"Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living."
~Albert Einstein
-Levi's POV-
As we left the safety of the walls at Erwin's command, I knew I needed to focus on the task at hand. Emmryn had wished me luck and safety before I left as well as the rest of the Special Operations Squad. For some reason, she had seemed very concerned, similar to the day the attack on Trost happened. She made me promise to come back alive for the 20th time in the last 12 hours, and I had rolled my eyes, commenting that for a soldier, she sure was acting like a wife whose husband was going to war.
"I guess I kind of am this time around," she had teased, a small, worried smile on her face as she gently adjusted my cravat. I had placed a soft kiss on her head and pulled her to me for a moment before promising to come back and turning to leave with the rest of the squad.
As we began the expedition, everything appeared to be going smoothly as the formation spread out, but it wasn't long before black flairs began appearing across the right flank. Here it comes. I thought to myself as I darted my eyes to the forest with giant trees in the distance. This plan of yours better fucking work, Eyebrows. Your last plan was shit. It seemed like almost no time had passed when a soldier approached our squad, informing us that the right side of the formation was completely wiped out. I could hear the little titan brat panicking and ignored him, instead ordering Petra to go inform the next squad. She quickly did and was back just in time for us to follow the command into the forest.
As we entered the forest, I ordered everyone to ready their ODM gear, fully aware that the abnormal titan was quickly approaching us unbeknownst to my squad. As soon as the abnormal titan showed up, it killed two men that were following behind us on ODM gear to warn us. Seeing them die so quickly seemed to really get to the brat, not that I blame him. It's never easy to watch your fellow soldiers die, no matter how many times you see it. In response to this, he raised his hand up to bite himself and transform but was stopped by the pleas of our squad. I looked ahead. Just a little further. We finally reached the place where we needed to signal, so I shot a concussion shell into the air, confusing my squad.
"Look, Eren, I don't know what the right decision is. I never have. You can either transform and try and fight this titan, or have faith in your comrades and keep running. It's your decision, and I can't tell you which one to choose. Just know that you need to make the choice you will be able to live with," I told him honestly, causing him to pause for a moment before lowering his hand.
"I'll trust you guys!" he yelled as he finished several bangs went off as various cannons shot steel cables into the abnormal titan, shocking my squad. I ordered them to take Eren and the horses up into the forest aways and left Eld in charge while I was gone. I quickly deployed my ODM gear to meet up with Erwin.
"Your plan actually worked, Erwin. Color me impressed," I greeted in a bored tone, resisting the urge to make a comment regarding his plan that almost got Emmryn killed less than 48 hours prior. Banishing that thought from my head, I moved onto the neck of the abnormal titan and began asking her if she was okay with cutting off her limbs and other things to provoke her, hoping that she would let her guard down or at the various least move her hands away from her nape.
As if responding to that, the female titan let out a horrific screech causing all of us to cover our ears. Within minutes, there were dozens of titans on us to the point where they began devouring the female titan. I had to get away to help fend off the oncoming titans, as there were too many for the support squads to handle.
By the time we managed to fend off all of the titans, I approached the female titan to see that the nape had a hole in it. Goddammit. Erwin ordered me to refill my gas and blades before returning to my squad, and though I didn't agree with him, I followed his orders. As I was finishing filling my gas tanks, my blades already replenished, the sound of two titans transforming could be heard within a short span of time. I cursed under my breath, quickly reattaching my gas tanks and deploying my ODM gear and heading out after the sound.
As I was moving through the trees, I came across a clearing where I saw Eren being taken into the mouth of the female titan. My eyes widened as I saw the bodies of each of my squad in various places. I had passed Gunther's body on the way here but forced myself to keep going. There would be time to grieve later. If the female titan got Eren, their deaths would have been in vain. Just as I was coming up with a plan, the other Ackerman landed beside me, her eyes wide with panic before narrowing to a murderous expression.
"Don't even think about it, Ackerman. Our priority right now is retrieving Eren, not killing that bitch. We are not enough to kill her," I ordered as I told her my plan. She begrudgingly agreed, and I had a bad feeling that she was going to get herself killed. As we began, things were going well when instead of going for her jaw like we had planned, the stupid brat went for the female titan's nape, when the female titan crystallized her skin again. I almost didn't make it in time to stop her from being crushed, but in the process, I landed wrong, and I felt my ankle crack and winced before leaving the brat on the tree branch and going and cutting the joints in the titan's jaw myself and grabbing the saliva covered Eren in the process before going and giving him to the other kid. I looked up and saw the female titan get up with what looked to be tears in her eyes as she began running away.
"He's alive. Disgusting, but alive," I told her, "Now let's return back to the commander. We need to have someone come back and retrieve the bodies of our fallen comrades before we head back." She just nodded, her focus clearly on the brunette in her arms.
-Time Skip to the trip back to the Walls-
The journey back to the walls was somber but fairly uneventful until some idiots ended up causing some titans to chase after us. In order to escape the titans without any more casualties, we had to sacrifice the bodies of our fallen comrades, and as I saw the bodies of my squad being fed to the titans, I had to bite back an angry yell and look forward as I silently thanked them for their final sacrifice. Finally, we made it back inside the walls.
As we made it inside, the same taunts and comments we always get from the general populace echoed around me, but I honestly couldn't even hear them at this point as I felt the strong loss of my squad, which was only exacerbated when a man came up to me, telling me he was Petra's father and telling me how he had received a letter from Petra about how she was going to devote herself to me and her pride in being chosen to be on my squad. He even commented something about her being too young to marry. That broke me a bit.
"Sir," I finally said, my hand that was gripping my reins shaking, "Petra did not make it… She died saving many lives." The man looked devastated and he gripped the letter in his hand before taking a deep breath, tears flowing down his face.
"Tell me, Captain Levi, did her sacrifice make a difference?" he asked in a hopeful voice, and I didn't have a for sure answer for him. But I knew what he needed to hear.
"Yes sir, it did. Her entire life helped those around her. I know for a fact that even before this expedition, Petra made a huge impact on my wife's life as well," I answered as honestly as I could. He gave me a weak smile, and I handed him Petra's badge from her uniform. I had collected all of them from my squad's bodies before loading them onto the wagon. He clutched it close to his heart.
"Thank you, Captain. Is your wife's name Emmryn by chance?" he asked, that weak smile of his reminding me way too damn much of Petra. Surprised by his question, I nodded, earning a small chuckle from him.
"Petra has been mentioning her in her letters for almost 3 years now. She talked about admiring the girl greatly," he said, "And I would love for you and your wife to come and have dinner with our family sometime. It would mean a great deal to get to know the people that Petra thought so highly of." I looked at him in shock before nodding, making a note to speak with Emmryn about it at a later time.
"I'm sure Emmryn would enjoy that, but give us some time and yourselves time to grieve as well. I haven't told Emmryn yet about Petra, so it will take some time," I responded, still kind of shell shocked and emotionally spent from the hellish day I had. The man nodded and gave me a smile through his tears that made guilt eat away at me even more before excusing himself.
As soon as he did that, I mounted my horse and took off towards HQ. I needed to see Emmryn. I had lost so much today, and I just had to see her safe or else I was actually going to lose it. The ride to HQ was a blur, and I immediately went to the infirmary to Emmryn's room. When I made it there, I was shocked to find it empty. In my panic, I ran around the HQ searching for her before finally reaching my office/our room and running in there only to find Emmryn, calmly sitting at my desk with her hair pulled halfway up out of her face working on the stack of paperwork I had left incomplete before the expedition on my desk. Wasting no time, I ran up to him despite my hurt ankle and pulled her into my arms and gave her a desperate kiss. Shes alive. She's okay. She's still here.
-Emmryn's POV-
When Levi pulled me into a needy kiss, I was shocked to say the least. I was surprised by the neediness, and I was even more surprised that he was back from the expedition so early, which was never a good sign. After returning his kiss, he pulled back, and I began looking him up and down for injuries, noting that he was putting pretty much no weight on his left foot. But what concerned me most was the look in his eyes. Levi's typically stoic expression was nowhere to be found. He looked deeply troubled as though he were on the verge of breaking. What happened on the expedition?
"They're gone, Emmryn," Levi suddenly dropped a bomb on me, and I stood there in shock as I took in what he just told me.
"Who's gone, Levi?" I finally found the courage to get the words out. He was silent for a moment, and I decided to guide him towards the couch in his office so he could get off of his foot. As soon as we made it onto the couch, he all but collapsed in on himself.
"Gunther, Eld, Oluo, and Petra," he finally choked out, "None of them made it back." I sat there frozen for a minute as his words sunk in. Squad Levi is… gone… Only Levi and Eren survived. I swallowed back the bile that rose in my throat, instead throwing my arms around my emotionally fragile lover and pulling his head to my chest and running my fingers through his greasy raven locks. We sat there for several minutes as I did my best to soothe him, letting him focus on my heartbeat and taking in the fact that I still had him here with me. Yes, this loss hurt, but at least, I didn't lose everyone I loved. Levi kept his promise. He came back to me. I held onto that thought to avoid breaking down before finally speaking.
"I'm going to go run you a bath, Levi. You're filthy," I told him softly, trying to hopefully help take his mind off of grieving our lost comrades as I gently got him off of me and went into our attached bathroom and ran a bath for him. After doing so, I returned back to where I left him on the couch and helped him get to the bath. As soon as I got him into the bathroom, I turned to leave when his hand grasped my arm.
"Stay," he requests, his voice soft, vulnerable. It was nothing like his typically dominant and commanding voice. This man was on the verge of breaking in front of me, and I knew at that point that I couldn't leave him alone. I nodded and we both removed our clothes to bathe. As we get in the tub, with Levi in front of me, he turns to me and grips my shoulders looking me in the eyes before pulling me into a tight embrace, shocking me when I felt his body suddenly wracked by silent sobs.
"I couldn't bring them back, Emmryn…" he said quietly, his voice cracking as the sobs continued to wrack his body. I pulled him closer and stroked his hair again.
"It's not your fault, Levi. We will avenge them," I tried to reassure as tears began flowing from my eyes as well, "They didn't die in vain. We won't let their deaths be in vain dammit." At that, Levi's sobbing stopped though he still shook slightly as he pulled back and looked me in the eyes. His grief turned into anger.
"How many more have to needlessly die?" he asked, not angry at me but clearly pissed at the situation the whole world was in at this point, tears still streaming down his face. He was on the line between panic, an angry breakdown, and a complete emotional breakdown. Finally, I flicked his nose and gave him a stern look, deciding to use his own words against him.
"You're a soldier and an Ackerman goddammit. We don't have time for pity parties," I scolded him with a stern expression as I wiped my own tears away, determination fiercely showing in my tone and my eyes. At this, Levi's expression morphs to one that was more typical of him as he clicked his tongue at me before giving me the slightly sad smile and pulling me into his arms once again, his fingers tangling into my hair.
"Goddammit. I fucking love you, Emmryn Ackerman. You're not allowed to ever fucking die on me," he said softly into my ear, his voice sincere and more stable than I had heard it since he returned from the expedition. Forcing a sad laugh, I gave him the response I knew he needed to hear.
"I'm here, Levi. I love you and I don't plan on going anywhere," I responded as confidently as I could.
Despite our promises to one another, we both knew that survival was never guaranteed, especially as members of the Survey Corps, but for now, we allowed ourselves to blissfully ignore that haunting reality in exchange for the feeling of temporary security that could only be found in each other's arms.
Song: all the kids are depressed by Jeremy Zucker
A/N:
So this is a much longer chapter, and I wanted to let you guys know that there are only two chapters left in this book, but I will be doing a sequel so the story won't be completely ending. I'm estimating that I will start posting chapters for the sequel sometime in two weeks to a month from now since I have a lot going on in the coming couple of weeks, including travelling to two different states that are a fair distance away from where I live with my 1 year old daughter, as well as working on some other stories. I want to thank all of you again for the support you have given this story up until this point, and I hope you all enjoy the final chapters of The Masks We Wear :) 3 Always, Taeha.