part three: and when you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you.

or

Saya is a monster. Yui tries to look into her.

The letter from Karlheinz – and it was odd, after hearing his voice over the phone or in person so often, that he was writing – held a detailed apology to Saya, stating that blood could not be sent for her consumption as it had been when she was staying with the Sakamaki.

'It is not a matter of location', Karlheinz wrote. 'Just a matter of lacking supplies.'

Saya felt a headache at his referring to the sources of the blood she'd been drinking as 'supplies', and once again that odd mixed feeling overtook her, as it always did when he reminded her of Fumito.

'I have faith in Ruki and the others to sate your thirst until supplies are secured,' he continued. 'Though your humble servant would dare request that you be gentle, should you drink from them. They gave me hope in a time when so much seemed bleak.'

She mulled over this part. A kindness he had not requested for his own sons.

But hadn't he treated the Mukami differently from the start? Asking her to teach them how to fight and survive against the giants. Telling them in advance to treat her with respect.

And the Mukami were different from the Sakamaki. They were more family to Saya's eyes than the actually blood-related brothers were, to the point where she envied them for it.

Ruki waited silently until she put the letter down and retrieved it. After folding it back carefully, as if he was afraid to add any new creases to the rich paper, he spoke. "Will human blood not suffice?"

Saya wondered if he knew that she could see his dislike of her – that he could act as the perfect servant, but the light in his eyes could not lie.

"No." It could not. "I don't drink human blood."

He smiled thinly. "I will take note of this dietary restriction."

She nearly laughed at that, and while she didn't make a sound, her lips twitched. Dietary restriction. What a simple way of putting the root cause of a tragic problem-

Saya cut off that thought. She couldn't go down that path.

As for the alternative that Karlheinz suggested, Saya had an answer to give Ruki on that.

"I can wait until the regular blood returns, and not drink from you or your brothers in the meantime."

That was probably what he was most worried about. If it had been Karlheinz about to drink from them, she doubted they would have any problems, but if it was her –

They would obey their master's orders, but they would not enjoy it. And Saya would not enjoy it either, hurting this family any more than she needed to.

"We don't know how long it will take," Ruki said, seemingly intent on being the Devil's advocate. "It could take months."

What a loyal servant, trying to carry out his master's orders despite his resenting her. Even if his worries were unneeded.

"I can wait."

Saya's life had been long periods of fasting with intermittent feasting. Drinking the blood of Elder Bairns when she slew them, and then staying with humans that would always inevitably betray or leave her, trying to blend in.

When she was set on vengeance, she hadn't eaten for months. She could do it again.

To the surprise of their class, Shu showed up to homeroom.

Only two people weren't shocked by the usually absent blonde's appearance. Reiji, who looked more annoyed than anything, and Saya, who had been watching the Sakamaki's limousine drive in. Distance didn't matter, and Yui had appeared a little pale.

Then, Saya thought with resignation that was undue and undeserved. This was it. She should now stay away from Yui, now that the girl would know just how terrible a being Saya was.

Predictably, Shu had business with her.

"Why were you with Edgar?" His eyes did not change like hers did, from dark grey to red with strong emotions, but there was a fire burning in them. This was important to Shu. Just like how tracking Fumito had been important to Saya, back then.

Reiji, Saya noticed out of the corner of her eyes, recognized the name.

Yuma didn't know who this Edgar was, but Saya did learn something about Yuma – that he only remembered the latter part of being human and didn't know his birth name or his earlier years.

Memories lost, desperation and emotions. A human that was changed.

Maybe the reason why Saya had initially wanted to ask Yui if she was sure about her choice was because he was quite like her. How could she approve of Yui choosing Shu, when he was similar to her?

Saya did not like herself. It would be hard for her to like Shu, then.

"I don't know who Edgar is," Saya said blandly. Shu bristled but she ignored him, and the curiosity Reiji was displaying. "As for the one I was with yesterday, his name is Yuma."

As Yuma himself had made clear to her.

Class started before Shu could press her further.

"Go take a seat," she said, as the teacher came in. He glowered, but when she took a seat and didn't give him a second glance, he had no other option.

Since her lunch period was going to be free, Saya considered using some of that time to let Shu what little she did know. Personally, she wasn't eager on the idea of trying to force Yuma to remember if he was Edgar or not. If he was happy as he was now, then was it worth it, trying to burst that bubble? Even if it was false?

When, with the breaking of that world as Mukami Yuma, it might hurt not just Yuma but his brothers? Would Yuma be able to stand the truth that was revealed?

If it was a bond meant to break from being built on a lie, then that was its fate, but Saya personally didn't want to be the one involved in the revelation and the aftermath. She knew all too well that pain, of losing an entire life, a world.

A family. Even if it was built on lies.

Her ringtone – set at a pitch too high for adult humans to hear – rang with the arrival of a text message.

Reiji frowned in disapproval at that, and Saya mirrored his expression, though hers was for a different reason. Saya didn't have many contacts on her phone. The ones used most frequently were Karlheinz's and Yui's.

While the teacher spoke, Saya checked her phone under the desk. It was from Yui, asking to eat together again, in a private place.

Just in case, Saya checked again. That was unexpected.

She put the phone away because Reiji's annoyance was clearly rising and went back to taking notes of the class.

Shu would have to wait a little longer for answers.

Yui arrived at their usual spot before Saya, and the thoughts that had been haunting her since she finally pressed the button sending the message came back in full force.

What if she was trying to cling to something that had died? What if what she was trying to do was pointless?

Footsteps alerted Yui of someone approaching, and her heartbeat elevated when Saya showed up. She wasn't holding anything – not even her usual thermos of coffee – and Yui wondered if this was a good thing or not. Shu and the other vampires had made it clear they didn't need to eat human food, and that Saya didn't have anything was . . .

Well, it made Yui think that maybe she was planning on ending these lunchtimes together.

Crossing her fingers for luck, Yui took a deep breath. "Hi, Saya-san."

"Yui-san." Saya's eyes had first fallen on her neck, where Shu had bitten. It was healed, and Yui didn't need to take any measures to hide it, but she almost flinched back nonetheless. "You wanted to speak with me?"

The message she sent had asked that they eat together. Yui had been hoping that they could just – continue what they've been doing until now. Last night had been the first time she was ever actually bitten by Shu – by a vampire. There had been pain, and oddly enough, a sort of pleasure that sent heat running through her body from where the fangs sank in. Something had changed in her daily routine and Yui had been desperate to hold on to this, but if Saya was going to try and end it –

She could no longer be so passive, and stick her head in the sand. She had to confront.

"Can we still eat together?" Yui asked.

Saya had been still to begin with, but in that moment she almost froze.

"I know we only have lunch at school," Yui continued, fidgeting. Would it be too forward to ask if they could spend other times together? Not all her free time, but every now and then. "But – can we?"

Slowly, Saya unfroze and took a deep breath. "Why?"

Yui drew comfort from how it seemed to be genuine confusion rather than a flat refusal. Not just in an attempt to be optimistic, but because it felt so, truly. "Because I want to be friends with you, Saya-san."

"Why?" she repeated, like the idea of anyone wanting to be her friend was unfathomable. She always held herself at a distance at school, and while that was understandable – the humans at school weren't like Yui in that they weren't aware of the secret – Yui found herself hurting for her that Saya would genuinely not understand why Yui wanted to be friends with her.

Or maybe she thought that Yui wanted to use her. It wouldn't be difficult to think that, and maybe it was true in a way.

But was it wrong to want to be close to someone who was kind? To point out the good that they didn't see in themselves?

Was it wrong to want to be a friend? To want a friend?

"Because you're a kind person."

"I stood by and watched Sakamaki Shu drink your blood and didn't stop it." The words were flat, as if she were suppressing them, and that sealed it for Yui.

Someone who was not kind didn't torture themselves over the pain of others like Saya did.

"You told me," Yui said. "When I first came to live with the Sakamaki, that I was going to have to choose someone to drink my blood. You tried to make it easy for me. You never lied to me, Saya-san."

"Being honest can be a cruelty in itself."

Yui shook her head. That might be true, but –

"Yesterday," she said. "You looked like you wanted to help me but couldn't, and that pained you."

Saya stiffened. "I did nothing."

It might not be proper and to be honest Yui wasn't in a position where she could pity anyone, but her heart went out for Saya in that moment, who held herself to such harsh standards that she was piling on pain for herself.

"I don't have a choice." Yui could try to do her best, and that was her choice, but in terms of her circumstances there were very little that she could affect and change. Yui accepted that, and she was going to do her best within what she was able to do. "But Saya-san, you don't either, and I can't – I won't – blame you for that."

A loud, almost shuddering breath escaped Saya's lips.

"I'm not who you think I am, Yui-san," she said, words stiff like she was being strangled.

"I know you're a kind person," Yui insisted. Saya might not be telling her everything, and indeed, there were a lot that Yui didn't know about her. Saya was a mysterious person, since the day they met.

But some things were obvious and inherent, and on this Yui would not budge.

Saya shook her head, but she didn't seem aware of it, like the denial was subconscious, as if she rejected the idea of her being kind without even thinking about it. "It's because you don't know."

Yui pulled out her final card – something she pulled together from what she was told and observed. "Maybe I don't know everything, but I do know that you weren't going to join us for lunch anymore, because you felt guilty towards me and Shu-san."

Before she could push that as her evidence for Saya's kindness, she was interrupted. "What?"

That wasn't Saya speaking. From behind Saya, Shu appeared, earphones not in his ears but instead hanging from his fingertips, precariously dangling like they could slip to gravity's urges at any second.