Only in My Dreams

by Madkat89

They had made it through all the dangers of the quest only for the Line of Durin to fall in the Battle of Five Armies. When given the chance to fix it, even if it removes her from their lives, Bella Baggins jumps at the chance. Now all she has left are her memories of the quest, memories that the rest have forgotten. But fate, it seems, is not quite done with Bella Baggins yet.

30. Chapter 30: Relationships Old and New

Chapter Thirty: Relationships Old and New

Bella was throwing together a late lunch, slamming pans as she rattled around the kitchen, her temper still burning brightly in her. After all this time, having to lock up her feelings, after months of pretending to be a respectable hobbit to protect him, some flighty Bracegirdle lass thought that she could sway him away from her. Oh, she wasn't worried that Fili would stray. The fact that he had remembered her clearly indicated that he was her soulmate. But losing him and grieving him was still fresh and it would take time for her mind and heart to really realize that he was here, alive and safe, going to take her back to Erebor.

Movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned to find Bofur peeking around the corner, waving his hat like it was a white truce flag. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips despite her not wanting it. He said teasingly, "Permission to enter the kitchen?"

She huffed but couldn't stop the smile from becoming a full one, "You might as well, I doubt that I could stop you."

Bofur grinned and plopped the hat back on his head, entering the kitchen, "Nay, lass. My brother taught me well the dangers of entering a kitchen with a cranky cook." Pulling a chair out, he flipped it around and straddled it. "Now, what's got you so unsettled, lass?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Why do you ask?"

He folded his arms on the back of the chair and rested his chin on them, "Well now, you've confused the lad right proper now, you have. Rather than trying to figure out what the hobbits did to upset you, I thought it better to get it straight from the source. You're a straightforward lass, after all, and I figure that you'll either tell me what is bothering you or tell me that it's none of my business."

She turned away from him to stir a pot. She sighed and admitted quietly, "It's rather petty of me."

Bofur chuckled at that, "Love can make all of us rather petty. Still, I hate to see the both of you struggling, especially as you two were so recently reunited."

She turned back to him, absently wiping her hands on her apron. "Did he tell you what happened?"

Bofur nodded, "Aye, he said that the two of you went to the market for supplies, your cousin questioned him and you invited her to dinner tomorrow, and then a girl was fresh, causing you to withdraw your custom. Afterwards, you wouldn't speak to him and tell him what was wrong."

Bella almost snarled, "That Bracegirdle upstart told him that I was just a strange odd hobbit and that she was the much better choice."

Bofur straightened, his expression turning serious, "Well now, that puts a different light on the whole thing entirely. If you're worried about Fili..."

She waved that aside, pulling the pan off the heat before plopping gracelessly into a chair across from the hatted dwarf. "It's not that, I trust Fili completely. He wouldn't have remembered me if he had eyes for anyone else. It's just..."

Bofur studied her closely, his voice turning soft and coaxing, "Just what, lass?"

She sighed, looking up from where she was picking as a loose thread, "It struck a raw nerve. I mean, we traveled halfway across Arda, through some really trying circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I adore him completely. But at the end, I lost him. As far as I knew, I would never see him again. I came back here and tried to fit back into the mold of a perfect hobbit lass so that word would not travel and get back to all of you. But the truth is, I never fit that mold in the first place, I've always been, different, from the rest of them." She chuckled tightly, "I guess that there's a reason that Gandalf chose me for the quest, I can't imagine the others doing half of the things that I did."

Bofur nodded, a twinkle in his eye, "Take it from a miner, you can have a vein filled with gemstones that are beautiful and sparkly and precious stones that every one wants to work with. But the discerning ones value the gems that are different from the rest, like pink pearls or blue diamonds."

She looked at him, her eyes widening slightly, "There are such things?"

"Aye, lovelier than you would believe. When we get back to Erebor, I'll show you a few. You are an extraordinary lass and of course the regular lassies are going to be envious."

She smiled at him, feeling her cheeks heat, "That's very sweet of you, Bofur."

He doffed his hat elegantly to her before winking saucily at her. Then he sobered and asked, "So, what is it about that little meeting bothered you?"

She reached up and absently traced her braid, seeking comfort from it, "I've always been the odd one out, been different. I love Fili, with all my heart. But we've been apart longer than we've been together. And most of our time together was during trying circumstances."

Understanding crossed his face, "You're worried that it was the excitement and danger that drew you two together."

She nibbled on her bottom lip, "Ones don't have to get married, do they? I mean, he came for me, but what if he doesn't care for the boring, day to day person that I am?"

Bofur seemed to come to a decision and stood abruptly, "Wait here, I'll be right back. And if you'll whip up some sandwiches, I'll get the others out of your hair as well."

Confused as to what he was up to, she nevertheless stood and hastily started throwing sandwiches together. Bofur returned just as she finished, towing Fili along with him. Bella frowned at him but he ignored her, kipping the sandwiches and leaving, calling over his shoulder, "Give her the first, lad."

Bella frowned at the doorway for another moment before turning back to find Fili watching her intently. She felt her face heat up and looked down, studying her feet as if they were the most interesting thing in all of Arda.

He called softly, "Bella?"

She shook her head stubbornly, refusing to look up at him. "Bofur shouldn't have bothered you. It's nothing, really."

He crossed the kitchen and stopped right in front of her, his boots toe to toe with her feet. He gently lifted her chin until her eyes met his, "If it upsets you, it's not nothing, no matter how silly it seems to be. And trust me, I'm sure that it's actually quite sensible compared to some of the things that I'm used to dealing with. Remember, Kili's my brother."

This piqued her curiosity and it slipped out before she could stop herself, "What do you mean?"

"A month before we left Erebor, he told me that he was was worried about whether or not he should shave his beard because elves don't like facial hair. And when I pointed out that he was a dwarf, he looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Tauriel loves him the way he is, but he worries too much. Thankfully, he's gone to either me or Tauriel before doing anything truly outrageous, but I will disown him if he tries to do a mohawk like Dwalin had."

She couldn't help laughing at that, even as she tried to picture Dwalin with a mohawk. "Dwalin had a mohawk?"

Fili nodded, guiding her over to a chair, "Yes, he shaved it off for the quest, claimed that he wouldn't regrow it until we regained Erebor successfully."

She frowned at that, "Then why has he not regrown it?"

Fili turned the chair that Bofur used back around and sat down, his expression solemn, "I think he knew deep down that we were not all there, without you, it wasn't successful."

Feeling herself tear up at that, she quickly sought to divert him, "So, what did Bofur say to you?"

Fili tugged lightly on his braid, looking thoughtful, "He said that you and I needed to talk, that you had some questions about Ones."

Bella twisted her hands in her lap, "Ones don't always marry, do they?"

He frowned at her, "You don't really think I'd take that other hobbit up on her offer, do you?"

Her eyes flew up to his, "No, of course not! It's just, we've never just been around each other, day to day. What if we don't, suit?"

He reached out and gently cupped her face, his confusion clearing up, "Ah, now I understand why Bofur said that we needed to talk." She leaned into his touch and sighed, causing him to relax at well. "First off, we are not obligated to do anything that you don't want to. You are literally the other half of my soul, that's all that I care about. Also know this, a betrothal can be broken off any time up until the day of the marriage, no questions asked. If you find that we don't suit, we don't have to marry, simple as that."

She looked at him wide eyed, "What do you mean, if I find that we don't suit."

He smiled tenderly at her, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter what happens. And if you want to know the truth, I'd welcome ordinary days between us, where nothing of note happens. However, I know that hobbits are different than dwarves, so I'll not force you into anything."

It was her turn to reach out and gently cup his cheek, "Oh love, I adore you. I just know that I'm not like the dams. They are strong, brave, and fierce. I'm just, me."

He took a deep breath, clearly getting his thoughts in order before he spoke. "When a dwarf wants to court someone, he creates something called a First gift. It's to show the one that he intends to court how he sees them. If the person receiving it thinks that they have seen them truly, then the courtship will commence. I crafted one for you."

Reaching into his inner jacket pocket, he carefully withdrew a cloth wrapped package and handed it to her. She took it and set it in her lap, carefully examining the fabric. It was gauzy piece, light and airy, indigo blue shot through with silver threads. It looked like she was holding a piece of the night sky in her hands. She breathed, "It's beautiful."

He smirked, "That's just the wrapping. Open it."

Her fingers trembled but she carefully worked the knot loose, unwrapping it layer by layer to find a delicate charm bracelet. She felt her eyes widen when she saw it, "I saw you working on this."

He blinked, surprised, "What do you mean?"

She traced the actual bracelet, "You had just started it, I couldn't even tell that it was going to be a bracelet. You looked tired and thinner than the last time that I'd seen you, and you were concentrating intensely on a delicate bit. You managed to get it just right and you gave that grin, that one that makes your eyes all soft and warm, when you're happy with how things were. Several of your braids needed redone, strands were coming loose. I spoke to you, but you didn't hear me of course. Then I woke up."

He swallowed hard, "Bella, that was months ago."

She nodded, eyes still fixed on the bracelet. "Yes? Is that important?"

He called her name, causing her to look up, "Bella, that was a soul dream. That means that even when you knew that I didn't remember, your soul was calling for mine. Was that your first dream?"

She shook her head, smiling shyly, "No, I'd had a couple before that, just day to day life in Erebor for you, training with Dwalin, things like that. Can I look at the charms?"

He nodded speechless over this, even as his heart ached with gratitude and love. She picked it up, carefully examining the charms. "That's my door, it even has the mark that Gandalf made." She giggled, "And the trolls. Now wasn't that a fiasco. What does the flower represent?"

He cleared his throat, "Rivendell, our time there was peaceful."

She nodded, "The stone giants and the eagles. You know, the other hobbits would really think that I'm crazy if I tried to explain to them about that." She covered her mouth, her eyes growing moist. She said softly, "Our bouquet. It's perfect, how in the world did you ever get such fine detailing done?"

He shrugged, "It's hard to explain, I can show you how sometime."

She nodded to show that she understood what he'd said, still examining the charms. "The butterfly from Mirkwood. Did I tell you about it?"

"I saw it, in the dreams. I never expected such beauty in that desolate place."

She moved quickly over the next two charms, "The spiders, of course, and the escape. Now, wasn't that exciting? I'm so glad that Kili is doing well now. And Smaug looks so lifelike, I can't believe how you captured him down to the last detail. I almost expect him to speak, in his snarky, egotistical voice."

She came to the last charm and hesitated. She examined it closely, before running her fingertip over it. She asked softly, her voice unsure, "What does this charm mean to you?"

His hand gently covered hers, trying to impart his strength to her, "That morning on the battlements, when Thorin did the unforgivable. What do you see?"

Her hand trembled although her voice was still steady, "I see my heart the day that you fell. The world went silent, you know. I didn't know if it was because the world ended or because my world had ended. I wanted to curl up and die, but I knew that you would want me to keep going, to keep living. So I went looking for Kili. After all, you had spent your whole life protecting him, so how could I do any less?"

He protested quietly, "Bella, you don't..."

She shook her head, knowing that she wouldn't be able to speak of it ever again if she didn't keep speaking. "I arrived just in time to see the light fade from his eyes. Bolg, you see. So I looked for Thorin. He was battling Azog." She sobbed slightly before she caught herself. "He was fighting him on the frozen river, of all place. You Durins put a whole new definition of reckless, I hope you know. We managed to kill Azog, then Thorin begged my forgiveness for his actions. I hoped, for just a moment, that he would actually survive. But he passed too. I couldn't believe it, you were all just, gone. I'd never even gotten to tell you goodbye, or that I loved you. It broke me, that moment, in a way that I had never thought that I could be broken."

A broken noise escaped him and he reached over, pulling her into his lap. Fine tremors ran over her but her eyes were still dry. He pressed a kiss to her curls, rocking her back and forth. "If I could take that from you, love, I would. In a heartbeat."

She straightened but didn't try to get out of his embrace. Instead, she cupped his face and drew it down until his forehead rested against hers. Her eyes shimmered with tears and yes, there was pain, but there was also hope and joy. "No, they are part of who I am now. But I have been blessed beyond measure. To have you here with me now, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world." She smiled and it only trembled slightly, "And this way, I get much more time with you than I would have before. Yes indeed, I have been blessed."

They stayed like that for several minutes, just drinking in the other's presence. Eventually, she sighed and pulled back. His arms tightened around her, not wanting to let her go yet. She smiled and brushed a gentle kiss over his lips before saying, "Fili, you need to let me go. You know that your brother is going to be bounding in here any moment."

Fili only pulled her closer, a mischievous smirk on his face, "We could always sic Tauriel on him."

Bella shook her head, "No. Now let me go."

He sighed but did as she asked, "Only for you, ghivashel."

She reluctantly hopped off his lap before remember what she was actually doing. She scooped up the bracelet that had fallen to the floor and slipped it on. "It's beautiful, Fili. I really think that you've seen me truly. This is us, this is our journey. Wait here."

She scampered from the room, but was back only moments later, carrying a leather bound book. She came over and stood in front of him, holding it out. He took it but she didn't release it. She took a deep breath and softly, "You know how you said that my soul dreams were a sign that my soul was calling yours?" He nodded. "Last year, around the first snowfall, I couldn't stand the loneliness anymore. I begged Yavanna to allow me to write about the journey. I promised that I wouldn't talk to anyone, but I wanted just a small thing, to remember all of you, that I had the company that I considered family and a dwarf who I loved deeply and all of whom had loved me in return. If she would just grant me this boon, I would burn it come spring and never speak of you all again. However, I think since things have worked out the way they have, the Green Lady wouldn't mind if I didn't burn the book. It's not done yet, but I want you to consider this my First gift to you."

She released it and he took it carefully. She held her breath as he slowly paged through it, pausing here and there to read a passage before continuing on. Finally he reached the end, where she had stopped after that morning on the battlements. She admitted, her voice hushed, "I couldn't write the next part. I just wasn't strong enough. I knew that had to finish it, to get closure, but I just couldn't."

He closed the book, awe filling his gaze, "It was you."

She tilted her head, "I don't know what you mean."

He reached out and snagged her hand, bringing it up and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "These were my dreams. It would most likely have taken me longer to remember if you hadn't needed to write it. I was looking for you from the moment that I woke up, it's true. But I didn't even know where to start looking. But your heart was looking for it's other half just as strongly as mine was. When you wrote, your longing was so strong that it called to me from half a continent away. It was your words that I saw in my dreams, that led me back to you. I will cherish this, although I am sure that you will want to finish it at some point."

He stood and pulled her into his arms, kissing her. She sighed happily, slipping her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry that I was cranky with you earlier."

He teased, "I don't know, that kiss was pretty amazing. However, I would prefer to know why before you kiss me senseless next time."

She rolled her eyes and said drily, "I"ll make sure to keep that in mind." She brushed a piece of hair from his face, searching his eyes, "I want to go home."

He smiled at her, "Whenever you want."

She asked hesitantly, "Can I bring a few things?"

He vowed quietly, "Whatever you want. I'll speak with Dwalin, he'll know the schedule of caravans from Ered Luin to Erebor. We'll send whatever you want with them."

She looked at him curiously, "Why wouldn't we travel with the caravan?"

He shook his head, "Both princes would make too much of a tempting target, it's better if we're not there. Not to mention the future princess of Erebor as well. No, we'll travel in the same group as we traveled with plus you. It's safer that way."

She nodded her understanding. "At least this time I know how to pack better for a journey. And I absolutely will not forget the handkerchiefs this time."

Right then, they heard the heavy tread of the others and they reluctantly separated. When the rest joined them, both Bella and Fili proudly showed off their gifts, the others exclaiming happily over them.

When they spoke with Dwalin about it after dinner, he told them that there should be a caravan moving through in about two weeks. He added gruffly, "Should be a raven showing up here any time now as well. Thorin will be wanting to know if you were successful or not, whether or not the lass will rejoin us in Erebor."

He looked at her curiously as he said that and she realized that she'd never explained her decision, "Erebor is home, Dwalin. Well, Fili is my home, but Erebor is a close second. I miss it, miss it dearly. I don't fit in the Shire anymore, I don't know if I ever did. Besides, Yavanna and Mahal granted me a lifespan to match Fili's. Yes, Erebor is where I want to be."

Dwalin hugged her gently, "We've missed you but we just want you to be happy, lass." He released her and grinned, "However, if you should be happier in Erebor, well then, none of us will nay say you."

She giggled at that, "I'd be very put out if you tried to stop me. Good night, Dwalin."

After he had left, she turned back to Fili, feeling suddenly lost, "Two weeks."

He pulled her gently into his arms. "I'm sorry, Bella. I wish I could grant you longer. But Kili and I really do need to get back to Erebor. There are duties awaiting us there."

She tried to soothe him, "I'm not upset, it's just rather sudden, is all." She reluctantly pulled away from him. "That means that I'd better get to bed. I have lots to do if I'm to be ready to leave in that amount of time. Not to mention that Lobelia and Otho will be here for dinner tomorrow. I'll need to go shopping again, but I think I'll take Dwalin or Bifur this time. You and your brother are both too pretty to be allowed out of Bag End."

He smirked at that and she rolled her eyes, giving him a quick peck before slipping down the hall to her room.

Going inside and quietly closing the door, she was surprised to find Tauriel sitting cross legged on the bed, obviously waiting for her. She asked softly, not wanting her voice to carry, "Was there something that you needed, Tauriel?"

The crimson haired woman offered her an apologetic smile, "I wanted to apologize. I should've left you a note. I didn't mean to cause you distress."

Bella smiled at her, moving towards the bed and unlacing her corset so that she could switch over to her night gown. "I'm glad that you didn't." When Tauriel looked puzzled, Bella elaborated, "I've been holding a lot in for much too long now. I needed to cry, needed to let all that pain and loneliness go. So really, there is nothing to apologize for."

Relaxing slightly, Tauriel sighed and stood, moving to change into her night clothes as well, now that she knew that Bella wasn't going to demand that she sleep elsewhere. "They're happier, you know."

Bella pulled her nightgown down, finally managing to get her head through the proper hole. "Who are?"

"All of them, really. There's a lightness, a joy to them, that I've never seen before. To be honest, I thought it strange that Fili was willing to travel all this way without knowing if you would even see him or not. I didn't even know if you really existed or where just a fantasy created by Fili's injury. However, the rest of them believed that it was something more, especially Kili. I've never been more happy in my life to be proven wrong. You are a vital part of their family, Bella, and they weren't complete without you."

Bella smiled at her and crawled into the bed. "Our family, Tauriel. For we wouldn't be whole without you either. The way Kili lights up when he sees you or talks about you. It makes me love you, even before I fully know you. I thought it funny, you know, the way you two were drawn to each other, even in the dungeons."

Tauriel stared at her, "You were there? How? I would've sworn that no one besides elves or dwarves were in the palace."

Bella giggled, "It's a long story, one that I'll have to share another time. However, we'll be leaving in a couple of weeks, so I need to get some sleep so I can deal with everything that needs to be done before we go. Not to mention that my cousin is coming over for dinner tomorrow. I don't know what in the world I was thinking when I invited her." She glanced at Tauriel, "I don't suppose you know any fancy elvish recipes that we could make?"

Tauriel shook her head regretfully, undoing her braids, "No, I was a soldier, not a cook. I can get by well enough on basic recipes and simple rations, but anything fancier is beyond me."

Bella yawned widely, "That's ok. I can teach you some of the finer aspects of cooking if you want though."

Tauriel blew out the candle and snuggled into the bed, leaving only the glow of the fire for light. The elleth admitted shyly, "I would like that. I always wanted siblings, a brother to play with and to watch out for me or a sister to whisper and giggle with long into the night."

Bella smiled warmly at her, "I know what you mean. Hobbits usually have large families, between four to eight faunts. My mother could only have me. It was lonely, growing up with siblings. But I don't think that either of us will ever be lonely again, not with our dwarves."

Tauriel giggled at that, "You're right."

They ended up talking and laughing long into the night, long past when they should've been asleep, but Bella didn't begrudge the lost sleep. It was nice to have family again.

Bella was flustered, checking everything again and again. She had bullied and bribed the others into promising to be on their best behavior and now she was fussing over all of the dinner things, making sure that everything was just so. She had even snapped at Fili when he dared poke his nose in the kitchen and ask if she needed any help. His eyebrows had flown up to his hairline, but he didn't say anything, just disappeared again. She made a mental note to apologize to him later.

However, he was back a few minutes later with reinforcements, a.k.a. Tauriel and Ori. They watched her for a couple of minutes and then took over while Fili took her arm and led her out the back door, ignoring her protests. He led her to the hidden back garden, dropping her arm and allowing her to pace while he sat patiently on a stone bench. "Bella, you needn't fret. Everything is perfect and we'll all behave, you have my word. Why are you panicking? I thought that you didn't even like Lobelia."

Bella sighed, making her way over and plopping down onto the bench beside him, "I don't really like her, but I've come to respect her. Besides, she is my family and I want her to understand how wonderful you are."

He asked curiously, "What did she do to earn your respect? Finally give up on learning your lemon berry scone recipe?"

Bella sighed again, "Nothing so pleasant, I'm afraid." She shared what had happened during the winter solstice as well as the way that Lobelia watched out for her in her own way. By the time she finished the tale, Fili was the one pacing.

His fists were clenching and unclenching as he paced and his face was livid. He growled, "You mean to tell me that some honorless piece of filth thought to force a lass, force you, into marriage."

Remembering her own hurt and outrage, she sighed, "He's been dealt with, wasn't even all that much of a challenge. Any one of you could have handled him in your sleep. Still, it was amusing to see him getting thwacked with her umbrella. Made it all so totally worth it. I must admit though, I really missed you, after that." She studied him before adding thoughtfully, "But maybe it was a good thing that you weren't there, after all. I'm fairly sure that you would have killed him."

Fili sneered, "Death would be too kind for one such as he. What happened to him?"

"Lobelia and I testified as to what had happened and a few more that had dealt with him before came forward. His property ended up being seized, his feet shaved, and he was exiled. The bounders and rangers also spread word far and wide about what had happened so that people would know to watch out for him. Beyond that, I don't know what happened to him, nor do I want to know."

Fili blew out a harsh breath, obviously trying to control his temper. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took three deep breaths in and out. Bella giggled at that and he turned his head to stare at her. "I didn't know that you did that too."

He frowned, puzzled, "Do what?"

She grinned, "Take three deep breaths in and out to help control your temper. Or before you do something that you don't want to do."

Fili chuckled, "Dwalin taught me to do that as a pebble after Kili had gotten into something of mine yet again. I've done it for so long now that it's become a habit, I guess."

She smiled softly, "My mother had a fiery temper as well. It was actually my father that taught me to do that. To control it for long enough to decide if it was really worth losing my temper or not."

He grinned, "And was it?"

She smirked at that, "A few times it was, yes. Most of the time, it was better to just walk away."

He came over and sat next to her, picking up her hand and lacing their fingers together. He offered her a crooked grin, "All right, let's both do it, take three deep breaths in and out. Then I'll set aside my need to go hunt down that waste of space and you can remember all the reasons that you didn't like Lobelia, so it doesn't matter if she enjoys the dinner or not. Also, if something goes terribly wrong, we're leaving in a couple of weeks anyway, so you won't have to face her again. So really, what's the worse that can happen?"

She bumped his shoulder with hers, but couldn't stop the laughter that slipped out, "Ok, I'm overreacting and you're having to restrain your homicidal tendencies. What a pair we make. I'd better get back in and finish up dinner. I love you all, but I sincerely doubt that either of them know exactly how to finish up the meal."

Right that moment, Kili stuck his head out the back door, his eyes large, and called, "Bella, you'd better get in here quickly."

Laughing, she untangled her hand from Fili's and rose. She gave him a 'See what I mean?' look before making her way in, reassuring Kili that it would be ok.

To her surprise, dinner went off well, everyone was on their best behavior and conversation managed to be noncontroversial. Bella could tell that Balin had been working hard with Ori on diplomacy. Plus, if she knew the scribe at all, as soon as he knew that they were heading to the Shire, he probably read all he could get his hands on about hobbits. It probably wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. Also, since Kili and Tauriel had started courting, the younger prince was much more settled, which she appreciated.

Bofur focused on Bifur, who appeared to have a headache. At one point, noticing this, Lobelia got up from the table and went into the kitchen, reemerging with a cup of her headache remedy for him, which honestly was second to none, before quietly resuming her seat. Watching this, Bella wondered at how Lobelia had changed. The truth was, Bella herself had changed as well. Maybe they had both matured and grown. A startling thought occurred to her. Maybe the Shire was as rough on Lobelia as it had been on Bella, only in a different way. Maybe Lobelia was a privately miserable as Bella had been. It was something for her to think about, on another day.

Dwalin actually carried the conversation quite well and she suddenly remembered that he was considered royalty or nobility, she couldn't remember which, but that he was also of the line of Durin. He had obviously received schooling alongside Thorin and the rest of them. She had never thought him dumb, but every new facet of his personality fascinated her.

Finally dinner was over and she and Lobelia retreated to the parlor while Fili and Otho went out for a pipe, more than likely for Otho to question Fili about his intentions per Lobelia's insistence. The rest of them had offered to clean up and Bella allowed them to do so. Lobelia sighed as she settled into a chair, her after dinner tea on the table next to her.

Bella said, "I hope that dinner was all right, I really wanted you to meet my family."

Lobelia was silent for a long time, carefully sipping from her tea before finally replying, "They are your family, aren't they?"

Bella frowned, "I don't understand."

Lobelia cut her off, "I never cared for you, you know. You were always such a free spirited child, with dirty frocks and flyaway curls and always going on adventures. And that your parents never seemed to mind if you came home and tracked mud through the house or not. Often as not, your mother was right there with you, just as messy and disarrayed and happy as you. When you became sole owner of Bag End, I hoped that you would settle down, for your own good, after all your parents weren't there to shelter you any more. But the light left you after that. You did your best to be a good proper Baggins and take care of your tenants and Bag End. But you were deeply unhappy, I could tell. When you disappeared, I honestly believed that you would never come back, that you had taken after your mother and managed to break free of this place, had gone looking for someplace that you would be truly happy."

Bella sighed, offering her a wry grin, "Oh no, something much worse happened. I allowed a wizard to talk me into an adventure."

Lobelia gave a disapproving frown, "Nasty business, adventures. Dreadfully uncomfortable as well. I hope that you've learned your lesson about listening to wizards."

Bella took a sip of her own tea to hide her smirk before replying, "Indeed I have. I can honestly say that I will never again go on an adventure like that."

Lobelia nodded sharply, "Good, now where was I? Oh yes, I remember. I never expected you to come back, I sincerely hoped that you had found happiness elsewhere. That or died quickly instead of the slow fading that I saw every day. Then you came back and you were changed. You were much, much too thin and your eyes were haunted. It took you months to leave your house and start interacting again. It took you time, but you finally started living again and aside from that nasty little incident at midwinter, you seemed to be coping."

Bella sighed, "I was doing my best, Lobelia, although I can't say that I was truly happy. The way things ended, I was heartbroken, but I was doing my best to go on the best way I could."

The other woman's expression softened, actually softened and she took another sip of tea. Seeing that her tea cup was nearly empty, Bella offered her a refill but she waved it aside. "When I heard that there were dwarves in the Shire and that they were heading towards Bag End, I marched over here to throw them out on their ear. They had no right to come here after uprooting your life and making you look like a ghost of yourself for months."

Bella asked softly, "Why didn't you then?"

Lobelia looked her directly in the eye, "I had just opened the door and was going to call your name when I heard it. You were laughing. I hadn't heard you laugh since you returned from wherever it was that you had gone. Rarely heard you laugh before you left, but never after you came back. And then you sang. I'd forgotten how lovely your voice was, just like your mother's. Her voice always charmed me too. There were times that I swear that the very birds would stop singing and come closer to listen to her. I left, you obviously weren't distressed, but I vowed that I would get to the bottom of this. But after dinner tonight, I think I know what the truth is. You love him, don't you?"

Bella smiled softly, "I do. He's my One, 'Belia. My heart broke when I thought him dead."

Lobelia sighed, "Well, there's nothing for it then. I'll take that tea now, thank you." After her cup was refilled, she asked, "So, I suppose you'll be leaving with him then."

Bella nodded thoughtfully, "Yes, we depart in two weeks' time. I've decided that Bag End will be going to Drogo and Prim. She's expecting their first, you know, and their smial is so tiny, no place for faunts. However, I would like for you to have Grandmother Baggins silver as well as several of the family recipes. I know that you will truly cherish them."

Lobelia searched her face sharply to see if Bella was mocking before smiling at her and saying softly, "I would like that. Very much, thank you."

They sipped their tea in companionable silence until Fili and Otho returned and the hobbit couple took their leave. As Bella and Lobelia hugged, Lobelia slipped a recipe in Bella's hand and murmured, "For the quiet one's headaches. If he takes it when they first start, it should head off the worst of it."

Bella hugged her again, "Thank you indeed, cousin. I'll bring the recipes round before I leave and maybe we can share another cup of tea while I'm there."

Lobelia sniffed, "See that you do. Come Otho."

Bella watched them go, a puzzled expression expression on her face. Fili came over and wrapped his arms around her, dropping a kiss on her forehead as he asked, "You all right, love?"

She looked up at him, "Have you ever been wrong about someone? I thought that I had Lobelia all figured out, but I was blinded by my own prejudice, I think. She just really surprised me, is all."

Fili smiled down at her, "Otho and I had quite the talk as well. He threatened me that should I ever mistreat you, Lobelia and her umbrella would come and straighten things out."

Bella giggled, "That is quite the threat, indeed."

Fili nodded seriously, "That's what I thought as well, so I did everything in my power to reassure him that I would treasure you as you truly deserve."

She was moving to kiss him when she heard a crash come from the kitchen. She called loudly, "Kili!"

He called back, "How do you know it was me? It could've been Bofur or Ori." There were outraged cries at this from the others.

Rolling her eyes, she slipped away from Fili and moved towards the kitchen and said tartly, "Because I know that neither Ori nor Bofur are foolish enough to try to juggle my seed starting pots to impress their ladylove."

She entered the kitchen just in time to see a seriously spooked Kili ask Dwalin, "How in the world did she know that? She's on the other side of the house."

Bella replied, "She's standing right here. And it had better have been a pot, because if it had been one of my fine china plates, I would have to kill you." She added absently to the elf woman who was smothering her laughter, "Sorry Tauriel, but I'm sure that you understand."

A chuckle escaped before she managed to stop herself as she replied, "Of course, Bella, totally understandable."

When Kili looked desperately at Dwalin for support, Dwalin just shook his head, "You're on your own with this one, lad. You should know better by know than to fool around with delicate things. How often did your amad try to pound that into your thick skull?"

Kili sulked, "Everyone has it out for me."

Bella laughed as she crossed the kitchen and hugged him, "Ah, we all love you, Kee, you know that."

He hugged her back, a smile on his own face, "I've missed ya, Bella. I'm glad that you're coming back with us."

She admitted, "Me too. Just refrain from juggling anything else until after we've left, if you please." He turned bright crimson and they all roared with laughter.

The days passed quickly and before she knew it, only a few days remained until it was time for them to leave the Shire. She had asked Dwalin to accompany her as she searched for some wild cuttings that she wanted to bring with her. Fili had remained behind to do some sparring with Kili, so Dwalin had agreed easily enough to go. They had found the clearing that she wanted and she was happily digging up some roots when he asked, "What's on your mind, lass?"

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand absently, leaving a tiny smear of dirt across her forehead. "What do you mean?"

"Something's been weighing on you for the past few days, as we get closer to our departure. Is it Thorin? Because if it is, I swear that he is completely cured, you have my word."

Setting aside the basket, she sat and made herself comfortable, motioning for him to sit down as well. "No, I forgave him that months ago. He was himself during the battle, had come back to himself, I know not when. I know that I'll probably have some residual things to deal with, but I'll deal with that when it happens. No, there's something else on my mind."

He sat slowly, freeing an axe and laying it where he could reach it easily. She would've tried to persuade him that it was safe, that there were no dangers about, but it was such an ingrained habit that she doubted that he ever realized that he'd done it. "You and the lad have a tiff then?"

She smiled warmly at him, "No, although I'm sure that we will, sooner or later. We both have very strong personalities."

He laughed, "Aye, that you do. What's the matter then?"

She fiddled with her skirt, noticing a small tear in it that needed mended. It was her gardening skirt, so it wasn't a big deal, but a stitch in time saved nine and all that. He studied her closely, frowning slightly when she refused to meet his gaze, "Yer avoiding the subject and yer avoiding my eyes. This is serious then. Just tell me, whatever it is, we'll work it out."

She sighed and looked up at him with a crooked grin, "You're very kind, Dwalin. Yes, I have something I want to talk to you about, that's why I brought you out here. This way, if I've made an enormous blunder, no one will know but the two of us."

He sighed, one that spoke of long experience with mischievous dwarflings, "Well, if you have to use that many words to get around to it, I doubt that it's anything good. Might as well just spit it out."

"I made up all sorts of excuses, came up with all sorts of reasons. But the most important one is this. You've become very important to me, Dwalin. You've protected and cared for me throughout the entire quest. I find that I care for you deeply. So I want to know, would you be willing to build a family with me?"

He froze, shock evident on his features. He ground out, "What do you mean?"

She sighed, her face falling slightly. "I don't know if you know this or not, but I lost my family fairly young. It was during the Fell Winter, the wolves and orcs attacked." She swallowed hard and looked away before waving a hand as if she could physically push it away. "Needless to say, I lost both of them. I wasn't quite to majority yet, but old enough that I was capable of being on my own. What I'm trying so hard to say without saying is that I've come to consider you like a father to me. I think that both my parents would have approved of you. And since my lifespan now matches Fili's, I'm sure that I'm considered quite young by dwarves. If you don't want that, I understand, but I had to at least ask."

She looked resigned, like she already knew his answer and was bracing herself for the inevitable rejection. He pushed to his knees, reaching over and lifting her chin so that she met his eyes, "Whoa now, lass, don't be so hasty. Let me make sure that I understand you right. You want me to be your adad?"

She frowned, "I don't know what that means."

He clarified, "Yer da, yer father."

She smiled tentatively at him, "Yes, did I do something wrong?"

He sat back heavily, the breath whooshing out of him, "Now why would you want a thing like that?"

She frowned at him, "Why wouldn't I? You're kind hearted to those you care for, a protector. You've watched out for me, cared for, and guided me, much as I remember my father doing. You've always done your best to protect me without smothering me. But more than that, you're kind, thoughtful, smart, and have a wickedly dry sense of humor. I feel safe with you. However." She looked away before forcing herself to meet his eyes again, "If I've overstepped some sort of unspoken rule, I apologize. I haven't even told Fili, so he couldn't tell me if it was a good idea or a bad one. If I've distressed you, I am truly sorry."

He stared at her, his gaze searching, "You truly feel that way?"

She nodded firmly, "Like I said, I had all sorts of other excuses made up, like how I'd need a guardian to chaperone us until we reached Erebor or how it would be a good political move to align myself with another house so they can't just say that I'm marrying Fili because he's the crown prince or something. But the truth is, I've spent enough time missing and grieving all of you, that I'm not willing to dance around what I really feel anymore." She started to add to more, but then decided against it. She had spoke her piece, the rest was up to him now.

He was silent for several minutes before he finally managed to speak, his voice slightly hoarse with unshed tears, "I'd like that." He reached over and pulled her into a hug. "I'd be proud to call you my daughter."

She hugged him back fiercely, burying her face in his shoulder as happy tears slipped down her face.

Notes:

Stay safe, stay healthy, and best wishes for you and your family during these trying times.