Allison led us to the kitchen and we all sat down.
"Do you want something to drink?" she said.
"I'm fine," I said. "Sam?"
"No mom. I'm good."
"So a therapist," said Allison, taking a breath. "Did he get a DUI I don't know about?"
"Sam?" I asked.
"What? No!"
Allison patted his hand.
I cleared my throat. "What do you know about the group of boys Sam looks after every day at Emily's place?"
Allison sighed. "Basically nothing. Something separates them from other Quilite boys. They go through a horrible initiation process that scares half to death, which is none of Sam's doing, it's like fate or something. They are bound to the land, meaning they can't leave La Push ever. They are extremely emotional but when they find love they seem to calm down a little bit. And they can't ever talk about it to anyone, except the council. And for some god damn reason Sam went first and he got the worst of it."
"Wow, that is 'basically nothing'?" I asked. "I wish Embry's parents were as smart as you. They think he's a drunk kid raising hell."
"Oh no," she said. "My Sam is not like that."
"How did you figure all that out?" asked Sam.
"Well, basically about when you broke up with Leah and dated Emily, everyone was mad but Harry, Billy, and Old Quil, and that is when I figured they were in on the secret. So I boycotted them from the store, until they told me what was going on."
"Mom!"
"Old Quill caved first."
"Wait so you know what I do at night?"
"No, I would love to," she said.
"I don't think that is a good idea," said Sam.
"It's nothing illegal, and if they do it right, it's not dangerous," I said.
"What do you mean 'if'?" she asked.
"Mom, I'm fine," said Sam.
"Well, no your not Sam," I said. "That's why we're here."
Sam sighed, and looked at me, "Do I have to do this?".
"No. Legally, I can't force you," I said. "But I can complicate your life."
"Complicate?"
"Staying with Sue indefinitely. Extra sessions. Daily check ins. One on one support. I can get creative."
"What is one on one support?"
"I get one of the Cullens, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, I'll let you pick, we can switch off, to stay by your side so if you do something crazy, they can stop you."
His eyes grew wide.
"Course if we do that you will need to stay at the Cullens. Alone. Not with the pack. Cause that will get messy."
"Mom there's something I got to tell you," said Sam loudly.
"What is it, honey?" she asked.
"The stuff that bounds me to the land," he said.
"Yeah."
"Well, it's really rough. It messes with my mood. Sometimes I am happy, but sometimes I am so angry I fight somebody."
"Sam, that doesn't sound like you."
"Sometimes," whispered Sam, "I'm so sad I want to die."
"What?" asked Allison.
"I just cry for no reason. And I think about cutting myself."
"Sam!"
"Do I have to tell her about cliff jumping?"
"No," I said, "but I want you too."
"What cliff jumping?" asked Allison, who was crying now.
"You know how Billy made the rule that we have to jump from the low platform so we don't hurt ourselves?" asked Sam.
"Yes."
"I started jumping from higher up because I thought it would kill me, but it didn't."
Alison cried, and put her hand over her mouth to choke back a sob. "You actually tried to die?" she asked.
Sam nodded.
"When?"
"Couple times," he said. "When I ran away last summer, and then when Emily was attacked by a bear."
"Why would you try to hurt yourself when Emily was attacked by a bear?"
"Cause I was the bear."
"What?"
"I'm a werewolf, mom. I get it from Dad's dad. I turn into a big wolf when I get upset."
"What?"
"It's easier to show you. Come on."
Sam grabbed her hand, and led her through the back into the woods, I followed.
"Stay on the porch," Sam ordered, and then he went down the steps and ducked into the woods. A howl came up through the air and Sam reemerged in his wolf state.
Allison descended the steps slowly, and approached her son. Sam dropped down to the forest floor, but he was still about four feet tall. Allison put her hand out and gently rubbed Sam's head, and he stretched up into her embrace.
"Sam," she quietly sobbed.
Sam quickly retreated and went back into the woods.
"Where is he going?" she asked.
"He has to change back, and you need privacy for that," I said. "Come back inside. He will be in soon."
She came back inside, and sat on the couch. I put a shawl around her and hugged her. "It's a lot to take in. How are you?"
"He's hurting, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is."
"Does he really want to die?"
"Yes he does. But you're not gonna lose him. Sam has a lot on him. He internalizes everything and doesnt know how to deal with things that hurt him. He is happier now, but I am worried that if he doesn't learn to cope with pain soon, he might be in bad shape. That is why we came today. I want him to come to you when he feels lost and alone. Well, I want him to go to anyone, but he's not. I think he might talk to you more than Billy or Emily. You just understand the pain he went through. Maybe you can lead him out of it."
"I don't know about that," said Sam. We turned around and saw him standing in the doorway.
"Sam," said Allison getting up, and slowly walked towards Sam. "I can get over your father. Really I have. If he wants to be off somewhere else with another woman, or drugs, or whatever he got into, I'm fine. I'm actually happy he's gone because he didn't bring whatever he had around you. First of all that store has always fed you and got clothes for you, and if for some reason it didn't Billy, Old Quil, Harry Clearwater, god rest his soul, and Charlie Swan would move heaven and earth to get what we need. So I can get over your father. But what would kill me, what I would never get over, is losing you. Do you understand me?"
Sam sniffed, but he nodded. Alison took another step, and wrapped her arms around him. Sam returned the hug and then just let himself cry. I wondered when was the last time he let himself cry.
I stepped outside to let them have a minute and called Billy.
"Hello?"
"I took Sam to his mom, and we told her about the werewolves and his suicide attempts. I know that is against the rules but he needed to have her to talk to and lean on."
"How did she take it?"
"She's handled it pretty well. She is really worried about him."
"Yeah that's a mom for you."
"Sam keeps telling himself he is worthless because his dad left, he needs to hear from his mom that is not true."
"I don't know what to do about him and Paul," said Billy. "I want to hug them and tell them their father is a piece of shit, but they phase every time you mention them."
"In the 1980's Carlisle freed me from the Volturi. I had been in a vampire stage for about half a century. I had been raped, beaten, tortured, and that was just by Caius. I had no clue who my dad was, and I was angry at the entire world. Carlisle just took me under his wing for a decade and just hung out with me, talked to me, loved on me, even when I pushed him away. He didn't mention my dad or Caius, or Aro. He was just there."
"And that helped?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"So just show up and love on them."
"They'll respond to it. Not overnight. But they will respond to it. I did."
"Okay."
I hung up and went back inside. Allison was doing the dishes, and Sam was clearing the table.
"Sam where do you want to stay tonight?" I asked.
"Can I stay at my place?"
"I want you looked after, for a little while."
He sighed.
"Where did he stay last night?" asked Allison.
"With Sue," I said. "She's a nurse and a council member. It made sense."
"Can he stay with me?"
"If he behaves," I said.
"Yes," moaned Sam.
"No vampires tonight. Let Jacob and Paul handle it, okay?"
"Why?"
"Cause you don't want to live. And I said so."
"Fine."
"Do they hunt vampires every night?" asked Allison.
"Yeah."
"Not every night," said Sam.
"How do you not get hurt?" she asked.
"We're built for it mom. One good thing about this damn situation."
Allison let out a shaky breath.
"Sorry," he said.
"No," she said. "It's a damn situation."