Chapter Twenty Five

The birth of our daughter was a little more eventful than I would have liked, but not nearly as bad as I was worried it would be. Even though the problem with my blood pressure was a little scary, the fact that I had carried her practically full term made me feel so much better about the situation. There were just the usual annoyances to get through, like an IV failing and the nurses having a hard time finding my veins to take blood (totally normal for me), so I had to be stuck with needles more times than I care to count. (Martin, of course, kept his eyes closed through the whole ordeal.) Labor was painful, quite obviously, but I didn't have to endure much of it before the blessed relief of an epidural. In the end, the outcome had been perfect: we had a healthy baby girl.

The look of reverence and pure love on Martin's face when he first saw her is my favorite memory. I fell in love with him all over again as I watched him cut the cord with tears in his eyes, as he gently cupped her head with his hand and soothed her as she cried. He instinctively knew just what to do in the moment. I wondered if it surprised him to find the innate fatherly capabilities coming out in him so quickly and effortlessly. The moment he laid eyes on her, he was completely smitten. When he noticed me watching, he graced me with the biggest smile I have ever seen from him.

After she was all cleaned up and the doctor was finished tending to me, and after we had been moved back into a room, Martin sat down next to me with our baby bundled in his arms, just staring at her like he wasn't sure what to do next.

"So what do you think, Daddy?" I said to him quietly. He looked up at me quickly, caught off guard by his new moniker.

"She's beautiful," he answered tentatively, then added, "mmm…head's a bit misshapen…"

I laughed. "Considering what she's just been through, I think that's to be expected, don't you?"

"Right. Yes." He looked up at me. "You were amazing," he told me shyly. He leaned over and kissed me, stroking my cheek.

I shrugged. "I only did what millions of other women do every day." I was downplaying it—I was pretty damn proud of myself, actually. Childbirth is not for sissies, I can tell you.

He shook his head. "Those millions of women aren't my wife," he said.

His wife. I still felt a thrill when I heard him say it. I suppose we were technically still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage, and now we had an added bonus, a little addition to our family. It may have been sooner than we had originally planned, but nothing could damper the love I felt when I looked at the two of them sitting next to me.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

He looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean? I should be asking you that question."

I smiled. "I mean, how do you feel about your first hour as a father?" He was thoughtful for a minute, looking down at the bundle in his arms.

"I'm…not sure how I feel," he finally answered. "I've never felt this way before."

"Nervous?" I prodded gently.

He swallowed. "Yes, a bit. A bit overwhelmed, if I'm honest. But mostly…" he smiled a little, "mostly, I feel happy. Content." He glanced up at me, still smiling. I could feel tears stinging my eyes.

Now we just had to finalize what we were going to call her. We had already decided on Joan for a middle name; now it came down to her first name.

"So you wouldn't mind calling her Harper?" I asked him again, making sure we were both happy with the decision of using my maiden name.

He looked down at her. "Harper Joan…" he said quietly, trying it out. "Yes, I think that would be nice. Good."

I smiled at him. "Do you think it suits her?" Harper began to fuss, and then to wail, and Martin looked slightly panicked. "Here, give her to me." I awkwardly undid the shoulder snaps of the hospital gown and put her to my breast, and after a couple of false starts, she latched on and began to drink hungrily. I sighed with relief, thankful that she had seemingly taken to it so easily.

"Anna, she's less than an hour old…I would imagine anything suits her at this stage in her life," Martin replied dryly, then added, "are you sure she is latching properly? Are you experiencing any discomfort?"

"Yes, and a little," I answered. "It's going to take some getting used to."

"Mmm."

The nurse came in then, and assured me that Harper was a natural at eating, which made me laugh. Martin fussed over me, making sure I was comfortable. I was still numb from the epidural, so at the moment, I was better than okay. Once the baby had had her fill, Martin placed her gently in her little plastic bassinet, swaddled up snug. I couldn't stop looking at her…she was so perfect.

I could feel the adrenaline leave my body and I started to relax, becoming sleepier than I can remember ever feeling. I yawned hugely.

"Now is a good time to get some rest," Martin told me, scooting his chair closer to the bed and smoothing the hair from my forehead. I tugged the front of his shirt, pulling him toward me and kissing him sweetly. I thought back to my first birth, when I was so sad and alone, and how almost unbearable it had been. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Now I had a partner with me to share the joy of becoming a mother again. I was so proud to have him by my side.

"I love you," I told him sleepily, and just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard him reply, "I love you too."