-o- CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR -o-

straws

We had to return to the castle, however strange that felt after our awkward council. I had no doubts about Scrooge, regardless of what Leon had said. I would follow his message and see what he had uncovered. But first, I supposed, I would pretend to ask our squad leader for permission.

It was warm, for morning, and quiet, compared to the Radiant Garden streets at night. After we entered the castle, we came upon the group mostly assembled, scattered around the dining hall for breakfast.

"Where have you been?" cried Sora, running to me and wrapping his arms around me. There was a time when those arms brought comfort, but in that moment they only brought me guilt. He held me like a lover, and I had finally come to terms with the fact that I couldn't play that part. It made his grasp feel too tight, his touch oddly unwelcome, and I was embarrassed at how readily I flinched. Sora could feel it, too, a lot horrified look casting over his blue eyes. It was like, suddenly, I wasn't his any more.

I pulled away. Looking at Sora's face, I could only remember being so close to Axel just minutes before, his body pressed against mine in the narrow stairway. My stomach churned with shame.

"We stayed the night at Scrooge's apartment," I answered, feeling the room pause in discomfort at the sound of his name. "He's gone. We think he was scared into running, but he left this clue with Goliath."

I held up the medallion. Leon rose from the table, eyeing me with a combination of suspicion and concern as he approached and took it from me.

"How did he make contact with Goliath?" Leon asked carefully.

"We don't know," Launchpad responded, casting more doubt in Leon's eyes. "Goliath went to look for him and when we saw that he had come back, he was already stone, holding this message."

Leon sighed. "So you don't even know that this message is really from Scrooge. Or, moreover, that Scrooge could even be trusted if it was."

Launchpad held his ground. "With all due respect, sir, I think we can all say that Goliath is beyond reproach. He went to look for Scrooge and this is what he found. This has to be worth investigating, whatever it means. Other than these coordinates we've got a whole lot of nothing in terms of wisely planning our next move."

Leon looked at me, a deep concern simmering in his gaze. He shook his head slowly. "These coordinates could be from anyone, leading us anywhere. This is not a reliable lead. In all likelihood, this is a trap."

I felt myself snap, and spoke louder than I was used to speaking. "What about this whole goddamn situation doesn't feel like a trap?!" I exploded. "The worlds out there are dying, Maleficent is taking over everything, the gummi ships are worthless, and we're just supposed to sit here and WAIT. I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of taking orders from someone who's never even around!"

The room had grown so silent that I could hear the echoes of my own voice in the cavernous ceiling. Sora looked like he didn't even recognize me. Leon stared at the ground. A low, distinguished sound of someone clearing their throat broke the quiet. All of our eyes turned in the direction of the far wall, where Master Yen Sid had quietly entered the room.

"Fiery words, young Princess," he said softly, though in the shocked silence of the room, his voice was booming.

"Master Yen Sid," I said desperately, running toward him. I was blushing, but determined to make them all listen. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the battered medallion he had given me. "Scrooge's message… it was etched onto a medallion just like this one! Just like the one you gave me! That has to mean something."

The Master examined me, and then the object in my hand, with an unmoving face. "This medallion is a symbol of the Circle of Witches of Radiant Gardens; this one, the rank of novice. Yours, the rank of master, the rank of your mother. I gave you this gift as a token of sentiment, nothing more. Such medallions are not common items, since the witches have been wiped out, but it is not an impossible coincidence. I feel as though you may be grasping at straws."

I felt my spirit deflating. I met Launchpad's eyes and he gazed back at me with a shrug and a frown.

"What brings you to us, Master Yen Sid?" Leon interjected. "Word from the King?"

Master Yen Sid nodded solemnly. "Indeed. He informed me of our challenge in transportation and I offered a solution. My tower exists in a plane of reality that is neither Light nor Dark; it is nestled in what we call the twilight, the space between. I am able to travel back and forth with this plane through Twilight Town, the world to which my satellite is anchored. I believe that I can use the same magic utilized to manage my train to create safe passage for the King's Thirteen."

"That's great news, your excellency," Sora answered. Having ridden the Master's magic train himself, Sora was the most apt to be confident in its success rate. The others nodded in fervent agreement, and I mechanically felt myself nodding along with them. I wanted to be excited. But I couldn't. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being pulled in the opposite direction from where my heart wanted to go.

The Master held out his hand in halting motion. "This is powerful and difficult magic. I shall need all your able mages at my side to conduct the spell. But I feel that I should tell you… the path I can create for you will be a one-way trip. The magic simply cannot sustain more than that. To return, you must defeat our enemies once and for all. It is a last effort, to undermine Maleficent's forces at their core."

Leon nodded. "To the World That Never Was, then? A final assault?" he assumed.

The Master shook his head, watching us severely with his cold blue eyes. "You cannot hope to defeat her where she reigns. She is too powerful there. Our only hope is to rip her power out from under her. The King requests that I send his most powerful warriors, the Thirteen, to the End of the World- the vast expanse at the edge of our universe where dying worlds convalesce. There you can enter Kingdom Hearts and dismantle the threads that hold Maleficent's false Kingdom together."

The room was silent, the words one-way trip and final assault ringing heavy upon us. The End of the World.

Sora spoke first. "We're ready, Master. We can do this." He revealed his Keyblade, and it sparkled as it reflected the morning light pouring through the windows. He lifted it in the air, and Leon followed suit, raising his gunblade in salute. Around the room, with varying levels of enthusiasm and at various speeds, weapons and hands were rising into the air, committing themselves. But I couldn't bring myself to move. It didn't feel right. Pieces were missing from this puzzle.

"You are noble warriors, all of you. Saviors to the world as we know it. We will depart at dusk, when your gargoyle awakens. That should leave you time to make your preparations, and give me time to make mine. I shall retire to the Chapel, where this world's ancient magic pools the strongest. This is where we shall cast the spell."

The dining hall was a flurry of movement and dialogue upon Yen Sid's egress. Launchpad crossed immediately to Axel, who listened with a stoic face as he emoted frantically. I found myself walking toward the exit as chatter and plotting refilled the quiet room. I needed time to think; time to catch my breath. I needed time alone.

But Sora would not leave me alone.

He found me in the garden, a place I had come to think of as a sanctuary in this home that didn't really feel like my home. The sun was high enough now to shine over the castle walls, the water of the pond shimmering its reflection. Here, Leon had told me I would be queen. But queen of what? I wondered now.

"Hey," he said, approaching me at the water's edge. I sat on the grass, staring, thinking.

"Hey," I said. We sat in the warm quiet, uncomfortably.

Sora sighed. "So I mean… don't you have anything to say to me?" His voice was wounded. "You just disappeared overnight, showed up in the morning. You directly disobeyed Leon. Kairi?"

His eyes pierced me. I wanted to speak but my mouth was dry. My thoughts felt choked in my brain; I didn't know what to say or where to begin. "I had to follow up on Scrooge," I answered simply. "What Leon and the others said… it just didn't feel right. Launchpad knew it too." And Axel, I thought, but I didn't dare say his name.

Sora bit his lip, thinking. "But it's more than that. You've been missing for a week. I was so worried about you, couldn't think of anything but seeing you again, and now that I'm with you again… It's like you haven't even wanted to talk to me." He reached out, forcefully, and grabbed my shoulder. He forced me to meet his gaze. "It's like you won't even look at me. Like you're shutting me out."

I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but I couldn't, because he was right. There was a new distance between us. I tried to feel the way I felt the first time I kissed him, just weeks ago in the dark before sunrise. In that moment, before our journey began, I needed his strength to move forward. But suddenly, I didn't feel that way any more. He was still Sora, still the dear friend of my childhood. But what he wanted from me… that kind of love… I knew now that I couldn't give it to him.

I put my hand on his, resting on the grass. "If we were still on Destiny Islands…" I began, softly. How could I explain myself? How could I tell him that I had promised him my heart when I didn't really know my heart yet? How do you take something like that back?

"We're still on the same team," I started over. "I just… I can't be close to you the way we were before. Not in the middle of all this." I watched the wrenching hurt cast over his eyes and I felt it, too, punching my gut. I felt a sob clog my throat. "Can you possibly understand?"

"Kairi, I love you," he said in a sad whisper.

I shook my head and ignored the shattering feeling in my heart. "You love a little girl that reminds you of home. We loved each other as children. Think how many journeys we've taken away from each other… we aren't those children any more. The love that bound our hearts won't ever go away, Sora… but we can't pretend that a childhood love lasts forever. I have to give up those comforts, you know? I'm different."

I remembered, strikingly, everything Riku had postulated when he woke from his nightmare in the Coliseum. It was heartbreakingly but inescapably true. Every step you took forward into the person you were meant to be, the background scenery of your childhood got a little blurrier.

Sora pulled his hand away from mine and stared at the water. I could feel him simmering beside me, but neither of us could say another word. The anxiety between us weighed a thousand pounds.

He drew his thumb along his eyes, pushing aside the tears he didn't want to shed. He cleared his throat. "I don't know what happened in the week I lost you," he said. "But there's something in you I don't recognize any more. And maybe you don't have the same feelings for me that I have for you… maybe I can learn to deal with that. But I hope you mean what you say, that you're still on our team." He stood up and brushed the morning dew from his shorts. "Master Yen Sid said he needs all our mages… and from what I've seen, you're more magical than I ever dreamed of being. You better show up in the Chapel with the others."

He walked away, out the same gate he once charged through to save me when I was screaming, and I was left alone. I pulled my knees into my body and held myself, sobbing.