer together and before that. Since before she even hated him. Ben swallowed so hard next to her that she could hear it as he stared down at the knife and ran his thumb over the side of the handle. "If we do this…" he started, and his voice cracked in the middle. She almost laughed at the sound of it, and then he looked up and the wide green eyes she'd missed so much stared right into hers as he asked, "If we do this it won't be a game anymore, will it?"
"No," Gwen squeaked the word out through too dry lips as she just looked at him and remembered the last two years. They were the most terrifying and fun and thrilling and way too often stinky years of her life and she'd almost forgotten them all because of the eight longest minutes of her life. Eight minutes where she had seen her life without him and she just couldn't deal, she just hid from him and everyone else and she knew…
She knew if it wasn't for today, she'd still be hiding. She'd have hidden for years if her mom hadn't dragged her out of bed and Grandpa hadn't brought her here, and she'd have spent it with the same empty look in her eyes that she saw in all the photos of her Grandmother and that still filled her Grandpa's.
Gwen knew it and it still didn't make it any easier. Not when it took her months just to work up the courage to kiss Ben back and if they did what Grandpa wanted it would mean so much more than a kiss. It would be a promise and…
And she just wanted to forget about the knife and leaned forward so she could find her Doofus's lips again. Her mind raced with worries as she did just that. Worries that melted away when they kissed. "No, it won't," she repeated when she finally pulled away, sure for the first time since New Years'.
She was done with worrying, with games.
He was, too. She could tell just by the way the corner of his lip curled up. He only did that when he was serious and she almost squealed at the sight of it. Only dignity stopped her, but it couldn't keep her from bouncing on her toes as the curl turned into a grin and he took the knife. The blade caught the sunlight as he flipped it open just like Grandpa showed them, and pressed the tip against the bark a foot under where Grandpa had carved into it a long time ago.
"Let me do the letters," she said as he got started.
"Stop being so bossy," Ben said right back as the first bit of bark broke free.
"Am not! My handwriting is just better than yours and you know it!"
"On paper! This isn't the same thing, Dweeb."
"Is too, Doofus," Gwen said before she cheated as she wrapped her arms around his middle and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Not for the quick dart that she usually gave it, even if it did still end when she couldn't hold back her smirk anymore. Especially when she saw his face burn bright red. Then he turned his head when she pulled away and just stared, his words gone again but this time she just giggled at the sight.
Finally, he blinked and stammered, "B-Both do half?"
And she just smirked and nodded, sure that he'd get her back soon just from the look in his eye and bit her lip because she couldn't wait to find out how. Then she almost gasped as she realized that he didn't have to do more than smirk a little to leave her blushing and make her hide her face in his shoulder. "So not fair!" She mumbled because maybe she really was sick, but she didn't let go even as she felt him chuckle. He already had the tip of the knife against the tree when she finally dared look up again. She stayed bent over so she could rest her head on his shoulder as she watched him carefully carved out a B and a curved line around it before he held out the knife.
"About time, Doofus," she said as she took it, her voice so much more prim and proper than she felt because the pain was still there in his eyes just like she knew it was in hers, but it didn't matter anywhere near as much now. Not even when he took the knife's blade with his left hand so he could hold it out for her and the sleeve of his jacket pulled up a little when he did. Enough that she saw the pale skin that marked where the Watch should have been. They both paused then as something filled his eyes as they both looked at that empty spot. Something that melted away as his eyes met hers again and she felt the mana, the magic all around her as he grinned at her, and never as strong as when she took the knife from him and her fingers brushed his.
Her shaking fingers. And he saw it, too. She knew it just from the way he laughed, wrapped his arms around her, and asked, "Something wrong, Dweeb?" She shivered at the sound of it and the feel of his fingers as they tickled her side, the jerk.
Her jerk.
And her Doofus and her hero after all they'd been through. Because of everything that they'd been through together, and it wasn't just the hero time. He was her everything and he was okay and he was right here and he was hers.
Finally.
"No," Gwen breathed as she forgot about even trying to say anything else because she didn't need words right now. Not even so she could argue or point out that she was the one with the knife now just to tease him. "No, this is perfect," she said instead and almost laughed as his eyes went wide with a happy worry before she darted forward and caught his lips again in another kiss because she couldn't help herself.
A kiss that stole away his worry and her almost away as she giggled at the flush that filled his face as they broke apart. Then she turned in his arms and started carving...
- o - The End - o -
To be continued in Ben 10: Breaking Point Rebooted
Erico's Omake
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who traveled the world with their grandfather.
They saw many wondrous things, faced terrible dangers, and survived it all. And along the way, somehow, inexplicably...they became friends.
They came back home and tried to be normal, but they couldn't. They were different now, and they saw the world for what it was.
They saw the world and knew what they could be, what the world needed them to be.
They saw a path ahead of them and realized they couldn't walk it alone.
They were friends, and then in an instant, they weren't. But things weren't like they used to be. They were worse. Because when the world made them hurt, they couldn't face it alone.
So they cleaved to each other and didn't let go.
They learned that they could face anything, any pain, as long as they had each other.
They learned that they were more than friends
and that their story had just begun.
- o - o - o - o - o -
Chapter Art
There are two pieces for this chapter. The first was made by my friend csgt. Just add /shadows59/art/Tennyson-Family-Tree-850949327 after the com of DeviantArt.
The second is by kittykillasumaq and you can see it by adding /kittykillasumaq/art/Little-Moments-838827964 after the com.
- o - o - o - o - o -
Author's Notes
I want to thank everyone for reading this. I know that no one was expecting a reboot after all the years I was gone, but the story finally matches the one in my head. Or it's close enough anyway. I even managed to describe what Michelle looked like this time around : )
And thank you to everyone who left a review or kudos for this version or the classic. You made my day. I wanted to put down all your names here, but there are just so many. More people have followed this story than I ever imagined would, all the way back to my first reviewer, Mr. BG.
I also wanted to thank everyone who contributed art to this story. R.L. Cruz, Firette, Kira0503, Zilpa Eden, cgst, Amethyst-Ocean, banmes. You guys made my day and I hope that you'll see more that inspires you as the story goes on. I have to admit I am hoping for one of the first time Ben plays the guitar while Gwen dances...
Finally, I especially want to thank my co-writer Erico because I never would have come back to this world without him. I don't know what gave you the patience to put up with me for all those years, but I can never pay you back for the way that you never let me give up on this story or myself.
Once again, thank you to everyone and I'll be seeing you again as soon as Breaking Point Rebooted is ready.