"Hey, Greg?"
"Yeah, Greg?"
"I'm Greg."
"I thought I was Vince."
"Am I Greg then?"
"Maybe I'm Greg."
"Then which one of us is Vince?"
"Maybe we're both Greg."
"Are you sure, Greg?"
"Maybe, Greg."
"Then how will we tell each other apart?"
"Well, I'm Greg, right?"
"Yeah, and I'm Greg!"
"So we're Greg!"
"I'm Greg, and you're Greg."
"Yes. I am."
"So what do we do now Greg?"
"I think we should have food."
"We just food had and they won't give us any more."
"That's not nice."
"Draco would give us food."
"I wonder where he is."
"I haven't seen him in the dorms."
"Maybe he's hiding."
"Maybe he's dead."
"Oh no! What'll we do about dead Draco?"
"If he's dead we should be too."
"But I don't wanna die, Vince!"
"Then let's don't die!"
"Don't dying!"
"Don't dying!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Where's Draco?"
"I think he didn't don't die."
"But Draco's really smart though right Vince?"
"Yeah."
"So shouldn't we also didn't don't die like he did?"
"How will we do a didn't don't die?"
"I dunno. Maybe we should ask Draco."
"Yeah. That way we can stop don't didn't don't dying."
"Maybe Draco wants us to figure it out ourselves though Greg?"
"But Greg, how are we supposed to do that?"
"Let's ask him!"
"Yeah, Vince! Let's ask him! Where is he?"
"I think he's hiding."
"Why's he hiding?"
"Maybe somebody wants to kill him."
"Oh no! We have to warn him about somebody wanting to kill him!"
"But first we have to find him to warn him about somebody wanting to kill him!"
"Yeah! Find Draco!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Where's Draco?"
"Maybe he's in the common room."
"But I haven't seen him in the common room."
"And I haven't seen him in the dorms."
"Maybe he's not hiding in Slytherin."
"Why wouldn't Draco be in Slytherin?"
"Yeah, he's supposed to be in Slytherin!"
"Draco has to be in Slytherin!"
"We've gotta find him!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Isn't that Draco?"
"It can't be, we're not in Slytherin."
"Yeah, and he's hiding in Slytherin."
"So that's not Draco."
"No, not Draco."
"Maybe he's somebody trying to be Draco?"
"Who could ever be Draco?"
"Draco could be Draco."
"Maybe that's Draco being Draco who's not Draco."
"But why would Draco being Draco who's not Draco be walking around with a Weasley?"
"Because Draco being Draco who's not Draco is bad at being Draco."
"Why would Draco being Draco who's not Draco be bad at being Draco?"
"Maybe Draco being bad at being Draco being Draco who's not Draco is Draco."
"Which one's Draco again?"
"I think Draco's the blond one."
"Let's go talk to the blond one!"
"But wait, the blond one's in Gryffindor."
"Draco's not in Gryffindor."
"Maybe he's undercover."
"Why's he undercover?"
"Probably needs more sleep."
"We should help him with that."
And with that, Crabbe and Goyle walk over to Neville Longbottom, whom they have decided is Draco Malfoy.
"Hi Draco!" Vince belts out loudly. "Can we help you sleep?"
Neville looks up and blinks a couple of times. "The fuck?"
"We wanna sleep with you, Draco!" Greg explains just as loudly.
Neville pales, with his countenance taking on the look of somebody who just realized he's going to vomit things he hasn't even eaten yet. Several feet away, Draco slaps his palm to his forehead, inadvertently attracting Neville's attention.
"Hey!" Neville barks. "Fuck outta here, cockbags! I told you snitch bitches no bitch snitching! Don't make me get my chain! I'll use it on y'all!"
Draco takes this as his cue to leave. Ron does not until Neville takes a threatening step towards him–a step echoed by Vince and Greg.
"Okay," Ron says awkwardly. "I'm just gonna, uh...bye."
And with that, Ron takes off after Draco.
Neville looks at Vince and Greg. "You know, you guys make for some decent muscle. Wanna roll in my posse?"