I Wanted So Badly to Be Brave
JoeySharkbait
2020
[Soundtrack: "I Wanted So Badly to Be Brave" by The Wonder Years]
The sky was a dark blue, a few clouds floating amidst the few stars that were out. A halo was blooming from the center of the moon and the air was thinning as the humidity dissipated. With each step I took away from the disaster behind us, the broken bones in my ankle ground together like broken glass. The rain had washed away some of the thickness in the air and the miasma traces left behind but it would never wash away the tragedies burned forever into my soul. I looked down at the unconscious girl in my arms and bit back angry tears, deciding if my gaze lingered too long that I may fail us both again.
I knew where we were now. Had we really not gone that far? I smiled ironically at the sight before me—the waterfall that hid a cave which had been my refuge the duration of my short life. The shallow pond at its end eventually fed into smaller waterfalls forming the stream that I used to walk through to get away. This was the place I went to try to escape, to try to take the pain away. I brought her here for the same reasons. A bittersweet memory crept into my mind of our first kiss here. I planned on getting us further away than here but this would have to do. She was still severely injured from the previous night and I had taken the brunt of the fall when the castle began to dissipate.
'Dissipate' was an understatement. The place didn't just disintegrate this time, it fucking collapsed before it began to scatter like ashes in the wind. We were only one or maybe two stories up but it was enough to break my goddamn bones when we hit the ground. I hadn't expected that at all. Luckily, I had been able to grab her and position us so that when the structure began to collapse, I was what broke her fall. I would make do. I would heal. She would not have.
I managed to carry her up the set of natural stairs that were sculpted from the rocks leading up to the waterfall and I slipped behind it. I walked to the backmost part of the small cave and set her down gently against its wall before standing and letting our makeshift travel bag fall noisily off my shoulders to the ground. She stirred a little at the clatter but did not wake. I let myself fall to my knees finally, the searing pain of my broken ankle finally made its way up most of my leg and was now biting at my hip. I would be fine by morning, though. Always was. I crawled to the wall and sat against it and glanced down at her. My eyes scanned her sleeping form, noting the bandages on her arms and the wrap on her right hand. I brought my own hand before my face and gazed at the latest scar gracing my palm.
"Where did you get that?" I looked curiously at the knife she had pulled out of her sleeve. Alarming, given recent developments.
"I got it last night when I brought us dinner." Made sense. Must have stolen it from the kitchens.
"And what do you plan on doing with that?"
"I'm going to get us out of here."
"With that?"
She looked to me, an unreadable expression on her face but a small glint of something in her eyes.
"It used to be a custom among my people that before a major battle—one where the odds of winning were astronomically low—we would take blood oaths with our brothers and sisters in arms." She closed her eyes, cut open her palm and held it out to me. I winced myself and looked away, eyes closing for a moment.
"You're my friend. You've helped me in so many ways when it very well could have cost you your own life at times." She stared into my soul, the usual fear in her eyes replaced by a bold determination. That fire I had been drawn to. That many have been drawn to. "I'm not leaving this place without you at my side."
Those words hit me so deep and struck a note in my heart that I didn't know existed. I bit down and took the knife from her. I rolled up the sleeve on my right arm and held out my palm. The knife cut deep through the sensitive skin and I dropped it. I grabbed her outreached hand and squeezed it tight. You weren't born my sister but you'd die that way.
"We will get out of here. We are going to win. And then this will all be over and we'll be better off for it."
I wanted to stop it all, I swear I did. I watched you put on a brave face; I wanted so badly to be brave.