On Sunday morning Remus woke up in a lot of pain. His left arm was essentially useless. He pushed himself up onto his right side, staring at the gashes and bites all over his thin arm, the exposed muscles, his hand flopping when he tried to move his arm. He focused on moving his fingers but only one of them twitched a little.

I need to go to the hospital, he thought, struggling to get to his feet. He had some pain in his side and legs but no where near as bad as his arm. He went into the bathroom, rinsing off his right hand before grabbing the piece of chalk. He stared dizzily at the board which had some vague smears on it making him think the wolf had come in to check on the item, reminding himself he needed to be honest with Pomfrey. The board faded in and out of vision as unconsciousness threatened to take over.

I don't want to go in though. What could Pomfrey do? She couldn't heal it. Just wrap it up. He bit his bottom lip then carefully wrote, All good this morning. He set the chalk down, guilt eating away at him for lying. Pomfrey's response soon showed up, stating that she was glad to hear that.

Then Remus fell to the floor, passing out from the blood loss and pain

/\/\/\/\/\

He came to feeling weak and ill. He lay on the floor staring blankly at the bathroom ceiling for a moment then dragged himself into the shower, crying out when the hot water hit his body. He went in and out of consciousness for a bit then finally felt somewhat decent enough to push himself into a sitting position, watching the bloody water going down the drain. His wounds weren't healed-healed but they had healed enough to not be bleeding anymore. They were still nasty, though, and a couple of them started bleeding when he tried wiping them clean. He did his best to clean off the rest of his body then hauled himself out of the shadow, having to pull himself to his feet with the help of the toilet, so he could reach a towel. Once mostly dry he sat down to put bandages on. Even though he wasn't as risk for any infection (his lycanthropic genes would destroy any intruder) he used some of the wound cleaning salve Pomfrey told him about.

Remus left the bathroom, staring at the stairs. He needed to go upstairs to get his clothes. You can do it. He took in a deep breath then began going up. It wasn't quite as bad as he expected and he managed to get himself to the bedroom. The wardrobe was in an even worse state than the night before. He had to wrestle with the door a bit (one handed) to get it open, then pulled his loose clothing out. He felt overwhelmed with the thought of getting dressed then, gritting his teeth, got the t-shirt on over his head, slipped his right arm through, and sucked in some air as he got his left arm in as well which hurt so bad. His vision splintered around him. He sat down on the edge of the bed to take a break, panting a bit from the exertion. Then he got the sweatpants on, having to wriggle a lot to pull them up then it took him a lot of effort to get it somewhat tied.

He was absolutely starving but the thought of going back downstairs was too much. Maybe shouldn't have lied, he thought, carefully laying back on the bed, soaked in sweat. It would be tiring going back to the hospital wing but then he wouldn't have to take care of himself. That's what Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey were going on about, he realized miserably. He didn't want to think about that any more so he just pushed himself farther onto the bed and fell asleep.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus woke up screaming and thrashing, which sent massive amounts of pain crashing through his body. He rolled over, falling out of bed which made him see stars, and vomited, the nightmare replaying over and over. The Marauders breaking into his house, and him killing them, ripping them to pieces.

"Merlin... no..." he sobbed, cheek pressed against the bedroom floor inches from the puddle of sick, right hand clutching at his head as the images of James, Sirius, and Peter's dismembered bodies burned into his brain. He could still feel his teeth sinking into their flesh, taste their blood. He gave another sob and pushed himself up in time to vomit again. He rolled onto his back, whimpering with each breath. He felt sweaty and hot, his arm in utter pain once more. Slowly he forced himself to sit up and peel back the bandaged, fresh blood oozing down, soaking into the t-shirt. He took in a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet, staggering downstairs, silent tears rolling down his face. He stumbled into the bathroom to clean himself off once more and rebandage the arm.

Once he took a rest from doing that he went to try and find something he could easily, quickly do one handed. He wound up eating some hard boiled eggs, cold chicken, a chunk of cheese, and some bread. Just plopped it all onto a plate, plowing through the food, feeling too much like an animal for not even using silverware. He kept his left arm cradled close to his body.

After eating he returned to the bathroom to take care of business, and when he went to wash his hands he recoiled at his own reflection, how horrifyingly pale he was. He looked even more on death's door than he did when he argued with James. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, knowing once his blood started replenishing he'd look better.

After cleaning up the sick, Remus spent the rest of the day alternating sleeping and trying to get food in his system. At least he was so distracted from the pain and exhaustion that when he was awake he didn't have time to worry about his friends trying to break in again even though that was the main show whenever he slept, pulling him violently out of his sleep with screams and sobs. His arm was still in bad shape just before sunset, though, and when he woke up in the morning it felt like his entire body was covered in gashes. He had just gotten into the bathroom to tell Pomfrey he was all right when he remembered it was Monday now, and the moon was over; Pomfrey would be coming regardless. He was still in the shower when she came into the house.

"I—it's the worst it has been all we—weekend," he promised weakly when she pursed her lips at the sight of all his wounds. "Honest. I—I was going to write that I needed help, before remembering what day it was."

"I'm not sure if I believe you, Mr. Lupin, however I don't have much of a choice." She bandaged up all his wounds, helped him into some hospital pajamas, then guided him out—or started to. He pulled away, hobbling up the stairs to get all the things left in the wardrobe which was nearly in pieces.

"Um..." He felt embarrassed to mention it when he came back down, except he needed to. "Um, the—the wardrobe upstairs... where I keep my things... I—I don't know why... but the w—I... I have been attacking it all weekend. It's in dire need of repair. I don't think it would hold up another night."

Pomfrey nodded. "I'll inform Minerva. Have there been any other issues?"

He nearly said no then realized there were two other things he needed to mention. Well, one he needed to mention, one he wanted to mention. "I was wondering if maybe—maybe... if it's n-not too much trouble, if I could... be provided with the means to make those, um, shakes you made me last year? I can make them the—the night before then store them in the fridge, so the house-elves don't need to t-trouble themselves with—"

"Of course," she said with a smile. "Did you have any trouble eating?"

"A little," he confessed. "Yesterday morning my hand was hurt. Plus being so tired..."

Pomfrey nodded as he spoke. "I'll speak to the house-elves about supplying you with the shakes. Anything else? Was there anything else you were in need of? Any other problems?"

He thought of a dozen very minor things that could be added; more blankets, for instance, or the handles in the shower lowered so he could reach from easily from the floor. He didn't want to mention any of that though, they were just small things and he didn't want to appear to be greedy. They were already doing far too much for him, it wouldn't be right to ask for more. Instead he went, "I—I think someone was trying to get into the house on Saturday. I heard a lot of thumps right outside one of the living room windows." He had to inform them of this though would never in a million years admit he knew exactly who had been trying.

Pomfrey gave a sigh. "I see. I'll certainly inform Minerva of that as well."

They got to the hospital wing, Remus sliding into bed thinking how nice it was to be back here. It felt better. But he did want to remain at the house during the days of the moon. Pomfrey gave him a strawberry shake which he drank down quickly before drifting into sleep, curled up awkwardly with an arm around a pillow.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus slept through the entire morning, waking twice from the Marauders-breaking-in nightmares, then a third time to a large lunch from Pomfrey. Most the gashes were healing up pretty well, a few of them gave him trouble. There was a faint scratch on his cheek though he thought he could play it off as something not from an animal, at least hoped he could because he wanted to go to class. He still had History and Transfiguration. Pomfrey clucked her disapproval at him getting out of bed. Once she left he took out the uniform he had been wearing Friday, running his hand across the robes, debating whether they were clean enough. It's either this or going all the way to the dorms. He pulled a face and got dressed in the rumpled clothes. He was usually untidy as it was. They didn't smell bad or anything, a vague sort of wolfy scent which he doubted nobody else would pick up on.

Of course after lunch was a free period so he was able to put off leaving the hospital wing, put off facing James again. His stomach began hurting as he thought again of the look on James's face when he said 'drop dead'. He tugged at his cuffs, flinching a little when the sleeve tightened around the bandages on his arm. All too soon it was time to go. He put his satchel over his shoulder, heading off to History. The satchel felt heavier than it did Friday even though it carried the same things. Of course, his body was hurting this time round.

He reached History one minute before two. He steeled himself as best he could, put a shaking hand on the knob, then pushed the door open. The other Gryffindors glanced over, surprised looks passing over most their faces. Sirius, Peter, and Lily all looked happy to see him. James stared blankly then looked back down at the comic book on his desk.

Remus carefully sat down in his seat, in front of Sirius, next to Peter; James was located behind Peter, next to Sirius, and Remus could feel the animosity rolling off his body. Remus's heart sank. He had really hoped James would have calmed down some over the weekend, especially with the trip to Hogsmeade, but obviously not.

Binns began teaching. Remus took notes while chewing on his nails, wishing he had the nerve to send James a note. He glanced back a couple times towards the other boy, once when he thought he felt James's eyes on him however every time James was just reading the comic book.

A note did drop onto Remus's desk. Welcome back - SB

He smiled, wrote back a thanks, and sent it behind him. He expected something back then was a little disappointed when no more notes came. Was Sirius angry at him too? If he was angry, why did he sent the note in the first place? Remus forced himself not to ask why, not to look desperate. The class grew long as he sat in misery, trying not to cry. Have I lost them? Maybe over the weekend James decided he hated Remus entirely, and Sirius and Peter agreed with him. His writing became shakier and even more incomprehensible until finally—finally—class ended. Remus shut his book, swept everything into his satchel, then left the room.

"Remus!" Lily hurried over to him, grabbing his arm. He couldn't stop the cry of pain and Lily let go, eyes going wide. "I'm sorry!" She stared at him, visibly worried.

"I'm f—fine," he got out. "You just startled me."

She looked like she didn't believe him. "O...kay... Um, is your mother doing better?"

"Yes, thank you." He looked past her, at the other Marauders coming out. Sirius was stretching, saying something that made Peter laugh. Remus averted his gaze.

"You've got a scratch on your face..."

He touched his cheek. "Yeah, um, my—my mum's cat. Hi," he said as Sirius and Peter came over, trying not to sound hopeful or even surprised they were approaching him. They asked after his mother, nodding when he said she was fine. James was hovering a few feet away, arms folded. There was an awkward stretch of silence. Lily kept looking at Remus then the other Marauders.

Finally Sirius slung an arm around Remus's shoulders (this time he managed not to yelp) and said, "I'll walk with Remus to Transfiguration." Peter nodded, told Remus he was glad he was back, then returned to James's side. The two of them walked off together.

"Okay, what was that about?" Lily asked as the three of them headed to class. Sirius dropped his arm away from Remus which he rather wished Sirius hadn't done; the weight, the warmth had felt nice. Plus just the fact he was making physical contact also felt nice.

Sirius glanced at Remus who sighed heavily. "James is... mad at me. For good reason," he added quickly as she opened her mouth. "I need to talk to him. Is he... is he really angry?" he asked Sirius.

"I think he's upset more than angry," Sirius drawled out. "Pete was right about why he acted the way he did, by the way."

Remus closed his eyes, wishing he could go back in time and change how things went. He should have just let them fuss, should have just agreed to go to the hospital wing. He fretted all the way to Transfiguration, loads of questions for Sirius rising to his tongue which he held back. In the end, he didn't say anything else before they went in to their next class. He was barely able to do the work McGonagall set out then was torn between annoyance and relief when she asked him to stay behind. That meant he didn't have to be rebuked by James, however it also meant putting off trying to talk to him. He watched his friends leave then moved to a seat closer to her desk when she motioned for him to do so.

"I was curious as to how your weekend went," she said, folding her hands on the desk.

Remus set his satchel in his lap, fiddling with one of the clasps. "Um, f-fine, really. I slept most the days."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Any troubles?"

Oh, right. "Yes... someone tried to get into th—the house on Saturday. There were loud thumps against one of the living room w-windows. I heard vo—voices but didn't hear what they were saying."

She frowned quite deeply at that. "Poppy did inform me of this. It is a little worrying, and I will speak to Albus of course. She also mentioned that the wardrobe in the master bedroom is falling apart?"

Remus felt his cheeks heating up. "N-not so much falling apart as it is being t—torn apart." He looked at his hands fumbling with the clasp then suddenly felt an urge to cry. He bent forward so his hair fell across his face, hating himself more and more. Animal, nothing but an animal. His fingers curled slightly.

"Mr. Lupin." He looked back up, hoping the distress didn't show in his eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," he lied. "Embarrassed, a bit."

"No need to be, it isn't as if you're doing it yourself," she said. Remus frowned, wanting to argue with her because it was him doing it. The other part of him. But she began talking again, not allowing him time to try and explain. "I'll go in sometime soon and fix up the wardrobe as best I can. Is there anything else? You seemed quite distracted in class."

He looked down once more. "Only tired, Professor."

"You don't need to come to classes on days like this..."

"I—I know. But I like to, when I can."

There was a bit of silence then McGonagall rose to her feet. "You may go." He quickly got to his feet then hesitated when she said, "If there's anything else going on, Mr. Lupin, feel free to talk to me."

He swallowed heavily. "Thank you, Professor," he said. "I'll be—be fine." He left, breathing out a slight sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him.

Peter was sitting across the hall. "Hey!" He got up, smiling. "Sirius went off with James. Um, I hope it's okay I waited..."

Remus shouldered his bag. "I'm glad you did," he replied honestly, not wanting to confess he had assumed none of them would be waiting.

"So, your mum's doing okay?" Peter fell into step with him, the two of them walking even though Remus wasn't sure where to go. "I was kinda worried that maybe that—um, you know, the cure thing you said you guys took? That since it didn't work it might have made things worser."

Remus bit back the correction of there being no such word. "Thankfully not," he replied. "She wasn't great however she's had it worse before."

"Missed you this weekend."

"I... missed you too..." He gave Peter a smile then Peter bumped gently against him. Remus managed not to wince in pain. "Did you do anything fun?"

"Ooooh! We went into Hogsmeade!"

"Again? So soon?"

Pete shrugged. "James wanted to."

"What did you do?" Remus hoped he sounded casual enough.

"Not much, really. We went to the Three Broomsticks cause they both wanted to get butterbeer, then we went to the, um, ingredients place cause they've got an idea for a potion to make. We also went to the haunted house cause they wanted to try to break in."

"Ooh, did you manage?"

Peter's eyes got enormous. "No, but a ghost attacked Sirius."

"What?" Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh as well.

"He was up against the wall when—well, I'm not sure what exactly happened. He says he was attacked. You can ask him later. We ran off after that, cause Sirius said the ghosts were angry with us."

It was so hard not to give in to the laughter. He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood, managing to fight off the amusement. Later on, Sirius told him the story of how they were trying to get in when the window shattered right in his face and a weird ghost howled at them to go away; Remus had to pretend to be suitably impressed while inwardly laughing at how dramatic his friend was. "I'm glad he's okay," he finally managed to say. Pete nodded in agreement. "So, erm... about... James..."

Peter shrugged. "I dunno, he didn't want to talk about it at all. Whenever Sirius or I mentioned you he just sorta... scowled." He wrung his hands. "He did talk about his grandfather a few times though..." Remus closed his eyes, guilt hurting him once more. "Then at one point said why were we worried about you when it was clear you didn't want us to care?"

Remus frowned, looking down at his shoes. "I... it isn't... I—I don't... mind you caring, I just... it's..."

Peter reached out, resting a hand on his arm. "Hey. It's all right. I know you just want your privacy. And, um, that's okay. With me. I-I'm sorry if I bothered you or anything. It's hard not to worry, but I'll try not to pressure you about it."

Remus looked back up into his warm brown eyes. He wanted so bad to hug Peter, but also didn't dare, so instead he punched Pete's arm very lightly, thanking him. Pete grinned back, punching his arm back just as lightly although it still hurt a bit.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus and Peter hung out in a courtyard until supper then went into the Great Hall. Peter immediately went over to James and Sirius. Remus very reluctantly followed. Sirius smiled at Remus while James just hunched over his food, jabbing at it with a fork. Remus sat down across from the two and began putting food on his plate. Sirius and Peter started chattering, filling the awkward silence. Occasionally Remus would look at James, and once in a while he felt James's eyes on him.

Finally he couldn't stand it any longer.

"J... James?" he asked very timidly. Sirius fell silent. James just ate, acting as if he hadn't heard him. "James?" he tried again with the same response. "Um. I—I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Could you pass the mustard?" James asked Sirius pleasantly. Sirius raised his eyebrow then pushed the dish over. "Thank you."

Remus bit his lip. "James, I'm sorry—"

"So, I think our first game is going to be against Ravenclaw," James said, slathering mustard onto a sandwich. "We won't get the official matches until next month, of course."

Sirius and Peter looked at each other while Remus curled his hands into fists, fighting the itching in his nose, fighting off the tears. "James!"

James slammed his knife down, rattling the dishes, causing Remus to flinch. "What!?"

"I—" His voice broke a little and he had to take in a deep breath before he could continue. It didn't help that those sitting nearby had heard this and were now watching with curiosity. "I'm sorry."

James blinked then picked the knife up, cutting his sandwich in half. "Why? What for?"

"Wh—what? I—"

"I mean, to be sorry means you care, and obviously friends don't care about friends, do they?"

"James—"

"So you've got nothing to be sorry for, right?" He jammed the knife down again, this time blade first so it stuck into the table. "I don't even understand why you're pretending."

Remus slumped back a little, feeling as though James had just taken the knife to his chest. There were whispers from the nearby students while Sirius had gone paler than normal and Peter was chewing at his lip so roughly that he began bleeding. Everyone seemed to be waiting for Remus to react, including James.

Remus swung his legs out from the bench, grabbed his satchel, and left the Great Hall. He began running as soon as he was out of sight of the doors, managing to hold back the tears until he got outside.

He went down to the lake, finding a private spot in which to cry. There was an outcropping of rocks behind him so he was well hidden. Or so he assumed. After only a couple minutes of hugging his knees and staring despondently out over the water he heard a noise somewhere behind/above him then suddenly Sirius's face appeared upside down right in front of his.

"Heyo!" Sirius said cheerfully as Remus yelped and jumped back, smacking against the rock. He glanced up to see that Sirius was clinging to the rocks, hanging down over him. It was probably the least elegant Remus had ever seen him yet he still looked terrific even with his hair hanging down and his face going red. Then he wriggled, did a flip, and crashed into the sand in front of Remus with a pained yelp.

"Are... you a—all right?"

"Yeah, I guess." Sirius rubbed his backside then scooted back against the rocks next to Remus, going right into the heart of things. "He shouldn't have said that."

Remus hugged his knees tighter, wiping his eyes off on his sleeves. "I really hurt him."

"And he really hurt you." Sirius hesitated then slowly put his arm around Remus's shoulder, obviously trying to comfort him. "He's an idiot."

"I shouldn't have said what I did." He resisted the urge to move closer to Sirius. "He hates me now."

"Pffft." With his other hand Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "This whole thing started cause he was worried about you. I doubt he hates you. I mean, I guess that's not something I can say for sure..." Remus stretched his legs out, digging the toes of his shoes into the sand. "Remy, we were doing something that upset you, it's fine to... to tell us off when we do that."

"Apparently not," he sniffled. He remembered one of his fights with Lily, when Fawley had said there'd be times he fought with all his friends. He never really... argued much with the Marauders before. It felt so different than fighting with Lily. It still had that same soul-squeezing misery however there was another layer that caused even more pain.

"Again, he is being an idiot."

"Isn't he your best friend?"

Sirius shrugged. "Your point? He's my best friend and he's being a total idiot. Those two things aren't... umm... ummmm..."

"Mutually exclusive?" Remus offered, figuring it was the most fitting phrase to what Sirius was trying to say.

"Maybe." Sirius squinted. "What's that mean?"

Remus couldn't help but smile. "Two things that can't coincide with one another. So if they are not mutually exclusive, they can occur together." He pushed down into the sand some more till it covered half his shoes. "Hopefully he'll forgive me..."

Sirius straightened up, frowning. "Don't let him get away with not apologizing to you."

"Huh?"

Sirius pulled his arm away from Remus so he could fully face him, grabbing his shoulders. "He's been a dick to you. When you guys make up, he needs to apologize to you too, not just you apologizing to him, all right?"

Remus stared up into Sirius's eyes. "It—it's not—it's not—not that—"

"If you say it's not important I'll thump you."

Remus pulled away from him, drawing his knees back up. "Well, it isn't."

"My left foot it isn't," Sirius growled. But even though he folded his arms, he sat back. Then he elbowed Remus until he looked over. Sirius made a face. Then put his fingers in the corners of his mouth, making an even weirder face. He stuck his tongue out, rolled his eyes back, and made a eeeaaaaaaa sound. Remus began giggling a bit. Sirius continued making outrageous faces until the giggling turned into laughter. Then he sat back again, grinning victoriously. He reached over, tousling Remus's hair. "It'll be okay," he promised.

Remus silently hoped he was right.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

Sirius met his gaze, brow furrowed just slightly. "If there's anything... going on with you... I won't push anymore about what you have, but... you can trust me. With anything."

Remus slowly nodded, sweating slightly. "I know," he whispered, curling his fingers against his trousers. "Thank you."

Sirius waited for a few seconds and when it was apparent Remus wasn't going to say anything else he looked back out over the lake, resting his head back against the rock.