Leah was having a confusing day.

She woke up, like normal, ate oatmeal like normal and she got ready for her day like normal but that was when everything normal stopped. Because today was the day that she contacted Emily. It took her two weeks to actually use the number Jacob had text her and whenever he came home from work or slinked in from being with Bella, he'd peek his head into her room and ask her if she'd call yet and every time, she said the same thing. "Tomorrow." She hadn't realized she'd been saying it for so long until Jacob said some snide comment about him not being sure she'd ever do it and her drive was reignited.

She gave herself a deadline and today was the last day that she could call. Leah stared at the 10 digits on her phone, her thumb hovering over the button that would inevitably call it. She knew what she was doing right? When she'd decided that this was her last step for moving on, she knew that this would be the hardest. She would actually have to talk about the one person she and Emily shared.

It was now or never, she told herself, tapping the number and calling before she could stop herself. She pressed the phone to her ear and felt like her stomach was going to fall out of her ass as the other end rang.

And rang.

And rang again.

Leah paced on the back porch, her bottom lip between her teeth and her free hand wrapped around her midsection as she silently hoped that Emily didn't answer.

"Hello?"

Her pacing stopped and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

She needed to speak. She needed to say what she needed to say and get this over with.

"Okay… whoever it is, I'm hanging up now," Emily sang.

"Wait," Leah croaked. She clenched her eyes closed and took a few calming breaths. "Is this Emily?"

There was a pause before she answered. "I was wondering when you'd call…"

"You know who this is?"

"I'm assuming it's Leah?"

"Yeah… how did you know?"

Emily sighed on the other end. "Because if I were you, I'd want to talk to the homewrecking ex girlfriend too."

"Well, I do want to talk. But not over the phone. If you're free I mean?" Leah stuttered.

"I'm heading home from the store but if you want to meet halfway? Say 4:30?"

Leah glanced down at her watch and nodded. Halfway would be Port Angeles, a good 45 minute drive.

"Okay. Just text me an address."

"Great. I know a good cafe," Emily said, sounding almost chipper, as if she were catching up with an old friend.

"Okay. 4:30."

"4:30," Emily repeated. "See you then."

Leah ended the call and stared down at her phone as if it were this foreign object. What the hell had she done? She was about to drive 45 minutes to a different city only to hear truly upsetting news from the woman who was pregnant with her dead fiance's baby. Panic started to set in and Leah ran a shaky hand through her hair, sucking in desperate breaths, like she was a fish out of water. Her hands grew clammy and she slipped her phone in her back pocket so she didnt drop it. Heat crept up her neck and spine and she felt like she was the heaviest thing on Earth.

"Hey Leah I'm about to head to the store, want any-"

She looked up, panic stricken and watched Embry's eyes go from confusion to understanding as he stepped towards her. "I… I don't know… what…" She struggled to speak, her chest tightening as she shakily inhaled. She shook her head and blinked hard, her vision blurry from tears.

"Hey, you're good," Embry said calmly, his hands on her shoulders. "You're okay Leah. You're having a panic attack."

"P-panic?" she sputtered.

He nodded and turned her to face him. "Yeah it's fine. Breathe with me okay. Inhale slowly. I'm gonna count, ready?" She shook her whole body in a nod and held on to his elbows as he slowly counted. "1….2...3...4. Good. Okay now exhale. 5...6...7...8. Again."

She stared at his mouth, watching as he instructed her to inhale and exhale, savoring each and every count as her heart stopped pounding through her chest.

"Good. You're doing good Leah. One more time."

She followed his instructions and breathed until she felt less solid and more like her. She didn't speak for a moment and let go of Embry despite his hands still holding on to her.

"That was… trippy," she spoke, still slightly out of breath.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You okay?"

"I will be," she reached up to wipe her eyes. "That's never happened to me before."

"Welcome," he grinned, letting go of her and taking a step back.

Leah sniffled and wiped once more at her eyes. "How did you know how to do that?"

"Generalized anxiety disorder," he stated.

"I didn't know."

"Not many people do. I've had it since I was a kid. I've had my fair share of panic attacks so my therapist came up with this technique of focused counting. He would grab me so I knew I was centered, look me in my eye and count for me while I breathed. It looked weird as hell but it worked," he shrugged.

"Thank you Embry."

"You're welcome. You wanna talk about what made you anxious? You don't have to."

Leah cracker her knuckle. "I'm meeting Emily. This afternoon."

"Oh… Wow…"

Leah took a seat on the steps and sighed. "Yeah. I had this stupid plan about moving on ya know? Taking steps and I just feel like this is all one big mistake now. Especially after that panic attack."

Embry went and took a seat next to her and looked ahead. "Leah you don't have to go see her if you don't want to."

"What?" she snapped to look at him.

"I mean, why are you really going to see her?"

She shook her head and looked out towards the trees. "I need closure."

"She can't really give you that," he shrugged a shoulder. "I mean not technically anyways. Sure she can give you details of what happened between her and Sam but Leah, we already know that. We have seen what happened between them in future baby form but maybe the closure you're looking for will only come from Sam. And since none of us are necromancers, I think you should ask yourself what you're really looking for."

She swallowed thickly and found her eyes stinging once again. She was sick of crying, sick of thinking about this, sick of it all. She just wanted to be okay again. "I want this to be over with," she confessed, running a hand through her hair. "Sometimes I think I can do it, ya know. Move on. Other days I wake up and I feel like a shell of myself and I'm so done with this grieving bullshit."

"If it was that easy," he whispered. "Look I'm not gonna pretend to understand how you're dealing with this and I'm not gonna act like I know why Sam did half the shit he did but I will say that your emotions have a right to be complicated. You have a right to be angry and hurt by what he did but you also have a right to be sad because you still love him despite what he did."

Tears fell from her eyes and she angrily wiped them away. She was pissed. She was pissed at Sam, at Emily, even at Embry for pointing out that she still loved him because he was right. She was so mad about all of this but she couldn't escape this nagging thought in the back of her mind that if Sam walked through that door right now, she would jump into his arms and forget everything that he did.

"I hate this," she said, resting her face in her lap and choking out a sob. "Why can't I just grieve him like normal?"

Embry scoffed and reached over to pat her back. "I don't think there's a normal way to do it. I mean no one really knows what they're doing right? Not when it comes to love or grief. We're all just fucking lost."

Leah sniffled and wiped at her nose. "Christmas will be exactly 8 months."

"Then we'll make it one hell of a Christmas. We deserve it. You deserve it."

She turned to her friend, a small smile on her face. "Thanks Embry. You guys really have made this bearable."

"We're your friends Leah. That's what we're here for." He stood and stretched slightly. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. Eventually."

"Good."

"Embry?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think I shouldn't go see Emily?"

He chewed it over before offering her a half smile. "I think you're going to do whatever is best Leah. If you go see her, fine. Get some answers but if you don't, then that's fine too."

She chuckled with an eye roll. "That doesnt help me at all."

"That's because I can't answer that question. Only you can."

She watched him walk into the house and turned around, still seated on the steps and pulled out her phone. Seeing Emily would mean that she would get answers. She would know just when the affair started or if it even was an affair. She would know if Sam actually loved her or if she'd pushed him into another woman's arms. She got ready to double down on her choice to see Emily and stood but stopped when her eyes caught the smallest carving on one of the wood deck beams. She remembered putting it there with Sam on one of the many unfortunate nights that they had date night at the house. The memory hit Leah with a flash. The crispiness of the cool fall air, the way they were cuddled under the blanket, the way that Sam held her so tight that she could feel his heart beating through his ribcage. They had laughed so much and then he'd pulled out his pocket knife and started carving their names into the wood. Leah had laughed at his horrible penmanship but deep down, she couldn't remember a time of feeling more loved and more wanted. She ran her fingers over the etchings, a lump forming in her throat.

Sam + Leah = 4evr

Forever had been the opposite of kind to them and Emily's appearance had made her fear that it had been lost for good. Maybe it was true. Maybe it had been lost for good. Maybe the forever that she had dreamed up with Sam and the perfect life wasn't her forever and maybe it was never real. Nothing could change that. No amount of probing and gory details from Emily could change that Sam had lied to her. Maybe it was time for her to figure out a new forever? Leah looked around at her feet, searching for something sharp and picked up a rock before going to work on the wood.

No, Sam and her wouldn't have forever but she could have her own. Leah finished scratching at the wood and tossed the rock over her shoulder before sighing.

Leah, 4evr

Her penmanship was far better than Sam's.

She quickly sent Emily a text message, canceling their plans but encouraged her to reach out to Debra as she had a right to know that she was going to be a grandmother. She didn't want Emily to respond and she didn't need her to explain anything. What happened, happened and what was done, was done. It wasn't the closure she expected and it was far from pretty but it was after all, a step in the right direction.