Just a quick author's note at the beginning of this chapter so I can stop in and say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the love and support that everyone has been giving to this story. I am truly blown away by all of your kind words and I'm so happy that you're all enjoying it so much. We're not quite finished yet though! This story has 30 chapters, so make sure you stick around to see how it all ends!
In theory, everything should be smooth sailing for Beck and Jade for the foreseeable future. They're together again in a new place where they can both start fresh, they both have jobs that they enjoy, and most importantly, they still have each other. In a perfect world, everything would be just that...perfect.
Reality is different though, and things don't go as smoothly as they had hoped. When they were in high school, they were together all day every day in class. In college, their schedules differed, but they were living together and got to come home to one another at the end of the day. Once Jade was found and came back into his life, she really didn't have much of a schedule and Beck would just visit her whenever he was free. Now, they each have their own jobs and their own schedules, they're living apart, and Jade obviously has to prioritize Aiden. Being together is much harder than they expected it to be, but they're both still so willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.
Jade is more irritable now as well. Nightmares still torture her every time that she closes her eyes, and she's still not sleeping as much as she should be. And now instead of only having to only worry about being home to take care of her son during the day, she's working forty hours a week and then coming home to take care of Aiden. Beck noticed right away that she was struggling and while he wants to respect her wishes to only tell him what she's comfortable with, he wants to be able to help her as well.
"He's asleep." Jade announces to her grandparents as she enters the living room, purse and car keys in hand "He should stay that way. Unless there's a thunderstorm or something, but there's not supposed to be."
"We did raise two children ourselves, you know." Steve chuckles "And we helped out plenty when you and your brother and your cousins were little. Even if he does wake up, I think we'll be able to handle it."
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Jade laughs "It's just.."
"It's the mama bear in her." Judy winks at her granddaughter "I understand it completely. Where are you off to tonight?"
"I'm just going over to Beck's for a little while." Jade tells them "We're going to watch a movie."
"Have fun." Judy smiles "Don't make too much noise when you get back."
"I won't." Jade smirks as she turns to leave the room "Goodnight you guys."
"Goodnight, sweetheart."
Her grandparent's house is a few blocks off of the beach, but Jade can still hear the ocean as she walks towards her car. The calmness of it all, the sounds of the waves and the cool breeze against her face, makes her feel so relaxed. For the longest time she could never picture herself living anywhere but Los Angeles, but now she can't imagine being anywhere else.
Behind her, there's a rustling in the bushes and Jade's entire body tenses up. Paranoid, she looks around, preparing to run back into the house if necessary. A seagull pops its head out from behind one of the shrubs, making brief eye contact with Jade before hopping a few paces forward, spreading its wings, and flying off in the direction of the water. With a sigh of relief, she lets out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding, and quickly walks to her car.
Every fiber of her being tells her that she shouldn't be scared, that she shouldn't be so paranoid. Ron is dead, and she's moved far away from anything tied to him...to a community where the crime rate is 79% below the national average. She doesn't need to worry anymore, she has no reason to. But no matter how hard she tries she can't seem to shake the feeling that someone or something is always lurking right behind her, ready to strike.
Beck only lives about a mile from her grandparents, but with the way that the roads are set up and the way the neighborhood curves along the beach, it's about a ten minute drive. Jade doesn't truly realize how nervous she still was about the incident with the bird until she moves her hands off of the steering wheel to turn off her car's ignition, and winces with pain as she loosens her apparent iron grip. Shaking her hands loose a few times to help the cramping, she climbs out of the car and walks up Beck's small driveway to his garage. She enters the code to open the door, and steps inside once there's enough clearance for her to do so. After closing the garage door and letting herself in through the standard doorway in the back of the garage, she makes her way up a small staircase and through another door, then finally finds herself in her boyfriend's kitchen.
"Hey." Beck smiles, moving towards her to immediately greet her with a kiss "How was your day?"
"Long." She sighs as she kicks off her flip flops "Yours?"
"Also long." Beck chuckles, wrapping his arms around her waist "But it's over now."
"That's true." Jade nods "And thank god."
School doesn't officially start for another week still, but Beck has been attending different faculty meetings and beginning to set up his classroom. He wants to tell Jade about the old film reels he had found stashed in a closet, leftover from the teacher before him most likely, but he can tell there's something off about her mood. That something is more than just being exhausted, or frazzled after having difficulty convincing Aiden it was time for bed.
"Are you alright?" He asks her "You seem off."
"Just tired." She assures him, moving out of the kitchen towards the small living room "What movie is playing at Théâtre d'Oliver tonight?"
"I mean, I rented Citizen Kane..." He tells her as he follows her "But..."
"But what?"
"Jade something is bothering you." He sighs "Don't try to convince me that there's nothing wrong. I've known you since we were fourteen years old, I can tell when something is off."
"It's nothing, Beck."
"Clearly it's not!" He exclaims "Jade, if this is going to work you have to be able to talk to me. I want to help you, but I need you to let me in."
He's right, Jade knows that he's right. It's such a simple thing, the idea that she should be able to share what's on her mind with her boyfriend. The man who, one might argue, knows her better than anyone else. Even the simplest of ideas can be scary though, especially when there's anxiety over the possible outcome.
"I can't do that."
"Why the fuck not?"
"Because..." She says, her voice shaking "I'm afraid if I tell you about all of it...that you'll leave. That it'll scare you away...and you won't love me anymore."
"Jade-"
"I can't lose you again...and I can't live with knowing that you uprooted your entire life for me only to change your mind about me. I won't be able to handle the pain or the guilt of either."
"I think I've proven to you that there's nothing that will scare me away at this point..." Beck says calmly, stepping forward and taking her hand gently "If I had any doubts at all, I wouldn't have done this. I would't have followed you. But I did, okay? I did it for us, because I love you. I want to understand what you're going through, I want to be able to help you. Nothing is going to change that."
She hasn't kept everything from him, and he knows that. She has mentioned the nightmares a few times before. He always had a hunch about those, but it was good that she was at least able to confirm his suspicions. He's known all along that there are certain levels of intimacy that still make her uncomfortable, and he knows now that she doesn't like to walk places by herself at night regardless of if they're brightly lit or not. But that can't be all that's plaguing her mind, and although he doesn't need to know everything...he wants to know at least a little more so he can hopefully help her in whatever ways he can.
Gently, still holding onto her hand, Beck leads Jade over to the couch and helps her sit down. Even as he tries to move his hand away, she grips it tightly. She almost looks scared and as she looks up at him, he can see the pain in her eyes.
"I want to help you." He tells her again "But I need to know what's going through your head first."
"I don't even know where to start..."
"What's bothering you right now?" Beck asks her "Why were you so...off...when you came in?"
"That really was nothing, honestly." Jade admits "When I was coming out of my grandparent's house, I heard rustling in the bushes behind me. It was just a stupid bird, but the idea that there might've been something or someone behind me really got inside my head. I had an iron-fist grip on the steering wheel the entire way over here, I'm just fucking paranoid I guess. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid." Beck assures her "It makes perfect sense."
"It happens all the time." Jade tells him "At the house, coming in and out of work...thank god I have a car and I don't have to take public transit, then it would probably be worse."
"It's going to get easier with time, Jade." Beck assures her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him "I know everyone probably keeps telling you that, but it's true. You're also not used to being by yourself. Even when you came home from the hospital, there was always someone home with you. Give it time, and you'll adjust to that too."
"The paranoia doesn't just come when I'm by myself, Beck..." Jade sighs "It's...everyday...at the most random times. You and I will be out somewhere together, and a guy will smile at me...even if it's only a friendly smile, not even a flirty one...and suddenly I'm paranoid that he's planning something. That he wants to hurt me the way that Ron did. It's so horrible..."
This time Beck doesn't know what to say to make her feel better. This instinct is to tell her that it doesn't matter if other men are looking at her or smiling at her, because she's with him and he would never do anything to hurt her. But that isn't what's bothering her. What's bothering her is the fact that Ron had been a stranger, and that what had started off as a simple, seemingly soon forgettable otherwise, exchange between the two of them had ended up severely impacting Jade's life. Beck doesn't know what he can say to make that better, so he hugs her as tight as he can without making her uncomfortable.
"You know I would never let anything bad happen to you when we're out together, don't you?" He says quietly "We both know how jealous I get when other guys so much as even look at you, let alone try to come near you..."
"I know..." Jade smiles a bit "That's one of the many things I love about you...but even though I know that, the fear is still there. And I guess...like you said...I'll just have to give it time."
She turns and leans her head against his chest, snuggling up to him a bit closer. The familiar scents of his soap, laundry detergent, and cologne all swirl together and create a sense of comfort for her. Here, wrapped up in his arms, she is completely safe. No one can touch her. Jade slowly feels the muscles in her shoulders soften a bit, finally able to relax after getting so worked up.
"I don't ever want you to feel alone in all of this." Beck tells her "I want you to be able to tell me when you're feeling anxious, or upset, or scared. Nothing you could say to me could ever scare me away. I love you, and I choose you every time."
"I love you too..."
"Seriously, Jade. Any time you start feeling off about anything...tell me." Beck brushes a piece of hair out of her face "I might not always know what to say to make everything magically better...but I'll always be here to support you."
"Okay..." Jade says, a tear slipping down her cheek "Thank you..."
"Are you alright?"
"No..." She sighs "Beck...I don't think I've gotten a decent night's sleep since we were in college."
"You're still having nightmares?"
"Every night." She nods, closing her eyes "No matter what I try, they still come. And it's not just the normal kind of anxiety dreams where I'm falling forever and never stop, or that I'm trying to drive an out of control car...they're horrible, vivid, realistic nightmares. Ron with burnt skin and a melted face crawling out of a fire to drag me back in with him...running down hallways that never end trying to find Aiden while he's screaming for help, or Ron trying to hurt him...I-The thought of losing him...it's scarier than anything Ron ever did to me."
She can't continue, it's too much for her. Again, Beck isn't really sure what to say. He's not a doctor, or a sleep specialist. So he holds her again, rubbing her back while she cries.
"I'm sorry." Jade apologizes again
"Don't be."
"I just don't know what to do anymore."
"Well, what do you tell Aiden when he has a nightmare?" Beck asks her "How do you make him feel better?"
"I-I..." Jade stammers as she tries to collect herself "I remind him that they're not real, and I lay with him until he calms down."
"Right, and that works, doesn't it?"
"Most of the time."
"I know they're horrible, Jade. And I know that they can be hard to shake from your memory...but you have to keep reminding yourself that it's not real. The more you tell yourself that, the more aware of it you'll be in your subconscious, and maybe things won't be so bad..."
"Beck, I-"
"I know." He nods "Easier said than done. I wish there was something else I could do to make things better."
"Can we just watch the movie?" She asks him "I...I need the distraction."
"Of course." He nods, pressing a kiss to her temple before standing up from the couch "I'll go make some popcorn."