BPOV
"Shut up!"
I grinned at Alice's reaction to seeing both of us on her doorstep, hands held tightly together, but Edward just frowned.
"Don't be rude."
She ignored him and practically tackled him to the floor with a hug.
"Alice!" Edward tried to calm her but there was no containing the excitement. "Ow!"
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" She was jumping up and down- arms still wrapped around her brother's neck. Her words came out in such a hurry that I only caught about every other one. "I told you!" More jumping. "When will you start listening to me?" Still jumping. "Patience!"
"Okay!" Edward was finally able to extricate himself from her grip. He wanted to sound annoyed but the grin on his face told a different story. "You were right."
Alice managed to stop bouncing around before looking at me.
"Bella." It sounded more like a sigh than my name. She carefully took my face between her hands. All the manic energy had left and she was very still as her eyes bore into my mine. "Never again, okay?"
Alice didn't need to elaborate on what she meant. She was asking- demanding- her one requirement for me to be back in Edward's life. Don't hurt him again. Don't hurt any of them again. I understood exactly what she meant and why she'd said it.
I held my hands over hers and nodded. "Okay."
A wide smile covered her face before she pulled me into a much calmer embrace than the one she'd had for Edward.
"Oh, look! Edward is here!" Jasper was rounding the corner, Charlotte perched on his shoulders. I could tell his feigned surprise at seeing both of us didn't convince Alice.
Charlotte scrambled to get down and then practically hopped her way into her uncle's arms. He effortlessly scooped her up and didn't complain when she took off her tiara and sat it squarely on his head.
From somewhere behind Jasper's back Peter's voice yelled, "But you said Bella was coming!"
"Told you," Edward said- guiding me further into the house with a hand on my back and Charlotte balanced on his hip. "He loves you."
Dinner, as expected, was delicious and surprisingly comforting. It felt like all of us had slipped back into a normal routine even though nothing was the same as it had been before.
"Well I never thought I would say this but thank God for Lauren Mallory." Alice held her wine glass up in a mock toast and then smiled when she saw my face. "Bella."
I probably looked like a petulant child, pouting because someone else had tried to play with my favorite toy. Edward was helping Jasper put the kids to bed and I was thankful he wasn't here to see my reaction.
"Yes, yes. Thank you, Lauren Mallory." My glass halfheartedly clinked with hers.
"So." Alice drew out the word. "What does all of this mean as far as your future?"
"Honestly?" I looked at her. "I don't know. Right now it's just nice to feel this again. Neither one of us are in a hurry to decide anything other than what I'll do about Renee's board position."
"Do you want my opinion?" She didn't wait for me to respond because she knew I did. "I love what Edward has accomplished with Hope House. I enjoy getting to volunteer there and am beyond thankful our town has that resource."
"But?"
Alice's face became serious. "Walk away, Bella."
That surprised me.
"You need a new start, both of you together, and it needs to be somewhere that Renee's fingerprints aren't all over it."
I looked down, considering what she said. "I don't want to ask him to leave, Alice."
"You can't stay."
It wasn't a question.
"Bella." When I'd looked up at her she continued. "Let Edward make his own decision. You took that option away from him last time and it wasn't fair. He knows his heart. He knows what he can and can't live without."
"But what about you?"
Alice smiled but it had a touch of sadness hidden beneath it.
"This isn't a forever good-bye, Bella. I will miss him, both of you, every single day. But I can face that a whole lot easier than I can the idea of him being alone again. Lauren wasn't his forever just like Jacob Black wasn't yours.
"It might sound cruel and unforgivable to say this but Renee dying was the best thing that could have happened to both of you. The universe, fate, whatever you want to call it- It has brought you both back together because this is your forever."
Forever. There was that word again.
"You'd been gone for six years and then Renee died. You come back and just happened to meet Emily Uley because you were randomly at Hope House to drop off a key for Jasper. You hear her story and immediately feel the need to get involved because you're you and it was exactly the sort of thing that will always fight for. That leads to you and Edward spending more time together and then- well… Now here you are. If that isn't fate, then I don't know what is."
"Edward thinks my mother somehow organized all of this as some sort of apology."
"My ass."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"And even if she did, does it matter? Do you forgive her?"
"No." That was one question I could answer with one hundred percent certainty.
Alice raised her glass as if she'd proved her point and then frowned up at the second story of her house.
We were outside on the porch but could still hear the peals of laughter and shrieking that came from inside the house. I grinned at the mental image of Edward being overtaken by his niece and nephew. The backdoor opened, amplifying the sound from inside, and Jasper joined us.
"What happened to bedtime?" She moved her feet that were resting on Jasper's chair. Once he'd sat down she put them on his lap.
"Three Little Pigs happened. Edward's acting out every scene."
Alice grinned into her wine glass.
XXXX
"Jump on in!" Edward chided, motioning to the water in front of us.
When I'd planned our quick trip to Marysville I'd been blinded by the riverside escapes, secluded swimming spots, and lazy pools to float in that the Airbnb listings promised. My heart was clinging to the last few days of Summer, even though it was nearly the middle of August, and Autumn was just around the corner. I'd made Edward pack swim trunks and told him it would be more than warm enough to swim in our own secluded little slice of heaven. Of course that all sounded much better on paper than it did in person.
I stood on a flat rock with my feet together, arms wrapped around myself, and shivered just looking at the water floating by us.
"They say it makes it easier. Then you just get the shock out of the way."
"They?" I asked over the sound of the water. "They who?"
Edward shrugged and held his hand out for mine. When I took it, he carefully helped me over the more jagged rocks that led down to the bank. He was brave enough to move further in, letting the water rise over his feet.
"Well?"
He reached for my hand again instead of answering. When I just raised an eyebrow he laughed. "It's cold but not horrible. If we can get out of the shade it will be better."
Edward looked down stream and pointed to a patch of sunlight that gleamed off the water just around the small bend.
"C'mon," He held his hand out for me again.
I took it this time and followed after him as he waded deeper into the water. It was cold, and my feet felt like ice cubes, but he'd been right about reaching the sun. The pool that had formed there near the bank was warmer and much more tolerable.
After a while I'd abandoned the water for a smooth, flat, rock that was completely covered in sunlight. I made myself comfortable- laying perfectly still so the sun could cover me like a blanket- and watched as Edward had ventured out into the water and the bank across from us.
Eventually he joined me, sitting down and then leaning back on his elbows. I watched as droplets of water glinted in the sunlight on his back.
"Isn't this nice?" I asked, taking off my sunglasses.
He nodded before lying down next to me. He was on his side, leaning over me, but kept his weight balanced on his elbow. I smiled, love drunk, when his face leaned into my neck.
"Can we just stay here?" He kissed just below ear.
"Please?"
I felt him grin against my skin before kissing it again.
We stayed like that, hardly moving, and just being. I was close to slipping into a light sleep when Edward's hand moved from my stomach to my hip. His thumb turning in a slow circle just above the top of my swimsuit bottoms. My eyes opened and instantly found his.
The familiar longing was quick to rise up, bringing a warm flush to my skin.
His fingertips slid under the fabric, pulling gently, and I raised my hips. Once they were past my feet Edward tossed them aside and I reached for the waist of his trunks.
"Nope." He stopped my hands.
Despite us being in the sun his fingers felt cool against my overheated skin. When he moved his hand between my thighs, parting them, I shivered.
His touch was slow and deliberate- just enough to leave me short of breath and needing more. I moved underneath him- restless- as his fingers moved against me.
Edward slid down my body. He left opened mouthed kisses against my skin as he went. When he stopped, settled between my legs, my hips instinctively lifted. First I felt his nose, skimming across the inside of my thigh. Then his breath, hot and wet, against my overly sensitive skin.
I was restless, moaning as his mouth moved against me, and his arms reached around my legs to hold me in place. Over, and over, he continued as I felt myself turning into a tight coil of overly stimulated senses.
It felt amazing, like it always did with him, but the inside of me ached for more. For him.
"Stop," I begged him. "Edward, stop."
He looked utterly confused, doing what I asked anyway, though my request had come out in a broken whisper.
I reached forward, grabbing the back of his neck, and pulled him to me. While attacking his mouth with mine, biting at his bottom lip, I pushed his swim trunk down just past his ass.
"This," I said, breathless. "I want this."
I was so wound up, shaking with pent up adrenalin and my body absolutely throbbed to feel him.
My fingers searched for him and he moaned against my mouth when they finally found him. He was ready, I could feel the straining muscle underneath his skin, but I still ran my hand over the length of him as I guided him to me.
He sank into me, we were hip to hip, and anticipation curled tighter in my stomach.
"Wait," I begged, holding tightly to his shoulders. My head fell back and I took a shaking breath.
The feeling of him, all of him, felt so damn good. I didn't want to move; I didn't want him to move. Couldn't we just stay like this? Forever connected in the most intimate way possible?
"Bell-" Edward groaned against my neck.
His hips pulled away, but returned more forceful, making me gasp. He did it again and my eyes squeezed themselves shut. Again, and I absolutely clawed at his shoulders. Again. And again. And again.
Edward's hips fell back against mine, one more time, and the climax we'd been chasing took over. I felt it everywhere- from my hair to my toes- it spread like a slow fire until I was completely overtaken. I laid underneath Edward's body absolutely panting.
XXXX
It rained that night, just a slow mist at first, but around three in the morning thunder echoed through the valley our cabin was in. It wasn't the booming kind that left you scared- just the deep rumbling that made the windowpanes tremble.
Edward was asleep, completely past the point of hearing it. His skin, so warm and sun kissed after our day outside, felt comforting against the chill the storm had brought with it but eventually I started shivering.
I slipped, as quietly as I could, out of the bed and felt around in the darkness for my bag. After grabbing what I'd been looking for, I took what I needed from inside and tiptoed into the living room.
The wooden floors vibrated underneath my feet when another rumbling echoed around us and I quickly slipped into the sweatshirt I'd taken from Edward's closet and my black leggings.
Another rumble shook the silence.
As I carefully opened the front door, I turned around to make sure that Edward was asleep.
He hadn't moved an inch.
On the covered porch, I fumbled to get the propane heater turned on. Eventually I succeeded and watched the coils turn a glowing red as it came to came to life before sinking down into one of the deep patio chairs.
I didn't think sleep would be so hard to find tonight, especially after the day we'd had, but I just couldn't shut my mind off. I had to make a decision and I was growing anxious with it hanging over my head.
Edward, even if he wouldn't admit it, wanted me to take my mother's place on the board of trustees for Hope House. So did Jasper. Alice, my dad, and Sue were all against it. And I still didn't know what I wanted.
I believed in what Hope House did. I knew it was a valuable resource for the people in Forks. But did I really want it to be my legacy- like what my mother had apparently hoped for?
My head, and heart, were still confused about Renee's actions. Regardless of what Edward, or anyone else told me, I did not believe my mother could change who'd she been my entire life. If she wanted to apologize why didn't contact me? If she was truly sorry for what she'd done, then why didn't she at least try to make it right with me in person? Yes, she'd gotten sick but that was still years before she'd passed.
Would it have mattered?
I sighed, knowing the answer to my question. No.
Maybe she knew that would have been my answer as well. Maybe that was why she'd designed all of this as an elaborate apology because she knew I wouldn't have ever listened to her.
Or maybe she did all of this just to once again fuck with my mind.
Bitterly, I brushed away the tears that had managed to slip down my cheeks.
Why was I crying? Why was I letting this upset me so much?
"Bella?"
Edward's groggy voice startled me and I quietly sniffed before wiping my face again.
He came outside, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and frowned when he saw me sitting by myself. "Are you okay?"
I nodded. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
He sat down in the chair next to mine and rubbed his eyes. When he spoke it was through a deep yawn. "What are you doing out here?"
"Thinking."
He watched as I slipped my hands into the sleeves of his sweatshirt and crossed my arms across my chest. My eyes focused on the darkness in front of us.
"Your answer is no."
I looked at him, trying to gage his emotions by the way his eyes looked. He grinned before reaching over to run his fingers through my ponytail.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. I knew this hurt him and I hated it.
"Bella you don't have to be sorry," He said, putting his hand on the back of my neck. "As much as I wish I could, I will never understand what- or how- you feel about your mother. There have been so many times that I've wanted to just take all of it off of your shoulders- to just let you feel safe and loved- but I can't. I saw what she did, Bella. And I couldn't protect you."
"Edward."
"I love you," he continued. "I want you to be happy. And if this stands in the way of that, of you finally healing, then I fully support your decision to say no."
I got up from my chair and moved to sit in Edward's lap. He held me against him, kissing the top of my head as I leaned into him.
"You do make me feel safe," I whispered against his chest. His arms tightened around me. "And you did protect me."
"Not enough."
I sat up and looked him in the eye. "You loved me, unconditionally, even when I didn't deserve it- even when I pushed you away. You, and your family, were my home outside of Dad. I knew I could always come to you, to any of you, and I would be safe. What more could I have asked for, Edward?"
"I can still see it," He said, voice breaking in a thinly disguised anguish. "When she pushed you down the stairs and-"
It should have been a happy occasion- telling your mother that you're engaged and getting married. Most mothers would be over the moon excited to hear that news from their daughters. Not mine.
She been drunk, as always, and slurred insults at both of us. Edward had tried to get me to leave, pulling on my arm while my mother had stumbled back up the stairs, but I'd reached my limit. I wanted to fight back. I'd followed, yelling at her- asking why she hated me. We'd stood face to face at the top of the stairs- screaming at each other- and then she'd just pushed me.
I didn't remember anything after that- I'd woken up in the hospital afterwards. Bones were broken and bruises were everywhere.
I was happy to leave that memory shoved deep down in my subconscious forever so I focused on Edward's face in front of mine.
"I survived."
He frowned. "Barely."
"We survived," I said, softer this time. "Maybe I'm not the only one that needs to heal, Edward."
His eyes closed before he leaned his forehead against mine.
"You said the past didn't matter anymore," I whispered against his lips.
"You leaving doesn't matter anymore," he corrected me.
I took his face between my hands. "Look at me."
He did.
"Renee doesn't deserve to be a part of this- of us. Don't let her be."
Edward nodded and I could tell that it wasn't just to placate me.
He meant it.